When the Church Hurts You: Grace, Humility, and Healing

Ever said, “the church hurt me”? In this powerful conversation, Melody and Parker Webb unpack what “church hurt” really means and why it often comes down to a few people, not the entire body of Christ. With honesty, humor, and vulnerability, they share stories of wounds, grace, and the hard but healing work of humility — reminding us not to let what people did to us keep us from what Jesus did for us.

Transcript

Introducing Church Hurt for Pastors

Speaker 1 0:00

On this episode of Quirks , Bumps and Bruises , it's Melody , along with Parker Webb , and we're going to talk about church hurt , not necessarily for a church member , but for the pastor and or his family .

Speaker 2 0:13

And I want to start , Parker , by having you listen to this One thing that I think people sometimes don't realize pastors get hurt by churches a lot . You should see my inbox and the counselor I was at . He had something that was going on . I said , man , like I'm just frustrated with the church . And I said it like man , the church has really hurt me . And he was a really wise man and he said hey , josh , write down on that sheet of paper the people who hurt you . And I wrote down six names and when I was done , I held it up and he said hey , man , I just want you to know something . There's only six names on that sheet of paper , but there's over a thousand people in your church . The church didn't hurt you . Six people in your church hurt you .

People Hurt Us, Not Churches

Speaker 1 0:59

He said to me Josh don't let what a few people in the church did to you keep you from what Jesus did for you . So , parker , you and I both have been in ministry positions for long periods of time and , yes , I have said it too , that the church has hurt me . That's right , but isn't that true ? The church doesn't hurt us .

Speaker 3 1:11

People hurt us . That's right . That's right Because here's the deal . Those experiences are mountains , they're big .

Speaker 3 1:18

Anytime we have interaction with an individual it's personal good and bad but when you look at the whole God's church as a whole , they are people . They are people and people are going to be people . And even saved people still have a sin nature and they're going to hurt . But overarchingly , there's no place I'd rather be than with God's people . If I'm going to be with people , I want to be with God's people . Because with people I want to be with God's people Because there is an element there of when we do get together . We have God's Word that we can go to . We have Matthew that speaks about conflict and hurt and how to handle that properly as a church . So I would much rather be with God's people than with non-believers going through conflict . You're always going to have it as long as you have people . There

Parker's Personal Coaster Conflict

Speaker 3 2:02

are times , in fact .

Speaker 3 2:02

The other day I hurt Melody and the boys by something I said . I was frustrated , I could not find the coaster to put my coffee on sitting on my dresser , and I made the comment and it's always there . And it wasn't there . Always there , that is my domain . That's what I said to them my dresser and my side table , y'all can have the run of the house , just don't mess with my coaster , so I can put my . I showed anger to them and so after they left , they all were so sweet . They were looking around trying to help me find my coaster . I looked as they walked out the door and I had remembered the day before the condensation from the day before from my drink had picked up the coaster and it rolled off behind my dresser 100% my fault . So I was so overwhelmed with conviction I called him . I said Melody , put me on speaker . I want everybody in the car to hear I am so sorry what I did .

Speaker 3 3:02

I A that was way over the top to fuss about a coaster . When I could have gotten a paper towel to lay down or something , I should not have taken that out on them . Top to fuss about a coaster . When I could have gotten a paper towel to lay down or something , I should not have taken that out on them . So I think as a church , if we can approach life like that , that wait a minute . I have been on the hurting side . I've been the one that has hurt somebody before . Maybe I need to show a little grace for that person that hurt me and turn that back around .

Speaker 1 3:23

And I think sometimes it's kind of like sending the text that you don't mean at all the way the person took it . Sometimes we can say things and we don't mean it at all , like the person took it , but they did get defensive about it and hurt by it . I've done that to others , not trying to do that , it just did . That's right , and so when that does happen , the best thing is to do what you did is to admit it , apologize for it and that was that I don't do that all the time .

Speaker 3 3:50

My pride , my human , selfish pride , does not allow me to do that like I should . But that was just a moment for me where I thought you know , if I want them to show me grace for not meeting the mark sometime , or even something I didn't do , they're going to have to see from me . So , even as a pastor , I've apologized more in the last five years of being a worship pastor than I have in my entire life , because I know , if I don't , well then what are the sheep going to do ? Are the sheep going to turn around ? No , they'll emulate their leader .

Speaker 1 4:18

Leading by example ? Yes

Leading by Example in Apology

Speaker 1 4:20

, leading by example , and what a wonderful example you showed your children .

Speaker 3 4:23

Well , I hope so , I hope so and I hope it convicts me even more and hopefully the Lord will bring that moment to my mind the next time my testosterone builds and frustration builds , where the Lord can say , oh , don't hurt your testimony that you tried to fix back here by getting angry again . So , hopefully it'll snowball into a great routine as interaction and then carry on to the church Right . Family first , how you treat your family . Sometimes we treat our church people better than or worse .

Speaker 1 4:54

We tend to treat the ones we love the most and the worst .

Speaker 3 4:58

That's the way to put it . Yeah yeah , yeah yeah , because it's safe . But our churches are , they're our family , so we need to be giving them more grace than anybody else , because we are in the family of God

Extending Grace Within God's Family

Speaker 3 5:10

.

Speaker 1 5:10

So pastors get hurt at times , church members get hurt at times we all have dealt with that where we have either been hurt or hurt someone else , and I can't think of a better example leading , like we just said with Parker than to show that grace . But we want .

Speaker 3 5:27

That's right .

Speaker 1 5:27

We want to have that same grace shown to us , and so we show it to others .