The Traumatic Journey: A Mark Surrogacy Surrogate's Story

A DM match, a parking‑lot handshake, and a transfer day “gift” in cash—then silence. Hallie joins us to share how a seemingly straightforward surrogacy journey morphed into a tangle of red flags: minimal medical clearance, a contract fight over termination language, a hard push to keep escrow with the intended parents’ attorney, and months with the agency acting as the only conduit to the family. When a July email warned that the matching entity was tied to an ongoing investigation and that a pre‑birth order might not arrive before delivery, everything shifted. We talk through the panic, the legal limbo, and the practical fallout when escrow funds stop and medical bills don’t.

We walk step‑by‑step through the choices that helped Hallie hold the line—why third‑party escrow mattered, how to frame non‑negotiables, and what to look for in termination clauses and monitoring protocols. She also shares the human side: taking her grandmother to transfer, the shock of contradictory family details revealed minutes before the procedure, and the eerie quiet that followed. This isn’t fear‑mongering; it’s a candid look at how trust, transparency, and process protect everyone in surrogacy—surrogates, intended parents, and the child.

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate or building your family through surrogacy, you’ll find practical safeguards you can use today: identity‑verified matching (not DMs), evidence‑based medical screening at the transfer clinic, specialized attorneys on both sides, independent and adequately funded escrow, and a written communication plan. We end by pausing at 36 weeks, with part two on the way—covering the pre‑birth order scramble, hospital planning, and what to do when professionals say “we don’t know.”

If this conversation helps you or someone you love, subscribe, share it with a friend, and leave a review with the safeguard you wish every journey used. Your stories and questions are welcome on Instagram and email—we’re listening.

https://stopsitsurrogate.com

Transcript

Welcome & Agency Update

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome! We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world, and we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop Sit Surrogate. Hey everyone, if you ever thought about becoming a surrogate, I want to share something with you. Stopsit Surrogate is now a matching and referral agency that helps guide you through the very first steps of your journey. We'll walk with you until you're matched and connected with a trusted agency that supports you all the way through. It's such a meaningful process, and knowing you're not alone makes a huge difference. So if you're curious about surrogacy or ready to take that first step, check us out at stopsitsurrogate.com. Hi everybody, welcome back to Stopsit Surrogate. Today we have another Mark Srorogacy surrogate. I'm going to let her introduce herself. So go ahead and take it away.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Hi, my name is Haley. Um, as Kennedy said, I am one of those Mark Srorogacy surrogates, and I delivered Syrobabe August 14th, 2025.

SPEAKER_03 1:17

I also kind of want to backpedal, and I hate the fact that I just listed you as like a Mark surrogacy surrogate. I hate that that's a term now. Like this is Haley, a wonderful person who I've talked to like for a long time now.

SPEAKER_02 1:31

We are labeled Mark surrogacy surrogates now. This uh it's a whole trademark, not in a good way either.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

No, it's not. It's so wild, and there's just more information coming out and out, but we'll we'll get into that later. But um okay, so I'm just gonna ask you the basic question on how you found out about surrogacy to begin with.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Um, so I actually heard about surrogacy quite a while ago. I worked with a chiropractor, and she was telling me a little bit about her kind of like life journey, and she told me that she did surrogacy twice and just really loved it. She had two beautiful journeys, and um, she kind of kept up with the babies and their families. Um, and it was just kind of inspiring to see um a woman that was just really powerful um doing that, and I was like, that is so cool. I didn't have any children at the time, so I was kind of like, I'm kind of terrified to get pregnant and deliver a baby though. So that's awesome. But um, you know, I wasn't sure if that was um gonna be for me, but you know, uh turned out it was amazing.

Researching Agencies and Red Flags

SPEAKER_03 2:49

So so you okay, so then you had that conversation, and then how many years later would you say you had your you have a you you have a child of your own?

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Yeah, um I had been researching egg donation for a long, long time. And after I had my daughter, I just fell in love with pregnancy and childbirth so much that like literally right after my daughter came out, I got this almost like high or euphor euphoria feeling. And I was just like, I have to do this again. Um, there was no ifs, ands, buts about it. I just maybe the adrenaline, that's what it was. It just kicked in, and I was like, oh my God, that was just the best experience of my life. And you know, I was up showering, um, getting back to normal within an hour after delivering her. And so then I ended up doing some egg donations, and I did three of those and was like, you know, I think I'm done with egg donation. Um maybe let's explore surrogacy. And so I talked with a bunch of different agencies.

SPEAKER_03 3:59

Okay. So you so you did all this research on agencies and things. Um, so then when you decided to like speak to them or go towards them, because I mean, we've talked a lot. So like I know that you did your research. I know that you've like, it wasn't like a hey, I'm gonna sign up and be a surrogate type thing. Yeah. Um, which is why it's more mind-blowing, right? Because like you're you're an educated person. Like, this isn't even on you. You you know what I mean? Like this was just what yeah, what wildness. Because that is the the annoying thing out there, the infuriating thing that a lot of people are saying, which I'm sure you've heard of things.

The DM Match and Compensation Negotiations

SPEAKER_02 4:38

I mean, I I I really did a lot of research. I was really active in all of the groups on Facebook and um and just I read so much information, and I I wrote all of the agencies down that I researched or talked to or explored some way, somehow. And I think it was probably about five to eight different agencies that I somehow um explored in some way. And I almost went forward with one of them. You know, they were even like showing me intended parents profiles and stuff like that. And I was just like, I don't feel like this in my heart is the right time um to do this. And so I was like, you know, it's just it's not the right time. I I can't do this yet. And they were very understanding and were like, all right, no worries, let me know when you are. I was like, all right. And um, I had started talking a couple months later, I started talking to an intended parent from Texas that I just fell in love with her story. And I I was pretty like dung-ho on caring for her. Um, and then we got to know each other and we'd send pictures back and forth of hobbies and just all kinds of stuff. And um, somebody offered to carry for her, and I was kind of like, oh my gosh, that that's you know, kind of a total letdown. Like I was really happy for her, you know, but at the same time, you know, I really had kind of like my heart set on caring for her um and her husband. And I just kind of was like, well, let me go back to the agencies um because when I was kind of getting connected to her, I was trying to find uh um an indie circuit journey. And but whenever that fell through, it just kind of made me not not want so much of the emotional piece to it, just in case something went wrong. Okay, um, somewhere down along the lines. And so I just kind of like um started exploring um all of the agencies again, and I was still pretty active in the groups, and Mark Surgacy had reached out to me via Facebook, and um they were just like, hello, I saw your post that you're interested in becoming a surrogate. I'm currently working with um a Chinese couple located in Los Angeles, they're seeking to find a surrogate to have a baby for them ASAP. Would you be open to talk more about that? Um and that was February 27th of 2024.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

Oh, of 2024, so that was like a year and a half ago. Yeah. Okay. Wow. So they just they just saw your posts, DM'd you, and you DM'd back and said that you were interested in to like finding out more.

SPEAKER_02 7:29

Yeah, pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 7:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:31

Um I was like, yeah, I would be interested in in talking some more.

SPEAKER_00 7:35

Sure.

SPEAKER_02 7:36

Um, I don't know like how much time had passed, but then um March 4th is when um they had sent me the intended parents profile. Um and I think that's quick. Yeah, it was. Well, I think before they sent me the profile, they had actually sent me a compensation outline sheet.

SPEAKER_05 7:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

And I was pretty much like kind of gave them feedback and wanted to schedule an appointment to go over like the details and what I wanted to change, basically. Um so they were just like, thanks for the feedback. Um, let's schedule some time to go over the details. And then right after that, they sent the profile, and they were just this is the IP profile. If everything looks okay with you, please let us know. Um, and they said when let us know when would be a good time to do a phone interview. Um, and so I did, and we jumped on the phone and um kind of hashed out all the compensation type requests that I had.

SPEAKER_03 8:45

Um you physically spoke to someone.

SPEAKER_02 8:52

Yes, we spoke on the phone. Um, and I remember that conversation um because I had just moved shortly after or shortly before um we had that phone call. Um, and I think it was two or three ladies on the phone. I know it was at least two. Wow. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Um people on a phone call with you.

SPEAKER_02 9:15

Yeah, I know it one of their names was Andrea, and then the other one may have been either Jasmine or Sylvia. I did obviously I didn't know if it was uh Sylvia the intended mom or oh Sylvia it was. Um interesting. Yeah. Interesting.

SPEAKER_03 9:34

Yeah. Okay. So you you hash it all out on the phone and it all it all goes in your favor?

Contracts, Boundaries, and Non‑Negotiables

SPEAKER_02 9:40

Um, yeah, I mean, I think that from both sides we compromised on certain things. Okay. Um, you know, I wanted a higher twin compensation and um maternity loss wages and um reasonable things. Yeah, it was all reasonable things, but I did change a lot. Um I I know I I had sent probably a list of maybe like eight to ten changes that I wanted. Um, and that's that's when they were like, thanks for the feedback. Let's schedule a time to go over it and discuss it more in detail. I um and see that's how you know that you did your research. Yeah, exactly. Like it was there was a lot of a lot of things that I was very adamant on. And that's really thanks to just the surrogacy community in general, making sure that, you know, in the groups, people are sharing information. Um, and I've seen a lot of stuff that some surrogates said they wish they would have done or they did do and were so thankful. Um, and even intended parents, um, you know, chime in on those um Facebook groups too. So I took a little bit from like a lot of different people and um kind of wanted it to be curated to what I felt that I needed.

SPEAKER_03 10:58

Which is how it should be, right? Like not obviously not just how a surrogate needs, but both sides, like both parties. I feel like a lot of these contracts come very standard and like they're kind of just like the basic of everything, and some of it's it's not it's not a one size fits all.

SPEAKER_02 11:15

It's not no, it's it's not completely. And if there's something that as a intended parent or a surrogate that you feel like you need or want through such an involved journey, then you need to speak up and and really determine if that's something you're willing to compromise on versus not compromise on. Because there's some things that I just was not gonna compromise, and then other things was like, yeah, okay, no problem.

SPEAKER_05 11:41

Right.

SPEAKER_02 11:42

Um, and so whenever I jumped on the phone with Mark Surgacy and discussed all of these things, you know, we there was compromise on both sides. It wasn't, you know, it wasn't me being super picky and like, no, I have to have this. No, it wasn't like that at all. There were definitely things that I compromised to, but it was very reasonable. Um, and so that it made me feel kind of good, you know, because I know that there's some agencies and some intended parents and some surrogates that are really, really hard pressed on certain things and some things, hey, you know, that's good, but you know, some of the smaller stuff, you know, which one would you rather? Type of type of thing.

SPEAKER_03 12:23

Right. Like I remember like a silly one looking back at it, which I like fought for a minute, and then I was like, okay, whatever was like you have to wear a mask when you get your mail nails done. And I was like, what? That is right so weird. But and I was like, why, that's like random. And then I was like, okay, fine, whatever. Like, I'm not gonna fight you on that. Like, I'll wear a mask. Like, it's like I just won't go get my nails done.

SPEAKER_02 12:43

There you go. There you go. And that was actually in my contracts, that was um one of the things is that they were kind of pushing for that I wasn't going to get my nails done, I wouldn't get my hair done, I wouldn't be around any kind of like chemical in general. Um, and that was something that I was pretty hard pressed on. Cause if I wanted to go get my nails done, I need to go get them done as part of my self-care as a woman.

SPEAKER_05 13:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Um, you know, it makes us feel womanly. Um so, you know, we just got it changed to, you know, with the approval of the OBGYN or something like that.

Escrow Fight and Legal Pushback

SPEAKER_03 13:23

And so yeah, just this little things can be figured out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, all those little things. All those little things. Okay, so you um you meet this coup. So how do you meet this couple? Like, is it in another phone call or like do you like see any like face-to-face like on a Zoom?

SPEAKER_02 13:45

Um, so no, uh, we didn't have any type of match meeting. It was literally, here's the intended parents profile. Tell me if it looks okay. And yeah, like it looked, it looked great. Um, you know, they told me they had a three-year-old daughter. I also had a three-year-old daughter at the time. Their profile listed that their daughter would love to become a big sister, and my daughter really wanted to be a big sister, coincidentally. Um, you know, I was pretty much like, no, I don't want any more kids. Um, it's it's too much. And I was really content and happy with my daughter. Um and so yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:31

Okay, so you don't that's so wild. Okay, so you just read their profile and you're like, yep, I like them. And they supposedly read your profile and they're like, yep, we like her. And now you get like a message saying, Okay, you're officially matched, now we're moving on to like medical clearance.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

Yeah, I mean, it was kind of like that. I did mention a couple of times, you know, when are we gonna do a you know, match meeting for me to talk to the intended parents? Um, I would like to just, you know, kind of see them face to face some way. Um and trying to get it scheduled was a hassle between their schedule, the time zone difference, and my schedule. And so it was just kind of, oh, the scheduling is too complicated. Um, we'll try again. And then it was the same. And then it finally just kind of got to the point where I was kind of like, well, I want to meet them one way or another, like eventually. And they're like, You can meet them when you come out to California. And I was like, Oh, okay. Well, that sounds kind of good. Um, you know, I I kind of wanted a bit more of a private journey, anyways, to you know, kind of keep the emotional part out of it. Um I had prepared myself pretty extensively for you know, just to not get too attached and um stuff like that. So it was okay for me to to to not have the match meet, to be honest. Um I was looking forward to meeting them when I came to California and you know, we would talk about whatever we needed to talk about then for the transfer. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 16:14

Okay. So you had a monitoring clinic by you. Okay, so when you came, okay, so how did medical clearance work then? Did you come to California for medical clearance or did you get to do that in your home state?

No Match Meeting and Minimal Medical Clearance

SPEAKER_02 16:25

You know, so that was kind of odd because I was under the impression that and I, you know, had researched a little bit more, you know, like you typically do some kind of uterine check and stuff like that. And um we didn't do that. I just went to my O VGYN and told them, hey, I'm thinking about doing surrogacy. Can you fill these papers out for me um to send to the agency? And they were like, Yeah, okay. Um, yeah, you'd be a great candidate. Um, and that was kind of it. Oh, wow. Yeah, and so it was just kind of it was a little odd. Um, it wasn't exactly the the road to transfer that I thought because the medical clearance wasn't super involved. Um, I really just kind of handled, you know, making sure I had an updated pap smear and getting my OBGYN's clearance, and that was kind of it. And then my OB office um sent all of my medical records over to the fertility clinic in California. And then they took a couple of days to look over it and they're like, Yeah, okay, you're cleared. Woo-hoo. Um, now time for contracts. No way. Yeah. Um, and so I was kind of interesting. Yeah, I was kind of shocked. Um, and I've heard about those tests not being done, and later on, there, you know, people have gone to do second journeys, and oh well, now we need to remove this, and you need like surgery to do this. And I'm like, oh my gosh, like was that missed the first time you did surrogacy? Right. So, which is is kind of it's a little scary. Yes, it is. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 18:17

Yeah, I'm blown away by this clinic. Jeepers, um, and a California clinic, nonetheless. That is not, I mean, I shouldn't like put us up there like, ooh, California, but like in my head, it's probably like LA or San Diego, and those have very well-known clinics. So I'm just very shocked to hear that a clinic was like, yeah, no problem. Uh weird. Yeah. Okay. So you are medically cleared, you moved to legal, legal goes smoothly. Because you guys kind of had well, I don't know. Did legal go smoothly?

SPEAKER_02 18:51

Um, I said no. Let's just say, um, I um I picked my own attorney that's here in Georgia. Um, and I had posted on one of the groups and was like, can anybody recommend a good lawyer? And somebody did, and I reached out and um and went with her. I talked to two other ones, um, but I went with this one. Um, she was very direct and to the point, and I appreciate that. Um, and so then their attorney sent over the contract, and we found a few things that needed updated and sent it back, and then they sent it back, and then we found more stuff, and it just kind of kept going like that. Um, every time we got the contract back, we would find something new that needed to be changed, or something that wasn't changed um adequately.

SPEAKER_05 19:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:49

And so, you know, there were a couple of of things. Um, the first one being I was under the impression that the intended parents were married. And per my contract, it says they are an unmarried couple. Oh, yeah, and so I was like, okay, this is that's kind of weird. Why would they do that?

SPEAKER_03 20:13

Red flag, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

Yeah, a little red flag. But I mean, you know, some people say, you know, they call their significant other their husband or wife because they've been together for so long.

SPEAKER_03 20:22

Exactly.

Transfer Trip with Grandma

SPEAKER_02 20:23

You know, even when their uh profile said they've been together three years, but you know, whatever. Um, I know, right? Um interesting. And then there were three years.

SPEAKER_03 20:35

Their prof I'm sorry, I gotta back up. Their profile said three years. Yep. Oh, that's that's interesting. Cause okay. Supposedly there's a 13-year-old in there somewhere. So well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Well, I apparently that's intended mom's daughter from wherever it says my wife, Fiat, and I have been married for three years. Um, they said they worked in a similar field and they've maintained communication until they became happily involved. My wife, Fiat? So it's not even no, you like Yada. Like I maybe I wasn't gonna like say her name, but you got it.

SPEAKER_03 21:18

I'm like, wait, what? Yada, what a that's a different name. Never mind.

SPEAKER_02 21:22

I know, right, right. That's totally different. Do I have the right story here? No, I'm like, wait, there's more to this.

SPEAKER_03 21:29

Okay, never mind. I got it, I got it now. Okay, so that's interesting. Okay, okay, so little just a just a little red flag, nothing major at that point.

SPEAKER_02 21:40

Yeah, just just a little red flag. Um, I was still, you know, pretty gung-ho. Um, you know, they they had told me this was, you know, they've had 10 failed tries previously for a second child. That didn't scare you? No, not really, because oh gosh, I've I've talked to so many intended parents who have similar experiences, um, whether it's five, six plus um egg retrievals that were unsuccessful, or you know, five to ten embryo transfers that were unsuccessful. So it wasn't really a red flag to me, but that was also because I had talked to so many intended parents, like probably 50 or plus, okay, that all told me their um their IVF struggle.

SPEAKER_03 22:33

So are is this saying that these intended parents that you were matched with, they themselves tried 10 times, not the fact that like they tried 10 times with like other women? Yes, correct. They tried 10 times themselves and failed. Okay, then that's not that's just dedicated. Yeah, I would look at it as just like dedication and like heartbreak. I wouldn't if it was like 10 times with other women, I would have yeah.

Parking‑Lot “Meeting” and Family Bombshells

SPEAKER_02 22:59

I mean, they they told me that they have fertility issues and they were blessed with their daughter on their first try, but that they had been unsuccessful for a second child after 10 tries. Um, it they just said that um the intended mother had endometriosis and it ended their IVF journey. So they were looking for a gestational carrier. Um, because I was under the impression that I was the only surrogate.

SPEAKER_03 23:31

Um they didn't say like, oh, we also are trying with someone else, like nothing. These are common now, so like it wouldn't be like out of the blue, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Um yeah, I mean if they would have been honest about it, I would have been like, Oh, okay, that's cool. Maybe me and her can chat and right, you know, we're carrying sibs, you know. Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_03 23:54

Yeah. Okay. All right, so we go through we go we go through legal, and now I am curious to see how this part goes. Your med protocol. Well, how do you see an IVF doctor?

SPEAKER_02 24:12

So, so I was um there was a couple of months before legal that I wanted to lose some weight, and we had started the legal process in July, and we didn't finish it until like mid to late October, which is roughly about four months. Um, so we were in contract phase for four months, and at one point my attorney was like, Hey, this is this is not going exactly how it should. You may want to think about breaking this match.

SPEAKER_03 24:49

Oh, interesting. Your attorney said that.

SPEAKER_02 24:52

Yeah, yeah. There were um some things in the contract that were just like they were really, really hard-pressed on not changing certain things. Like um the termination clause that they wanted was pretty specific to we can terminate and have the choice to terminate if the baby is found to have any kind of abnormality. That's not just incompatible with life, that's not just Down syndrome or a missing limb. Like that was even so far as cleft lip or cleft palate.

SPEAKER_05 25:29

Cosmetics.

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Yes, even the cosmetic stuff, they could they could terminate um the pregnancy. And it was uh a big deal because Georgia, Georgia's one of those states where it's a little difficult with um abortions.

SPEAKER_03 25:44

Okay.

Cold Clinic Vibes, Successful Transfer

SPEAKER_02 25:45

And so my attorney was like, one, if this ever has to go in front of a judge, they are going to they're gonna get really upset on all of us um because of how this stuff is worded. Um, and so we had to really and I personally I wasn't okay with termination for cosmetic issues. And and I, you know, with with Down syndrome, I've done a lot of work with special needs individuals um just throughout my life. And I really wasn't okay with that language being in there. I really wanted something that was a blanket, as you know, if the doctor feels that the child is gonna have a um uh what's the what's the word? Like a less quality of life type. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like the quality of life is gonna be impacted very heavily. Then, you know, that was the language that that I wanted in the contract. Um, and they finally had fixed it. Okay. Um, and then there was another one for the escrow company. This was a big one. Um they really, really were adamant that the escrow was gonna be held with their attorney out in California.

SPEAKER_03 27:04

Wait, wait, wait. With the whoa, is that yeah? I think I've heard of that as a thing, but not major. Wow, okay. So their attorney would be in charge of your money? Yes. I mean, that's just putting the blank exactly.

Silence from IPs and Agency as Go‑Between

SPEAKER_02 27:22

The intended parents were going to be in charge of everything that had to do with compensation, reimbursements, um, different things following the contract, like the maternity close and this stage and that stage. And they were so adamant about it. And, you know, I don't know how attorneys do with like the escrow and stuff like that. I just kind of pictured it as if their attorney is holding escrow, that is their yeah, which they shouldn't. And that's you know, that that was the advice I've gotten and I've read from so many different surrogates. Yeah. And so I was just like, no, uh, absolutely not. Um, like, no, you you need to you need to work on finding an escrow company that is reputable. Um yeah, and that was when, you know, we went back and forth so much, and the termination information in the contract and the escrow company was something that my attorney was like, you may want to think about breaking this match at this point because they're not budging. And so I was like, all right, well, let me go talk to Mark Surgacy. So I sent them an um a message on Facebook because everything was through Facebook, right? Um, so I sent them a message and I was just like, like, hey, you know, I'm going through contracts with the intended parents and it's not going as planned. Um, these are the issues that I cannot budge on. Um, and so, you know, I've discussed with my attorney if these things aren't fixed, then we're gonna have to break the match. And they were like, oh no, no, no, no. Let me talk to my intended parents. And I was like, All right, I will get back to me. Um, and so that's whenever they they changed it. Um, so I went with a third-party escrow company, and the termination clause was more of a blank statement of you know, incompatible with life.

SPEAKER_03 29:40

So, you're because obviously what we know now, right? Basically, you just went back and like talked to them, essentially, right? Yeah, yeah, right. I know what it was, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 29:54

Um, which is so wild. Um, because if you're gonna be so

SPEAKER_03 30:00

Such a stickler as an intended parent, but then like agency-wise, you're like, Oh yeah, like go talk to them.

SPEAKER_02 30:06

And it's like herself or something.

SPEAKER_03 30:09

I'm like, oh my gosh. Was your contact person like was that was it that was it that Andrea chick?

SPEAKER_02 30:17

So honestly, I don't know because whoever I was messaging with, they never signed their name.

SPEAKER_05 30:24

Oh stop.

SPEAKER_02 30:26

Yeah, literally, like nobody ever signed their name. And gosh. I was just like, I really, I almost, and there was a couple of times where I almost was like, who am I talking to right now? Um, I almost asked in a message because I was just like, I have no idea. Yeah. The only time I ever heard somebody's name was on the phone call that we did to go over the compensation outline. No, yeah. And I was just like, this is so weird. I have no idea who I'm talking to.

SPEAKER_03 30:58

That's bizarre.

SPEAKER_02 31:00

And I giggle just because it's like a coping.

Pre‑Birth Order Delays and Attorney Warnings

SPEAKER_03 31:04

No, for real, for real. No, I I do the same thing. I laugh for weird. I've always done that.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

Always. Even in like leadership positions, if something goes wrong, I'll just be like, oh my God.

SPEAKER_04 31:17

Try and like laugh it off and like be like, we're not gonna deal with trauma today. Thank you. So I'm just gonna smile and laugh because this is jacked up. Right, exactly. Because it's like so wild that it's like laughable. Like that's the that's the thing. Yeah, it's just wild. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_03 31:35

It's just wild. Okay, all right. So contracts get done. And now I'm still I'm still waiting for you to say, yeah, I'm at my VF doctor.

SPEAKER_02 31:45

Like, um Yeah, um, so after contracts, well, when we first went into contracts, I went ahead and started birth control because I was really wanting and hoping for a transfer that was around the end of August, early September.

unknown 32:02

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

And so I went ahead with the birth control and I was on it the entire time we did contracts, which made me gain a little bit more weight. And I was just like, oh, I can't wait to stop this birth control. It was yeah, I'll I will not do that ever again. Um yeah. And as soon as the contract phase was done, um, well, leading up to when we thought it was probably gonna be finished, we went ahead and looped in the fertility clinic and was like, hey, we're almost done with contracts. If you can go ahead and get a calendar ready, um, that would be great. And so, right whenever contracts were done, it was pretty much like, boom, let's let's jump into it. Um, so at the end of October, um, the intended parents actually signed the contract on October 18th. Um, they signed a couple days after us. Um and then I started my cycle.

The July Email: Investigations & CPS Risks

SPEAKER_03 33:02

Okay. Okay. Okay. And so are you you're obviously doing like monitoring at like a clinic area?

SPEAKER_02 33:13

Yeah, yeah. So I did um gosh, which one did I go to?

SPEAKER_01 33:18

Um, I went to one place um for some blood work and ultrasound.

SPEAKER_02 33:28

Okay and I actually went to a second place and then I went to the O B for the last one.

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Um you said you went to your OB for the last one? I went to the OB for I think it I don't know if it was heartbeat confirmation or something else.

SPEAKER_02 33:50

I mean, yeah, because the there was a clinic that um that I went to that wasn't the one that I went to for monitoring. Um and oh my gosh, they charged like$300 just for an ultrasound. Um, and I was just like, oh my gosh. It was like a brand new fertility place here in Atlanta, and they told me one price, and when I left, they called me and was like, Oh, I'm sorry, it's actually this price. Can you come back in and pay more? And I was like, What? All right, okay. Um yeah, so I did some monitoring before and uh and while I was doing you know the injections and stuff, and um I flew out to California around November 20th, 21st, and my embryo transfer was November 22nd, and it stuck on first first transfer.

SPEAKER_03 34:44

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 34:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 34:46

Okay, hold on. We gotta we gotta get into you coming to California, and if you meet them, you're bored bird. Thinking about navigating surrogacy without an agency, you don't have to figure it out alone. At Surrogacy Simplified, they provide one-on-one consulting and case management for independent journeys, concierge services for agency-led journeys, and a supportive intended parent private community built by a two-time mom through surrogacy herself. Whether you're going independent or working with an agency, they'll guide you every step of the way. Join their free intended parent community or upgrade for weekly support groups in a self-paced course that helps you confidently manage your journey. StopSit Podcast listeners get$100 off premium with code STOPSTIT. Start today at Surgacysimplified.com. Your safer, supported, and more affordable path to parenthood. Okay, so do you get do you bring anybody with you to Cali?

Panic, Workplace Breakdown, and Family Support

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Yes. So my actually my brother really wanted to go with me, but how sweet is that? Yeah, but like he had to work and stuff, and it was like, well, I already kind of promised Grammy that I was gonna take her to California with me. So yeah, so I took my grandma, and so she's she's really been kind of like the the most consistent support person throughout this whole entire thing.

SPEAKER_03 36:09

What a dream.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

Yeah, so and I actually uh we just moved into a house together too.

SPEAKER_03 36:16

So oh my gosh, stop! I just got the chills. My grandma was my best friend in the whole entire world. I would love to have lived with my grandma. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:24

I mean, you know, it was just no, she she lived out of state for most of my life, and we had um reconnected really a couple of years ago after kind of around the time I had my daughter, and um, she was in New York, and all of us are down here. She was so by herself, so alone. And so she moved down here, and then we finally um I just bought a house. Um, so we we bought a house together, and now we live together. And so now, yeah, so so she was there transfer and she's she's here now, too. So grandma. She's she's my ride or die now.

SPEAKER_03 37:01

Oh, I love that. Oh my god, I can sit here and talk to you about how much I know, right all day, but it's okay. No, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 37:08

So so I took it.

SPEAKER_03 37:09

Grandma got to go, grandma got to go to Cali.

SPEAKER_02 37:11

Is this grandma's Callie's? Uh no, oh man, but she loved Cali. She lived out on the west side for um for pro a couple of years at least. Um, but she loved it.

SPEAKER_03 37:23

Um, so okay, so you guys come here together and yeah, what does that look like? I gotta know everything.

What Professionals Couldn’t Solve

SPEAKER_02 37:31

Um, so you know, the flights were covered, the rental car was covered, and the hotel and okay, great. So, you know, we we were chilling. It was a fun time with grandma. Um so the intended parents actually wanted us to stay in California for like a full week. Oh, wow, that's around Thanksgiving. Yeah, I know. And so it was kind of like, well, I cannot do seven full days, I can do like five. Yeah, take my baby back back home. Yeah, yeah. You know, I had I had my my daughter, um, she was she had just turned four, and you know, I work full time and stuff like that, so it just wasn't possible. Right. Um, and my grandma was actually working too. She worked, she worked um two days a week. Um, and so you know, we we flew out, I gave them five days, and the day of transfer, um, the agency said that the intended mom was gonna come and meet me. Oh, and she was kind of there, they were kind of like, is it okay if she just comes to the hotel and meets you? And I was like, um, that's kind of weird. Um, but sure, why not? Yeah, what are you supposed to say? Yeah, that's yeah. I mean, what am I supposed to say? Yeah, yeah, exactly. So um, she comes to the hotel and she's like, Hey, I'm here. Um, you know, she told me what kind of car she drove. And I just left my hotel room and went and met her in the parking lot. Um morning of transfer. Yeah, this was the morning of transfer. Um and we just stood in the parking lot and talked for like 15-20 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 39:23

What? Yeah, no lunch, no breakfast, no like no. Hey, like let's have like some French fries after transfer. Like, I don't know, like what?

SPEAKER_04 39:36

It was really weird. It was really weird.

SPEAKER_02 39:39

Um yeah, I mean, we're just like standing there, and like right whenever she like walks up to me, she's like, I didn't have time to get you a gift, so here you go. And she just like gives me a wad of cash, and and I'm like, No, no, no, it's okay. And she's like, No, no, no, take it, take it. And I'm like, okay. And so I took it, and I obviously didn't like count it in front of her or anything.

SPEAKER_03 40:02

Of course, yeah, that's rude, yeah.

Pausing for Part Two

SPEAKER_02 40:04

But and so, and then it was just kind of like awkward for a second, and then I was like, Yeah, so are you excited? Do you have a a certain gender picked out? Um, and then she was like, Oh, yeah, I really want a girl. Um, you know, I have um, and this is this is when she dropped the ball, and she kind of dropped a bomb on me. Uh-oh. You know, I was under the impression that she had a three-year-old daughter, and that was the only child. Okay. And here, right at Transfer Day, after she just handed me a wad of cash and flew me out to California to do the transfer, this is when she tells me she actually has a 13-year-old daughter and a two or three-year-old son. And oh, yeah, and then she really wants a little girl because um, you know, her daughter is so sweet and caring and really like takes care of her, and her son is just like, oh, whatever, mom, you're fine. And and I was like, Okay. And I just kind of stood there for a minute, and in my head, I'm thinking, That's wild. You y'all told me you had a three-year-old daughter, and that was it. So I just got really confused. And at this point, I was just kind of like, I don't trust you.

SPEAKER_03 41:30

Um my gosh, right before you go for a transfer, you don't trust her.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

Yeah, right before I go for the transfer. I'm just like, Oh shoot. Yes, I'm like, oh shoot, I don't, I don't trust you.

SPEAKER_03 41:44

Um, this is and she was already kind of like had nervous energy, and it was probably, you know what I'm thinking right now is she probably was like, oh crap, this wasn't the surrogate that knew all that. Like she can't even keep her surrogate straight. That's where my head went. Gosh, you're so right, from what I know.

SPEAKER_02 42:04

Yeah, no, she can't keep any of the surrogate.

SPEAKER_03 42:06

Yeah, so she's like, oh crap, I she didn't know that there was a 13-year-old and a two-year-old.

SPEAKER_02 42:11

Oh my god. That's the other one. Oh my gosh. Yeah, you know, my my heart kind of sunk a little bit. And I was just like, oh my god, you know, they they lied about this. What else?

SPEAKER_03 42:26

What else are they lying to me about? Gosh, yes, my head would be on a spiral. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 42:32

And you know, and then it flashed in my head like, oh my god, I'm already out here. Like, I'm gonna have to ignore this because I'm already out here, you know. Like, what are you supposed to do? Yeah, what am I supposed to do? You know, I mean, it wasn't it wasn't like a a huge, huge thing, but it was enough to like make me pause and be like, oh my god, I don't trust you. Like what what else is gonna happen? Type of feeling. And so in that moment, I try to kind of like recover the conversation. And I asked her if she was excited to have the baby girl and get to bond with her, and if she would how much time she was taking off of work. And it was kind of like I just spit all these questions out at her. And, you know, are you how much time are you taking off of work? Are you excited to bond with the baby? Um, what's you know, when you go back to work? Are you going back to work? Or, you know, do you have child care figured out? And she was like, Oh yeah, I I won't stop working, and I have a nanny. And I was just then I was just kind of like, what? Yeah, I mean, you're not gonna stop working to bond with your baby. Oh, like not starting. Oh, yeah, no, no, she had no plans of of not of stopping working at all.

SPEAKER_03 43:55

Um, she just what is it that she does? What what do you think she does?

SPEAKER_02 43:59

Real estate. Well, she told me she did real estate um because I asked, and she was like, Yeah, I'm a real estate agent. Um, and I was like, Oh, that's cool. And and she had started talking about, you know, she'd been looking at um other states to move to or a new area, and and I was like, Oh, well, Georgia's pretty cool. She was like, Oh, okay, yeah, I'll have to check it out. Um, so she just told me that she did real estate and that was kind of it. Even the intended parent profile had actually said, um, you know, that them as a couple, they have been in the same um industry and field, and then they finally like reconnected. But it wasn't specific on what they do for work in the profile.

unknown 44:47

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 44:48

So that's why I asked her in person, and that's when I found out, you know, she was a real estate agent.

SPEAKER_03 44:52

So that means to you then, because based off the profile, that he's a real estate agent or in that field somewhere, right?

SPEAKER_02 44:59

Yeah, or some in in some type of field of you know, uh, property acquisition.

SPEAKER_03 45:07

Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 45:08

That's what that meant to me. Okay. Um, or maybe like a lender or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 45:14

Did he say why he didn't come, or did any or the agency say why he didn't come? Like where he was.

SPEAKER_02 45:19

Um no, I don't think so. Um, they might have just said he was busy. I didn't really pry or ask questions. I was just kind of happy to meet one of them.

SPEAKER_03 45:29

Yeah, sure. So you never met him.

SPEAKER_02 45:31

No, uh, I've never met him, I've never spoken to him, I've not exchanged any kind of communication with the intended father.

SPEAKER_03 45:40

Oh my gosh, that is so wild.

SPEAKER_02 45:42

Yeah, and it's I now it's kind of like kind of creepy a little bit. Um, but you know, yeah. Um yeah, so and I I wasn't too hard pressed on it just because I was I was a little bit more comfortable meeting the intended mom.

SPEAKER_03 46:01

For sure, yeah. Yeah she drops this bomb on you, she's there for like 20 minutes. Big bomb, by the way. Big bomb within 20 minutes. Big bomb. You have to like digest this.

SPEAKER_02 46:11

Yeah, I mean, it's not only like the big bomb, but then just you know, I just I f I found it really strange, you know. She wasn't gonna take any time off of work and just was gonna have a nanny take care of the baby.

SPEAKER_03 46:23

I was just like, dang, all right. Yeah, like I guess maybe she doesn't have to go in all the time. Like, my brain would be like, maybe she doesn't have to go in all the time if she's a real estate agent, but at the same time, like you you could take time off. Like California allows her to take time off and really not lose much of her wages, like yeah, and cal California's I mean, they have a great maternity leave palace.

SPEAKER_02 46:50

Yeah. So I that's you know, it just kind of struck me weird. And you know, kind of like you know, seeing what kind of car they drive, and um, you know, I I know it I knew what kind of house they were in because you know, I looked it up based on the contract. Contract and um was it the house that's shown everywhere? Yeah, yeah, it was. Um, and you know, so I mean I was like in my head, I was kind of like, oh wow, well you must be a you know top-notch real estate agent then.

SPEAKER_03 47:22

Really like commercial real estate, like that, sure. Exactly. I would believe that for sure. Selling houses, no.

SPEAKER_02 47:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I was I was kind of thinking like, you know, like commercial real estate, and you know, maybe she did work for a company, you know, does like stuff like that. So I figured, you know, she was probably a busy person.

SPEAKER_03 47:47

That is why the I just I just gotta recap. You get a lot of cash, you get this bomb dropped on you, and then you're asking questions that kind of raise a little bit like of more red flags, and now you have to get in your car and go have a transfer.

SPEAKER_02 48:03

Yeah, and my so I I had actually talked to my grandma. Um, this was a couple of days, maybe a week ago. What's oh god, no, my Grammy's got a lot of thoughts. Let me tell you what, but that's I'm gonna have to let her tell you because I can't even go down that rabbit hole.

SPEAKER_03 48:23

Oh my god, I love it. Um version, I love it.

SPEAKER_02 48:28

Um my my Grammy had reminded me that when I came back in the room after meeting the intended mom. My Grammy remembers me telling her that she really like me talking about the intended mom and and meeting her. I told my Grammy that the intended mom really didn't even seem that excited about doing this transfer and about you know having having a child. Um not just you know, um a baby, a child, but a a blessing. Um and I I didn't I didn't really remember that until you know, I was kind of chatting with my Grammy, and that's whenever she was like, Well, you know, you told me that she really didn't seem that excited about doing all of this, or excited about, you know, having having another baby. Um yeah, which you know, I was like, oh my gosh, you're right. Now now I remember that.

SPEAKER_03 49:32

Did you did you get more kind of like at that moment, then maybe more it was kind of like a business. I hate when people are like, oh, surrogacy is transactional, but there are journeys that are. Yes, did you feel more it was like a business situation?

SPEAKER_02 49:46

Yeah, I did, yeah. You know, that was kind of the the feel earlier in the journey before getting to California, but like meeting her, it did, it just kind of felt like business. Um, and I even I told her the intended mom, I was like, you know, whatever kind of communication you want, I'm okay with that. You know, I know this is the first time that we're meeting, but you know, if you want to call me and talk to the baby while in the belly, or you know, be present for doctor's appointments, you know, I was like suggesting things and she was like, Oh, okay, thanks. Um, you know, I was just kind of letting her know that like I would respect her boundaries, but you know, whatever type of relationship that she wanted was fine with me. Um, and that was the last time I seen or heard and spoke to the intended mom until really like August 1st of this year. Um, but we can we can get to that later. Um, yeah, oh my gosh, what?

SPEAKER_03 50:47

Yeah, yeah. Um the whole pregnancy to be had. Okay, that's why.

SPEAKER_02 50:52

Yeah, literally, literally. I didn't speak to either intended parent the entire time after I met her in California until we had issues with the pre-birth order and all of this stuff.

SPEAKER_03 51:06

Okay, so hold on. Just help help me with the timeline a little bit. So you have a transfer in November and all of this stuff comes out July, right? Or am I wrong? Yeah, it it it came out for me in July. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, so it's not like this was at the beginning of the year and things were happening. So then Okay, I'll be in we'll be I'll be interested to get in that later. Okay, we'll we'll we'll go back on track. Okay, so you're on the way now to a transfer.

SPEAKER_02 51:36

Which is Yeah, yep. Um, we are heading to the transfer. I stopped and grabbed um a big water bottle so that I could drink all of it um on the way to you know to have the full bladder. Yeah, and um this is actually where I got a little bit more uncomfortable. Um yeah, so the fertility doctor that was doing the embryo transfer, I had actually done my very first egg donation with that same doctor. This was years before, but when I first met this doctor, he was super friendly, talkative, cracking jokes with me about he had like eggs in a container and was like cracking jokes about I've got these eggs, but these aren't the ones we're collecting today. It's like a dad joke. Um like he's like cracking jokes with me and you know, making, you know, just small talk in general. His bedside mana was great the first time I met him. Well, when I get there for transfer, um all of the staff were just kind of like quiet, they didn't really talk much, and the doctor didn't even interact with me really at all. Um, I even tried to kind of create conversation like, oh, hey doctor, you know, I donated eggs previously and nice to see you again. Oh yeah, and he was just like, okay. And that was yeah, that was pretty much it. Um yeah, really nobody, nobody at the fertility clinic interacted with me that much. The most I got was one of the staff had taken a picture of the sonogram whenever they did the um when they implanted the embryo, and she gave that to me and she was like, here, you know, you can keep this. And I was like, Okay, great. Um, and so I still have it. And that was really the most interaction that I had with anyone there during transfer when previously, years before, when I was donating eggs with them, you know, it was like friendly and cutting jokes, and you know, it was just a much more inviting environment. Yeah, yeah, atmosphere. And so it just like it just made me uncomfortable because I was already uncomfortable, you know, finding things out whenever I met the intended mom, and then kind of getting like a cold shoulder. Yeah, that's weird. I was just like like what's like what's up? Yeah. Um, so yeah, but you know, it was it was successful, and me and Grammy had a blast in California over the next couple of days. Um oh yeah, we went sightseeing and all kind of stuff. It was fun.

SPEAKER_03 54:44

I did some bed rest too, but yeah, I was gonna ask, did you have to like go back to the hotel and like chill for like a day, or like they were just like, No, you're good, just like you know, don't like lift things type stuff.

SPEAKER_02 54:55

Yeah, I mean the clinic was like, Yeah, okay, you're good. The agency, however, was like, No, make sure you rest and you um don't do anything. We just want you to be on bed rest. And I was like, I told them okay, but I'm really not the type of person to like be on bed rest. So we just like we just like drove around, had some good food. Um we went to the beach and stuff like that. Um, yeah, but it was a blast. Yeah, we had fun. We had our we got our nails done one of the days, and it was a good time for sure.

SPEAKER_03 55:33

Well, I'm glad that came out of it.

SPEAKER_02 55:36

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:37

Good old memories with Grammy. Those are precious from last a lifetime for sure. Exactly. Exactly. You fly home before Thanksgiving, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 55:48

Yes, yeah. I was there for Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_03 55:51

Oh, you were in Cali for Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_02 55:53

No, I I got home for Thanksgiving. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. Um yes, I was at home for Thanksgiving. Um yeah, and my brother's birthday is um the 26th. So I think we flew back either the 25th or the 26th. Oh, we flew back the 26th because when I got back in town, I went straight to a restaurant to meet them for my brother's birthday. Oh my gosh. She's on the go. Yeah. Yep, on the go. Oh, my life doesn't slow down. It just is a forever ball of burning fire, and you know, it's great. That's how I like it. Gotta keep it. Yeah, you don't wanna you don't wanna let the fire go out. No way.

SPEAKER_03 56:34

It can go out when I'm dead. I'm good. Exactly. Amen. Yes. So, okay, so you get back, you're chilling, you got this two-week wait situation going on. Wait, like you go and do you go back to that same monitoring clinic? I'm still lost with your monitoring clinic because clearly there's not like a sister clinic.

SPEAKER_02 56:55

Yeah. Um, it's definitely not a sister clinic. Yeah, yeah, so I went home and I had um this was the second monitoring clinic. After the embryo transfer, I went to a different one for the ultrasounds than the monitoring one I went to before. Okay. Um, and so after the transfer, I had like two or three ultrasounds. Um, and then it was good, you know. Baby stuck, I had a heartbeat. Um perfect.

SPEAKER_03 57:33

Well, that's what we want.

SPEAKER_02 57:34

Yeah, right. Yeah, it was really wild to to see that.

SPEAKER_03 57:42

So how are we going and telling the intended parents, hey guys, it's we're like we're pregnant, like the babies baby's here.

SPEAKER_02 57:51

Um I mean, well, I didn't tell the intended parents, I just told Mark Surgacy, hey, there's a heartbeat. Yay, baby's stuck. Um, there was just a message, and they were like, Oh, that's great, that's great. I'll let the intended parents know. And that was kind of it, yeah. Um, and I was like, Okay, so I guess you're gonna push through the the heartbeat confirmation. Um payment. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 58:20

The bursement or what whatever I don't even know what you're called, but they're technically called, but yeah, yeah, heartbeat confirmation.

SPEAKER_02 58:26

We'll just say that. Yeah. Um yeah, and so they were like, Yeah, we'll get it pushed through um as soon as the place that I had the ultrasound done for heartbeat confirmation. Um Mark Saragesi said as soon as they sent over the report um to the fertility clinic that did the embryo transfer, um, that they would get the heartbeat confirmation um payment out.

SPEAKER_03 58:53

So okay. Wait, whatever happened with escrow? Did I miss that? Oh, um, no, I fought to have a third party escrow and I got it. Right. So they so they did they did give you the third party escrow.

SPEAKER_02 59:05

Yes, yes, using the third party escrow.

SPEAKER_03 59:08

Okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 59:09

Thank heavens. Um is oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_03 59:15

Um looking at it all now, that was like the big blessing to come out of it.

SPEAKER_02 59:20

The biggest thing. I'm so glad that I stuck to what I wanted because that escrow really it could have turned out way differently.

SPEAKER_03 59:30

Um put you in a huge yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 59:36

And so, you know, and the escrow company that we went with has been so awesome. I'm in contact with the owner, and you know, they're aware of all of this stuff going on, and they've honored everything in the contract. Amazing. They should.

SPEAKER_03 59:50

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SPEAKER_02 1:00:28

Yeah, so there's there's a few things that um you know, like medical bills from delivery. Yeah. Um, I'm probably not gonna get those. Um I bought a bit, yeah. Oh, probably about 15,000. Whoa! Yeah, and there's not even enough money in escrow anymore. And the escrow company reached out to the intended parent and was like, hey, you know, we've got medical bills, um, they're estimated around this. Can you go ahead and submit more funds? And the intended parents just never replied. Never replied to the escrow company's request.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:08

So wait, is all that on all that's on you, isn't it?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:11

Yeah, I mean, now at this point, all of that's gonna be on me. Yeah. What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So yeah. Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:23

Oh gosh, okay, we'll get into that. Um, okay. Um so you have heartbeat confirmation and you tell agency, and agency is now your go-between.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:35

Yeah, and they were just like, okay, great, I'll let the intended parents know. And that was kind of it. Um, and I was like, all right, sounds great. Um, and then I'm, you know, pregnant for the next couple of months and working and um and no contact. Yeah, no, no contact. I talked with the agency here and there, mostly just like about receipts and reimbursements and the different milestones um that come along. And I mean, that's pretty much it. Um let's fast forward um to May. Because May was when I reviewed the pre-birth order with an attorney from California. Um he was going to be representing me for the pre-birth order, and so I was like, Yep, all right, cool. Um, and so we reviewed them, and I thought everything was done. And the paperwork was submitted and everything was fine. And July like 8th, the same attorney's office emailed me and was like, Hey, this paperwork was never filled out, it was never submitted to the court, it's completely unfinished. We have to repeat this whole process. And um, we're waiting for the agency to tell us a new attorney for the intended parents because the intended parents attorney that was originally going to be doing the pre-birth order has um or is no longer representing them. And I was just kind of like all right, let me know. Um let me know when you hear from them and they have a new attorney. Um, you know, I thought this all was completed in May, and do you know why their attorney's no longer representing them? And the attorney's office was just like, no, we have no idea. Um, I'll let you know. And I was like, all right, great. Well, July 11th, I'm sitting at my um my desk at work, and I'm just you know, I I'm working and um in between uh doing a phone call, I pull up my email and um I'm just checking, you know, maybe see if there's an update. And I see I have an email from the same attorney's office, and the email just says I can pull it up actually. So I'm being correct.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:30

Okay. And real quick, while you're looking that up, when is baby due?

SPEAKER_02 1:04:35

Baby was due August 7th. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:41

Well cutting it a little close.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:44

Yeah, cutting it a little close. Um, let's see. All right. So July 11th, I'm sitting at my work computer working, and in between phone calls, I pull my email up, and it is 1245 at this point. And the attorney's office that was originally doing the pre-birth order sent me an email again and is like, hey, I hope all is well. We've not received any updates from the agency at this time. However, we have come across public posts indicating that Mark surrogacy, also known as future spring surrogacy, this is the first time I've ever heard of future spring surrogacy.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:29

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:30

Let me tell you, I had never heard of it before.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:33

And they just say we've come across these posts where Mark and Future Spring may be connected to certain surrogacy arrangements currently under investigation.

SPEAKER_05 1:05:44

That's a nice way.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:45

And then yeah, that's a very nice way to put it. Um, he said, as the investigation appears to be ongoing and relatively recent, we are uncertain whether a pre-birth order will be obtainable at this time. Considering that you're expected to give birth in less than a month, it is very possible that the PBO will be delayed or may not be completed at all. As these documents are typically prepared and filed by the intended parents' attorney.

SPEAKER_05 1:06:11

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:12

This is when they notify me if you give birth without a PBO in place and the intended parents are unable to provide any supporting documentation to establish their illegal parentage, the names of you will appear on the birth certificate.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:26

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:26

If you meant that you do not wish to assume custody of the child, it is likely that child protective services will intervene.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:36

Oh, they like gave you the option?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:39

I mean, basically, they're like, in the event you don't want to assume custody of the child, oh my gosh, we will probably intervene.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:48

What a yeah. Oh my gosh, I'm just imagining being you and being a month out, and like what a what a what a grenade. I mean I'm I would have gone into labor immediately with that stress. That's wow. How did you feel? Like what what was your initial like reaction?

SPEAKER_02 1:07:16

Um my heart sank. Um I was just like, what what's what's going on? Um I that's whenever I started kind of looking online. And I back in June, I had come across um, this was before, you know, I found this out. In June, I did come across a Facebook post that was just kind of um listing out, you know, that the the agency is crap. And you know, this was this was the the red flag, and I was just like, oh my god, what am I what am I reading? Um you know, there were accusations about the FBI, and I couldn't really understand what I was reading, and I tried to Google stuff about it, and nothing was coming up for me. And so I had actually had a um a phone call with two different attorneys to kind of help advise me after I seen the post in January or uh June. Okay, and both of those attorneys were like, you know, if everything has gone good with your journey so far, it may be best just sit tight and carry on as normal. And so that's what I did. Um, and then and then July came, and you know, they're telling me this attorney is telling me that they're you know being investigated, and I'm just like my heart sinks, and I just feel like there's a huge weight um pushing me down. And I started Googling some stuff again, and now this time, numerous things are popping up on my computer and about these intended parents and and the agency. And I'm just then I'm just like, oh shoot, yeah, this is this is all that was that post was real, all of this stuff is true. Um and I just start crying um there at my desk. And my coworker, um, one of them was there with me at that point, and she's just like, what's wrong with you? And I'm like, oh my god, all that, you know, that that girl's post was true, and um, this is terrible, and you know, I might have to assume custody of this child, or CPS is gonna take it, her, and um, and I'm just like, I don't know what's going on, and so I'm just crying, and she's trying to comfort me. And and then I jump on the phone with the attorney who told me um that they were being investigated, and this was the same day, and minutes apart. And so I'm in like my work bathroom talking to this attorney and and his team, and they're telling me a whole bunch of stuff about the PBO and CPS and maybe non-birth certificate, and you know, baby has to be put up for adoption by me because I'm the birth mother, or I can take custody and assume full responsibility for the child because I'm the birth mother, and I'm just I'm spinning. If you can just imagine yourself in a little bathroom at work, you're trying to be quiet because your coworkers are right outside the door, and the entire room is spinning, and you're crying, and you have no idea what is going on, like what is happening in your life while you're 36 weeks pregnant. Um I mean, it was I was literally spinning um and crying. Um, and so I I finished up that phone call and I went back to my desk and I kind of cleaned myself up a little bit before I went back to my desk. And I sit down and I'm kind of just staring at my computer. And my coworker that was um consoling me, she wasn't at the desk. I was alone. And then my manager comes over and she sits down at her desk. She can't see my face or anything, but she sits down at her desk and she's just talking. I don't know if she was talking to me, I don't know if she was talking to herself or maybe she was talking to somebody else because it was like a mu I don't it was just like a muffled her talking. I have no idea what she was saying, but I'm just spinning there right at my desk, and I have more tears that are kind of just silently streaming down my face, and I'm just like, hey, hey Nancy, that's my manager's name. Um, hey Nancy, I gotta, I gotta talk to you, I gotta tell you something. And so she turns around to face me and she sees I'm crying, and she's like, Oh my god, Haley, what's wrong? And I'm just like, I don't even know how to say this. I this is this was this real? Like, she's like, What is it? Oh my gosh, is everything okay? And then I'm just like, No, I just found out that the people I'm caring about the baby for are like being investigated by the FBI for child endangerment or abuse or trafficking, or we don't even know what. And they had 21 children removed from their custody, and she's her eyes get really big, and she's looking at me, and at this time I'm just like breakdown all over again, and she takes me over into an office, um, a conference room, and I just have a total breakdown. I just let it all out, and she's she's trying to console me and and comfort me. And um, I was I had such a breakdown that my the um the HR lady that uh is at my work, she actually heard me crying and listened at the door to make sure I was okay and I had somebody with me. Um and I only know that because when I finally had to tell her about all of this, and and I told her, I told her because I wasn't sure how long I was gonna be out of work for at that point. And um this was a couple weeks later, but and so I told her, and she was like, Oh my god, that was you crying in the room, like that wasn't it. I could hear you all the way down the hallway, and I'm like, oh my god, that's so embarrassing.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:16

Oh no, that's a lot of anyone who would have heard that would have definitely reacted the same way as you.

SPEAKER_02 1:14:25

Like, oh my goodness. So that was that was when I when I you know found out all of this stuff was um was real and you know, I could Google it and stuff would come up. Um I don't even know what all I come across, but I was just like if you imagine me at a um my desk and clicking on this and this in like a frenzy and just spinning and freaking out. That was that was my reaction. Um and so after I met with my manager, um, I ended up going home and I texted my mom, kind of giving her a heads up, and she was like, All right, I'll be I'll be here waiting for you. And so I got home and um and we sat on the couch and talked and I cried and um she consoled me and you know she said her and all my family is here for me and this baby, if you know, whatever comes about with the baby.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:28

Um that's a great family you got right there. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:31

I mean I guess even better from there. Um and you know, she was when I first got home, she was you know consoling me and um and holding it strong, and then we left to go get my tag renewed and pick up my daughter, and all of a sudden everything hit her, and then she's like, Oh my god, we gotta do something. You gotta go to the police department, you gotta call the cops. What are you doing? We gotta do something. This is crazy. Um, what if these people are dangerous and they come after you or right? She hit mama mode. Yeah, yeah, she hit yeah, she hit mama mode, and it it uh took her a little time to for it to hit her, I guess. Uh the gravity of everything. Yeah. And she just she couldn't she couldn't hold it.

SPEAKER_01 1:16:21

Um she she was spinning at that point.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:25

My gosh. Poor thing. Oh my gosh, I can't. Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot. I mean, that's a lot. I I'm like stunned at once. Like I'm like, wait, hold on. No, I have to like process.

SPEAKER_04 1:16:39

Like this is it's a lot, and it's it's it's only good thing right now is that it's a lot. It's just so much.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:49

It's just oh man, hit with at once, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:16:54

Um, I mean, it was it was just there are certain moments from this entire journey that will forever be etched into my brain and my heart because of the traumatic distress that that I went through in each of those moments. Um and it's traumas, trauma comes in many different forms, and um and this was definitely a traumatic journey.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:33

Yeah, to say the least.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:36

Absolutely the traumatic journey.

SPEAKER_04 1:17:39

Yeah, yeah, that's gonna be the title.

unknown 1:17:42

Yeah, literally.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:44

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:45

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:47

Uh I'm like still, I'm like, I'm like searching for a question to ask, but my brain is just like just jumbled. And you know what? I think this is a good spot to maybe like put a pause on, and we'll come back for part two because definitely 36 weeks here, and you got that big bombshell, and now it's like what from here?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:08

So now it gets real.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:11

Oh Jesus, yes. Goodness, yeah. Baby Jesus, as they say here in Georgia. Oh baby Jesus, sweet baby Jesus, what baby Jesus?

SPEAKER_04 1:18:22

Oh my gosh, I love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:25

No my goodness. Well, yeah, we're just gonna pause here. I literally don't have any. I'm like to like go and like process it because it's a lot, and like I'm just like putting myself in your shoes, and like I literally cannot for the life of me like be like this is the move, like it's a movie, like it's a it's a movie, and all of your stories still hit me. Like all of you girls, your stories still hit me in ways that I'm just like no, even though I know what happens, I still I'm still not prepared.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:58

No, I nobody nobody can like prepare you. Like every single person that I have told about any part of this, even just a really abbreviated part, yeah, are just like holy crap. For real, that's a lot. The I I have no words, I have no idea what to tell you, what to say, or anything. And that's that's just the common thing. Like, I get I've gotten that from lawyers and attorneys, even. Um, like nobody has any words. Which is I don't even I don't even have many words.

SPEAKER_03 1:19:41

I know, but it makes me sad that the professionals in the industry don't have any words. Like, yes, I absolutely don't have any words. Like, I get that. This is like a huge thing. We're all human, it's gonna hit us, and we're gonna be like, wait, what in the word? But like it's it's more so like where's the help? I it still irks me that there's not very many. But then again, what do I know, right? How much can they actually and put their hands out there and get into it if there's an investigation going on?

SPEAKER_02 1:20:09

Like, I'm just talking out my butt now because I well, this is this is probably a carry-on topic because I spoke to so many attorneys right after learning about this. Yeah. And it was consistently, I have no idea. I don't, uh, this is out of my specialty. I can't help you. Um, there's there's nothing that they could do. Um, not even try to put something up in place prior to baby being born to make sure the baby was safe. Like it was just there was nothing nobody could do. I was just completely on my own. FBI couldn't help. Um, well, the FBI was my next step, so I guess we'll pick up from that.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:54

All right, cool. All right, I'll well, not cool, but I'll I marked it down to how I remember. Okay, cool. Jeez, I told you, I'm like the most awkward person when it's like I'm just I I it just like it's just so wild. Like it's so wild. It's just like, no, this is a Hallmark movie. What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_02 1:21:16

Well, I yeah, I actually I I'm talking to somebody that's in the movie industry. Um yeah, well, I mean, we'll see. I still have to like send her the pitch and stuff, but I mean it's it's um it's pretty wild. Yeah, it's wild, and it's wild. It's not even this is not even like uh oh the surrogate was burned and you know didn't get any of the compensation, or they got stuck with all the medical bills, or the parents didn't come and collect the baby. This is so much more than that. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:58

This is a situation that literally you this is a situation that was never like a oh hey, this is a myth, like this could happen, or this has happened, or like this. This wasn't even a scary story. Now it is, but it wasn't before. Yeah, well, now it is. Yeah, but it was never like that. It was never like a warning situation. It it's it's a lot.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:22

It's yeah. Yeah, nope. You can't you can't warn anyone about this.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:28

I mean it's no, this is in depth. This is like law and order stuff.

SPEAKER_02 1:22:34

Literally, like literally, literally law and order stuff, yeah, for all.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:40

Oh my gosh. Oh, okay. Well, more next time with Hallie. Thank you so much. This was wild. Yeah, thank you so much. Yeah, thank you. Have a great evening. You too. Bye. Thanks. Bye. Okay, well, I'm now speechless. Um, but thank you, Hallie, for reaching out and sharing your story. She will be back for part two. Um it my heart is just with all of you ladies involved in this. Um you are all true warriors. And it is just unfathomable. So um, thank you, Hallie. Um if anybody has any questions or stories they would like to share, please feel free to reach out to me on Instagram at StopPeriod Sit Period Surrogate, or you can reach out and email at stop periodsitperiodsurrogate at gmail.com. And this has been another episode of Stops It Surrogate. Thanks for listening, guys. Today's episode of Stops It Surrogate is brought to you by Nappy Ending Surrogacy Agency, Paying It Forward Surrogacy, and Surrogacy Simplified. Thank you for supporting the surrogacy community with us.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:54

If you enjoyed this podcast, be sure to give us a like and subscribe. Also, check out the link to our YouTube channel in the description. And be sure to also check out our children's book, My Mom Has Superpowers, sold on Amazon and Etsy.