Why High-Functioning Alcoholics Stay Silent with EMILY BLOSSOM

I never thought the girl I got in a drunken cake fight with would be the same one handing me a big book in AA, but here we are. Emily Blossom is an author, a badass real estate broker, and someone who’s lived a thousand lives. We hadn’t talked in years after that wild night, but then I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and there she was, holding up a mirror I wasn’t ready for.

We talk about being high-functioning alcoholics, the shame we carried, and what it was like to reconnect after everything. Emily shares raw stories from her book Mental Mayhem, including growing up in violence, marrying her abuser, and learning to break the cycle.

This one’s real, vulnerable, and one of my favorite conversations as it shares the highs and lows of going on a sobriety journey.

Connect with Emily Blossom @soulblossomtribe

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Transcript

 the principles before personality. Policies of our program or suggestions of our program are like really cool. And when you learn that way and you commit to live that way, then you're, it really helps you to treat people with kindness no matter where they're at. Yeah. You know, and then it became a funny Interac.

I'm like, okay, I wonder how long it's gonna take her to realize I'm Emily of that. Emily. That's funny. 'cause I was doing the same thing, but I was like, I just won't say anything. We went a few months without saying anything to each other.

We had a cake fight in my house. Yes. I was like, I remember Emily slamming my head into a cake. And then I don't really remember anything else. 

 Okay guys, welcome to the podcast with Samantha Parker show I haven't recorded or put out an episode for a few weeks because I've been traveling. That's cool. And I did this thing where I decided I was just not gonna be stressed or have any additional like things to worry about, which it's not normally like me.

So I was just like, I'm not gonna post online, I'm not gonna record podcasts. Like, fuck it, I don't care. So welcome back. Yeah, welcome back to you. I know. I was like, that was mostly to myself. Okay, so today's super fun. You guys know I love, and we record. In person. So in my office today I have got Emily Blossom,

we were just discussing, is your name really Emily Blossom? It is now. Legally. It is Now. Did you guys know you could just make up names, you can just make it up. So I think I knew. Okay, well I didn't know that. But you know what my mom did, in elementary school, she was worried about, 'cause she had a different last name than me.

She was worried about it. So she just put her last name. On like my, all my elementary school stuff. So I went through school with a last name that wasn't mine. Really? Yeah. 'cause my maiden name is Legally Brown. Doesn't she have to give her. Your birth certificate. It was like the eighties. I don't know.

Oh, we didn't care about that shit. Yeah, it was like the late eighties. I don't, nobody questioned shit. Yeah. She was like, this is her name. Which is, I always thought that was weird, but it ended up being a pain in the ass when I went to college because they're like, you don't have any school records like this, isn't you?

Oh, right. And so, but they also, that would've been like. The early two thousands, so I, I don't know how I made it work, but they were like, okay, I guess this is you. So what name, what name is yours? Well, so my name is Samantha Brown and my married name is Samantha Parker. Okay. So, yeah, but my mom, her married last name is Loveless, so I went through school as Samantha Loveless.

Oh, that's a cool name too. Yeah, it was fine. It was just weird. So you answer all of them. Yeah, that's what I do. I got five. I'll answer all of them. Yeah. It never bothered me until I was a little pissed off when I was registering for college. Right? Yeah. And I'm like, okay, well my name is Samantha Brown, which is also the name of a travel channel show, and she had her own luggage.

So for a while I got her luggage. Like she had her own luggage set and it was Samantha Brown. Oh, that's kind of cool. I know things you didn't need to know, but anyways, I'm so excited to have you. You are an author, an indie author. An indie author, Uhhuh. And you are also a fellow alcoholic? I am a fellow alcoholic.

And you are proud to be a sober woman? Yes. And you are a badass real estate agent. Oh, thanks. I am. Or a broker? Broker. For broker. I'm a broker, right. Okay. Tell me the difference. So, as a broker, we kind of herd the cats. You know, like I heard all the agents, so I am also an agent myself, but I also manage them.

So when they have broker contract questions, they call me to have those questions. So when somebody gets sued, they sue the broker. Okay. And the brokerage. So like I just call myself, I'm just, I just heard the cats. You know, it's like herding cats is like an impossible thing, right? Yeah. Because they're all independent subcontractors.

Have independent realtors mind of their own. Yeah. And I'm like trying to herd 'em all together to like, you know, Hey, this is how we're supposed to do things. This is best practice, best principles, and rah rah. And I'm the cheerleader and I'm the manager and I'm the like, you can do it. Yes. I'm like the coach, the mentor.

The one that keeps him in line with litigation, all that stuff. Yeah. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm gonna give you a little professional intro. You ready? Okay. Today's guest is someone who's lived a thousand lives and came out the other side full of light and radical truth. She's an author, a real estate broker, a survivor, a mom, and a total badass.

I've read her books, I know the people in her stories, which was. So interesting. I couldn't put it down. Okay. And I am so excited to bring your voice onto the Samantha Parker show. So welcome today, Emily. Oh, that's such an awesome intro. I love that. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah. So lemme just give a little backstory here.

So I met Emily initially at, so we live here in southern Utah at a local. Country club that I was a member of. You were a member of? And you were the wine lady? I ran the wine club. That was one of five that I ran. Yes. You had five wine clubs. I'm a true blue alcoholic girl. I had five. Five. Yeah. I was like, I wanna join the wine club.

It's like permission to be a drunk. Right. You know, they totally was. So that's why I did it so I could find people that drank like me. Right. No for real though. Right. And that's something I've learned about myself is I was always like virtue signaling. So I was always looking for people that maybe were even a little bigger drunk than me.

Oh yeah. So I could be like, well, at least I'm not doing that right. That was really my besties, like, I'm gonna hang around you 'cause you're making me look really good. Mm-hmm. I'm like, can you believe what she did? I don't think I ever said that about you, but that was, you could have. I could have. Who knows?

That was definitely the vibe, but I remember you were, I still think you're very charismatic and you have this big, bright light around you, but I was just kind of like, sucked into your world. I was like, wow. She's like really amazing. Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, and I, you do still have that, you know, I do.

I think I have it a little brighter now. I like to think I'm not hung over as often. Or at all anymore. But yeah, I know. I don't really understand like how I did it. Like I remember taking my son to the bus stop hungover, like after a wine club night. Like I can vividly remember it. I know. I re I have pictures.

I was just looking at this picture the other day. I literally am dropping him off at school. I am so hungover and I'm, and it's the first day of school and it's like. Kindergarten. So I'm lean down and my face is bright, bright red, and my hair's all wet. And I'm like smiling her ear, like when, when I look back at the picture, I'm like, nobody looks at that and goes, she looks like a wreck.

Right. I look at it now and go, what the hell was I thinking? 'cause I knew where I was at mentally. Yeah. You know, and well, and I have so many memories where, you know, my dad the other day was like, oh, remember when we hiked to da, da da? And I was like, I do. 'cause I was so hungover, like, do you have a lot of those memories?

A lot, yeah. And I think as a high functioning alcoholic, I was like, oh, but I still show up for everything. Right. You know? Right. Well, I remember when I first got sober, you know, there was a lot of women, high functioning women in our realm, in our business space. That was like, Emily, we're not those people.

Mm-hmm. We're not those people. Like, it was actually hard for some people in my circle to believe that I was an alcoholic. Like, I'm like, I'm not here to convince you. I'm just telling you what I'm doing, and I, you know. So, yeah, it's be high to be high functioning. They call us the silent sufferers and because that's what we do, we put out this face, we got our shit together, you know, and no matter if we have our shit together or not.

That's what everyone knows us as. So when things go wrong with somebody who's supposed to have their shit together, like everyone's image of you is crumbling. Like everything they knew, everything. They, you know, it's like all, all the facade is like crumbling. Well, and you're also taking away like a piece of their alcoholism story too, right?

Because Right. A lot of people in my circle, and I know it was the same for you, they were drinkers. They, yes. So they're like, well, if you have a problem, I have a problem. But they, that was not gonna be it. Yeah, it was gonna be, you know, Emily, you're dumb. Well, that's what was interesting about what they kept saying.

They kept saying, Emily, we are not those people. We are not those people. I'm like, I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about me. Right. And so they just kept using the word they put, like I was holding up the mirror to like what they had going on for themselves. But I wasn't trying to do that. I was just trying to talk about me, you know?

Does it, have you ever thought about it this way? Like looking back, like how brave you were that you took that like first step? Because it's kind of like you were doing it for everyone else. Yeah. Even if you haven't realized it, right? I, yeah. I mean there, there's been many moments of vulnerability along this pathway that, I.

Even now it's, there's moments of vulnerability, right? There's moments where, I'm surprised when people know that I don't know, know things about me. Like especially with the books coming out, it was like, so when somebody says, oh, I read your, I read your story, and it's somebody in our business world that I didn't expect, there's a moment of, oh.

Right. The walls start to go up like, oh, I didn't expect that person to read the book and, right. Or have you had, the other day, one of my clients, and I, I knew his story just 'cause someone close to me had like told me, you know, they're like, you'll really like vibe with him. And they had told me like a little bit of his backstory, but the other day I was working with him and he goes, I heard you were friends with Bill and Bob.

And I was like, who the fuck is Bill and Bob? No. So I said that and I was like, bill, who's Bill? I'm like, well, that's my dad's name. And I was like, I don't think I know a bob. And he's like, you do? And I was like, well, then just say it like, right. You know, I had that happen to me at the car dealership. I went to buy, a car at the Buick shop downtown.

A few when I first got sober, and I had. My coin in a key chain. And at the car dealership, he held my keys while I went to go test drive another vehicle. And when I got back he was like, oh, you're a friend of bill's. And I had the same reaction. I'm like. Who the fuck is Bill? I'm like, bill, who? I'm like, bill.

And he's like, no. And he hands me the keys and he's like holding my key and I still wasn't getting it. I'm like, bill, who? And I'm like, oh. And then it finally, I know. I'm one of those people, I'm like, just be like, you're an alcoholic. I'm like, oh, that's me. Yeah. So Bill and Bob, if, just to give some context here, is they were the founders of aa?

Yes, Dr. Bob. In Bill W. Yes. Right? Yes. But I'm like, why do people say that? But I, I do get it. Like it's just a way of like recognizing that's a morse code of like anonymous, right? Yeah. I just dunno if I'm that deep into it. But anyways. Okay, so I read your book, and literally my husband's like, what are you reading?

And I was like, I'll just tell you. 'cause like I literally stayed up one night till like one in the morning reading. I love that. I was so like, invested in this story. And I think a lot of it was because I'm like, I know that person that she's talking about. I remember these like. A couple events and memories.

Um, and I mean, we hadn't talked though for years. Years, like years, because of a drunk incident. We had a cake fight in my house. Yes. I was like, I remember Emily slamming my head into a cake. And then I don't really remember anything else. All I know is I had a, a Costco sized cake. All over my house for weeks after that, you know, that's been one of my worst, like drunk memories.

I like felt like such a horrible person. It's something I carried for a really long time, like I still feel like that guilt. I'm a really big guilty drinker. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I'm a blackout drinker and yeah, that was a night that I remember for a long time. Yeah. I was like, that was awful because I freaked the fuck out.

Like I came out of the shower to, I don't know why I was showering when I had a party going out in my house. That's question number one. You had cake in your hair. I had a cake in my hair. You were like, you were laughing and you were like, I'm gonna wash my hair and then you should wash your hair. And then I came out to a shit show of a cake fight going on in my house.

My belt lost. It was way too much lost mind was way too much. I remember being like, this is not right. But your husband was like. Really the like instigator. Right? Right. Of course he was, yeah, of course he was not to like put all the blame on him. So then I was like, well, I don't know what's right and wrong here.

You know, by the way, this was my third husband, your ex surprise birthday. My ex-husband last last week. This was my third surprise birthday party for my forty three, forty third year. It's like, oh, I was reading that in your book, and I was like, what the fuck? Right. Why would someone do that? Because he's a.

Because he's one of us, you know? Yeah. Not taking his ima because, because he just had to have a party. It was like my birthday was an excuse for him to have a party. Well, everything was an excuse to have a party, to be honest. Everything. Right? Yeah. I'm like, let's meet up and talk about work, but let's do it somewhere where I know we can order three or four glasses of wine.

Right. You know, that's, that was me. Me too. Yes, me too. Okay. But anyways, we didn't talk to each other for years after that., And. Then, okay, so this is the best. Okay. I feel like this has God humbling me. So the first day I walked into aa, which was May 20th, I'm almost at a year. Wow. Yeah. I'm almost at my year.

Is that crazy? That's a big deal. Mm-hmm. Good for you. So I walked into AA on, which would've been I think May 21st. So it was a Monday night I was hungover. 'cause I got so drunk on Sunday. And you were sitting there and I was like, fuck this. I was like, what a fucking joke. Not like because I was mad at you or anything.

I just thought like I could see the like. You know, when you're like, well played universe, well played. Right, right. But I just, I didn't say anything. I was like, it's AA and I was really ashamed to be there. I was in my own, you know, pain. Right. Yeah, I get it. But what I thought was funny was you gave me, the big book and you wrote your number in it and you were like, if you need anything, and I thought that was so nice.

Like, you bought me a big book, but I go home and you're, I was like, Jake, you're never gonna believe who was there. And then she gave me her number. I was like, I have her number. And I was like, maybe she doesn't know who I'm, I was like, for sure. I'm sure she's deleted my number. No, I had it because in my head I was the asshole, you know?

Right. Yeah. Right. Not, I didn't think you were an asshole, but and I was like, that's just wild. You know what I mean? But I was just like, I was going through the AA motions and then finally the other day, well this was a couple months ago, I was like I said, asked you something about your kid and you were like, I was wondering if you'd ever made the connection.

And I was like, yeah, I definitely did. I know. 'cause that's the, that's our way, right? I was like. You know, we are, that's what I, that's what's beautiful about the 12 Step program is like we are accepting of everyone where they're at. And, and it was humbling for me too when you walked in because it's like, this is somebody from my past mm-hmm.

That is coming into my life. And, and you don't wanna meet under these circumstances, right? I mean, like, the AA program is like the last house on the block. This is not a place where you wanna have like, yeah, you're there because like. Shit's gone really wrong. Right? Well, especially at first. Especially at first.

At first, like I would say the first few months it was like, why am I here? Like I am the worst person in the world and now I'm just like, this is what I do. Why isn't everyone else doing this? Right? And you were the second person in my past. That came to the rooms of alcoholics, and that's what we call it, the Rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous.

That asked me, well the first one asked me for help and this one I had a resentment for. And you know, they were like, can you give me a ride to a meeting? Or I'm like, oh. And this is where the program teaches us how to extend that hand to the newcomer, how to be accepting of people coming into the program.

'cause the last thing I wanted for you is to not stay because I was there. Oh. And then having that thought process of like, shit, we're both here. And then it's like running into people that you don't wanna see. Somewhere, I can't think of a place like just somewhere on the street you don't wanna see them and you're like, wait, we're both here.

There's a girl, right? Yeah. There's a girl in town who does not like me at all, and I saw her in Target and I just did a full, I left my cart, right? I was like, I'm not in the mood today. I'm not in the mood for whatever you're mad at me about. Right, right. So in the rooms, it's like those same kind of conflicts come up and then you're just like, oh gosh.

But you know the principles before personality. Policies of our program or suggestions of our program are like really cool. And when you learn that way and you commit to live that way, then you're, it really helps you to treat people with kindness no matter where they're at. Yeah. You know, and then it became a funny Interac.

I'm like, okay, I wonder how long it's gonna take her to realize I'm Emily of that. Emily. That's funny. 'cause I was doing the same thing, but I was like, I just won't say anything. We went a few months without saying anything to each other. No, I just went to the meetings. I was like, how are you? You know?

Right. And I got you the book. Mm-hmm. Because in my mind I was thinking, I wanted you to know that like. We're cool. Yeah. Like it's all good. Yeah. And I'm glad you're here and I hope everyone from our past finds their way because the alternative is it's a slow death, right? The alternative is Oh, absolutely.

There's gonna be lots of us in the high functioning world that are not gonna find their way in and they're gonna find death. And I would rather, you guys, I would rather everyone find their way in and we find peace with each other than. You know? Yeah. And become friends again and become and reseal something that we started off having a really genuine mm-hmm.

Great connection together that we got clouded with all the alcohol. We got drowned in alcohol. It was 'cause we were a busy virtual signaling, like, who's the bigger drunk? Who's the bigger drunk? I'm like, oh shoot, look at her. I was definitely one of those that was, look at her. Right. I was really good at that.

I, I also ran pub trivia night. I know. I went to pub trivia in Yeah. I remember one night like getting so drunk at pub trivia night. Mm-hmm. I think you were there too. 'cause remember I was always joined the pub trivia then. Yeah. I remember talking the next day and you're like, that's why I started it. You know?

And what's funny in my head too is I remember thinking like, how are all these people just running around with these huge hangovers, right? Which, so I thought maybe like, I just like my body, like I wasn't able to keep up. That was like a thing I had too in my head. Right. Me too. Well then I found out years later that people, they just rolled out and kept drinking in the morning.

Mm-hmm. That was the trick. To avoid the hangovers. You just keep drinking. Yeah. Which I never did that unless we were on like vacation. Me too. Me too. 'cause we still had to show up and go to work. Yeah. Right. Ugh. Ugh. Right. Well, I know, I know. While we were, so I just got back from, well, Hawaii and then the Dominican Republic, and while I was in the Dominican, my mother-in-law was like, is it hard to be around?

Well, a bunch of people asked me that. They're like, is it hard to be around all this, you know, all inclusive alcohol? And I was like, this trip, I was like, absolutely not. Like I don't want anything to do with it. That's good. You know, like it doesn't bother me that it's over there. I, I was mostly annoyed that this is how I'm gonna base my trips now, though.

I know you should never go to a country that doesn't have Diet Coke. That's a good tip. They're not Or soda at all. Yes. Well they had coke and Coke Zero. Okay. Which I'm like, what is with, you know, I'm like, they don't carry a diet coke. We're not going, that's my new philosophy. Okay, good one. 'cause you know, typically in countries of Don Diet Coke, you also can't drink the water.

Right. That's a good theory. Yeah. Which my, everyone on that trip has come back with food poisoning, so, yeah. They didn't have Diet Coke. That's why I was so bought. Yeah. And so my choices were very limited, you know? Right. Yeah. Right. I went to France for a month with my ex, he was from France. Right. And I went there and the, so do not drink soda in France.

I would highly rec against it. Like they don't put all the chemicals and all the good shit that we have. Right. I love my ass for Right. So it tasted like, I'm like, it tasted like flat. Fizz of, I'm like, what the hell Kind of Sprite is this? Did you get ice in it a lot of times too? They don't put ice in it.

No. There was no ice. Yeah. Yeah. They don't do ice, but you can get their lemonade, like their sparkling lemonade is full, like it's the kind of soda we're used to. Full of sugar. Yeah, full of shit. And like fizzy. You know, other than that, don't, don't get the soda. See? Yeah. Well I heard that according to your book, that trip to France was not great and you should have, based on all my Diet Coke three, I should have left.

I should've never went probably, but I probably, yeah, that was a shit show. Okay, so when I met you, 'cause this is in your book, and this is where I was just like, I was enthralled in it because one, it was a really beautiful like just eye-opening lesson for me. I was like, so what I saw was like, you were so in love, right?

With. This French guy, which I do remember thinking at the time. I was like, this is odd, but like, you know. But you were like very convincing. You were convincing everybody. I convinced myself, which I think was probably a mask. Yeah. You were like, we're so in love. I finally found true love. I remember you had her for dinner and he made this beautiful, like full fish, you know?

Yes, I know. And I was like, they are so in love. I was, I mean, I thought it was real. Mm-hmm. Right. And I even wrote a romance novel about it and I, it's a fiction romance novel because, 'cause, because as you read my book, there's a lot of things that, that love story didn't last very long. But I wanted to give myself that love story because for me it was the first time in my life that I felt truly connected.

I was, he loved, bombed me to death. Yeah. He was so charming and he was so, it sounds like he was pretty good. At sex. He was really good at sex. I mean like probably, probably sex addict, like walking around with a high. I was always like, oh yeah, it was awesome. And he just showed me so much attention. And when you read my story, you realize like attention and love is what I was craving.

Like it was what I still. Yeah, that's still what I want. Mm-hmm. It's still like, you know, my, my, I was grew up in abusive household, violent alcoholic father, you know, my first husband was also a violent person. My second husband, which I came out of, he wasn't. An alcoholic, but he also, we just had a lot of codependent issues with each other.

Right. And so in his compliment, my second husband's compliment was more like, I'd come out of a room, do we gonna go out to wine club, let's say? And he'd come out of the room and be like, oh. You're gonna wear that, I guess I better go change. And I'm like, oh, I'll take that as a compliment. Right. Yeah.

Those, that's where I was when my third husband came into the picture and he was just love bombing me with all that French accent and you know, all the charm and all the, no, he had it, I mean, was He was like, you knew him, right? Yeah. Something out of like a movie, right? Yeah. It was so believable, but that's what narcissists do.

He was a narcissistic sociopath, right? Mm-hmm. So once he had his claws into me and, and I'm the perfect codependent, I'm the fixer, I'm like gonna make it work. And he wanted it to be loved. And I've, and I wanted to, and he most likely wanted a green card, and he most likely wanted, which I'm happy to say he never got good.

Okay. Is he back? Did he get deported? Did, yeah. Good. Not deported, but he left on his own accord. But if he hadn't, he would've been, it would've been better. He would've been better. Yeah. So I, yeah. But for that first year of our relationship, like it was a love story that I felt that I deserved to have, like I.

Said at one an event where, 'cause you know, the hard truth is we love people who hurt us. Mm-hmm. Right? And so, but our society doesn't always let us be. Okay. So I said at a dinner, I think I talk about it in the book, I said at a dinner party one time. Like, I loved them all. I loved my father, I loved my first husband.

I loved the second I was married 16 years to the second husband and the third husband. I loved him too. I mean to say I didn't love them. Or to say, because they hurt me. That, that takes away the love. Like I didn't, that's not true. Right? Yeah. The reason why we always go back, the reason why, and so I made that comment, and one of the, a couple of the women at the table were like, Emily, shame on you.

You shouldn't be saying that. You shouldn't be talking about that. You shouldn't be. Say, look what he did to you. And like, I know what he did to me. He almost killed me. Right. I know what he did, but that doesn't take away. That I loved him. Mm-hmm. Right. And you were there, you saw the whole, I mean, I was in love.

Oh, absolutely. Whether it was real for him or not, it was real for me. It was as real as I've ever seen. I think it was real for him, you know? Yeah. I mean, he was definitely using, definitely, right? Yeah. Right. But I wouldn't just like wash that as like, there was no love, you know? Yeah. So I wrote a romance novel about it and I hired a, a ghost writer to help me to fill in the fiction part 'cause I didn't wanna get down the.

Road of the reality of what came of that relationship, the abuse and all that stuff. I wanted to leave it that charming story. So like one of my girlfriends in, in our area read the romance stuff. She's like, oh my God, I know these people and. That was me. Even with the ghost writer, she was still, I was like, what are you doing?

And I'm like, this book's about us, but it wasn't, you know? Right, right, right. You know, the, and so, and then she was like, wait, who's the, who's the how guy in the story? That's the only character she couldn't figure out. And it was a client of mine that I had, a relationship with. Oh, that's in your book.

Yeah, in the one I read. But you have, okay, so let's talk about your books real quick though. Yeah. So, well you have like, basically like I always call it mommy porn. Yeah. Oh yeah, I do. Yeah. So you've got one of those, and then this is the one I've read this Mental Mayhem. Mental Mayhem is book one of my memoirs.

Yes. Yes. Okay. It is really awesome. This is about the parallels of those three abusive relationships. Yeah. So are you guys listening? The book is really great because, it talks about, so it flips between like your, you and childhood, which was mind blowing, Emily. Like, there was parts where I was like, wow, I had no idea that this was your life.

And it's not for like a pity party, but I'm like, this lady is fucking strong. Thank you. Yeah. That's crazy what you went through. It was a lot. Yeah. And I think when you came into my office, what did we have? Just like a little hangout session. Yeah. Not too long ago. Yeah. And I was like. Were you really like stealing cars and like doing, I was.

Did you really go to jail and then it sounds like you went to like a halfway house as a teenager. I went to a children's home, an orphanage, children's home technically is what it was for six months and I went to rehab. But that sounded like your good times though, right? I mean, yeah. I mean, the second rehab I went to at 15 years old, so I like to say like I was a low bottom drunk.

And a high bottom drunk, right? Like, so my first time with alcohol, I started drinking at 13 and by the time I was 14, 15 years old, I was a runaway on the streets of Manchester, New Hampshire, where I grew up, my sister and I. And we did a lot of crazy shit that runaways on the street.

Do you know my boyfriend was 19, I was 13, which, yes, which was my first husband. Right. So that's another whole Oh yeah. You end up marrying him. I end up marrying him years later and we just did a lot of crazy. Ass shit. And how I ended up in rehab, it talks about, in the story is I was actually, I lost my virginity in a shack.

Yeah. And with other people there. Like I lost normal my waterbed when my parents were outta town when I was 16. Well, good for you. That's way more comfortable though. No, it wasn't though. 'cause I couldn't figure out what was going on, you know? Right. I didn't really know what was going on either. I was like, did we just have sex?

I don't know. I think, yeah. And so I was cleaning myself up. Like my, I, my sister knew what was happening. My sister was there and I'm like, what do I do? You know? And she was like, okay, we had to go find a bathroom and we ended up in a church hall, you know, and you know, I forget how we got in, but we didn't get in in a good way, you know?

Mm-hmm. So they called the police, and the police came while my sister and I are in the church rectory bathroom, trying to, um. Clean me up from the night before and I ended up, that started me on a path. I ended up in rehab and it was a 28 day program and I stayed for 90 days 'cause I, after I realized I wanted help, I needed help.

Like, I didn't want them to let me go. Yeah. And so, and in rehab back in the 90, well this is 1988. Like, it wasn't like rehabs today where, you know, they get to drive you around on field trips. Like it was like locked down isolation. I'm in an institution, I'm a flight risk. So they like lock the key, like you're not going here.

So more like psych ward. It's psych ward. Yeah. And matter of fact, I, we shared it with the psych ward, right? Because how many teenagers at 15? How many teenagers are in rehab in the eighties? That's why I was reading this and I was like, this is wild. Right? It was right. It was crazy. And so, yeah, so then I, I didn't wanna go home.

I still didn't, I grew up in a, you know, in a project and I didn't wanna go back. Yeah. You know, and so they sent me to this orphanage children's home, and I met some of the most amazing kids and people that have been through worse stuff than I've been through. And, I'll never forget those kids.

And I don't know where they are today, but my, I just pray that they've found. You know? Mm-hmm Pope, and that they found a good life for themselves. But the chances are probably. Probably not, but yeah. I like to think of them like in my brain, I like to think of them as like they had a success story.

Yeah. You know? But I bet that some of them do. Yeah. But in that, when that children's home, Dover Children's Home I was at, I was the first time I had a dream to, I wanted to be an author and a writer, and I wanted to tell my story. But you know, when you're 14 or 15 years old, like you still got a lot of life.

I had a lot of life. Less to live, live well back then too. Were you gonna like write it on paper? You know? Right. What? Right. I think. Yeah. Right. Which is a lot of challenges. Mm-hmm. With writing, you know, when Yeah. And I wasn't super educated, you know, I didn't, so I stayed sober for three years back then and went back to high school, graduated high school, got accepted to community college, started college, ended up in Florida.

Yeah. You know, all those things. And then I, I and my, a counselor of mine told me that, that I was seeing that, that she thought that didn't really have an alcohol problem, that she thought I had a behavior problem. And then I was just a child of an alcoholic, and that's like the perfect storm for somebody to tell you as an alcoholic.

I'm like, yeah, that's what I was thinking. Yeah. Oh, I know that's got a behavior problem. It goes back to what I was saying, like, you like it when people are more drunk than you. Right. You know, you're like, perfect, perfect. And so then I started with, this is where all my rules came in. So book two is about, okay, so I need to get that book.

Yeah, you need this book. Matter of fact, you can have this one. Okay. Can I, well, I can order on Amazon. No, I keep Will you sign it? Yeah, I should. I would love that. I had the intention to bring the book. I read like the book I own in so you could sign it. But again, I don't really have a brain. I'm still on vacation brain.

I know. You, you just got back like I was even questioning if you were gonna make it back. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, we were too. I'm gonna do a whole podcast on that shit show of a trip. I can't wait to hear it. Yeah. So book, so book one. Is about the parallels of the three abusively. Yes. Which is my dad. Okay.

So yeah, my first husband with a 19-year-old that I met on the streets. Right. And then, and then my third husband, the French man, right? Yes. But there's a 20 year gap between, the first husband. And the third husband, and that's what this book is about. So book two oh, okay. Is about a road. So when I went to Florida after graduation, and I married the 19-year-old, right?

He had gone to Florida, and that's, that whole story's in here. And I followed him because that's what US codependents do, right? Mm-hmm. And so I started changing my life though, like I started reinventing myself. And Florida gave me that opportunity. And I talk about how. My higher power at the time I called, God, I don't call it God anymore, but I did then, okay, hold on.

Let's stop and talk about this for a second. Okay. Because I love this. I get a lot of like dms on TikTok that people are like, well, you go to aa. I don't want to go 'cause it's religious. And what I say is, and I don't tell your story, but I say, you know, anyone can say anything. I know a girl in AA who has a random name for her higher power, excuse me.

And I think it helps people, you know. Like, I'm not, I don't know why my, my higher power just choked me right there. She's like, it's not man joke. She's like, it's not random, but I mean, it's 'cause I'm trying to be a little ba you know? Right. I'm just like trying to show people like, you know, I, I personally, I believe in God and so I'll say that.

I said, but you know, the people ina believe whatever they wanna believe, right? I get to have a higher power of my own choosing. Right? So I developed, rows. Yeah, I call her right when my tattoo is my says rose nose. Because then when I look down at that, I think, you know, my, my higher power knows she's got the bird's eye view, right?

So I just have to trust, you know? Mm-hmm. So I call her Rose and the collective. And so the collective part is like, I believe in spirituality, in this connection of that we are all one. Yeah. And that we're all connected. Collective consciousness, collective consciousness. So that's my higher power. Yeah. So you, you hear me talk about it all the time in the rooms, like talk about Rose and oh, I love them.

The first time I heard you say that I was like, wow, that's cool. Oh, thanks. You know? Yeah. 'cause I was having a hard time at first being like, I have to put myself in this pinhole box. Right. And I mean, we live in Utah. So it's like in my head I was screaming like I, you know, the only example of religion I've ever had is Mormonism.

And I was like screaming like, I do not want that box. They do not want that. Right? Yeah. So I was like, oh, this is cool. So I get to discover what God is for me. Right. That's the coolest thing. And well, I, I like to call myself a recovered Catholic too, right? So I grew up Catholic in New England and I mean, that's what, you know mostly is predominant in that area is for religion, is Catholicism, which is probably.

Equal to, or you know, they all have, all the religious denominations have, you know, here's here, here's the thing with all of 'em, right? Here's what I found in studying. I've studied a little theology, is like they all have love. Right. So at the intention of all of 'em, there is lot. Oh. The core of it is great.

Right? The core of it is great. It's the rules, but the problem with, well, the problem with them is that they have people inside. Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah. And we all become corrupt on power and control and you know. Mm-hmm. How we interpret, well, you know, so right now they're voting, is that the word on a new pope?

Oh yes. Do they vote or whatever they do. I heard that, and it's so funny to me to watch the tiktoks about it, because literally it's like. Almost like the NFL draft. Like they're putting up like their age and their stats and like, oh they are, I gotta check into that. Yeah, it's like a whole thing. You can, it's like a whole thing going down.

Oh, okay. Well I didn't, yeah, it might have already happened, but, 'cause I'm not following it that close. Alright, I'll have to check in. I didn't know they did all that. Matter of fact, this guy's probably been the pope since I've been, no, I don't. Did he become the Pope? He wasn't. We're gonna sound so dumb. He, I don't think he was the pope super long.

I don't know because I can remember the last time they did this where they do the smoke thing. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well anyway, so anyways, in enough about that anyways, got her own choosing, right? So I went to Florida in my first real connection of spirituality with my higher power was that I was walking on the beach.

And I talk about that in the story, talking about. I was walking on the beach. I didn't wanna go to Florida. I didn't, didn't want to, I didn't want that to be the answer. But I was walking and I just said to my higher power, I'm like, Hey, if I'm supposed to be in Florida, if this is my path, let me find a heart shaped shell while I'm here today.

'cause Clearwater Beach, I was down there visiting. Mm-hmm. And Clearwater Beach is like full of crushed shells. And I thought, you know, but you're not gonna find a heart shape one. Oh, I bet you did. Right. But I did. That's how I ended up there. And, and so there's a cool story around that. So I ended up going there and then

then I divorced him at 24. I have two kids in tow, didn't finish college. And that's what this cover is about with the Ford Escort six by nine U-Haul. Oh. Trailer with my whole life inside like six by nine trailer is all my life. Mm-hmm. Had at, you know what I mean, 24 years old, two little babies in the backseat.

My sons were three and one, no, I'm sorry, two and four. And, i'm like a single mom at 24 years old, and all I've known is violence. Yeah. To this point in my life. That's right. I was a single mom at 21. Yeah, yeah. And it's really real, right? Mm-hmm. So I was driving across country, having this moment, driving from Florida to New Hampshire, having this moment like, what the fuck am I gonna do?

Like, all I know, how am I gonna prevent these boys from becoming violent people? How am I gonna prevent, like, I don't know anything about how to raise kids or how to, I mean, my, my past is nothing but riddled with violence and addictions and mental illness and like, I don't know how I'm gonna do this, but I had this, this fire inside of me started.

I gotta break the cycles of abuse and addiction. And, and so I, on that road trip, I had these spiritual moments with my higher power. Like it literally took me, it's a funny story 'cause literally it takes 18 hours to drive from there. The minimum, right? 18 to 24. And it took me four days. Because my grandpa rerouted me up.

They didn't want me to go on the Jersey Turnpike with the U-Haul, so I ended up in Pennsylvania. It ended up being this. This was before MapQuest? Yeah. This is before Before map. Before GPS. Yes, and I talk about that. Yeah. I had to do check-ins. You know, we had flip phones. We had dump, dump phones and G at You had a phone?

I did have a phone, but we didn't use them like back then, unless you stopped like nobody used him in the car. You know what I mean? Yeah. No, I remember my grandma had one, it was like a box and she had it in the car. 'cause she owned a floral shop. Yeah. So she like bought one of the first cell phones so they could get ahold of people.

Right. So that's like what I had. Yeah. And I would check in with grandpa at the end of it, you know. But that four day road trip was the perfect analogy to my life. 'cause I started off with this fire, like, I'm leaving his ass, I'm not looking back, you know, blah blah, blah. And I'm gonna. Break all these cycles.

I'm gonna do all this stuff and I'm gonna rule the world, just watch me get the fuck outta my way. Right? Like, this is what I'm gonna, I'm gonna rule the world. And then by day three, I'm like, so maybe I should return his phone call. Like, maybe, you know? Mm-hmm. Those, you forget those, those, yeah. Those moments of like, I'm not gonna be able to be a single mom.

How am I gonna, I literally had like $200 to my name. Mm-hmm. Like, my family was helping me get home. Like I was staying in roadside trucker stops and eating McDonald's and like shuffling my kids and we, we slept with the lights on at these trucker stops 'cause there were roaches and like, you know, and I talk about that.

Like, I couldn't afford myself, nevermind two kids. And then how am I gonna change my, my world in my life? And, and I did, you know, looking back like I did it, you know? So that's what Book two talks about and it talks about that gap. Of the calm in the storm, I call it, you know, like. I had this hurricane running in my violent life, right?

And then I had this calm where I raised these boys and I created, I got into real estate and I have these great self-help junkie moments where I'm like doing it. And then when you are as sick that, that saying, they say in the rooms about being as sick as your secrets. I closed the door on my childhood, my violent past.

I never talked about it. I just started climbing the corporate ladder and I'm gonna be somebody and I'm gonna prove to him I'm worth loving, you know, but, and I nev my second husband, he'll, he'll find out more about my life by reading the books. Than I ever talked to him about. Oh, really? Because I closed the door.

There's some things, that my husband will be like, I didn't know that happened to you. Right. And I'm just like, we're not talking about it. We're not talking about it. We're not talking about it. Yeah. But you're only as sick as your secrets. And so what happened? Like it's no surprise that third husband came around.

Yeah. And, and it's, and, and I got PTSD. And I am now diagnosed chronically P ts. Because What about you? I'm sure you have Complex PTSD. Oh yeah. After, just from reading your childhood, you know, I got shit. Yeah. Here's what's crazy. When I married my third husband, we were sitting out back on the deck drinking, you know, of course that was our life.

And all of a sudden I started telling stories about my dad and my childhood and I'd be like. Why am I, oh, why am I talking to you about this? Like he was trigger his behavior triggering me. Were triggering. 'cause your dad sounds, well again, I've read the book, you guys, your dad was an abusive asshole. He was an abusive asshole.

Like extreme abuse. Yes. Yeah, he was. And yes, and I got the brunt of that because I was the tough one. Right outta my siblings. I was a tough one. And so, um, I think when you're a child of an abusive situation, you get that fight or flight syndrome. Mm-hmm. And my siblings, some of 'em, like you either decide you're gonna fight or you're gonna fly.

Right. And my sister, my older sister and I talk about her in here, um, she flew inside of herself. Right. She wasn't emotionally or mentally able to handle what was going on in our childhood. So she ended up. Um, getting multiple personalities, schizophrenia, like she withdrew inside and these other alter ego people came out of her to protect her, right?

That's, she dealt with it by withdrawing. I dealt with it like, come hell or fucking high water. SOB I'm, and I was the one in the family that stood my ground eventually to him and told him exactly what I thought. But I also found forgiveness for my dad later. And I talk about that in book two too, about, oh, I need to read book two.

You need to read book two. I loved your first book because as an alcoholic, it's so helpful that you're sharing these stories. And if you guys can hear in the background, they're painting a mural outside of my window, so it's Oh, that's right. Yeah. It's like beep. But I don't know if you guys will be able to hear it.

But if you do, that's what it is. It's really pretty though. It is gorgeous. It's massive. Yeah. Anyways, I loved it because, you know, I always say this, I'm like, I love when other alcoholics share their stories because then I don't feel like I'm just on stupid island, you know? Right. But also I'm like, I don't love that you are an alcoholic, you know?

Right. So, but I appreciate that you shared your story and so when you guys read her first book, you've got. It'll like flip back and forth. So it goes from childhood and then it goes to, or did you say your husband, I know you give him a code name in there. Yeah, but what, I mean, I was like, what name are we saying in the book?

His name is Gusan. Yes. Yeah. Which is funny. I'm reading it, I'm like, that's not his name, but, well, everybody I talk to, I'm like, well, their real name is, you know. Yeah. I was like, I didn't know if we were saying his real name. And then it flips to that. Which, when you were talking about when you guys went to Scottsdale and he like basically tried to kill you and we were divorced by then.

Oh, you were divorced when you went to Scottsdale. But I was just reading it. I was like, I had no idea that you got, went through all those things. Right. You know, I just figured you were, I knew he wasn't with you because I'd seen him at the bar scene. Right. You know, and I knew that like you guys weren't together.

'cause I'd seen him about with other girls, like, you know, and well that might not have been the tall tale. I mean, he might, we might have still been together. True. Very, very true. Because there was a lot of that going on. Well, and I was like, they're obviously not together, you know, but I was like, I didn't know you'd gone through all those things.

Right. Just crazy. He turned into a very, you know, once, once we crossed that line. Mm-hmm. There's no going back. No. Over those lines, you know? Yeah. And so we crossed that line when we got back from France and I found out he had been cheating on me with a Spanish girl in the housekeeping at the hotel. Like they were usually like literally using Google Translate, say penis and espanol, right.

Is like, I'm just like, really? Are you kidding me? And I had helped him. You know, with immigration, I paid for everything footed. I was a sugar mama. Yeah, that's, that's the truth. Absolutely. You were right. Yeah. It was very, the PTSD came out in full rage when the day I found out. About the cheating, which meant that he had been cheating on me for eight months and we had just got back from France celebrating our one year anniversary.

So maybe you should have waited till 10 years. You know, my love story, even though I got to keep, it, was not the reality of what was really happening for him and what like, I mean, it just wasn't. You know, I was delusional about. Mm-hmm. And I think when all that reality came forward, I mean, my alcoholism, I mean, that was the bottom, the beginning of the bottom for me on how did I let this happen to me?

How did this come full circle? And so did, it was hard to, for me to comprehend. Did. Okay. So did you get sober before you got divorced or after? After. After. I got sober, so we, our divorce was final in Septe, I'm sorry, February of, yeah, February 14th. 2020. 2020. Which was just a great year for everyone. The day I became Emily Blossom.

Right, right. The covid year and that's what happened. Day drinking started. Right. I was divorced day. That's actually the first time I went to AA was in 2020. Okay. Yeah. I did not go in 2020, so I, my sobriety date is one four of 21. Well, so it was only sober that whole year for like 45 days or something?

Yeah. You know. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I was day drinking after the divorce and homeschooling my son, feeling sorry for myself, you know, like with the world and well, everyone was like, just put wine in your cup. It was weird. Right. Yeah, I don't know why we were all doing that. We, we had, we were numbing, we had a moment of numbing, right?

So, so the Scottsdale thing that when he almost killed me in Scottsdale, that was in September of 2020. So we were already divorced, but what happened was I drunk. Dialed him in April. You know those moments where you're like the truth. I was like lonely drinking on my patio by myself. Yeah. Drunk and like, Hey, wanna get some, Hey.

Mm-hmm. Right. He was really good at that part. Mm-hmm. And so, but he came back and he didn't leave. Like I thought we were just gonna have a one night. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Thanks for the dick. Thanks. Thanks. Yeah. No, he did not leave and he ended up staying there and that's probably the time that you saw him.

So what, what was the final draw with Hi and Scottsdale was not the final draw. I like to say that it was, but it wasn't. Yeah. Christmas, what was the final draw? Was this suddenly moment Christmas. I'm drunk off my ass again. So is he, we're doing Santa Claus deal, you know what I mean? And like three o'clock in the morning he decides he's gonna sit me down and have a serious conversation and he's like, baby, I've been honest with you since March of 2020.

I'm like, first of all. We barely talked in March of 2020, we were divorced. Right? Congratulations. So my drunk brain is going, wait, what? And so he's like, I've been honest with, so the, the year of 2020, even though we did all this day re he didn't leave my house. We were sleeping with other people. We weren't ma we weren't together.

And so I was with other people. He was with other people. That's probably when you saw him at all the bar. And I'm like, I had this come to Jesus moment of like this, this is the year. You've been honest with me, this is as honest as this is gonna get. And I just looked at him with this stone cold, sober face, and I just said, get the fuck out.

Yeah. And he goes, what do you mean? Wait, no, no, no. You don't understand. And I said, yeah, I understand. This is as good as it's gonna get. You need to get the fuck out. And he left. He's like, you're fucking cra. You know all this, blah, blah, blah. You're crazy. Da da da. And off, he and I never, and it's been ever since.

And then, and then I got sober. I had another big episode on New Year's that year of a drunken mess that I just caused de you know, incomprehensible demoralization they say, right? Like, and I was like, this isn't just about him. This is me. This is my deal. Yeah. Mine wasn't like I got A-D-U-I-I should have though, 'cause I don't remember driving home that day.

But it wasn't like the first time I'd done that. Like I don't have some big, you know. Right. I didn't have that yet. No one was telling me to stop drinking. It was just fucking enough of this enough. And it took me three days to get off the couch. That's why my sobriety day is one four. Right. This was, this was a New Year's shindig and I, Dave, it took me four days to get to drag my ass in there and, admit that I was an alcoholic to myself and others.

And, and so yeah, I've been, so I haven't turned back since then, but yeah, that whole year was a shit show of drinking and madness. That's awesome. Okay, so, but now you have, I remember you just got your three year chip. No, I picked up four. Four. Oh, it was four. Four year. I'm working on my fifth year coming around.

What's that way Bigger than three, four years. Four. I was just looking at this on my phone the other day. It's almost four and a half years. That's amazing. It'll be four and a half in July. Does it start to just feel like an integrated part of your life? I mean, it does for me, but I can tell you what, it's way easier to stay sober than to get sober.

Yeah. Like it's, that part's way easier. Like my first year was, hell like it just because you're rethink. It's not that, it's not the drinking part, like the obsession to drink went away in the first 90 days. Like I didn't think that would go away, but it did. Same 'cause I was so hyper fixated on it. Yeah.

And so that went away. But what you don't realize is like how much you've orchestrated your whole life, like around it. And it's so, it's like finding, finding how to live soberly, you know, in, you just have to, you have to change everything, you know? They say that in in, in aa, right? You have to. Change one thing and that's everything.

Yeah. And that's what I had to do. It's, you know, we're really built around our habits. So I tell people this too. I'm like, well, you know, if that's what you do on Thursday, I was a big thirsty Thursday. I was like, oh, I've made it to Thursday. I haven't had a drink for three days, you know? So I was like, oh, we're gonna get drunk on Thursday night.

So I knew like Thursday nights, like I needed to do something else. So then I started taking myself to yoga, which I hate. I don't go to yoga anymore, but it was like I had to. Right. To do something different. Like even if, even I've even just had to drive around in my fucking car before. Right. And that's what I spent my whole first and actually the second year.

I hate to break it too. The second year is harder. Yay. The second year was harder because, because now you're. Now you're in this. Okay. You spent the first year getting sober, right? And like fixing ha, you know, fixing habits, coming up with new things, or Well, and you're almost like, you got a big shiny gold star.

I'm sober. Yeah. And now I'm kind of over myself. I'm like, cool. Yeah. So when you're approaching year two, you're like, okay, now what? Right? Mm-hmm. Like now what's the, now you're actually going to do this deal every single day. Like this is a, like, you start realizing that, that this is a lifer. Right?

Yeah. This is a do or die. And you're like, okay. One of the girls in the room said to me in my early, in my early sobriety, which has sat with me ever since, which she says, Emily, it's not just about living a sober life. It's about loving living a sober life. Ooh. And I've thought about that, like if I have to love it, like there's one thing, like you go through the motions of it, but do I, if I have to love it.

What does it have to look like? Well, it had to look different than even my first year because I'm like, if I have to love it, I gotta make changes. I gotta keep making changes. I gotta keep finding what works for me. I, I mean, I wrote my books Yeah. In, in Sober life and you know, and I don't know if I was more addicted to men or drinking.

Right. So I also had to go celibate for a while. You know, they recommend a year. Well, I had my first boyfriend in AA and I did not wait. You know, like you're not, you know, I've heard from the ladies you're not supposed to do that. You're not. You're not. But I'm a rule breaker, you know, play in the gray or do you like, we're different.

We're DI can do it. This is true love. This is, yeah. So that did not work out. Obviously. He just turned out to be. Like all the others, you know? Yeah. But, and even he realized it, even he was like, I'm kind of seeing some relatability here. So I'm like, yeah, me too. That's a little, you know, it's my pattern, right.

So I have been single for three years now, and so I keep that date. So in May Memorial Day weekend, it'll be three years of. No boyfriend. No boyfriend, which is almost a bigger sobriety date than four years of no drinking because dropping relationships and being able, finding that self-love and self-soothing and all of that, I mean, the first year without a boyfriend or a relationship was harder than the first year of no drinking for me.

Yeah. So that was. It's been a huge growing and really finding out what it means to take care of Emily, you know, and who Emily is and mm-hmm. I would've never written my books if I hadn't have been single. You know, I would be too focused on this other person and my codependent nature, you know, like, yeah.

Yeah. So now you need someone to come in and like match that energy. I just want like a cherry on top, you know what I mean? Yeah. I want somebody that just, or maybe you don't. Do. You don't even need someone to come in, do you know? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it would be nice. Yeah. You know, but I'm just saying like, I don't think that's gonna make your life.

No, my life is pretty complete. It's not like you're, yeah, that's what I'm saying. And pretty busy. You're not like, oh, I must, I must marry and produce errors, you know? No. Mary's is not happening again. Three's enough. Never say Never three's enough. Yeah. I always tell people, I'm like, I'm not gonna run a marathon.

And they're like, mm. Oh my God, I just shouldn't talk. I shouldn't talk. You should. I probably will. I'll do it with you a full well because right now sign up. Let's, right now with half, let start right now I can't even get myself to sign up for the half 'cause I really enjoy running. Like I'll go out and run like three, four miles.

That's great. Yeah. I love that. The most I can do is four miles right now. Yeah. The most I can do, I could probably run, well, I'll do like walking breaks too. I'm not real serious about my time, but I could probably do like eight. Hmm. I could probably do eight if I could walk, run. Yeah. Yeah. I could walk, run.

Oh yeah. Yeah. We, I do a little walkie when I need to. So we could get to 13. We could do 13. Yeah. You know, I watch if we can do eight, we can do 13. Sam, I'm on the TikTok, you know, and I watch a ton of people who run marathons and they, a lot of 'em do a walk run. Oh. Yeah, you don't have to full solid. See, that's how we are.

It's all or nothing. Like I'm, I'm either gonna run across that finish line or I'm not doing it. Well, we're gonna run across the finish line and anywhere people can see us, right? No, but camera's on. Hurry up. Yeah, but I've been watching a lot of like, 'cause the London Marathon just happened. Which I thought this was interesting.

Did you know that the people who ran in the London Marathon this last time also are now in the Guinness World Record book? Because it was the largest marathon ever. Oh, I did not know that. I know. I was like, that's interesting. Oh, but if you, you just gotta find one of those then. Yeah. I did runner talk, basically.

And a lot of people talk about how they will run walk. Oh yeah, it's normal. I didn't even know that was an option. All right. Yes, it's, yeah. Count me in then and I'm in. Yeah. Well, I've been running for a year and a month. Me too. Because, because I started running a month before I got sober. It was weird too 'cause people were like, why are you running?

I was like, I don't know. And then obviously it took me through those first few months 'cause I would just cry and run. Wow. Yeah. So, but when I started I couldn't. Good for you. There's no way I could've ran in my first year. There's no way I could barely get out of bed. Think it was saving me. It was literally saving me.

That's awesome. And my son would come at the time back then too, when I was just running these shorter, he tapped out after I got to a certain point short when I couldn't quite, when I could. Okay. I couldn't run a whole minute. Like that was hard for me. And he would come run that and he'd be like, what are you doing mom?

It was so cute. That is cute. Yeah. So having him and then a lot of times I'd run solo, but like yeah, it's totally safe me. That's amazing. Yeah. But no, if you can run, like I could barely like. The first 90 days, it was like all I could do to get up and go to work like that was all I could do. Well that's it's, it's a mental disorder.

I have. Yeah. I was like, well, I am sober now. I'm also going to run marathons and you know, that's our all or nothing. So world hunger, we're gonna Yeah, that's, that's how we go. That's how we do. Yes. Okay. But wrapping up here, you've got some incredible books. Thank you. I think you said I could give some away on my, I would love to give so.

This month is Mental Health Awareness Month. Okay. Can I get some away on my Instagram or my TikTok? I would love to give upset away on your thing. Yeah. Okay. So one? Yeah, one of each. I would love to give away on your, okay. So you can even give away two sets if you want. Let's do it. I'll give away two sets.

I have a lot of people who follow me. Yeah. Sobriety, TikTok, I'll talk about your books. We'll give them away because they're really powerful. Thank you. And your story needs to be shared. I love it. Yeah. But thanks for taking the time on Thursday. Thank you for having me to come down. This has been so fun.

Put down your lady broker boss. I know. T-shirt. I don't know what you got. Yeah, now I gotta go back to be boss lady. I know. I'm like my phone. I'm like, oh, phones. I know, I know. But yeah, thanks for your time today and thanks for sharing your story. And I don't know, just thanks for being willing to be my friend again.

I love you. I love you too.