Communication for Good Relationships with Lucy Price

EP021

TW: mention of body dysmorphia and eating disorder.

In this episode, I'm talking to Lucy Price, who is a certified yoga instructor, and an empowerment and relationship coach based in Michigan. Her purpose is helping people to feel confident in themselves and to heal heartbreak and relationship patterns or bad relationship patterns, and developing and maintaining healthy relationships. 

We discuss:

• Lucy's story
• Unlearning from our teenage years
• Continuous Improvement
• Loving every version of you
• A TLDR example of Embodiment techniques - Linklater, Suzuki & Alexander
• Communication through physicality
• Mindfulness - Journalling
• #100 Happy Days - Everyday Pleasure
• Self care = Doing something for you
• Boundaries as self care
• The power of communication
• Lucy's work - Healing toxic relationship patterns.
• 3 Top Tips

Connect with Lucy:

Website: About Me — Shift Your Story

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Transcript

Unknown: 0:00

Welcome to the everyday determinator podcast with your host, no Kaffir, founder of the determinator Collective, we want to help you get off that hamster wheel of life and turn you into an everyday the Terminator by sharing stories for Americans who have overcome varying challenges in life and careers and by reviewing and signposting you to helpful resources to start you on the journey to achieving your goals. For more information on the determinator collective, please visit www.un okafor.co.uk Thanks for listening determinator.

Anne Okafor: 0:50

Hello, and welcome to the everyday determinator podcast. In this episode, I'm talking to Lucy price is a certified yoga instructor, and an empowerment and relationship coach based in Michigan. Our purpose is helping people to feel confident in themselves and to heal heartbreak and relationship patterns or bad relationship patterns, and developing and maintaining healthy relationships. Hi, Lucy. It's fabulous to have you with us today.

Lucy Price: 1:17

Hi, thank you so much for having me.

Anne Okafor: 1:19

You're very welcome. I'm looking forward to learning more about you and what you do. So I understand your you've always been into personal development, and now you're helping others to do the same. Yeah. And the start for you. I guess back in teenage years, I think you talk about some anxiety you have, could we maybe just explore where yes, journey started, if that's okay. Yeah, that

Lucy Price: 1:40

sounds brilliant. So I definitely have always been into personal development, self help, all that sort of thing. I still to this day, I have a trouble reading fiction books or reading anything other than self help and development books or books where I learned something to grow in some kind of way, that's actually been a challenge for my partner this year, like challenging me to read something other than self help and self development, which I think is actually good, because I think you can get sucked into it a little bit too much sometimes. But that all started for me back when probably I was around 12 years old. That was the first time I started getting self help books, books about you know, myself, my body, my mindset journaling. And that really took off in the teenage years. So I started reading self help self development books, when I was about 12. And then when I was 16 years old, I started journaling every day. And I really just started that path. And a lot of what initiated me into self help work was I was dealing with a lot of anxiety, I was dealing with a lot of doubt within myself, which I think is really common for everybody in the teenage years. And mine manifested in really chronic anxiety and not being able to sleep being worried all the time, overthinking things, and that later developed into having some body dysmorphia and some eating disorder, things pop up. Then throughout my teenage years, it was just a lot of first learning how to, quote unquote, become better, which is not what self help is about. But that was my mindset at the time. And then later, as I grew into being a young adults that manifested as healing all the things I went a bit sideways on when I was in my teenage years. So that's sort of the initiation of what got me into this world.

Anne Okafor: 3:30

Yeah, no, I mean, that's really interesting. Because you started this real quite a young age, most people maybe don't look at their sort of self help. And yeah, melamin routes to maybe you know, 20s, and things like that. So it's interesting that you've come in at such an early age, and actually, that you recognise that maybe some of those things you did learn early, haven't been too helpful to readjust and realign. And I think as well, you know, maybe some of that has to do with the fact that maybe 12 and teenage years, were learning who we are, yeah, you said you were in a mindset of become better. And that isn't what self help is about. But I think when you're a teenager, you want to fit in, you want to be what everyone else wants, you know, you want to sort of, you know, get some mirror what's happening in society and you know, what's the in thing and the trends at the time. And, you know, if you're looking to get better, I think that generally is a teenager, I get some

Lucy Price: 4:23

very teenage thing. And I remember for me at the time, it was, well, I was just starting puberty right to call a spade a spade, my body was doing very odd things. I was getting acne, my hair wouldn't lay in the way I wanted it to lay and I was very self conscious about myself in my body and also at that time, that's sort of the period where you know, younger people start to learn how to interact with each other and dating and being interested and you know, a lot of your self worth can be derived from where you see yourself in the social pool. And so I did not view myself in you know, this pool of being, quote unquote popular or attractive. And so a lot of the self development work for me was becoming better, ie, becoming beautiful in terms of societal standards becoming the look that, you know, we were meant to have as people becoming desirable in the way of dating and relating to other people. And so that was a really toxic mindset. And I think a lot of people get wrapped up in that, especially when they're young, especially when they're teenagers and just learning to date and intermingle for the first time, or even as young adults in the university years, and it really has a strong impact what society deems as beautiful or acceptable or approved. And I was trying to fit that mould not trying to step into who I was. So the self development at the start of my life was trying to fit the mould. And then the self development was unlearning everything I learned and using the tools to actually become who I really am.

Anne Okafor: 6:01

Yeah. And I think it's interesting, you say, you know, that that sort of teenage Jesus is trying to fit into that mould. And I think we're all guilty. Often, I think we all do, and especially at teenage years, it's not comparison to everything else, you know, I'm not as good as this person, I'm not as beautiful as this person, I need to look like that supermodel on the telly, I'm not as thin or I'm not as you know, as well shaped or, you know, I don't have the same hair colour or, you know, whatever. And we all have those insecurities along the way. And, you know, even after teenage years, we all have something maybe that we were working on where, and, you know, the whole point of self development is that we're still working on things, you know, like, you know, well, we've got sort of No, because we've read the books, you know, you know, yeah, it's a constant thing. And we're always working, I think, as well, the more you learn about yourself, there's always maybe something else that you can work on, again, it's that sort of, I guess, the N word is maybe growth mindset and learning, you know, that we can develop and we can improve. And then once you do that, it's almost like a continuous cycle. Because there's, you learn more about yourself. And when you learn one thing, and then you can work on something else. And I think it's good to have that mindset of that it's about improving yourself for yourself from what you want. And and becoming the best self that you want to be. Rather than, well, I'm doing this because I'm not as good does this person. Yeah,

Lucy Price: 7:25

there's a difference between doing something because you feel like you're not good enough and doing something because you just want to feel good. And you just want to, to feel like you are the best version of yourself that you can be and loving all of the versions of yourself in between, I think that's also a piece of the self development work that tends to get lost is that you can love yourself as you are. Now, while you're still growing, while you're still improving, while you're still shifting some things about yourself or working through things. But self love is not often encapsulated in the self development, because a lot of the time marketers are, you know, pitching to just the pain and pitching to just be better so that you can be this. So I do think that, that in the journey of self development, self love has to be a priority. And doing it for you not to become something other than you

Anne Okafor: 8:20

know, I really love that point. You know, and it is about realising that love yourself as you are today, because that's as much as you know, we're working on things, we're still worthy of that love. And, you know, we still deserve that. And we still deserve to have that in our lives. And start with yourself, you know, like, love yourself and appreciate what you are. I mean, it's easy to get frustrated with ourselves, because we can't do this or that. But actually, there's so many wonderful things that you can do. So yeah, love that and appreciate that. And yeah, work on the things that need working on. But you know, love yourself at every different stages. And I really do, that's a great message to share with people because we do miss that a lot. We're always concentrating on the things that need work. And we're always concentrating on what we can do better how we can be there. And sometimes forget to think about the human the know. And I think, you know, we all do that, you know, we all are looking ahead, looking ahead looking ahead and forget and actually just stop and take a minute, you know, and evaluate where you're at, and be happy with that as well. Because you've come probably from a place of development also. So as much as your work in progress, we all are, to some degree, we've come through things and we you know, so even when you were in your unlearning stage, you know, that's that's a huge piece of development. And, you know, as much as you know, maybe it easy for you to say, I've learned all this stuff, what a waste of time. Now I've got to know I need to be better because I've learned the wrong stuff. Actually, even just recognising that and making some steps towards that is a huge step to sort of, you know, develop yourself but actually to love yourself, love yourself enough to recognise that and to put the effort in Yeah,

Lucy Price: 10:01

absolutely, absolutely. And I think to that, something that really stood out to me in my unlearning, and my self development journey was just the acknowledgment of your brain inherently has a negative bias, like your brain inherently tries to look for the negative because it's trying to protect you. It's trying to keep you safe. It's trying to keep you alive. And so when I even recognise that I was able to give myself some slack, no, because I could go, oh, this is just my brain being my brain again, and it's looking for all the negative things. And then I could like redirect it to look at okay, but wherever I grown, Where have I seen progress? Where am I happy with my life right now. So definitely, in the unlearning stage, I found that I learned a lot, you know, again, because I think something that I'm really grateful for on my journey is, as I never beat myself up for what I learned or didn't learn, it just gave me a different lesson that I didn't expect to come through. And that was one of the lessons that came through of just like, Oh, our brains inherently have this negative bias. If we know that, if we can stay aware of that, then we can also redirect it towards these other things, which has been extremely helpful for me. Yeah,

Anne Okafor: 11:09

that's a brilliant point as well, because we do when our own worst critics, aren't we thinking about the worst things in the world. And like you say, it's a protection mechanism. It is so that people can protect ourselves and to not get into sort of bad situations. And I think what you work with is people getting into poor relationships, and that sort of toxicity that you can get from that sort of thing. And I think the impact of the sorts of traits do lead to those things as well. I just I want to pick up on a few things. We're talking about your sort of transition into the learning period. And you mentioned that you learned, I think, three particular techniques where you sort of learn to communicate with people in a different way. And I think, you know, using your, your voice and your your body, your energies to communicate in different ways. I think you mentioned three techniques. Linklater, Suzuki, and Alexander. So would you mind telling us a little bit more what they are and how they helped you specifically? Just in what you learned?

Lucy Price: 12:09

Yeah, so So those three techniques in particular, I would say are much more embodiment techniques, they're much more how you use your body as an instrument. So for Linklater, for example, Link leaders work a lot of what I got from Linklaters work, it was a body techniques and learning how to open up your breath and how to hold your voice, and how to find the different placements of your voice to convey a message. So to kind of give a very TLDR example of this, when someone is trying to command more power or authority, you will notice they'll go lower in their voice, like they'll just drop down into their belly, they'll drop down into their chest, they'll hold that steadiness, that rock. Whereas if someone's trying to come off as not a threat, or anything like you'll tend to get a customer service voice was like, Hi, how can I help you like, I'm going to be taking care of you today like very much more in the higher register. So one of the ways that you can convey a message is just through where you place your voice. And that can be very much used as a communication technique between people, a Suzuki technique, the way that I learned about Suzuki technique was how your body can hold tension, but how you can still convey message within that tension and within those placements. So if anybody knows boat pose in yoga, basically what we would do in this course, would we would hold Boat Pose, which is really activating in the core and in the thighs. And we would speak text and we would allow the text to come through with a tension in our bodies. And when you think about it, how often have you been in in in a discussion with somebody where tensions are high where your body feels tense, and you're not even able to get your voice out and convey what you mean, because your body is holding so much tension. This practice of Suzuki allows you to hold the tension and still convey the message of your heart and your mind. So if you find that you do get into, you know, boardroom debates a lot, or if you're just in these tension oriented environments, what you can do is you can take some of that embodiment technique that you learned through Suzuki, work through the just using your body as an instrument and learning how to convey your voice and your message and speech even while you're in that place. And then Alexander Technique is actually kind of, I would say, almost the opposite to Suzuki, which is learning how to release all the tension and how to like release all that you're holding in your body and repattern how your body holds itself to view your body as a as an instrument into its kind of optimum potential. So if you Alexandria work, I actually learned how to de code so to speak, all of the tension that I was holding in my body that was habit and that changes How we communicate as well, because we communicate with body language every day. And so if I'm always anxious, if I'm always tense, and I'm squeezing my shoulder blades out, that starts to be linked with my identity as a person, you know, because people can see that and interpret that as Oh, she's 10, she's tense all the time, this means this interaction is probably going to go a little bit more in the tense, anxious department. Whereas through Alexandria work, I was able to just drop my shoulders and slow down and come at conversations from a much more open place in my body. And then from the open place in my body, I had openness in my mind and in my heart, to receive what someone was actually seeing, rather than my interpretation of what they were saying. So those three techniques are very much embodiment techniques. And they they link to to communication, both in how you express your body physically, but also how you can use your voice as an instrument within your body to convey your message

Anne Okafor: 15:58

is almost not letting your physical overtake that because I think we do that, you know, like you said, it does allow you to make that communication and get your message across without it being lost, because people are focusing on the physical, which we do. And you see that, you know, we'd always Oh, he looks like he's upset today. Or she looks like she's upset today. Yeah. Because of the way somebody has. Yeah, yeah. And one thing that sprung to my mind when you were talking about the link layer technique was like the customer service voice. And we all talk about, you know, the telephone voice. Yeah. Because you don't know who's gonna be.

Unknown: 16:33

Oh, yeah. Yes. Hello. And then it's your mother. And you're like, Oh, hi, mom. Yeah,

Anne Okafor: 16:40

you know, not really quite a visual way to think about it. But, you know, really interesting, and something I'll be having a look at, and particularly the Suzuki one, because we do pulled a lot of attention. And, you know, yeah, when we're working, and we don't often realise that I've done some work, not specifically with Alexander, but certainly in that release in the tension kind of thing. And it's been really helpful for me in terms of understanding my own body, but understanding how that affects me, and how I'm feeling. And also, you know, when you're tense up all the time, it can make feel rubbish, that you're tired, more energy, and then naturally, that has an impact on the things that you do and how you communicate as well. You know, we all know when we're tired or more angry or hungry, that we're not the best people, you know, and so, so understanding how you can control these things, and not allow them to distract from the messages that we have, is quite an important thing. And I hope some of our listeners can then maybe look into those and maybe explore what works for them. Because certainly, communication is like, you know, hugely important, certainly that all our men communication is, you know, probably the number one skill that I need to have sort of very, very interesting. You also talked about mindfulness practices, what sort of things do you do for mindfulness? Because obviously, you're you're coaching and you know, you have a busy life as well. What sort of things do you do? And obviously, you mentioned journaling, as well, which I guess is mindfulness practice of sorts. Tell us more about that.

Lucy Price: 18:11

Absolutely. So so some of my mindfulness practices look like journaling. Journaling is one of my main practices, I would say. And sometimes I journal simply what you would consider journaling about your day about what's coming up for you in terms of emotions, and you stressors, that sort of thing. But then I also do specific mindset work within my journal. So if I am struggling with a particular stressor, I'll journal my fears about that stressor, I'll try and flip my thoughts about that stressor, I'll find different perspectives that I can take on and I'll do some repatterning work within my mindset. So for journaling, it's kind of a dual dance between the two of those. And then in terms of other mindfulness practices, I think when I think of mindfulness, I definitely think of how can I drop into the presence of my life and make my present more pleasurable? So for me, it's as easy as taking a breath sometimes of oh, I'm noticing I'm hunched in my body. I'm noticing I'm tight. Can I open myself up? Can I take a deep breath? Can I allow my jaw to soften a little bit more in this moment? And then I always ask myself, How can I activate my senses a little bit more, because I think that drops people into the present more. Like if you've ever gone to a more fancy restaurant, they're really great at crafting the environment to activate the senses. It's like dim lighting, nice smells, soft furniture, beautiful flowers. And so I try and do that in my daily life. You know, pleasurable experience shouldn't just be once a month, they should be as consistent as possible in your daily life. And so I try to incorporate some of that into my life as well. Well, so lighting a candle before a client session or getting myself flowers or, you know, putting on some soft slippers or something like that just something to drop me back into the present moment by activating my senses. And something that gives me a little bit of pleasure, a little bit of like that warm hug sinsational feeling of like, this is just so good. And I'm so grateful to be in my body in this moment. So I would say that's what I primarily do is it's journaling, it's a bit of breath, work, a bit of like just breathing, and then trying to just find 2% more pleasure in every moment throughout my day.

Anne Okafor: 20:37

I really love that. Because I think when we talk about mindfulness and self care, everyone thinks you have to go meditate for half an hour. And people find that quite a challenge and thought especially haven't done it before. I know I did. I've spoke about this a few times. But I think it's really important to say that the mindfulness is doing something for you. And it can be as simple as lighting a candle or buying some flowers for yourself, or anything that makes you feel good in that moment, like you said, it can be as simple as a breath, it can be simple as just take it a moment, I quite often find that we five minute meditation, just sit and just be with myself just allows me space to breathe, you know, and be me, you know, I'm just in that moment and forget everything else from it. And even just a couple of minutes can really make a big difference. And again, I would encourage people to try that or to try some of the other things that you suggested as well, you know, putting on the slippers are certainly a great way to feel more at home. And yeah, you know, especially if you've been out a long day and things like that, it's those little things that when you start to notice them, they are particularly powerful. I did a challenge a few years ago called 100. Happy days. I don't know if you've heard of this

Lucy Price: 21:48

challenge. I heard of this. But I want to hear if this

Anne Okafor: 21:51

reminded me of that. Because your slippers example was one thing that I used one day, because so essentially, the challenge is 100 Happy Days, and you had to every day for 100 days, look for something in your life that made you happy and take a photo of it posted to your social media, and write a little bit about why that thing made you happy. So you could do it as a journal, you know, after necessarily on social media, but I will add the accountability because I was in a bit of a bad place at time. And some days that was really easy, you know, some that I got a promotion, or you went out for lunch with your friend or, you know, something good happened, your favourite TV programme was on or whatever it may be. So it was easy to find something good. Some days, it was really, really difficult. And some days, the best thing that happened to me was taking my shoes off at the end of night, you know, because it was 12 You know, you've been on your feet for 12 hour shifts at that time I worked in hospitality. So it was long, hard shifts that we were working. And some days, the best thing that happened was taking my shoes off. But know that and I never even thought of that as like, a great thing before that. And there's 100 Happy Days, you know, made me look for things in my life, that were the small things that were the small mindfulness practices, like taking my shoes off, and just that sense of, you know, well, being at home. Uncomfortable now, I've got, you know, just the fact that I've actually got shoes, you know, like some of these luxuries, and, you know, looking for those small things, has made me so much more grateful but so much more happier as well. Because I know, it doesn't, I don't need grand gestures to make me feel like things are going well was like before, you know you needed to a good day was when you went out with your friends or did something there had to be an almost a grand gesture involved. Whereas No, taking the shoes off the end of the is great. And I'm happy that you're not I'm happy with small things. Because so much power when people realise that even in, you know, the most rubbish of days, that can be one small little glimmer, and it might just be as simple as taking your shoes off. But actually, that's something to be grateful for and thankful for. And it can MIT you know, if you start looking for these small things, they are there. And the more you start to notice them, the more you start to say well actually, I can see five things today, you know, keep still a rubbish day overall, but I can actually see five things that are impactful for so so thank you for sharing your slipper.

Lucy Price: 24:16

I love slippers. I work from home for the most part. So no one sees what's on the lower half of my body. And so I had this realisation one day, it's like I don't need my feet to be cold. I can put on slippers. And it brought me so much joy in that moment just to be like oh my gosh, I can put my slippers on like what am I doing? Why am I even questioning if I can give myself this thing but I love this 100 Happy days. Don't be surprised if you see that on my Instagram coming up soon. But if it's alright, I had a thought about the you mentioned meditation and how people you know it's not easy for everybody to meditate for 30 minutes a day and absolutely like when I first started meditating it was not easy for me either and something else to just speak to that is, there are a million different mindfulness strategies that you can take, and the one that is going to work best for you is the one that you're actually going to do. And so if that is meditating, great, if that is cooking yourself a meal, great, if that is taking a bath at the end of the day, great. It's whatever you're going to do. And it's whatever you're going to do consistently enough to allow it to compound and give you this greater result that you're looking for. So you don't have to meditate. I think, like, it's beautiful, that meditation became so mainstream. And also that does not have to be your path. You can take a side Creek if you want to. It's all good.

Anne Okafor: 25:38

No, I love that. Yeah, absolutely agree with you there because it isn't, you know, let you say the best thing is the thing that you can do consistently. And that works for you. And we all have different things, you know, some of the guests and I've purposely asked my guests to share what they do, so that our guests can find their recipe for mindfulness, because we all are different, and we will respond to different things. So the reason I'm asking my guests to share their things is because someone else, yeah, their slippers, and flowers might be their thing. And that's fabulous. But maybe they haven't thought about those things as mindfulness, mindfulness things. And, you know, a lot of the time we do think of mindfulness as being a meditation or going to the spa, or, you know, specific things that you know, are mainstream, kind of aligned with that ideas. And actually, you can be mindful in your everyday life using some of the examples you'd said, another thing that I think is really good for us is boundaries, you know, and another's work that you do as well. But like things like saying, No, you know, time management, you know, those sorts of things are also mindfulness in ways because they're helping you to be more present. They're helping you to have a better quality of life, and to actually have time to set aside so that you can take time for yourself. And I think boundaries are really important. I think one thing that always from what you said, was that, you know, if someone doesn't like your boundaries, it's probably because they've benefited from you having from not having them in place. Yeah, you know, and their resistance is because it suits them more than actually helps you. And yeah,

Lucy Price: 27:19

I think that's a big reason why people don't like someone else's boundaries. The other thing that I came to realise, too, is that sometimes your values are different than someone else's values. And that's okay. So someone else might have this mindset about your boundary, because it doesn't align with their values, but it aligns with yours. Like, there's a few reasons why someone might not like your boundaries. But at the end of the day, it's about whether you like your boundaries, and whether it allows you to have the trade off of feeling better and feeling like you're in alignment with the way that you want to be living.

Anne Okafor: 27:54

Yeah, I'm putting boundaries in place is not taking away from someone else. It's giving you what you need. Yeah, and making sure that you do that for yourself. And that goes back to that self love thing about loving yourself and realising that you're worthy enough to put these things in place for yourself. And it's not a detraction, on what other people want from it is allowing yourself to have what you need. Yeah, put your own life jacket on kind of first, you know, is this or like the internet at the moment,

Lucy Price: 28:26

my partner said something the other day, that was absolutely brilliant. So I'll give a little backstory. But I'm friends, we're having a party and I and I wanted to go with a theme. And I very much wanted to like, dress up in the theme. And I wanted him to dress up with me. And he had had a long day. And he had basically said to me, I don't want to dress up in that way I want to wear what I'm going to wear. And this is not a rejection of what you want. This is just me doing what I need right now. And to me that like beautifully encapsulates a boundary, you know, and it came through a very silly interaction him and I were having, but it was just so potent that I had to be like, Hold on, I need to write that down. Because that is, that is a gold sentiment, my love. But that's really what boundaries are about. It's not rejecting necessarily other people's, you know, desires. It's just about accepting and respecting what you need and what you want. And I think that that lens of boundary setting is is beautiful and potent. And I think that could help a lot of people out on both sides. Whether you know, they feel rejected because someone said a boundary and also if they're fearing rejecting other people, it's like no boundaries are set up, to support you. And to actually allow channels of connection between you and another person that feel really clean and feel really like comfortable and connected.

Anne Okafor: 29:53

And I think that's, you know, that goes back to the point we're talking about in the initial part about communication, you know, boundaries is, will be less of a problem if you can communicate them. And you know, your partner communicated very clearly to you that this wasn't a rejection of what you needed. It was more just given himself what he needed. And you can then understand that and told him, that's what you need. And, you know, because we do people pleasers, you know, we like to not let people down. So we tend to stretch ourselves, and maybe not put boundaries in place for fear of people feeling rejected and feeling upset with us. But actually, if you communicate that it's not a rejection of them, it's not an taken away from them. It's just what you need, you know, to operate, and to do what you need to do on a day to day basis, you know, because we all have different things as well pulling on us for time and for energy. And it's important that we set that so that it works for us, at the end of the day, want to be bent out of shape, trying to please everyone around you, you know, the way that you do that is to make sure that you have boundaries that help you to do that healthily and safely, as well. And I think a lot of this obviously goes to the work that you do in terms of confidence, and relationships, because all these things have impact on our relationships. If we don't communicate well, if we don't have boundaries, if we're struggling with the confidence kind of topics, they impact the relationships, for ourselves and for the other person, and then it can become toxic. Is that something you would agree with as well?

Lucy Price: 31:27

Yeah, I think that that when we don't communicate our needs, or desires are stressors with another person, they are left to interpret what we are thinking and feeling and making assumptions about what other people are thinking and feeling is like the quickest sandpit to get yourself trapped in. And so I think, definitely, I think like learning how to communicate what you're thinking and what you're feeling, in a way that's clear and compassionate and direct. And then also on the flip side, part of communication is being able to listen and being able to, to receive without adding on, you know, your own feelings and your own emotions and stretching it in and distorting it in a different way. So I think that one of the best things that anybody can learn to do is learn how to communicate, because it does affect all areas of your life, it affects your love life, it affects your friendships, your family, it affects your work, you know, how much money has been wasted? Because people miscommunicated at work before how many arguments have happened, how many breakups happen, because there was just one thing that got miscommunicated, like the divorce rate is still over 50%. And I'm sure a lot of that has to do with just lacks in communication. So it is so, so important, being able to communicate,

Anne Okafor: 32:48

no, I absolutely agree with you. And it's something that, like I say, my work is absolutely, I'm working in construction. So we're talking with lots of lots of different people. And it is the biggest cause of anything that goes wrong, it can be traced back to a small miscommunication. That has then escalated usually, because it's a mess. And it's not until it's a big issue that it you know, it becomes huge. And so you're past the point in retirement, but it hadn't been communicated differently, we could have probably avoided it. So definitely one for people to have a think about. And we think about how they can improve the communication in different ways as well. It's not just the necessarily, you know, the written communication is that the vocal is energy with your body, as well, because like you say, if we don't communicate, well, we're left up to interpretation, we obviously then add an extra layer if we're starting the middle 10 stuff as well. And then the interpretation is absolutely going to be negative, negative. Yeah, absolutely reinforce your voice with your positioning and your body language and things, then obviously, even if your messages maybe not quite there vocally, then people will maybe understand that your intentions were, you know, softer. And it doesn't have that same harsh, negative impact for us, you know, maybe allow us to open a conversation more to understand the other person's point of view. Rather than get into an argument we can come to solutions and, you know, make things better for everybody because nobody wants to be arguing all the time. Nobody wants to pay, you know, we don't set out to do these things. Absolutely.

Lucy Price: 34:27

And I think too, like, just to kind of recap everything that you said it's just we we communicate mostly through body language. Like if there's one thing I can get through, it's probably that it's probably that we communicate mostly through body language and energy because if you even just look at the evolution of how humans learn to communicate, humans learn to communicate first through body language and through gestures and movements and posture and energy like you could feel the energy you feel the energy today if there was an argument that happened two seconds before you walked in the door, you're gonna walk in the door, and you're gonna feel bad. So it's like very much, don't ever discount the physical, the physicality of communication, because that's how humans learn to communicate first. And that is the biggest thing. And then we learn vocalisation, you know, then our voice box, you know, dropped and changing was created, and we learned how to speak. And then we learned how to draw and write. And so it's kind of like when you think of that evolution of communication, that is still very much how we communicate today, it's like, it's always better in person. And if you can't do in person, then you do voice. And if you can't do voice, then you do email, like something that I'm kind of thinking about and setting is, in our world today, we've gone now the opposite, like we're prioritising text messages and emails, and then it's like, oh, we have to hop on a call. And then it's like, Oh, if we have to go in person, then we'll go in person. But really, it's, that is the primary way that clear communication happens in person through body language through vocalisation, through direct communication with clear intention, written and compassion, like that's the, in my opinion, the best way to communicate, because that's how we evolutionary wise, developed communication. So absolutely, yeah, just for anybody listening, like always keep that in mind. It's like, text message is kind of inherently one of the most holes that you can slip through forms of communication. So it's like, especially learn how to communicate through the written language almost,

Anne Okafor: 36:34

you know, I'm so you make a great point, you know, we certainly very much, especially in the workplace, rely on emails a lot and, and quite a lot of the miscommunications I was talking about can be the cause someone's misread the tone of an email, or them picked up the word or even missed the email, you know, it can be you know, a patient has to be a two way street. You know, you can say, Oh, well, I sent that, but if someone didn't receive it, have you really communicated your message, you know, be like standing in a room talking to the wall, because you've not committed? You've certainly email but have you communicated that? And do they know what your expectations are, you can send an email and say, you know, X, Y, and Zed, but have you actually communicated what you expect from that person? Right. And like you say, sometimes it's better to do that in a phone call, you send your list of things I needed to do, this is the expectation that you do them, I usually respond to you and sometimes it is better to speak to people or be in the room. And you know, we all probably without realising it consciously make those decisions on a day to day basis in the workplace, probably our home as well as our an extent. So that was really useful and certainly gives us something to think about. And like just to share a little bit about the services you do quickly, just before we wrap up, just Yeah. And understand how, how you help with these sorts of things in your work.

Lucy Price: 37:54

Absolutely. So So my work in a nutshell is I help people heal or toxic relationship patterns and pain so that they can create the relationships and have the love that they desire in their life. So it's a lot of mindset, emotional intelligence, and embodiment work a lot of on patterning, what is no longer serving you and implementing what will serve you in your relationships and also in your own self love Journey. So just in a little nutshell, that is that is my work.

Anne Okafor: 38:24

Awesome. What would be your three top tips, Lucy, for someone looking to start on that journey?

Unknown: 38:31

Yeah,

Lucy Price: 38:31

so my biggest top tip is look at your life, look at your relationships, and ask yourself, what is bringing you joy, what is giving you energy, and what is not bringing you joy and taking away energy that will give you a very clear picture of what to either put more time and attention into and what to let go of or re delegate to other things to other people, whatever that process looks like for you. But that is probably one of the biggest things that changed my life is when I was able to say, Oh, I keep hanging out with this person who really detracts from my energy. Why am I doing that? And then allow me to introspect. Oh well, I'm trying to get love out of this. I'm trying to get acceptance out of this. I feel like I need to, and people pleasing whatever it happens to be. But then I was able to make different choices from that place, I was able to redirect my intentions, my patterns, my behaviour. So that'd be the first thing look at what's bringing you joy, expanding your energy. Look, is that what is detracting from your joy and from your energy? The second thing I would introduce to people is just really look at your mindset. Really look at the lens in which you are viewing the world. Look at your belief system, and ask yourself the beliefs that keep popping up. Is it actually helping you is it actually serving you isn't making your life better. So for you know, going back to teenage Lucy, I had a very strong belief that I was not beautiful that I was not intelligent that I was not to sum it up worthy of love and affection and so that I was fighting so much for love and affection from that place. But I still had the belief system that I was not. So no matter what I did, because I had the belief system of I am not worthy. That is just what every result ended up being. Because I wasn't changing my belief system, I wasn't changing the mindset. So my second piece of advice for people is really ask yourself, what is your belief system? What are you thinking on a day to day basis? And is that serving you. And then last, but not least, I would invite people to look at their emotions, look at the feelings that are consistently coming up for them. And ask yourself is this emotion a pattern is this emotion, something that I'm even allowing to be expressed so that it can be moved through. So often, we shut down our emotions, because we're afraid to feel all of us are like, I think the bulk of society is just humming below the surface of our emotions, because our emotions aren't either acceptable to society, or we don't feel like we can express them. And so my deep invitation for people is allow your emotions to come through to the surface, because your emotions are going to give you information about yourself, about your life, about your desires. And when you can allow the emotion to come up and move through the energy, that's when the emotions get to be released from your body, and you start to feel lighter, happier, more expansive, more open. So look at what brings you joy, and what doesn't look at your mindset and your belief system, and then acknowledge what emotions are present and allow them to flow through you.

Anne Okafor: 41:46

Awesome, I think it's really important, you know, certainly the emotions we sometimes allow them to sort of overtake and we don't maybe understand what actually is the driver for them? Why are they appealing. And and if you're looking at the belief system, as well. And looking at those two together, you can understand what your emotions are your response to that, you know, potentially negative belief system, if you've got a belief system that doesn't allow you to think in a positive way, you're always going to be maybe feeling sad or angry about stuff. Because no matter what you do, like you say, as much as into, I'm going to try and make this better. If you don't believe that you're worthy of it, nothing you do is going to make that change. So it's having a look at that understanding what emotional response you have to that. And then then you can address those and address them together. If you're looking at the belief system and understand it's negative, and it's causing the negative emotions up here, like you say, in a patterned way, then you can understand that you don't want these things, how do you and that's what's attached. And then you can actually do some work around it. So thank you very much for sharing that. You've gave some brilliant insights today. And I'm sure our listeners will find lots of value in there and lots of things to think about, where can they find you on the internet or on your social media handles, if they would like to come and follow and find out more about what you do and get more of these fabulous insights?

Lucy Price: 43:08

Absolutely. So I'm most active over on my Instagram channels. So my Instagram is at Lucy dot N as in Mikayla, dot price, and you can come and give me a follow I have a lot of you know, juicy, free content on there for you to enjoy. So I hope you head on over there. And then you can also find me on my website, shift your story dotnet. Or you can join my free Facebook group, the heartful collective

Anne Okafor: 43:34

isn't well, we will drop those links into the show notes. So if anyone wants to connect with Lucy or follow these pages, you can find the links directly in the show notes to make it easier for you to do so. Thank you so much, Lucy. It's been a pleasure, an absolute pleasure talking to you. I've learned some things as well. And, you know, certainly I'm sure our listeners will as well. So thank you so much for having me. You're very welcome. So listeners, whether you're bouncing back from a challenge or storming forward to the next one, the determinator Collective is here for you. Stay remarkable the terminators.

Unknown: 44:10

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe so you don't miss when new episodes are posted. He will continue to deliver real life insights on overcoming challenges, practical tips and advice on becoming unstuck with a collective of people just like you are everyday the Terminator. Until next time, take care of yourselves, your friends. Thanks for listening