From Transition to Empowerment: Jessica Frew on Shoving Your Shoulds

Empowering Transitions with Jessica Frew: From Personal Betrayal to Professional Triumph

In this podcast episode, Samantha Parker welcomes Jessica Frew, an author, speaker, and life coach known for empowering high-achieving women navigating big transitions such as betrayal, identity shifts, and decision making. Jessica shares her journey of unlearning conditioned decision-making patterns and helping women align with their true selves. The discussion covers their recent experiences at the Powerhouse Women event and the insights they gained. Jessica also discusses her upcoming book, 'Shove Your Shoulds,' which aims to help women tackle societal expectations, set healthy boundaries, and embrace authenticity. The episode is filled with personal stories, actionable advice, and a deep dive into the importance of self-trust and intuition.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:15 Jessica Frew's Decision-Making Coaching

02:47 Recap of Powerhouse Women Event

03:13 Jessica's Upcoming Book: Shove Your Shoulds

06:29 Jessica's Personal Journey and Marriage

09:45 Navigating Divorce and Moving Forward

15:27 Powerhouse Women Event Highlights

24:36 Dealing with Online Criticism

24:54 Inspiration from Lacey Green

26:23 The Importance of Intuition

27:33 Taking Action and Asking for Help

29:15 Balancing Work and Family

30:31 Event Highlights and Reflections

33:29 Empowerment and Decision Making

41:36 Book Launch and Personal Insights

Jessica Frew Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/heyjessicafrew?igsh=MTNobWM2ODI5d3Bv

Shove your Shoulds: https://tr.ee/ntm1QU9RaF

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Transcript

 Hey guys, welcome back to the podcast. Today I am thrilled to welcome my new friend, Jessica Frew. Welcome to the show, Jessica. 

Thank you for having me. 

Okay, so you're an author, a speaker, a life coach, and you're known for empowering, high achieving women, navigating big transitions. So betrayal, identity shifts, reclaiming decision making power, when I met you, you told me you were a decision making coach.

So why don't you just start right there. What the hell is that?

I love that. so I help women unlearn the decision making patterns that have been conditioned into them, whether through society, culture, religion, all of the things that tell us who we should be. I help you go in and release that conditioning so that?

you are making decisions then in alignment with who you are. Without the judgment, without the, but this is what I should do, or this is what I need to do for everybody else. Getting you really in tune who you are and so that's, yeah, that's what I do. 

I love it. You said it was such conviction too. 'cause I met you at Create and Cultivate like a month ago, and then we went to Powerhouse Women. I'm gonna say together. I just, because I was, I was like, Hey, you should go to this. And then you were there, I loved how much conviction you had when you said it at Create and Cultivate.

I was like, I wanna introduce myself with that much conviction. 

Mm. 

I thought it was really.

when those words came to me, which was through a coach of mine, she was like, Jessica, what you do is you help people make decisions. And I was like, oh, snap. That is it. And so now I do say it with conviction because I know I help women make decisions in whatever way feels right for them. I'm not a coach that's gonna come in and tell you what to do.

I will hold you accountable to what I hear you say. Saying, you wanna do, but I'm not going to tell you, I'm not gonna put another shut on you of what your life should look like. I want to help women feel so aligned and connected to their intuition that they just know how to make decisions for themselves. 

Yes, I love it. I would love to just have a decision presented to me and I'm like, Ooh, I know exactly what I'm aligned with, exactly what resonates with me and keep my direction moving forward. I do feel really dialed in. This is probably the most dialed in I feel to my vision, in my whole 10 years of business.

And it's a great space to be in.

Yeah. And I feel that from you, like watching you, I'm like, oh, okay. I need her in.

my life, both as a friend and professionally. 

I know. I just decided you were my friend. I was like, come along. We're friends now. . Okay, so today, listen, I do this a lot. For you guys listening to the podcast. Today we are gonna do a full recap of powerhouse women. It was really an incredible event.

I came home and was like, I got. All my money's worth. I feel like a different person. I feel so much clarity and I learned so many things. We are gonna do a full recap because so many people have DMed me and they're like, how was it? I've seen it. I've always wanted to go. How was it? Are you getting a lot of those questions?

Yes. 

Yeah.

I was there, people are like, oh my gosh. Tell me all the things. 

This is gonna be the episode where we tell you all the things, but I want you guys to get to know Jessica just a little bit better because you have a book coming out and I think that's just such a big deal to write a book, have it published into the world. It's available for pre-sale right now, but shove your shoulds will be released on September 12th.

You're gonna help tackle the shoulds that weigh us down and offer a roadmap to setting healthier boundaries, strengthening self-trust and embracing authenticity. Okay. Like, how excited are you to bird this book?

Oh my gosh, I am so excited and completely overwhelmed. When people talk about birthing a book, it really is this process of creative I've been focused on it for over a year now. This has been, the focus is this book is given to the world with so much love and, hope that it is going to resonate when people read it.

And so it's a lot and I love it and I'm really excited about it. 

I feel like you've already birthed it, 

Yeah, 

now you have it at home and it's not time for guests to come yet. You're in that phase because you have a copy, right?

Yes. I have been working on, a couple tweaks to the cover today and then sending it for the final, proof and publish. It will be in my hands by mid next week officially. All done, which blows my mind, but yeah, it is. You are a hundred percent like the pre-sale phase is very much like I just had the baby.

Nobody can really see it yet. I'm just sitting with it. But you can sign up to get it. You can sign up to see the baby as soon as it's ready, as soon as I am ready to fully put this into the world. 

Oh, I'm excited. Are you gonna do like a full book launch party? Maybe that's the next event I'm going to.

Book Launch Party is September 13th. I will send you the invite and anybody here that's listening you're invited. 

What you doing for it?

We are, at a little local venue here, and there will be food and drinks and possibly a porta-potty that you'll have to see what that is about. 

Oh, 

I'm, 

you told me about this. You told me about it. Yeah. I won't spill though. I remember you telling me about it.

Yeah. I'm just super excited. It'll be a fun night and just so many women. There's gonna be other people besides women, but there's so many women in my community in Boise, Idaho, that have been cheering me on and supporting me. It.

feels like a way to give back and embrace and receive all of that as well, like a culmination of the excitement.

Yeah. 

Okay, hold on. I'm looking at my calendar. September 13th. Yeah. My September's Wild 

It's 

Cody, right?

that as entrepreneurs, anything from August to November just gets crazy. 

I was like, oh, I could fly to Boise, and then I'm like, no, I cannot.

Next time 

Okay, 

I might do another event later on in Utah, so I'll keep you posted. 

You should do it in the better part of the state, the warm, sunny side don't do it up north. Come down here or go to Vegas.

Yeah, that sounds fun

 Yes, if you do I'll be there. I wish I could attend but congratulations on your book. I'm excited. I'll cheer you on online. 

Mm-hmm. 

Okay. This journey to writing the book can we do a little bit of your backstory? 

Yes. Let's dive 

Okay.

When people ask me about my story, I'm like, I know exactly where to start. My upbringing was just granola. It was vanilla and beautiful and so great. I am so grateful for that in my childhood. I was raised in the LDS Church, Mormon, and it gave me a very straight path forward of what my life should look like and How, I should live and what I should do.

For a long time that felt pretty comfortable to me that being said, I very much did not fit the mold in my appearance. I never have. I've always had crazy hair. I always wore crazy clothes, and so I had to tackle that at a young age of understanding who I was in that area and realizing it was okay.

Like I got to be who I felt I was created to be and that was good. That was a good thing within me, and I think that launched this journey into understanding my life got to be what I wanted it to be. I got married young, as many Mormons do, to my first husband, Steve, and about six months into our marriage. We were like idyllic marriage. Everybody's the first year is so hard and I was like, this is easy. We are so good together and work so well. Six months in, I found a bunch of gay porn on our computer. All of this pornography started popping up and it's all men.

And I was like, what the heck? I knew he looked up porn. Did not realize it was all men. What does this mean? Is my husband gay? At the time, Steve couldn't say the words, he was gay. He's I'm not gay. I'm not gay. In fact, he said that was the first time he ever let himself even think the words, I am gay.

And he couldn't bring himself to even say that because that wasn't what you did. That wasn't the path, that wasn't how it was supposed to be. Fast forward, another two years, he's in counseling and the counselor's okay, you're dealing with all of these things, but until you accept the fact that you are gay, you are still going to struggle with all of this until you love yourself and accept yourself for who you are, you can't move past that. At that point he came to me and he's I am

How,

Go

how old were you 

we got married when we were, I was 20, he was 23, 

so you're like young twenties.

At this point he's like 25 ish, almost 25. when he actually could say the words, he was gay to me, nobody else. He still couldn't vocalize that anywhere else. And we decided to stay married. We really enjoyed each other. We had fun together. We had a good sex life. Everybody always asks about that and I was like, things felt good. He wasn't ready to come out, he couldn't do it. I was like, I'm good. We can keep going. In the next five years we had a daughter together. And did all sorts of things moved to Belize and Colorado and Oklahoma and all of these things. he did eventually have an affair with a man, and after that point, we still tried to work it out. He was still confused. He's still I just can't leave you. I don't know what to do. And I was like, Steve, this is the time.

Go be who you are created to be. Go live your truth. I am here beside you, cheering you on and supporting you in the ways that I can emotionally at the beginning. We were both a hot mess because we're dealing with infidelity and divorce but I am, here and our daughter's here we need you and we love you, and we will be your biggest cheerleaders.

So we decided to get divorced and it was a mess. Just as every divorce is. But we really went forward with a plan of how we wanted divorce to look and how we wanted this relationship to look. Because again, there's a way you're supposed to do it. There's a way you should feel when you get divorced.

There's a way it should look when you navigate that relationship. And we really just threw that to the wind and said, no, we are creating something that works for us with the vision and plan that we would support each other and love each other. We never wanted our daughter to have to worry about her parents being in the same room at anything important to her. That's what we've done. And it's been when we've been divorced, like 14 years now, our daughter's almost 16. She was two when we got divorced. And it's really been. ride and also such a joy and a gift to see how love can change and expand when we allow it to, when we allow ourselves to heal and see the beauty on the other side of that. that's where the book has sprung from. In the work I've done working with women in different phases of life and transitioning through different things of helping them release. What this is supposed to look like, what we've been told our life has to look like, to feel fulfilled, to be happy, and all those things.

And when we get there and we're like, I'm not happy, or this did not go according to plan, what do I do now? It's really helping you identify where we're blocking ourselves in our conditioning so that we can embrace what's next. I've seen how it's worked for me. I've helped hundreds of women navigate that as well.

And now I get to help even more women with this book. That's where it all stemmed from

That's beautiful. At any time during the process, were you just dude, let me go.

With Steve, my ex. it didn't happen until the affair and because I knew I could leave, like I knew I didn't have to stay. I chose to stay for a very long time just because it felt like the right thing to do for us. It felt good for us. But then after the affair, I really struggled with the fact he wasn't attracted to me anymore this felt so right. with you feels not good now. And I was like, there's no way we can stay together. I want somebody who is attracted to me, and I felt guilty about that. Like why is this so important? And I was like, no, this is what a marriage is. This is a huge part of what separates relationship or a friendship from a marriage.

And it's not everything, but it's a big part of it. And so I was like, you know what? This is our time to go.

And he kept saying, no, let's work it out. And I was like, Steve, everything you're doing is saying you. Want something else. I know you're torn, but we need to be done.

So I was ultimately the one that called it and was like, we gotta move forward. 

Yeah, and I met you at Crate and Cultivate, and then, we started following each other and I was like, I've already seen a bunch of these reels. Like I've seen this content. And I think maybe being from Utah, it sparked my attention, like Mormon gay husband, all the things.

It took me a second. I was like, I know who this girl is. I don't know you, but I've seen your content. 

Yeah, 

So I thought that was cool and a little full circle, we chatted it up. I convinced you to go to I just DMed you a few. I was like, you should come to this.

Are you going? 

Yeah. I was like, are you going to this? You should go to this. Here's the link. Just sign yourself up. But we go to powerhouse women and you had had something like you had text me and you were like, Hey, I'm not gonna make it. Then you were like, just kidding. I'm on a plane and I'm coming.

How was that dealing with grief, you just lost your, amazing grandma and then being like, okay, I am gonna go to this event a couple days later.

It was just so crazy because decided I wasn't going the night before the event and the night before I found out my grandma passed. So my grandma passed Friday morning before I got on a plane to go, and it just. Didn't feel right to leave. I was supposed to leave at 6:15 AM the next morning, and I was like, this doesn't feel right.

I canceled everything. I canceled my hotel, I canceled my flight, and all of the things I even reached out to them to see if there's any chance I could get a refund, which I knew wasn't gonna happen, and just was like, okay, I'm gonna be at peace with this. I'm sad and I told you this, I'm gonna let myself feel sad and then I will be okay. and then the next morning when my.

dad messaged me and told me my grandma had passed it was his mom and my mom was outta town, I was like, you know what? I am so glad I'm here. Just even if it's this morning to be with my dad and sit with him. We went and got donuts and chocolate milk 'cause that's his favorite thing. And just talked and shared some things. I told him I had canceled this trip. He was like, what? I was like, things just weren't lining up. It didn't feel responsible financially, it didn't feel, I don't know, like things just didn't feel right. And the next thing I know, I get a Venmo from my dad covering the whole cost of the trip.

And he's if it feels right, go. If not, just Venmo me back. And I was like, okay.

My.

Watching my dad right now, he lost his dad in November, and we weren't expecting his mom to go. She seemed good, so it felt surprising even though she was 93. he is in this phase of just living chase the dreams, go do the thing. He's always been that way, but it's definitely expanded. He went and bought himself a Porsche yesterday, and he wants that for the people around him. He's very much go do the thing. So when that Venmo came I was like, all right, I am gonna go i'm okay. I can do this financially. It's not a question now. And all of the things I was like, I'm outta here. I'm gonna go.

I love that. So you messaged me and you were like, I'm here. And I'm like this is fun. And we go to the first night, let's get into powerhouse women. Both of us did the, they call it the ultimate experience, but basically it was like the VIP upgrade. So we got to go Friday night and then the additional Sunday Mastermind.

Friday night was PJ and Prosecco, and I thought they did an amazing job.

Yeah. it was a fun night, like a great way to start introducing yourself to people and feeling out the vibe.

I wasn't sure what the PJs were gonna be like. I had seen some comments online that it was like lingerie and I was like, I'm not going in lingerie. But you showed up in your swimsuit cover up, which was phenomenal by the way. You were like, I forgot pajamas. 

this will 



Yeah, but it was cool how they had it set up, with different vendors. I wouldn't say, it wasn't a ton of 'em, but they had really great setups. I really liked how they had done the mocktail that made my heart very happy. They were doing it with Glowy, which is Laurie Harder's company.

The probiotic drink. 

Yeah, 

I liked that.

variety of things. I liked the icebreakers that they did too, with the truth or dare type 

Mm-hmm.

I was like, that was such an easy way to get people to start mingling and introducing themselves to each other and like low pressure on our end and their end.

It was easy. It was basic, and I love things like that. I'm like, this worked and it wasn't a big deal. 

And you know what's cool about that is one of the girls I met during the icebreaker thing, she's dmd me and she's starting a little mastermind group for women that she met there. 

That is so cool. 

Yeah.

One of the ladies I met was one of the speakers I didn't know that, but I was telling her like 

Oh, the billion dollar, the billionaire that owns a bank. I was like, Jessica and I were chatting with her Friday night, no big deal. And I even saw her on the way to the pool one day and she was like, hello? And I'm like, this woman owns a bank.

And that's how I felt about a lot of the speakers it was no big deal. I loved that feeling that it didn't matter what phase you were at in your business, we were all there. Together to support each other and learn together. But she had met, like when I was talking to her and I told her my truth was that next year I will be a paid keynote speaker.

And she's oh my gosh, send me your one page. I get asked to speak a lot and when it doesn't resonate or feel right, I always send them somebody else to reach out to. She's I'll totally send people your way. I was like, sweet. This is set up.

Did you send her your one pager? 

I will be sending that tomorrow.

I was like, okay, it better be on your to-do list

today is stacked and the last couple days I'm like, I need a minute to grieve, to be at peace, to let everything sink in. Today I have interviews and coaching calls all day. Tomorrow is my day. I will do it. I'm holding myself accountable.

I love that. I was voice texting a friend this morning and saying, normally I don't feel like this, but I wish that I had blocked off somehow. Like I'd blocked off four or five like this just the entire week because there's a lot of things that I took in that I wanna do and there's a lot of people that I wanna connect with and I was like.

I wish I had selfishly made it a week for me. I normally don't feel like that when I go to things. I'm just like, cool. I learned some things and we just work it in,

oh my gosh. I feel like that after every event that I need, a week to process afterwards and implement, and this time speaking to this, I'm like, I need to stay hyperfocused on the book. Like I have a good thing going. I don't wanna mess it up. I don't need to. Do anything crazy right now. So I'm hyper-focused.

I made a list of everything that I was like, these are my ideas, these are what I was thinking. So that I have it and put it on my calendar for after the book launch, like the last week of September. I'm like, here's the time to revisit everything and go implement it. So I'm glad it's accounted for.

I love that. I have several notes I made from this weekend and one of us, the moves from powerhouse of women. These are the things that I was like, I'm gonna make a move on this. I also did something that I thought was genius. Did you see me doing it? I was screenshot every person I've talked to in person, I was screenshotting their profile and putting them in my notes app with a note about them.

Like the girl that we met, you met her in line too, and she had bought herself a Dolce and Cabana dress. 

Yeah. 

I've got those notes. 

Awesome. 

Yeah, I'm gonna reach out to every one of these people, which is something I've never done before. Every time, one of the main speakers or powerhouse women in general was resharing to their stories.

I was clicking 'em and following whoever it was, and I was sending them a message and commenting on a bunch of their posts. I was on some sort of powerhouse networking. I was like, there's so many cool people here. I want to connect with them. 

Yeah. 

So I was like, on.

the people. Yeah, that's great. I went in after the event each day, sat in my hotel room and ate my kids cheese pizza and french fries and would put them into a spreadsheet. So I went in and put the people I met into a spreadsheet with their Instagram handles, who they were, what they did, and if I could remember.

Where they lived, because I wanna be able to know if I'm traveling somewhere, I can look in there and be like, who's here that I might be able to reach out to and get lunch or something.

Genius. That is super genius. Maybe I'll put them in,

I think from Jasmine Star or something. It's somebody's podcast 

oh 

from. 

She talked, I heard her mention it. On stage that she puts everyone on a spreadsheet, 

Yes, 

right?

it was on her. She had talked about it like a week or two ago on her podcast too. So I was like, Ooh, this is perfect timing to start implementing things like this. 

Yeah, I love that. Pajamas and Prosecco was great. Oh, I had my daughter there too. I thought that was super fun. 

I 

Yeah, 

my girls. 

It just worked out for her to go and I think it was a really good experience for her. At 20. Yeah, I remember going to an event like that, I would've been 30 years old.

I went to the greatest women in network marketing. I wasn't even in network marketing, but I went to that event in Vegas and I was like, these women are doing these things. It shifted my mindset, my perspective. So I'm glad she got to go. During the icebreaker though, I turned around and she was gone.

She totally went into fight or flight and didn't dare talk to anyone. And she's I'm not doing that tomorrow. I was like, okay. She got nervous.

I can understand that, especially when you're not in it, like it's a lot. 

Yeah. Okay. So moving on to like day two, which really is like their, just their full day that day two. Yeah. I loved Brittany Noelle. I thought she was amazing. She was, I think the first speaker,

I

mean, Lindsay kicked the thing off and then she was the first official speaker after that. 

Yeah. And for you guys listening for context, Lindsay is the creator of Powerhouse Women. This is her ninth one. It was amazing, 

it was well done. 

Yeah, so I just loved Britney. Some of my takeaways from her is I loved when she said the tribe reflects the heart of the leader. 

Mm. 

I was like, that's so incredible.

If you think about the people that you surround yourself with, it's also a great time to look at the people around yourself and be like, do they match? Do they match who I am? Do they match where I'm.

And also what does that say about me? Am I living into who I say I am or like, what's going on here? 

Yeah, and I wrote down a ton of quotes from her. It was wild, and then I went and stood in line and I bought her book. She signed my book and then I bought her journal. I was really like messed by her. I love just how incredible she was. I wish she had been following her before because she's got like just so like a beautiful message to share.

And the other thing I love that she said is we have to be honest about the part we played in our own self-destruction. 

Oh my gosh. 

What was your favorite takeaway or speaker from that main day?

I don't know who my favorite was. I did love Brittany because she's so calm. I was like, this is such a calm but badass energy that she's bringing here. So I did love her. I'm trying to think I took in so much in general,

 I had a list of content ideas that were falling in as well as things that hit for me. And I love that you brought up the part of being. Like you created your own destruction or however she said it I was like, this is what I believe. And when we embrace that, when we own that, we have power to do something about it.

When we own that, we got ourselves here, we can do something with it. Which is, I always think back to Steve and I like that's the thing I owned was that I stayed in a marriage with a gay man and had a child with him. knew this was a possibility and therefore I have power to do something with it.

I'm not gonna sit here and feel sorry for myself. I did a little bit of that, but then move forward with clarity. So I don't know if I had a favorite. 

Yeah. No, there so many that I loved. I loved that they did a panel. It was Jasmine Starr, Krista Williams, Ray Harder, and Lindsay, and that one was so phenomenal to me. I literally typed some of these quotes in my notes just so we could recap. Okay. So I loved when Jasmine star, she said, my identity, my.

 My identity is in God. I create for those who care and those that don't, I don't care. She was dead set on that. She's I do not care. And I was like, I'm just gonna take a little percentage of that and put it into my own energy field. I don't care if make it, I'm not creating for you.

Thank you next.

Yeah. She said I want people to like me. And I feel that I do want people to like me. And also I don't give a crap if you don't. If I am not your cup of tea. Thank you. Next. We're good. You can move on. And I think that's really important, especially when you are putting things out there on the internet people are just going to be pissed no matter what you say.

It doesn't matter what you say, somebody's gonna be mad about it. One of the other people I really loved. That I'm remembering is Lacey Green. Oh my gosh. The curvy girl trainer. 

She was phenomenal.

like just infectious. Like her laugh, her vibe, her confidence, her energy. I was like, oh my gosh, I love you.

I want more of her in my life. 

Yeah. On day two, on Sunday, they had her come out she's a fitness instructor and they had her do a little 10 minute fitness thing. At first I was like, oh my God, I hate when they do these conferences. Like I don't wanna get up and work out like I'm in a really nice outfit, but when we were running around the tables in circles, I was hysterically laughing and I think everyone in that room was hysterically laughing.

it was so fun. She's just so fun and the fact she was up there doing it in a skirt, I think made us all just oh, I can do this.

I had on a long dress, I had to hold it up and on that silver, that aluminum foil dress. 

Yeah. 

I was holding it up and falling over myself, but my entire table was laughing their asses off. They're like, what is happening?

it was just so fun. I want to encapsulate a little bit of that where I bring so much joy along with the fact we are talking about life changing things and mindsets and opportunities and chasing big dreams this gets to be fun. That was just a solid thing for me to remember.

That is how I run my life and my business. To see people farther ahead who are living that. 

Yes. At one point Lindsay said when I outsource my own intuition to someone else, it takes me off track. And that one hit me big time because how many times have you been suckered into like the program and you're like, oh. And they're like telling you to do these things, and you're like, that's ick.

But they're saying, it's gonna make me a millionaire.

I think this is huge, and this is one of the things I told Matt, my husband, who's also an entrepreneur, I said, I wanna reach out to women putting on these events and say, Hey, I would love to have a pre-event Zoom meeting or training where I help women understand how they can be in tune with their gut so that they can take. What is meant for them from the event and leave the rest. We hear so many ideas that it's I have to do this, to be successful, or I need to do this, or I should do this. All of these things. And when we aren't truly in alignment with our intuition and our gut, we get completely overloaded and do things that are out of alignment that keep us stuck instead of propelling us forward. 

Yeah, 

love that 

and 

Lindsay. 

I feel like that's aligned with what you talk about too, 

oh, a hundred percent. 

That feels like very much you. Okay. So other things that I loved, from day one there was a lot of stuff where I'm like, I'm gonna take action on these things. Let's see, who else was really good on day one?

They had a community panel that I thought was great. I wrote down a lot of notes. One thing that really struck me, was how they were saying Lindsay and Lori were really hyping this up. They're like, when I put out a post, I just message it to some people and I'm like, Hey, will you hype this post up?

Or they just ask and I realize I'm not asking at all. I don't ask people to refer things to other people I have clients I've worked with for years. Why have I never been like, hey. If you know anyone, I would love to work with them too. I just thought that was wild.

When she was saying send that post, I had posted a podcast post that morning and I sent it to a bunch of people and was like, Hey, will you hype this post up? They were like, yeah girl. So I thought that was a good one too. Are you gonna asking for things.

I am getting better. One of my intentions right now is to be better at receiving. So along with that, I'm trying to be better about asking. So like when my dad Venmo me the money the other day, I was like, no, I can't take money from my parents. But also I'm like, no, I am receiving. He has generously just given me this. So I'm getting better at it. Like it's definitely something. I've been trying to be intentional about, and even within my family, I think this is something as if you are in a partnership with anybody. If you have children, we are hesitant so often to ask them for things.

First of all, we think they should just know. like just putting out there Hey, can you please do this? Can you please take this on? I'm getting better at asking. I'm starting in my home and moving out to my extended family. And then friends. Definitely getting better, 

Yeah. 

but it's hard. 

It is so hard. Friday I have, a content photo shoot scheduled with some people and it cannot be moved, but my son needs to go get his cast X-rays. I was just like, oh my God, how am I gonna do this? I was like, I can't do this. I can't. So I had to ask my husband, but for some reason I feel like I'm the one who needs to be flexible,

I was like, I can't, I physically can't.

it's so ingrained in us that we are supposed to be able to do it all. As women, as moms, as entrepreneurs, as whatever we identify with, we are supposed to be doing it all. And I just think it's bull crap I think going through divorce has helped push me into this a bit too as a single mom for a while, I needed somebody to help with my daughter on occasions. And even asking my ex-husband to show up for his daughter, like you're saying with your husband, it's like, why am I not asking them to do this? This is their child too. Asking my husband for those things Hey, will you do this? Can you please do this? And realizing work isn't more important than mine, even if it brings in more money or whatever belief I'm telling myself. 

Yeah, mine is that, it's like one of those where you're supposed to be here from this time to that time, and I do recognize that I have more flexibility, but I was like, I can't reschedule a photographer you know I was like, I can't reschedule this stuff. Yeah.

Okay, 

once in a while. 

Yeah, I'm just flying outta my ass some days. Oh, so Kim Perel, I thought she was really good. I think she had a book too, didn't she? Yeah. Was her book The Millionaire One? Which one? The 10 Mistakes. So she was on day two. 

Yes. 

day two. So I thought day one was amazing. They wrapped it up, towards the end I was done sitting.



O 

gotta go. 

long day. 

Yeah, we ducked out a little early. Don't tell anyone, but we did,

I am messaging Lindsay right now and telling her 

And then me and my daughter, we found a burger place and we went and picked up burgers and we ate like these big fat burgers by the pool. It was so nice. It was amazing.

told Matt, I was like, I am so hungry. I know this is totally ridiculous and it's in my head, but I just feel so hungry. 

No, I get like that. I'm like, I need to freaking eat. 

I ate a 

If I had to make, 

night. 

Yeah, if I had to make a complaint about the event, I didn't love the lunch, 

it was fine. Yeah. It was 

 Yeah. I was like, this is fine. So by dinner time.

what made me feel good about that is because I know they were going for healthy options and options for people who were gluten free and vegan but I think we get in our heads that it has to be healthy and really sometimes we just need something hearty during big event days like this.

And I love that there were so many women that were just like, I need more. 

Yeah.

I was like, okay, I'm not the only one that isn't just, I have to eat healthy 24 7. And it just needed to be a little hardier. 

Yeah, that's where I was at. I was like, I am hungry. The one day I got, yeah, it was the 14 thing. The one day I got the wrap and I was like, this doesn't have any meat in it. It's just like the most lettuce I've ever seen in my life. In a wrap.

Not great. 

Yeah. I didn't love the lunch, but

it was fine,

was great. Made it work. 

So day two, I loved, day two. I'm really, really glad I did the upgrade, 

Me too. 

Because without day two, I think I would've been missing a lot. Day two was great. They did share a lot of tactical advice. Lori Harter was sharing a lot about what's appropriate, what's not appropriate.

The email list, a lot of that stuff was really helpful it's things that I know how to set up and I can do just about anything online, but it was helpful to hear where they're at, instead of these fantasy numbers that get thrown about.

Yes. Lindsay shared. She only has 10,000 people on her email list. I was like, why does that make me so happy? 

Yeah.

feels attainable. It's oh, I'm not that far off of being able to do big things. 

Yeah,

and I'm like, stop comparing numbers, Jess.

Leave them in the past. 

I was working for a large business coach, and it wasn't aligned, but her whole thing was trying to get to a hundred thousand. Then she was getting upset. 

Okay. 

her email list. But then she was getting upset that her open rate was getting so low and all these things

and I'm like, you're really missing the point here. You're missing the point.

My email list is small, but I have a 60% open rate, which feels really good. 

That's a beautiful open, 

awesome. 

That's a sexy open rate.

Thank you. One of the things I loved about what Kim said. Was she was talking about the Marines, like their 70% action rule. As a decision making coach, I was like, hell yes, let's go. Marines will wait until they are 70% confident to take action.

They're not gonna wait until they're a hundred percent confident. that's enough information to take action. And I think we get so stuck on feeling like we have to be a hundred percent sure before we act. And I'm like, bull crap. Like you act when you feel more confident than not, and you move forward. Don't keep taking in all the information. Don't keep waiting for the stars to align. It's never gonna happen. 70% go. 

Yeah, I actually really loved her. My daughter was really excited about her book. She was like taking pictures with it and stuff. My favorite part that stuck out was hiring the wrong person she was like, toxic people come in a lot and we just need to let 'em go.

We need to say go, go, go. And that you keep toxic people around. And I'm like, that's actually derell my business a lot, where I was like, I know that employee's that good. In fact, I know they hate me. I'm scared to message them because they freak out at me, but I've been paying them for six months, 

fail fast. Acknowledge they're not the right fit. My husband calls it redeploying 

Oh.

I'm going to redeploy you into the workforce and give you a new opportunity because this isn't vibing for either of us. Bye-bye. 

See you next. I love that. And then asking for mentors as well. I have a lot of friends who are like, they'll refer to people like I see them as my mentor. And I was like, how do I have in my life? I think I have the thing where I don't really wanna bother people, so I tend to not ask them questions like, how did they do this?

And that's something I'm really working through. 

Love it. 

Yeah, 

We, 

I'm, 

many of us carry this. 

I'm gonna keep working on it. 

You got this. 

Okay. Anyone else that really stood out to you on that last day? Or any big aha.

So one of the things for me on the last day is I was like, okay, where are my blocks at? I am ready for more. I know I am ready for this next transformation. Partially because it's ugly right now, like things are feeling up and down and all over the place. I'm emotional in the good ways, but also whatever. I'm like, what am I missing? What beliefs am I carrying that are holding me back? I identified a couple, but I'm like, these have been here. I am aware of 'em and stepping through 'em. I was searching for this all day. Tell me the thing, what am I missing?

Like waiting for it to drop in. And again, I had a couple things I identified, but it was actually this morning that it like hit for me realizing I am there. I am doing the dang things. I am in the midst of all of this. I have all these podcast interviews lined up for the book launch. I have all the funnels in place.

I have all the emails in place, everything's there. It's just now continuing forward and staying focused, I need to recognize this belief that I need more, I need to be doing more. I'm like, no, that's not how you roll. I don't believe that's the answer for almost anything in life. so I need to sit back and trust this process. I need to trust what has been put in my heart. I need to trust where I am feeling to take action. And then I am a big believer of rest in preserving our energy. Today is going to be like a huge day for me. Tomorrow I will be resting most of the day and doing low energy tasks. For me, recognizing that this is good, I am, doing enough and I need to acknowledge that I have done enough. There's a lot going on and it's great. 

When you were saying that, you're like, where are the blocks for the block? I was like, why do you have to have a block 

Exactly I'm like, no, this doesn't have to be a thing. Like I'm a very self-aware person and I deal with things as it comes to me, I'm like, I'm just trying to create an issue here so that I can overcome it and make that be the thing that that's why it's not working. And I'm like, it is working though.

Maybe I haven't seen. The full fruits of my labors yet, or the financial kickback yet, but it's there. It's on its way. 

I was like, hold on. Jasmine Starr had a quote about this, and I'm pretty sure I put it in here. But it was like, keep showing up even when it doesn't work. When she was talking about her podcast and things like that, she's keep showing up. Keep showing up. I probably wrote it down, but I don't know where it is.

I thought it was so good. I don't ever come home from events like this, like that was so fucking good. But that's how it was.

That's awesome. I'm so happy for you. I've had those feelings sometimes, but that's why I love events. I want to leave an event feeling this way 

yeah.

You and I have talked a little bit about create and cultivate. We're not gonna go into that a ton, but I left there feeling connected to people and also feeling good about what I was doing, but I wasn't fired up or inspired, and I wanna be fired up when I leave an event. I want to have that boost of energy and excitement, and that's what I definitely got from this event. 

Yeah, I loved create and cultivate, feeling good, and I was like, I'll definitely come back. Like I wasn't buying my ticket for the next year. It was just more if it's aligns I'll come, but I did come home. I even felt maybe a little disappointed. I was like I didn't really get, I was hoping to do that or that,

I had a great time though, because, I took Jess, she's on the Samantha Parker team. One of my main content creators. She's an amazing person. I was like, come out to this event she'd never gone to anything like that, and she's an amazing person, but she has four kids and she really just as the girl, making the content behind the scenes she had such a great time and I was really glad that she got to go with me. She's sober as well, so I always enjoy being able to have my sober buddy there. But we had a great time. She's you are crazy.

I was like, we're gonna walk two and a half miles to get coffee and then we're gonna hike the Hollywood sign and then we're gonna go down, and then we're down at like the pier and she's that was insane. But I just wanted her to see you and do all the things. So her and I, such a good time.

And I think it was really good, for the team, for her and I to spend some time together. We podcasted, in our hotel beds, did a full recap of the event. That was so much fun. We got to laugh a ton. I'm still laughing over our Stephan Curry incident.

This guy just keeps walking in our photos and she's do you know who that basketball player is over there? We were trying to get a picture of Aisha Curry and they're like, that's Stephan Curry. I was like, oh my God.

But even people telling me his name, I'm like, the hell is that? I have no idea. 

Oh my. 

My husband was dying. 

Okay, so you're doing it too. I just thought he would be taller.

He was tall. 

He was six two. 



But he was tall. 

yeah, 

I'm four 11, 

I was, 

for me. 

you were very, I had on I'm tall and I had on my big chunky platforms and I was like, I feel like I am several feet taller than you.

You could be out there playing basketball with him. You're in it. 

Absolutely.

heels. Let's go. 

I played basketball in high school, so he wouldn't even know what was coming, 

yeah, you could totally take 'em on. I'll be on the sidelines cheering. 

I love it. Okay. You are just so amazing. You're doing amazing things in the world, and I love that you took something. That was painful, was messy. That's a big, messy thing to go through. And you were like, Hey, I'm gonna turn this into love. That's what it feels like to me, is you turned it into love.

Basically, my goal and intention in life is to take things and turn them into love.

and to be bold about the things that I do so that other people get to see their lives in new ways and understand whatever path they want moving forward. They get to decide that they get to create, that they get to. Dream wild, crazy dreams. And sometimes those dreams are, what does my life look like after something really shitty happens? That's why I always say help 'em through the transitions. 'cause most of the time that's when we're like, oh, I need to know how to make decisions after this thing. But this could be something you learn when you're even not like in the thick of something.

In fact, I love helping women when they're not in the thick of something because then when the big things happen, we get to move forward with more clarity and. Speed. Like we get to go through it faster, which is nice. 

It is. 

Yeah. 

thank you for putting your story out there, and thank you for being a bright light in the world. And thank you for shooting on your shoulds.

Thank you 

or I'll have you linked up in the show notes. Then your book, are we pre-ordering it on Amazon? Where are we getting this book?

it will not be on Amazon, and I'll be putting a post up about why, if anybody is curious 

Okay,

But you can go to shove your shoulds.com and pick up the book. So super 

hold on. I'm opening it right now. Shove your shoulds. I wanna know why are you not going on Amazon? I think it's awesome, but.

I have big feelings about Amazon and about how we. Give away our power to big business in general. My husband's very similar and he's listen, we are small businesses. Go support the business. Even if they're big businesses, go to their website and order from their website because it benefits them.

They own the customer. Now they can send you awesome things later on 

Yeah,

have a new product. All of those things. So a lot goes into it, but it won't be on Amazon or 

Will be an audio book and there is a physical book. 

Yeah. So how do you, this is gonna sound dumb, but just logistically are you gonna just be shipping them out? Like how do you, how does your fulfillment work?

my husband owns a shipping and fulfillment company. 

Mic drop.

He is basically a mini Amazon, and has done that since he was 15 years old. He started working in the business and now he owns the business. And yeah, I have easy way to get those shipped. And he works with a lot of authors and things like that.

He used to ship all of Russell Brunson's stuff and he ships for Darren Hardy and Robert Kiyosaki and all these people.

Russell Brunson, he's in Boise, isn't he? 

he is. 

I'm Brunson.

yeah, he's done, shipping for years, and so he was like, you probably need to be on Amazon. And I'm like, you don't like Amazon? I'm not going on there.



I'm not going on Amazon and being like, I need a book that's gonna help me. I'm just clicking the through link and that's where it's coming from,

I am not that big of a deal for people to be searching up my book without knowing who I am, or being like, oh my gosh, Mel Robbins just dropped a book. Like it's not the same energy, and so this is where it's at and this is what I'm providing and it feels very aligned for me. 

Okay. 

True to who I am. 

I freaking love it. I really like your website. 

You do? 

Oh, I can, my badass level for the book

You can choose. So the presale options. Are like, you can get a bundle for the workbook and the book and the audio. That's the basic bundle. I wanted to call it the basic bitch, but I didn't want anybody to feel bad about being a bitch. I.

like being a basic bitch. But 

I 

and then this, the second level, it's at $67.

That's where I'm like, people go buy into this. You get six weeks of group coaching with me in the decision lab where we unlearn our decision making patterns. In real time. So it's cool because you get the book, the workbook, the audio, and the Decision lab. I'm excited to work with women in the Decision lab.

So it's giving you these options and then you can go all in and get a one-on-one coaching call with me at the next level and come to my book launch as a VIP.

I know. I was like, 

free, but you can be a VIP. 

I want this VIP ticket, and I was like, wait, I can't go.

Samantha, just come to Boise. 

Do my workout. Because I was supposed to go on girls trip that weekend and then I actually, because of my own boundaries and things, as a sober batty, I was like, I cannot go on that trip. They changed locations. And I was like, that's not the trip. Yeah. I was like, that's not the trip for Sam.

That's a drunk shit show. 

Know what feels good. 

Yeah, I was like, Nope, I won't be doing that. So I have it blocked out because then a couple of other friends were like, we'll still go with you where we were gonna go. But now I'm just like, this is a shit show, so I might be available.

Okay, if it works, come see me. I would love to see you. But yeah, that's the pre-sale options. They're more expensive than a normal book because you are getting more with them. I really want to get women into action. More than ever we need women to be clear about what they want and need and what they bring to the world so that we can shift things and create more safety for women.

Really more safety for everybody to be themselves. 

I love that. You're just an amazing ball of light, and thank you for sharing some of it with me today on the Samantha Parker show. We'll have you linked up in the show notes. You guys go buy the book. If you're listening to this, after the book's available, you don't even have to pre-order.

Just go buy it, and it won't even come from Amazon. It's gonna be even better.

It is gonna be better because you'll get a few personalized things with it.

is it stickers? Because if it's stickers, I'm in. 

Do you 

I'm just kidding. I love stickers. I love people's stickers. I think they're so fun.

I have, okay, so stickers, you guys are the only people I've shared this with. The stickers I'm designing to send with the book have me like a caricature of me shing. So I'm squatting, like I'm taking a shit, but it's a should underneath in the shape of a poop emoji. And it's not like really me. But anyway, they make me very 

See, I knew we were supposed to be friends. Okay, so lemme know where we're going. 

on Amazon. 

Yes. Lemme know where we're going after this book. Launch October. Find us an event. Thank you so much for your time and energy today and thanks for being on the Samantha Parker show.

Oh man. Thanks for having me.