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How Perfectionism and People-Pleasing Cause Burnout in High-Achieving Women

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Burnout has reached epidemic proportions among professional women. The numbers tell a sobering story: 43% of women leaders report feeling burned out compared to just 31% of men at the same level. What's driving this disparity? Our powerful conversation with the VEST Team reveals two key culprits: perfectionism and people-pleasing.

Research from the University of British Columbia shows that perfectionism is strongly linked to anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. Multiple studies also show women are more likely to engage in people-pleasing behaviors at work, often out of fear of being seen as difficult or unlikable. 

Join us as we dive into the science behind these patterns, exploring how perfectionism correlates with anxiety and depression, while people-pleasing gradually erodes our boundaries until we're running on empty. The most illuminating moments come when our team shares their personal struggles with these tendencies, from the pressure to be "supermoms" and "super workers" to the fear of what might happen if they stop doing so much.

We discuss what rest actually looks like in different seasons of life. For those with young children, it might be just an hour to choose what you do yourself rather than responding to others' needs. We share simple but powerful strategies: replacing "should" with "could," taking a pause before automatically saying yes, time-blocking to ensure dedicated rest periods, and perhaps most importantly, getting comfortable asking for help.

We also talked about how perfectionism and growth cannot coexist. When we demand perfection from ourselves, we create an environment where learning and authentic connection become impossible. By reframing rest not as a luxury but as an essential professional skill, we open the door to greater creativity, better decision-making, and sustainable success.

Whether you're a chronic people-pleaser, a perfectionist, or simply feeling the weight of trying to do it all, this episode offers both validation and practical tools to break these patterns. Join our conversation and discover how establishing healthier boundaries can transform not just how you feel, but how effectively you lead.

For the VEST Team full bios, Self-Awareness Exercise and Show notes click here. 

If you enjoy the episode share it with a friend, leave us a review and don't forget to hit the subscribe button. If you are ready to take your career and business to the next level, apply to join our community of professional women, all eager to help you get there and stay there. Check out our VEST Membership and apply today! www.VESTHer.co

Speaker 1:

Burnout is at an all-time high. According to McKinsey and Lean In's Women in the Workplace report, 43% of women leaders say they feel burned out, compared to just 31% of men at the same level. The constant need to achieve perfectionism is a key contributor to this. Research from the University of British Columbia shows that perfectionism is strongly linked to anxiety, depression and chronic stress. People-pleasing is another major contributor. Studies show women are more likely to engage in people-pleasing behaviors, often out of fear of being seen as difficult or unlikable. Over time, this erodes boundaries and leads to emotional and physical exhaustion. This is why today we're talking about how rest is not a luxury, but rather a necessary skill we must add to our toolbox. In fact, the American Psychological Association reports that chronic stress and lack of rest reduces productivity, decision-making ability and innovation all traits that are essential to how we're showing up at work. And innovation all traits that are essential to how we're showing up at work.

Speaker 1:

Hey everyone, I'm Erika Lucas, founder of Vest and your host for today's episode. Today, our team is recapping a powerful session we recently held with Vest members, where we explore how perfectionism and people-pleasing show up in our lives and our careers and how this often leads to burnout. More importantly, we discuss what it means to begin resisting these patterns. For our team's full bios, the self-awareness exercise and other show notes go to wwwvestherco forward slash podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend and don't forget to leave us a review. Where do you feel pressure to perform, or people, please?

Speaker 2:

I think I'll start with this one. For me it's in a lot of places.

Speaker 2:

I feel like I'm a recovering people pleaser, still working on that every day, trying to make sure that I also take care of myself and not just everyone else. And so the idea of like the super mom, the super woman, feels so strongly in me and so like I'm proud of all the things that I do. But also it's the idea of I don't know like having having to be perfect in a lot of different places and if you misstep, you know, or put too much effort in one box, are you, you know, draining yourself in another box? And so I think a lot of the times it's like okay, having those moments to really check in and make sure that I'm also filling that box in myself, and like filling my cup. That messaging I think is super important, is feeling my own cup before I am able to pour into others, right.

Speaker 3:

So yeah, I mean, I think about that. I always think I'm also a recovering people, pleaser. Hello, I'm Jay. I think about that airplane visual and what they tell you, with moms like you have to put the mask on yourself before you put it on your kid or whoever you're taking care of, and that's just a simple and good reminder for me, too, for how to live, reminder for me, too, to uh, for how to live, um, because it shows up for me too, um, on the daily and sometimes it's funny, that guilt that you feel with you know, trying to be perfect people pleasing those around to those around you.

Speaker 3:

It can, it can be debilitating, and then you're like frozen and then, and then it builds because you're kind of frozen and, um, you're not getting you know what you think you need to get done, and it's like this piling mountain of perfectionism that, at the end of the day, is is just mostly, most of the time, in our own heads, um, and we expect more from ourselves than than most people do, um, so I always like to remember that the airplane, you know putting the mask on before you put it on on others and um, something else that helps me is I actually was, you know, went to therapy and talked about this topic a lot, um, and I would always tell my therapist like I should, you know, I think I should, should, should, and she told me, well, or you could, you know, it's not ever really should, it's could you.

Speaker 3:

You know, and I think that helps me reframe things in my brain too it's I could do this or I could do this, and maybe this option makes me feel a little better and it's not actually people pleasing Like this is an option I want to do. So taking the should out of my vocabulary really helps me as well.

Speaker 1:

I love that, jay. I think we're all benefiting from your therapy sessions when you share the takeaway. So, yeah, it's just just so true, right, and Gabby, I think you said it too like this idea of the supermom or the super worker or the super, whatever it's pressures that sometimes are external, right, the expectation, like who defined what a supermom looks like? And does that idea of the supermom even exist and is it realistic and is it sustainable? But sometimes and we know all of this, right, we've read about it, we know it. But sometimes and we know all of this, right, we've read about it, we know it, but it's really hard to process it because sometimes we just internalize it without even realizing it. So I love those exercises, jay, that you talked about. And so to do an accountability check on us too what does rest look like for you guys right now? And let's add one more what gets in the way of it?

Speaker 4:

I'll start with this one. This is, I think one of the members yesterday mentioned that rest can look very different in different seasons in life, and I think that really resonates with me, because my rest with two young children might not look the same as others. To be honest, I think rest could look like one hour of just not even physically resting, but getting to choose what I do myself and not having to do what's needed or what others want me to do for them. So that's what rest looks like for me in this season right now, and it might not be the same for everyone else, but yeah.

Speaker 2:

I totally get that, sarah. Yeah, two kiddos, one that still comes into my bed every morning at three in the morning. So, yeah, rest is a super important um, yeah. However, however, it looks like Right, um, I think for me it's, um, finishing my coffee, being able to take the time to finish my coffee in the morning before it gets cold, not having to reheat it or anything.

Speaker 2:

And then also, sometimes, you know I'm I fall into the category of sometimes like feeling like I need to either schedule out my whole day or do something at all times, right, so taking that moment to really rest is is important and I need to remind myself of that a lot. And so sometimes, you know, I may set my alarm with, like the, you know, the 6am, the 610am, 615am, make sure I'm up by a certain time. And then I've learned that, like, okay, I'm cutting into my own rest time and so if maybe I don't wake up at you know, 530 or six o'clock in the morning, but I received that extra bit of rest, um, and you know I'll, I'll find a way to fill out that time afterwards, but, you know, not pushing myself when I know my body actually needs the actual rest as well.

Speaker 3:

I think one of the members yesterday talked about, um, what getting what gets in the way of her rest is her self-inflicted wound of the pressure of her schedule, and you know she needs to be at work at this time and then she needs to work out here, so she needs to, you know, cook herself these foods, these foods, and then it's like then there's no time to rest because you're just kind of ticking off all your boxes for the day instead of enjoying it and being in the moment, which I think we can all relate to.

Speaker 3:

Kind of goes back to what I was saying about the shoulds versus the coulds. And, yeah, I think trying to avoid that self-inflicted wound is hard, uh. But you know, carving out time specifically, even if you need to add it into your schedule, is important, um, so for me it looks like, you know, walks in the evenings, when it's when it's a little bit cooler out, um, uh, just to take that time to really reset and focus and and know that I did a good job during the day and whatever I did, I did and what I didn't get done, it can wait until tomorrow.

Speaker 1:

A hundred percent. And again it ties it all back to like, what are the expectations, you know, like are they our own self inflicted wounds and expectations, or are they societal expectations, conflicted ones and expectations, or are they societal expectations? So, yeah, all very much tied up. And, gabby and Sarah, I have to say I think about you all the time, you both all the time with little kids, because, you know, as I'm like, I get up really early and I get to start my work at six or seven. You know, and I think often of, like you know, when I had little kids, you know I had to drop them off and pick them up and like it was just, it was chaotic, you know, because of everything that you have to fit in, and so I I just appreciate you both so much.

Speaker 1:

And you know, it also makes me question a lot of like the silly rules we have at work, right, you know it also makes me question a lot of like the silly rules we have at work, right, like we start meetings at 8 am. Well, people, parents or caregivers are still dropping off their kids. They're, you know, they didn't get to drink their coffee or maybe they're having to reheat it, and who made up the rules that we have to start work at eight, you know, as long as work gets done, like anyway. So you know we could do also, since this is obviously a show for women professionals who are building more inclusive workspaces, it's also, you know, our. One thing we could do in addition to taking care of ourselves is just like think about the rules that we impose at work that may not be very suitable to working moms, working parents, caregivers.

Speaker 1:

Who made up those rules anyway? And are they still, you know, supporting the workplace that we see today? Anyway, so really appreciate you both and we do what we can to support you, but I know it's still chaotic and hard to be a parent with small kiddos. What are you afraid of, or what are you afraid will happen? What are you afraid will happen If you stop doing so much? What is that fear? What is that anxiety? What do you think it's going to happen?

Speaker 2:

I think, members, really this is a common theme in our working session and the idea of if I don't get it done, who will Got brought up a lot which definitely resonates with me. It's that pressure right To be the super whatever it is to be the super mom, super woman, super worker. Right to be the super, whatever it is to be the super mom, superwoman, super worker, um, and sometimes it is like there there is more um, uh, expectations just based on you know where you are in your career level. You have different responsibilities, right, um, and and sometimes it can be a thing of accountability of whoever is on the other end. Are they being accountable and being held accountable for their responsibilities and how do those two things work together?

Speaker 2:

But I think sometimes it goes back to that internal Is it an internal pressure versus an external pressure? And, really reflecting on whatever is kind of coming up, is this something that could be handled with, maybe better systems, processes, communication, or is this something that needs to be dealt with internally of? I don't trust that this will get done, so I just need to do it, kind of thing.

Speaker 1:

Or am I communicating? Yes, I was watching or I was listening to a podcast recently that was saying that the number one reason for divorce is not money and it's not cheating, it's lack of communication of expectations with your partner. And I think that can be applied to work right. If we don't clearly communicate what our expectations are. And I'm not just talking. You know team lead and you know people underneath. I'm talking about even. You know, if you're working underneath a leader and you're not communicating, that you don't feel supported, that you don't have the right tools to do your job, that you didn't get clear instructions to perform, so, anyways, I just think I remember the pattern as well of women communicating that.

Speaker 1:

But then also communication was a big part of that discussion, like making sure that we're communicating, asking for help. You know from our support system whether that's our spouse, like if it's at home, if that's our spouses, if that's, you know, whatever support system we have, being vulnerable enough to ask for help, being vulnerable enough to let others help, and it doesn't. The job doesn't have to get done exactly how we would do it. I say this all the time, like when Chris helps me and he helps me a lot, but when he helps me do something and it's not to my standards, I'm like just let it go. He's helping you know, it doesn't have to be exactly how you do it. So, anyways, great conversation. Anything you want to add, sarah Jay?

Speaker 4:

I think that's the key though letting people help and being able to let go of that, some of that control, because I really struggle with that. I would rather spend more time doing something than asking someone else's help and explaining how it should be done and you know, sort of supervising or whatnot, and then I get really upset when it's not done the right way. So I don't know, at least for me, a lot of of it is about control, and that's clearly something that I need to work um, work on um, so that I can just let go and give more control to others. It's not that they don't want to help, it's that I'm not letting them help, um, but that ties in, I think, identity as well, where I'm like the eldest daughter I love, like my identity is so much tied to, like, caregiving and helping and taking care of things for others. So, yeah, it's, it's a lot bigger, a lot more than than just, yeah, getting things done myself.

Speaker 1:

But A hundred percent and we didn't really get to dive into. You know, obviously most of our best sessions are never long enough right To go into um into details. But, yeah, there's, there's. You know how we were raised. Um, uh, you know immigrant.

Speaker 1:

Uh, you know we, we all work with immigrant founders. Um, uh, you know, uh, even, you know women professionals who are immigrants, and there's this additional sense of like you have to work as hard as you can. I mean, we even have a saying you know you rest, you know when you're dead. So we don't prioritize rest and it's part of our pride, as part of our culture, you know, to be known as this hard worker. So, anyways, lots of trauma, lots of things that can influence some of the expectations that you self-impose. Being the first, the oldest daughter, I mean, oh, my gosh, that's so true across the board.

Speaker 1:

So what would you? I think this was a very interesting question because I think that, as um high performing women, again, we take on a lot of the responsibility and, uh, we are very hard with ourselves. Um, right, but if we were given advice to other people, we tend to be kind and understanding and gentle, but never with ourselves. So the question, and I want you to answer this, not like what other members might have said or other patterns, but just for you. If you were given advice to a friend based on what you've shared, that you are experiencing and feeling, and what's prohibiting you from resting, if you were going to give advice to a friend, what would you say to them If they were in your shoes?

Speaker 3:

I'm happy to go answer this one. Um, first, I would tell them that they aren't alone in that feeling that you know. I think that if you ask anyone, they can relate to that feeling, especially women, especially working women, especially working moms, and and um, it's, I think it's a very common feeling. Um, so, first, you're not alone.

Speaker 3:

Um, I think the second thing I would tell them is everything is not going to fall apart if you help yourself. Um, and then I would tell them is everything is not going to fall apart if you help yourself. And then I would ask them maybe where can you ask for help? Because I know that that's a good question, because you know you're like ask for help, ask for help, and it's they're like well, I have to do these things or everything's going to fall apart. And so I think a good question to to encourage people and to ask yourself is where can I ask for help? You know, start with what I'm comfortable with delegating off, and I think that's a good start to being more comfortable with asking for help. Comfortable. Then you start, you know, moving along and you realize that the things that you were uncomfortable about asking for help, you maybe become more comfortable.

Speaker 1:

I love that Jay.

Speaker 2:

Yeah, that was great, and I feel like all your little nuggets. I'm like let me write this down and where can I ask for help? What can I change from should to? Could I appreciate your input on that? Yeah, I think I would. Especially the first one I think is super important is you're not alone in this. Like who can you reach out to when you are feeling down? Because I think sometimes it is that like, let me just power through, let me just get through it, you know, and so as a if our my close friend, I would say like one, you can reach out to me anytime you feel this way. But also, like who else can you reach out to Right? Like, when you're in those down moments, who's in your speed dial of? Like, um, you know close friends that will come to your aid immediately.

Speaker 1:

And I love that you said, jay, because it's so true. We often say you know, ask for help. But hell, if you're a single mom or you don't have a support system, who the hell do you ask for help? So I think that, but by going deep and like, well, do you have friends, aunties, you know? Maybe it's time to join a network like best of peers. Right, it doesn't have to be family. We know that there's also women out there that don't have a support system and maybe they don't, they're not close to their family. So, anyways, just loved all the three tips that you shared.

Speaker 4:

I was also going to say just how much, how meaningful it can be to join a network like this, because you're you know how you often feel by attending these sessions, that so many other people are feeling in a similar way. So not only they validate how you're feeling, but you can really talk to one another and support one another, which I find really wonderful and just validating and nourishing.

Speaker 1:

So, if yeah, not feeling inadequate, right? I think you said it too, jay, at the beginning. It's like so often we internalize and we isolate ourselves because we think we're the only ones that can't keep up with being the super mom or can keep up with being the super worker, and the reality is most of us are dealing with the same shit, regardless of industry, regardless of levels in our companies. So the more we normalize talking about these experiences and how they show up for us in similar ways or in different ways, I think it's very important. How does perfectionism or people-pleasing show up in your work or relationships? And we've already covered this a little bit, but give me an example, like if you can think of an example where this showed up for you Anyone?

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think that you know, even when it comes to family and I'm the youngest of five I you all, you all here know I'm crazy about my family and the people around me, sister, or your mom, or the people that you know you need to say yes to all the time.

Speaker 3:

If they want to go to lunch, if they want to and you are just tired, you can say no and you can tell them. You know, I love you, I just need to rest. And I feel that, sarah, you're talking about, you know, being the oldest and the pressures and the perfectionism that comes with being the oldest. I think for being the youngest, it's like I feel like I was adored so much that I need to always show that back. And you know, if my sister calls, I need to pick up. If my mom calls, I need to pick up.

Speaker 3:

If my brother wants to go to lunch, I need to go to lunch calls, I need to pick up. If my brother wants to go to lunch, I need to go to lunch. And it's like you know, maybe I just need to take a nap or maybe I just, you know, need to have an hour, like you said, sarah, of not doing anything and not having anyone, you know, talking to me and just be free for an hour. So for me it's even it's funny, but for me it's even uh, it's funny, but for me it's even my support system. You know, sometimes I need to set boundaries, even with my support system, um, and I think that's allowed and you can do that. Anyone else?

Speaker 4:

For me, it shows up at work in a way where I feel like I have to constantly perform perfectly and if I don't that, I can't that I failed and all of this. But I am so fortunate to work with all of you because you're always so open and transparent and graceful, and so this is a very healing. I don't know support network that I have through work, but that is definitely like this persistent voice to say are you not doing enough, why are you doing this wrong or why are you not, you know, performing more? Whatever it is, there's always that constant voice, but it is. It is absolutely so. I'm so grateful to have to have the team that is always so supportive and it sort of just pushes that voice away.

Speaker 2:

I'm grateful to have you. Yeah, I think, yeah, definitely. And, like I said earlier, in what way does it not show up? Definitely at work or at home. I definitely understand that, jay, where it's like can't say no, you can't say no Been trying to work on that too. And then at work, I think it's like that need to constantly be available. I think that's something that has shown up and again, I've tried to work towards, and sometimes I have to catch myself and like, no, it's 4.59 on a Friday. You know, I don't need to answer this email right now. And one thing that I've learned that I don't use often enough is just like schedule send. So that way, one, it doesn't get lost in my inbox, but two, it's like, okay, I kind of set that boundary of like I won't respond after a certain time or I'm not available to just whoever after a certain time. But yeah, that's little instances where I know it's definitely shown up for me, but yeah, that's little instances where I know it's definitely shown up for me.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, I think that working with Stitch Crew, which is, you know, our other pillar organization, which is a nonprofit that supports entrepreneurs, and then, obviously, launching both Stitch Crew and Vest, which is an entity on its own and a business on its own, and I think that my mindset shifted tremendously from being in corporate America or in traditional jobs versus working as an entrepreneur, and I used to. You know, like, I mean that it's hard to let go Right, because at the beginning, Gabby I don't know if you remember, but with Stitch Grow Invest, we tried to be perfect but it wasn't and it was okay, right, like if we made mistakes, like the world didn't fall, you know, like, okay. So we, you know, made a mistake on a blog post that we did, or we, I don't know. You know the website. I mean, oh my gosh, how many versions of the website have we've improved over time, and so, anyways, I do think that being an entrepreneur, having smaller teams, is so helpful and it's definitely a privilege because you can iterate so fast and you can learn from mistakes and you actually embrace being scrappy and and fast, and you know that because of that, you're going to likely make mistakes and it's okay.

Speaker 1:

But in traditional work settings that's not always the case, right, especially if they're very competitive work environments or if you don't have a culture that embraces making mistakes or if you have internal traumas that also show up in, like you say, sarah. You know the constant need of. I'm not saying that you have trauma, sarah, I'm just saying that sometimes you know, we do internalize, I do, I certainly do have trauma.

Speaker 4:

We all do Another recovering people pleaser so here we are.

Speaker 1:

I think all of us are which leads to the next question perfectly.

Speaker 2:

Before we go into that too, though, I think it's important to note that you know conversations like these and conversations that we have at Vest you made it there or as even CEOs, like oh, you see the CEO, and now they're, they're killing it and you know they have everything together, but in reality, like they're still messing up too, or that all the steps that it took to get there. Or as founders, like all the different versions of the website, the logo, this, that, the other. So I think it's important to have like these conversations too, because people are constantly changing and evolving, and, whether it's their business, through, you know, just personal life. It's important to know that, like this isn't anyone's final version, right, we're all just constantly trying to just grow.

Speaker 1:

Yeah Well, first of all, perfection is a myth, right, there's just, and we know this, like we know this, but I guess it's just hard to again when you internalize things. But what I often tell people is perfection and growth can't coexist, right, because if you're perfect, then you don't need to grow, and how boring would that be. So it's just about growing and learning and improving over time and being curious about how we can continue to improve. But it's not from a judgmental it doesn't need to come from a judgmental place, but rather, you know, a learning mindset. So thank you for adding that. So, thank you for adding that.

Speaker 1:

So you know, you all talked a little bit about, like you know, how hard sometimes being people pleasers, how hard it is to say no. So the next question, one that we asked members to, is when have you felt the cost of doing too much or saying yes when, in reality, what you wanted to say was no, to say was no, and I know that a lot of members immediately said oh my gosh, like you know the pressure to say yes because you feel bad, jay, because you feel like you have to be available. Gabby, you know, sometimes you're so good at your job that you are, you know people, you become the reliable person, and so you know you feel like the pressure to perform and to always be on. So, anyways, I'm going to turn this over to you guys and ask you guys to give us an example of when you said yes, but really what you?

Speaker 3:

wanted to say is no, I think whenever I have felt this, in times when I'm doing too much or doing things that I don't want to do, I get like sometimes I end up actually sick, like from doing too much and not taking care.

Speaker 3:

You know you do too much and you say yes, you say yes and next thing you know you have like a virus or you have a cold. I think that's really important to remember because the way we live our lives I mean we are still a physical body also and self-care also is important to your physical health. I think there were times in college when I was just constantly sick from, you know, an 18-hour workload semester joining all the clubs. You know I moved out of state, I went to a out of state college, joined all the clubs, had, you know, meetings every night for this club and that club tomorrow, 18 hours, and I would just get sick and I think my body was really trying to tell me to slow down. So listen, listen to your body. I think and I'm trying, you know I do better, I think, and I don't get sick as much and also take vitamins. But, yeah, listen to your body.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so true, you mentioned that. And I was just, as you all know, recently traveling back to back and I came back and just crashed. And, and you all know, I was recently traveling back to back and I came back and just crashed. And you know the lesson there is you do things because you feel like you have to, you have to, you have to, and then you ultimately get sick and you are still pushed back, you know, and, like now, I have to take off work and go to the doctor, and so, you're right, take off work and go to the doctor, and, and so, you're right, we work ourselves to exhaustion and sometimes to sickness, um, and and when we don't take the time to break and make space. Gabby, sarah, when was a time when you can you give us an example of when you wanted to say no but you ended up saying yes, and how that showed up for you?

Speaker 4:

that showed up for you. Yeah, sorry, gabby, go ahead. No, go ahead, sir. No, okay, I will go ahead. I feel like when I I get really reactive and I immediately say yes to things, and then and then, of course, I overextend myself and then I end up just getting really angry, um at myself mostly, but then it comes out in, you know, anger towards my children, or impatient, or my husband, to the people that's closest to me, and that's when I feel like, okay, you know, anxiety levels are up, um, but that's when I know that it's like enough, I've definitely overextended myself.

Speaker 4:

I was listening to a podcast recently and there was a tip that said okay, each time you're asked a question, you're asked to be involved, you're asked to do something, just pause and don't give an answer right away. Just say, okay, let me check my calendar or let me think about it. Just don't commit to it right away, and then at least you won't be reactive about it in terms of just saying yes, and then you get to think about whether or not you really want to do it or whether or not it's people pleasing and you're you know. Then if you really still want to do it, you can commit to it, otherwise you can say no and you can take your time with it. So that has really helped me sort of keep things in check. Otherwise it really feels awful because you do want to help people, I really want to help people but then you end up being angry about it and then you don't even enjoy helping them anymore. So it just has lots of that effect.

Speaker 1:

A hundred percent. I used to be really bad about this and now I think maybe I've gone like completely. Maybe it's with age, I don't know. I tell people I'm in my fuck you stage, like you know, or fuck this stage, but I used to really struggle with this and, Gabby, you remember this from the early days I would say yes to everything and I wanted to be collaborative and I wanted to show up for people and I wanted to do all of those things.

Speaker 1:

And now you know, and then I learned over time that you know, I was just prioritizing other people's goals, not our own as an organization. You know, if we're talking about work as an organization, and then just yeah. Then, once the flip switch, though, and really understanding that you know, if you're at work, your mission, your work, your priorities come first, and it's OK to say no. And then also personally, you know, just anyways, just prioritize yourself, I can't say it enough and once that flip does switch you don't want to become like me, because maybe I'm too much too, but just find a balance right where where you give yourself the permission to say no, Gabby, anything you wanted to add? Or should we move on to the next question?

Speaker 2:

No, I resonate with what both of you said. I think I have that like the you know where it's all just kind of bottled inside until it's there's just no space for it to go but out, kind of moments. I did just want to share something that some of the members mentioned as one of their little hacks too is like not only taking a pause before answering, but you know, setting it if it's for work related reasons, setting up a fake admin that is the one to say no for you, so you can kind of release that pressure of like oh it's not me saying no, it's the admin or scheduler, or if it's a calendar system. So again, it gives you that kind of like break in between.

Speaker 1:

Listen, we're all about leapfrogging things here and whatever we need to do to help members get there. I love that, um, so how we close that session. I think was very powerful too, and we hope that anyone listening to this conversation also takes the time to do this exercise and then also to finish today with one boundary be you know a way in which you're going to prioritize rest, or it could be a way in which you're going to disrupt, or and you know the need to be perfect all the time, and yeah. So I want to ask you guys what is one thing you can commit to doing, even though it's hard? Maybe you're not going to be consistent over time, but what is one thing that you can commit to doing this week?

Speaker 3:

I think, something I struggled with and I kind of touched on it earlier. I, you know, youngest of five, all my siblings live around me. I have a wonderful group of friends and they love, I mean, and I do too we love to create plans in our free time and hang out and, you know, go out to eat and whatever it is. So I think for me it's like even saying no sometimes to the fun stuff, because maybe I just need to recharge and not do anything. Maybe I just need to recharge and not do anything. I think sometimes we can, you know, we think that doing something fun is recharging, which I think it totally can be in some cases. But for me, I think saying no to even to fun stuff will help me relax and recharge. I think that also is a people pleasing thing and the fear of missing out and well, they're going to have so much fun, and what if they talk about something and then I don't know what they're talking about next time and it really it's totally okay.

Speaker 1:

Oof, we didn't talk about that fear of missing out, but that's big and you know it's a problem. That could be a whole new podcast.

Speaker 3:

Yeah, I think it goes hand in hand with perfectionism. You know, I'm not going to get the perfect story, I'm not going to get the perfect time and with my people I love and it's going to be okay, yeah.

Speaker 2:

Gabby, sarah, I think mine would be a little bit the opposite of you, jay, in terms of I'm going to say yes to help At least one thing this week, that's. I know I count on past the like delegating, fear of delegating stage on that end. But personally I think sometimes I still struggle with like asking or letting. I think it's really more of that letting people help with something. So I'm going to commit to asking and saying yes to help with one thing personally this week and saying yes to help with one thing personally this week.

Speaker 4:

Sarah, I'm going to time block and stick to it, because that has really helped me. Actually I've tried it the past two days and it has really helped me be more present with my children in the summer. So I have blocked time for work and when that's done then I'll just close my computer and I won't feel guilty or I'll try not to feel guilty about not doing more and then just be present and enjoy my time with the kids and spend time with them. So that's what I'm committing to.

Speaker 1:

Well, thank you all. This was a great session. I hope that you know people who listen to this get something out of it. Again, you can go to our show notes at wwwvestorco forward slash podcast. Click on the latest episode and you'll see a bunch of resources. Members showed books or highlighted books that they're reading that are helping them with perfectionism, with resting, prioritizing rest. We're also going to include some of the articles that the team has written on this topic and several other resources, so be sure to check those out.

Speaker 1:

And if you're looking for a support system maybe you don't have it please consider joining VEST or any other peer group that you feel like you can come and show up as your authentic self, because it's not a luxury right Like we tend to think, that investing in ourselves or investing in joining a group like this is like a luxury or something. It's really not. Particularly in these times, there's a lot of uncertainty in our world and having a support system is so critical, so consider joining VAST or any other group. You can learn more about our peer community and how it works by again going to our website, wwwvastrco.

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Erika Lucas

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