Unlock the hidden world of pastors' wives and their vital role in the church community as we celebrate their dedication during Pastors Wives Month. Cindy and Charlotte from Energize Ministries join us to share heartfelt stories and the raw truth about the lives of these incredible women. We peel back the layers of expectation and sacrifice that come with being married to a church leader, examining the biblical foundation of honoring these women and how the community can truly uphold them. Our conversation reveals the complexities of balancing personal careers with church duties and the need for grace and understanding for pastors' families.
Feel the heartbeat of the church as we delve into the crucial issues of pastoral burnout and the rejuvenating power of sabbaticals. With thousands of pastors stepping away from the pulpit each year, we confront the stark reality of mental exhaustion and the impact it has on both clergy and their spouses. Cindy and Charlotte illuminate the philosophy of Energize Ministries, emphasizing that the well-being of church leaders is intrinsically linked to the health of their congregations. Listen to stories of resilience, the power of encouragement, and the transformative effect of supporting pastors' wives and families on the broader faith community.
Unlock the hidden world of pastors' wives and their vital role in the church community as we celebrate their dedication during Pastors Wives Month. Cindy and Charlotte from Energize Ministries join us to share heartfelt stories and the raw truth about the lives of these incredible women. We peel back the layers of expectation and sacrifice that come with being married to a church leader, examining the biblical foundation of honoring these women and how the community can truly uphold them. Our conversation reveals the complexities of balancing personal careers with church duties and the need for grace and understanding for pastors' families.
Feel the heartbeat of the church as we delve into the crucial issues of pastoral burnout and the rejuvenating power of sabbaticals. With thousands of pastors stepping away from the pulpit each year, we confront the stark reality of mental exhaustion and the impact it has on both clergy and their spouses. Cindy and Charlotte illuminate the philosophy of Energize Ministries, emphasizing that the well-being of church leaders is intrinsically linked to the health of their congregations. Listen to stories of resilience, the power of encouragement, and the transformative effect of supporting pastors' wives and families on the broader faith community.
0:00:00 - Melody
Hi, I'm Melody and I'm Candi, and you're listening to Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises. We always love it when we have special guests in our studio along with us, and we have just that this morning from Energize Ministries, Cindy and Charlotte. And they're here for a special reason today, because March, from what I understand, is Pastors Wives Month. Is that correct? That's correct, and I've always said this, Cindy, the hardest job in the world is being a pastor. The second is being his wife.
0:00:34 - Cindy
That is so true, and I feel like sometimes they get a little bit put to the side so to speak, and I just want to say that honoring our pastors and pastors' wives is actually very biblical. In First Thessalonians it tells us to honor those who are our leaders in the Lord's work, for they work hard among you and give you spiritual guidance, and that's just so important and it's okay to have that time where we recognize them. A lot of them don't want the recognition and that, rather, they not have it, but we all need encouragement and that's really important.
0:01:05 - Melody
Let's talk a little bit about we've already touched on this a little bit, but some of the expectations about pastors' wives.
0:01:13 - Cindy
Sure, A lot of times churches have expectations and I do think they're doing better. Like you said, Melody, they're doing better at that. A lot of pastors' wives have jobs now so they're not just at home able to do everything that the church needs, and if volunteers don't come up, they always feel that pressure to. I have to do it then if nobody else is going to volunteer. And I think it's really important that we realize that our pastor and his family, they're human. They're not perfect. They are going to make mistakes and we need to be able, as a church, to give them grace and to not expect their children to be perfect. Let their children be children and give them that opportunity to grow and make their mistakes and learn from them and learn you know about forgiveness and learn about how the church is able to show forgiveness and grace to each other as believers.
0:02:02 - Melody
And you have such a great quote that you were mentioning to me while ago and I think it's so true.
0:02:07 - Cindy
Yes, this is from actually a pastor's wife and she said I carry so many jobs in the church and it keeps popping into my head that I don't feel seen. And yet I know I'm always watched. And she said that doesn't make sense to her. But yet you know it's true. They do so much behind the scenes that people might not ever acknowledge and they might be there before the doors even open doing those things to decorate the church or get ready or clean the church or whatever it is, but yet they feel like they're in that glass house and everybody's watching them and judging them. So I think now that we have more of a grace mentality in the church, I think that needs to be extended to the pastor's family, as well, you know, if we always treat others the way we want to be treated, I think that's biblical.
0:02:53 - Melody
You know, if you look at the situation and go, if that were me and if I were the pastor's wife, how would I want others to treat me? And then if you do that to your pastor's wife, it's a win-win. I do know, as pastor's wives there are expectations, I guess you would say to be a certain way. Can we talk a little bit about that, Charlotte? You want to weigh in on that?
0:03:14 - Charlotte
Yes, I'd love to. I think with pastor's wives, lots of times we put real high expectations on ourselves. Sometimes when pastor's wives come to a different church, the congregation expects them to do things maybe the other pastor's wives did before, and it's very hard. And sometimes I call our pastor's wives their unsung heroes, because they do so much behind the scenes that they aren't recognized for. And, like Sandy said, sometimes they don't recognize, but they want to be appreciated and valued and that's what we do at Energized Ministries. We like to encourage them all year round and we have different events in which we do that. One event we have every other month is called Coffee Connections and it's just for pastors' wives and it's where pastors' wives get together. We provide a safe environment where they feel loved and appreciated and that way they can talk to other like-minded pastors' wives and just love on each other and encourage each other, and we do that every month. So we would love to have any pastors' wives they would like to come. Please come, we would love to have you.
0:04:18 - Melody
I think it's always good to have that support group of other people, no matter what you do to understand, and who can understand being a pastor's wife better than other pastor's wives and are both of you pastors' wives.
0:04:30 - Cindy
I was a pastor's wife for 40 years and also grew up as a pk, a pastor's kid, in a pastor's home.
0:04:36 - Melody
So you've had all of the perspective and you show it.
0:04:40 - Charlotte
I am not a pastor's wife, but I love to encourage women. That is just passion. My husband is actually doing evangelism now, so I could say that I am starting to be a pastor's wife.
0:04:51 - Melody
I started to say, yes, you are, you're a pastor's wife and in a different kind of way maybe than just the local church, but definitely you are a pastor's wife. I do love that they can have that kind of connection along with other pastor's wives talking and working through things. And how do you handle this? And what if this happens? And my heart goes out to pastors' wives, because I feel like, like you said, charlotte, a lot of times they're compared to maybe a previous pastor's wife. The kids are expected to be perfect. Yes, I cannot believe that that is our pastor's children running through the halls, you know, or whatever. And again, the expectations are set very high for pastors' wives. I was going to tell a personal experience.
0:05:31 - Cindy
When my husband took over for a pastor that was retiring and had been there a long time, his life came to me the day that her husband retired and handed me a whole stack of files and said, all right, well, here's all your new jobs that you have to do. And it was like it didn't matter if that was my gifting or you know, we were in different seasons of life and I had a ton of small children, and so sometimes the church just expects the pastor's wife to do what the last one did. And the other thing I wanted to say is sometimes pastors' wives put those expectations on themselves too. You know they think, you know they have this idea of what the typical pastor's wife needs to be, and they might always be comparing themselves to that level and that might not be what God has planned for them.
0:06:15 - Melody
Right, because we expect them to sing in the choir, teach Sunday school, play the piano, play the piano while singing in the choir. And teaching children's ministry yes, just yes, it does so many things that are expected of them. I do think we've made a little headway in past years. I think so, too, from what that used to be. You think of the hats and the white gloves and the pastor's wife just always being so perfect.
And I think, as time has evolved and we are, I think, living and I think social media may have done a lot of this we live in a very transparent society now or it's not always real, but it is more transparent than it used to be. So I think that pastor's wives are beginning to say hey, you know, I can only do so much, I know. In the case of my daughter she is an almost two-year-old now she is a school teacher, right. So when you are that in church, they expect you to teach all the children, you know. So she does do a few things, but she has really learned to say no, and I think that is vital, because you can't do everything and do it well, right? So do what God has called you to do, even if it's one thing, or even if you're in a season where you can't do anything, that is okay.
0:07:24 - Cindy
You know, because even in those seasons where they might have small children and they might be homeschooling and don't have those times, she is still her husband's help me. She's his biggest fan. She's there to support him and that's what God created her to do. Yeah, and her role is to be his cheerleader and to be his prayer warrior and to be his support system. So she's still doing her job as a pastor's wife by doing those things.
0:07:46 - Melody
And I think too. I know that I've heard her say I hope I don't ever hear anybody talk bad about him, because you know, a lot of times that can happen. Something can be said, and knowing my daughter, I don't think that would end well for anyone.
0:08:02 - Cindy
Well, or even about our children. Yes, I was on this blog with some other pastors’ wives and they were sharing how do you handle it when the church members are trying to correct your children when you're standing right there? Yeah, you know, then the mama bear kind of comes out, the mama bear comes out absolutely.
0:08:18 - Melody
So how can we encourage our pastors' wives? Charlotte, I ask you this what are some ways that we can show love and encouragement to our pastors' wives?
0:08:29 - Charlotte
Well, I think, each and every day, that can do things to really make our pastors' wives feel appreciated and values. There's some things I'd like to send out to you that you could do. Maybe you can send your pastor's wife a card, maybe you could take her out to lunch. Just a simple thing to say thank you, we appreciate you goes a long ways because she does have a hard job with her family, raising her family and supporting her husband. So let's, this month and every month, give our pastors' wives the love she needs.
0:08:58 - Melody
You know, I know that, being in ministry like I was, I was on staff for 36 years and it didn't take a lot to be encouraged. You know, it's just that somebody did something. They took the time to put a note on my desk or, after church, hand me a gift card to a restaurant and say you know you and your husband go out to lunch today after church. Just in the normal everyday life that we live within our church families, it is very simple and easy to just acknowledge your pastor's wife.
0:09:31 - Cindy
Sometimes we are so easy to criticize and it doesn't cost us anything to be an encourager and to lift them up and positive. And if you are one who is like, the first thing you think about, oh, that music is too loud today, or it's too cold in this sanctuary, or you know why doesn't the cleaner do better? You know, let's just change our mentality a little bit and be one to try to find the positive and try to look for the good, Because it's there. If we'll take the time to do that and don't let Satan steal the joy by only seeing the negative, that's there.
0:10:01 - Melody
Churches would be transformed if we all had that attitude just looking for the positive and realizing that I think for the most part everybody's doing their best. And for those pastor's wives that are young moms like I can tell you right now she's tired. And then having to go home, reorganize everything and then go back to church on Wednesday nights and then back home, you know it's just a lot. So you don't even have to spend a penny to go to your pastor's wife, especially those that have young children, and just say to them I want you to know that you are doing a great job and we are so thankful that you are our pastor's wife. God has blessed us with you. We love you and we just want you to know you are really knocking it out of the park.
So as you go throughout the week and you're thinking about your pastor's wife, ask God to help you to know what to do for your pastor's wife. Is it just an encouraging word which goes a long way? Would it be to share a small gift? Would it be to write a note? But the important thing is to do something to show your love and your appreciation to your pastor's wife. Cindy, talk to us a little bit about how important it is for pastors to protect their family time.
0:11:16 - Cindy
Spiritual burdens that pastors carry and their families. They're under spiritual attack and it's really important that you know, in the day of cell phones, he's never away from somebody who needs him and to be able to give them, first of all, protective family time. And then someone else I just recently read pastor just was describing to the wife of what it's like to be a pastor. He said it's like carrying a refrigerator around on your shoulders every day and the weight of knowing that you're responsible for the spiritual well-being of your whole congregation. That weight just never leaves you. And so they're dealing with people on the worst days of their lives. Sometimes you know when they've lost tragically lost people and stuff like that. So they go through compassion fatigue and all of that. So it's really important for these times to get away. But it's also really important to give them uninterrupted family time so they get a break from the burdens that they're constantly.
0:12:08 - Melody
Carrying, I think, so many times. My pastor recently came in to Joy FM and we did a podcast and we did a long series of breaks on sabbaticals for pastors and that is one of the things that we talked about. That family time is so important, and I remember telling my daughter and my son in law there's going to be a time where you're going to have to choose between going to your little boys first t-ball game or Betty Loo’s toe surgery. And I said you are going to choose your son's first t-ball game because you have others in the church deacons and elders. That is why they are there to assist you, to walk alongside you, and you are going to have to because it is very easy for pastors to get caught in that church family and I tell you a lot of times who do they want? They want the pastor. Well, he is only one person, and so I so agree, Cindy, with what you just said.
You have to protect that family time, and those are memories and things that these families will never get back. Now there are times where pastors have to. There are very urgent, extreme situations where they may have to leave a family situation to go. I remember the first Christmas. My daughter and my son in law were married in the very first Christmas they had. He was at the hospital with a church member whose wife was passing away on Christmas day their very first Christmas. He had to do that Understand. He understood, she understood. But I think you have to weigh and balance that family time.
0:13:42 - Cindy
And not only that, you know. Sometimes it's like, well, you know, that's my job and so they could be, especially when it's spiritually related. Yes, well, you know, that's what God expects me to do, that's what I'm supposed to do. And they sometimes, wise, feel jealous of the church. Yes, because, yes, you know that the church is her husband's mistress, because that's where he spends all of his time. And the church comes first when there's a need. What if I need him? You know I don't have him. Yes, you know.
0:14:07 - Charlotte
So those are hard and then you're exactly right, sandy and I had one pastor's wife when I was mentoring her and talking with her. She did have that kind of resentment towards the church for taking away her husband and she said some days she would just like to take his phone and just throw it in the woods.
0:14:23 - Cindy
According to a study, four to five thousand pastors quit each year. They don't quit because they have lack of faith in God. They don't quit because they don't believe in the calling God is placed on their lives. Most don't quit because of financial reasons. They quit because they're overwhelmed and mentally exhausted.
Yes and so another reason sabbaticals are so important, but that makes the pastor's wife's job even hard, because she's the one who has to come home and rally him and say listen, honey, you can still do it, and you know. And then she gets discouraged.
0:14:51 - Charlotte
They both need that time apart and the time away, and we believe at energized ministries, that healthy ministers equals healthy churches, so that is what we're here for to encourage.
0:15:02 - Melody
Yes, and you're doing a beautiful job of it, and I'm just so appreciative of both of you for taking your time to come in and talk about something so very, very important. Thank you.
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0:15:29 - Announcer 2
Try Peas and Carrots Podcast for more encouragement. Brian and Kayla share life from their piece of the vegetable patch. Expect to laugh, find common ground, and hear stories you can't wait to share. It's a podcast about doing life together, growing in Christ together, and learning to laugh no matter what comes your way. Search Peas and Carrots Podcast wherever you listen to podcasts today.