When An Embryo Transfer Turns Into A Medical Mystery

 #surrogacy #ivf #surrogate 

Brittany’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/pavinourway?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ== 

A surrogacy journey can look “simple” from the outside, right up until it doesn’t. Brittany joins us to share what it’s like to be a gestational carrier who knows the fertility world firsthand, from years of trying to conceive to building her own family and then stepping back in to help someone else grow theirs. Her story is honest, detailed, and packed with the kind of real-life context you wish you could get before starting the surrogacy process. 

We talk through how she decided on surrogacy over egg donation, what mental health and family history can mean for eligibility, and how she weighed an agency path against an independent journey. Then things get wild: a literal website glitch leads her to the intended parents she ends up carrying for, and the match moves fast into medical clearance, psych screening, legal, and transfer prep. Brittany also explains transfer meds, travel logistics, working with a large IVF clinic, and why they were comfortable transferring untested embryos based on values and medical history. 

The biggest curveball comes after the first transfer, when her betas rise but no pregnancy can be located, leading to a diagnosis of pregnancy of unknown origin and methotrexate treatment. After the required waiting period, a second transfer sticks and results in a healthy baby, but not without heightened monitoring shaped by the parents’ prior late-term losses. We also get into weekly BPPs, a breech baby who keeps flipping, and a planned induction that turns into a C-section where Brittany’s self-advocacy (and knowing who makes decisions in the OR) changes everything. 

If you’re considering becoming a surrogate, navigating IVF and embryo transfer, or just want a true surrogacy podcast story that doesn’t skip the hard parts, this conversation will stay with you. Subscribe, share this with someone researching surrogacy, and leave a review so more families and surrogates can find these stories.

https://stopsitsurrogate.com

Transcript

Welcome And Sponsor Message

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome. We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world. And we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop Fit Surrogate. This episode is sponsored by US Surrogacy LLC. If you've ever dreamed of helping grow a family or are hoping to grow your own, US Surrogacy LLC is here to guide you every step of the way. They are a dedicated surrogacy agency committed to supporting intended parents and surrogates through a compassionate, ethical, and well-supported journey. US Surrogacy LLC works with amazing women who want to make a life-changing difference by becoming a surrogate while also helping intended parents experience the incredible gift of parenthood. Their team focuses on transparency, strong communication, and personalized support so that everyone involved feels confident, cared for, and informed throughout the entire process. If you've ever considered becoming a surrogate, or if you're an intended parent exploring your options, US Surrogacy LLC is ready to help you take that next step. To learn more about their programs and how you can get started, visit us-surrogacy.com. That's us-surrogacy.com. And now let's get into today's episode. Okay. Um you start.

SPEAKER_02 1:39

Sure. Oh, we're there. Okay. Yeah. Brittany's been here. Yes, so sorry. So sorry. Hey everybody. Welcome back to Stopsit Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. We have a wonderful guest today. We're gonna let her introduce herself. Go ahead and take it away.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Hi everyone. I'm Brittany. Um I've been on before for a couple of Friday packs, but um I am a one-time gestational carrier working on journey number two. Um and I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_03 2:06

Oh my gosh, excited to have you. Yes, always excited to talk to you. Super excited that we get to jump into like your journey's like full discussion. Like this will be Yeah, absolutely. This will be so fun. Okay, so favorite question we love to ask, how did you find out about surrogacy?

SPEAKER_01 2:23

Um, well, it's kind of like obviously I'm a millennial, so you know, I saw friends and I saw baby and you know, all that. Um, so like that was where it was like in the back of my brain. But um, my husband and I tried for five years to have our first. Um, so I was like immersed into the fertility community and like trying to conceive and all of that stuff. Um, so I saw all these families trying to either start the family or have more babies. And um, before we had him, I promised myself that no matter which way it went, as long as we had our kids and when we were done having our kids, I would give back to the fertility community in some way, whether that was egg donation or surrogacy or um, you know, just I became a doula. So, like that side of it too, and becoming like a fertility doula and stuff like that. Um, but that's really where it started. So I promised myself that when we were done with our fertility journey and we were successful with everything, that I would give back to that community in some way. So that's kind of what led me to you're giving back a lot.

SPEAKER_02 3:34

Like yeah, right. Seriously, that's yeah.

SPEAKER_03 3:39

Well, yeah, I didn't know that part. I didn't know so. You became a doula like after after your first was born.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

No, I didn't become a doula until after my third was born. Okay. But I'm talking like three months after my third was born, I was in hospitals um with moms having babies. So it's it got a little crazy there for a while.

SPEAKER_03 4:01

Yeah, for sure. That's a lot to take on, but that's super amazing. Wow, that's so cool. It's good for you to have three.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

Well, like seriously, if you have five years of infertility, that that can dash somebody's hopes, like big time.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

Oh, trust me, we had a loss the month before I actually got pregnant with my oldest. Um, and then I like to tell everyone like my body just needed a kickstart because we had my first, uh, my husband went on a deployment, and he came back and we were pregnant the next month.

SPEAKER_06 4:34

Oh, how funny.

SPEAKER_01 4:36

Um, so my middle one is our post-deployment baby, and then my youngest, we started trying and we were literally pregnant that same month. Oh my gosh, with no medications or anything with either of those two. So my body just needed a kickstart, and then once it gets pregnant, it likes to stay pregnant.

Why Egg Donation Was Not An Option

SPEAKER_03 4:56

Ah, it just needed that roadmap of like this is this is what we do. Okay, we're here. I can take over now. No, that's yeah, pretty much. Oh my gosh. So then how did you come to well, you said you were gonna possibly do egg donation. So how did you decide over egg donation? That's very different.

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Uh-huh. Yes. So one, after having babies of my own, I knew I didn't want my genes out there without knowing that. I get that, right? Yes. Um, but also I don't qualify for egg donation. Um, my mom is a my mom's a narcissistic bipolar. Um, okay, okay. So you have gene. Okay. Okay. Yep, yep, yep, yep. So I don't qualify for egg donation with that. Plus, I have generalized anxiety and things like that. So that's like disqualifies for egg donation too.

SPEAKER_02 5:49

So they go back a generation or two. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 5:53

Yeah. And they'll go back, like I guess. Yeah, for things like heart disease and things like that, they'll go back two generations, like my grandparents. Um and that's mostly like that kind of stuff is mostly for like the people who are going to adopt the eggs and take the eggs and things like that. So you you need to know that. But to qualify, yeah, any mental health within a one generation um is a disqualifier.

SPEAKER_03 6:25

I'm not that's so crazy because like after hearing that, I'm like, because I know my mom, I don't know if you talked about it, but you have brought it up in conversations, but your adopted mom. So like I don't even know because you don't even know that side.

SPEAKER_02 6:38

I would have never egg donated, but but the just seriously because of being adopted, like it just threw it out the window for me. Like I needed people to look like me, and I understood that connection. And I was like, uh, yeah, no. And I did meet the birth mom. So I do have the history, but from that, but not from your birth daddy. So I would have probably just been disqualified 100%. That's so interesting. Sorry, yeah. All right, that's that's where my head went too. I was like, what? Okay, okay, all right, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 7:07

So then how did you land on surrogacy? Um, so when I had my daughter, and and I'm a I'm I'm a weirdo, and I think we all are in this aspect that I love being pregnant. Like, I I just it's it I always feel amazing when I'm pregnant, and I always just like mentally I feel really good when I'm pregnant and all of that. So we had my third, and she was almost two, she was like a year and a half old, like 18 months old. And I told my husband, I'm like, all right, I'm gonna I'm gonna apply to be a surrogate now. And he goes, What? And then we started talking about it and things like that. But that was literally, it was a she's 18 months old. We knew we did not want any more. She's our okay, we're done, baby. Um and and and she still is, trust me. Like, she's a crazy four-year-old now, and I still say, yep, we're done. Um but yeah, we had at 18 months, we're finally like, okay, we don't feel like we want more, we feel like we're complete, we are happy with our family, and so then I'm like, all right, I'm gonna go do some research and just dove dove headfirst into it and started researching, and just I'm like, okay, yes, this is what I want to do. Um, after I started researching and like realizing exactly what it entailed, which I kind of knew because with my nursing background, I kind of understood like IDF and plus the fertility background, I understood like all of that stuff, so I knew that side of it, but I didn't know like the agency side of it or the in you know independent versus agency and like what does that mean? And so that's what I spent like six months like researching, trying to figure out do I want to go agency, do I want to go independent? If I go either way, what what am I gonna do? Um so yeah, so I just I really just said okay, let's do this, and I dove headfirst and just went for it. An agency one out over independent, kinda. Um, so my first journey was coordinated through the biggest ask. And so cool. Yeah, so they're a coordinating company, so they're not technically an agency, but they match and then coordinate the whole thing, which is which is kind of a best of both worlds for like a type A person like me. Yeah, who I want to be able to schedule my appointments and schedule my flights, hotels, and do all of that stuff myself, but still have someone to fall back on to be able to ask questions and have those hard conversations with, um and and and all of that stuff too. So we were um we were really happy with with going with the biggest ask because it kind of it saved my intended parents so much money versus um, but also gave me that I'm in control um of everything. So it kind of had a little bit of a which was really great.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

It's really nice. I do like I do like that aspect of the biggest ask is like where you can it's in between independent and agency because like they will be like, oh hey, like here's the steps, A, B, C, D, E, F, G, and like we're here if you need guidance or questions or things like that, but like you're kind of not on your own.

SPEAKER_02 10:39

What is them a long time ago? Like, like long time when they first started. Yeah. So it's all goodness. Is this something new for them where they're a more of a matching versus an education, or were they always matching? And I love I missed that.

SPEAKER_03 10:54

Well, they were so they were in a huge education, like during 2020 is when they started like their big education platform. And then you could correct me if I'm wrong, Brittany. I'm probably gonna get this wrong, but I think in like 2022, maybe they like right. Oh launched it, and then it's like kind of like really grown from there.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

But yeah, it's great, they have lots of matching.

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Yeah, I always liked them. Okay, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

Yeah, they're they're amazing. I love all ladies over there. I mean, and they're growing constantly. They just hired um, so they've got MJ and Ashley. MJ is the founder, and MJ or Ashley came on right after that. They've got Jade and they've got Bree, who is actually Ashley's sister. Um, and then they just hired their most recent hire is Tara. So yes, you know Tara, mom. We do know Tara. Yes, yes, okay. Yeah, so she is their most recent um journey coordinator. So um, yeah, but they're I mean, even just since I started, they've hired Jade, Bree, and Tara. Um so since I started my journey, that's they've grown in you know, three employees, which is kind of crazy.

A Match Sparked By A Glitch

SPEAKER_03 12:08

It's amazing, it's affordable, but we'll go back to you. So out of curiosity, because like we I we've never really talked to, we haven't talked to a surrogate who's gone through a journey with them. So, how does that work? Did you contact them? I'm assuming.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

So it's really funny. So obviously I found them on Instagram, right? And I'm following them on Instagram and you know, watching all their matching polls and things like that, but on their website, and I don't know if you can still do it, I think you can. You can sign up for like newsletter notifications, and basically every time that they post a new match of an attended parent, you get an email. And so I signed up for that, and just because you know, when when you're reading it, you can kind of find it and you can decide, yes, I like this, no, I don't. Email, not email, whatever. Um, one morning, and I actually wrote it down, so I got the email on September 12th of 2023. And I'm an early riser, so I got up at like five o'clock in the morning, right? This email came through, I read through it, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I love these parents. So I literally emailed MJ at five o'clock in the morning. I I applied to the email, and no joke, when I went to look at it to show my husband, it was gone. Like the post was gone. Oh, and so what happened basically is there was a technical glitch on their website. Their profile was not supposed to go live for another week. Oh, and I mean like one of the only people who saw it. Meant to be, it was so meant to be that we punched. That's so fun. Yeah, I literally got an email back from MJ that day. She's like, Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. This was not supposed to go live. Like there were pictures that the intended parents didn't necessarily want on their matching post, and um, and like there was some information that was wrong on it, so that's why it wasn't supposed to go up. It just wasn't it wasn't polished yet.

SPEAKER_06 14:12

Oh, you darn.

SPEAKER_01 14:12

Yep, exactly. And so it just it was so meant to be that it kind of came through. So that's how I got started with them was I got the email, I emailed MJ, and then um we we started talking, and she's like, okay. So then I had a meeting with her two days later. Oh wow, just kind of talking about me and um them a little bit more than like what their matching posts showed, making sure that I was a qualified candidate um with MJ before she even sent it off to the intended parents.

SPEAKER_00 14:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:45

Um, and then once her and I talked, she sent it off to the intended parents and they're like, Yeah, let's let's have a conversation.

SPEAKER_02 14:51

And um we had our had you gone through any clearance, any medical evals, anything before? No, okay.

SPEAKER_01 15:01

No, um I knew I was qualified though, um, because I've had salien sonograms and HSGs and all that kind of stuff. Granted, that was a long, long time ago. Yes um, but with all my medical records and things like that, like we knew that I was qualified. Okay, okay, yeah, and and MJ and I talked about my like pregnancy history and yeah, um, mental health history and kind of all that, just like verbally. So she she knows too. Um and that's kind of how I got like clearance with her and things like that. Um and then we talked, I talked to the intended parents the following week. Um, and we matched, like we talked on a Friday and we were matched by Monday. Um I think we were actually both said yes within like a couple of hours. Um, I don't have the text messages with MJ anymore, so I don't remember when I said yes, but it was pretty quickly after talking to them. Um there was just so much in common between us, and like their story just really resonated with me. So I was like, yep. I I kind of knew before I even talked to them that they were who I wanted to go with, but after talking to them, like yes, I knew you are who who I wanna carry for. And was it uh uh intended parents? What were um a mom and a dad? Um and they have one living child, um, and they did have two late-term losses, um, which is why it wasn't safe for her to carry anymore. So um yeah, and so I think that really resonated with me too. That they had they had a little one who you know is about the same age as my middle one, and like so like I could see that and things like that, and I could see the want of adding to their family, which was really, really important. Like be able to see for me to be able to see that the want there, because I know everyone wants a baby, right? Like that goes through surgery, they all want a baby, but some of them don't know how to express that um necessarily. And for me, it was just really important to have that piece as well, like the emotional piece, because for me it just felt more like later down the line we'd also still be able to have that emotional piece there.

SPEAKER_03 17:16

Yeah, it's something that was always it would it would always be there, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 17:21

So you meet, let's just say you match within two weeks of getting this post, yeah. Is that safe to say? Yep. Okay, that's so quick, right? And so how quickly does the process go from there, given that this is a little bit of a different situation, right? Because it's more of a coordination with the biggest desk and not somebody you're doing a lot of it, right?

Medical Psych And Legal Timeline

SPEAKER_01 17:44

Yep. So I had my match call with the I wrote it all down because I went through my calendar and my emails. I love it. And um so we had our match call on September 22nd of 2023. Okay. I had my first call with their clinic on October 9th of 2023. Wow, it's like two weeks. And they had already they had already gone through all my medical records at that point. I sent my medical records on the 29th of September, I think it was. Oh my god. Oh, 10 days or what it was fast, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:18

Um that's crazy.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

And then I had so I had to go through everything for medical clearance. I'm talking saline sono HSG and a mock cycle. So I had to do everything.

SPEAKER_03 18:33

Really? Because the clinic wanted it or because the parents kind of requested it. No, but the clinic requires it.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

Okay. So I started, so I did my site clearance. We were cleared for psych by November 30th. And then we started legal in December, and I did my mock cycle in December as well.

unknown 19:01

What?

SPEAKER_01 19:01

So we were medically cleared by the end of December, and then we finished yeah, we finished legal uh February 2nd.

unknown 19:09

Oh gosh.

SPEAKER_01 19:11

And my transfer was scheduled for March 7th.

unknown 19:16

What?

SPEAKER_01 19:17

That's just giving goosebumps. Like that's insane. No, okay, so funny story. I was at a funeral, and I get a call from my lawyer saying everything's good, or no, from the clinic saying everything's good. We just got to get payment from the intended parents to schedule the gosh. So I texted my intended mom and she's like, I'm on it. No joke. Two less than two hours later, the clinic calls me back. Or no, my intended mom was texting me. How do you feel about this day for a transfer? I'm like, sounds good. And we were scheduled.

SPEAKER_03 19:51

Oh my gosh, wow. That's it frozen quick.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

Was frozen, yes, it was frozen.

SPEAKER_03 19:57

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 19:57

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 19:59

Yeah, okay. Well, Britney, I have a quick question. So I caught something that you said. So you started legal in December, but legal didn't end till February, right?

SPEAKER_05 20:09

February, second.

SPEAKER_03 20:09

February, correct? Yep. But you did your mock cycle while legal was still going on? Yes. Yes. That is very maybe it's just me, but that seems very different. No? Uh-huh. I I did a mock cycle, but they wouldn't let me until legal was done. Right.

unknown 20:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_01 20:27

Legal me, they wanted it done before legal. Huh.

SPEAKER_03 20:31

Okay. Can I ask? You don't you don't have to answer? Did you like for my mock cycle, I got compensated for it. But because your legal wasn't done, did that not happen?

SPEAKER_01 20:44

Okay. I wasn't compensated for it. And I was okay with that because I only took S-trace. That's that was my mock cycle. I did S-trace and then a mid-cycle lining check. They just wanted to make sure that my lining would thicken. Okay. Got it. There was no injectable. Yeah. So yeah, it is okay.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

That's fast. Lovely. Okay. Yeah. Okay. So that's okay. Okay with it.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

I knew that if I was gonna do any kind of injectable, I would have wanted some sort of something. Yeah. Um, but no, all I did was S-trace for two weeks. So that's not super invasive. Yeah. No, no.

SPEAKER_02 21:18

Am I jumping? Like, what's your protocol for the transfer then? What what what are we looking at? Hold on. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:25

I've got this written down too. Um, so I was on loop run for the first um 10 days. Well, I was on lopron for however long they have me on. Um and then I was also on estrogen three times a day, just two milligrams orally. Okay. Um a total of six milligrams a day, which was like it's pretty standard. Love it. Okay. Yeah. Um, and then the all I had outside of that was my PIO um six days before transfer.

unknown 21:59

So

SPEAKER_01 22:02

Yeah, it was it was amazing. I did not have much of anything for for transfer prep or anything. Yeah, it was awesome. Great. I was worried that I'd have to do so much stuff. Yeah. And then then they come with the oh yeah, gonna do lupron. Obviously, I was on birth control before that. Um and then estrogen three times a day and progesterone. Like that's so crazy. Sounds amazing to me. Yeah, absolutely amazing. I sign me up. Sign me up too.

SPEAKER_03 22:31

That's yeah, okay. Yeah. So did you have to do a trigger shot? No. No. That's newer. I'm starting to like within the past couple of years. That seems to be.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

Trigger shots are yeah, trigger shots are more for either fresh or for a modified um natural cycle.

SPEAKER_03 22:53

Um, how funny. They gave me a trigger shot. But it was really yeah, but the way they did it, it was already after transfer. I think they forgot because then they like came in and they're like, Oh, we're gonna stab you with this. And I was like, What's that? They're like, it's a trigger shot. And I was like, What's a trigger shot? And then I asked a couple people and they're like, You're supposed to have that days before. And I was like, hmm, okay, interesting. So what whatever. But yeah, so um, but I've heard of the post trigger shot.

Transfer Travel And Clinic Experience

SPEAKER_02 23:22

What's what's protocol for post-tra? Well, let's see. Do you do the transfer? Do you have to fly there? Do you have to go to DC?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Yeah, where?

SPEAKER_02 23:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

So they live they live just outside of DC. So it was just I flew into DC and then we just stayed. We stayed literally like two miles away from the clinic. Okay. Which was great. Yeah. And we were in this little area where we could walk to pretty much everything, which in rural Minnesota you cannot do. So it was really nice to be there. And in March, it's it's way nicer there than it is here. Yeah. In March. So like we were walking around our jackets on all over the place. Um, yeah, and then day of we went in. All four of us were in the transfer room.

SPEAKER_06 24:05

Nice. Oh cool.

SPEAKER_01 24:07

That is cool. Yeah. Well, the the clinic was absolutely amazing, honestly. People will will dog it because they don't like it. It's a bigger clinic. Um, so we went with their embryos are at Shady Grove. Um, so it's a big clinic. And people don't love it because they're such a big clinic and they have very specific things that they do. But honestly, I had an amazing time at their specific Shady Grove clinic. Everything was quick. Yeah. They were very accommodating for all four of us to be in the room because super nice. Uh uh it's their baby, obviously, and I needed a support person. Yes, yeah. We were all, no joke, we were all like those are small rooms. It's an exam room. So it was we were all crowded around, you know, we had a blast, we were laughing and um all of that, and we got to they got to see the embryo being implanted on the TV and all of that. Um, yeah, so it was really amazing being able to go in all together. Did you have to stay?

SPEAKER_02 25:07

Oh, sorry. Go ahead, Alan. Do you have to stay like overnight? I do you go home?

SPEAKER_01 25:14

Well, I did I did stay overnight, but we got up at like five o'clock the next morning to fly home. Oh, okay, not a lot of bed rest. Okay. I had no bed rest. There was no bed rest required for me. They actually encouraged me to move around. All right, go take a walk, see you later. Um, and so we did. We went out to dinner with the intended parents, and I don't remember that trip we were with. I saw their little one, but I don't remember if he came to dinner with us. But, anyways, we were we spent the afternoon with them and went to dinner um and then we left the next morning, which was really nice because three kids at home with mother-in-law. Right, it can be a lot for CIVAs. For sure, and we we flew out the day before transfer, so it was like transfer was on a Wednesday. No, transfer was on a Wednesday, we flew out Tuesday, we're there Tuesday night, Wednesday night, went home Thursday morning.

SPEAKER_03 26:10

Oh, perfect, so super quick turnaround, super quick, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:14

Super nice. Did they know if it was gonna be boy or girl? No, they did not. Their embryos were actually untested completely. Whoa, really? You were okay with that, Brittany?

SPEAKER_02 26:26

You're okay?

SPEAKER_01 26:27

Yes, yes, I was, and because of everyone's religious stance and everyone's stance on termination, um, I was okay with the untested embryos. Also, I did talk to their doctor about the fact that they're untested. And according to him, more and more they're like healthy families, they are saying, don't worry about testing them because it's likely nothing's gonna happen. Um, and because with them, it wasn't a fertility issue of getting pregnant, right? It was at the end a complication occurred twice. Um and that's what caused the losses. Like it was no abnormality with the child or anything like that. Um it was a medical complication that happened, and so the doctor's like, why spend the extra money? You're healthy, you're under 40, you know, that kind of stuff. So um, so yeah, I was totally okay with the untested embryos, and that's totally up to everyone. But like for me, sure, that's definitely because of the situation. No, for sure, for sure, yeah.

Pregnancy Of Unknown Origin Explained

SPEAKER_03 27:42

Okay, great. So then how does like first trimester or well no lower skip one? When do you find did it take?

SPEAKER_01 27:48

Yeah, so another funny story. Okay, it did it did take, okay, but it ended up being a pregnancy of unknown origin. Um what does that mean? Didn't y'all watch it on the TV? Hold on a second. Yeah, so so they couldn't call it ectopic because they couldn't ever find the pregnancy. Oh no way, yeah. So my numbers, so my first beta was 67 at 10 days post, so you know, decent.

unknown 28:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:25

Um, and then my second beta two days later was 91, which was only a 38% increase.

unknown 28:31

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

And then my third beta two days after that was it had gone down from 91 to like 88. Okay. And then they're like, all right, let's keep testing, see if it, you know, maybe it was a twin that was a vanishing twin or something like that. Um, so then my next beta, I don't remember when it was, but it had jumped up to like 219. Oh, I was like, all right, great. But I think it was like a week later, so it really wasn't that big of a jump. Okay. And then like my numbers kept, I had one more beta after that and it had risen again, but only by like 40.

unknown 29:10

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:11

And then they're like, all right, time to do a methotrexate injection. We had done ultrasounds, there was no viable pregnancy, we couldn't, nothing. So, like, all right, we gotta do methotrexate, which is basically an injection that you get to terminate a pregnancy. Um yeah, methotrexate kills or stops the production of any new cells. Um, it's used in cancer treatments as well, so it's completely halts the production of new cells, and it's what they give for specifically ectopic or pregnancies of unknown origin.

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 29:48

Because they can be so dangerous, but my numbers kept rising.

SPEAKER_03 29:52

No way.

SPEAKER_01 29:54

After the injection, how injection.

SPEAKER_03 29:57

You and I'm just gonna throw this out there. You stopped medications. Yep.

SPEAKER_01 30:01

Yep. Yep, I had stopped medications after like the fourth or fifth beta, and my numbers kept rising. So then I got my methotrexate injection, they kept rising, I got a second methotrexate injection, and they finally started dropping. Whoa! And then it took six weeks from the second methotrexate injection for my numbers to hit zero.

SPEAKER_03 30:22

No way.

SPEAKER_00 30:24

Little engine that wanted nuts, but uh-huh. Right?

SPEAKER_03 30:29

But they could never find where it like landed home.

SPEAKER_01 30:34

Nope. Nope. So that's why they called it a pregnancy of unordered. No DNC, no nothing for you. Nope, nothing like that. Just the methotrexate injections, and then we had to wait because after you have a methotrexate injection, you can't do another transfer for up to six months. Wow. Yeah, because it stays in your system and it can keep it would potentially just cause a transfer to completely fail.

SPEAKER_02 31:02

Yeah, and it's so nothing would happen. So can you test to find out if it's still in your system or you can't?

SPEAKER_01 31:10

The methotrexate, no, there's no test. You just wait it out. And their clinic said four months is what they ended up saying. Four months from the time my numbers hit zero. Okay, that's really wow.

SPEAKER_02 31:23

So that's no, it's August.

SPEAKER_03 31:25

Yeah, that's no no no no no, I know, but like your numbers hit zero in May or no? When did your numbers hit zero?

SPEAKER_00 31:32

Yeah, like the beginning of May. Okay. So it's it's three.

SPEAKER_03 31:36

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

August, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 31:39

What a weird little story. Like that's a weird story. That is, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:43

And it's super uncommon for that to happen.

SPEAKER_02 31:46

And then you know how is how are your like mentally you?

SPEAKER_01 31:51

Are you good? Are you like, oh crap? Yeah. I was pretty like, I wasn't necessarily devastated, but I'm like, seriously, and by the time, like, by the time I got the first meth first methotrexate injection, I'm like, seriously, my body can't just resolve this. Like my body really wants to be pregnant, like wants to hold on to this pregnancy hardcore. And then when I go in and my numbers had gone up again, and I'm like, you have got to be kidding me. I already had a methotrexate injection. I was I was more frustrated and just irritated than anything because I'm like, yes, obviously, it's it's the pregnancy wasn't viable. That's a sad piece. I've been through that before for myself, so like I understand how that feels for the intended appearance. Oh, I forgot. We went through the SEAM scandal too. Oh you were a part of SEAM? Were you really?

SPEAKER_03 32:46

No, wait, were they like super affected?

SPEAKER_01 32:49

Oh god, oh god, they're in it was fully funded.

SPEAKER_03 32:55

No, oh man. Yep, so oh my god, it's it's one hit after another.

SPEAKER_01 33:04

Yeah, yep, and that's how we were that's how I was feeling. And I thought after that lot, like after that first transfer failed, I thought they might because it happened all at the same time. Yeah, the scandal happened like right then, yep. And we're trying to resolve this pregnancy. So I'm I'm sitting there like they're gonna, they're just we're gonna just be done. We're gonna dissolve the match, yeah. And thank goodness they are amazing. They they had friends start a GoFundMe for them, and they got about a quarter of it back, and like all of that stuff. But it was, I was like sitting there. I think that was the biggest part for me was like, I'm afraid that they're gonna just dissolve this match, yeah. Because the trans investor, yeah, I was invested, and then the seams get I'm like, you have got to be kidding me with this, right?

SPEAKER_02 33:56

Because you could have turned it around too, and you probably all did. You probably said, you know what? Yeah, we're getting all this stuff hit at us. We're no way, we're having a baby, we're having one, and we're doing it, yeah. Yeah, seems like that's what definitely big middle finger to them to like seam and all that, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:13

Yeah, so that was just it was just one thing after another, like in this small amount of time. So, like mentally overall, I was okay. I was more frustrated, and then the seam thing happened, and I'm like, God, then I'm like worried that they're gonna dissolve the match. Thankfully, we figured stuff out um, you know, that way and and money-wise and everything like that. And so we moved on, and finally August came. Well, July came and we got our new transfer date. Started meds. When did I start meds for that one? I started meds July 29th. Okay. Um, and we had transfer August 21st.

SPEAKER_02 34:48

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Um, and then that one took, and that's the baby that I had this past April.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

So my guy! And this oh wait, so you had transfer in 24.

unknown 35:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:04

So this little one's coming up on a year.

SPEAKER_01 35:07

She is. She's almost a year old. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, and we didn't we didn't know uncause they didn't have their embryos tested. So we actually found out uh via the blood test at 10 weeks. Okay. Yeah. So they were really excited. Yeah. And they have a boy already? Yeah. Yeah. So they have one of each now. That's perfect. Oh, how fun.

SPEAKER_03 35:33

So was your med protocol the same? Did they add anything extra to like help wash out any? They didn't change one thing.

Second Transfer Success And Monitoring

SPEAKER_01 35:40

I didn't change one thing. Okay. They kept it exactly the same. Um, I actually think did I start aspirin? I don't remember. I know I took the baby aspirin for a while. I just don't remember when I took it, if it was before transfer, or I think my OB put me on it. Okay. Because at like 13 weeks, she put me on it, is I'm pretty sure what happened. Because with their complications that they had, um it was a placenta issue. So the placenta is made out of their DNA, right? Yes, it is. So my my OB wanted to out of abundance of caution put me on the aspirin just to try and mitigate anything that could happen. Yep. Um, yeah, I was on that until I am so sad that I am not close enough to have her be still be my OB anymore. I mean, I am, but it's a 45-minute drive, and the hospital that she delivers at is an hour and a half.

SPEAKER_03 36:46

So you would need an induction and pray that everything goes well.

SPEAKER_01 36:50

Right, pretty much. Um, or a scheduled C-section. So yeah, so we did start aspirin into the pregnancy, like I said, just to mitigate anything placental that could potentially happen.

SPEAKER_00 37:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 37:04

Um, but outside of that, everything was normal and easy for like the whole pregnancy. Oh good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:14

Were they just holding their breath the entire time or were they able to enjoy it?

SPEAKER_01 37:18

They were no, they were holding their breath because their losses were very late term. I'm talking 34 and 36 weeks.

SPEAKER_03 37:25

Oh my god, I'm over here. I was gonna ask, but I didn't know if that was gonna be too much. I'm over here thinking like, okay, 16, 20 weeks, which is still freaking awful and happens not once, but twice.

SPEAKER_02 37:40

Oh man, oh man. Yes, and so they held their breath the whole time until she was here.

SPEAKER_01 37:48

Yep, yep. Um which which is so so understandable that they held their breath the whole time and so you know, they were able to yeah, they were able to come for the 20-week ultrasound. All three of them came and and stayed and got to come to the ultrasound, and like all of us were like my husband stayed home with the kids because you know I've done this a million times, ultrasound. Yeah, but um, you know, the four of us went and we all went in the room, even their little one went in with us and got to watch the ultrasound. Um and she was showing off, flipping all over the place, and that continued through the end of the pregnancy, flipping all over the place. Um yeah, so they were here for a couple days in the snow. So we had our 20-week ultrasound in December of 2024 in Minnesota. Oh, it's and it snows there, sorry. Oh yeah, oh yeah, and they get they get some snow in Virginia, but not this kind of snow. Wow, I bet the little boy loved it. Oh yeah, he had a blast, yeah, and they got to come to my oldest hockey game, one of my oldest hockey games, and like be at the rink with us, and they played video games, my kids, and and their oldest, and all that kind of stuff. So we had an absolute blast while they were here. Oh and then we didn't see him again until they were here for her to be born.

SPEAKER_02 39:13

So did they did they come early for that, or was it just a real quick hop on a plane?

SPEAKER_01 39:18

No, so it was kind of just a real quick quick hop on a plane, but like I said, she was showing off and flipping at the 29th ultrasound and it continued. I'm talking, I was having weekly BPPs, and every week she was in a different position. Oh wow, she would go from head up in my ribs to completely transverse to head down in my left hip to he had that much room. Oh my gosh, she had so much room. And so at my 38-week appointment, I had one slightly elevated blood pressure, and I think it was partially because I literally went from the BPP, then straight to my OB appointment. Yeah, and it had been a crazy morning with my kids, yeah, and I hadn't been able to eat anything yet. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 40:08

I have a question. What's a BPP?

SPEAKER_01 40:11

A BPP is a biophysical profile, it's where they go in and they do an ultrasound and they have to see a certain number of movements, a certain number of practice breaths, and a certain heart rate of the baby. That's different from an NS an NST.

SPEAKER_03 40:25

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 40:26

Yes, an NST they just strap on the strap on the heart rate monitor and the movement. Yep. Um, and you just lay there for half hour, 20 minutes, whatever that is. But a BPP can be as long as an hour. So why a BPP and not an NST for you? I if I failed the BPP, then I went to an NST.

SPEAKER_03 40:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 40:45

Oh, so a BPP is like first step for my doctor, because of their prior, like the intended parents' prior issues, okay, we wanted to do BPPs. Um because we could see the movement and everything like that. Whereas like an NST, you can't see anything. Right. Right. You just see and you just focus on the heart rate and movement. Right. She was a little stinker. If I went in at two o'clock in the afternoon, she wouldn't move enough that they have to come in and get the vibrator thing and put it on my belly and vibrator. Oh my god. So I never ended up having to go to L and D to like sit there for an hour and a half or two hours or whatever. But um Wow. Yeah, so that was that was fun. Every week go in for and usually it lasted a full hour because she wouldn't it babies. Babies are on their own schedule. Yes, they're on their own schedule and they'll do it as they want. So that's yeah, that was fun.

Induction Plans Shift To C-Section

SPEAKER_02 41:44

But when you have the elevated blood pressure at 38, what do they decide? They're like, oh no.

SPEAKER_01 41:50

So the parents are like, all right, we're coming tomorrow. Because my OB is like, if you have another elevated one tomorrow, we're just gonna induce. Um better safety. I had no, yeah, I had no protein in my urine, I had nothing. It was not anything close to preclampsia. I just had an elevated blood pressure. I continued to take my blood pressure throughout that day and into the evening. I took it that next morning. They arrived that next morning, which was Friday, and so the 25th of uh April. And my doctor's like, all right, your blood pressure is fine, but she's head down. So what do you think about scheduling the induction for later tonight? Oh, because she was head down, and we're like, we talked about it, and I'm like, honestly, I would rather just go in for an induction because I don't want to have a C-section if I don't have one. 100%. Yes, and they're here. They were here, yeah. So we were just like, let's just do it. And they were planning on staying until she was born and everything, and they were planning, so they came on, they ended up getting here like late Friday, Thursday night, right? They were literally planning to be here that Sunday. Oh, so only a couple days early. They were coming, okay. Okay, um, so nothing, nothing super crazy. Um, so then we waited all day, we hung out all most of the day, and um, they found an Airbnb down by the hospital and things like that. Actually, no, they never ended up getting an Airbnb. Oh now that I think about it, they were gonna look for one, um, but they just stayed with us like throughout the day and we hung out and like I went home and packed my bag and everything like that. So it was 38 weeks. I carry my babies to 40, 41 weeks, and I've been induced with all of my own babies, so like an induction wasn't scary for me. Okay. Um at 38 weeks, it was a little scary because my bishop score was very low. Um and so I didn't necessarily want to go into an induction, but she was head down, yeah. And I would rather go into an induction with a low bishop score. What's a bishop score? A bishop score measures your cervical ripeness. So Defacement. Okay. The dilation, where baby is for station. Um and there's one more. I can't remember what it is. Oh, like the feel of your cervix. So, like, is it what did a bishop score? Your doctor? My OB. Yeah. So she did she did a check to see where I was at to see if we need cervical ripener. Um, and I I did. I was only one centimeter dilated. And after having three kids at once, because she was so flip-floppy, she didn't put any pressure on my cervix. So my cervix was still close to closed. Wow. So I needed the cervical ripener. Um, so we ended up going in that night, Friday night. They got their own room.

unknown 44:41

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 44:42

Right off the bat. They were upstairs in the postpartum by themselves. So we started a cervical ripener Friday night. Um, and then she was so flip-floppy that they were constantly coming in to check and move the heart rate monitor and stuff like that. And we tried to put on one of the wireless monitors. It's called a mall, I think it's a is it a Molly is the name of it. I don't remember. But it's the one where they have the battery and they stick it on and like they have to scrape your belly with the like sandpaper basically to get it to stick. My belly was raw for weeks after that. Ouch! Um yeah. Well, they ended up not ever being able to get it on. Well, that's because the next morning she wasn't head down anymore. No, no, no, no. So they didn't ultrasound at noon, she was not head down. They didn't ultrasound at three, she was not head down. If they didn't ultrasound at six, she was not head down. And at six p.m. we I finally said fine, let's just do this C-section. Because they wouldn't send me home.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Did you have C section of yours? No, this the the now now this gets scary because it's your first one. Yeah, okay. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Yeah, but oh my gosh, the nurses at the hospital were absolutely amazing. Yeah, they so because I my husband and I spent the you know six hours from do like six trying to flip her, right? Um parents were upstairs in their room and were letting us kind of be, and I'm trying to, you know, I'm a doula, I know all the things to try, right? And the nurses are coming in, seeing me, and inversions, and like we're gonna leave you alone, you know what you're doing. Oh yeah, buddy. And so I was literally doing everything I could to get her to flip, and she just wouldn't. Um I I wanted to do an uh ECB, which is the flip, right? The flip, yes, it's the flip. Um aren't those painful? I've had one before and it's not painful for me. Okay, okay. I had it with my third. She was she was head down the day before, and my my third was head down, went in for my induction, then she was completely breach, and then we flipped her and I had her rationally. Um so an ECV is yeah, apparently the girls I carry are very stubborn. Um but the parents didn't want to do an ECV because of their placental issues. Got it. That's understandable, which is totally understandable. I was very emotional because you know, I'm 38 weeks pregnant and very much set on I want to have this baby vaginally because I have never had a C-section before. I have three kids at home that I need to take care of. Um, so the nurses, I walked back to the OR. Like I literally got out of the bed and walked to the OR with the nurses, and you know, they're all loving on me and talking to me and everything like that, um, which was absolutely amazing. And I did, I talked to the anesthesiologist because they're the ones who make the call of how many people could be in the OR. And I told them, I said, if I'm doing the C-section, I want the anesthesiologist in here so I can talk to him about what's happening here because I need an advocate, okay, and this baby needs an advocate. I cannot be her advocate because I am her parent. So my support person needs to be there, and her mom or dad needs to be there. Nice. And he said, All right, see you later, and walked out. That was literally the conversation I had with him. Okay, so he allowed it.

unknown 48:12

Yep. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 48:13

He's like, All right, sounds good to me, and walked away. Like that was that was the just fix. So I also, because I'm a doula and I've been to that hospital enough times, I know their policies and I know who to talk to, so I know who to ask for. Okay. Um, good. But if you ever are wondering, OR decisions are either the surgeon who is doing it or the anesthesiologist. Oh, because that was good to know. I didn't know the anesthesiologist had so much weight. Yep, because they they're in charge pretty much.

SPEAKER_02 48:43

Yeah, apparently. That's yeah, that's right.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

I have a question. Is the surgeon not the OB?

SPEAKER_01 48:49

No, it is.

SPEAKER_03 48:50

Oh, okay. I was like, this is information.

SPEAKER_01 48:52

Okay. My OB was not on call, so she wasn't the one who delivered her. Okay. It was a different OB who was on call at the hospital. Okay, okay, okay. But we got to have everyone in there. And another reason I didn't really want a C-section is because I have I have blood pressure issues when I get an epidural. My blood pressure tanks.

SPEAKER_03 49:12

Also a spinal tap.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

Yeah, the spinal tap, they or when they did the um what's it called? When they did it for me in the C-section, I can't fight my brain. It's far too late for my brain to think. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the spinal block. There you go. Uh, when they did it, I told the nurse anesthetist, I said, you need to watch my blood pressure. Because when I had my daughter and I had the epidural, I had to get an adrenaline shot. Oh because my blood pressure and my heart rate dropped so low. Wow. And so he did, she did amazing. The nurse anesthetist was absolutely amazing. She was proactive, gave me that adrenaline before they even did the spinal block. Like as they were doing it, she was giving me this stuff, and she's telling me, All right, tell me if you're nauseous, tell me if you're feeling dizzy, all this stuff so that she could just give it before I even so she was amazing. The surgeon, the OB, was absolutely amazing. She talked us through absolutely everything. Um, I had talked to her prior to going to the OR, and I told her exactly what kind of stitches I wanted, what kind of or staples that I wanted. I told her what kind of dressing I wanted on the C-section incision. Like I told her everything. Um and something really cool that the hospital did. Um, so my husband was there, mom was there, um, but dad was actually in the recess room, which is the room between the ORs. It's where they bring baby to resuscitate if something happens. Um, so he was actually able to watch from the other side. Yes. What's awesome? Cool. So even though he wasn't in the OR in the sterile area, he was still able to watch her be born. That's so cool. Yeah, it was absolutely amazing.

SPEAKER_02 50:55

Can I ask, where is their little boy during all of this?

Recovery Tips After A C-Section

SPEAKER_01 50:58

At home with his grandparents. Oh, okay. His grandparents came. Oh, okay. He didn't fly out. No, he didn't. Oh, okay. Oh, he stayed home home. Yeah, he stayed home home. Oh, okay. He was like in Virginia, back home with his grandparents. Okay. And so Perfect. Probably for the business. Because he had it was his last couple weeks of school, and they didn't want him to miss that much school and things like that. Um but yeah, so that was that was absolutely amazing. And then, you know, the the doctor is talking to me while she's stitching me up. She's like, You want to see them? I'm like, Yes, love it. Show them to me. So she, you know, kept a couple out of the gun and was like, showing they're like this, this is what they look like. Um, and so that was really fun. And then I went back to my room. How do you feel after you go back to your room? How do you you just physically I felt pretty okay? Um mentally, I was like, seriously, had to have a c-section. Yeah. But I feel like because I had all those hours leading up to having the C-section of this is probably where we're gonna end up. I was able to kind of process before the surgery, which was really nice for me. Yeah. Um, rather than like going into an emergent or emergency C-section. Right. Right. It was uh, you know, it was urgent, but it wasn't like my water hadn't broke, nothing like that. So it wasn't we were we were on a timeline because I started the oral cervical ripener. That's the only reason we were on a timeline. I see. Um, and so like by the time I got to my room, like it was eight o'clock at night. We had her at like, I think she was it was eight something at night. So I got back to my room at like 8 30, 9 o'clock. I'm like, I need food. We door dash some subway. Right. My husband stayed the night that night. Um and I slept. And I I had told the nurses beforehand that I wanted the gas X, I wanted like I'm like, get me everything now because I know it's gonna, I'm gonna need it later. Yeah. Um, and so the nurses were amazing that way too. So, and then I was in the hospital for 36 hours and then I went home. Good for you.

SPEAKER_03 53:10

Yeah, that's not a long time after.

SPEAKER_02 53:12

And how are how are you at home? Like, it's different, it's different with your tummy being, you know, it's very different.

SPEAKER_01 53:19

Yeah, it's very different, especially with the three kids and three dogs, and you know, my husband thankfully has an amazing position at his job that he works from home, one, and two, he got he got medical leave. Um, so he took a couple weeks off of work um while I wasn't moving super well. Right. Um, but we have an adjustable bed, which was a godsend because I didn't have to try and lay down and I didn't have to try and sleep in a recliner. Yes. Um but I was literally messaging and texting all the people I knew that had had C-section, and I'm like, all right, give me your best piece of advice. What do I need to order that can be whole, like at my house by the time I'm there? Um, so and I got a belly band at the hospital, and I ended up buying a different one that just fit a little bit better. The mom Frida one is absolutely amazing. Yeah. Um so I did all of that, and but outside of that, like physically being at home was a little difficult because we have a we had a lot of stairs at that house. And so once I got upstairs, I was just stuck there until I could physically feel well enough to go down the stairs. Yeah, um, but we had enough space that I could get up every hour and like take a lap. Um and so I did. I got up like every hour, went to the bathroom, took a lap. Excellent, and all that.

SPEAKER_02 54:45

It's important to be moving, it's important to get your body Yeah, it's a lot, it's major, major abdominal surgery. People don't realize that it is yeah, and it takes a lot. So fast forward to about six, eight weeks postpartum. Are you feeling like, yeah, I'm back to me, or are you still kind of for the most part?

SPEAKER_01 55:06

I was. Um, I started pelvic floor PT at four weeks postum. Oh, you go, girl. No, I lied. It was six weeks because they wouldn't see me until I was cleared by my OB. Oh but I was literally at my OB one day that week, and then I was at the pelvic floor PT shortly after that. Because I asked at my because my OB does a two-week um C-section follow-up. And so at that appointment, I said, can I get a referral? So because I know how far out they're scheduled. Right. Um so I was scheduled for six weeks pretty much.

SPEAKER_02 55:39

Right, and I think I was in public part of this you you know what you knew what to do, you knew what to ask, you know, you're part of the community already, you knew. And I'm actually in the survey community, I'm saying you're doing your yeah, you're in these hospitals, you see all this stuff. Yeah. So all that education to these these gals who are, you know, yeah, super helpful that they can maybe get on it. And maybe, and I know you're type, you're a type A, right? Yeah, you have to be okay, yeah. You have to be. It's not a bad thing. It's not a bad thing. It's a good thing. I I just and I really think because I'm a type A.

SPEAKER_03 56:17

No.

Planning Journey Two And VBAC Goals

SPEAKER_02 56:19

Um, but not not many, not everybody is. And so some people just want to lay in that bed after a C section. They're like, I'm not getting up, I'm not doing a damn thing. But it behooves you to get up and start moving. It really does. So yeah, another podcast. Definitely. All right. So how soon after you do, after you deliver, are you like, yep, doing this again? Before I had her. Oh crap.

SPEAKER_03 56:44

Oh my gosh, really. Even with section didn't ever change your mind. Look at you. Yeah. C section didn't. Anyway, okay. Wow. Will you have to will you try for a V back or will you will you do a scheduled C?

SPEAKER_01 57:00

I want to try for a V back. It's a matter of I'm very rural in Minnesota now. And the closest hospital is 20 minutes away. Um, and they don't do V backs. They send you to a bigger hospital to do a V back. So I would either have to go to the further hospital away, which is only about another 10 minutes away, um, or just do a scheduled C, um, which I really don't want to do. Yeah. But we'll see how kind of everything goes over the next couple months.

SPEAKER_02 57:32

Is your couple on board? Are you matched? I should ask that. I am okay. You go back. I am matched.

SPEAKER_01 57:38

Um they're on board with a V back if everything goes well. Yes, they're very on board. That was one of my matching points. I was not gonna match with a family that wouldn't be okay with uh a VBAC. So that was one of the first things I said when we matched. Love it. Are you back with the biggest ask? Um, no, we're going independent this time.

SPEAKER_03 57:56

Look at you. Well, you've been through it, so and you kind of had it was kind of like a baby step to independent. And so now look at that. How did you meet on social media?

SPEAKER_01 58:07

Yes. Um, so I've obviously I was researching for so long before my first journey. Um, and I met a set of intendant parents here in Minnesota who didn't have their eggs or embryos or anything yet. They had to do do an egg donation from her sister, and like I've been talking to her and stuff like that, because obviously she's local. She um they just had their first their surrogacy a couple month, two months ago, and their second surrogate is pregnant right now with their little boy, so they're gonna have one of each. But her, um, she's like, I was talking to her, she's like, so I have a friend who is just like they're doing their last IVF cycle, they might they're probably gonna be pursuing surrogacy if this doesn't take, blah blah blah. I actually started talking to this couple before I had baby, like while I was pregnant. Whoa, yes, and we've just been continually talking. Um, and they are actually 20 minutes for me. No way. My god, how beautiful is that? Because that was one of my other matching points this time, is I wanted a local couple. Okay. Um, just to have that, I want them more involved, not just via Zoom or FaceTime or whatever. I want to be able to see see them throughout the pregnancy and have them a little bit more involved.

SPEAKER_02 59:29

So super wonderful. Where are you then in the second one? Can you share?

SPEAKER_01 59:34

Like um, I go see a new OB on Friday. Okay, so beginning.

unknown 59:40

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 59:42

Okay. Yep, we're mashed, and I've already talked to their clinic, and I have all the orders that I need to do medical clearance. That's awesome. So you and part of that is going to the OB.

SPEAKER_03 59:52

Okay. You could potentially is my math wrong. What are we doing? No, my math's wrong. You would have an early 2027 baby.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:00

Yes. Yeah. If I'm we're looking at a transfer between like June and October, like in that time you would just have a 2027 baby cure. Okay. Okay. Yep. Yep. Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:11

Nice. Very cool. Oh my gosh. Oh, well, you I have to ask. Did any of your children meet your surrogate babe?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:19

Yes. All three of them? Oh, that's awesome. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:23

And did they now your kids are like different ages, right? So were any of them You were on the conversation, I think, of of of attachment or kids or something. We talked about this, but like um, recap, were any of your kids like attached or like did they they understood the process? Clearly, you're a doula and you uh, you know, they they understand babies and all that kind of stuff. So um, how did they feel throughout it?

SPEAKER_01 1:00:49

They felt good. The boys were just glad that I wasn't pregnant anymore because I could run around with them more. And my four-year-old, like, she just wanted to see the baby because she loves babies. And obviously, she was yeah, she was three at the time, so like she was still pretty little. But um intended mom actually just texted me two weeks ago, last week. I don't remember, a video of my littlest holding Sorrow Babe singing twinkle twinkle little star to her in the hospital. She's like, I was going through memory lane, and like this just has me all in my heels. Um Wow. But yeah, the kids came to the hospital and they saw her both. So they came the day after, held her, talked to her, saw her, and then they came to pick me up on that. So I had her Saturday, Monday. So they came on Monday and picked me up and they got to see her again um before they uh the family flew home because they flew home that that day or the next day. So baby was only a couple days old. Oh my god, when they flew home, but they're not an airplane. But yeah, they got to see her brand new fresh baby. Woo! Yeah. Oh, I know they contemplated it a lot. Yeah, that's so cute though. They got to see them, and yeah, they didn't even now, like my oldest, my youngest is like, I want a baby sister. I said, You can have a baby sister when you have kids. Thank you very much. I'm done. Love it.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:10

There you go. Oh, how funny aw. Well, yay, I'm very excited for you. That journey's some interesting twists and turns, but it seems like it turned out well.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:21

It does. Yeah. I love to hear good stories, yeah. Way better than the bad stories. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:02:26

Yeah.

Nonnegotiables And Self-Advocacy

SPEAKER_03 1:02:26

Yeah. Do you have any advice for anyone that's looking to be a surrogate or or going through infertility or anything?

SPEAKER_01 1:02:36

Yeah, definitely. So, like, if you're going to be a surrogate, you want to be a surrogate, start with your research. Know it all the like, and this is something I try and stress like you can have an agency and all that to be able to tell you the things, but you're not gonna know what you don't know. So do the research. Research everything. Yeah, research what your stance is on termination, research what you want out of your birth, research exactly your matching points and know exactly what you want. Because if you don't know what you want, you can't advocate for yourself. And that's for before you start surrogacy, all the way through post-birth. Um, yes, know what you want and advocate for yourself. If you can't advocate for yourself, either don't start or find someone who can advocate for you or help you advocate for yourself. Um, so in a birth, get a doula, um, anything like that. Yeah, great advice. Yes, yes, just great advice. Know what you want and stick advocate for yourself. Yep, yes, because you're not gonna get what you want unless you advocate for yourself, unfortunately. Um don't be don't be afraid.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:40

100% to stand in your, you know, to stand in your shoes, just be like, nope, this is I'm comfortable with this. You don't have to be like super demanding. You can say it respectfully. And it's just like if somebody I've found throughout the community that if somebody is disrespectful to me due to a stance that I have, all right, then this isn't this isn't the path that I'm going down with you. I will walk somewhere else. I'm I'm good with that. And yeah, yeah, absolutely. And that will happen.

SPEAKER_02 1:04:05

It's a personal journey. Yeah, it's a very personal journey, and you gotta know what you want. You've gotta know. It's not that we're divas and we're like, oh, and I want this and I want that. That's not what we're saying. Know how you want this journey or what what you want it to look like. I mean, yes, to every degree possible that you can have your feelings and your opinions, but some things are gonna go awry for sure. You weren't planning on a C-section, but it it happened, it worked out, you had a little time to process, and both parents got to see. Like, like, like beauty did come from it. I, you know, I your journey is But a lot of that has to do with you advocating for yourself as well.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:44

So like if you if you weren't as educated on a lot of things, like me, I am very lucky that I had my mom, especially in the first two, where I was like, advocate, say the things that I'm not gonna say. Like I was still young, I didn't know she has an R she has a she has a nursing background. So like definitely. I think that's I think that's probably one of the better advices that we've heard. Yeah, no, I that's like to have an advocate or advocate for yourself.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

Yeah, yeah. If you don't feel like you can speak up, have somebody that knows your wishes and can speak for you. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely phenomenal.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:17

Britney, I'm so excited to follow your second journey.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:20

I'm I'm wishing you all the best. Well, it will all be on Instagram because they have an Instagram as well. Um it's still very small, but we will be posting both sides a little bit. Um definitely be able to follow along on both sides.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:38

Perfect. That's so fun. Oh my gosh, very excited for what's to come for you.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:44

Yes, definitely, definitely.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:46

Thanks for taking the time. We really appreciate it. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:50

Thank you so much. I hope you have a great evening.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:52

Yeah, thanks, you guys too.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:54

Take care.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:55

Bye. Bye. Wow, that was great. That was so good. So much.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:01

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's got a lot of background here. She's she's yeah, she's very educated. And the and the testing before the end the um non-stress test. I forget what that test was called.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:15

The BBP the BPP or something, or the BBP, something like that. Yeah, there's like wow, so many interesting and unique things happened in that journey that I've never heard of.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:26

We always talk about villages, but boy oh boy, did she have a village behind her? It just seemed like every place that she went, there were people there to support her because she advocated for herself. Like she just was like, I need this anesthesiologist, I need this. Like this is gonna happen to me when you give me an a block to have a c-section. I need this. Yeah, and I understand all there's a lot of women that aren't that that might not be able to do that, that might not know as much. But as she said, if you just research and know what you need as a person, yeah, everybody's capable of advocating. Everybody or have somebody do it for you.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:01

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:02

Have a support, have a support person with you for sure all the time.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:05

My gosh. Thank you so much, Brittany.

SPEAKER_02 1:07:07

Yes, thank you. Such a fun podcast. Thanks so much. And you've spoken, Brittany. I just have to say that. So well spoken.

How To Reach Us And Closing

SPEAKER_03 1:07:13

Barry and thank you for educating me on so many things. Because like I'm just like over here like raising me and like I have a question. Okay. If anybody has any stories or questions they would like to share, please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram at stop period sit period surrogate or at our email at stop periodsitperiod surrogate at gmail.com. Oh, and this has been another episode of Stop Sit Surrogate with Kennedy and Alan. Bye, everybody. Bye. I always forget it's me. Before we wrap up, a huge thank you to our sponsor, US Surrogacy. Their support helps us continue to share real stories to educate our community and connect families through the incredible journey of surrogacy. Thanks so much for tuning in to Stops It Surrogate where every story matters and every journey is worth sharing. We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_02 1:08:17

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