The other day I ran into a real authentic pirate. How do i know that? Well because he had a peg leg, a hook, and an eye patch. I mean if you’re evidence based, what more do you need. No…I didnt ask for his pirate ID. I Supposed that his appearance was enough, just like having your name on a belt buckle in some small towns is pretty much the same as a state ID.
And yeah I was so curious to know a few things about him, So i asked. What happened to your, well… to your everything?
“Aaaaye thats a fair question. i was made to walk the plank of the coast of Jamaica back in the day, and a tiger shark was a waiting there for his next meal. And shiver me own timbers He got me drumstick before I could shake him loose. Thank goodness thats all he took. I swam circles back to the boat with me bloody stump and latched me self onto the anchor chain as it was being hoisted up. Them lily-livered scabby sea bass former mateys we’re swiping me ship. Well what could i do? i took me sash and tied it around what was left of me leg. I hung on to that anchor until we got to Port Royal late that night. Then I threw me self into the water and swam more circles ashore. I was exhausted upon reaching the docks and I carefully found my way into town, where i was lucky enough to find a doctor who would sew me up. As I healed I made a few friends in town. One of them, The blacksmith, helped to make me peg leg of solid oak from a wagon spoke, and just a tip of hardened black iron to keep it from splintering.
And about this here hook, wellllllll……that was just a misunderstanding between me and a bilge sucking croc 🐊. It all happened while i was innocently snook fishing on the salt creek river. As i was reeling me supper in i could see the dark stripe from tail to shoulder of me snook, so I reached down to recover me catch, when i was catched me self. He took me fish, and me hand faster than i could say “avast ye Blimey crock”.
And would you believe That ol blacksmith wouldnt give me a 2 for 1 deal, it cost me a chunk of me booty to get this here hook. And with me hoof and me snabber grabber now gone i can barely count to ten.
I was a little shocked to say the least by his wild tales. But now i was more curious than ever about the patch, so i asked…….”What about your eye? Did an animal eat that as well?”
Hahaha, Well not exactly, but kinda. You see i was out enjoying some time on the dock with a lass i was a courtin, Honestly I think she admired me hardwares more than me personality, and she’s probably the wiser for that. Anywho as we leaned on the rail out on the dock, the breeze was blowing slightly and the seagulls was flocking around some of the recently arrived fishing boats, hoping for scraps I’m guessing. They were swooping quite close to the dock, and then shiver me timbers outta nowhere one of them dive bombed us, I thought to myself “not whilst capn Poopdeck Pete is on duty”, and i shielded me lass as a proper pirate should…… and for that, I received the full blow of the seagulls recently digested meal smack in me eye.
“I’m still a little stunned by all of this, i mean Really? But I’ve never heard of any kind of bird poop blinding anyone”.
Aye I savvy that, and in most cases you would make an old sea dog with that kind of wisdom. Except for when you get a poop in your eye, or anything for that matter, you react quite quickly without thinking…..and regrettably THAT day….was me FIRST day with me HOOK 🪝 Aye Aye…me EYE