Recognizing Extractive Practices

There are moments that stay with you, not because they were obvious, but because something about them didn’t sit right.

In this episode of the VEST Her Podcast, we explore those moments, the ones where you’ve given your time, energy, or ideas and walked away feeling like something was off, even if you couldn’t fully explain why.

In this conversation, we unpack:

•  What extractive practices are and why they’re not always easy to recognize 
•  How they often show up disguised as opportunity, visibility, or collaboration 
•  Why so many of us question ourselves before fully understanding what’s happening 

We explore how extractive dynamics don’t always look the way you’d expect. In many cases, something is being offered (access, inclusion, praise) which is exactly what makes it confusing. These gray areas can make it harder to trust your instincts in the moment.

We also expand beyond the workplace, because these patterns don’t exist in just one area. They show up across:

•  Work and career growth 
•  Community spaces 
•  Personal relationships 
•  Broader systems and expectations 

This episode is a guided conversation designed to help you recognize patterns you may not have had language for before and begin thinking differently about what you carry.

Transcript

Welcome And Why This Matters

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Hey everyone, welcome to the Vest Her podcast, where we share honest conversations, actionable insights, and real stories to support not just your career growth, but also your life journey. I'm Gabby Eichenlob, your host for today. Let's get started. This month, we held a group session with Vest members on extractive practices. A topic of conversation that many of us have experienced but don't always know how to name right away. Thank you to all of our members who shared their experiences, situations, and thoughts on this topic because as the session went on and more people shared, you could feel as things really started to click and resonate among the group. It's really easy to have experiences like these and feel very isolated throughout them because you may not have the language or the support around you to work through it. And sometimes you really do need that time to be able to process what even happened. That's also part of why it helps to name what we're actually talking about here. When we say extractive practices, we're talking about patterns where value, whether that's time, labor, knowledge, or resources, is taken from people or systems without fair recognition, compensation, or reinvestment. What makes this complicated is that these dynamics do not always look exploitative on the surface. In many cases, they're wrapped in praised or framed as opportunity. They're often folded into language around collaboration and leadership and service or just being a great team player. Sometimes they look like visibility without real access, contribution without credit, or care work that becomes expected. And these dynamics extend far beyond the workplace. They show up in how our careers unfold in community settings and in personal relationships. They even show up in broader economic systems where value is created every day, but not always returned in ways that are sustainable or fair. Part of why this conversation matters is because these experiences can sit in a gray area for a long time. You may know something feels off, but still struggle to explain why. You may even question your own read of the situation, especially when there is some benefit or access involved. And for many women, there is often a real fear about what it could cost to call out the imbalance. That's part of why these patterns can last as long as they do. They rely on normalization and the fact that many of us have been taught to be available and agreeable, even when those qualities are being stretched beyond what is reasonable. What all of this points to is how easy it is to live inside these patterns for a long time before really seeing them for what they are. These patterns and these experiences build slowly. So today we want to take the time with you to notice where this may be showing up for you. One of the clearest places this shows up is at work. This can look like being the person who always fills the gap. You are the one who jumps in, keeps the project moving, and makes sure that everyone is okay. None of that may even be written into your role, but over time it becomes part of how people rely on you. And because you're competent and responsive, that extra labor starts to become the default. And in many workplaces, that pattern isn't accidental. It's reinforced by cultures that praise flexibility and initiative while failing to redistribute labor, adjust expectations, or reward the people caring more than their fair share. Across careers more broadly, it can show up through access and exposure that sound valuable on paper but don't always translate into anything concrete. You're invited into a conversation and asked to share your thoughts, or brought into a room because your perspective matters. On the surface, that can feel affirming. But when the real decisions get made, when the credit gets assigned, or when opportunities become tangible, the return doesn't always match what you contributed. That can be difficult to name because something was offered. But inclusion isn't the same thing as investment, and visibility isn't always the same thing as advancement. In a lot of professional environments, access becomes a stand-in for real opportunity and participation is encouraged without any real shift in power or compensation or decision making. So it looks like support or recognition can over time function as another way systems benefit from people's labor and insight. In community spaces, these patterns can feel even more personal because they're often tied to values we care deeply about. You want to support the people and the spaces that matter to you. And that desire to contribute is often what brings people into community in the first place. But even there, the same dynamic can emerge. The people organizing and checking in and keeping things connected can also become the ones expected to carry the emotional weight of the space. What begins as care can slowly turn into obligation. And because that work is tied to belonging and shared purpose, it can be harder to step back or question whether the responsibility is being shared fairly. In many communities, this is reinforced by a lack of real structure around accountability and shared leadership. When there's no clear way to distribute labor, the people who are most willing and capable often end up caring more by default. The community may benefit from that effort, but the effort itself is not always recognized or supported in a sustainable way. In personal relationships, extractive patterns can be harder to name because the labor involved is often normalized and internalized. Being the person who follows up, who manages the emotional tone and notices what needs to happen before anyone else is still labor, even if it's framed as care. And because that work is tied to love and responsibility, it can take a long time to really recognize the imbalance. And these dynamics aren't just personal. They're reinforced by broader expectations that teach women to anticipate needs and hold relationships together and absorb the emotional labor as part of just being good partners and friends, daughters, mothers, or caregivers. So even in close relationships, what feels private is often shaped by larger systems that normalize that imbalance. Across all of these examples, what stands out is not only how much is being asked, but how quickly it can start to feel normal. Once the contribution becomes expected, the imbalance gets harder to recognize. That's one of the reasons women can spend so much time questioning themselves in these situations. A lot of us have been socialized to see our overextension as generosity and our exhaustion as commitment. And when something starts to feel imbalanced, there is often a second layer of calculation happening. If I call this out, will I be seen as difficult? If I pull back, will I lose trust? If I stop doing this, what will happen to the relationship, to the team, to the opportunity, or the to the community? Those aren't imaginary concerns. There is real risk in speaking up. There's backlash and labels that are placed on us. There can be a cost to being the one who interrupts a pattern that other people benefit from. This is why this conversation is complicated, because recognizing a pattern doesn't always make it easier to respond to it. What's important to remember here is that the burden of changing these dynamics cannot sit on one person alone. And that's exactly why support matters more than people often acknowledge. These patterns are harder to sustain when people can compare notes and share language. And part of that is the relief of feeling understood. But it also does something more. It helps people recognize that what felt personal is often structural. This deconstruction does take people naming what they're seeing. But it also takes leaders being honest about the ways they benefit from people overextending, especially when that labor is not supported or compensated. It takes communities looking closely at who we are asking to carry the load. And it takes each of us building the language and confidence to advocate for ourselves while also paying attention to where others may need support or backing. These experiences are not always easy to sort out in real time. And sometimes what helps most is having a little space to reflect without rushing yourself to an answer. So I want to leave you with a few prompts. You can write your thoughts down now or come back to this episode when you have time to really sit with what's been coming up for you. As you think through the different areas that we've talked about, whether that's your workplace, your career, your community, your relationships, and the systems that surround you, start with this. Where have you started to notice a pattern that feels one-sided or unsustainable? What is something that you've been carrying that may have started to just be expected of you? Where have you confused being needed with being valued? Where has access, praise, or inclusion been offered in place of real support or compensation? And then, maybe the most important question, what would it look like to respond differently the next time this comes up? If you sit with these questions and one situation comes to mind, stay there. Let yourself put language to what fell off. Sometimes the first step is simply being honest with yourself about what you've been carrying and what it has been costing you. Once you can see a pattern more clearly, you can start deciding what you no longer want to normalize. Go to www.vesther.co to learn more.