No Shade Just Palm Trees
Welcome to the 'No Shade Just Palm Trees Podcast,’ where shade is scarce, and laughter grows abundantly! Join our hosts, the man who traded his rap dreams for comedic schemes, as he spins tales of humorous misadventures and serves up life's quirks with a side of wit. Alongside him are two fabulous, ill in more ways than one, highly intelligent, beautiful unstoppable women, sharing their sizzling hot takes on life with freestyle comedy. Get ready for a podcast oasis filled with humor, laughter, and a whole lot of sunshine that’s inspiring, refreshing and informative. It's not just a show; it's a tropical vibe for your ears!
No Shade Just Palm Trees
EP. 234 “The Best of NSJPT x TiCs
Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.
Get ready, folks! Check out the best of the No Shade Just Palm Trees and Two ill Chics podcast! We’ll be back next Saturday with new heat!
Buzzsprout - Let's get your podcast launched!
Start for FREE
Commercial Skit
Yo, what up everybody? It's your host, mr Royce, of the no Shages Palm Trees podcast, and I'm here to let y'all know that this is a compilation episode, episode 234. It is the best of no Shages Palm Trees, two ill chicks. We're in the fucking building. You know the fucking vibes. It's all the best clips, the funniest clips, everything that you can think of is right here from this year and it's going down Now.
Speaker 1I came on here to let y'all know that also, benita Sunshine will be stepping away from the no Shages Palm Trees podcast. She will no longer be a co-host on the episode. I know, I know very sad, but she has decided on her own that her heart wasn't in it and she didn't want to cheapen the fans. So what can I do but respect that? But thank you, benita, for five years of dedication to the no Shages Palm Trees podcast and we're going to keep this thing rolling. Man, we got Kiss my Grits, we got Submissive Tammy, two ill chicks. We got new content, we got new episodes, everything. Just make sure y'all locked in. Every other Saturday we go live on YouTube and we go live on Facebook. The chat is where is that? Just letting y'all know that right now. Jump into the chat. It's live, we engage, it's all jokes and it's all love man. So without further ado, check out the episode. Thank y'all for tuning in. We up out of here.
Speaker 2Okay, so I asked this question have you ever been married? Nah nah Okay.
Speaker 1Engaged but not married.
Speaker 2Okay, I've never been married either, and I came to realize. The reason I never said yes is because I was under the impression that once you are a wife, you got to eat the husband ass. And I'm not eating no booty, so I don't want to ring on my finger. It's not a wifely duty to eat the booty. I felt like that was a wifely duty.
Speaker 1You don't want to tickle the cooch for ring. You don't want it, even if okay. What about if he wax and shower? Still no, first thing in the morning, nah.
Speaker 2They get smart and they sleep. No, the fuck.
Speaker 1That's something that's not talked about enough. The way women be busting the ass and they sleep that shit like an AK-47 in the hell. Oh my God, I'm eternal, I'm like shit, shit, hey, hey.
Speaker 2It don't stink though.
Speaker 1That's always somebody.
Speaker 2First thing to say my fight don't stink, it's coming out your ass. Yes, it does, michael Jackson over there.
Speaker 3Brracket, cracket, cracket what.
Speaker 4I ain't Nick Cannon, relax man. What is she doing over there?
Speaker 1Okay, first, of all, let me ask you a question Do you want to be a woman?
Speaker 2No, I don't want to be a woman, because the two old chicks do this thing. Where we give bad advice, am I supposed to be giving this girl the good advice?
Speaker 1Like what I would do. We could do both. I don't want it. I don't want give me the bad advice. You want the bad advice.
Speaker 2Yeah, give me the bad shit. Well, that's what you do. That's what you do. Okay, you'll go over to this man house one night.
Speaker 4This sounds so late.
Speaker 2Sleep late at night. I'm going to sleep at 2, 3 o'clock in the morning, okay that room sleep that part.
Speaker 2I move real quick. All of that like he don't hear shit knocking over because you about to break into this man house. So this is why this is important for him to be in this room, sleep so that you can easily access his domain without his permission. So find an open window, climb the fucking, get in a bed next to him and just go to sleep like a man happy. When he wake up in the morning, y'all wake up together. Boom, we go together now. So now he knows what it really is. That's the bad advice, the good advice video, I know.
Speaker 1I have questions video. What was that a like? Was the wires crossed?
Speaker 2no, that really can come out like that. Or she not secure yourself, yes, it's like that.
Speaker 1Even in those moments there's just nasty that's so that don't hurt, like that in like, when it looks like that, like it didn't, that don't hurt. You know, I'm saying cuz it's supposed to be first of all, I did not watch the video.
Speaker 2I have had the clips posted and I'm not clicking on it because the girl she's just another one who just looks unsanitary to me. So I'm not watching that and, based off of what y'all are saying, I feel like I made them right. This is a two-day-old chicken. What she's working battery acid it just I bet that pussy going to dark. That shit something that's gonna bring that shit like ramen noodle keeps an average. I know, kim, shit was never confirmed. These new bitches is confirming shit.
Speaker 1They say look him over, we ain't never seen shit this is true, yeah, yes, so so you do believe she needs to be hydrated.
Speaker 2She needs some IVs yeah, she needs some IVs, she needs that stuff that you drink the light before you go drinking so you don't get drunk. But you need electrolytes lights, shiny, bright lights.
Speaker 1Yes, pea beer lights.
Speaker 2We have the own water for this one Young water. All of the lights, we need them, all of the lights.
Speaker 1LED lights.
Speaker 2LED lights yeah.
Speaker 4Oh shit, the rest of us need a little oil change. Oh my god.
Speaker 2Let the people know. It looked like it. It looked like it knew the oil change. Why are you playing it?
Speaker 1looked like the oil change. That's the problem.
Speaker 2Where the men's and turtles came from. That's the problem, You're scaring me.
Speaker 1You're not proud of your first hat, so that's good. What is it of Like? Is it that bad?
Speaker 2Tramp stamp. That's all I can tell you. The left, one on the left.
Speaker 4The left one on the right, the left one on the right.
Speaker 2So the wings that they are the sword.
Speaker 1The wings.
Speaker 2The wings and the sword.
Speaker 3So us See you all night. Oh my god.
Speaker 1My lady, I shall night you. What so? You pretty much like, have like like parentheses. So you have a sword. Hold on, hold on. Is it okay? So the sword is long ways.
Speaker 2Right on my head.
Speaker 3We have the power.
Speaker 1Who has the source of a stone Right?
Speaker 3We must free her. You are part of a night watch.
Speaker 1You are part of a night watch John Snow.
Speaker 4John Snow.
Speaker 3He's not. He's getting naked Maybe.
Speaker 4It ain't even. There you go.
Speaker 1You got the whole G who you who you, who I know when they watching us.
Speaker 3And I kept first off. I was tickled in the comments because somebody said was that the only one that thought this was a piece of cake?
Speaker 1bad, that is.
Speaker 3It was like a piece of cake, like you know, one of the cake that somebody has made. Look life like, life like. This is, and then, when it started stolen, girls like what up? Why his hands look so old?
Speaker 1This is thing like it goes fucking fingers.
Speaker 3Yeah, it's it's finger. That's not even the nails, it's finger. That's scary.
Speaker 1Godly boy oldest Trinidad. Jeepers, creepers. I don't know Jinkies, and I wouldn't have got away with it too If it wasn't for the meddling kids fucking fingers. Told a story boy. I Want to see what a palm reader does for his shit, cuz it's. I know they tell old Negro spirituals they're fucking fingers.
Speaker 2Fuck about this is a racist if it's right.
Speaker 1I agree with that.
Speaker 2Hold on. No, because when we talked about this I felt bad, remember. But okay, so listen, let me tell the story. It's racist, I don't care. It's racist. We were, but I was driving and this car had the blinker on the whole time. So not only am I, I thought I was racist, I was also sexist. So the first comment I said was I bet you that's a woman. The blinker was on the whole time. Then the lady was such a terrible driver. So when they got over it was kind of like hope everybody's okay, everybody be safe. It just got over. I said that is an Asian lady.
Speaker 2What was?
Speaker 4the right. I felt bad for being right. That is fucked up.
Speaker 3I go now.
Speaker 1Like a chick. Just be like giving you head and she be like you about to nut. She be like abracadabra look at your mouth.
Speaker 2I'm about to tell y'all a story. You just don't think about something. I don't even know if baby's in here right now, but they told us the other day about this girl he was dealing with. It was a hairy powder fanatic and she had a wand on the side of the bed, on the little stand. Yeah, fancy, she wanted those.
Speaker 1Those things are expensive.
Speaker 2They said they was getting it. They was getting it. Good, she was on top and they was getting it. He said his eyes was closed and all of a sudden in his mind he said something happened and the pussy just got better. And when he opened his eyes, he's riding him and waving the ball.
Speaker 4I have questions. Wait, you said it got better.
Speaker 2He said he opened his eyes and she was riding and doing some shawty shit.
Speaker 1First of all, that sounds fire.
Speaker 2My y'all don't act as it. The last time we were taking y'all out, we were taking y'all nowhere else the box bandit, the clip burglar.
Speaker 4They don't stop.
Speaker 2They don't act right. That's it.
Speaker 1Good times. Why does it smell like trouble? Why do y'all do this? What's wrong with y'all people?
Speaker 3I fuck with them.
Speaker 2What else can we do? Now he's telling us these are my people, my people too, you know what I'm saying?
Speaker 3Not the little ones, the big ones, the big ones.
Speaker 1The big ones Chill out, chill Chill.
Speaker 2Do I wear a mask?
Speaker 4You got the pooch ice.
Speaker 1It's this snail residue all over the wall. I got her.
Speaker 4Yes, can I ask?
Speaker 2y'all a question.
Speaker 1Go ahead.
Speaker 2What y'all think. Jesus is the name. You going to bring this to these people?
Speaker 4We're here.
Speaker 2Jamal.
Speaker 1Yes, so Jamal is Hebrew. Yes, give me your last name.
Speaker 2My last name, jesus's last name Jenkins.
Speaker 3Jenkins, jenkins.
Speaker 2Jenkins we never had it, jamal, we never had it.
Speaker 1That's pretty good.
Speaker 4JJ, for sure. Jj, j, j, j J.
Speaker 1J, there's a woman that is on. She has nine months left to live.
Speaker 4I see this Go ahead, go ahead.
Speaker 1And she has turned to her husband and asked him if she could sleep with her ex Before she dies.
Speaker 2I guess I die and wish yes, where the fuck I got to go. Matter of fact, the shit got to be done. Here I'm probably in hospice. I'm trying to get some dick.
Speaker 2Do hospices people have sex. This is a horrible thought. Let's not even go there. We're not even going to go there. However, me on hospice, I'm fucking. No, it's gonna be interesting. Before I die, please let me get. If you just got a rub down there, give me. Let me have one less Show. You gonna pride me of one major O before I go. Why you dying? Y'all thought of your partner to see what another person is more devastating to you than the fact that they're dying.
Speaker 1I Know y'all see people on vacation. I know y'all see people post Videos and things of that nature. Oh, how many videos is too much? How many posts about a vacation is too much? I feel like four Suffices. I think you can get three picks in a video. Wait it doesn't you know, somebody that's been posting every fucking body on my timeline. It's been. It be like you know how Facebook be like five pictures plus 47.
Speaker 2Are they posting videos and pictures during the vacation or do they come back on the vacation?
Speaker 1it's just like come back and blacks yeah.
Speaker 2Why did I see a post? Somebody said they was in the bar, in the barbershop out here and somebody was getting a haircut and they was like a, have y'all been to that sp here? And they was like what, what? And he was like you know, the SP here, the big thing down on the, on the, on the strip brush, hey, you mean the sphere.
Speaker 1That's.
Speaker 2The way I want to fight Some people just ain't never been nowhere and you have to try to.
Speaker 1But wow, and what point? Have you ever heard that in your life? That's what I'm confused about.
Speaker 2That's what I'm saying. Like at what?
Speaker 1point, were you like? Okay, let me draw a sp here and let's see.
Speaker 4I.
Speaker 2Do some conscious rep it might be fire.
Speaker 1It might be fire and I would believe her because I seen the story.
Speaker 2I used to be a hole, but I ain't no hole, no mode, bitch I got me, oh, I'm here for it.
Speaker 1Nick is a spit now here.
Speaker 2What if she would have Dr Omar end up being her ghost writer?
Speaker 4Wait.
Speaker 2You don't think it'll change him in any way.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think it'll change him a lot. I think it'll change it, open his eyes. If, if he's real, if he's real and like genuine, then yes, I think this will open. Pan African that's what this is, my pan African, that's what that could be saying. That should be killing me. Pardon me, excuse me, what nigga? Why are you tripping like that? But, yeah, I think it'll change him. I think it'll open his eyes. And I know you can't you to the free nasty, to the other side. Yeah, I didn't do that. No, he knew it, but he ain't been getting no box off of that he can't begin.
Speaker 1No playoff of that he get to pay an African sisters, I bet money should have ate his ass already. Oh, I'm for sure, and in the compromising positions we were talking about earlier.
Speaker 3In the positions we were talking about before we got on.
Speaker 1I'm sure of it, and he enjoyed it because it opened his eyes and it was nothing.
Speaker 4It was like nothing he'd never seen.
Speaker 2He will be aligned at that point.
Speaker 1The third eye is fucking hilarious. I just want you to know my inside. I have not left. It's too much. It's that fucking hard, like my inside is like built up. It was like it's like I couldn't let it out, like that shit is fucking nigga, the third fucking eye. So what's the most expensive gift you've ever given your guy?
Speaker 2Okay, hold on before I answer this question. You're talking about the one I'm with now or just in life?
Speaker 1If his is the most expensive, I don't.
Speaker 2Okay, so the most expensive in life.
Speaker 1Yes, in life, and how'd you feel directly after giving that?
Speaker 2I don't even want to answer this question. I gave him some sperm as a pet kids. That was the most fucking expensive gift. The way I cannot breathe.
Speaker 3I'm just gonna get my mouth full of the news.
Speaker 4What?
Speaker 3did you say nigga Twice?
Speaker 2two times. We did that twice. Very specific, oh Still can't now to this day. The longest gift in your life, he said he doesn't care bro. No, my uterus, that shit don't count. I gotta answer this question, otherwise my guy Okay, that shit count. You pay for daycare and tell me that shit don't count, that shit don't count.
Speaker 1She grating for good look.
Speaker 2Oh, the way that just ticked me out. Okay.
Speaker 1I just thought it was. I thought it was gonna be something like it's just wrong to put prices on humans. I just thought it was gonna be something like materialistic.
Speaker 2We'll school that Prices on humans Because they charge a shitload of money to take care of your human.
Speaker 1What you mean? I can't get free and reduce lunch.
Speaker 4Niggah.
Speaker 1Y'all ever been to the store, y'all got that out there, kay Rogers the store, the grocery store, yeah, we got Kay Rogers. Tammy, he's actually called Rogers.
Speaker 3Kroger's Yep. I'm off of my phone. Can you see I'm like.
Speaker 2Damn, please. I have no who. I'm not for the life of you. I was like what the hell, you talking about.
Speaker 1The Kay is silent.
Speaker 2Go away, not me really sitting here thinking he was gonna want to talk about a whole new store. I was like, okay, I don't worry about the food lying. And then he gone, just add me in and tell him, yeah, we got that.
Speaker 3Tammy.
Speaker 2I don't know if we got that.
Speaker 3Don't tell me me. I don't know no damn thing where I.
Speaker 4I don't know.
Speaker 1But the herb knocked him down, ayo, and I want to talk about that. I want to talk about the rebrand, the rebrand of usher, because before all of this, saluting of usher and usher is the greatest. And da, da, da, da da, there was this herpes case. He was fighting and everybody had this credited. This man, this nigga, started rolling, skating backwards and people forgot, oh, that's all he did. He started skating backwards and niggas was like, oh, that's that nigga, I can't do that, like what.
Speaker 2That is that one save him.
Speaker 1That is what saved usher that nigga got herpes. All you got to do is skate backwards and niggas forget that shit.
Speaker 2You know, what I think, too, is just whatever you're doing energy to. If you're gonna give energy to the shit, like he never gave any of these negative stuff. He talked about it a little bit, but you really didn't see him talking about it or making a big deal. He was like it is what it is, yeah, you don't give what you're gonna get. You want music or not? Like I feel like he did not give a fuck. And if you really did, here in this social media world you have to pick and choose when to not feed into the shit and not give a fuck, because people don't always say something. Everybody can't turn around from these things.
Speaker 1Yeah, there's again skating backwards, that's what I'm saying. He turned around, he skated backwards through the herp. That's what he said. He, literally and like you said, did a song with the city girl.
Speaker 2Even to the hurt. We don't know. This is not a place. What is happening here?
Speaker 1I just feel like the herpes is just like a dark place is damn. Yeah, I Speak. Another future, for did you see? Ford has cars that will repo themselves. Now, no, no, yes, they put out. So they, these kids, ain't gonna have to do shit. They're not gonna be tow truck drivers, is not gonna be none of that shit. It's not gonna be people working in the call center, it's not gonna. They're legit gonna be no McDonald's, they're just gonna be in their home and their capsule. And I don't. I don't know what you're gonna do, because before putting a pat in this, it hasn't gone through yet. But they put in a patent for if you miss a payment, the car will start itself and drive away. I guess it goes to the bank. I don't know wherever they put repo.
Speaker 1Oh, you missed the payment go outside to go to work, like where the fuck is my car? Bullshit, man. Fuck for it, man, it's a.
Speaker 3Day, so you can just park that car down the street right and then I'm gonna call me Fuck up your garage.
Speaker 4Garastore go.
Disastrous Singing Performance at 2022 Festival
Speaker 1Love that like they don't have a job and their entrepreneurs and they work for themselves and their bosses. Whatever, just because you make t-shirts don't make you a boss. Like stop fucking playing when I'm sick of people. That dad that take pictures in front of that green grass wall. You done with the like fuck with the neon lights like get the fuck out of you.
Speaker 1That's how I know it's a black business because you got that green as well. It's white walls and there's one green wall with grass and the neon sign that says some random shit on it, like worry less. Less, what is it? More? What? What's some shit else? They say talk less, say less. Shut up, I know you're out of black business like Pay $45 to get in here just to drink this $50 drink if you broke the engine, say that I'm out of here I don't know, man, this shit is stupid.
Speaker 1I don't like none of that shit. That great. Stop taking pictures in front of that green grass wall sitting on them, fucking swings. That shit pisses me off. I hate that, are you?
Speaker 3talking about.
Speaker 1It's everywhere, it's not just here. That's how you know it's a black business. But uh, did you see that video of Trace on when he was singing?
Speaker 3I didn't, I didn't, I didn't click it.
Speaker 1Please. So apparently, this was a 2022 Lovers and Friends Festival and this nigga just decided to come out and sing like this.
Speaker 4Oh God.
Speaker 3This nigga too, he didn't have his ear butted. He couldn't hear himself.
Speaker 4That's all it was.
Speaker 3He just couldn't hear Music only loud.
Speaker 1That nigga hit so many keys. He went from falsetto to like G flat.
Speaker 3You better leave your main alone.
Speaker 1That nigga fighting demons for real, though he was fighting on stage. All of allegations, music only loud.
Speaker 3He went off. He didn't do a sound check. He ain't do a sound check, it's okay.
Speaker 1That is not how that song goes. Anybody can know. It's not how neighbors know my name goes 10-8-8. When did he hit falsetto in there? He said it like that. I hate that man. I love Trace.
Speaker 4I can't let you keep playing during him Music only loud.
