Hi there, thanks for listening and please like this podcast where you listen to your podcasts.
The European Association of Professional Hypnotherapists is a group of like-minded hypnotherapists who are accredited professionals in their field. Many of our therapists have many many years of experience behind them which means you are probably in the best possible hands, available to you.
Why not pop on over to eaph.ie and choose the hypnotherapist that suits you. Many provide online hypnotherapy. eaph.ie
We welcome feedback on your listening experience at eaph.ie
Hi there, thanks for listening and please like this podcast where you listen to your podcasts.
The European Association of Professional Hypnotherapists is a group of like-minded hypnotherapists who are accredited professionals in their field. Many of our therapists have many many years of experience behind them which means you are probably in the best possible hands, available to you.
Why not pop on over to eaph.ie and choose the hypnotherapist that suits you. Many provide online hypnotherapy. eaph.ie
We welcome feedback on your listening experience at eaph.ie
Aidan
00:00 - 00:29
You're listening to the professional hypnotherapist podcast session number 00015 Susan McElligott on her new book. "Mind Your Thoughts" - they could be more powerful than you think. This is a production of the European association of professional hypnotherapists. That's EAPH.ie. Thank you for joining me today. I'm your host Aidan Noone.
Aidan
00:29 - 02:09
Before we get started, have you ever asked yourself the following question How long will you remain inside Your problem? Is now not the right time for you to break free from that problem and live your life your way? So just imagine what's the story you want to be telling yourself in two or three years time having done this now, because in today's podcast, we hear about stories and the importance of your story. And having made that change. How is life different than? What if I asked you a question, which by the very nature of the question, the presuppositions within the question caused you to go deep inside yourself and break apart that stuck present reality. And as you realize, now you have freed yourself by tapping into that creative, emotional, intelligent part, stepping into your own excellence and authority. Would that be of any use to you? All of our EAPH hypnotherapists are standing by waiting to hear from you. They are professional ethical hypnotherapists with many, many years experience. Why not contact EAP,H.ie right now, and find solutions for you that help you to move forward in your life. And now over to our guest, Susan McElligott. Susan, McElligott welcome to the professional hypnotherapist podcast.
Susan
02:10 - 02:12
Thank you, Aiden. It's a pleasure to be here.
Aidan
02:14 - 02:20
Ok, Susan, you arein practice there as a hypnotherapist psychotherapist in cork city. And how long have you been in practice?
Susan
02:21 - 02:28
Well, and I've been here for the last 21 years now in private practice in Carrrigaline, County Cork.
Aidan
02:29 - 02:35
Okay. Now, what is it Susan, why are you so passionate about what you do?
Susan
02:36 - 03:33
Well, I've always been interested in the power of the mind and ever since the 1980s, when I did a course in Silva mind control, I was absolutely fascinated with what our minds can achieve. And, it was started out as a kind of an interest or a hobby if you like. And I've always been reading books on psychology and basically how do we, change story and how do we live our best lives if you like. So it was kind of just like a hobby. And then in the year in 1999 - 2002 I started studying hypnotherapy and decided to go into it in a more serious manner, with a view to helping people. So it started out there and, it started off with a basic course in hypnotherapy and I have not stopped learning. I've been the perpetual student Aidan for the last 20 odd years and I continue to learn.
Aidan
03:33 - 03:41
You mentioned there a moment ago about your changing, your story. What, what specifically do you mean when you say that?
Susan
03:42 - 04:39
By changing my story, I suppose from as young, as, as long as I can remember, I've always struggled in particular with learning and at school. And I always thought there was something wrong with me. I was always struggling to understand or to add, and especially mathematics. I just couldn't do it. And the response I got from others, what they thought it was, it was so cute that I didn't know, it, it was, I was like the, the butt of their jokes and nobody took me seriously. And it was very frustrating for me, not to be taken seriously. So I continued, most of my childhood, struggling to learn, but, I found a way, and it's only in my later years that I actually discovered what I was doing inadvertently on my own. I found a way because I wasn't diagnosed with anything.
Susan
04:39 - 05:18
I wasn't given any labels. I was left, struggling on my own. So this is, one of the reasons I do the work I'm doing is that when people come to me, no matter what age they might come with a label or a diagnosis. And my mission is to take away that label. the diagnosis can remain within the psychiatric industry or the medical, area, but I don't do labels. So I have people to, I suppose, rewrite their own story, you know, to, to find a way that works for them.
Aidan
05:20 - 05:23
And you said you found a way and what specifically is that way
Susan
05:24 - 06:17
Well, if I were to put this in a nutshell and to sort of condense it down the way would be totally unique to each individual. and what I, in my work, what I do is I talk to my clients like it starts out like it's a friend, but I'm a professional. And I know that, my approach is a very gentle approach. It's not a very direct approach. So it sounds like I'm just having a chat, but what I'm really doing is I'm getting into their world, finding out about them. And that kind of helps me then to understand, you know, a little bit of how they're processing their thoughts and emotions. And I read, body language. It's a complete holistic approach that I use.
Aidan
06:19 - 06:30
Yes, it's, it's, it seems to me that, that it calls for tremendous overall tremendous empathy, and indeed rapport building with, with your client.
Susan
06:32 - 07:07
Exactly. That's exactly what it is. And I think, you know, all therapy, has to have some form of rapport and a understanding if the client doesn't feel that they're understood. It's one thing if they feel heard, but to feel understood is, is, is something, a lot more. I mean, you can go to your neighbour and your friend and you can offload and tell them your story and they can nod and they can sort can hear you and be there for you, but as a professional, you need to have those tools, those skills,
Aidan
07:09 - 07:24
And you, yourself, Susan, as you mentioned, you've, you've come through this, you've gone through this and you've come out the other side. You feel tremendously privileged in terms of the work that you do?
Susan
07:25 - 08:19
I do feel privileged and I'm so, so grateful for all the clients that have come to me over the last 20 years, because we learn a lot from others as well. And I suppose the struggle that they're going through, I can relate very well to it. And I kind of, help them to normalise it, but there's nothing wrong with them. We find a way, no matter what, and I don't adhere to strict rules, in the sense of how it should be done, how I don't get the client to use a particular model of therapy. I usually kind of mix up different, different therapy. It's very much like a personalized program. I suppose, if you like for the client, that they feel that, you know, it's an individual experience, unique experience for them.
Aidan
08:20 - 08:34
And what I'm getting from you Susan; you're saying that, we're not broken and we are who we are, and we just need to learn a new way of doing things a way that, that helps us. Would I be correct in saying that?
Susan
08:34 - 09:24
A hundred percent Aidan. And I agree a hundred percent we're not broken. And unfortunately, in the system, from the time when I was four or five years of age, when we started school, where we're, we're put into a little, categories and boxes, and we're taught to perform a certain way, we're taught to conform. And, if we don't conform, we can often get labeled as being a bit difficult. and that is, my own experience you know, depending on what different schools I've been to. I've been to three different convents, religious orders and, I've experienced, different approaches.
Aidan
09:26 - 09:42
Your main modality of treatment, if you want to call it, or intervention that you have/use is hypnotherapy. So what is the, in your opinion, is the biggest misconception people have about your field of expertise and hypnosis
Susan
09:42 - 10:39
Yeah. Well, what comes to mind there Aidan, the first, first and foremost is will I lose control? Will I give the control to the hypnotherapist and I know straight away by body language, people are recoiling in the chair in front of me looking at me, suspiciously terrified on the one hand, they want the help with their problem. Otherwise they wouldn't be coming to see me, but on the other hand, there's a mistrust there. And my job is to make sure that I explain very clearly to the client that a good hypnotherapist who's trained properly, not just some weekend course, but somebody who is serious about their work will, relate to their client how a good hypnotherapist would make sure that the client feels in control at all times.
Aidan
10:41 - 10:42
So they are totally in control?
Susan
10:42 - 11:28
Totally in control. They feel empowered. And, and sometimes I get clients say, oh my God, you're amazing. You're this, you're that I'd say no, that's you, you're amazing. it's like getting on a bus to go on a trip. You know, you get on the bus. If you decide you want to sit by the window for a nice view, then you'd get a nice view. You know, if it's your choice. But getting on the bus is like coming to therapy, and I'm just the driver, I will drive you to wherever you tell you want to go. And the experience that you have on the way And I try to facilitate that experience so that it's a gentle experience, but it's empowering as well that they feel that they've got something from it. There's that light bulb moment.
Aidan
11:29 - 11:39
Yeah, we briefly touched on it earlier in terms of, you know, the education system that you've come through. So, Susan, what were you like as a child?
Susan
11:40 - 12:40
As a child I would say I was very lighthearted, all with laughing. I was always known for being a little giddy goat and I growing up there was always music in our house. I went to ballet lessons and I went to the school of art and Cork and my parents, absolutely idolised the ground i walked on. And that sounds like an ideal operating. It sounds wonderful, but unfortunately the whole world didn't see me like that. So I was always told I could do anything. And my parents were always very proud of my artwork and they, you know, would bring their, their friends into the house and show them, these are, Susan's all your paintings. And, you know, Susan can do anything. So I go into the big, bad world and I'm literally like a lamb to the slaughter. I was not prepared for it, unfortunately.
Susan
12:41 - 14:02
And, a lot of it was being mocked, being laughed at, I used to go to elocution lessons and it was, Ooh, look at her and people, they were just pulling me down and I wasn't able, I didn't have the skills. I didn't have the tools. And it was, it was sad when I look back at my younger self now, cause I'm, I'm a parent and a grandparent. Now when I have insights, thank God. That's the one good thing that comes with, you know, advancing years. You, you hopefully have a little bit more wisdom than you had in your younger years. When I look back at my younger self, I don't feel sorry for her because I wouldn't be sitting here talking to, you now if I hadn't gone through what I'd gone through. So lots of, lots of lessons, there could be, I could be feeling sad about my younger self. I could be feeling angry at the way, I was treated by my peers and by, teachers who should have known better, but though that was way back in the ones from the fifties, sixties and times have changed now. But at that time there was no, there was nothing. There's no skills of how to manage your emotions, you know So I kind of, you know, it was like, I suppose, a ship with no sale. I was just drifting out to sea,
Aidan
14:03 - 14:14
And now the person you are. today Susan, if there was any piece of advice that you could give to the younger you, what would advice would that be?
Susan
14:15 - 15:47
To the younger me .Advice, I suppose, go with the flow. Whatever's meant to be is meant to be because I do a lot of spiritual work as well. I'm very passionate about, introducing spirituality into my work. And I always believe in, and there's a saying, I dunno, I said, Frederick Nietzsche, but what is not for you, won't pass you by. And I do believe that whatever I went through in my younger years, it was meant to be, because again, I look back and they say hindsight is 2020 vision. If I hadn't gone through all of that, I wouldn't be here studying about the mind and studying how to, you know, change your state from the state of depression, sadness, hopelessness, to a state of, hope and resilience and belief. And I suppose belief in myself that took me years and years to do so. I'm hoping that when I'm working with clients that I can kind of fast track them, not undermining this now or over simplifying the process, but kind of helping them, giving them the skills and tools that I didn't have because it's taken me years to get these skills. And I traveled around the world doing lots and lots of workshops and trainings because I was very passionate about not only helping myself, because it was a personal journey as well, but to help others to share my experiences and my tools with others.
Aidan
15:49 - 16:02
So Susan it seems to me that this enormous hunger within you, because you obviously knew a know deeply that there is something better, that there is a way forward. Would I correct in saying that?
Susan
16:03 - 16:55
Yes, no. In my particular circumstances, what was very interesting, what I discovered later on in life, I was struggling in the abyss with all this negativity and there was jealousy, there was anger, there was all sorts of, emotions that I was grappling with. Not, not me personally, no, but others even towards me. And I had to deal with all of this, but what I found with that when I reverted back and they said, there's no place like home. Home is where the heart is when I reverted back to my foundations and I, not everyone can say this, but my foundations were good. Initially I had the belief from my parents that I could do anything and I was a good person and I was, I never got into trouble or anything. You know, I was a good student, got my head down, did what I was told.
Susan
16:56 - 17:47
And I reverted back to that and I appreciated it. And I used gratitude as my strength. Gratitude was my strength. So if we, I say to my clients, if they don't have that foundation, then they can find it within themselves. So they may have a parent that maybe didn't understand them when they were growing up. And I would say, I would do it in one of my techniques, maybe would be, the adult parents, child from Eric Bern, you know, transaction analysis. It's one of the tools I use a lot. so I get them to connect to their inner parent or their in our child. So, you know, that's the beauty about using hypnotherapy combined with psychotherapy. Yeah. So they're doing this under hypnosis,
Aidan
17:49 - 17:53
So it's very much an eclectic, intervention you have with your clients. Yes.
Susan
17:54 - 18:03
Okay. Definitely. And whatever works, there's no one size fits all within any person. We're all so unique. Yeah.
Aidan
18:04 - 18:12
And the importance Susan of our thoughts, what's the significance of our thinking and our thoughts in your opinion?
Susan
18:13 - 19:08
Well, it talks that thoughts are things and we can change our thoughts. once we, once we recognize that we can do it, lots of people are, have thoughts going around in their head and it's like a tsunami. It's like, it's like standing in the middle of the eye of a storm and thinking I can't get out of this. And when I help my clients to understand that thoughts are just thoughts and you can just become an observer of your thoughts, stand back and look at your thoughts, let them pass by. Now. I know again, that sounds very simple, sounds simple, but there's more to it than that. I do this with using hypnosis to maybe be the Watchmen at the gate of their thoughts and stand and just observe them and watch them as a form of meditation as well. And there's different names.
Susan
19:08 - 20:07
Some people would say, well, that's just meditation, but the it's more hypnosis is, hypnosis is just a way of, of creating that altered state of awareness, bypassing that, that critical part of our mind so that we can relax and allow, our subconscious mind, our emotional feeling mind to come to the fore. And so, yes, when you talk about the thoughts, it's about looking at them. And again, there's another process of evaluating the thoughts. So it's a little bit of CBT cognitive behavioral therapy there, coming in. So you are using a scale to measure, you know, or another technique, is that thought true? How do you know it's true? You know, what would your life be like if it wasn't ? So we're using NLP neuro-linguistic programming as well. So it's like a big, giant toolbox Aidan.
Aidan
20:07 - 20:24
Yeah. And we probably have Susan in our brain. Our mind is probably the most powerful computer, you know, that was ever, ever created. If you want to call it that. But yet we weren't born with any manual how to run it.
Susan
20:25 - 20:53
That's true. That's true. It's but you know, what's great about this Aidan , is that, do you know, did you ever have, buy an item that it comes with a manual, but then there's another item you buy and you don't need any manual. You just, it just, you got an automatic download when it's like, when you said there about, we don't get a manual, where am I now Where am I going over this one I, what was that You said,
Aidan
20:54 - 20:57
We, we were born with this powerful computer. Oh
Susan
20:57 - 21:32
Yes. This is where I was going. Sorry. Now that I'm thinking of Google. So if you, and I often say this to clients, I'd say, what do you do Do not think of the pink elephant. The, and I could see the smile on their face. So I said, tell me how long that took for you to imagine that. And they'd say an opposite instant ,a second. And I often say to them, when that is faster than Google, if you sit at your computer and you have to type in a word and you wait for Google to come up with the answer, it's, it's more than a second. So, and then you might not be want what
Susan
21:32 - 22:01
comes up, so, you know, or what you want, but our brains, you know, people don't realize this, our brains are super, super, super powerful. We just need to know how to harness that power. We need to know, you know, in the work that we do. and me in particular, I liked to teach people. I like to have a bit of fun as well with it. I like to do little experiments too, for the client to see how fast their brains can work.
Aidan
22:03 - 22:18
Absolutely. And, I was going to ask a question. There is my mind's gone blank. what, since you are doing all this, you know, intervention and work with your clients, who do you go to Susan when you need someone to talk to?
Susan
22:19 - 23:59
Yes, I have my supervisor that I, this is my clinical supervisor that I use because I'm, as I say, I've been working for over 20 years now and I do get, what's called as a, a countertransference. Now I understand that countertransference is where the clients might trigger me or trigger something in me. And when I get an emotional reaction to it, then that indicates to me that I need to look further into this and maybe go to my supervisor and, and, you know, take care of it. so yes, I'd be very mindful of that. Now also, as well as talking it out with my supervisor, I would always use, a grounding technique that I use. It might be just earthing myself. maybe standing in the back garden, touching the earth and grounding. So, meditation, there's lots of different tools that I have in my toolbox for that. And I do a lot of, outdoor stuff like cycling and walking in nature. So I do believe in the power of nature as well. And I swim as well. So I try to keep myself, I keep myself active and even, even cooking, even just cooking a healthy meal, chopping up the vegetables and stuff. I never have the TV on, or I don't have the radio on, in the background. I don't like outside noise. I just sit there with my thoughts, chopping the vegetables, making a nice, healthy food for myself
Aidan
23:60 - 24:01
And element of mindfulness
Susan
24:02 - 24:08
And mindfulness. You don't have to be sitting in, in the ideal location for mindfulness, you know, even doing the ironing
Susan
24:08 - 24:16
is a form of mindfulness there's to make it easy, to make it easy for people, but it's, it's doable.
Aidan
24:17 - 25:04
Yeah. And this, what what we're talking about now, it erases the whole point of, you know, having mental, proper, healthy, mental health. If you want to call it that, in other words, that the therapist is not, you know, immune, to being effected by what, what, what they're presented with. So you raise the whole concept, Susan of health being healthy, and the therapist being in such a workplace that they are able to have that time because when the therapist is not, you know, au fait or a not a hundred percent, the way that they could be or should be there really shouldn't be seeing clients. Would I be right in saying that?
Susan
25:04 - 25:60
Yes, a hundred percent, Aidan, yes, you, you have to be in a good place. I've often had clients. if they're in a bad place and they're crying and some of them might start swearing and then apologize to me for swearing and because they're so frustrated with their problem. And I often say, don't apologize to me because if I get offended, then I need therapies and it usually makes them laugh. And it breaks that kind of feeling of shame or guilt on the part of the client when they get embarrassed about, being themselves, I suppose, having a rant, having, offloading or shouting or that's okay, I'm fine with all of that. And I would hold the space for them. And I often say that to clients. If I, if I don't go to, for my swim, sometimes I do it in between clients.
Susan
25:60 - 26:33
If I have time, I go for a swim, put my head under the water. I meditate in the pool and I'm ready then. And I'm gearing myself up for that for the next client. So that there's a clear space. And it's a, I often do to rituals. Like I might change my clothes, change a jacket, change my colour, the colour of what I'm wearing. I tune in sometimes to the client, if I'm working with children in particular, I often wear a bright colors depending on who's in front of me. So it's very much intuitive approach that I use with my client.
Aidan
26:35 - 26:41
Yeah. And all about communicating in the same sense that what a nonverbal communication as well.
Susan
26:41 - 27:53
Yes. The nonverbal is so important. And I often say to clients, it's body language is 55%. So it's, as soon as I opened the door to my client, I can tell. And we judge people in the first couple of seconds when we meet somebody and I can tell, and I usually have a smile. I wear a smile. And, the smile is always it's, you know, it costs nothing. And, I always have something nice to say or just to make them feel at ease and offer them a glass of water. If you'd like even a drink, if they've come a long distance, I, I, you know, make sure they're safe. And if sometimes if they bring somebody with them, maybe a parent or a sibling, I'd say, give me, give me two minutes. I'm going to make sure your dad is comfortable. And I might bring him the dad in a cup of tea and put on the TV for him and make sure he settled. And then I come into the client and say, now dad's happy now let's, let's take care of you. And they usually laugh. They're delighted that their dad is happy now because they've come maybe two hour journey. so it's an all around an all rounder experience that everybody's okay.
Aidan
27:54 - 28:11
And you mentioned there about, you know, the importance of laughter and laughter is so important. And, but coming back now to you as it were, or you've recently published a book, and it's, mind your thoughts tell us that the, the subtitle what's, the subtext
Susan
28:11 - 28:16
Subtitle is they could be more powerful than you think.
Aidan
28:16 - 28:33
Oh, sorry. Yeah. Sorry. So your thoughts could be more powerful than, than you think. Yes. This, this is a collection of short stories, showcasing how even our darkest emotions can be overcome. So what motivated you to to write this book?
Susan
28:33 - 29:47
The book, I feel that it's for, because I've been consulted by so many different, people and different topics. I, I decided to, I would highlight some of the, the most often, you know, the ones that crop up more, most often would be, you know, phobias fears, anger, management, shame, guilt, and abuse. One of the topics I covered was gaslighting. A lot of people don't know what that is. So I covered it in my story, is when, how, you know, you're being gaslighted as if, the other person causes the problem, and then it turns the whole thing back on you. and then you start questioning your sanity. Maybe you are at fault when you, when you're not, or you're not being heard. things are twisted around, so you get confused and you think, you think you're going mad. So I'm just not sure which story I covered that one and now, but,
Aidan
29:48 - 30:20
Yeah, but you mentioned in your book about the, you know, the universal law of physics, where, where focus goes energy flows. So that's, that's an important thing. So the book is composed of, and correct me if I'm wrong of a number of, of stories. And, you know, we briefly mentioned earlier on about, you know, changing your story and the power of power of story. And so maybe just maybe touch on a number of the stories that you have in your book.
Susan
30:20 - 31:23
Well, so first of all, I dedicated the book to my mother because I believe that a lot of my traits, I suppose, my positive traits I got from her, and she was always very lighthearted and she was always telling me stories. And I used to love sitting there listening to the stories about her mother and, and her mother's siblings and all the funny things that happened. And I was always fascinated because she was highly entertaining and she loved the arts and music. So I, found myself in a role of an end of life, care giving, with my mother and, all of my siblings, we got together and we kept her at home, right to the end. So, she had dementia, so it was years of my life that I dedicated to her. So I made some sacrifices, with my own children and grandchildren to give that time to my mother in her final years, but I made the best of it.
Susan
31:23 - 32:25
And it was a challenging experience for me personally, but it was also a very rewarding something I will never regret. it was very enriching to me, not just personally, but also as a therapist, working with, clients who are bereaved and who have lost, loved ones, I would be there. So I went on and I did, my Master's in Counseling and Psychotherapy, and I specialize in existential psychotherapy, which is all about when you, when you feel that your whole world is falling apart and you feel that there is no hope and, life is meaningless and you're in despair. So that's what I wanted to do. So I did some voluntary work at Marymont Hospice here in cork, and I volunteered in the art center for the, for the dying. And I helped out with the art classes and I made it fun.
Susan
32:26 - 33:27
And so that was a very nice experience. And then they put me on the helpline for, the bereaved as a psychotherapist to support people going through this. So all of this helped me to, you know, as I said, I did my thesis on the lived experience of the caregiver and end-of-life care. I wanted to study. What makes somebody a caregiver, when, when, when they're helping somebody who's, you know, in their final stages of life. So I found out there was a common team and a lot of the caregivers, most of them focused on the patient. And my study was on the caregiver, the patient, my, obviously not the patient. my study was on the caregiver and how they minded themselves. And you know, what the experience meant for them looking after somebody in end of life care.
Susan
33:28 - 34:35
So it was so interesting. And there were these, these, a lot of the people I interviewed were, were doing it for many, many years, and they were scratching their head at the end of my interview. And they said, I said, this is about you. And they said, well, no, no, no, no, it's not. It's not about me. It's not about me. It's about the patient. I said, well, no, my study is about you. And they, they said, oh gosh, you've got to give me something to think about now. And this is what you were talking to me about earlier Aidan, supervision is so important because it's about minding yourself when you're a caregiver. So that story I wrote on my mother was thanks for the memories, because that was something she always used to say, when she'd bring me to the front door and wave goodbye to me after spending a few hours with her. " Bye now, and thanks for the memories " and that, the, thing I put under her story was, to my mother, Angela, Mary Louise Hurton McElligott you rared winners because she always, she was always very proud of all of us, even if we passed an exam by rared winners.
Susan
34:36 - 34:38
So I was just her, her tone of voice even. Yeah.
Aidan
34:39 - 34:42
So it's something, it's an, it's an abiding memory you will always have.
Susan
34:42 - 34:44
Yes. So what I bet, I
Aidan
34:44 - 34:45
Bet you can see,
Susan
34:46 - 35:35
She was hilarious. She would answer the front door with a lace cloth on her head and she'd curtsy cause she loved to upstairs, downstairs, and she pretended she was one of the maids. And she'd curtsy to see when I, when she'd opened the door to me and start singing. So we always had music in the house and fun. but yes. So what I did with, because as an end of life care, I, and it was from my perspective, I mentioned how my siblings would have their own perspective. So I wrote about, my challenges in, in looking after her, but also, the meaningful experience from an existential perspective, meaningful experience. So that, with that story, I covered that for people who have lost loved ones.
Aidan
35:36 - 36:05
You raise a question in my mind, and just listening to you and that the importance of meaning in our lives and the importantance, not only the importance of meaning, but the importance are how we actually apply meaning to maybe events in our lives. And that could be, you know, just nondescript events, but just events and the, and the meaning that we give to those events. Maybe you just comment on that if you, if you, if you might be.
Susan
36:06 - 37:13
And I think as a therapist as well, I always say, this is my job to, maybe lead the client to a place where they can find that meaning. So they come to me and I always say, you know, coming to me with the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, you have the answer within yourself. It is your jigsaw puzzle, not mine, but I would be there and I would put every piece in front of you. So you can see that picture growing. And that's, some people don't think of it. They could be raring children at home and, oh, you know, it's been so difficult for them, but I'd say, gosh, you are amazing. You, you were resilient, you made sure your children's lunches were there. Their uniforms were ready. And even though you'd lost your husband at a young age, but he look at you only for you, you're the glue that keeps the family together. And so they don't think of themselves that way. So it's my job to get them to, it's like holding the mirror up to themselves and to acknowledge that they do have strengths that they probably didn't even know about.
Aidan
37:13 - 37:35
Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Very good point. now you, you have a number of stories in your book and, you, you also demonstrate in your book how it is possible to become unstuck, to rewire your thoughts and experience complete contentment. Maybe could you develop that point for us
Susan
37:36 - 38:30
Yes. That is possible. And everything is to do with perception. How we it's, it's like taking off the, or putting on the rose tinted glasses. If you like, sometimes people are looking through foggy glasses and they can't see anything. so I often use that analogy, but, there was one story actually I covered in the book it's either me or the dog and this particular lady. Now she did give me full permission. She told me I could even use her real name and she would be so proud to be in my book, but she came to me and I, she had a 40 year phobia of dogs and she was 46 years of age. And she was literally trembling when she came to see me. But what had happened was her husband went away and bought a dog without telling her. And she came in from work one day and saw this little thing out of the corner of her eye, like a little rat.
Susan
38:30 - 39:25
He was a little, little fellow and she screamed and she was shaking and she couldn't believe her husband did this. So to her, that was a form of betrayal. And her daughters were in on the act as well. And she felt the whole family were against her. So for three months, she refused to, do the housework, do the cooking. She stayed in her room. and nobody was talking to anybody. Everybody was on, they chose around her non-verbal communication. There was, but her family was falling apart. And there were a lovely family there. All her marriage was excellent and she had great relationship with everybody, but, and she was a lovely, bubbly character. And she laughed into my face and she said, Susan, she said, this is ridiculous. a 46 year old woman like me. She said, you know, screaming and shaking and all of us.
Susan
39:26 - 40:16
So anyway, I, don't even mean not allowed to say the word cure, but she used that word to me. You cured to me in one session and that was a 40year phobia. And what happened is, how I did this, was I under hypnosis. I went right back. I regressed her back to age six. She said she was attacked by a dog when she was six coming home from brownies. You know, and I, you know, brown, when you start, you come home from brownies, but our friend one day, and this Labrador dog minding his own business, basking in the sun and she got it into her head at this dog is going to attack me ,all her own thoughts. And sure enough, the dog just wondered over a big labrador Slob came over and put his paws up on her shoulders.
Susan
40:17 - 41:34
And she was convinced she was attacked. But under hypnosis, I got down tothe minute details of that incident and what, what was very interesting here Aidan was that when we broke it down, the dog had merely put his paws on her shoulder and pulled the bobble off her hat. Thats all, pulled her hat off her head, nothing else, the friend shooed him away, but here's the crux of the whole thing. She expected her parents to comfort her when she got home in front of her friend who saved her. But instead, her dad in his innocence and his intention was good. And she had a good relationship with her dad, but he turned around and he said, go where you big eejit, sure he wouldn't touch you in a typical Cork accent. Go way ya big eejit, she was mortified in front of her friend because the friend thought she'd get a load of hugs. So he was doing his best, but she felt unheard. She felt dismissed. The very thing that her husband made her feel. Isn't that interesting.
Aidan
41:34 - 42:13
Interesting. You know, it raises the whole point of that. The importance of being listened to, you know, being surely listened to, in terms of what are we actually saying What are we trying to communicate And oftentimes, without going off on a tangent language and oftentimes is insufficient in order to fully communicate, you know what It is deep down that we, we want to say, you know, or express, but you mentioned one point that comes out of your book is that there is, there's, there's a message of hope and resilience.
Susan
42:14 - 43:14
Yes. Hope and resilience now in, so hoping resilience and this, this is covered in a lot of other stories as well. the reason I told the stories is because it's kind of, it's relatable. A lot of people will find it relatable to their own situation maybe. And I wanted to tell it, you know, and in a storytelling format to make it, such that, people can say, oh, what if this happened to this person And when maybe there's a possibility that I could start thinking differently about this. Now, going back to that story there, I mentioned earlier, it's either me or the dog, how I helped that that lady, under hypnosis. I did a thing. And we learned it ourselves, Aidan, it's called the dissociation and association. So I got her to dissociate from the dog that she was terrified of.
Susan
43:14 - 44:07
And I got her to, now - this is interesting. I got her to switch places with the dog and I got her to associated to the dog's energy. And I got her to pretend she was the dog. And then she was laughing so hard because I put on a, I sounded like a ventriloquist. now, but I put on a squeaky voice and I pretended I was the dog voice. So using my tonality, cause tonality is 38%. And I was using that modality of voice tone to shock her, I suppose, out of her phobia. And she was laughing so hard. I cranked it up then and I got even more ridiculous. And, you know, you know, talking about from the dog's perspective, you brought me into this home and all I know you're doing is screaming at me and I'm only such a little thing.
Susan
44:07 - 45:08
And you know, I don't cause much trouble and I don't need much maintenance. And she just, she was laughing so hard. Now this is what broke the circuit in her brain of that association of fear to the dog. So this, these again are our tools and techniques. Now going back to resilience, resilience, again, it's a word, but it's also a very powerful, sort of, trait to have, or to develop. I think you have to develop it . I know life experience can cause you to develop resilience, but that could take years and years. So through my work, I, again, as I said earlier, would highlight the strengths. If it's a woman making lunches for her children, I would say, look what you're doing. You're, you know, look at the support and it's getting people to see that they have something of value. Yeah.
Aidan
45:08 - 45:18
Yeah. That's really important, I think. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Are there any other stories there that, you'd like to share with us
Susan
45:19 - 46:26
I have, yes. I was looking at it right here and just thinking now there was one. I called it Bonjour Karma and it was about my French teacher and she bullied me in school and I was only do my leaving, aged, 16 or 17. And I went to Spain as an au-pair for four months and I came back fluent in Spanish and I was always her favorite pupil. I was good at languages and she always referred to me for the French pronunciation to show the class how it's said. But when she asked me this time, after coming back from Spain to say something in French, I said it with a Spanish accent and she was not impressed with me at all. So I was her worst. I was her biggest disappointment. So she had it in for me after that and she bullied me. So I wrote about it anyway, the incident, but the main purpose of writing that story was to show and I call it Bonjour Karma because it was a Karma experience for her, and me too, I think.
Susan
46:26 - 47:33
But, I met her 40 years later out in Lanzarote. She didn't know who I was. But when I was 17, she asked me a question. And then she said, oh, you were always a difficult pupil any way. She said that in front of the whole class. And I was so studious as I was always wanted to be the good girl. And for her, I never forgot that experience, that, that, that sentence at 17 years of age. But as I say, 40 years later, and I saw her and she - cutting a long story short, without giving away too much of the story, we ended up having, after dinner drinks with her. and she had a very difficult to granddaughter and she wanted to know, because my husband told her what I did for a living. Would you help my granddaughter She's 17. I, my daughter's heart is broken from her. She's a very difficult 17 year old. Could you help her She still didn't know who I was and I helped her granddaughter. And this day she doesn't know that it was me.
Aidan
47:33 - 47:36
It's amazing how the tables turn. Isn't it?
Susan
47:36 - 48:31
So at the end of it , it was forgiveness, I spoke about the lessons. you know, you don't need to be in a classroom to learn any lessons that life would teach you so many lessons. And yeah, I learned lessons there and it wasn't certainly it wasn't French lessons. But it was a lesson of forgiveness because I had moved on. And then I had hoped her, her granddaughter, which is interesting. I have other stories as one trichotillomania, which is putting your hair out. Yeah. That one was a student. Lovely, lovely girl. Mum brought her to me and she had some bald patches on her head. And she had taken her to a week clinic to get her fitted with a wig because she was embarrassed with her bald patches. But the girl was lovely. Softly spoken, mum was the same. And I, she wasn't telling me anything.
Susan
48:32 - 49:50
And she was asking mum to speak on her behalf. And what was interesting. I think it was the second session when they brought her little brother with her, he was about seven and I sent the brother into the waiting room and put on the TV for him . A lovely kid, but what interests me, what had happened was the, she was trying to do some study and, he kept bursting into her room with paper airplanes and, you know, fool acting. And, she kept telling him to get out and he wouldn't get out. And she called the parents and they weren't listening or leave him alone. He's already small leave them alone. And with the frustration of trying to study, trying to concentrate and nobody listening to her again, nobody taking her seriously. She started pulling her hair and frustration until she would pull it until she would feel the pain and feel the blood and see the bunches of hair and the palms of her hands. And it became an unconscious habit. She didn't realize she was doing it. So I had to, that was a very interesting case, but it was resolved. when we, when we got mum to sit up and listen to her, cause even when I brought them into the office afterwards, mum was still laughing at the little fellow being so cute and so funny. But she hadn't really noticed the effect it had on her daughter.
Aidan
49:51 - 49:58
Yeah. Your book, Susan, mind your thoughts. okay. Sorry. I can't think of what's the, what's the subtitle
Susan
49:58 - 49:60
Powerful then you think
Aidan
50:00 - 50:03
Yeah. did you enjoy writing it?
Susan
50:04 - 51:18
It was a labour of love. I was, yes, that's almost an understatement enjoy. It was, it was so, challenging for me, but in many ways, good and bad It there's no such thing as good and bad. I don't like even using those words, but it was, it was very, very challenging when I was writing this. And then I would feel I did it intuitively as well, Aidan, when I would feel even the part I wrote about my mother, who she died at 89 years. I didn't, I felt funny. I didn't know. I couldn't even explain it. I got up from my office chair and I went into my back garden and, and stood there and I grounded myself and I thought, there's something not right about this. I don't know what it is. And I did some meditation around it. And then I came back and I thought, I've got it. I've got it. I tuned into my mother's energy. And she would, she would, she was very posh. My mother, she would not have wanted me to write down that. So I came back. I said, okay, mother, I hear you. Okay. And I wrote down, she lived on this earth for 89 years.
Aidan
51:19 - 51:25
That's a wonderful testimony. The book is available everywhere. Where can we get the book?
Susan
51:26 - 51:44
Right now it's available on amazon.co.uk or all the Amazon sites. I ended the process of uploading it to another site IngramSpark, which it would be available in bookstores as well. But for now it's been live on Amazon or my go to have it available in my office as well with when people come to see,
Aidan
51:45 - 51:48
So Susan, are you ever going to retire?
Susan
51:48 - 52:32
One, one word, never as long as I, as long as I can keep talking. And I have in the 20 years I've been working here and I had a leg injury recently and I would get along on a crutch. And I often say, if I can open my mouth and speak, and if I got my faculties from the neck up then, and I can help somebody, by whatever words I say to somebody. And words are so powerful. This is what I wanted to highlight in the book as well. You know, mind your thoughts, you know, words are so powerful. And once I can talk and tell people, yes, I will continue. There's no date on this. As long as I can do it. And it's,
Aidan
52:34 - 52:36
How can we contact you?
Susan
52:36 - 53:06
You, what I, you can contact me through my website. it's www.susanmcelligott.com. I'm based in Carrigaline. So my website is also www.carrigalinehypnotherapy.com. And I also have a video therapy, www.viditherapy and it's on Instagram. So anybody that wants to do a virtual consultation, through zoom or even over the telephone, if you're coming from long distance, I can facilitate that as well.
Aidan
53:07 - 53:09
Right So that's online
Susan
53:09 - 53:15
And my phone number and all my details are on my website as well.
Aidan
53:16 - 53:47
Well, that was Susan McElligott, hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, Carrigaline in County Cork. Susan, thank you so much. I really enjoyed today's conversation.And the feeling is mutual. Aidan. Thank you very much. Thank you for joining me once again, you know, you want to make positive, beneficial change in your life, and yet you may not have the know-how discover right now, how You Too can start that change process and immediately reap the benefits through ethical hypnotherapy. Thank you until next time.