Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
A mother and daughter podcast educating others on surrogacy from a surrogates point of view. And the point of view from the intended parents, children born from surrogacy, the agency, legal professionals and IVF doctors for the science behind it all. Together we have brought 8 beautiful children into this world and it’s been an insane rollercoaster ride! Good and bad, the sweet and the sour, all coming to light about the truths behind the best and worst surrogacy journeys. Stop. Sit. Surrogate. Is a podcast that is able to give well rounded information about surrogacy from every point of view. We hope to give as much education as we can provide, to those who want to learn and know more about surrogacy.
Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
From Two Journeys To Building The Surrogacy Doula Program
#surrogacy
#ivf
#surrogate
Kristen’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kristenbellettmartinez?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
Birth can be beautiful, messy, and intensely logistical—especially when you’re carrying for someone else. We sit down with Kristen, a multi-time surrogate and former agency intake coordinator, to trace her path from a pandemic C-section for placenta previa to a confident VBAC with international intended parents racing into the room as the baby crowned. Along the way, she shares what most guides skip: the fourth trimester after surrogacy, the emotional whiplash of shifting contact after delivery, and how hospital routines often ignore surrogacy preferences unless someone speaks up.
Kristen also lifts the curtain on agency intake: why education beats pressure every time, how simple check-ins and care packages change the tone of a journey, and what she learned turning leads into engaged, informed applicants. After a tough year trying to rejoin the industry as staff, she created the Surrogacy Doula program—a virtual service built for surrogates and intended parents that blends monthly support, perinatal nutrition guidance, and real-time messaging with thoughtful mediation when tensions rise. She helps craft surrogacy-savvy birth plans, clarifies roles in the delivery room, and gives IPs practical ways to bond before birth, from shared playlists to mindful rituals that bridge the distance when they didn’t carry the baby themselves.
If you’re weighing VBAC after C-section, navigating domestic vs international IP dynamics, or searching for a surrogacy doula who understands both the paperwork and the heart-work, this conversation is a blueprint. We talk closure language for contracts, setting hospital expectations for immediate skin-to-skin, and how to keep everyone informed without turning the surrogate into the project manager. Listen for grounded, human-tested strategies that make surrogacy safer, kinder, and more connected.
Enjoyed the conversation? Follow, share with a friend who’s exploring surrogacy, and leave a review with your biggest takeaway so we can keep bringing real stories and practical guidance to your feed.
http://www.wellsurro.com/
Emails:
kristen@wellsurro.com
info@wellsurro.com
Welcome. We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world, and we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop, Sit, Surrogate. Have you ever thought about growing your family but aren't sure what your options are? Or maybe you're someone who wants to help others experience the joy of parenthood? That's where the Northwest Surrogacy Center comes in. Northwest Surrogacy Center is a full service surrogacy agency that guides intended parents and surrogates through every step of the journey, with compassion, transparency, and personalized care. From matching to legal support to emotional wellness, it may make what can feel an overwhelming feel immediately human and supported. Whether you're considering surrogacy to grow your family, or you're ready to become a surrogate yourself, the Northwest Surrogacy Center is there to walk beside you every step of the way. Visit the NorthwesturrogacyCenter.com at NWSurrogacyCenter.com to learn more and take the first step towards something truly life-changing. Love it makes families.
SPEAKER_02:Hey everyone, welcome back to Stoppes It Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Today we have a lovely guest joining us. We're gonna let her introduce herself. Take it away. Okay.
SPEAKER_00:So hi, I'm Kristen. Um, I am a multiple-time surrogate. I have worked at a surrogacy agency as well as the intake coordinator. Um, right now we have started something new. Um, I am going to be launching a program called the Surrogacy Doula. Um I have a background in postpartum doula work virtually. Um, and right now I am trained under Lori Bregman. Um, I think she's known around California and LA as like the doula to the stars. And so I'm still like, I cannot even believe that I have the opportunity to train with her.
SPEAKER_03:Oh cool.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and so that's a little bit about me.
SPEAKER_01:Awesome. Well, our favorite question to ask everybody is how did you find out about surrogacy?
SPEAKER_00:Okay. So I've always kind of known about surrogacy. Um, it was more so I I had to go through, you know, I had to have my own kids first, right? To know that I loved being pregnant and I loved giving birth. Um, I saw a midwife and I had both of my boys in a birthing center, and the process was just so beautiful. Um, I just, you know, I learned about surrogacy. I was very much done having my own children at the time. Um it just, I think I had my kids so close together. It just was very hard back then. But I really I still loved, you know, being pregnant and giving birth and everything. And so I looked into some agencies, did some research, um, listened to some podcasts. That's actually how I found the agency that I went, you know, with. Yeah. And um it was it was one of those, um, I forget what it was called back then, some kind of mom podcast. But they um, I think one of the intended parents was like with the agency, and so they just they had the owner come on and everything. So that was really cool. But um, yeah, I found out about that and I just kind of like I wanted to do it. I had to convince my husband at first, because you know, I feel like every husband or every partner kind of comes into it and they're like, Well, that's really dangerous. I don't want anything to happen to you, right? And you have to kind of like hit them with the facts, you have to do your research and hit them with the science. And, you know, actually, it's you know, it does come with some risks as far as like you know, IVF and all of that, but as far as the pregnancy and the birth, it's really no no different. At least for me, you know, it wasn't. And so um, we just kind of went all in. We interviewed a few agencies, and um, ultimately, I think our heart was just like dead set on that one. And so I went with them and I was matched like as soon as all of my like each step, you know, was done. I think I was matched almost immediately. And so that was really cool.
SPEAKER_01:That's very cool and very quick.
SPEAKER_00:Love, love when that happens, right?
SPEAKER_02:How many years ago did you do your first one?
SPEAKER_00:Uh we started in 2020. Oh god, pandemic. And then I think uh yeah, yeah. And then I had the baby in 2021, like at the very, very end. Okay, that is fast.
SPEAKER_01:So you started literally in the pandemic, not like January, February, like you were in pandemic times.
SPEAKER_00:Wow, yeah. Like we're in the everywhere. Yep.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, what what better way to bypass COVID than be pregnant, really? Yeah, can't go anywhere, can't do anything.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:So can I ask, were you working with the agency when you did surrogacy, or did that come after you did surrogacy? After you did a journey.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so that was after I had already kind of begun my second journey. Um, and they came to me. They were looking to hire an intake coordinator, and I had no idea, you know, I was just kind of a stay-at-home mom at that point. I was like dabbling in real estate, but my heart wasn't really in it. Um not for me, but I was doing a bit, like I said, postpartum doula work virtually. Um, but no, um, they yeah, they approached me and they were like, you know, we think you would be really great at it. Um, we'll teach you everything you need to know. And they did, and I ended up being really, really good at it, and I loved it so much. And one of the things that I did, um, you know, as an intake coordinator, you're getting on the phone with all of the surrogate applicants and um, you know, kind of educating them. Favorite part, like you don't know what you don't know. And so I think going into it, you know, letting them know what they need to know, like all of the important things, you know, that was really, really fun for me. I felt like it was very impactful. Um, and then let's see, just kind of keeping up with them. So I did that for gosh, I don't even know how many months. It somewhere between three and six. I was in Tick Coordinator. And then um I was asked to do their um their gift box program. And so that was a really fun one. I um I kind of I had kind of like creative freedom to kind of do what I wanted with that, and so I came up with these fun themes uh for each month, and I would you know reach out to our surrogates and hey, do you need anything? How is it going? You know, before I get this box together, here's the theme. But if you're needing something else, you know, let me know and we'll we'll work on that. I love that. Yeah, it was so fun. It was it I would be on there just shopping all the time. Like I had a budget, of course, but like what a dream.
SPEAKER_01:Amazon. If I could just like shop on Amazon, that's like a dream.
SPEAKER_02:Somebody else's money, hell yes. Okay, thank you. And then give it to people who are so deserving. Uh win win. Oh, and get paid check.
SPEAKER_00:Wait, right, and so I did all of that for I want to say a year and two months. And then my husband and I, we had these other things we wanted to do, like we wanted to become foster parents, and then we were starting up um another business that we've kind of put on the back burner, it's not even relevant, but um yeah, and so um the whole foster thing kind of fell through just because we couldn't find a training. Um we couldn't find a training that the hours that we had to be there. It was like from six to nine at night. And we have two small, you know, we have two small kids. We can't just like up and you know, and we couldn't find a sitter who would be willing to so can I pause right there?
SPEAKER_01:I'm sorry, can I pause right there? I didn't know that you had to go to training to be a foster parent. Yes, yeah, yeah, okay. That makes me feel a little bit better about foster and parent checks and yes, CPR.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you've got to do stuff. I don't know all kinds of like it's not only like a foster care training, but you also have to do like first aid, CPR, um very in-depth, like um like background checks and all of that. Yeah, yeah, it's um it's really hard to get into, and I think that's why more people aren't doing it because it's difficult.
SPEAKER_02:But to that point, Chris, you don't want just anybody doing it, you want those who are willing to do it for the long haul and whose hearts are in the right place, it's just like surrogacy. The heart's like adoption, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always wanted to do it, but I couldn't get my husband on board. That's a whole nother podcast. It's fine.
SPEAKER_01:So you had a journey and then you did the jobs, and then did you do another second journey during the job, yes or no?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, during the job. Yeah, second.
SPEAKER_01:So, how how were your pregnancies? How were your how was your matching? How was the whole thing?
SPEAKER_00:Uh, everything was really good. Matching was great. I feel like I was I'm probably one of the easiest. You know, I'm kind of like if they want to have a business, you know, you know, all of the match preferences. I'm just like kind of laid back with it. I really did.
SPEAKER_02:You have any specific wants or desires, you and your husband going in saying, listen, it's gotta be, they have to be within 20 miles, it has to be same sex, like any wants or wishes that were big, like top two or three, or were you just easy going?
SPEAKER_00:Easy going for the most part. We wanted someone kind, not someone who would, you know, not talk to us, not ask about their child. I just didn't want it to feel too business like, I guess. I wanted to feel that sense of at the very least, I care about my kid and how my kid is coming up, you know. Yeah, for sure. And I've heard that's not the case for everyone, and sometimes you don't know until you're in it.
SPEAKER_01:A lot of the times you won't know till you're like three, four months pregnant. You didn't mean you just gotta be real careful, it's hard. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:I'm glad you you found people, right? That were in in the journey, they were like, Yes, present. Yes, very close by.
SPEAKER_00:Oh, sorry. Sorry, go ahead. Were they close by or far away? Well, far away. I have one intended parent. Um well, her I I'm I talked to the intended mothers, I wasn't really close at all to the intended fathers. That's that's um, yeah. So the first journey, um, they live in Florida, and then the second journey was international. Oh, it was.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, what countries what's the biggest difference between domestic and international? I think I know the answer, but maybe I don't.
SPEAKER_00:I think just the time difference, yeah. Because they both they both reached out, you know, uh multiple times a week. Um, and then there my first internal mother, I think we were talking every day.
SPEAKER_02:Oh very yeah, was it the first baby for your first couple? Had they had no children?
SPEAKER_00:This was the first go at it, or uh no, they they already had two children. Um, the the pregnancies were just really dangerous for mom and the babies. Oh, um, yeah, so interesting for surrogacy. And what was really cool too is while I was pregnant, um, they had adopted a little girl. Oh wow, they were chili bumps. Are you kidding? Yeah, it was so sweet. Oh my god, they really must have wanted kids, like a big family, and to celebrate that with them, that was really special for me too, you know, because I wanted to do, you know, I've always wanted to be a foster parent, um, you know, so I don't know. That was just really special.
SPEAKER_01:That's so sweet. So this was the 2020 couple, right? Yes, yeah, okay. And so when it came for transfer, it was it one embryo?
SPEAKER_00:And the first one stuck. So that was a nice experience for me. Yeah, for sure. Because I wanted to do it again, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Right, right. How'd the how'd the pregnancy go? Like, did you have any uh did you pass your diabetic screen? You know, did you pass all that stuff? Flying colors?
SPEAKER_00:It was all really great. Um, it ended in it ended in a C-section. Um, it was partial, uh placenta previa. It didn't move. And so Okay, good. Yeah, we just went for that. And it was it was good, you know. The the whole thing was good. It's just the recovery was really difficult.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, it's major surgery. People don't understand that. It's they're cutting through layers and layers and layers of muscle and skin. So horrible. I don't get all with Tylenol.
SPEAKER_01:Please. It's so pleased. Like, I don't get it. My just like a little like a my husband had my husband had like um oh my gosh, what's that called, Mom? ACL. AC, right? The ACL tear, right? He got so much time off. He got so much time off and good drugs. I mean, good drugs. And then and then freaking, you know, women get sliced open to like their core, and it's like you're gonna go back in six weeks and like here's some time. Like, what the heck?
SPEAKER_02:Get up, walk around, resume everything immediately, and take care of all your children at home because that's easy to do with the stomach recovery.
SPEAKER_01:So mind blowing. It's so I mean, it's just wild. So, yeah. So, was that hard? How old were your children at this point?
SPEAKER_00:Oh my gosh, they were so I had they were little because they're yeah, my youngest, he had just turned one. He had been one for a while. Like, I that's little.
SPEAKER_02:We're still diapers, we're still turtle learning how to walk.
SPEAKER_00:You're still bending and picking up baby, like uh, I well, I didn't until like I did not feel good until a week later. I could not function.
SPEAKER_03:It was poor thing, but we did set up care.
SPEAKER_00:We had my mother-in-law who came immediately. Um she helped out. My husband helped out as much as he could. He worked too full time, more than full-time, even he was doing overtime. Wow, and then my mom came to help as well. So we did have that support there. That's great. So that's that's really good.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, you need to still it's other people in your house, and it's you're not back to your routine and you feel like crap, and it's a lot. People don't understand that fourth trimester of surrogacy, it's a big one. A fourth trimester of anything. Oh, yeah. If you have a if you have a um, if you have a c section or if it's vaginal, I don't care, it's still tough. You're trying to get back to your life. Okay, so you recovered, yeah. I'm open. Yes, yeah, okay, good, good for you.
SPEAKER_01:And um, how quickly after were you like, gotta do it again?
SPEAKER_00:Oh, after the C section, uh-uh. I I was like, I'm gonna spend my time with this. Like, I do not feel good. This was not ideal. Um but then I think it was around the six-month mark, the agency had reached out to me asking if I wanted to do it again. And if so, um, they had someone um who they wanted me to meet. They think we'd be a really great match. And I was of course, yes, I will meet them. Of course, I want to do it. Wow. Yeah, and so of course we still had to wait the year before we could transfer, but we we were we were ready to go. It was a really great match, and um, you know, that IP really needed someone um I think experienced and someone laid back who would like, I guess really listen to her and you know, all of her concerns. And so, you know, that was an experience too, like learning how to be a team player and taking someone else's, you know, like feelings into account. But then I was also in a position where I've done this before, and so the you know, the things that she and I had talked about, you know, I was kind of like a source of comfort for her. Like you've done this, I trust you. And so that felt really great. That's super cool.
SPEAKER_01:We're so we're both of these, were both of your couples, well, one, were they couples? Like, are they heterosexual couples? Are they single parents? It just worked out that yeah, they were heterosexual.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I was just curious. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Did the second journey have children already, or is this the first experience for them?
SPEAKER_00:Oh no, that was their first experience.
SPEAKER_02:I can understand where she's very worried, and that was international, right? Yes, okay.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, was married, someone who has done it before, which I guess the whole like married thing was wasn't necessarily like anything weird, it just had to do with she wanted her surrogate to have that extra support, yeah, and stability, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:You're not doing it solo all by yourself, like we we we count on those partners for a lot. A whole lot, yeah.
unknown:Wow.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so how did the when did you end up meeting them in person?
SPEAKER_00:Your international couple when I was pushing their baby out, really like so we have done plenty of FaceTimes, uh phone calls, you know, lots of texting. Um, but no, yeah, it was like they walked in. I'm about to like their kid is crowning.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah. Okay, we'll just that. Was it just timing on their part where they just couldn't get a flight, or it just you went early? What happened? We'll get to that. Oh, sorry, what are we getting to? What am I missing?
SPEAKER_01:We're we're we're missing the whole pregnancy. Oh, sorry. How um so okay, so was this also just a single transfer?
SPEAKER_00:Yep, the first one took that time as well. Wow, girl.
SPEAKER_01:And everything was good. Did you ever have a I can never say it right, the subachronic hematoma, either pregnancy? No, god that's amazing. You're that's rare.
SPEAKER_00:That is. I didn't even know really. Like, there's a backstory. I I'm actually we're expecting our own. We can edit this part out if you want to expect a little girl now. And I did have one with her. I was like, what is that? Do I need to worry? Like, what do I do? Right. And they're like, oh girl, it's it's mostly in most cases, it's implantation.
SPEAKER_01:So I'm like, um, okay, good. So no, so no sub chronic hematomas. That's good. And your pregnancy, are you are you good? Is your son still one or is he two at this point? For the second journey, yeah, right? Or is he a little older?
SPEAKER_00:Um I can't even tell you how old they were. Uh they're probably a little maybe two years older. He was probably four at this point, and then my oldest, probably five, I want to say.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, okay. So now they're kind of understanding what mommy does.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, the last, the last baby, though. They uh they've always been very like really great about it. They've they've known, you know, this is not our baby, you know, mommy's doing this for someone else, um, someone who, you know, maybe couldn't do it on their own. But I don't really go into details with them, I just tell them like the need to know stuff, and they've always been so great about it, which is all they've ever known, really. Once you think about it. I started when they were toddlers. Yeah, my youngest was a baby still, but um this last journey. Um, my oldest really wanted to keep the baby. He's like, Mom, please, can we keep him? And I'm like, Oh, he's not keep and so that was kind of like you know, that influenced um, you know, we we wanted to at least try you know for another sibling after you know I retired. Uh yeah. So you know, glad that worked out. We weren't sure, you know, if we would be able to, you know, conceive. And so, you know, just because of all of the IVF and the unknowns, like I I fully understand why you're not, you know, why your family is supposed to be complete. Like, I get that. And it I know, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, it's all like I I get it, but it's also always a risk. Like, you know what you're gambling at this point, right? And I hate to say gambling, but like, you know, like I I had my son at 20. I was definitely not ready to have another child within these, within this decade. Like that was like not me. So, you know, I was like, well, let's fill it with surrogacy. Absolutely. Yeah, and but you know, now it sits in the back of my head, like, did are the IVF meds gonna like mess me up when I try it? Like, what's gonna happen now? How am I gonna be? Is my body gonna be weird? Because now it's now I have to do it on my own.
SPEAKER_00:But yeah, yeah, so we were just kind of like, if it happens, that's great, that's wonderful, that'll be a blessing. If it doesn't, you know, we knew that was, you know, a possibility and we'll be fine regardless. Um, but yeah, anyway, we can move on.
SPEAKER_03:You're good, you're good, you're good.
SPEAKER_01:We'll be right back. But first, I want to take a quick moment to talk about something close to my heart, helping families grow through surrogacy. If you've ever thought about becoming a surrogate or if you're an intended parent ready to start your journey, Paying It Forward Surrogacy is here to guide you every step of the way. At Paying It Forward Surrogacy, you're not just a number, you're supported, celebrated, and connected with real people who've walked this path before. Whether you're just starting to explore or ready to take the next step, they'll make sure you feel informed, empowered, and cared for from day one. Visit Paying It Forward Surrogacy.com to learn more. That's Payingit Forward Surrogacy.com because every journey to parenthood deserves heart, honesty, and the right support. Now let's get back to the episode. Okay, so your pregnancy, your second journey went smoothly.
SPEAKER_00:Yep. And I had a V back.
SPEAKER_02:So that's what I'm saying. You said when I she was cr when the baby was crowning, I'm like, oh, this girl had a V back. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. There was a thing though. Thank you. There was a thing though. Um, my intended parent was very, very nervous about that. What was what is it like less than one percent chance of um like a rupture? Rupture, right?
SPEAKER_01:What what what ruptures? I think I know, but just what what would rupture? What's the one percent?
SPEAKER_02:Uterus, uterus, okay, okay, uterus rupture and you would lose mom and baby, right? Like, I mean, the blood loss could be significant, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and she was super, super nervous about it. And we also I had a high-risk doctor who was monitoring me. Um, there was apparently like a divot in my scar. And so, you know, if that were the case, we would move forward with another C-section. And then I wouldn't, like, I would, yeah, that just there would be no possibility. Like in the future, I just would not want to do it again. Okay. So anyway, he kept monitoring that. My doctor turns out everything was great. Um, but still, my intent, my IP, she was just very nervous about it. And so I would be too.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:If I were your mother, I would be nervous about it. I'm sorry, I just come on, somebody's gonna be that one percent. I'm not saying it should be you, but somebody is all the time, right?
SPEAKER_00:Right, right. Yeah, but then you know, my doctor, she looked at all of our scans and she was like, everything looks great. You're a prime candidate for a V back if you want to do that. And so in my mind, though, I was already kind of resigned to you know, moving forward with the C-section. So I kept telling everybody, I'm okay with it, I'm at peace with it. Um, you know, I'm I feel prepared, I'm I know what to expect, so I can set things up to you know, have an easier recovery, you know, what have you.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So then it was sometime in my third trimester when it hit me. I was like, I do not want to go through that again. Why would I? No, correct. Um it there was drama too, like not with me and my IP, but like other people. There was some drama about all of this, even though I kept telling everyone I'm fine with it, this is what I want to do. But when it really hit me, I was like, okay, this is on me. This is my responsibility to talk to my intended parent and let her know, like, I'm very comfortable with this. I feel confident that this will go well. I'm like, I have to tell her how this will impact me if you know I do another surgery. Right. Um, and so I I really did. I came at her very compassionately. I told her, you know, my truth, and she she took a little bit of time. I I want to say she took about an hour before she responded, and then she was like, Yeah, you know, we'll support you, we'll do this.
SPEAKER_02:And so it's really sweet.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Because ultimately, if it wasn't progressing and going the right way, you're right there, you're not doing it in a birthing center, right? You're in the hospital, and you immediately can go into a C-section and both lives can be saved. So you're setting yourself up for um success either way, you did it. Either way, but why not try? Why not try? If Doc gave you the thumbs up, like yeah, especially a high-risk doc, they're giving you thumbs up. Yeah, good for you. Yeah, so how long was that labor? Oh uh question.
SPEAKER_00:What do you call it? I I I know what it's called, predromal labor, or is it do you pronounce it a different way where it's kind of like your body is in and out of labor? Like it's not real labor. Uh-huh. What you're still like during the day, um, you'll have labor, okay, and you'll be consistent, but then you go to bed at night and they're gone. They're gone. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:So it's different than Braxton Hicks.
SPEAKER_00:Yes, yes. And so y'all, I did that for a week. No, I was exhausted. I barely got any sleep. Wow. And um, so when the time did come, um I I labored all day and I knew I kind of knew like this is the day it's gonna happen. My husband's gonna have to come home soon, he's gonna have to drag me over. Um, uh how quick was it? Um so that evening around six o'clock, we went to the hospital, checked in, uh labored for a little bit. I believe I had the baby around 6 a.m. Okay, like next morning. So about 12 hours.
SPEAKER_02:When when when since you're doing this all week, this is labor's kind of starting and stalling and starting and stalling. What are the IPs doing? Are they like, oh, we're getting over there, we've got to get on a plane? Or are they like literally waiting till you check into the hospital? And what week are you at? Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:I was when I delivered, I believe I was right at 39 weeks. Okay. You're trying.
SPEAKER_01:And they weren't here yet. The international.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, they they said they were here for maybe two, two or three days, and then I had so that worked out. Okay, good. They were tired, they were like setting up the Airbnb and stuff, and I'm like, hey, it's happening right now. Yeah, and there, and like almost immediately I have the baby.
SPEAKER_03:Oh, wow.
SPEAKER_00:Okay.
SPEAKER_01:You want, yeah, okay, let's go into that. Okay. So, okay, so your husband takes you to the hospital, and you call IPs on your way, and you're like, hey guys, like meet us over there.
SPEAKER_00:Pretty much, yeah. We're like, hey, we're checking in. Um uh what did I how did I can't remember exactly how it went. Sure. I got checked. I think I told her my dilation. Okay. Uh labored a little bit longer. And she kept asking me, she was very excited. Should we come now? Should we come?
SPEAKER_03:No.
SPEAKER_00:I'm like, let me let's see, let's give it a little bit longer. Okay. And so it did go very quickly. Um, I decided to go for the epidural.
SPEAKER_03:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I mean, it was my first like attempt to, you know, have a vaginal birth after a season. And so I was like, yeah, go ahead, put it in. That way we can be ready if something does go wrong. Right. I felt that was a very smart move on my end. Like, I don't want to die, so put it in my back. Go ahead. And so we did that, and then they put me on the peanut ball. And at about that point, it did not take long. Like, I remember um I was still in the first post they put me in, and then I felt like a gush, and then I felt the pressure on you. Yeah, like a poo, you know. Yep. And um, yeah, I was like, I called the nurse and I said, Hey, oh, and what's funny too is my doctor who was on call that night, she had just left to go home and eat and get success.
SPEAKER_03:Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And so she had to turn around on her way home and come catch the baby.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, how cool that she she was your doc and she was on call in there. That's awesome.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:That's great. No, that is great. Okay, so then and then they just walk in like last second.
SPEAKER_00:Um, like right. So the one of the nurses did have to hold my legs closed because she came in, she opened my legs off the peanut ball, she looked and she slammed them. Oh my gosh. And she said, I will get the doctor to turn around right now. And so I was like, okay. And then I told Diego, my husband, I was like, tell the IPs to come to me because we're like any second now. He's coming.
SPEAKER_01:Oh my gosh.
SPEAKER_00:I was really worried that he was just gonna slide right out because he Oh my gosh. I mean, they're having to hold my legs close. I was like, What are you gonna do to the nurse? Yeah, what are you gonna do if this baby? Like comes out and the doctor's not here. She said, Well, it wouldn't be the first time that I had to catch one, but yeah, I prefer not to put it in.
SPEAKER_02:You can ask a question, and you might not even know. Like, you just it might have all blurred together. But before you were put on the peanut ball, did you know how far you were dilated?
SPEAKER_00:Probably, but I can't remember. Okay, because the peanut ball must have been. Like get on the peanut ball, your baby will be here within an hour. Like, yeah, I believe. So they got to see the baby born, yes. They they stayed, they they didn't want to like you know be dumb. Okay, but they were in the room, but yeah, okay. And the idea was the baby was gonna go straight to them. Okay, uh, but the nurse and I I told them that I was like, I I'm not gonna be the one to hold him. Like, he needs to go to his parents, they need to change his skin, all of that. But he comes out and they like throw him on my chest, and they're like wiping him down, making him cry. And I'm like, what is this? Because I have not like given birth like that in the hospital before, and so I really didn't expect that, you know. With my two at the birth center, I had the baby, they gently put him on my chest, they you know, draped him with towels, and we just like lay there forever.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, it's very different, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:Well, that's like wow, they just were going through muscle memory, they were just this is how a normal birthday.
SPEAKER_01:No, that's no excuse. Excuse me. No, no, no. I I I'll make this really short. I had a complication when my son was born, so he wasn't thrown onto me, so he had to go away for 45 minutes. And I was so, so adamant with every doctor and every nurse and every time I gave birth, and I was like, you will not throw that baby on me because I will not be doing this with a surrogate baby before I do this with my own baby.
SPEAKER_02:So it's interesting with you though, because I was there, you told them literally baby's crowning, and you're like, remember, baby's not coming. Oh, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:No, I was like, not not for me. You can hold this because all of them, all of them had the cord blood, so they would just hold them like Zimba.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_02:And doctors like literally write down ready to catch you, like, remember. I'm like, oh, she's got it.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I never would have thought to tell them that because I just assumed like Billy's parents, not me, yeah, right.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. Well, and like sometimes and like, yeah, that would be like the because I've heard of other people too where it's like um like the dad or the mom already kind of like has like their shirt off and like they're ready to go. And so as soon as baby's born, then here you go. Now it's like skin to skin. They're like at the chair next to you, but like you know, it goes like that.
SPEAKER_02:Is this intended mom upset the baby didn't go? Oh okay.
SPEAKER_00:She I think they both were they're very nervous. And she kind of just like I looked over at my intended mother when they threw him on me, and I'm just like, do I touch him? Like, I don't even know what to do in this situation. That's a lot. She's like crying, she's so like all struck. Like she saw the son for the first time, you know. It was like, and I I he was a son, but I mean, I mean, like, you know, yeah, literally figuratively, every all of it. Yeah, yeah, so sweet. That was the most amazing thing to see her looking like that. It was so special. Oh my god. Eventually, you know, they took him and they had to do battles and and all of that. So did they get to cut umbilical cord?
SPEAKER_02:Did dad get to cut?
SPEAKER_00:They asked my husband to do it. I had no idea. Like, I I I mean, I was like there, but I had no idea that they had asked him to do that. It's so weird.
SPEAKER_01:These have they not dealt with surrogates?
SPEAKER_00:Surrogates, right? And they wanted my husband to come.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I thought it was the hospital. Hospital needs education. Got it. Yeah, yeah. Wow, that was sweet. What was behind that?
SPEAKER_00:I honestly have no idea. I think a small part of them didn't want to go down there, you know what I mean? Respect and privacy people, and so I think that was a part of it. And the fact that he is my husband, I think that was, you know, he had supported me through the whole journey. So maybe they wanted to like, you know, that was their special way of of thanking him, maybe.
SPEAKER_01:That's where my head went. I'm like, wow, that's super special. They kind of like we're giving him like this little honor as well as like, hey, you helped bring my son into this world. That's where my brain's supposed to be. That's so special, super sweet. Oh my gosh. Okay, so are they in your room like doing scan-to-scan, or do they get to get to their own room like right away?
SPEAKER_00:Well, for a little while, they stayed in the room with me for as long as like I was there. I guess. At my hospital, they kind of keep me in there for like an hour or so. Yeah, yeah, to monitor things. And then what once you know that was up, we all we went to our own separate um, what do you call it, postpartum recovery? Yeah, yeah, thing, something like that. Yeah, they had me in the little wheelchair, like and we're with the baby right beside me, and we're all all going up the hallway. So cute. Oh my god.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, how sweet. So do you get to do your kids get to come and like meet baby before baby leaves, or like, is there an introduction of any type?
SPEAKER_00:We we did kind of. Um, so we had we had done something separately um with the IPs, and um, you know, she had her sister come, her mom came. Um, we all we took her nephew. Um I was trying to remember. So she her sister, you know, had a son, and so we took him and then my two boys uh to the aquarium here. And that was just really fun for all of them. Um, they didn't bring the baby, obviously. I mean, it's a it's an aquarium, yeah, just one, right? Right. Uh, but then a few days before they left, we came and saw them again, and we all kind of had a walk together, and he was in his little oh, I think they make strollers now with it's like a bassinet stroller. Yeah, okay in there, and it was all zipped up and stuff. Mosquitoes are very bad in Texas. Okay. They were prepared. Oh, how funny. And uh, so the boys did get to like see him through that. And um yeah, it was really it was special. I mean, it was just it was a walk.
SPEAKER_01:But your sons, like, they were they weren't. I'm gonna like right. I'm just gonna like ask the question, right? Do you think your sons were negatively or positively, or just like not even impacted by surrogacy?
SPEAKER_00:That's a good question. I would either say positively impacted, or maybe not at all at this point, just because they're young.
SPEAKER_02:Right. Um it may come out later when they get a little older and go, you know what? My mom helped somebody have some kids, like you know. I'm hoping for you know that they see the good in it.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, how could you not see it?
SPEAKER_01:I'm sure they will. You said you had a five-year-old, right? At the time, for one, yeah. They'll they'll remember. I remember I was five.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I was five when my mom did it the first time. I remember a lot better. I don't want them to look back and be like, why didn't why didn't we give those babies away? Why didn't we keep it?
SPEAKER_01:I think you could no. They're because you know what, they're not in their lives making the connection every day. It's not like a sibling that's gonna torment you or like play ball with you, or you know, things like that. So it's like kind of like out of sight, out of mind in a way.
SPEAKER_00:Like, but we do get pictures too, and so it's good for them to see those updates and see them, you know. Yes, this is what we did this for. Look how you know, look how happy, you know, that baby is. Yeah, so yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, so okay, so after that, you kind of like decided to retire. Did you just did you decide to retire like personally?
SPEAKER_00:Like it was like that's it for the most part, yeah. I mean, when it comes to surrogacy, I like to say never say never. Of course, of course, um, but I think now in my current situation, yeah, um it's just it's not going to happen. I feel very um I feel fulfilled personally. I feel like what I, you know, everything I've done is kind of complete. I've had my closure, and you know, everything is good for me, and I'm just ready to, you know, help others. And I have all of these like experiences and you know, I have all of this knowledge that there's someone out there who wants to be a surrogate or an intended parent, and they don't know the things that I know. But if they had a doula, you know, a surrogate, um, you know, they could be properly educated and better prepared. And maybe that's you know, um, maybe that's a different question. I don't know.
SPEAKER_01:No, you know what? We're going right into it. I told you it all flows, it all flows, girl. So be so now that you are retired, what inspired you to create the surgacy doula program?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, okay. So that has a story with that as well. So when foster care, when we decided we're gonna have to put that to the side until the boys are older, um, I wanted to get back into it in a in a sense that I wanted to, you know, work again. Okay. Uh so I applied for a year, you guys. I applied to agency after agency for uh yeah, intake coordinator roles. Um I also had it done. You had all this experience in an agency. Why wouldn't somebody scoop you up? I um I don't I think maybe they didn't believe me when I told them. I'm like I said I'm very, very good at turning leads into applicants. Like I'm not even kidding. I started that job not knowing what the heck I was doing. Yeah, you know, I just learned what what they had taught me to do. And then I kind of found my own way to get people to respond because they don't always, you know. No, true. You send them an email and they're not gonna reply to that. And so I came up with my own like system. And about 90, and I I told everyone this about 90 to 95 percent of the time, I would get a response, and that's all you need to like get in the door. Yeah, you know, you you gotta show them though, like you at least you you know, care about them and their experience. You let them know I'm gonna help you. We'll hop on a call, I'll tell you what you need to know. And then that's you know, that's up to you. Like, I it was my job, like it's up to me whether I pressure someone or not. And I did not do that, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:It's not a thing that form, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:It's it's and I will, I'm just gonna put this PSA out there. If you ever talk to an intake coordinator and they are pressuring you, maybe go somewhere else, maybe talk to somebody else because it should never be a pressure, it should be an educational conversation. That's all it is, right? That's all it is.
SPEAKER_00:For me, I want you to enjoy your conversation with me. And I want you to leave knowing that you knew something you didn't know before, and that you're confident in the next decision that you're gonna make. Right. Yes, and that's how everybody should be.
SPEAKER_01:Yep, right, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and so I was like, if you don't go with us, yeah, you know, that's that's you know, that's okay. Your decision. Yeah, yeah, but you know, uh it it also was my job, you know, to to you know, uh, I want you to come over here. Right now, sure, got it, got it. Yeah, it's a delicate balance, and you did it well. You did it well, and I want to see I loved it so much, but there was no like going back to my you know, my previous agency that was not an option, and so when I say countless agencies I applied to, like for over a year I did that, and then it just and two, I suspect a little bit they didn't want to to pay what I needed, and oh okay, it's like this is the bare minimum for me to, you know, for me and my family to like live. It wasn't like oh I'm worth it, you know, pay me right a lot of money. No, yeah, like standard, you know, like I knew what standard was in and it's not a lot.
SPEAKER_01:I want to throw it out there.
SPEAKER_00:It's not a lot, standard's not a lot, it's not especially like a part-time position, and most of these were, yeah, and there were some really um interesting agencies that you know they offered like a commission, right? Um, if if this person passes medical clearance or you know, something like that, you get a commission. And so I was like, okay, well, that's that's great because I know that you know, I do a good job at this, and anyway, so that was a thing. Um, I I really just don't think they wanted to pay that much, and I think some of them just did not believe me.
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SPEAKER_00:And so that is a shame. And believe it or not, I actually do a lot better over the phone than I do like on Zoom. And so on the phone, like you are killing it. Do not sell yourself short. No, but um, I always say that, I'm always nervous, but I think it's like the ADD in me where like when I'm looking at someone, I can't really think about what I'm what I'm saying. Okay, I can just like I'm looking at you guys and I'm enjoying like the conversation, but my mind is like, what did she just ask me? Aw, um so a year of struggling to get a job in the industry goes by, and I'm like, okay, I'm gonna have to do something myself. If I want to be in, like if I want to work in the surrogacy industry, I gotta do something myself. And so I considered, what if I, you know, open my own agency? I know how to do it, I know, you know, all of that. Yeah, um, I have money saved up, I can pay for you know, marketing, attorney, like everything. I'm good. I can bootstrap and be good. But then I was like, uh it's a lot, yeah, as we both know at this point, it's a lot, and so I don't know, it took a little while, it took a while of thinking and brainstorming. And I was like, I've always had one foot in the door of you know working as a doula, it's always been a passion of mine, and a lot of times as a postpartum doula, I just I would help people for free, just because like I didn't have a ton of clients, you know, it just was like they come in here and there, and so I was like, Can I ask a question?
SPEAKER_02:No, I don't want to stop the train though, but you're saying postpartum doula. So to me, postpartum is after the birth, right?
SPEAKER_00:Can you so I trained for that first? Yeah, okay. I did that training back in 2020, and so I just had like a little trickle of of clients come in and I would help them out, but I never like fully you know went into that. I never tried to make that a career. Okay. Um, I probably should have, you know, because then I would have all of this experience. But um, the training now that I'm almost finished with is for um birth doula, so pregnancy coach and birth doula training. Okay, and so yeah, that's that's a whole you know different blogging, but it's like all of the different, you know, not necessarily like preconception. I don't really mess with that. That's yeah, it's it's different. Do your own research, but like when it comes to surrogate surrogacy, once you're pregnant, um, all of that, like supporting you on your journey, like that's my jam. That's what I want to do, that's what I'm good at, that's why I'm training. Um so what inspired me is the fact that I had I had no choice but to like figure out my own way in. And so I kind of found this white space. Um, I have watched so many, and I believe you are one of them, but I've watched so many surrogates and IPs in the industry who I've you know followed forever, you know, ever since I started on Instagram. Like they all like launched their own thing, whether it's like a referral agency or like a you know a full onsert or a full service agency. Like I've watched it and I was like, well, why why not me? Why can't I buy white space and and create something entirely new? Yeah, yeah. And um, I had mentioned it to my trainer, my doula trainer Lori, um, and she she loved it. She was like, that is amazing. Like there's really no one out there doing that. She takes on surrogates and IPs too herself. Okay. But it's different, you know. She's not like trying to, I don't, I don't know if specialize is the right word, but sure it's different. And plus it's in-person too, because you know, like if they're in LA, that's where she works. Right. Um for me, it's gonna be more virtual, virtual services. I think under the right circumstances, I would love to make as many in-person births as I can. I think that would be like so special. Yeah, absolutely. But it will all be virtual support, which is better than none.
SPEAKER_02:And how would you get the clients? How how are you marketing? Are you going through agencies? What are you doing? Both.
SPEAKER_00:So I'm doing my own marketing. Um, my trainer Lori, she will be sending referrals. She said she gets she gets so many referrals, like she sometimes has to, you know, yeah, like refer them to someone else. And so a great problem to have. Like, if great to be received, of that problem. Yeah, right. Yeah, that's wonderful. And so, um, yeah, and then to work with agencies, that would be great too. And so I have come up with my my package. I'm still kind of like fine-tuning it. I am a perfectionist and I don't want to, you know, launch something that I feel is not complete and like that I'm not proud of. And so I don't want to go to an agency and be like, hey, here's my idea. Um, I hope you want to work with me. No, I want to come to you and be like, here is exactly what I'm gonna be doing. Yeah, here's why it it will benefit you guys as well.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:The idea is to work as a team. And so even though I'm a third party, um, what do you call it? An independent contractor, if you want, yes, um, we're still working as a team. So as long as my surrogate, an intended parent, is my clients, we'll just call it that, as long as they're comfortable with me coming to you and saying, hey, this is this is how um we'll just say surrogate. Uh, this is how surrogate is feeling. This is what's coming up for her. Um, this is the support she needs. Um, if it's not something that I can do, which I can I can probably make just about anything work, it everyone just works together as a team. Like to know how your surrogates are feeling, especially if they don't feel comfortable coming to you. Correct. There have been cases for me, you know, where I have felt odd going, you know, to it's weird.
SPEAKER_01:And it's not anything, it's it's not anything that the agency has necessarily done to make you feel weird. It's just like it's just that awkwardness of like, well, I'm not paying you, I'm making, I'm I'm getting a compensation out of this. You're being paid by the IPs. Are you more on their side? Like, it's just it's just like all of that that sticks in your head as like a survey.
SPEAKER_00:If I bring this up to the agency, is this inappropriate? Because like the problem, right? They want to hand like I don't know if it is is it just you know what I mean. Just like right.
SPEAKER_01:You don't you don't ever want to rock the boat, so it's like let's just ask a third party because there's more comfortability there.
SPEAKER_02:So as a dual to a surrogate and uh and an IPs who are working together, right? Part of these doula services are you can mitigate, you you you can be the go-between. That's that's unusual for a doula. So that's a step above, like, right?
SPEAKER_00:Like, I I think it I don't know. I think it's it's a really good idea too, though. Oh, I do.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's fantastic. I wish I had that. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:No, because surrogates are gonna be quiet. They're the there's a lot, they're not gonna say anything and hold on to whatever might be bothering them with all those hormones and all those thinking that it's and it could have just been an easy conversation with someone who isn't quite connected to the agency who could say, Oh, hold on a second, yeah, here we go, and boom, that's done, stress-free. Here we go, the next trimester, and let's have a healthy outcome. Like that's all it could take, but sometimes the surrogate doesn't know that. So if she has somebody in her back pocket, right, it's just somebody in her back pocket, hell yeah.
SPEAKER_00:A lot of times surrogates don't know that they have they even have a say or they have options, you know, they go in the agency, they talk to, they do whatever they're told to do. Like they don't know that they have all of these options and that they have and so you know that's kind of part of it too. A doula's job is to educate, you know, not just but to educate fully.
SPEAKER_02:And so so so what I know of doulas, right, is is they're there supporting literally through the birth. Through the birth. So would you be virtual at the birth, if possible?
SPEAKER_00:Can is that a thing? At every birth, the plan is to be virtual. What my husband and I have talked about how we are gonna make it work, and it's honestly really exciting to me. But again, if I think if if everything is um things have to be aligned, things have to work out, and I need to be able to, you know, leave my children, yeah to attend a birth. Oh, sure. Right. But I'm not I I would love to do that too.
SPEAKER_02:For sure, and I would love to do that, but yeah, that's the that's the goal down the line, like yeah, that's the and you and it's probably not even gonna happen. I though I think the only roadblock you may even see is recording, but I don't think you would record those sessions, like so boom, you're done. Like, yeah, right. Hospital won't let you record inside the room. Oh, yeah, that's the only thing I would even think is a roadblock, but I wouldn't even think why would you need to record a doula session with your surrogate? That's just in the moment, yeah. So there you go.
SPEAKER_00:Interesting. So at that point, I think it would just be, you know, labor support, just sounding for exactly like if you're in there in person, but you can't you can't be hands-on, you know, you can't you can't physically lay hands on your your clients.
SPEAKER_02:It's one less person in the room, too, which sometimes those rooms get crowded. So if she's got a screen where you're literally right here talking to her, and it's just you and her going through.
SPEAKER_01:I I don't know AirPods in or whatever.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, it's too virtual to switch back and forth, you know, be with the surrogate while she's if she needs something to be said to the IPs or they need an update, hang up, talk to them, call her right back, you know. Right person, you know, you might have to run back and forth, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Right, right. This phone call. No, I think this is great.
SPEAKER_02:I think the idea is fantastic and honestly.
SPEAKER_01:And everybody these days is virtual, like everything, and and this can easily be made virtual. So I this is gonna be awesome. Like true. So are you just gonna work strictly with surrogates? No, I piece too. No, I'm sorry. I are so but like you're strictly just like surrogacy-based. Like if I were to get pregnant tomorrow, I'm not I'm not calling Kristen. You could.
SPEAKER_00:I will forever see you as a surrogate. Oh, thank you. Like, I will forever see myself, you know, as a huge part of you guys' lives. It's a huge part.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, but we're all surrogates. Once a surrogate always is a surrogate. Yep. We're if we didn't have to retire, we wouldn't retire. Let's put it that way. I would still be doing it. We know.
SPEAKER_00:Just saying, you brought it up.
SPEAKER_01:You gave the segue. You would have been on like her 12th surrogate, baby, right now.
SPEAKER_00:You would too, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, Jesus, Jesus. Well, if people want to like find you in your services and everything, where do they go? Social media, email, website.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so the website is still up and coming because again, a profession, uh, put it at perfectionist.
SPEAKER_01:You're I will put this out there when it is up, Kristen. You let me know and I will add it to the show notes of this.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. Yes. Uh, but you can also find me at uh Wellsurrow Community. So it's W E L L S U R R O community. Um, that's on Instagram. You could also email me at Kristen at wellsorrow.com. Okay.
SPEAKER_01:Perfect. And then they can just so um if I'm a okay, I have another question. If I'm a surrogate and I'm already with an agency and my maybe my contracts are signed, maybe my contracts aren't signed yet. I don't know. I haven't that's not where I'm going with this. My question is, are agencies the only one reaching out to you, or can intended parents and surrogates reach out like at any time and be like, hey, I would like to acquire your services?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Both.
unknown:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:So the idea would be um I plan to reach reach out to agencies, um, you know, pitch them the procreate them to this is what you know, this is what I'm doing. Here's how I could impact, you know, your surrogates, your IPs, and the little babies. Because I think, you know, you know, better outcomes with the surrogate, like you're gonna have better outcomes with the baby. Yeah. And then not just like physically, but like mentally with everyone as well, because we all need to know what's coming. Yeah, we need to like pay attention to what may be coming up so that we can work through it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And then, you know, we need to have proper closure. Like, what it doesn't matter if you're gonna do another journey with those people, it doesn't matter if you're gonna go with someone else. That journey in specific, y'all know we we go through a lot emotionally. Like we were just kind of the center of these people's world.
SPEAKER_01:Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Now you're barely gonna hear from them.
SPEAKER_01:Correct. Right.
SPEAKER_00:Um, at least in the beginning. That's a loss.
SPEAKER_01:You might get updates here and there, but and it's easier to like think like, oh, I'm gonna be fine with that until you actually go through it. Because I've talked to several surrogates, and it's like, okay, that's great, you're fine with it, but can we just maybe maybe my advice to you is just put something in your contract, anything that you're comfortable with for you to have closure. And then guess what? If you don't want to use it, don't use it. But like you don't know how you're gonna feel, you don't know exactly.
SPEAKER_00:And so, yeah, reach out to agency. I have to, that's what I do. Like, I I run with something and I forget, like, okay, answer the question. Oh, yeah, I would be a partner with the agency. Oh no, you're good, like a resource. Yeah. You know, if your clients want a doula, please reach out. I'm your girl. I take care of them from um contract execution.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_00:Uh, because typically uh don't we already have medical clearance?
SPEAKER_01:Like I'm trying to- Yeah, so it goes med clearance and then you do contracts and then you and then you do medicine.
SPEAKER_00:For me, it was like both at the same time. I remember I'm going to medical clearance and talking to my attorney about the contract. Same time. Wow. Yeah. It's so I couldn't remember what goes first. But yeah, contract execution, you know, it'll be month by month meetings, but I'm also going to be available um at any time, like during office hours. Text me as much as you want to. Let's talk about what you're going through. Um, any questions you have. Yeah. Um, your girl, call me if you need to. Um, but yeah, but the the meetings are gonna be um there will be I have my little so I was just like going over it today. So there will be pregnancy support. There's going to be a bit of nutrition support. So that's one of the uh certifications that I'm finishing up, um, perinatal nutrition. And then there will be um like a focus on education too, so surrogacy education, and so it's gonna kind of align too with where you are in the pregnancy, but I also kind of want The IPs to feel more involved. So, you know, it may be a fun thing that they could do. Like, I know it might be awkward for some people, but for others, it'll be really fun. Let's pretend you're pregnant. Like, let's pretend you're actually pregnant. If you want to, you know, um kind of like eat similar to your surrogate, or um it it's there's a lot to it. I have so many fun ideas that I think would be really wonderful where the intended parents, like I said, can be really involved and be bonding, okay, and just feel a part of it. Because I know there are some IPs, I've heard plenty of stories where they get the baby and they feel, you know, they disconnected. Yeah, disconnected. They don't feel like this baby is necessarily theirs, and it takes a really long time and a lot of work for them to come around. And um, I think if they were more involved during the pregnancy and they were doing, you know, like mindfulness work, maybe they're journaling, maybe they're um, I don't know, like my IPs, they made this um Spotify playlist um a bunch of songs on it that they wanted me to play for the baby when he was able to hear. And so I did that. And then as soon as he was born, we put that on, you know, as they're building him. And then they played it, you know, um, they played I don't know when, but like all the time, you know. And so that was something he heard in the womb, and then he heard with his parents, and so that was like a comforting thing for him. I think there are there's so many things that that we could all work on that similar to that, that prepare the baby, prepare the IPs, um, but like a big focus too, you know, for the surrogates. But it's mostly not just like, you know, pregnancy support, nutrition, all of that. Like you need to know what's coming, you need to know what might come up. Um, let's talk about how we might go like when when things do come up, how are we gonna work on that together? How are you, you know, gonna work on that with yourself? And then, you know, just like a sounding board, like a part of a doula's job too, is to listen. You know, how are you feeling? What are you going through? Um, here's here's some things. Oh, you're feeling nauseous, Kennedy. Well, let's here are some, you know, recipes with ginger, here are some teas. Ask your mother. Um, but you know, eat small frequent meal, like here's some things that you can always, you know, ask your doctor first. Like, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:But the monthly, are the monthly meetings with all intent uh intended parents and the surrogate or each of them getting their own? No.
SPEAKER_00:So some of them will include the IPs if they want to come, absolutely, but some of them are gonna be really personal. Like, okay, for me, I might not necessarily want to be on a phone call with my IPs and my doula, and my doula's asking me, How are you eating? What is your nutrition like?
SPEAKER_01:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And then like, well, yeah, I would feel so odd. I would be not comfortable at all. So yeah, because you had mentioned monthly, so I was like, Well, who's getting them? Okay, so it's mainly though, you know, I'm eating balanced meals for the most part. Yeah, I did have a bacon cheeseburger with fries, and um, you know, I gave in to a craving, and the IP's like, oh, you know, but um ideally, you know, that's not really gonna happen. But it's just it's it's the the concept, like they may not be comfortable with certain things, so I would do two separate, you know, okay sessions. Yeah. So I think um, like towards the end, you gotta there's gonna be some birth prep. You know, obviously we've done this before, or you wouldn't be a surrogate, so you know how it's gonna go for the most part. But we will create your birth plan. We're gonna talk about how do you envision it, how do you want it to go. Um, and then with the IPs, you know, a lot of times you have to explain to them like the surrogate, she's she gets to say how she labors and gives birth, and you don't really have unfortunately much of a say in that. Um hopefully, you know, you have a surrogate who's very compassionate and who will listen. Um, but you just need to be prepared and you can't come into it like thinking that you're gonna, you know, kind of control the situation.
SPEAKER_03:Right.
SPEAKER_00:And so um, the best, the best bet would be, you know, talk, be honest with your surrogate and or doula. Um, talk about what you want, uh, but at the end of the day, you know, figure out how you can support your your surrogate and how she labors and gives birth because odds are it's gonna be for beautiful for you know everyone.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And then if it if it doesn't, you know, go the way that you had planned, at least you knew, okay, it may not be perfect, you know, I may not get my perfect birth, but I knew that this could happen, I knew that that could happen. Um, you know, I made a decision with all of that, you know, educated decisions, and I feel comfortable even though, you know, it didn't go as planned, but yeah, it's good stuff. Yeah, it's all just knowing.
SPEAKER_02:It's it's what we say, even when you're looking for an agency. You have to do your research, you have to know information, you have to know what you want. Yeah, it's it's all the same. It's knowledge, knowledge is power. It's gonna help everybody and everything. Yeah. Wow.
SPEAKER_01:I'm very excited for you, Kristen. This is so exciting.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. I cannot wait to get started. I feel that I would do it right now if I could.
SPEAKER_01:Oh, I know, I get that, but no, I it's good. Get your ducks in a row, feel confident in it, and then just you know, to the wind. Like, you got this. I'm no doubt in my mind. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for talking with us and for reaching out. And like, this is so cool. I'm very excited.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, maybe I said thank you guys for having me on and letting me talk to nurse. Like maybe in a year or two, we could come on again and see how it's going and like talk six months, even whenever a year, no way, girl. Talk about how you know it it it actually is impacting people.
SPEAKER_01:I think yes, the positive, yeah, exactly. So we're here, so you just you reach out whenever it's all good. Well, thank you so much.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. Well, I really enjoyed it.
SPEAKER_01:Good. See, it wasn't that scary, right?
SPEAKER_00:No, you you were right. Once we kind of like got into it, it felt a lot better. Well, we go have a good night. Hey, you too.
SPEAKER_01:Have a great night.
SPEAKER_00:Like with the pregnancy, yay! Thank you.
unknown:Welcome.
SPEAKER_00:Bye.
SPEAKER_01:Bye bye.
SPEAKER_02:Wow, that's very interesting. That's cool. I like that. I wish I had like a gotta be busy. That's a lot, it's a lot.
SPEAKER_01:I mean, you're you're at least it's virtual though.
SPEAKER_02:Uh but still, you've got to do your parents and duel. Like you're you're almost like the I almost felt like it was, which is great because a surrogate does need somebody to stand up for her and to voice her if she's not that comfortable voicing herself or or making waves. Let's put it that way.
SPEAKER_01:Well, and like we all help we all go through hormones and stuff, and like sometimes somebody will say something and we'll take it maybe like a different way or something like that, or even the intended parents, you know, like the surrogate could have said something and the intended parents could be like, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, what? And so, no, I think it's all beneficial.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, they could have a buffer too. So, yeah, and then to help with the labor and the delivery part of it and to let everybody know what's happening and all the expectations and what's gonna happen win-win, I think, for everybody. So, more power to her. Go, Kristen, go. Okay, girl.
SPEAKER_01:Okay, well, thank you so much, Kristen. So, if anybody has any questions or stories they would like to share, please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram at stop periodsit period surrogate, or you can email us at stop periodsitperiod surrogate at gmail.com. And this has been another episode of Stops at Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Hi everyone, take care of it. Hi before we wrap up, we want to give a huge thank you to our sponsors, Northwest Surrogacy Center, New York Surrogacy Center, Paying It Forward Surrogacy and Serene Surrogacy Partners. Their continued support helps us share real stories, educate our community, and connect families through the incredible journey of surrogacy. Thanks so much for tuning in to Stops at Surrogate, where every story matters and every journey is worth sharing. We'll see you next time.
SPEAKER_02:If you enjoyed this podcast, be sure to give us a like and subscribe. Also, check out the link to our YouTube channel in the description. And be sure to also check out our children's book, My Mom Has Superpowers, sold on Amazon and Etsy.