Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
A mother and daughter podcast educating others on surrogacy from a surrogates point of view. And the point of view from the intended parents, children born from surrogacy, the agency, legal professionals and IVF doctors for the science behind it all. Together we have brought 8 beautiful children into this world and it’s been an insane rollercoaster ride! Good and bad, the sweet and the sour, all coming to light about the truths behind the best and worst surrogacy journeys. Stop. Sit. Surrogate. Is a podcast that is able to give well rounded information about surrogacy from every point of view. We hope to give as much education as we can provide, to those who want to learn and know more about surrogacy.
Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
How A Surrogate’s Instincts Saved Twins And Shaped A Calling
A calm first journey, a terrifying second, and a life-changing pivot into nursing—Lauren’s story reveals what surrogacy really asks of the body, the mind, and the heart. We welcome Lauren back to share how she chose agencies, navigated a Canada-to-U.S. match during COVID, and moved through a natural-cycle transfer that led to a smooth full-term birth. Then everything changed: a double embryo transfer, surging symptoms, a gut feeling something was wrong, and a hospital visit that exposed early dilation and bulging membranes. When monitors missed contractions, her voice did not. The emergency C-section that followed was chaotic and partially anesthetized, the twins headed straight to the NICU, and the aftermath raised hard questions about support, recognition, and care.
We talk candidly about the parts people don’t see: reduced compensation after a preterm birth, the emotional shock of limited updates from intended parents, and the mental health gap that too many contracts overlook. Lauren’s experience also spotlights bias in healthcare—how Black women are often dismissed, and why listening can be the difference between safety and harm. Out of that crucible, she found purpose. She’s starting nursing school with her eyes set on labor and delivery, determined to make sure no patient under her watch has to perform to be believed.
You’ll learn practical takeaways for surrogates and intended parents: how natural-cycle transfers work, what to include in contracts (postpartum therapy, communication expectations, emergency planning), and why clear, compassionate agency support matters long after delivery. It’s a story of grit, grace, and the power of advocacy—proof that intuition is data and that gratitude should never arrive late.
If this conversation moved you, follow and share the show with someone who needs it. Subscribe, leave a review to help others find us, and tell us: what would you add to a surrogacy contract to better protect everyone involved?
Welcome. We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world, and we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop Sit Surrogate. Hey everyone, if you ever thought about becoming a surrogate, I want to share something with you. Stopsit Surrogate is now a matching and referral agency that helps guide you through the very first steps of your journey. We'll walk with you until you're matched and connected with a trusted agency that supports you all the way through. It's such a meaningful process, and knowing you're not alone makes a huge difference. So if you're curious about surrogacy or ready to take that first step, check us out at stopsitsurrogate.com. Hi everybody, welcome back to Stopsit Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Hey everybody. We have a beautiful guest. She was on Friday Facts, I think almost a year, like a year and some change. So we're gonna let her reintroduce herself.
SPEAKER_03:Hi, my name is Lauren. I am about to be 30. Um, and I'm a two-time surrogate.
unknown:Oh, yay!
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh, I didn't know it was, I forgot it was two times. That's right. Okay, so fun question that we asked. How'd you find out about surrogacy?
SPEAKER_03:Um honestly, I don't remember. I just know it was in high school, and I've I just remember someone educating me on what a excuse me, on what a surrogate was, and I thought it was like the coolest thing ever. And after I became an adult and had two like really easy pregnancies on my own, I was just like, now's the time to do it. Yes. Yes.
SPEAKER_02:Simple.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:How did you how do you do you go with an agency or do you do independent?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I did go with an agency both times. I did it, um, two different agencies both times. Um, and I basically just did a Google search uh for the first one. So kind of just looking at all of their info sheets. I really didn't have any expectations or criteria. I didn't even know surrogates got paid until I started looking through the information.
SPEAKER_02:Um wow. So you were like, hey, I want to be a surrogate, like boom, no questions needed, nothing incentivized me. I just surrogate 100%.
SPEAKER_03:Nice. I was like, if there is a conversation, it's probably just like you know, I don't know, a couple hundred dollars as you or something.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Okay. Oh my god, I love you. You were pleasantly surprised, though.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, for sure.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. How funny. Okay, so you found them on Google, and so it was it like the it was like the first agency like you found. Like, did you do a little research?
SPEAKER_03:I actually applied to like four of them. Okay, and then waited to do like the interview calls, spoke with each of them, you know, heard their kind of like got the spiel from each of them, yeah, and then kind of like talked it over with my friend to see which one sounded the best. And I ended with Extraordinary Conceptions the first time, okay, and then she's gonna be so mad. I can't remember what the second one was called. Oh, it's okay.
SPEAKER_01:That's all good.
SPEAKER_02:But extraordinary conceptions is not based where you are, they're West Coast.
SPEAKER_01:Very interesting because I know them. Very interesting.
SPEAKER_02:You had already mentioned you didn't have like like expectations or criteria. Did you have any idea of maybe what you wanted in a match?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I did just know as far as matching goes, I didn't really care because I know um a lot of the is do you care about same sex or do you care about them being the same race or anything like that? I didn't really have those expectations, but I did want it to be for a couple.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:That was the only thing I wanted to get.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, fair. So when you when it got time to um like finding the match, right? Did you were you given a profile and like, hey, these people are interested in you, or were you given profiles and like hey, you you decide? Um do you remember?
SPEAKER_03:It was kind of like a I did my profile and then they just sent me an email like, hey, we think you would really like this couple. Okay, so kind of like picked up yeah, both times I did like the couple that they sent, so I didn't really have any um I guess like objections to the people that they chose. Um, both of them were like super sweet, very nice. We as far as our expectations of the journey itself, we they were both very like similar, lined up, and it was kind of like they just I got I think I personally got lucky with the matching process.
SPEAKER_02:Probably, yes. Perfect. Well, that's good. That's good though. Power to you, that's right.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yes, because I know it didn't always go so well.
SPEAKER_00:Were both families domestic like on stateside or any international?
SPEAKER_03:Um, so it was actually matched with three couples. The first one, they were in Canada.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, and then but when that happened, we did a transfer and then it it ended up failing, and we were scheduling to do the second one, but that's when COVID hit, and you know, all the flights were canceled, everything got shut down, and I think we waited about a month, and then because everything was still closed down and no traveling and stuff like that, um, we went ahead and broke that match, and then I got matched with the second couple. Okay, okay, and they were um stateside, and so was the third.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, so because so that means you started this process in 2019, 2019-ish, maybe 2018, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:I think it was like end of 2018, and then we did the transfer. No, I'm sorry, end of 2019, and then did the first transfer March of 2020.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, so wow, shut down, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it was literally we did the transfer in like March, like shortly after I got back. That's when COVID started like rearing its head. Yeah, by the like next month after that, that's when everything shut down.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, crazy. So, did you because you said they were from Canada? So you went to Canada to do a transfer, they didn't have their embryos here.
SPEAKER_03:I went up to Canada to do that one. It was my first time leaving the country, so that was fun.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, that's very interesting.
SPEAKER_03:It is hard. Was it Toronto or Ontario? One of the O's, yeah. Um, and while we were there, uh, as soon as I got done with the transfer, I walked outside and there was like a protest going on through the streets for I think it was like Save the Plants or something, it was some type of uh planet protest.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, that's fun.
SPEAKER_03:It was like a mob of people, it was so cool.
SPEAKER_02:That's cool. I've never seen like a protest. I'm I'm intrigued just a little bit, and we don't even have to go into it, but it's a Canadian couple, and they're not using a Canadian surrounding surrogate because Canadian surrogates right now are just reimbursed for costs and expenses, it's not like this whole fee thing that you know stateside people get. So that's very interesting to me. Was there ever a discussion on that?
SPEAKER_03:Yes, that actually was a question that I asked. I was like, considering, you know, the fact that you don't necessarily have to compensate surrogates there, what made you go out of space? And it's because they don't compensate surrogates there, so there aren't a lot of them to do any surrogate.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, a very short supply.
SPEAKER_03:Typically, it's like a friend doing a favor or a family member doing a favor. It's not very common that there's just like you know, strangers match together.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, that makes a lot of sense. Because we've talked to some Canadian surrogates who just seemed like, oh yeah, we had matched and da-da-da. It just seemed like it was so like easy going. That makes a lot of sense. But I guess if you're in the niche of of surrogacy in Canada, then you know the people you know the places the people to talk to, yeah. Yeah, exactly. But if you're not, then it's like don't know where to go. Yeah, wow. Okay, so then so when did you match when did you get rematched because of COVID?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I want to say it was maybe three months after that match was broken. Yeah, everything has always been very like wow snap. And with that couple, um I want to say I was matched. I think it was before my birthday or right around my birthday, one of those two, which is in September.
SPEAKER_04:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um September 2020. And then with them, I think we did our first for them. We did two transfers, and they were also fairly quickly because they were rushing the agency through the process of as far as like legal and the medical clearance and everything like that. So I want to say we were transferring three, four months after. Okay, was it before the end of the year?
SPEAKER_02:Was it before the end of that year, or was it beginning of the following?
SPEAKER_03:The first transfer was before the end of that year.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, that is fast. Okay, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And then this it didn't take, and then they wanted me to do a natural cycle for the second one instead of a medicated one. Okay. Um, so with that one, I want to say we did the transfer because they were the baby was born in February. I believe we did the transfer for that May or June.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, somewhere around that. It would be right.
SPEAKER_03:It would be May.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, right. Okay, that makes sense. And that took, obviously. Just one embryo. Yes. Okay. And did they know boy girl? Did they do testing prior to?
SPEAKER_03:Did they um I believe the first embryo was I want to say that one was a girl, the second one was a boy.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay. And did you get to know that before? Yes, that's okay. I like that. That's always a fun one. Okay, so so transfer takes, and you did a natural cycle. Can you go into a little bit of that? Those always fascinate me. I'm like, what? How natural?
SPEAKER_03:Well, natural cycles are a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of doctors' comments because you have to go in like every couple of days for them to check to see your like do your follicle count, or I think that's what it's called. And as you get closer, like once they think, okay, we're this is good, then like the week after that, you're getting a transfer. Okay. So it's like very fast from like, okay, she's ready to we gotta do this now.
SPEAKER_02:How natural? Oh, sorry, I was gonna say, how natural is it then? Are you still on meds?
SPEAKER_03:I think the only thing I was taking was um the estrogen, yeah, to pump up the line. Yeah, and that was only that was the what are those things called? The suppositories. That's the only part that I hated about is because I I will ooh, I could write a novel about how much I hate those things.
unknown:Gross.
SPEAKER_02:I would rather take all shots, right?
SPEAKER_03:Thank you. Like I will I will do four shots a day.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Before we do a single because it's one and done, or it's two shots and done. It's not the goop all day, all night. You're like, Yeah. Duck.
SPEAKER_03:It was gross.
SPEAKER_02:So after transfer, do you go on progesterone? Do you go on progesterone after transfer? Do you remember?
SPEAKER_03:I mean, yes, yes, okay. Okay. It's a shorter time frame because it's just from pregnancy to 12 weeks.
SPEAKER_00:12 weeks. Yes, okay. So you're not doing it ahead of time. Okay, got it. Crazy. And that was needles. Is it what?
SPEAKER_03:Except it's a few less needles, but I honestly prefer needles.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I feel it. Well, especially someone who's gonna be a nursing student. I follow you, I see you. Are you excited? I'm transferring to I'm I'm transferring this conversation to bed. Are you excited for that?
SPEAKER_03:I'm so excited. I'm very nervous, but I'm so excited. I was about to cry.
SPEAKER_02:Are you at the beginning of it? Like you haven't like gone into nursing school at all, like this is like first day type stuff.
SPEAKER_03:Correct. Yeah, the only thing I've done is the prereqs, and that was all pretty much all of last year. Okay. Um, and then I finished everything, including a couple of my general ed classes for the nursing program at the beginning of this year. So I got to take the summer off to kind of decompress and prepare myself for school to start.
SPEAKER_02:Good deal. I'm so excited for you.
SPEAKER_01:You're gonna be an awesome nurse. I remember our conversation from last year, and you definitely need to be in this field.
SPEAKER_02:So very excited for you.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:All right, okay, okay. So um, so you get pregnant. How are you feeling? Like, is everything going smoothly?
SPEAKER_03:Yes, but that one, the the second journey, but like first successful transfer, that one was very smooth. I didn't have any complications, no issues, no nothing. Um, and even birth self was I didn't have like any labor pains or nothing. Like I was 40 weeks on the dot. The parents had just flown in like the day before. I was like 40 weeks exactly. And I was like, you know what? Let's just go have the baby. Why, why make you guys wait? Yeah, so I was like, I was like, I'm not in any pain, so I can't say this with 100% certainty, but I'm pretty positive I'm good to go. I went to the hospital and I was already dilated, contractions, four uh minutes apart. I was like, see, we didn't even have to wait. 24 hours, you got your kid.
SPEAKER_02:Oh gosh, that is very boom, boom, boom. That whole journey.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, the only thing that was like difficult about the um the labor portion was like I I got to like four centimeters and I was like stuck, and I was stuck there for like hours. So they uh eventually get uh induced me. Um and like even then, you know, still no contractual pains. I'm not in I'm not you know, felt pretty much nothing. Um but nice, you know, I kept get up to use the bathroom, and at this point it's like one, two o'clock in the morning. And every time I got up, the mom would get up to help me, and I felt bad because I'm like, no, sleep, it's fine, I'm okay. But every time I would get to sleep, she got up to help me. So I was like, I asked my nurse while she was sleeping. I was like, if I get the epidural, that means you have to give me a catheter, right? So I got the epidural so they could give me the catheter, so I would stop getting up to go to the bathroom so she could sleep. Oh, you're sweet.
SPEAKER_02:Sweet. Have you ever had an epidural? Like, did you have one with your children?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, with my kids, I needed it. It was not it wasn't a question. I that was painful. I don't know what it was about this one, but it was like fine, but like I was that annoying screaming lady with my kids.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, totally fair. We've all I feel like we've all had that one delivery where it's like unbearable and we're just like no, like get them out. Yeah, wow, okay. So after delivery, so parents are in the room, yeah, when you deliver. Yeah. So after delivery, do you all stay in the same room or do they get their own to do their you know, golden hour skin to skin?
SPEAKER_03:Um, we did stay in the room for a little while together to do like the skin to skin and everything like that. Um, I would say yeah, it's like a couple of hours later, then they were moved to their own room, but um, but we did all stay together for a little while.
SPEAKER_00:That's nice. Aw, sweet.
SPEAKER_03:It was like what'd you say?
SPEAKER_02:It was such a beautiful moment. I love that. Yeah, that's yeah, yeah, that's the best part. Yeah, that was the best part. So, out of curiosity, how old were your kids when you started this?
SPEAKER_03:I don't know, that was like 2019, I think was six years ago. Yeah, so my youngest was maybe one or two. Wow, little, and I think my oldest was like five or six.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, so they understood the older one, kind of understood what was going on.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, he loved to tell people when they would like congratulate me um uh you know with being pregnant, you know, just random person in the line at the grocery store. He's just like, it's not our baby. Love it, love it. I love it. I would just be like, thank you. You know, just to move on with my day, right? Now I gotta sit here and explain this thing because my kid has now blurted out something very strange. Yes, right, right.
SPEAKER_02:Yep, yeah, that's super cute. I love that.
SPEAKER_03:Anybody that would not our baby, it's not my mom's baby.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, my kids love that. Kennedy was one of them included. They would love it that when we'd walk into a restaurant and sit down, oh, are you excited to have a baby brother or sister? Kennedy would rip around and go, There's three in there and they're not ours. And I'd be like, Oh god, here we go again. Yeah, and then we'd sit down and the waitress would come over. So what is this? I hear, yeah. Kids, it's the wow factor. Come on, it's fun. Just want to get some food, didn't want to have to deal with all of that. But yes, I totally understand what you said.
SPEAKER_03:You carried triple, yeah, I did. Oh, that's amazing. I carried two and it almost took me out. Literally, I can't imagine three.
SPEAKER_01:Wow. Oh, so your secondary okay. Well, I guess we'll get into that.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, oh my goodness.
SPEAKER_03:My second was twins, right?
SPEAKER_02:I vaguely remember that. Yes, right. Okay, okay, so so baby's born and you get to leave hospital. It seems like a blissful journey, honestly, like as perfect as it could go.
SPEAKER_03:Super simple.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, I know and I I know that's definitely not the the second one, so not a preview to all, but um, so how long after your how long after you deliver are you like, okay, I want to sign up and do this again?
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay.
SPEAKER_03:Because it was so simple, I think by like June, I was already with another agency. So the baby was born in February. By June, I was with another agency, and I was matched by the end of August.
SPEAKER_02:Jeez, girl.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, six months. That's six months after. So they let you get matched within six months. Wow, that's important with the condition.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I wouldn't transfer until at minimum after February of the following year.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, like you were matched okay. Okay, fair. And the couple obviously was okay with that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, and because they uh assumed that you know the medical screening, the um legal and everything like that, they assumed that that was a couple of months anyway. So they were like, you know, to have to wait until February shouldn't even be a problem.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, great.
SPEAKER_03:And then I ended up needing to get the policy removed, so that also like gave us some more with you know, waiting for everything to be finished to put a transfer.
SPEAKER_02:Perfect, simple, okay wow. So okay, yeah. But when do you transfer? Yeah, so when's the transfer?
SPEAKER_00:And then I yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So it was pretty much right around the same time. I did a transfer in May for the twins, and we did a no, I'm sorry, June. They were both right around the same time. I can't remember which one was which, one of them was in May, one of them was in June. Let's say the twins enough were May. Because I think they're yeah, their due date was the end of February. Okay, and we all had looks like this little joke that when they're born on a leap year. Oh they were born on a leap year? Two of them, and then they also that was when their due date was. Ah! Funny!
SPEAKER_02:How funny hilarious that's not when they were born, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:No, okay, no, no, no, no, no.
SPEAKER_03:Okay, so with so yeah, with that pregnancy we do they put two embryos in or does it split? So that one was a double embryo transfer. The parents wanted to heighten the chances of um the transfer working the first time. Okay and they initially asked, was I okay with it? At first, I said I don't think so, just because I've heard you know, really bad things about doing double embryo transfers, you know, they split too many times, and yeah, um, yeah. So I initially I was like, no, I don't I don't know, I'll pass. And then like I think like maybe like two days later, I was like, you know what? Actually, no, these people seem very nice. And if they if this makes them feel comfortable and confident, you know, I'll do that. And it was so funny after the transfer was over. I was like, you know, I'm just saying, whenever something weird can happen, it does with me. So I'm just like, just be prepared to have twins. They're both gonna take. I don't I don't know this for a fact yet, but I'm pretty sure they're both gonna take.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, yeah, look at you being all intuitive. Wow.
unknown:Oh wow.
SPEAKER_00:So how soon after that do you know they both take at the ultrasound?
SPEAKER_03:Um, yeah, heartbeat confirmation. They found two heartbeats.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl.
SPEAKER_03:Boy, boy, so two boys.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you care. Were your boy? Were your beta? Was your first beta really high? Do you remember?
SPEAKER_03:Yes, it was like 900 or something.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, okay. There you go. I'd be thinking triplets on that point, or twin or yeah, 900 Jiminy Crickets.
SPEAKER_03:That's yeah, after that, it was like in the four digits, yeah, kept doubling. Oh my god. I know they say, Yeah, I'm like, I know they say don't go off of the bait of the pelogus. This seems a little excessive.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's a lot.
SPEAKER_02:So, okay, so okay, so you have heartbeat, it's confirmed that's two. Are parents like super stoked?
SPEAKER_03:Yes, they were so excited, and there's like this is the greatest blessing we could have ever asked for. You know, we wanted just one baby, and now we're gonna have two. Like, it was so adorable once they were told, and I got to see what their reaction was. It was I loved it, it was so great.
SPEAKER_02:Did you did you get to tell them, or like were they there and like you all found out together?
SPEAKER_03:Um, no, I waited for them to get um like the results and stuff back from I believe the clinic. I don't remember if it was the clinic or my agency, but I waited for them to like notify them just so it could be like a surprise. If I reach out after this appointment, it's gonna be real obvious.
SPEAKER_02:That's true, that's true. Oh, that's fun. Okay, all right. So this is a different pregnancy, right? How are you feeling? It's a double, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So it was I've been I'm like an asymptomatic pregnancy type of person. I normally I don't get the nausea, the tiredness, the backaches, the weird food cravings. Like I typically I would I'm one of those people that would like forget they're pregnant until they look down and see the belly.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, so nice.
SPEAKER_02:I love it.
SPEAKER_03:So yeah, within pregnancy, I felt everything so fast. It was like the tiredness hit me. I couldn't function. I like at one point set up a little mat upstairs for me to take a nap between like at my breaks at work and stuff. Because I was so even like the emotional stuff became like almost immediate. I remember one time I cried because I forgot what food I wanted. I want to say it was pizza, it was probably pizza. I wanted some pizza, but like the pizza that I wanted was downstairs, but I was too tired to go downstairs, and then I asked one of my kids to heat it up for me, and they heated it up, but then they went outside before they brought it to me. So I'm sitting in my office just crying my eyes out, and my husband comes in, he's like, Hey, what's wrong?
SPEAKER_00:I'm like, I want my pizza. Oh poor thing, so many hormones. No, poor thing.
SPEAKER_03:I think I might have been like 10 or 12 weeks at that point. So I wasn't even like deep into the trenches yet. I was just crying.
SPEAKER_02:And does your does your uterus and your tummy like start to get bigger and bigger and bigger? Like you're like maybe 12 weeks, but you look like you're six months. Did that hit you or no?
SPEAKER_03:Yes. So like my pregnancy, um, it did it only made it two six months. Okay, but at six months, I looked nine months, right? Yeah, I kept making this joke that I was gonna be the new shamu at Sea World. Like, I am huge, and you look petite, you looked super like teeny, yeah. Oh, yeah, when when I got pregnant, I think I was like 110, maybe 115 pounds. Yeah, so it it literally looked like I had just like a balloon that was blown to like maximum capacity.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, okay, so dive into that. Why why wait, why does it only go to six months?
SPEAKER_03:Does your complications obviously so it was it was a really weird situation? So um I was at an uh at the time I owned a candle company and I was doing an event that was happened to be right across the street from the hospital that was supposed to be giving birth at.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:And I don't know, something about it, I was like, this feels like it's a bad idea. Being this close to my birthing hospital feels like I'm jinxing it. Oh and while I'm there, like nothing's wrong, I'm not in any pain. I'm not like, you know, there's there's no issue. I just feel like something's wrong. Okay, and so I go to the bathroom. Um, and when I wipe, there's like a big chunk of my mucus plug in there, and like that's normally not anything like too alarming because you could lose it a couple of times while you're pregnant. So yeah, and I'm like, it's wins for you to lose it early, that makes kind of sense, whatever. But something just I don't know, it just didn't feel right.
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SPEAKER_03:Good for you. So yeah, it it had it was like a little like brown, like it maybe had like blood in it a little bit, but like just barely. Um, so I called my coordinator. I was like, hey, I know this is probably nothing, but um, I went to the bathroom just now and my mucus plug seems to be coming out. Um is it okay if I go to the hospital? I was like, I know this sounds really stupid. I'm so sorry to even bother you. And she was like, Oh no, you're fine. And you know, just to ease your mind, yeah, you're right. You know, when it comes to you know, mucus plug, you know, there's nothing to be, you know, super alarmed about. Um, but just to give us all some peace of mind, give a call to. To uh the on-call nurse for our OB, have let them know what's going on and see what they want you to do.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:So I called them, um, left message. They called me back like two minutes later. Um, they were like, it's probably nothing, but because it does have blood in it, go ahead and go to the ER just to make sure. Okay. So my friend was with me. So she stayed at my booth. I called an Uber to get driven across the street. Um and when I get there, you know, because it's a hospital and it's it's a baby and like a women and babies hospital. So it's a literal birthing hospital. It's it's almost its whole purpose is just for birth.
SPEAKER_04:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:Um, so I was like, I know they're not gonna take me seriously if I just walk in here like, hey, um, I don't know what's wrong. I just feel like something's wrong. So I start kind of like putting on a little bit of a show. I'm just like, oh, it hurts. You know, I'm I'm feeling some like pains, you know, and I forgot what else I said, but I I kind of like hyped it up a little bit. Um, so they then go see me. The doctor comes in, she's like, let's check, you know, your cervix just to see what's going on since you said you're feeling some cramping. She barely gets her hand in there, and she's like slowly pulling out, like she's a little nervous, and I'm like, okay. And she's like, I can feel the sack for the baby. You're about three centimeters dilated. Yikes, and I'm like, at that point, I kind of like disassociated a little bit. I started like I could my chest got tight, and I'm like, oh no. So I reach out to my coordinator, let her know what's going on. She lets the parents know. Um, obviously, at this point, they're gonna admit me to the hospital. Uh, because she's like, it's not just like you can feel it on the rim, she's like, it's bulging out.
SPEAKER_04:Whoa.
SPEAKER_03:And so I get admitted, and I was in the hospital for about five days, and on day three, I got up to use the bathroom again, and my water broke. Oh, but they keep me on the medication, like they gave me the shot and everything to help the baby's lungs and brain develop and all that. They did that the first day. Um because you're six months at this point, like 24 weeks. 20 well, not exactly. I am it's the week before, six weeks. Okay, um, so I don't know whether it was five weeks and four days or something like that, whatever it was. Okay, I wasn't quite fully six weeks yet, but they were born six weeks, uh six months exactly. Okay, okay. And so I'm there for like five days by day three. My water broke. Um, but they were like, you know, we're gonna try to see if we can, you know, keep them in there a little bit longer because the goal was to try to get me to 28 weeks at minimum, then you know, hopefully 34 at the best, like best case scenario. Um, but typically with you know, your water breaking, because now that is potential for like infections and things like that. They were like, okay, this isn't likely gonna happen, but they gave it, you know, two more days just to let them um develop a little more. But like the morning that they were born, I just remember it was another one of those, like nothing is wrong with me, but I just feel like something isn't right.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:So I'm like, I don't feel like contractions, but I feel like a pinching. And so I start timing it, and it's like three, four minutes apart. And I'm taking screenshots like of my phone every time I feel one, so I can see like what time it is and what the progression is. And I show my nurse when she comes in that morning at like I don't know, it's the the six o'clock wake up because um, and she's just like, Oh, well, I don't see anything on the monitors, it doesn't the the monitors aren't picking up any contractions. Um, so it's you know, just probably just some discomfort, kind of just you know, brushes it off. And um, and then the I don't know, maybe like an hour or two later, uh, she comes back again because the monitor came off. Um, and the baby they weren't picking up one of the heart rates anymore. Okay, and I'm like, she's trying to find it, and I'm like, I I'm pretty sure I'm having contractions. So she's looking at the monitor, still not picking up anything. And I'm like, all right, y'all are not taking me seriously. So I'm like, I do it again. I crank up the theatrics, like I start crying. Now I'm like, oh, it hurts, like this is I I feel some pain, like da-da-da-da-da. So now that I am actively crying, she calls in the nurse, uh, calls a doctor, has them come in and check everything. Um, oh, and I almost forgot. A little bit after the first time she came in, and I told her I thought I was having contractions, my OB came in to visit me. Um, and I told her, you know, I I know they're saying it's not on the monitors, but I feel like I'm having contractions, blah blah blah blah. She said she'll let the uh nurses and staff know or whatever, and they'll see if someone can come in and check me out. But then like an hour and a half passes by, and that's when I'm now talking to the nurse for the second time.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:Um, and then like yeah, like I said, I am I'm like cranking up the the drama classes, you know. And the doctor finally comes in. He's like, Okay, I uh you know, you you know, you're looking uncomfortable. I uh you know, it seems like you're having contractions. Let me go in and check. And when they do, they feel the baby's feet hanging out. So I'm like, I knew something was wrong. And so the doctor is just like, we're gonna have to do an emergency C section. The room like floods with people, right? And they like lay my bed down, get me prepared to start moving, and like the doctor whispers in my ear, you're not crazy, you were right. And I'm like, Oh, I knew it. Look at that! Yeah, so I'm like, Thank you for like giving me that reassurance because I I really felt like I'm here going crazy because I'm telling you guys something is wrong. I can't tell you why, I just know. Right, they need to listen to women more. I'm telling you, they need to listen. Yep, they do, they do.
SPEAKER_02:Where are the parents at this point? Do you mind me jumping in and asking that? Where are the parents when they're feeling afoot and you're being prepped for C-section? Where are they?
SPEAKER_03:Um they were uh they were close by, they were at um their hotel, they had already flown in by this time. I think they had flown down the second day. Okay I was in the hospital. Yeah, okay, and they came to the mom's mom was with her as well.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, great. Can I just say good for you for advocating for yourself? Because clearly no one else in that hospital was doing that for you. And again, I go back to the the Friday facts that sticks with me the most was talking with you and Rachel, and um I always oh my gosh, I always pronounce her name wrong. I think it's Demetra. Demir Dem, yes, and um because that Friday facts opened my eyes to a lot of things, and I remember the comment that you ladies made after that was women aren't listened to, but especially black women in a hospital setting fall through the cracks, and like it really stuck with me.
SPEAKER_01:And like your story still stuck with me. Ugh, okay, sorry. Wow, so I'm I'd applaud you.
SPEAKER_02:We can take repeat that last part, same again.
SPEAKER_03:It's always expected that black women we have astigmatism that you know we can bear it all. And you know, when we complain, it's like it's literally taught in school that we have a higher pain tolerance. So when we complain about things, yes, it is literally taught in school that women that black women have a higher pain tolerance, and medical personnel hear that and think like she can take it, it's not that serious.
SPEAKER_02:Oh crap. Is that a real thing? Like, that's not a real thing, like, but no, no, I mean, like, I guess it's like a real saying, but it's it's that's not like a real scientific proof, is it?
SPEAKER_03:No, I I can't I honestly I have no idea.
SPEAKER_02:Everybody tolerates pain so differently. My pain at a 10 could be Kennedy's pain at a three, and that's right, that that it shouldn't be race-based, like that's ridiculous. I can't even like I'm sorry. Wow, that's horrible. And for him to whisper in your ear that you were right, that you were right. Can I ask, was he was he African American or was he a Caucasian doctor? Um he was either white or Hispanic.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, too.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, but so for him for him to whisper that in your ear, kudos to that doctor because it shouldn't have gotten that far. It you should have been paid attention to you the first time.
unknown:Yeah, god dang, that's crazy.
SPEAKER_02:Oh my gosh. Okay, so they're they're they're rushing you. Where's your husband?
SPEAKER_03:Um, he I believe was at home. Yeah, he was at home at the time, um, with our boys, but we lived like 45 minutes away. So he we wasn't gonna get there in time either way. But the one of the nurses um was trying to like as soon as they as soon as I left the room, my mind just left. I I was yeah, present. I'm like trying to process everything. Like I felt like I was walking next to my body while it all of this was happening, like watching it.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:And she's trying to ask me what's the password to my phone so she can call my husband and let him know what's going on. Oh, and it took me a minute to even comprehend the question and then give her the the answer. But she was able to call him, let him know what was happening. Um, and I was able to text the parents before I even got out of the room because I already had my phone open and ready to give them an update because I was literally in the middle of typing one for them as soon as when the doctor came in. Because I was giving them a text message like at least once every hour, once like daylight hitch.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_03:Um, but yeah, they rushed me into the to have the C-section. Um, they're getting me ready for like the epidural and everything, um, and like putting up the the curtain and all that. And the anesthesiologist is like poking my back to make sure that I'm numb. Oh and I still feel it. So I'm like wincing and like moving when he pokes me. Um and he asks me, Do I still feel that? And I just like nod my head, yes. So then I think he I don't know, upped it again or something. Um but I could still feel everything. And the surgeon, I just hear him yell, we can't wait anymore. And like I hear him yell, cut. So I was partially numb when the C-section happened. I wasn't fully sorry, partially is not numb. Okay, but what was numb? I think just like the top half of my body, like the bottom, I could still feel everything. Oh so I didn't feel him cut, but as soon as his hands went in, I could feel all of that, and all that pressure, and yes, and they at that point tried to put the the mask on, but it still took me a while to fall asleep. Yeah, and I'm like it hurt so much, I could not even scream. I was just there with my mouth open crying. Did you go into shocking? I thought I did, honestly. Right? I was trying to yell, but nothing was coming out. But like you could see my hands like flexing. Yeah, I think you're in shock. So they all came to hold my hands down to make sure I don't reach past the the curtain. Stop it.
SPEAKER_02:I can't. Okay, so unbelievable. So many things to say about that, but I'm shocked at the fact that if you weren't numb from like the bottom portion, how you weren't flailing everywhere. Like were well, right? Because you said they were holding your arms. I like I would be no, am I crazy, Mom? What you're no, no, no, no, my microphone fell. No, I'm agreeing with you, right? Her arms were going. Did they have your legs strapped too?
SPEAKER_00:Do you not feel like yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I'm thinking they probably had her restrained at some point. Like, I'm just assuming that from the medical field, just because there could have a lot of stuff could have gone wrong had she moved the wrong way when those babies were being that's what I'm saying. Like they didn't even wait, like that's putting your life in danger, yeah. And the babies, oh, I it was an emergency, like an emergency and emergency, not just oh, we're gonna do an emergency C section. This was an emergency and emergency emergency C section. Like, dear God, so do you even hear? Well, two questions do the babies cry when they come out, and do you hear that or are you knocked out at this point?
SPEAKER_03:So by the time he cut through everything and like was able to get them out, no, I didn't hear anything because I the one of the babies was still inside the sack, the other one was they had to like do a classic incision. Um, so he had to like reach down and up to get him out, and he wasn't breathing, so they had to start working on him immediately. Um, but yeah, I was I think I was out by the time they got to the second baby, yeah. But I finally like fell asleep, but I woke up again while they were sewing me up.
SPEAKER_04:What?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, hello, Mr.
SPEAKER_02:Mr. Anesthesiologist. Can you please make sure you have one job that your patient is completely out until the entire process is done? Like, I can't. You just have you ever had surgery before? I'm curious. Like a like a uh uh like an anesthetic surgery, yeah, where you're put under, like um, I don't know, like incision, like scarring.
SPEAKER_03:I don't know anything, like not only one time before, which is when I got the polyp removed. Um they did have to pay for that. Okay. Um but I fell asleep, you know, the normal count to 10. Yeah, they had the gas mask. Yeah, I was out before I finished, okay. And I woke up in uh recovery room. Yeah, okay. So you clearly it's people say I woke up sooner than that than they anticipated. They thought I was gonna be out for a couple of hours. I went out maybe like minutes after the procedure was done.
SPEAKER_02:So it seems that anesthesia, like for a not say for a normal individual, but the normal dose that's given to a normal an average-sized individual is just not effective for you. Like when I get um teeth work done, I have to have three shots of Novocaine or I'm not numb. Like, but that's nothing you would have known. Like, it's not. That's something for the anesthesiologist to have known. You your heart rate starts to go up, you're starting to wake up, give her more. Like I oh my god, I'm so sorry. So, what happens when you wake up? Yeah, are you numb and just awake?
SPEAKER_03:You said, Well, I'm sorry, you cut out a little bit. I need to go. Oh, sorry.
SPEAKER_02:When you wake up, are you like numb and awake, or are you back to like where we were before you fell asleep?
SPEAKER_03:You're feeling the threading, you're feeling it. No, yeah, no, no, no. By the time I woke up, at that point, I think whatever was supposed to numb me had fully kicked in at that point because I didn't feel anything anymore, but I was also only awake for maybe like 10 seconds. I was awake long enough to ask, where's my husband? And are the babies okay? And then I was back to sleep. Oh yeah, I heard the nurse answer your we called your husband, and um they're working on the babies right now, and then I was out.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay. Oh my god. Oh Lauren. Oh my god, there's two separate chaotic situations going on right now, Lauren and then these two babies. No, so do both of the babies need to be worked on? Let's start with the babies.
SPEAKER_03:Do both of the babies need to be worked on, or is it just the one? Just the one who had the the sack break the the couple of days before.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, okay, and now you Jesus. Oh my god. Okay, so you go to recovery again after you're done with the we go to physical recovery. Yeah, that's a lot of mental that happened too. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, when next time I woke up, my husband was next to me, and we were in the little recovery bay before they take me upstairs to my room.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, and how do you get the information? I well, hold on. Do both babies make it?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes, they're both fine. Okay, so how do you get that information that both babies are okay?
SPEAKER_03:So initially, um, because when I how do I explain this? Um, initially the babies are still under me until because by Florida law, I have to sign my parental rights over to the parents. Oh so the babies are under my like medical chart. So I can check on through that.
SPEAKER_00:Excellent. Okay, interesting.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, so I was able to um like still see them and everything. And I think once the paperwork was processed, then they were removed from my chart, and then I had to like ask the parents, you know, how's everything going? Um, because I couldn't also no longer get updates from the nurses or anymore because at that point they're no longer mine.
SPEAKER_02:Got it.
unknown:Got it.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. So how you're in recovery from this C-section, like your husband's by you. We're like maybe an hour or two hours after procedure's done. When do you find out they're okay? Does somebody come and tell you that?
SPEAKER_03:No, I don't think so. I don't remember. I think I just checked my phone. Okay. Um saw like there was both babies were there, and then they both had like updates. So I was like, okay, they're both good.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, how are you when you wake up?
SPEAKER_03:Um, I was happy. I was still very drugged up. Um I was smiling, but the first thing that I remember saying was, I'm alive. Yes. Because when I finally did fall asleep in the operating room, I literally thought I had died. I thought I had gone into shock from the pain, and I thought I was dying when I fell asleep. It was wow. Yeah, I just I felt a lot of emotions as I was falling asleep.
SPEAKER_02:I bet you did. I bet it was terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.
SPEAKER_03:Yes, all I was thinking about is like, are these babies gonna get how are my kids gonna take this? And like wondering like my husband, what's gonna go with happen with him? And like, because I know they called him, I know he called my parents. Like these were all thoughts that were like swarming in my brain while this was all happening.
SPEAKER_02:And as you're trying to be put under all of this, is oh my god.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_02:So how much yeah, sorry, how much time? And it's a weird question, but I'll explain it. How much time did you lose? And what I mean by that is from the time you felt yourself going to sleep and having all of those thoughts till the time you now are awake and husband sitting next to you, is it six hours? Is it 12? Uh I lost 12 and I'll never get it back. And it it haunts me to this day when I had a C-section. Do you know how many hours you lost?
SPEAKER_03:I don't even think it was that long. Okay, I want to say because they were born I think at like 10 a.m.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_03:9 or 10 a.m. I wanna say I was awake around like noon, maybe one. Oh wow, okay, good. Okay, yeah, so I know I don't I don't think I made it quite to like six hours, but okay, I know I wasn't out for long.
SPEAKER_02:Babies obviously went to NICU, right? They're like six month, 24 weekers, 25 weekers. They went to NICU. So when do you get to go up and see them? Because they're still under you, as you mentioned, right? Under your chart. Do you have access to the NICU?
SPEAKER_03:No, um, by the end of that day, they were taken off of my chart. Um, I wasn't able to because like they came in and they I they knew I was a surrogate, so they were already ready to go to like yeah, do all the things. Um and like the like I said, the parents were already there, so it wasn't even one of those situations where it's like yeah, so I wasn't able to physically see them. Um honestly, I didn't see them in person until January or February. It was like a day or two before they were scheduled to be um flown to a hospital.
SPEAKER_02:Have you ever thought about growing your family but aren't sure what your options are? Or maybe you're someone who wants to help others experience the joy of parenthood. That's where Paying It Forward surrogacy comes in. Paying It Forward Surrogacy is a full-service surrogacy agency that guides intended parents and surrogates through every step of the journey with compassion, transparency, and personalized care. From matching to legal support to emotional wellness, they make what can feel overwhelming feel deeply human and supported. Whether you're considering surrogacy to grow your family or you're ready to become a surrogate yourself, paying it forward surrogacy is there to walk beside you every step of the way. When what month were they born in? November. November. And you don't get to see them until beginning of January, right before they're ready to fly to a hospital in the state they live.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think it was what yeah, I think it was like end of end of January, early February.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, so it's do you get pictures? Do the parents show you some pictures of them?
SPEAKER_03:So after they were born, um, it was a little weird. Um, like any communication was me reaching out to them um to see how they were doing, to see how the babies are doing. Um, I do think they sent me a picture about 30 days after they were born, and I know I got one um for New Year's. And then I think, and honestly, it wasn't until the day before I came in um to visit that they even acknowledged anything. You know, I got it, wasn't until then that I was told, you know, thank you for what you've done. We really appreciate everything. And the message even started with, I know it may seem like there's some animosity here, but you know, it's actually the opposite. And I'm like, the fact that you started the message with that kind of implies that you know how this has been going. Right. Um, but like I was very conflicted as you know, the person that was essentially just here to do a job. And yeah, like I was conflicted, and knowing that you know, every day for them, every minute for them is uh holding their breath because of the state that their children were born in. But at the same time, it's just like I exist. I also went through something traumatic for them to even be here to have that fighting chance. Yes, and even just the conditions in which I went under, there was nothing wrong with me. I just knew something was wrong, and instead of brushing it off like I could have, yeah, I put your kid first.
SPEAKER_00:100%, Lauren. 100%. Did you say that to them? No, because I'm I know. I know, I get it. I get it that is. I get it.
SPEAKER_02:I am curious though, Lauren. So when this whole thing happened, like the day, the day after, did they talk to you? Did they approach you? Did they they didn't say anything?
SPEAKER_03:I did not see them again until the day before uh I mean to the day I went to go visit.
SPEAKER_00:But hold on. With the C-section, you're in the hospital for a good three days, sometimes five, depending on how that recovery is going. So how long were you in the hospital after that c-section?
SPEAKER_03:Uh three and a half days.
SPEAKER_02:And their babies were in that hospital as well, literally a floor apart, maybe two, who knows? It's an elevator ride, and they couldn't come say thank you, and just like check on you. No, Lauren, I am gonna cry for you. That these very sorry.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, the only time we spoke was when I reached out to them to get updates and see how they were doing and checking on them, or it was like they would only reach out to me if there was like some type of logistical thing that they needed me for.
SPEAKER_02:Right. I'm I don't I I have no words. I'm I'm so so sorry. I have words.
SPEAKER_00:Not the words you can say on a podcast, but okay. I have those words.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, I just want to say one, I'm sorry, because you're a human being and you deserve respect. And while I while I can sympathize with how like the emotions and like nobody's ever given a book on how to deal with this, and their babies are in the NICU and fighting for their lives, 100% absolutely. But you also kind of fought for yours, like let's get real here, you did, and in order to bring their children Earth side. So the most simple thing that could have been done was we appreciate what you did. We're like, thank you. Like it could just be two sentences, and then it's just like, okay, they acknowledged my existence, they acknowledged their the respect for me, they're gonna go deal with their kids. And I know you as a person would be like, Yeah, like I'm not looking to talk to you every single day. Your kids are in the Nick you like what? Like, I'm a human, I understand that I'm a mom. Like, but it's the simple fact of treating one another with respect and you 100% by this story, right? Because I wasn't involved, but by this story, you're 100% right. You could have, and a lot of people not dissing anybody, they possibly would have just brushed it off and been like, huh, like I'm gonna go home for the day, like when that happened. And you were like, I have a feeling I'm gonna go. A nurse brushed her off already while she was in the hospital. Yeah, and before you even went over, like, because when you lost the mucus plug, I want to say your coordinator brushed you off. She didn't, but she's like, Yeah, that happens, but you know, let's just get chugged out. You knew you stuck on it, you did some theatrics to get noticed, which is so sad you haven't had to do that. Somebody should just take your word for it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you're the reason that they made it as far as they did you and only you.
SPEAKER_02:Um, you are had you not had those instinctual feelings, there there could we could have been talking about a different situation here, and I'm not even gonna put it out in the universe, but we could have been for sure, and I'm goosebumpy already. I I can't like Lauren. What you did was heroic, superhero, phenomenal, outrageous. I'm gonna cry because you are the re I swear to god, you are the reason those babies made it so long, and you know you have to know that if you don't, you have to know it was you.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, now I can eat it.
SPEAKER_03:It was one of the reasons why it hurts so much to kind of be brushed to the side when everything was said and done. Because even like I can even understand, you know, not wanting to come to the room because what if you know, while you're in there, something happens to your baby. I can even understand you not physically, but you know, yeah, text me and say, hey, we appre like you said, two sentences. We appreciate what you did. Thank you. Like, even at the end of you know, the conversations when I was reaching out to them, it was just, you know, hope you have a great recovery. Um, you know, it uh I hope you heal up well, or like on Thanksgiving, and I kind of took I kind of took this as a shot at me, I'm not gonna lie. Um on Thanksgiving, I sent them a text message, you know, saying that I was grateful um, you know, that everything worked out as well as it could have with the the kids' birth. And I'm grateful that, you know, they're still fighting, you know, and you guys are still. able you know to keep it it together as much as you can. And they were like they sent me back a message saying thank you. We appreciate that. You know, and we're so grateful for the amazing staff here at the hospital for doing everything that they can to help our kids and you know help us. Like and that was the end of the message.
SPEAKER_02:We're not thankful for the we're grateful for the amazing surrogate we had that helped get our children earth side and gave them the fighting chance because it just seemed like something was going to go down with that when what at the first tinges of you saying this just doesn't feel right. You know like but without you it wouldn't be this scenario. It would have been a way negative scenario. Nobody would be talking about two babies. Can I just put out like a P PSA? The simple fact no seriously because it's infuriating because I was definitely not in your situation but I was definitely blamed for an early delivery um even though 100% not my fault. Just like this is not like 100% not your fault. And so just like PSA to everyone in the universe we cannot we women are amazing. We are awesome we are magical miracle workers but guess what if I could control every pregnancy as a woman there wouldn't be infertility on women's side let's just put that there. So don't put the blame on a woman who is carrying a baby and if something happens in that pregnancy whether it's tragic or a bump in the road 100% not her fault. Not her fault. Maybe the 1% time she you know but probably not like let's get real here. So even if not even if because it really does sound like especially since that was the sentence that they said to you like oh you know there's no aminosity well if there's none then why why did you start it that way because clearly you felt some way toward you Lauren as like oh well it's her fault. That's how I'm kind of reading that and I when I disagree I can't I can't imagine how you feel because I was there and they made you feel that way. Yeah I'm so sorry because that is to go through a physically and mentally traumatic experience to then have to deal with that like excuse me so so is the agency involved in any of this like did you tell them how they were treating you like like were they aware I understand they have babies in the NICU I understand that. But you're a human so does your coordinator get involved does your agency get involved what nothing they just kind of okay you guys birthed you're done so I did you know she didn't know you know the extent of what was going on and what happened and you know I told her how you know I was feeling but at the time I was very like I took a pacifist approach to you know what was going on.
SPEAKER_03:So I didn't you know tell her you know I I feel any type of way or you know they're not reaching out to me. No they're they're not acting like I matter it wasn't until maybe a few weeks later okay I was that I started to express like I this is really starting to hurt my feelings and like on top of that because they were born early I also did not get the full compensation for carrying the pregnancy I actually got paid less this time around than I did to carry a single baby. And it just she had she she had the baby at six months so she didn't make it to her full end of the contract that's in every contract and it sucks that it's there but yeah and then like I expressed to her that you know I was mentally like really struggling with everything trying to process like my emotions the physical part of it like every time I breathed it was like a panic because you just don't know which one of those emotions is gonna send like that sharp pain through your body and dealing with that feeling alone and like abandoned you know throughout this for the surrogacy process and not knowing how or what's okay for me to feel when it comes to the situation because part of me is just like I can't blame them. Their kids are in the state that they're in but also I am a person I have feelings I went through something for them and they forgot about me. Yes and horrible um she was like I asked if was it possible to you know have them um pay for like me to get like talk to a therapist because I know that that was initially part of our contract for me like while I was pregnant I just didn't know if it could still do it while I wasn't anymore. And she was like yeah that should be no problem um let me just reach out to them and you know see what they say. And within like an hour she came back and was just like actually so we are just gonna have to see if we can like look through the insurance to see if we can find someone covered that way. Which basically implied that they were like no we're not gonna do that. Right. Wow like you're told struggling no not really I think when the babies got to about like six months um I just stopped reaching out because at that point I felt like a bother because I would wait I would literally like set reminders in my calendar to make sure like I didn't reach out too soon because like I wanted updates like every week but again I did not want to bother them so I made sure not to contact them more than three weeks at a time wow wow was there anything in the contract about how post birth would go like contact wise or the was there anything in that you'd get pictures every birthday or holidays no okay because I know yeah because when we first started the journey that was the kind of like verbalized like this is what we're wanting from okay so right putting it in the contract didn't really seem necessary I guess at least not on my end. Right but after like they returned six months I was just like I asked one more time just to make sure like everything was still fine and I just didn't reach up again I want to hug you right now.
SPEAKER_02:You are and you so strong so strong did you get something wrong but you're also inspirational I'm sorry I just want to say this you're very inspirational because even though maybe this exact situation hasn't happened to many others I can relate to you in a certain way and I know a lot of other girls can too and I know that when you have talked about your story especially on the Friday facts a lot of girls um felt a type of way and very much empathized and sympathized with you and it's just it makes me really sad that you that you that no one was there for you. Nobody like no one was there for Lauren and Lauren is a good person and Lauren deserves that. And we're in 20 was it 2024 or 2023 that they were born um they were born in 23 okay 2023 to not have support for the surrogate who's going through something very very traumatic as well as the parents I get that I get that that that's just a given but it's the surrogate you you need help. Did you get some help?
SPEAKER_03:Did you get to talk to somebody yeah and and also just to make sure that they do get you know credit where it's due I think like two months after I stopped reaching out I think they realized that I stopped reaching out um and they sent me like a really long message you know giving me an update on how the boys were doing and saying like you know they've just been very busy you know our relationship isn't done yet you know they'll come back at some point to Florida because they want to do like a Disney trip when the boys are ready. And you know I responded just any normal way just like oh that's so great. I'm happy to hear everybody is doing well you know definitely let us know when you guys are in town we would love to you know say see them and you know introduce my family to them and all that wow and I never heard from them after that though but they did at least reach out yeah that one time I guess once they noticed that you keep reaching yeah yeah and then I did um post something on Instagram about um like kind of sharing my story just to like put some awareness out. Yes and I sent them a message to let them know like hey I'm about to post about this um that was nice of you yeah they were nice of you like at that time I was not 100% certain that they knew what the birthing experience was like for me because I didn't know if my coordinator had shared that with them and I certainly didn't at that point. And like I was talking about it on my TikTok but I don't know if they were watching any of that considering what was going on with their kids. And then they posted something for the baby's hundred days and they also reciprocated like give me a heads up like hey but it wasn't like a we're about to post about babies just to give you a heads up kind of thing. It was they were celebrating the hundred days and they weren't going to mention that they used a surrogate. So they wanted to give me a heads up that I was not going to be included in that celebration and they just didn't want it to like throw me off and like they wanted to let me know like it's not anything against you. We're just not ready to let the world know we needed a surrogate yet or let our friends and family know we needed a surrogate yet.
SPEAKER_02:So was that always the plan not to my knowledge I didn't I was gonna say because usually they're told usually surrogates are told beforehand like hey like you know we're gonna pretend or you know whatever it is hide it something like that. I've I've heard of stories like that where everybody's very transparent up front but not like that. That's very interesting.
SPEAKER_03:But um you did ask me another question. We did sorry what it was uh oh I well I said are you still in contact with them so not now clearly you were sharing you share you shared your story um and you let them know and we were like that's that's how I did they comment on any of that on your feed okay did you comment on their hundred days um I did like the post just to be like I saw this but no I didn't say anything. Yeah because I am trying to you know just like normal like before just trying to be respectful of you know what's going on in their lives what they choose to share has nothing to do with me.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah I yeah yeah it's a really hard one it's I just still don't feel that you're you are being looked at by them in the correct light like for what you did for what you sacrificed your family sacrificed for for what you did to allow them to now be parents it's it's huge Lauren and it's just huge any surrogate who gives of themselves and their families to help up another couple or or a or a single person. But what you went through that's a lot layer after layer after layer after layer and it just and to get no recognition for them I oh that's what you asked was I getting help okay there you go yes we got back to it um so this year I actually did start therapy um and when I told my therapist what happened she was even in shock she could not speak had no words just she was like I I don't even for you to still be able to function in the way that you have been since all that occurred she was like I'm proud of you honestly yeah 100% you either you disassociated or you are so compartmentalized like that's what I do it's like uh this trauma isn't gonna stay over here life's gonna go on over here it'll pop in every now and then but like it lives in its own land yeah that's essentially how that worked I'm very good at compartmentalizing my emotions and my feelings so it was it it was very put on a back burner and like when I'm in the shower okay feel the feels yeah yeah I get that yeah but good for you I'm I'm very you're you're moving I'm very sad but I'm very sad that your agency also just didn't step up and be like we're gonna get we are demanding that you go you could you reached out to them are like hey I need this to be honest speaking with agencies like we have this agency should have been like yep and even if they had to pay for it out of their own pocket rather than the parents they probably should have to me they should have you called you asked they should have just taken the bird and said listen we're gonna give you so many sessions if you need some after that we'll talk about it but here's 10. Yep we got it go go twice a week if you have to like to me if I were an owner of an aid that would have been no problem do it wouldn't have been a question because because you're too valuable as an individual not not not as a surrogate coming back to my agency no no no no no as an individual and a human who just did something miraculous and now you have all this trauma you have to deal with which is I I still I'm still trying to process it. Didn't even happen to me yeah I can't Lauren I just you're like this just little like light like I don't know I I I am so happy you're going to nursing school because I know look at you you're like you are gonna be phenomenal oh my gosh like you're gonna listen to everyone everybody move out of the way here she comes she's gonna be on top yup it was literally the reason why I decided to finally go to nursing school because like it's something that I've always thought about doing but like I didn't think that as far as like the studies go I didn't think I was gonna I was good enough to keep up with it.
SPEAKER_03:You're good but after feeling like I almost died and the experience that I had I was like I can't keep not allowing myself to a minimum give it a try.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah yeah yeah yeah fantastic so proud you're gonna make it so happy in labor and delivery is that what you're gonna do I was gonna say are you gonna go labor and delivery but I was afraid to ask yeah yeah I bet you are that's you go through my end goal there is to labor work with all the surrogates that's like one of the one of the nurses that worked with um in Kennedy's hospital she's like I work with all the surrogates I just love them and she was phenomenal phenomenal yeah I'm like that's gonna be my whole personality when I get there is like hey I was a surrogate if we ever see any of those me I love it I love it thank you for being so I I I can't think of open honest open and brave to come and share all this because seriously I didn't even know the extent of all of that when Kennedy said you were coming on and I was like and when you started talking about it my heart just went what yeah yeah I I I all the best to you seriously like all the good things need to come your way 100% they all well they seem like they are but hopefully they just keep stacking up yeah and how are you feeling like recovery wise like the whole C section and all of that have you healed like where you feel like you're kind of back to you or I'm just talking physically not mentally yeah um honestly I did recover uh I don't really I don't even know what timeline to be able to say I was very quickly but I think after like a month I was able to you know walk up and down the stairs without like worrying about you know or anything.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah that's pretty good so I was that was great. I I I expected myself to be you know down for longer than that but um I've always been uh a fast healer I guess you know even with my own pregnancies I was up walking around with my kids the same night that they were born all of my nurses were like ladies sit down take a load off your foot we got you just relax but I'm like okay love it that's cute wow so um I think I are we are this is it right that was that's the is that the end to your surrogacy journeys um yeah and at one point I was even considering like if it was you know enough time passed would I do it again but honestly with the way I was treated I just I cannot get myself to potentially go through that again and have myself dismissed that way again I'm honestly just too scared yeah don't blame you either yeah like you guys I could have lost my life yeah and it took you months to give me a thank you I just I can't do that again and what a thank you really if it was kind of half assed thank you sorry but kind of right starting with the words oh I know there no it looks like there's been animosity oh come on you don't start a conversation that way you know even if you're thinking it or you're feeling it that's not what you say but and it wasn't even until they were gonna see me in person. So I don't even feel like they did it of their own you know just right fruition right going to see her so we need to you know try to make this as little you know awkward as possible and even being able to see them if I wasn't checking in I got there like a couple of days before they were gonna be flown out of the state so if I wasn't reaching out the way I was I probably wouldn't have been able to see them at all. Right right now that's why all that's like oh god oh my gosh well I'm sure you have a lot but um do you have any advice for a surrogate what I have always said basically since that last journey is if you are going to be a surrogate you need to make sure that your heart is in it because if you're doing it for the wrong reasons when stuff like this happens or things like this can happen, it will tear you apart. Yeah. Because you're going to be conflicted about why you did it in the first place. So you really need to make sure that this is something that you want to do not for the money not for the opportunity that it gives you not because you think it'd be cool to put on your stories and you know nothing like that. It has to be something you genuinely want to do. And not even just for the things that can go wrong but also just because sometimes these processes can take a very long time like it could take months to get matched it could take months for you know your um medical clearance to get through it can take months for contracts like it could be a year or two before you even get to a transfer. So some you really need to make sure it's what you want absolutely yes that's absolutely great advice because it's great advice very true.
SPEAKER_02:While the long waits are normally not the case they still can be yes you really keep it in mind. Yeah keep it in mind no that's great advice yeah do you have anything else mom?
SPEAKER_00:No I just can't thank her enough.
SPEAKER_03:Seriously I can't thank you I'm I'm over here stopped trying to stop crying I really really am because I just want to reach through and just hug you I just I'll get over it I'll get I'll get over I'll get over the people in a minute but it just right now seeing you and talking to you you're so lovely you're you're so giving you so wonderful I it just isn't define you it doesn't you're you are you are you are lauren you're awesome you're phenomenal you're Lauren you're beautiful you're gonna be a nurse yeah delivery department you are you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna see all the happy babies and you're gonna listen to all the pregnant women and be like you don't feel comfortable girl I got you I'm gonna I'm gonna take care of you it's all good like you don't have to put on the theatrics with me okay right you're not feeling this is right um I got you yeah yeah tell me your back edges I got it just tell me where to go perfect I wish you all the best in that endeavor you're gonna slay it you really are you're gonna crush it you are when does it start when do you go September okay that's soon yay a couple days before my birthday I'll be starting right before you turn 30 yes perfect way to bring in the new decade that's awesome well thank you so much for being with us we really appreciate it we really really do and I just want to say so off topic I'm so jealous that you met Shelly's dad yeah I can't even tell you how addicted I am to Love Island me and my husband watch it 247 after this I'm gonna go watch them um you don't even understand mom it's fine but like so jealous you posted that and I was like babe look she met Shelly's dad literally the night it was so random my friend just randomly like we were like we're gonna go out we weren't even supposed to be there we were supposed to go to the alehouse by her like pick wherever you want to go and City Walk was one of them so um we went to City Walk and then we were just also just walking around there trying to figure out where we were gonna go grab some drinks and then she was like well let's go to Bob Marley's we walk in I walk up to the bar some girls talking to me just random don't know her came up to me and started talking to me about Love Island and then he was like right there the whole time and he was like so who did you guys say you were voting for and I was like Ace and Shelly duh and he was like I'm Shelly's dad and oh my gosh we look at I'm like oh my god I see it oh my gosh how funny like later and I'm like oh yeah you're definitely her parents because her mom's twins oh my god how cute oh that's so her mom is like tiny I was like looking down at her she well Shelly's pretty tiny because Ace is tiny exactly like he five ten sorry he's not five ten he's shorter than five ten he's like five six if I was using five five and a half I was giving him a little bit more but yeah that's so funny oh my god that's like totally different tangent but I was okay that's cute that's so that was I was like okay nice okay I love that that's so funny okay all right well I'll let you go now but I just had to say I'm super jealous of you thank you again Lauren thank you so much Lauren have a great evening yes thank you you too carrying thank you bye yeah that one I just yeah she's so resilient and just I know and now look look at that like she now she's gonna go be an L and D nurse right because of this experience right right this kind of made pushed her and like you know what no I can do this I can no one was there for me but I can be there for everyone else and if that's what came out of that journey power to her power to her a lot of women are going to be blessed with her being their nurse I would love for her to be my nurse like she's gonna be so attentive she's gonna be caring she's gonna be genuine she's gonna be going giving giving giving giving giving i and she's gonna be getting getting getting getting from these these women who are who are in uh yeah it's beautiful it's lovely I can't even I love it I know she's honestly like it's so it just it's I don't know like there's there's not many words to like go with it because all that goes in my head is like I can't say it on the one but like no one could have been there like no one could have had her said like her husband wasn't there because he was at home with the kids so like no one could have been there and then like this whole time my situation was nothing like Lauren's nothing but I mean at times I was like oh my gosh I can't I don't want to I don't want to advocate right now I don't want to deal with this I don't want to do it and so for that I am very lucky that I had you there because it was like at least I have somebody in my corner somebody's gonna listen to me like somebody's here to like hear me out and I just I that whole situation is so effed up.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah and I'm glad she's has begun therapy and is being able to process all of it because now she does have somebody who's going to help her work through all of that so that and she appears to have worked through some of it already obviously because she's sure this girl is very thriving but you know it's still it's still a long recover it's still you know trauma's a lot and it stays in your back of your head and who knows what triggers it like she said I get in the shower all the feels like yeah okay yeah I get to let your walls down like right yeah right oh my god thank you so much Lauren that was a that was a very and we're really we're really grateful that you felt comfortable to share this to share it with us absolutely we don't take stories like this lightly it's it's it's we understand that you're opening yourself up and it and you're vulnerable and we really appreciate you trusting us so thank you so much. Yes thank you and if anybody if anybody has any questions or stories they would like to share please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram at stop period sit period surrogate or at our email stop period sit period surrogate at gmail dot com and just just another little PSA these are thankfully the rare stories yeah right we're normally go check all the stories for the past four years people they're normally happy so when the haters out there want to be like oh but look at this and look at that no obviously things aren't always gonna go perfectly this this is this is sad and but I'm happy that she's healthy she's alive those babies are healthy they're alive like yes so yeah and and these stories have to be shared as well because they are going to happen not and these stories are the things that help change things in things like in surrogacy like oh you know what I should add this in my contract. Oh I should add like everybody should be like you know what if I need therapy afterwards because something traumatic happened that needs to be in my contract please up to six months after why the heck not put it in there if you're not gonna use it you're not gonna use it but guess what it's gonna be there. Right not just verbally yeah yeah so it's been another edition of Stopsit surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen thanks for listening. Bye. Bye today's episode of Stopsit Surrogate is brought to you by Nappy Ending Surrogacy Agency Paying Itforward Surrogacy and surrogacy simplified thank you for supporting the surrogacy community with us. If you enjoyed this podcast be sure to give us a like and subscribe also check out the link to our YouTube channel in the description and be sure to also check out our children's book My Mom has superpowers sold on Amazon and Etsy