Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
A mother and daughter podcast educating others on surrogacy from a surrogates point of view. And the point of view from the intended parents, children born from surrogacy, the agency, legal professionals and IVF doctors for the science behind it all. Together we have brought 8 beautiful children into this world and it’s been an insane rollercoaster ride! Good and bad, the sweet and the sour, all coming to light about the truths behind the best and worst surrogacy journeys. Stop. Sit. Surrogate. Is a podcast that is able to give well rounded information about surrogacy from every point of view. We hope to give as much education as we can provide, to those who want to learn and know more about surrogacy.
Stop. Sit. Surrogate.
How To Screen A Surrogate Without An Agency
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#surrogacy #ivf #surrogateSurrogate
Screening Solutions’ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/surrogate.screening.solutions?igsh=NTc4MTIwNjQ2YQ==
Surrogacy can feel like an all-or-nothing choice: pay full agency fees or try an independent match and hope nothing goes wrong. We wanted to explore the missing middle and what it looks like when intended parents and surrogates get real professional support without the full-service price tag.
We’re joined by Molly, founder and executive director of Surrogate Screening Solutions, who’s spent a decade in the surrogacy space on both the clinic and agency sides and has completed four and a half surrogate journeys herself. She walks us through what “surrogate screening” really means in practice: HIPAA releases, medical record collection, clinic approval, psychological evaluations, background checks, and insurance review. We also talk about case management for independent surrogacy, including help with attorneys, escrow, and the many details that have to be right before transfer can even happen. If you’re searching for independent surrogacy guidance, affordable surrogacy support, or how to screen a surrogate you found through a friend or Facebook group, this conversation lays out the steps clearly.
A big thread running through our chat is mental health in surrogacy. Molly shares why social work check-ins and support groups can change the tone of a journey, especially when timelines run long, transfers fail, or emotions get sharp on both sides. We also tackle myths that still scare people off, including the fear that a surrogate will want to keep the baby, and we explain how screening and communication reduce that anxiety.
If this helped you, subscribe, share with someone considering surrogacy, and leave a review so more families and surrogates can find these conversations.
Website: https://surrogatescreeningsolutions.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092664109600&mibextid=wwXIfr
Welcome And Sponsor Message
SPEAKER_01Welcome. We are a mother-daughter podcast about all things surrogacy. Together, we have brought eight beautiful babies into this world, and we would like to share through education and knowledge about surrogacy with those who want to educate themselves on the topic. This is Stop Fit Surrogacy. This episode is sponsored by U.S. Surrogacy LLC. If you've ever dreamed of helping grow a family or are hoping to grow your own, U.S. Surrogacy LLC is here to guide you every step of the way. They are a dedicated surrogacy agency committed to supporting intended parents and surrogates through a compassionate, ethical, and well-supported journey. U.S. Surrogacy LLC works with amazing women who want to make a life-changing difference by becoming a surrogate while also helping intended parents experience the incredible gift of parenthood. Their team focuses on transparency, strong communication, and personalized support so that everyone involved feels confident, cared for, and informed throughout the entire process. If you've ever considered becoming a surrogate, or if you're an intended parent exploring your options, USurrogacy LLC is ready to help you take that next step to learn more about their programs and how you can get started.com.com. And now let's get into today's episode. Hi everybody, welcome back to Stoppes at Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Hi everybody! Today we have a lovely guest who was referred to us. I love when our listeners are like, hey, you gotta check them out. So would you like to introduce yourself?
SPEAKER_00Yes. Hello. I'm Molly. I am the founder and executive director at Surrogate Screening Solutions.
SPEAKER_01Oh my gosh. Okay, so is this an agency?
SPEAKER_00It's like an agency. We, you know, kind of call ourselves like the third option. So, you know, it's like you have your independent journeys without assistance. You have your agencies that manage everything. And we're we're kind of a nice option for people where agencies and their pricing might be out of their price range. Um, so we offer a uh screening for surrogates that they've found independently, but then we also offer case management and social work support for their journey once they've been matched and their surrogates been approved at their clinic.
SPEAKER_01Oh wow. Okay. Super nice. How'd you get into this industry?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so I have been in the surrogacy space now for 10 years. So I started out at an IVF clinic. I was um the assistant to one of the doctors there, and I just kind of fell in love with um, you know, surrogacy from working in the field when I was there. Um, it was when I first became a surrogate myself. I've been, um, I've had four completed journeys, um, and then a fifth journey that, you know, just kind of didn't didn't get all the way there. Um, so it was just, you know, one of those things I worked there and then, you know, I did a surrogacy journey and I just couldn't imagine myself, you know, kind of doing anything else after after that. Um, you know, it's it's a really rewarding field to work in. Um, you know, and I just kind of loved everything about it. And I've been in all different parts of the space. So I've been on the clinic side a lot, but I've also been um at full service agencies as well, like doing everything from intake to case management. Um, so I've I've really just enjoyed my time in this space and you know, I was um excited to, you know, kind of find my own little little niche in this field.
SPEAKER_03Did you find a need for it? Did like from people that you were coming in contact with, and you were just like, you know, there's got to be a little bit of a better affordable option for those who too.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, I I did. It was when I was at the last IBF clinic, I was at, we had a lot of intended parents on independent journeys, and those journeys weren't working out. It was like there were there were just things happening they maybe weren't qualified or they were skipping steps, and it's like, you know, we couldn't really help them because we were the clinic. And I was like, all right, I really want to be that person who's able to, you know, kind of help in this beginning stage of this journey just to make sure that everybody's setting a strong foundation, everybody is, you know, kind of doing all of the steps just like an agency kind of does with their screening. So collecting those medical records, making sure nothing's in them, making sure they get their psych done, their background checks done, their insurance reviews. So then once they get to the clinic, all of those things are done, and somebody's also, you know, been talking to the surrogate. So it's not, you know, one of their situations where, you know, you're you're getting to clinic, you're getting to medical screening, and then something happens, and you know, either she's not qualified or she stops communicating with them because that's what was happening with a lot of those independent journeys, which was, you know, it's like heartbreaking. Um, you know, and there are people who had to say, like, you know what, this was my last chance, and now I now I can't do it anymore. And that was, you know, on the clinic side, that just really hurt my heart because it's like, you know, you want everybody to be able to get there and to bring that baby home. And I was like, all right, maybe I can be, you know, this option for these people, you know, where it's a much lower cost and it's it's helping them get there.
SPEAKER_01Okay. Wow.
SPEAKER_03So also do surrogates, I'm sorry, I'm jumping in, Ken. Does surrogate? Do surrogates come to you and say, Hey, I'm looking for a match, or the intended parents are seeking you out and saying, Hey, we're not.
The Screening Steps Explained
SPEAKER_00Usually the intended parents come to me because they've found a match. So maybe they've found a match in a Facebook group. Sometimes it might be a family member who has said that she wants to be their surrogate. So we have to see if, okay, is she qualified, you know, to be your surrogate? Sometimes it's a friend or a friend of a friend type of situation. I do sometimes have because I just I've been in the surrogacy space as a surrogate. So I'll sometimes have friends of mine reach out to me or, you know, surrogates will occasionally reach out to me. And then sometimes it does end up working out with intended parents that maybe it didn't work out with who they originally came to us with. Okay. Um, you know, so so for the most part, it's they have found that surrogate somewhere, you know, kind of themselves. And a lot of times it's a known, it's a known person to them. But just because they're known doesn't mean that, you know, they're gonna they're gonna check all those boxes that they need to check and able to keep it moving, right, and keep the process moving forward.
SPEAKER_03Yeah, okay. That's where you guys come in. Okay. That makes that oh wow, that's very interesting, niche.
SPEAKER_01Very so when okay, so so say, you know, I'm a surrogate and I meet, you know, a couple or a person online and then we find you. Uh have I, the surrogate, already gone through my clearances or am I doing my clearances with you?
SPEAKER_00You'll do those, yeah. You'll do those with us. So um, I always kind of start out with I'll have my consult with the intended parents, but my next step is if they already have that surrogate, I'm having a call with her. And it's a lot like an intake call, like an agency would do. So I'm kind of going through the whole process, talking about surrogacy, answering any questions she has, letting her know all of the steps that need to get done.
SPEAKER_04Yeah.
SPEAKER_00And then we kind of then go from there with those screening steps. So then we send her a HIPAA release, we request her medical records, and then I like to I like to just do that piece first, make sure those records are approved at their IBF clinic, and then kind of do all the other screening steps that need to get done. So then get the psychological evaluation done for everybody, um, her insurance review done if she has health insurance, um, and then a background check. Okay.
Case Management And Pricing Options
SPEAKER_01So yeah, so all the all the normal steps. And then from there, so like they're not being sent to an agency afterwards. This is independent but with additional help.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so sometimes intended parents just want us to help with just those screening steps. And that's a lot of the time if it's like a family member. You know, it's like we don't need somebody to help us, you know, communicate with my sister or whatever. Um, you know, so sometimes we're just doing that. Um, sometimes their clinic, even though they're family members, may require that they have case management while they're at the clinic stage. So then we also have parents that we're working with at that stage. So we'll work with everybody until their surrogate starts care at her OB. So we're making sure like their insurance policies are getting done, you know, the life insurance is getting applied for, we're the kind of go between just, you know, making sure everything's going smoothly, communicating with the clinics, the attorneys if we need to, helping with escrow. So doing all those things like like an agency would do for case management. So, you know, sometimes they just need it for that shorter stage, but then we're also have parents we work with until delivery. Um, so I kind of try to try to like just customize it for hey, what's works with your budget, what works with what you need. Um, you know, so we have different different things available. So for so it's kind of like they can have like choose like packages or like kind of like a carte in a sense, right? Exactly. Exactly. You know, I try to be, I try to be as you know flexible, flexible, yes, flexible as possible. Um, you know, just so that there's something that works for everybody.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. And I'm assuming, sorry, I'm assuming this is like a fraction of like what an agency would cost for intended parents.
SPEAKER_00It definitely, yeah, it definitely is. I try to have my prices as low as possible so that I can stay in business and feel like people can afford it. So yeah, so this screening, so for all four steps of the screening process, that's$3,000. And then from there, our case management packages vary. So it's$7,000 for case management until start of care at OB. And then if you um want additional until delivery, that's an additional$5,000. And then we have another package that's an additional, um, it's like$17,000 total. And it has a lot of um social work care included with it. So that has like 15 sessions for like each party that we're including with the with the package. So it's kind of like you have different, different steps. Um what's the initial one? It cut out on my end. What's the initial one? Oh yeah. Um 7,000 is for um until start of care at the OB. So requires it. Yeah, 3,000 is just for the is just for this all the screening. Screening. Wow.
SPEAKER_03That's really affordable. Really affordable.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and that was very important to me is to I want to make it as affordable for as many people, you know, as I can because some agency fees are, you know, getting in the 50,000 plus, you know, range. And you know, it makes it for that surrogacy not obtainable for, you know, a lot of people that need to seek it, especially if it's something like, you know, your sister's caring for you or something. It's like, you know, you don't those aren't the people that have saved 120, 150,000 for their journey. You know, it's it's people that it's like had these, you know, medical issues that this is where they have to go. And, you know, they luckily have a family member, but they need support. And at the same time, they, you know, that makes it so that they maybe couldn't proceed if that was their only option.
SPEAKER_03Right, right. Are the majority of your clients first-time intended parents?
SPEAKER_00A lot of them are first time, but I do have some parents that did a their initial journey with an agency and then they come to us for their sibling journey. So it's like they already have the so then they don't need matching, right? Their their surrogate wants to work with them. They still kind of they don't want to have to do all of the detail work, um, you know, because they were with an agency, so they know how much is involved. And then, you know, it's just it makes it so they can do that sibling journey because it's it's not a full agency fee that they have to pay again. Yeah, that's awesome. So yeah, I'd say probably 25% of our parents, it's a sibling journey. Wow. That's that's super great. And I don't know if we asked, how long have you been in business? Um, April will be three years that Sarrogate Screening Solutions has been in business. And how many babies have you? Do you keep stats like that? How many babies? We are just having babies like deliver like now. Um, initially, I just did a lot of just the screening only, and then um medical record collection, and then probably like year one and a half was when we started really taking on people for journey. So now these people that you know we've been working with for almost two years now are getting to the point of having their deliveries in the next couple of months. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Oh, how exciting. Because it takes nine months to literally carry a baby.
SPEAKER_00So like kind of before there, yeah. So yeah, so it took a little bit to have babies coming, but we have um like from May to you know onward, probably like seven or eight or so that are yeah, that are currently currently. So yeah, they're baking right now.
SPEAKER_01That's exciting. That's exciting. Um when so when these couples when these couple would need couple to answer again. I don't know how I'm supposed to like love that. But when the group is about to go the matches, when they're with you, um are and they say they want like the whole thing. They they want you there because it is their first time. It's both their first time. They're like, we need extra, we need someone to hold our hand through this. Are you giving them do they come with like, oh, this is the lawyers that we've been looking at? Or like are you helping them get in contact with like the outside people?
SPEAKER_00Well, it all depends. Sometimes they do already have attorneys that they've been talking to. Usually the surrogate doesn't, but sometimes the intended parents do. So, you know, I I do give a lot of referrals like the attorneys I they usually always always have a clinic though. So it's like they've already, if the embryos aren't created, they're almost created when when they come to us. Um, so but they don't always have attorneys, so we're always happy to give, you know, referrals that way and and guidance. Um, same with escrow. Um sometimes when they're independent, they don't think it's as important as it is. So that's always something that I'm kind of like, if you are compensating her, if you want your, you know, here's you know, here's some trusted escrow providers, you know, you really need to, you know, this is another important step. Um, you know, so we definitely do, you know, kind of refer as as we need to to the people that they're gonna need to have on their team to, you know, to make the journey happen successfully. Wow. Awesome. You're dialing.
SPEAKER_01Very exciting. It's like so. Do you work internationally too, or are you just domestic?
Mental Health Support Groups
SPEAKER_00I have we have some. Um, I have two or three international intended parents. Um, so it we're definitely open to, you know, to international. The majority of them are in um the US. I'm in Connecticut, so a lot are kind of like East Coast, East Coast East intended parents, but we we kind of have have some people everywhere. Okay. Okay.
SPEAKER_01And on your on your website, you do talk about, um, you talk a lot about emotional support on your website. Why is mental health such a big part of this process, do you think?
SPEAKER_00It really, it really is, and it is for all the parties. Um, it's just there's just so much involved. There's so many emotions, there's so many things that are emotional that can happen. Um, you know, there's also timing issues where, you know, people could get upset, um, you know, if they want something done yesterday, kind of people, and it's really not because it's it's kind of not how the process works. So I really, I really find that having mental health support is very important. And that's something that also when you're on an independent journey, you don't always have. Um, so we do sponsor an intended parent support group every month, and that's open to anybody. It doesn't have to be our intended parents. So it's kind of open to anybody who wants that extra support. We also have a support group for surrogates, and that's more of like a kind of meetup and chat kind of um kind of thing that we do monthly as well. Um, we're also looking to um, because I've recently hired um someone to assist me who's a Spanish speaker with intake, because I had a few surrogates that were only Spanish speaking. So we're gonna start having a Spanish speaker support group for surrogates just so that they have somewhere to go where they're most comfortable, um, you know, most comfortable talking. We also have social workers on staff that do check-ins. Um, so our regular level of care has just like five check-ins throughout the journey with both parties, but they're available if you need it for more, if there's ever some kind of conflict that you need to talk to with a neutral party together. You know, we have that availability. Um, so I just I just feel it's just really important to feel like you have somebody that you can talk to. It's kind of like in life, right? Like it's good to have a therapist that when you're, you know, that you know when you're having something going on, or even just to have regular check-ins with that. It's just it's just so important. And mental health is sometimes something people don't want to, um, you know, don't want to talk about too. So our surrogates, we usually have them um happy to participate. And our intended parents are usually more of a no, we're okay kind of people. So it's a little harder to get the parents to know that it's like, hey, it's this is for you too, you know, it's like this is important. Yeah. Um, you know, but we're hoping it, you know, continues to grow and we have more more parents too that are really um, you know, that really do want to talk to our social workers. Yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Oh, so do you have you have social workers running them?
SPEAKER_00Yes, I do, yeah. So yep, that's great. We have social workers that do the check-ins and then you they also um they also run the meetings that we have, the monthly meetings. So that there's somebody that is um, you know, has a mental health background that if there are, you know, because sometimes, you know, things get emotional. I feel like it's better to have somebody with that type of background. Um, so like I'm not on those calls, especially if somebody wants to complain about me, right? I don't I don't want to be on the call if they have something to say about like you know, us. You know, I want them to be able to like have a safe feel they can, yeah, freely, freely speak and stuff. And there's also a mental health provider that's able to, you know, kind of redirect or you know, kind of help them work through things if it, you know, if it's emotional.
unknownWow.
SPEAKER_03Because there's a lot of hormones involved in all of this. And people Yeah, they're feelings hurt very, very easily when they think something should have been done one way and it really and you should read my mind. Yeah. Mental health was not a thing back when I did this. Like it it was no, no. You you we had a monthly meeting, that was it, and you really just all talked about, oh, did you get a positive pregnancy test? You didn't talk about anything that was going on. And I've seen the switch, and I cannot uh condone it and applaud about it enough that mental health is huge now in this industry and it needs to be and it needs to keep going. And you're not those intended parents come around. You are, because they're gonna realize once they're in the thick of it that they need it just as much, if not more.
SPEAKER_01Yeah, and honestly, it's not like I mean, because you know, we we host like a monthly chat, you know, like just like a surrogate can come in and talk and stuff. And a lot of times, you know, people don't talk, but you know, they just want to be there and hear other stories. And sometimes that's just helpful. And I do think that that would be super helpful for intended parents like, oh okay, I'm not comfortable with talking because that is that can be overwhelming for people who don't want to like open up to like strangers for spotlights. But for those who who do not mind the spotlight for like 10 minutes or whatever, you can learn something or you can take something from somebody else's story. So yeah, you know, try it out, people.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, our IP support call does have um does have a lot of intended parents that that come and some come and just listen and some come and talk, but it's just kind of like the one-on-one. I find like that the intended parents are a little more apprehensive about doing maybe it might be like, I don't think there's anything going on that I need to talk to somebody, you know. I just like to leave that door open for them too, you know. It's like we offer this if you need it, you know, please talk to our, you know, please talk to our social worker.
Molly’s Surrogacy Story And Family
SPEAKER_03And a lot of times I think they might think they're gonna be judged. They've gone through such a hardship to get here. To have the to have the reality of needing a surrogate that you you've probably tried everything else, like and it's just not working, and now this is it, other than possibly adoption. But surrogacy has a has a big draw to it. And you don't want any more judgment. You don't, I can I've never been a Nintendo parent, but you can I could see how they would think. Oh no, I'm not opening. Oh no, somebody may pick at that and and they maybe just what they maybe don't won't work with me, or they won't understand. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01A lot involved with that. Um shifting gears a little bit. You mentioned that you were a surrogate four or five times, right? Yeah. We'll call it four and a half. Okay, I was gonna say four and a half, but some people are like, don't do the half. I consider myself three and a half. You look old enough, I feel like four and a half.
SPEAKER_00Four and a half totally worse.
SPEAKER_03You look old enough, Molly. You just don't. My God.
SPEAKER_00Were they all singles? Yes, yeah, they were. And then my own, my own kids, my oldest is actually uh 25. So I have them. You need to go into the skincare line. Like open that up. Like, I have like zero, zero skincare routine either. So I think that might be like what's good. And then I joke that in like Connecticut, our sun is not as bright as other places. So that also could help you have leather over here.
SPEAKER_01Yes. Jeez. Wow. I was not expecting that. I'm over here like cool, she's like close to my age.
SPEAKER_00Late 20s, early 30s. I'll be I'll be 44 this year.
SPEAKER_03Oh girl, you both are realistic. My God.
SPEAKER_00Okay.
SPEAKER_03So when was your last when was your last target baby born?
SPEAKER_00The last baby born um was she'll be two. She'll be two this year.
SPEAKER_03So you did it after 40. High five, right there. Yes, me too. Okay, you go, girl. That should be a podcast.
SPEAKER_00I mean, it was tiring, but besides the tiring part, it was it was fine. Exactly. Oh fine. Exactly. I joke that I've like been pregnant my entire life. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01What did your adult child think?
SPEAKER_00My adult child, um, my adult child is uh trans. So they're actually like super excited about it because I've I've carried for a lot of them were gay couples, so they're very, you know, so it was kind of like a bragging kind of thing where they would brag to their like friend group about like my mom's a sorry for our gay guys kind of thing. Oh so cool. Yeah, which is yeah, which is cool. And then um my other kids are 16 and 11. So when I started my young or 12, he just turned 12. My youngest was like three, so he had no idea with my first surrogaces, and then now it's now they're you know, so it's been like it's normal. Yeah, a decade almost two of um of being a surrogate. So I started the process in 2017 for my first surrogacy.
SPEAKER_01And what brought you to surrogate? Like, how do you find out about surrogacy?
SPEAKER_00And then I was like, Yeah, so my um my job at the time was at the IBF clinic. So it was kind of like one of those, like, hey, I want to do this too. You know, it was like, this is cool. Like, you know, these women are helping, everybody's so happy. Or like, I want to make people happy. Let's see if I can do it. So, you know, and that was kind of where I was just like, oh wow, I was just impressed by everybody that I saw every day coming in. Um, because the clinic that I worked at had a high population of people using surrogates. They did a lot of third party reproduction. So it was like, all right, let's see. And then, you know, it was like I did one and I'm like, okay, I want to, you know, I want to do another one kind of thing, you know. So it's it's kind of like once you do one, you kind of just keep going. Yep, you know, until you really can't medically anymore.
SPEAKER_01Right, exactly. Until it's like no serious.
SPEAKER_00You've done four and you have three. Yes. That's seven babies. That is a lot of babies. Yeah. One of them was a sibling journey, so some places like kind of count differently with sibling journey. That is where it was going.
SPEAKER_01That is where it was going. Because the adult is like six pregnancies. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03And that's seven pregnancies. Correct. Yeah. Yeah. And then you said you did a almost a fifth. That would have been eight.
SPEAKER_00There was, yeah, there was a in there of that. Yeah. But that, yeah. Were you independent for any of those? Were they two of them? Two of them I had to think. Yeah, two of two of them were independent journeys. Okay. It does. Yeah. And it's kind of like they're more flexible. I don't know why they count it different sometimes with like when it's like a sibling journey, but they probably because they they know the genes and stuff like that.
SPEAKER_01They're like, okay, this winter.
SPEAKER_00Yeah.
SPEAKER_03Yeah. Awesome. Okay.
SPEAKER_01That's pretty cool. I I'm still not over the fact that you said you have a 25-year-old when you look 25. Right. Like, that's so crazy. Um, let's see. Let me go down here. We like talked all through them. I'm like, go up. Jeez. So sorry.
SPEAKER_00I feel like yeah, that you did some jumping around. So it's a flowed majority.
Misconceptions About Surrogates
SPEAKER_01Yeah. Um, you know, okay, so there are what what is the biggest misconception people might have about surrogates, do you think?
SPEAKER_00The biggest misconception, I think, when people have no idea about surrogacy is just that um that they're gonna like want to keep the baby, I think, is is what I see as the biggest misconception. And it's just like you don't understand like the rigorous screening that goes into it, and nobody wants a baby. Like, if you're doing this, like if I wanted a baby, I would have my own baby, you know, I have no reason. And I'm older, and my kids were, you know, at during some of them much older. And it's like I'm I'm do not want to start over with a baby that cries every two hours throughout the night and changes diapers, and you know, it's like that's never never would that have been my thought to like you know, because you're it's not yours and it's not yours from the beginning. You're not genetically related. It's like, you know, I like to call it like extreme babysitting, right? It's like babysitting this fetus, you know? Um, and I could never imagine not then giving that baby back to his or her parents, you know. It's just yeah, and it's just so when people think that it's just like I don't understand like why you think anybody would, but they really do like, and then you'll have intended parents too that are nervous initially because they think you know that the surrogates might want to keep their baby. Like, I promise we don't. Right. We don't, yeah. And we just believe the surrogate, yeah.
SPEAKER_01Yeah. We go through a rigorous process to like ensure that you know, those that do I don't know many that do have that mindset, but obviously that's what the screening process is for, is to weed out anybody that might have potential. Yeah, like just like a little fear of like, I don't know. You know, we just did a podcast on like attachment um and being a surrogate. And like, did you have an attachment? And some people are sometimes scared, like, oh, I was so attached to my babies. I'm I'm thinking, would I be attached to this pregnancy? So again, it's it's all right.
SPEAKER_03If you're not, if you don't know the process and you haven't been part of it, it can be such fear because it's so unknown. And then those who are in the community are like, no, not a big deal.
SPEAKER_04Okay, like no, no, not no, no, no.
SPEAKER_00And it's like you you look at the pregnancy different, right? Because it's like you're sending pictures to pretended parents, you're updating them on what's going on. You know, it's like you're not internalizing it and holding all these things in so that you feel like it's yours, you know, it's like you're always sharing and updating and doing things, you know, for you know, to give this baby the best, you know, the best growth growing or whatever, you know, that you can do. So yeah, it's it's always like just kind of kind of crazy that people, you know, still do think that in you know, 2016. 2016, 2026, my gosh. I just yeah.
SPEAKER_01No, but you're good.
SPEAKER_00From then to now, they still think 10 years. Still decade. You know, it's it's 2026, and you know, yeah, nobody has very rarely has that situation ever ever happened, you know.
SPEAKER_01Exactly.
SPEAKER_00It was like decades and decades ago where there is not was not the screening and stuff that there is now.
SPEAKER_03And there's been a couple stories where the intended parents just haven't picked up the baby, and then what do you do there? That's a whole nother podcast, but I'm just saying it's not always the surrogate. But no, we're not gonna want to keep this.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, and then you know, surrogates get nervous about that too. Like, what happens if they don't come for the baby? And then that's when you need that strong legal contract to say, like, hey, if they don't show up, it's going to this person and then this document. 100%. So, but yeah, it's a lot, a lot goes into it.
What Medical Records Can Reveal
SPEAKER_01It a lot does go into it. And speaking, you know, speaking of the screening process, like what do you think surprises people most about the screening process as they're going through it?
SPEAKER_00I think um like they don't sometimes realize how much information can be in medical records. And I always find people like surprised, like either they don't remember that something happened in their pregnancy, you know, like sometimes doctors will document things and they're like, I had no idea that I had a postpartum hemorrhage, or I had no idea I had high blood pressure. So sometimes people really are surprised by kind of what's in there. And then it also there are just some details of things like, you know, mental health concerns are sometimes in there, sometimes if there were social concerns and stuff. So it's like you can get a lot of information, you know, in those records. And, you know, sometimes it also can be incorrect, you know, and then it's like hard. It's like, do you trust the paper or do you trust the person? And, you know, so that that part of it, you know, is is kind of hard. So when it's, you know, with the population that we work with here, if it's their sister, you know, it it they're gonna lean differently than if it was somebody that they met in a Facebook group, you know, that might be, you know, misrepresenting their information.
Timelines Patience And Real Expectations
SPEAKER_01Interesting. Very true. Very true. Uh Molly, what is one thing every intended parent should know before starting the process with you guys? Or just the process in general?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so uh there's like so many things. You know, right? What's the one five? Give us a top what's the one thing? Um I think just that the process can take a long time because sometimes like the intended parents come to the process and it's like, so we can have transfer in two months, right? And it's like wait no. You know, it's like just their idea of like a timeline sometimes is like way incorrect that it's like they really have to be like, no, this stuff can take this long, and this stuff can take, you know, it's like from when you first have, you know, when you found a master, you found somebody independently, it can, you know, it can take at the least, it's probably like six months before you can get to a transfer after you go through kind of all the screening steps, the medical screening at the clinic, your legal contract, you know, so it's it's always kind of some some people are just baffled with the length of time that it can take. And then the length of time that it can take to get to the end, too, because not every transfer is successful and you have to kind of start over or you need additional testing. And you know, sometimes if you're on year two, year two and a half, and you're you know, now your surrogate's pregnant and you're you're almost getting ready for delivery.
SPEAKER_01Right. And what about this one?
SPEAKER_03No, patience is huge. They just people attack that patience, yep. Yes.
Tips For Nervous Surrogates
SPEAKER_01And what about a surrogate and and the and the screening process? Like, what do you what's your tip for them?
SPEAKER_00I feel like sometimes surrogates just get really nervous about how many steps there are in the screening and what happened, you know, like they're always nervous about well, what happens if, you know, psych psych asks me this question. You know, it's like they they just kind of like over overthink it and they get like nervous. And it's really like the screening is looking at the whole picture. You know, it's like it doesn't matter if you answered one question, like you have a little bit of anxiety, like that's okay. Everybody has a little bit of anxiety, yeah. But it's just, you know, your medical records are showing the picture. You're gonna have your, you know, your psychological evaluation is adding more to it, your background check, you know, so it's like all of these pieces, you know, it's gonna be okay. So it's you know, it's they they just get, you know, kind of nervous, nervous about the process and because it a lot of it's invasive, you know. It's it's a it's a background check, sometimes it's a drug screen, sometimes there's a virtual home visit. You know, it's like there's a lot of things. And, you know, and if they don't, you know, if they're new to the process and they, you know, kind of just fell into surrogacy, it it it can be a lot. So you know, it's kind of like breaking all the steps into like little steps and letting them know, you know, it's always important to be honest about things, but at the same time, it's you know, it's gonna be okay if it was just, you know, or you had, you know, you had to take iron supplements in one pregnancy or something like that. You know, it's like that's not a big deal. You know, it's like everybody, the clinic's gonna kind of look at the whole picture. Yeah, you know, so don't worry about it, you know, if there was if there was a small thing in in that, you know, in your records or something that you're nervous about with psych. Like it's it's most likely going to be okay.
SPEAKER_03I think I think part of it is for a woman and their family or just a woman in general to decide that she wants to be a surrogate, she's already like kind of invested and said, yes, this is something I want to do. I need to do this for whatever reasons. And then to think that her life is being picked apart, it's not, but to feel that it's being picked apart like that. Oh my gosh, this might not happen for one little thing. Just like you said, take it in baby step and just let the process continue and watch over you and just get through each step. It's a lot, but I think that mental health also speaks to that too. So there's support there to help her through each step, it's going to make them less nervous and less engaged.
SPEAKER_00Exactly. Exactly. And then, you know, them kind of finding somebody maybe that was a surrogate that they can talk to about the process. Um, you know, there's some good support groups out there, you know, like Facebook groups and stuff, or you know, they're always welcome to join our monthly, our monthly group too. So it's like just kind of find unique, you know, find your people, you know, to just, you know, to and that that will really help, you know, just kind of ease some of that. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_01No, I completely agree. And you know, I maybe I'm wrong for for for thinking this, but after being in, you know, the community for for such a time like yourself, like oftentimes, because that is a fear, right? Like you do feel kind of like I don't want to say attacked, but you kind of do. It's like you don't like me, or or whatever it is, or like you don't understand. Let me explain, like let me, you know, send you like these 20 paragraphs of why this one thing happened. And like really what I found is like as long as not as long as but I would say 90% of it, if you after your last birth, your doctor was like, you're good to carry again, you're most likely gonna get qualified to be a surrogate. There's obviously some things that might you know stop that, but I think it's very, very unlikely. I would say 90% of people who are cleared to have another baby are clear are gonna be cleared to be a surrogate. So it's it sounds more daunting than it than it is. Than it is, because yeah, they're not being studied, you're just being they're just being cautious. They gotta cover their buttons. Right.
SPEAKER_00Right, exactly. And that's what that's what there's a lot of liability involved in the whole process. So it's kind of you know, just just a lot of it's like a mitigating risk kind of thing of why, you know, why these steps are all important. Yes, exactly. Because the ultimate outcome is a healthy baby.
SPEAKER_04Yeah, exactly.
SPEAKER_00You want the baby healthy, yeah, and then you want the surrogate to also have a healthy, a healthy pregnancy as well. You know, it's like you just want everybody to it's win-win. That's all you're looking for.
SPEAKER_03That's all you're looking for. And and I and I always look at surrogacy as a win-win. Like it is, it is a win for the if all is going well, right? And we hope we keep our fingers crossed. We don't like to hear those negative stories, but we do hear them. But it just makes you pause and think, okay, wait, what what can be done differently or what how can we how can we move past this? How can we learn from it? Um, but yeah, I always look at surrogacy as win-win. I I I that's where my that's where my brain goes because I want it to work. Yeah, it's gotta work.
SPEAKER_02Yeah, it gives people hope. So it's so sad. That they just can't have the babies they want. Okay.
SPEAKER_03But with Molly, they I know they can do it affordably. That's awesome. Because honestly, surrogacy is out of reach for well, a lot out of reach for a ton of people. Surrogacy, if I had to use surrogacy, it would be out of reach for me. Yeah, right. There's no like middle class America. Like no joke, no joke. Middle and lower class America. It it's it's unattainable unless you have a facility or an agency or a or a or a resource like yours.
SPEAKER_01With without having to what? What's that called? Like second mortgage. A second mortgage, yeah. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03How many people do that? And it's just or personal loans or credit cards maxed to the and then you're paying off this baby until this baby's 35. Like let's avoid that. There's got to be better solutions. This is one of them. This is one of them.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, we definitely, we definitely are here. And there also are a lot of, you know, there's now there's more and more grants out there that are also available to people who are, you know, don't have$200,000 just sitting around for a surrogacy, you know. So there's there's different options, and you know, that's what we just want to be here. We want to be an option for these people to help them manage their journey and to do it, you know, at a at a cost that, you know, they're not gonna have to refinance their home to do.
SPEAKER_03Right. Exactly. Just to create a family. Like, I mean, that's it's just one of the staples in America, I think. Like home and starting a family, and you know, whether you do it singly or married or just as a joint union, whatever it is, it's just part of the American dream that I just look at it that way. If you want a family, you should be able to have one, given that your mental stability, yeah, you know, all of that stuff. I'm not just saying anybody who says yes, but you know what I mean. Um, yeah, and this is great that people have options.
Affordability Grants And Access
SPEAKER_00I mean, yeah, and you know, it's like infertility doesn't say like, oh, just the you know, just the top 10% earners are gonna have infertility. You have these diagnoses, you know, no matter what your financials are. And then, you know, if you're a gay couple, yeah, you know, that's your only choice to, you know, to have a baby with your genetics is to turn to surrogacy. Yeah. Um, you know, and that can, you know, that's a whole population, you know, that's you know, millions of millions of people are, you know, a gay couple or a single, you know, a single guy or a single woman who, you know, wants to have a child. So agreed.
SPEAKER_03Options should be there, and this is fantastic. They weren't 20 years ago, 24 years ago, they were not there. It was all agencies, and each agency that came on board was just higher and higher and higher and higher, and more elite and more elite, and it just knocked so many people out. So, again, this is a positive I see in 20 somebody years. This is great, this is wonderful.
Where To Find Molly And Closing
SPEAKER_01Where can people find you, Molly?
SPEAKER_00Yeah, so um, we are on Facebook, we're also on Instagram, so just surrogate screening solutions. I think on Instagram it might have dots. Um, also our website is www.surrogate screening solutions.com. Um, you can book a consultation right from our website. Um, you also can message us on Instagram or Facebook, and we're always happy to usually me, I usually do all the replying on the social media. So we'll get right back to you. Um, you know, our consultations are always free of charge. Um, always happy to just answer questions to you about surrogacy, they're from intended parents or surrogates. So um I probably talk about surrogacy 90% of my day. Right. So I'm always, always happy to be there just to, you know, to support and cheer you on. And, you know, even if you don't have a need for us right now, I'm still, you know, happy to, you know, talk to the intended parents and and help give them some guidance.
SPEAKER_01That's very sweet. Amazing. Oh my gosh. I'll put all that in the in the description so that way it's easier to find to find you. But did we leave anything out? Yeah. I think we hit a lot of we hit a lot of all.
SPEAKER_00I think we hit all the things. Yeah.
SPEAKER_01Literally every bullet point, just like out of order.
SPEAKER_03But like we're such a great you're such a great speaker, and you just in a nutshell, man. Bam, bam, bam, you got it. I was like, oh, look at her. She is lovely lovely. Yes. And she looks 25. Yeah, yeah. That's that's another podcast we have to do with you. Skincare routine, how do you work out? Whatever. I'm I can't.
SPEAKER_00My all my Aldi's bootleg uh facial moisturizer or cleaners.
SPEAKER_01Well, you know what? It works.
SPEAKER_00Yep. It works. I don't know, but yeah. No, fine. I've always like kind of like looked young. So then it's also kind of hard to because sometimes people don't take you as seriously. Right, right. Like, oh, are you 25? No, I actually I'm 45. Right, right. You don't do it, I promise.
SPEAKER_03And then you said you had the older adult child that was like, oh, there's no way this girl's inner. There's no way.
SPEAKER_01No, you can't be 25 with a 25-year-old. That's impossible.
SPEAKER_03Like 12? Did you have it? Oh my god. Okay. Wow. More power tea. I'm so excited for this. So thrilled. Thank you. Big up to all those upcoming babies that are cooking. Yes.
SPEAKER_00We're so, we're so excited. I think right now we have like 20 journeys that we're doing case management. You know, four in different stages. Yeah. So there's babies, there's people at transfer. There's, you know, so it's exciting. Um, you know, the growth is exciting. Um, we like being able to, you know, just really help help this intended parents that are, you know, looking to do things independently, just you know, be able to make it easier for everybody in the process and to be able to be that support for the surrogate too. Um, because that's something sometimes people don't always think about with you know independent journeys. It's like who's gonna do all the things and like you know, and who's gonna support her, right? You know, because it's there's a lot that goes on, especially if you've done surrogacy journeys, you know, there's emotions, there's questions, and you know, just being able to have somebody that you can ask those things to, you know, I think I think is really helpful to um super helpful.
SPEAKER_03Super helpful because again, the ultimate is a positive, wonderful outcome with a healthy baby at the end and a mentally stable intended parents and surrogate family. Yes, and surrogate's family, because they go through a lot too. Yeah, so the surrogate. Mental health is taking care of her in check. She's going to be that much better of a mom and a wife, a partner, what have you. Yep, definitely.
SPEAKER_01Win win. Well, thank you so much, Molly. This was fantastic. I hope we talk soon. Like keep us posted on all those babies.
SPEAKER_00Yes, definitely, definitely. Thank you so much for having me as a guest. Um, this was great. It was so nice to talk to both of you today. Nice to have you.
SPEAKER_01It was beautiful to have you. And I love what you're doing. It's love it. Love it. It's definitely needed. You found you found what was needed and you provided it. So I hope thank you. I wish you the absolute best. I mean, you're doing phenomenal.
SPEAKER_03So 20 journeys. This is great. Yeah. People are finding out about you. So it's wonderful. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00Yeah, definitely. Definitely. So I'm so excited, excited for you know the show to air and stuff. More people. More people. You know, hope to see you guys out in the out in the Serious Court.
SPEAKER_01Seriously world. Yeah. One of these days. We're there. Yes. Behind the show. Awesome. All right. Well, have a great, uh, have a great rest of your day, Molly. Thank you, you two. Take care. Bye. Oh my gosh. She's so cute. How sweet is that? Three years. My God, that's phenomenal. I know. 20 journeys currently, like seven to eight babies within this year.
SPEAKER_03Like we all know it takes a long time to get to that point where you're you're pregnant and having a baby. Like, and in three years, she's got eight cooking. Whoo! Amazing. Keep it going. She looks like she has endless energy. Because in Connecticut, like we record these at a certain time. It's like nighttime in Connecticut. So she had endless energy.
SPEAKER_01Nighttime in Connecticut right now. Her son was out.
SPEAKER_03Because it's daylight savings time. It's like 5 20, 5 30. It's nighttime. It's dinner time. Oh, really? Yes. I don't know my geography. Connect it's East Coast. Yes. Mm-hmm. And she's still like that perky at the end of the day. Like, you go, girl.
SPEAKER_01Seriously, dreams. Oh my gosh. Well, thank you so much, Molly. This was absolutely fantastic. And it was great. I learned a lot. I hope more people go to you because that is a great little in-between option. Perfect. Yes. That's perfect. Yeah. Well, if anybody has any questions or stories they would like to share, please feel free to reach out to us on Instagram at StopPeriod SitPeriod Surrogate or at our email at stopperiodsitperiod surrogate at gmail.com.
SPEAKER_03That's been another edition of Stop Sit Surrogate with Kennedy and Ellen. Thanks for listening.
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SPEAKER_01Before we wrap up, a huge thank you to our sponsor, US Surrogacy. Their support helps us continue to share real stories, educate our community, and connect families through the incredible journey of surrogacy. Thanks so much for tuning in to Stopsit Surrogate, where every story matters and every journey is worth sharing. We'll see you next time.
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