Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises
Take a trip with the Morning JoyRide®️ as Melody discusses the humorous side of real issues facing families today.
Quirks, Bumps, and Bruises
The Hidden Struggles of Church Leaders
The sacred calling to ministry comes with a paradox few outside the role understand: those who lead others in worship rarely get to experience it themselves. This powerful conversation between Melody and Parker Webb peels back the curtain on the hidden struggles of pastoral life, revealing the emotional toll of always being "on stage" instead of in the pews with family.
Parker shares a heart-wrenching moment when his five-year-old son asked if Daddy would actually sit with the family during a church service—a simple request that brought tears when finally fulfilled. The hosts explore how ministry families must intentionally create moments of togetherness amidst demanding schedules that leave little room for normalcy. "Home is when the entire family's together doing life together," becomes not just a nice sentiment but a survival strategy.
Beyond family dynamics, the conversation addresses the dangerous territory of ministerial burnout. When exhaustion sets in, vulnerability to temptation follows—"a wide open double door for Satan," as Melody describes it. The discussion offers practical wisdom for church leadership teams: include budget for pastoral spouses to attend conferences, provide extra rest days after intensive work periods, and seriously consider sabbaticals. With the exodus of pastors from ministry at historic highs, these aren't luxury items but necessities for sustainable ministry. Whether you serve in ministry yourself or simply attend a church with pastoral leadership, this conversation provides crucial perspective on supporting those who care for our spiritual well-being while fighting to maintain their own.
We're glad you're here with us on this next episode of Quirks, bumps and Bruises Melody along with you and, of course, my good friend Parker Webb this morning. Hey, parker.
Speaker 2:Hey, melody, good to be back with you.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm glad that you are here, because these are things that I can talk about with you, that other people may not understand and I don't get a chance to kind of you know, talk where I feel like somebody can really get it.
Speaker 1:Sure where I feel like somebody can really get it. So I want to talk to those in ministerial positions, those who are pastors, associate pastors, youth ministers, worship leaders, any of that and I know that's a select group of people, not everybody's in that group, but I think it's important that we talk about it. I was on staff for 36 years leading worship. Let me tell you, if you don't think I didn't see music change, and especially during your time.
Speaker 1:I think music changed more it did several decades it did in church history because when I started we were doing I want to see if you recognize this name.
Speaker 2:Yeah, john w peterson yes, now I do because I grew up in a traditional church, but yes, I mean from that to just moving to where music has gone today.
Speaker 1:Anyway, one thing that I really feel like I missed out on, because I have two children, is being able to sit with them in a service and worship Right, because you are always leading others to worship and worship Right, because you are always leading others to worship. Pastors are always leading others, you know, to come to know the Lord and to trust him fully, and you know those things. So those people that are in those positions rarely get that chance.
Speaker 2:That's right, melody and I realize this, my Melody, which I still have to preface.
Speaker 1:It's confusing my Melody.
Speaker 2:Parker's married to a Melody, that's right. So this past easter we were invited by a local pastor, andrew hopper wonderful, wonderful church here in the triad of north carolina to come and just participate in, just to worship on their thursday night easter service or at their thursday night easter service. And, um, I said absolutely, we would love that. When I realized that we needed to worship as a family, even at another church. More was when we were walking in and our five-year-old Caleb looked up at me and he said Daddy, are you going to sit with us or when are you singing tonight? And I thought, oh my word, every time our boys are in a worship setting, I'm either on the platform or I'm backstage waiting to go on or whatever, and we need to be worshiping together as a unit. And it was so nostalgic that I started to cry when we left, because we sat as a family, we worshiped together as a family and I did not have to think about one thing, I didn't have to think about the flow of the service, I didn't have to think about the music, I didn't have to think. The sound, the lighting, everything, all that stuff goes through my mind anytime I'm out. And so we went out to eat afterwards. It's like we were normal people.
Speaker 2:And here's the thing, even though most of our listeners this morning are not in that pastoral position either lead pastor, worship pastor, associate pastor, whatever all of us know people in that segment. So I believe it's more crucial, now that I am a pastor, to consider our staff having a Sabbath, a time of rest, a time where they can spend time with their families. You know, I have people all the time say to me and I love what I do, I don't know what I would do if God had not called me to music On the road, the 50 plus dates we do a year on the road or being at the church 52 Sundays a year. But I have people say you need to slow down a little bit, you need to cut that out, and my response has always been I can't, I cannot turn it off.
Speaker 1:Parker, it's because it's a calling. That's right, and that's a difference between going to a job and going to your calling.
Speaker 2:That's right, you're exactly right and I love it. You know it was a long, long weekend with our choir and work retreat. We brought in speakers from all over the country to speak into our choir and orchestra and Sunday afternoon I got home, got in the bed, take a nap I mean not just lay- on the couch.
Speaker 1:I was shot.
Speaker 2:I laid there until 6 pm and just rested. Monday morning I was in the office an hour earlier than I normally get into the office, so because I was so excited about what was to come and what the Lord had in store. But all that being said, we're having to work out times as a family. In the evenings, we go ride bikes together or we just simply put in a movie. You know, a movie that all of us would enjoy.
Speaker 1:It doesn't really matter. As long as you're with them, that's right, and for kids it really doesn't matter Because we were.
Speaker 2:We were scolded because we had Bryce sitting right here beside me this morning, had Bryce and even Caleb, where they would be out till 11 o'clock midnight at events all over the country, or we would be getting to the airport at 5 am for an early flight and routines were off. Meals were off. All that stuff was off and routines were off. Meals were off, All that stuff was off. Precious, precious woman in gospel music told my mother, which has resonated down to me and my wife home is when the entire family's together and you're doing life together. Yeah, and so, like this morning, Melody, I just brought Bryce in.
Speaker 1:Oh, I loved it.
Speaker 2:You didn't even ask me to bring him in, but I I loved it Because I want him to see all that goes on in life and I want us to do life together. I think that it's what helped me prepare me for church work, prepare me for ministry and church hurt, all that stuff, because I was literally hand in hand with mom and dad through all that stuff.
Speaker 1:And I'll tell you this, parker, I fully believe too, that when ministerial staff of any kind, when you get to the place of exhaustion and you get to the place where you are not worshiping yourself, that's right. That's when sin creeps in.
Speaker 2:It is a wide open double door for Satan to utilize.
Speaker 1:It is because you're not on guard. That's right. You're too tired to even think about it. And that's when the enemy knows to attack. That's right. And that's when the enemy knows to attack and to seek you out and to try to devour and destroy you. And many times I think that's what we've seen when leaders fall, that's right.
Speaker 2:Well, and I would make a challenge, melody, if I could Sure, to lay leaders, deacons, chairs of committees, when your pastor goes on a trip, whether it be to the denominational conventions or whatever, always put in your budget If the spouse is not working. Or they can go put in your budget to send not just your pastor but the spouse, not just the director but their spouse, because that right there is a time, some of the most refreshing times we're a Southern Baptist church at Green Street and the most refreshing Southern Baptist conventions where I've not been so exhausted I almost wanted to quit. To be honest with you, to that point of exhaustion was when my wife went with me. I was excited for ministry when she was with me, so it was almost like a mini vacation.
Speaker 1:Well, I think when you're away from your family, you're worried about your family and there's some guilt. Yeah, 100%, there's some guilt there that you're away and she's at home with the kids. That's right, and so she's with you, because if the kids are with Grandma and Grandpa they're happy. Yeah, totally, they're. Like me making your little boy a s'more at 8 o'clock in the morning for breakfast, that's right, which is wonderful.
Speaker 1:Aunt Melody can make whatever she wants for my boys. So grandparents love it and the kids love it. But it gives you and your wife. I will say this If you can't do that, if the spouse is working and cannot go, I would suggest putting in the budget that when that pastor returns he gets an extra day off. Amen, amen. That's work. You're going to these events, but it's not just fun time You're not laying on the beach.
Speaker 2:That's right. That's right, you know you're working. Yeah, that's right. I would highly recommend give them what in the secular world they call it comp time. That comp time is crucial for the health of their family. Because let me tell you something you want a church to die quick. Hurt your pastor, hurt his relationship with his family, wear him out beyond exhaustion and you will kill your church in a matter of years, if not months.
Speaker 1:I think I'm going to step up on some toes here. It won't be the first time. But I am shocked at the number of churches and I you know I talk with andy bowersox of energized ministry and wonderful ministry that gives retreats to pastors that just need some rest, absolutely but I am shocked at the number of churches that will not even entertain the idea of a sabbatical. Yeah, and it's imperative that we give pastors some time away. Here's what I hear a lot. Well, I work too and I wish that my job would give me a sabbatical. But here's the difference You're not on call 24 seven, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 1:And you are not a secret keeper that's right. Pastors are secret keepers. They have a lot of stuff in their head, stuff, heavy stuff in their head that they can't share, many times not even with their spouse, right, if it's been asked to. Not just the day-to-day ins and outs of being a pastor is grueling, it is, it's rewarding and that's why they continue to do it, because that passion for their people to to be challenged and their walk with Christ or to come to know Christ far outweighs the negative and that's why they continue. But at the same time, it is a massive exodus of pastors now leaving the church.
Speaker 2:It's higher than ever. Higher than ever, and especially from our smaller churches, because the demand is so high they don't have staff. Thankfully, I've got a staff as a worship pastor we're talking about this morning. I've got people that can help me carry that load so that I can pastor and be creative. I can make our worship sets, send them to my music director and he can put them together unbelievably, mr J Meacham. But let me tell you, if you again I want to double down If you want to not just ruin your pastor's life but ruin the life of your church, keep pushing him, keep pushing him and keep nagging about.
Speaker 1:Well, he doesn't, he doesn't do this and I don't know why he doesn't do this, and he didn't visit my grandma's, brother's, sister's aunt, that's right, that's right.
Speaker 2:We talked about his staff yesterday in our staff meeting that we're trying to figure out. We've got a little notes thing. Technology is wonderful, we've got a little. Our directory is online and when any of us go to visit or do whatever, we can jot little notes and even make alerts and all that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2:But, melody, I feel more strongly about this than ever and the comparison of somebody who works a secular job as opposed to a pastor most of the time, obviously this is not universal, it's for sure not universal for business owners, small business owners. At five you can cut it off. For the most part you can cut it off, but to your point, pastors, it's 24-7. In fact, I told a man yesterday here locally. I said, brother, if it's 1 am, I never turn my phone off. My phone has never been off. Call me if you need anything. He's an elderly gentleman and aging and I love him dearly. And so I sat there. Even as I was doing it, the flesh side of me was saying what are you doing? Telling him he can call anytime and I know he won't, he's not that type of man.
Speaker 2:But the pastoral side of me, I'm in it with all my heart, brother. I'm in it with all my heart, brother. I'm here for you. Yeah, anything you need. So I know it's not Pastor Encouragement Month or whatever. I don't even know when that is.
Speaker 1:It's October October.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but please give your pastor some rest and pray for him. Pray for him daily. Yeah, pray for him. If you love your pastor, you will pray for him.
Speaker 1:If you want, your church will succeed Absolutely and you will succeed Absolutely In your spiritual walk if your pastor is in the right place mentally, physically and emotionally and spiritually. And just as a reminder to pastors and to ministerial staff of any kind no matter how good you are at what you do, if you neglect your family, you have failed. It's in vain, yeah, it's all in vain. Yeah, it's all in vain, because that's not how God intended that to be. Well, thank you for joining us on this episode of Quirks, bumps and Bruises.
Speaker 2:And what I love about this podcast. We can talk about stuff like this I know In depth and get awareness out. Yeah, very in depth. So thank you, melody I.
