Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
A mother and daughter podcast educating others on surrogacy from a surrogates point of view. And the point of view from the intended parents, children born from surrogacy, the agency, legal professionals and IVF doctors for the science behind it all. Together we have brought 8 beautiful children into this world and it’s been an insane rollercoaster ride! Good and bad, the sweet and the sour, all coming to light about the truths behind the best and worst surrogacy journeys. Stop. Sit. Surrogate. Is a podcast that is able to give well rounded information about surrogacy from every point of view. We hope to give as much education as we can provide, to those who want to learn and know more about surrogacy.
Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
Retired But Not Done
#surrogacy #ivf #surrogate
Grace’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/graces_surro_journey?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==
Kiely’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatsurrogatelife?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
What happens when the transfers are done, the last delivery is behind you, and the identity you wore with pride suddenly shifts? We sit down with a seasoned pair of voices—Grace, a two‑time carrier, and Kiely, a four‑time carrier—to talk candidly about “retirement” from surrogacy, the choice to step back versus being told no by clinics, and the surprising ways purpose expands after the final journey.
The conversation moves from age cutoffs and ACOG guidance on C‑sections to the emotional calculus of ending on your own terms. Grace shares how preparing for her last pregnancy shaped a peaceful exit, while Kiely explains why she wanted the decision to be hers, then channeled that energy into writing, mentoring, and creating Send a Friend, a grassroots program that brings an experienced surrogate to support first‑time postpartum surrogates. Along the way, we reflect on what surrogacy teaches our families: that love builds families in many forms; that children can learn to answer strangers with clarity and pride; and that empathy deepens when you stand next to someone who longs for a child money can’t buy.
We also get practical. Expect frank talk about changing insurance rules, clinic discretion, compensation norms, and how to research without falling into bias. You’ll hear why Facebook groups can be both a lifeline and a minefield, and how to gather perspective that sets realistic expectations for matching, protocols, and postpartum recovery. Most of all, we reframe the label “retired.” You’re not done—you’re a surrogate emerita, carrying wisdom forward through advocacy, education, and community.
If this conversation resonates, follow the show, share it with someone curious about surrogacy, and leave a review with the insight you wish every new surrogate knew. Your voice helps more families—and more surrogates—find their path.
My Mom Is Brave- https://a.co/d/bENg23C
Welcome. We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world. And we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop, Sit, Surrogate. Have you ever thought about growing your family but aren't sure what your options are? Or maybe you're someone who wants to help others experience the joy of parenthood? That's where Northwest Surrogacy Center comes in. Northwest Surrogacy Center is a full service surrogacy agency that guides intended parents and surrogates through every step of the journey, with compassion, transparency, and personalized care. From matching to legal support to emotional wellness, they make what can feel an overwhelming feeling to be human and supported. Whether you're considering surrogacy to grow your family, or you're ready to become a surrogate yourself, Northwest Surrogacy Center is there to walk beside you every step of the way. Visit Northwest SurrogacyCenter.com at NW at SurrogacyCenter.com to learn more and take the first step towards something truly life-changing. Northwest Surrogacy Center. Love makes families. Hi everybody, welcome back to Stopsit Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Today we have a lovely Friday Facts. This is gonna be a three-parter because so many girls want to talk about being a retired surrogate. So this is part one, and we have a seasoned voice with us and a fresh voice. So uh Grace, do you want to introduce yourself real quick?
SPEAKER_01:Sure. I'm not a stranger. I'm Grace. I am a retired two-time surrogate in California.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, perfect. And Kylie, would you like to introduce yourself?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm Kylie. I am a retired four-time surrogate. And I'm a from just outside of Tulsa, Oklahoma. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_04:Oh my gosh, you beat us, girl. Yep. We're only threes. Wow. Four. Wow. Yeah, four times. Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Um, and then mom, your retired surrogate. Three time surrogates, seven babies total, right? Seven? Yeah. I don't know. I lost count. Maybe it's six. I can't even remember. Triplets, twins, a single. What is that? Three. That's six. Sorry. Seven.
SPEAKER_00:I gotta count every time. Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Plus your own, you know.
SPEAKER_04:But right, that's nine. Yeah. That's a lot. That's a lot of babies. A lot of babies. Okay, well, um, I guess I'm just gonna start with like the like the elephant question, right? Did you lady well, did you ladies choose to retire, or were you kind of like told that you're done, this is it?
SPEAKER_01:Go ahead, Grace. I think I chose to retire. I feel like I could pursue an additional journey, from what I understand. It wouldn't be able to be in the US because I've had four C-sections now. So I think the the ACOG guidelines say that you can only have um four C-sections max. You like can't pursue a journey after that, and that's in the US though. So I've been told that I could pursue outside of the US in Canada, but I just feel like at this point in my life, I'm gonna be 41 this month. So I feel like I've had such a good run. I ended on such a beautiful journey, and I don't want to push it and tempt any challenges that could come. So I think it would be best just to close that chapter.
SPEAKER_04:And totally, totally fair. And you've had the you've had the time to kind of like mentally prepare for that as well, right?
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, well, I knew going into my last pregnancy that it likely would be the end. It was our third transfer, and our contract called for three, and I I didn't know if I would match after that, so I just I really went into it thinking that it was gonna be the end. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, okay. How about you, Kylie? I you know, I went into the third journey thinking it was gonna be my last one, and during that recovery process, I thought this is just who I am now, let's just do another one. And I remember thinking about halfway through that journey that when I do retire and I like find myself in that, you know, post-surgacy world, I really want that to be my decision. I don't, I really don't want a clinic to decide that for me or an agency to say that I need to hang up my hat. You know, I wanted to be the one to make that decision. So I just hope that everything would just continue going as seamlessly and flawlessly as it has been, and I would get the opportunity to make that decision for myself. And um, and I did. I have a, I feel like I have this one little caveat though, that like I have a follow-up, my annual visit with my OBGYN, and I feel like I want to ask her, like just for fun, you know, like, hey, if I wanted to, hypothetically, would you approve it? You know, because if she says yes, then I could be like, okay, great, then it's like solid 100% my decision to retire and to be done. But I feel like if she tells me, like, I love you, but if you really wanted to do it again, I would tell you no, then you know, yeah, that's true. So pending that nightmare, there's I I've made the decision myself. And I feel like after four, you know, I have two boys, my own two children, and then four surgees, one of them that was twins. I've very proudly put my body through so much and my mind through so much with every postpartum recovery journey that I just got to a point where I was so happy and so at peace and so content with just this is the last one, and I'm I'm done now. Yep. There you go.
SPEAKER_06:That's the way to retire from anything. You want to do it. Yeah, yeah, no, your on your terms. Yeah, when I did it, it was 40 was the cutoff, and I got pregnant when I was 40 with the last surrogate baby, so I was forced out. But I have a couple women in my support group that are uh 41 and 42, and they're still doing right. I I long time ago, this was 20 years ago, right? Yeah, 20. I've been retired for 20, I think it is. Yeah, yeah, 20. 20, 38. No, 18. Sorry. Oh my god. No, I'm trying to think how old's the old yeah, yeah, yeah. It's 18. It's eight. Isn't it 18? Don't ask me.
SPEAKER_04:I was not the time deep.
SPEAKER_06:It's been a while, but I know the triplets, so I don't know, I don't know the. Yeah, I know that after the after the so it was yeah, and I got pregnant at 40, and I was like, this has gotta take, this has gotta take, because I gotta do this one. And then I wasn't, I didn't get a choose to do another one. But had I had they let me, I would have done another one. One more. I would have 100% done one more.
SPEAKER_00:Yep. And I kind of feel like, you know, we all say, and not everybody's gonna agree with this, and that's totally okay, but we all say, like, oh, my agency said that I I should be done, or this clinic that we started did this journey down with didn't approve me, and so I'm gonna hang up my hat. There are guidelines out there that all of those clinics work hard to abide by. Every single one of them is enabled and empowered to make their use their own discretion and make an exception where they think an exception is appropriate. Just because one clinic says you don't fit the box that we're needing a circuit to fit in doesn't mean that another agency won't absolutely read through your records and give it some discretion and be totally okay with giving it a shot. Yeah. So it's really up to the circuit.
SPEAKER_06:Agreed.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_06:Back then it was just a hard 40. That's it, no exceptions. Sure. No ifs, sounds or buts about it.
SPEAKER_04:Sorry, I can't imagine your doctor being like, yes, Ellen, you have died twice on the table. Um, you have had two C-sections. I 100%, yeah. You're you're a great candidate.
SPEAKER_06:Are you on your mind? It was three sections, C sections, so I could add another one.
unknown:Three.
SPEAKER_06:I it's it was three, was the guy right back then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got you. That was three.
SPEAKER_04:But like the dying two times probably makes up for the third. That's kind of a big deal. Whatever. A little bit. I'm still here. I know. I'm just saying. I just I don't know if your doctor would I'd be interested to know if you don't have approved you. I think you would have. Really? I do. Very interesting. That's okay. That's possible.
SPEAKER_06:That ship has sailed.
SPEAKER_04:We can't. No, I know, I know, I know. Moving on, moving on. So, okay, so um, I mean, a lot of things that I hear about, you know, I I have friends. I have friends that are retired surrogates, and it's always been like uh I know maybe I because I'm also I'm gonna start this over. I'm also like mentally like, am I like was this it? I got 10 more years in me. Like I'm I don't want to be done, but like who knows, like once I go on and have my own, like my my own keepers and things like that, like if something's going to disqualify me later on. So it's really like messing with my mind, like, wait, hold on, maybe that was it. Maybe I am done. Like this is what's my identity now? I think that that's a lot of people, a lot of surrogates who have done this especially more than once, where they're like, Well, who am I then? If I'm not having babies for other people, who am I? Which is a wild it's wild to think, but also not. So how did you guys cope with that? Or did you not think like that?
SPEAKER_01:I did think like that, and I feel like this year has done a lot to help me decide who I am now, and I still forever want to be attached to surrogacy. Like I'm still an advocate for surrogacy. I'll talk to anybody all day long about surrogacy. I'm still very much in touch with my intended parents. It's still a big part of my life and takes up a lot of space in my mind still. Um, but I got I got a promotion at work right after I had my last surrogate baby, and that was a pretty big deal for like shaping, okay, like this is who I am now, and and now I'm gonna get really fit and live my best life, and then I'm gonna get a tummy tuck and like start this new chapter of my life where I'm done having babies and doing all these other things that I've always wanted to do. And then I got pregnant, surprised with my own baby a few months ago, and and unfortunately we lost the baby, but that just kind of has opened this new like, is this a new part of my life that I want to pursue? So I feel like I'm still figuring all of that out.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, I'm sorry, Grace. I know. My heart's with you, girly. I know, mine too, honey.
SPEAKER_01:Thank you.
SPEAKER_04:But for sure, I mean we say it all the time, right? Just because you're a retired jury. I mean, heck, my mom retired what, 20 years ago, you said? Yep, something like that. So still still loves it to this day. You know, gotta be gotta be in the community. It's just it's a great community to be a part of. Kylie, did you feel this? Like, did you go through the same kind of like motions, like mentally?
SPEAKER_00:I feel like on delivery day, at the end of surrogacy number one, I was absolutely sold that this is, you know, outside of mothering my own two children, this is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. I absolutely want to do it again. And then I kind of took it, you know, journey by journey after that. And I think each time it just solidified more and more that like this is a part of who I am, and I'm so passionate about this. And I enjoy the conversations with skeptics, and I will absolutely advocate for surgates and surrogacy wherever I can. And and none of that has to stop when the journey stops. So I've been fortunate enough to stay involved and uh, you know, give back in different ways in the industry, and and so far, so good, and I still have a lot of work ahead of me. And um, so yeah, short answers. Um I absolutely learned that it was, you know, a part of who I am, and there's always ways that I'm still involved.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. And you can continue to be involved. That's what that's the beauty of the community, right? Yeah, yeah. We're not like we're gonna kick you out. No way. Everybody, once you're here, you stay.
SPEAKER_06:You're so tied to there's life out there because of you. Like that, that's huge. That's how do you just turn that off? Yeah, I mean you don't.
SPEAKER_00:You don't. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I I brought seven babies into this world, you know. Amazing. Good for you. Yeah, wow.
SPEAKER_04:What geez, you're right there with my mom.
SPEAKER_00:Holy cow. Yeah, when you when you were counting earlier, I I counted real quick in my head. It was like, yeah, that's right. There you go. Wow.
SPEAKER_06:Kind of like hard to believe. Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:But it's like you said, it's it's very, it's a very fulfilling thing. Like it's I think that's like the perfect word for it because a lot of people are like, oh, like you're not we're not gonna like dive into this, but like, you know, like, oh, it's you're not selfless or whatever doing surrogacy because US surrogates get compensated. But like, let's just take that out of it. It's fulfilling. It's yeah, it's a calling.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Whoever you believe, yep, higher calling. Not everybody can do it.
SPEAKER_04:Did you go through those mental emotions though, mom?
SPEAKER_06:Oh, 100%. Now there's way more work way more uh avenues for people to be involved, right? Now there's podcasters, people can work for surrogate agencies. There's like that was such a small niche back then. Like even if you wanted to work for an agency, there no way in heck could you work for one? Like you had to either own it or know the owner. It wasn't happening, and there wasn't that many agencies. You got to think about it that way, too. They just what do you want to call that? Fireworks. They just became rampant when people were like, Oh, there's such a need. Um, or we can offer this and we can offer that. But I I really think I put it on the back burner. Like, I again I was forced out because of age, I wasn't ready, wasn't ready. So there was a lot of mind playing going on there with me. It's like, well, what do I do now? Hold on a second. So I went back to school and became a nurse. Like that was like, how do I help? How do I help? Yeah, was my that was my rationale for okay, that was my answer. That's how I'm helping. And then when Kennedy came up with the idea, hey, do you want to do this and talk about it? I'm like, oh heck yeah, I think it took me five seconds to say yes, you know, and it was like, oh, oh, it we can still talk about it. Oh, okay. I still have something to offer. So yeah, I I don't think I'll ever be done with it. I'll probably be on my deathbed and be going, yeah, like, hey.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. You put in the last five to ten years. I mean, what you compare the industry in the last, you know, five, six, seven years to what it was 20 years ago, and it's totally different. I mean, there's twice as many agencies that there's people thinking outside the box as to how they can get involved in the industry and support circus and support intended parents. And yes, and there's just amazing. I mean, it's it and and you look at the industry outlook for circusy and IBF, and it's just it's only up from here. It is correct. Yeah, it's crazy.
SPEAKER_04:It's uh yeah, it's a lot. It's it is a lot, and even like just like a couple years ago, like from my from my third journey to me starting my fourth journey, which was only like a year and a half, so much has changed. Like insurance laws have changed and everything. And I'm like, what? It is a lot, it's like a whole new world. And I just did it like a year before I trying to do my fourth one. So I was like, what is going on? And uh this just shows you that one science comes so well science has come so far, which is so great. But then also now people are starting to like open their ears and be like, wait, how can we nickel and dime everything in this aspect of it? Like, how can we get the most out of it and like or protect themselves and show or protect themselves, right? Right. There are there are good protections now. Yes, I was being cynical, but yes. I know you are. I read you, girl. I read you.
SPEAKER_00:There's I mean, there's truth to to that.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, yeah. Um, okay, so how did surrogacy change your guys' outlook on motherhood or family?
SPEAKER_00:Oh my gosh, I'll start with that one. Yeah, I I started my own motherhood journey feeling grossly unprepared because I was my husband and I were, you know, 20 and 21. We were very young and weren't yet married. And I remember the one feeling, the overwhelming feeling that I felt the second my firstborn son was put on my chest was responsibility. This overwhelming feeling of like this creature I just made with my body is now existing, and I'm 100% responsible. My husband and I are 100% responsible for this guy, you know, and obviously that blossoms into so many other feelings pride and encouragement and attachment and all these other things, but I remember this just overwhelming sense of responsibility responsibility, and I I think that has just done me a lot of good as a mother having that kind of foundation. I've just um I feel like I've done well to really embrace motherhood, and I love being a mom so much, and the idea that in the reality that some women can't, if at no fault of their own, right, get pregnant or sustain a pregnancy and how prevalent that is, that just really I mean it it truly opened my eyes the first time I I carried for another family, and I thought, shoot, my husband could just look at me a certain way and I could get pregnant, you know, and it's just never been an issue. So to think that it's not just an issue and like this hurdle that somebody has to overcome, but it's physically impossible for some.
SPEAKER_05:Right.
SPEAKER_00:It's it just um it just blew my mind. And I thought, man, if if all I have to do is be pregnant and somebody else could go on to experience motherhood, which is amazing, then you know, sign me up is one of the easiest decisions I've ever made. Yep.
SPEAKER_04:I wholeheartedly agree with that. My I long story short, did this for same-sex male couples in the beginning. My this past journey alone taught me so much about infertility, which is wild because I've been doing the podcast a lot longer than I was on my journey. But being that close to someone, my intended mother, who just I mean, m m money wasn't a question, so it made me sad because I was like, this woman could literally buy anything in the world. She could buy a freaking castle if she wanted. All she wants is a baby. She can't, she can't, she can't, she can't do it. She can't, and it crushed me and made me just look at life in such a different light and just be just so just heartbroken and like because you can always understand, you always see people's stories on Instagram on everything, and you're like, oh my gosh, like that's this is heartbreaking, like my heart's with you, like everything like that. But when you're actually touched by it by someone that you know, it's like this completely different look and appreciation towards them and their battle. It's oh my god, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you get a whole different sense of empathy being this closely involved, for sure. Yeah, and you treasure your gifts even more.
SPEAKER_04:Hundred percent provided, yeah. We'll be right back. But first, I want to take a quick moment to talk about something close to my heart, helping families grow through surrogacy. If you've ever thought about becoming a surrogate or if you're an intended parent ready to start your journey, Paying It Forward Surrogacy is here to guide you every step of the way. At Paying It Forward Surrogacy, you're not just a number. You're supported, celebrated, and connected with real people who've walked this path before. Whether you're just starting to explore or ready to take the next step, they'll make sure you feel informed, empowered, and cared for from day one. Visit Payingit Forward Surrogacy.com to learn more. That's Payingit Forward Surrogacy.com because every journey to parenthood deserves heart, honesty, and the right support. Now let's get back to the episode.
SPEAKER_06:For a lot of us, it is it was so easy. And I hate even talking about how easy to get pregnant because I don't want it to sound so demeaning to those who are having a tough time. But that's one of the reasons I got into it. Uh yep, let's do this, let's help somebody else. Yeah. Wow. Sad.
SPEAKER_01:I feel like my perspective's a little bit different on that, just in that I I only carried for one family and it was a same-sex couple. The reason that I got into surrogacy to begin with was because I had people in my life, namely women, that were struggling with infertility and struggling to create a family of their own. And I was like, oh, I I can help someone. I too get pregnant easily and had great pregnancies. So I would love to help somebody be able to do that and to be able to experience that again because I think as mothers, that's such a a cool and unique thing that we get to do is to carry children. So that's why I got into it. But getting matched with a same-sex couple taught me that parenthood comes in so many different forms. And that really got driven home when my intended parents were here last year when their second baby was born and they brought their first baby with them. She was three. She just turned four a few weeks ago. But getting to watch them be parents with her was even more fulfilling than actually delivering the babies and handing them over, watching them actually be amazing parents and explain things to her so that she understands and to spend countless hours. I do not know where these guys got the energy to play on the floor with their daughter for hours and hours and dance and sing and do all the things, but they are incredible parents and and that makes me understand even more that that really like love is love and everybody that can give love deserves to have a family.
SPEAKER_04:Agreed.
SPEAKER_05:Yep. Agreed.
SPEAKER_04:A hundred percent. And I love the lessons that it's taught my son as well. Like with it does not matter it doesn't blood one, blood doesn't make you family. And two, there are a billion different types of families and parents and guardians and everything like that. And I've really enjoyed sh teaching my son that.
SPEAKER_00:I totally agree. And I think there's so much more, even above and beyond that, that our own kids get to benefit from having been exposed to the world of surrogacy and IVF. And I mean, my sons have seen a woman be pregnant four times now, you know, and they have learned to care during those times and to no mom can't lift that. And no, mom's probably not gonna run right now. And you know, mom's not feeling well, and you know, they they've learned to appreciate that and respect that, and and also, yeah, just the difference of what a family could look like and why somebody would need a surrogate, and it's not all super easy, and there's lots of doctors and scientists involved, and and also how to answer other people's skepticism or questions, you know. Oh, your mom's pregnant. Are you having a little brother or sister? Nope, my mom's a surrogate, she's caring for another family, you know, and that's just a whole new set of strengths and skills that they get to keep and benefit from, you know.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, I agree. They be proud about, yep.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah. I speak from experience, Kylie. I was very proud of that as a suring child myself.
SPEAKER_06:It's funny because I don't look at it as they were proud of it. I look at as they used it as such a shock factor. It was so different and was so new back then, especially with the trip, is you'd walk in and I'd be huge and we'd go and sit and have dinner at a restaurant, and they'd go, Oh, another one on the way, and all three of them, yeah. No, they're not ours, and there's three. And you'd go, Okay, and you wouldn't know what they the waitresses would not know what to do with it. And you'd be like, Oh, kids, come on. Like they loved the shock value of it.
SPEAKER_04:Yes, but as we got older, it's like an appreciation to it. It's like agreed. If I didn't appreciate it, and if I wasn't proud of it, mom, I would not have done three of my own journeys.
SPEAKER_06:I'm aware, I'm aware. When you were eight, I didn't see the yeah, it's fine. It was eight. Okay, it's fine.
SPEAKER_00:My uh, my husband is all about the shock factor. If somebody commented while we were out and I was obviously pregnant and they asked us about it, he would have he would be so quick to say, Oh, it's not mine.
SPEAKER_03:I love it. I love it. Okay, so it's not mine either. Yeah, right.
SPEAKER_06:That's a great one. Yeah, that's a cool one. That's funny.
SPEAKER_01:Well, I know that my kids appreciated it, even if they didn't say it themselves, because their friends would tell me. I remember there was a friend over when I came over, came home from the hospital last year, and they came into the living room, and the friend said, You're a superhero, Mrs. Stewart. Great job. Oh, so sweet.
SPEAKER_04:And your kids are older, they're like teenagers. So this friend was like a teenager.
SPEAKER_05:That's so sweet. That's awesome. Oh, you are a superhero, Grace. You are. Altering it's our ding ding ding. Oh, she's gonna get the book.
SPEAKER_04:Everyone's a superhero.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. What is that?
SPEAKER_04:What's our book? Is this? Oh, this oh, Kylie, if you're asking, I shall tell. This is our children's book that me and my mom wrote and published about what, like a year ago, mom? A little over a year. Yeah, yeah. But it's called My Mom Has Superpowers. It's written from the point of view of my son. So there's like my kid in here. Oh, well, those are the dads, but yeah, that's the little girl that I that one of us carried or whatever, you know. It was fun.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, I love that so much. On Amazon.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, you have what? Wait, your mom is brave! Oh, I love it. Oh my gosh, did you write that? Yes, the idea of being a surgeon. Okay, where can I buy yours, Kylie?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, Amazon. You just put my name in there.
SPEAKER_06:You just put your name in the search engine for what, Amazon? Amazon? Okay, okay, got it. I'm a little bit. Where's yours? Amazon. Okay, good. Etsy. I think it's on Etsy too, right, Ken? Yeah, Etsy.
SPEAKER_00:Is it both of your names on there?
SPEAKER_04:Yes, both of our names, but let's not do Etsy mom. That means I have to purchase more. All right. I'm gonna write it down. Amazon. Oh, you your yours was My Mom is Brave. Yeah, my mom is brave. I'm gonna put it in the show notes, Kylie. I'll put it in the show notes. Well, now I have to write a book.
SPEAKER_01:I feel left out.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, Grace, you do. It's it's uh, I mean, the formatting is the hardest part of the whole thing, Grace.
SPEAKER_04:Oh God, tell me.
unknown:Tell me.
SPEAKER_04:Now that Chat GPT is there, it probably will be a little easier. What chat GPT, we did not use Chat GPT. Me either.
SPEAKER_01:I don't know if it'll be a children's book, though. Maybe it will be like a slightly humorous adult point of view book.
SPEAKER_06:There you go. That that's needed. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Yes. You know what I have observed that I I think is needed? A lot of surrogates appreciate this kind of thing to use as a tool and like introduce that mine is. Is just that to uh for a surrogate to use as a tool to introduce the idea to their children. Yeah, intended parents want the same thing they do to introduce to their child that hey, there's this other one coming. Yep via surrogacy. There you go, like a second. Put all that into a children's book. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I yeah, I would I I would think that someone out there would write a book like that. We could do a sequel.
SPEAKER_01:We could do they have from our point of view, or maybe there needs to be a book for the surrogate to introduce this concept to their family. So like the adults in their life, yeah, true, and and help them understand. Like maybe we have a little bit more like scientific factors in there, like a simple overview, and that would be a lot less talking for the surrogate to have to do.
SPEAKER_04:This is groups, just like carry the book around with them. And when people ask here, go go.
SPEAKER_00:I would love it if it was even children's book style, and you were like, listen, yeah, here's what it is. Yeah, they're round. Here's some color pictures.
SPEAKER_04:Make it so basic. Like kids can understand it, adults could understand it that way. Okay, we've de we've we've crowned Grace. This is Grace. This the Grace is gonna write this book.
SPEAKER_01:My best friend is having another man's baby. That's what I titled.
SPEAKER_06:Love it, love it. Love it. I'm with it. I would buy it. I'm having another man's baby. Ooh, scandalous.
SPEAKER_04:Ooh. Goodness.
SPEAKER_06:We're getting we're gettingness. We needed that like 20 years ago, no joke, because people, oh that was the air my parents and their friends. Oh my god, the the comments and looks, and uh, I just had to turn it all off. And thank god there wasn't social media or wasn't a whole bunch of it back then. That's true. Because seriously, I would have been like laid out. I I really would have by all of their friends, and especially doing it for a same-sex couple. Oh, God help me.
SPEAKER_03:I'm so sure.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, my my parents were devoutly Catholic and just not happening.
SPEAKER_04:Like I love grandma, grandma supported.
unknown:Love her.
SPEAKER_06:She did. She was one of the main supporters, but the the the flax she got from her friends. Oh, well, yes. Yes, which too bad, so sad. Sorry, you get what you get, you know. Love you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and that's the attitude you kind of have to have walking into it. I know why I'm doing it. Right. That's the important part. Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:I really hope none of them listen to this, mom.
SPEAKER_06:How many are left? Ellen!
SPEAKER_04:I can count them on two fingers. Okay, we're moving on. What advice would you give to someone considering being a surrogate?
SPEAKER_01:Do your research is always my top one. There's so much out there now, too. So much so that I think you have to be aware of where you're getting your research from.
SPEAKER_07:Yes.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, like podcasts such as Stops It Surrogate, that's a great place to start.
unknown:Great place to start.
SPEAKER_04:No, but like I because everybody comes on and says research, right? But I am curious, aside from this, aside from this podcast, like did you ladies do research? Like, did you find research elsewhere? Like, was it Facebook groups? Was it Instagram? Was it different podcasts, books?
SPEAKER_01:I watched a couple of, there were not a lot at the time, but a couple of YouTube. Like there were a couple of women I found on YouTube that had done journeys and kind of documented it along the way. Um I feel like maybe it just wasn't being fed into my algorithm because I wasn't a surrogate yet, but I was not finding a lot on Instagram at the time. Um most of it, like I just typed in, I started with I I literally started with podcasts, like because I do a lot of driving for work. So I just typed in surrogacy podcast and started getting a little bit of info. The first podcast I found was put out by an actual agency. So I feel like that's a little bit of a biased view, but it did give me a lot of information about the process. And they had surrogates on that had been a part of the agency that shared some of their stories, and that got me to understanding, like, oh, I think I would want an agency to help me with this. And then it was mostly my own research after that, just comparing different agencies. I don't even think I found like the big Facebook agency review group until after I had already selected one. But I feel like that there's one in particular, I feel like is a fairly safe place to find reviews of agencies. But I I kind of just had to do my own digging and researching around because I feel like there's a lot of bias out there if someone is representing an agency, works for an agency. Um there's a lot of people that are independent as well, but I feel like their stories are a little bit harder to find.
SPEAKER_05:Yeah, agreed.
SPEAKER_00:Totally agree. I think if I had to say one thing, it my advice would be to get perspective, and I think that goes hand in hand with research. I think research is the obvious answer, but I didn't get a lot of perspective, and I think I just got super dang lucky with the agency that I ended up connecting with, and that journey was just beautiful in every way, but I really did very limited research. I had very specific questions, I got those answers, I found someone I could trust, and I learned what I needed to in order to go on to the next step, and I felt good about it along the way, and I I still feel good about it now, but not everyone is super thorough, and they they may just look for the one resource, you know. And there's going back to my comment earlier about how every clinic kind of has their own, they're enabled and empowered to make make their own decisions and use their own discretion. There really isn't a one-size-fits-all answer to just about anything out there that when you're researching. So, perspective, I think, is important to know kind of the the age range and kind of the timeline example, you know what I mean? And the differences in med protocols that might be out there and the perceptions that are out there. And, you know, it's not you can't necessarily just have one source answer a set of questions. You got, you know, gotta look around a bit. And those Facebook groups, man, I have a love-hate relationship with them, and I'm sure we all do. There, there's a lot of hate for me than love, but there's a lot of perspective to be had, realizing, man, this girl had uh SCH, and I didn't know what that was. And this girl had a ectopic pregnancy, you've never heard of that. This girl had a successful pregnancy on the first attempt, and that's amazing. And oh, that doesn't happen very often, and like without even ever getting involved, you know, without commenting, about you can letting any emotions fly. Yeah, just observing other people's journeys is incredibly educational. Yes.
SPEAKER_04:Oh, yeah, it is. I agree, and those I've I've I've joined more of those Facebook groups, and uh well, side note, I was banned from commenting. Not really sure what I said. That was horrible. I don't think anything. I just I'm sure you are. No, I just but I've seen well, I've seen some Facebook groups not appreciate the podcast either, and that's totally fine. And you that's okay. That's okay. But so um I have a love hate. I yeah, okay, I have a love-hate relationship because for that aspect, I do see a lot of girls like, but a lot of them are anonymous, which is very interesting to me. A lot of people post anonymously, and I'm like, ooh, it's I'd be afraid because backlash will be really mean to them, which like makes me sad because I'm like, oh, don't hide. Like, I would like to let you know I'm thinking of you all the time. Like, you know what I mean? Like, but I get it. So maybe not be that confident that yeah, no, but it is very educational because I've learned a lot of things from a bunch of these groups, like, oh my gosh, this happens. Like, yeah, didn't didn't know that that didn't know to look out for that, didn't know that this thing. So it's um yeah, if you're in the Facebook groups and you don't comment, I think there's no harm. Yeah. Thinking about becoming a surrogate, it's a life-changing decision, and you deserve expert guidance every step of the way. That's where Serene Surrogacy Partners comes in. Serene Surrogacy Partners is a reputable, experienced surrogacy agency dedicated to supporting women like you with thorough screening, legal protection, and comprehensive medical and emotional care. As a surrogate, you'll be matched with intended parents who align with your values, and you'll have a dedicated case manager throughout the journey. Compensation is fair and transparent, and your health and well-being always come first. If you've ever considered surrogacy, start by getting the facts. Visit SerenesurrogacyPartners.com to learn more or apply confidentially. That's SerenesurrogacyPartners.com.
SPEAKER_00:It's good perspective too about those agencies. Grace, like you were saying, that there are some Facebook groups that are like that's all they talk about is these agency uh experiences of these different agencies and these perceptions, these growing perceptions that are out there about certain agencies, and what's a red flag and what's a green flag, and you know, if you're just Googling, you're not getting any of that.
SPEAKER_04:No, yeah, no, you know, right, because Google like shows you, oh, here's the top reviews, and it's like, oh okay, but I want to know your crappy reviews. I want to know why people don't like you. Like, that's how I look at things. I'm like, why do you have one star? Why? Yeah, what is this for? I don't care if you only have like three one stars, that might be it for me. Like it's yeah, so interesting.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I'm with you.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, very good insight. Okay, so how has being a surrogate? I think we already answered this. How has being a surrogate shaped who you are today? Actually, no, we haven't. It's just kind of more about identity. So, how has being a surrogate shaped who you are today?
SPEAKER_01:Or do we have the heavy questions? Wow. Sorry, Grace. It's just it's just a part of who I am. It definitely has taught me to have patience.
SPEAKER_04:To well, I was a pretty patient person already, but even more so, um I would have never guessed, by the way, Grace, with your demeanor and everything. Would have never guessed that you were calm and patient.
SPEAKER_01:To trust the process, like some things in life, I'm very much a like find a way kind of person. Um, but this is not a thing that you just find a way. You you have to trust the process, trust your body, take care of your body to be able to do the things that it needs to do. Um ask questions if you need more information or don't understand something all the way. Um, but just patience first and foremost. I and again, that was already part of who I was, but I feel like it's something that I make even more of me now. I get that.
SPEAKER_04:For me, I oh go Kylie, go.
SPEAKER_00:Uh I was just gonna say I'll I'll answer as as humbly as I I can. Being a surrogate, I think, has enabled me to just harness the passion that I have found being a surrogate and empathizing so deeply with other surrogates, it's it enabled me to really um leverage my strengths and this entrepreneurial spirit that I have and kind of bundle all of that together and pour back into the surrogacy space, even after kind of closing that chapter as an active surrogate. And I have the My Mom is Brave is one of four books that I have out there. I lead a monthly support group for surrogates from all over the country. I've started a program called Send a Friend, where a newly first-time delivering surrogate can reach out to us and we send an experienced surrogate in her area over to her so that she feels a sense of comfort and community and validation from somebody that totally knows what that's like being in postpartum recovery as a surrogate. Um I've I have a number of a number of other ideas and ways that I still plan to contribute and grow on all that, you know, that foundation. And yeah, I feel like all of that is, I mean, that's not just a phase, you know what I mean? That's of that's a part of of who I am, and um, and I'm still going.
SPEAKER_06:It's allowed you to grow as an individual. Yeah, that's really it's really cool.
SPEAKER_04:Kylie, we're gonna ask you back for the tell all.
unknown:Okay.
SPEAKER_06:Okay. Send a friend. Heck, that's awesome. Yeah, that's really cool.
SPEAKER_00:There's over 400 volunteers from all over the country. Holy cow, that's amazing.
SPEAKER_06:Just hearing about this.
SPEAKER_00:Uh am I blind? Okay. I am really the only place that it is advert. I'm there's uh I have a website that's where you would go to request a friend or to volunteer. But the only place that I really like advertise it and hype it up is in a number of different Facebook groups. Okay. Um, I mean it's been effective so far.
SPEAKER_03:Wow.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. What's the website?
SPEAKER_04:That way people can know because they're gonna kill me if I'm gonna want to go.
SPEAKER_00:That surrot life.com forward slash send dash a dash friend.
SPEAKER_04:Okay, it'll be in the show notes. You'll just send it to me and I'll put it in the show notes.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, there's a volunteer in almost every state. That's very cool.
SPEAKER_04:That's super cool. Wow. It's been cool. I don't even want to give my answer now.
SPEAKER_00:And you know what? Give your answer. Now that we're in November, it's um it's officially a year old. Yay! Wow, congratulations. Thanks. It is Sunday friend's birthday this month, and I just realized that on your podcast.
SPEAKER_04:That's amazing. Wow, that's a very cool thing. Yeah, I'm shocked we're just not hearing about it, but wow. Okay. Amazing. Um, I forget my question. I'm like so mesmerized, but how has it shaped you? Well, Ellen, how has it shaped you? Um you've had 20 years to be shaped.
SPEAKER_06:I've had 20. Yeah. Um a little more confident as an individual, I think. I mean, I I had always been somewhat confident, but always was the status quo. Like, I'm not gonna rock your boats, I'm not gonna like go against the man, I'm not gonna no, because that's how I was raised. You're a yes person. And once I got into this field, yeah, no. I started standing up for myself a little bit more. I started voicing myself a little bit more, not in a negative way, in a positive way, um, and advocating for others, which is what we do here. So I it has and it has allowed me to really see just the need. Like back when I was doing it, really, guys, it was same-sex couples that that's who needed the help, really, because infertility wasn't really talked about a whole lot back then for same-sex, I mean for heterosexual couples. So it's opened my eyes and it's be it's made me become a little bit more, no, a lot more appreciative. And and in the healthcare industry that I'm in, I see it all the time. So yeah, just it's opened my eyes. It's and I like that aspect of me. I like that that I I've always been empathetic, but even way more empathetic being a surrogate.
SPEAKER_00:I love that confidence answer. Trouble's real. Yeah, love that.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And I would say I well, I would say it's built my confidence for sure. 100% I can see it. I was a mom at 20, I was a mom young, and then I went on to have other people's babies. And then I was like, ooh, to all my 20s, I was pregnant. So no partying for me, just strictly business. Um, but no, it it's definitely built my confidence and my not that I was ever again, not that I was ever not confident. I was I always acted like I was confident, but now I feel confident. Right. And then it was um advocating for myself and for others, like definitely like setting boundaries and being like, yeah, no, that's a that's a hard, that's a hard pass for me. Um, but also I was trying to think of the word, and the only thing that can come to my mind is vocabulary. And what I mean by that is, you know, growing up, people are always like, When are you guys gonna have babies? When are you guys gonna have babies? And shockingly, me and my husband are constantly being asked right now, when are you guys gonna have babies? And it's like, okay, well, I was just diagnosed with an autoimmune disease, and so like I'm still trying to like process on how that would look for like my future of getting pregnant and things like that. And so it's like a huge vocabulary in the sense of we're not gonna ask people when they're gonna have babies, we're not gonna pry into their lives, we're not we have no idea, like also respect. Well, right, exactly. Respect, but like my sister's coming on the podcast and she um she reached, I didn't know this, which she just told me, but she uh has PCOS, that's and that's she's gonna talk about that, and like you know, we as a family we kind of like never really talked about like fertility situations because mom is so fertile, so like obviously that gene's gonna pass down, right? Like and then I'm here popping out babies for other people, so clearly it it passed down. So it was just um it's it's just learning to have respectful conversations or just like not have the conversation with somebody else and what's going on in their personal life. Like, yeah, I think a lot of people just think that they have the right to ask, and maybe they're not thinking, oh, it's my right to ask, but it kind of comes across that way. It's like we don't need to ask these questions. There's a lot of hurt that's behind some of these, and so it's definitely opened my eyes to a whole new world of just women's strength and men's strength because men go through fertility problems as well.
SPEAKER_03:Totally agree.
SPEAKER_04:Yeah, that's that's my little thing. Um let's see. Chat GPT is my new BFF, by the way. I love it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, mine too. I call it chat BFF.
SPEAKER_04:I love it. Well, okay, ladies, so last question: what does being a retired surrogate mean to you now?
SPEAKER_06:What is go ahead, Grace? Job well done.
SPEAKER_04:Job well done.
SPEAKER_06:Job well done.
SPEAKER_01:It means I always have a great story to tell when I'm meeting someone new or like at a dinner party. I love it. Definitely have a conversation breaker and uh conversation starter, and it it is a cool story to tell. Like when you go to those two truths and a lie type icebreaker thing, it's like I I have something good to put in there now that is an actual amazing part of my life.
SPEAKER_04:And it's a truth, and people are gonna be like, that's a lie, like absolutely how funny that's funny.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I I think it's it's just such an integral part of my identity, and I acknowledge the retired part so proudly, you know, it's it's something I was super ready for and proud of what I've done along the way, proud of what I've done post, you know, and yeah, and I'm I'm not I'm not done. Just because you're not caring anymore doesn't mean the opportunity to stay close to the industry and to advocate for other surrogates and to educate and to you know stay educated and stay involved. All of that is still there. I agree. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_05:Mom.
SPEAKER_06:I I just I look at this at a huge accomplishment. Huge accomplishment. There are three families out there that are thriving because me and my family decided that we were gonna help. And those children, I see the joy that those children and a lot of them are adults because honestly, people have been did this decade. They're all adults. They are, aren't they? Is the last yeah, the last one is. Yep, the last one is. Yep, they're all adults. So they're now gonna go on. Like we were just talking, I'll probably be invited to weddings for crying out loud, like and get birth announcements. Like this is bizarre. Yeah, I just uh yeah, it's it's incredible. Sometimes I can't believe we did it, and I do mean we, the my entire family was involved when we did it. Um, and I I can't believe it sometimes. It's like Grace said, it's a very cool story. When I pop out there that, oh yeah, carry triplets. People go, What? Yeah, and you just kind of stop them in their track and you go, Yeah, it's a story, and it is.
SPEAKER_04:I no to I was gonna say, to be fair, that's the story I pull out as well. I'm like, Yeah, my mom had triplets, like it's my story too.
SPEAKER_06:Yeah, you were involved. I mean, you were old enough to understand. Our story, yeah, right, and it's gone on to do a lot. I mean, I've gotten a uh not that Kenny and I never had a relationship, we've always had a relationship, but this is where we've connected the most, and then to collaborate on a book together and then to continue this podcast for four years, and to it's just a lot of stuff that I never knew was going to happen, but it's all positive, and we all need more positivity in our life, right? So bring it on, bring it on, you know? So yeah.
SPEAKER_04:And Kylie, you said something earlier, and I like it a lot because a lot of there's like a lot of like um negative connotation I hear from other people when they're like, I don't want to be a retired surrogate, I don't like saying that I'm retired. And you said I'm not an active surrogate, and like really, once a surrogate, always a surrogate. You're just not an active surrogate, like you're not really retired, like grace is still in it, you're still in it, my mom's still in it, like people are still in it. We're not done. Like just because we're not carrying, we're just not like actively carrying a baby, but we're giving to the community, so we're all still surrogates.
SPEAKER_00:I have started using the term, especially in the sendophrine language, everything that has to do with cendifhren. I have referred to a retired surrogate as a surrogate emerita, which an emerito is like I've graduated with honors and I've gone on to do these other things and like give this impact. So I would, yeah, that's that's the term that I've I love it. I've used pretty often surgate emerita. I love it.
SPEAKER_04:Well, thank you, ladies. This was such a beautiful, a beautiful part one. Yeah, no, Kylie, we would definitely love to have you back because like what we we would love to hear your stories for four journeys. That's I'm sure there's lots of stories.
SPEAKER_03:I'm all about it. Awesome. Well, thank you, ladies. Thank you, Grace. Thank you, Kylie. Yeah, thank you. Yeah, have a great evening. Yes, you too. Hi, ladies.
SPEAKER_06:Wow, that was fun. That was fun.
SPEAKER_04:Did you feel like you could like you could relate more in this?
SPEAKER_06:Oh, like I could contribute with that one. I was like, oh, I am kind of, yeah, because I still am in it 20 years later. It's like, oh wow, you're just not active.
SPEAKER_04:Like you're just not like an active surrogate. But even that, you're still active because you're no agreed, but yeah, yeah. But that's really cool. I really like all that. And the send a send a friend.
SPEAKER_06:That that probably's a unique little situation. That has to come back. We have to we have to get her on a one-on-one, a two-on-one, and and and in yeah, interview her. That would be fun if she's willing to come back.
SPEAKER_04:So yes, yeah, amazing. Well, thank you, Grace and Kylie. Thank you guys are forever surrogates. So um, if anybody has any questions or stories they would like to share, please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram at stop periodsit period surrogate, or you can email us at stopperiodsitperiod surrogate at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_06:So it's been another edition of Stop Sit Surrogate Friday Facts with Kennedy and Ellen. Thanks for joining. Bye. Bye.
SPEAKER_04:Before we wrap up, we want to give a huge thank you to our sponsors, Northwest Surrogacy Center, New York Surrogacy Center, Paying It Forward Surrogacy, and Serene Surrogacy Partners. Their continued support helps us share real stories that educate our community and connect families through the incredible journey of surrogacy. Thanks so much for tuning in to Stops at Surrogate, where every story matters and every journey is worth sharing. We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_06:If you enjoyed this podcast, be sure to give us a like and subscribe. Also, check out the link to our YouTube channel in the description. And be sure to also check out our children's book, My Mom Has Superpowers, sold on Amazon and Etsy.