216: Mistake #1: Not Asking Them What They’d Rather Be Doing | Church Volunteer Series

This episode kicks off our Stop Doing This to Volunteers series by naming a simple but overlooked leadership habit: never revisiting where someone serves once they’ve said yes. 

We talk about the fear that keeps churches from inviting movement, and the belief many people carry that enjoying their role — or wanting something different — is somehow selfish instead of faithful.

In this episode, we cover:

1. Why long-term service doesn’t always mean long-term fit
2. The fear that asking “what would you rather be doing?” will leave you short-handed
3. Why liking what we do - and wanting something different - doesn’t make us less holy

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Transcript

Laurie Graham  0:01 
Hey, welcome to the Small Church Ministry Podcast, where we help volunteers and ministry leaders experience less stress, more joy and greater impact as we share strategies that actually do work in smaller churches. I'm your host, Laurie Graham, let's dive in.

Laurie Graham  0:23 
Hey, hey, welcome back to the Small Church Ministry Podcast where we talk everything small church and we love small churches. Now, this series, if you're just jumping in for the first time, we are jumping into a series called Stop Doing This To Volunteers: Top Mistakes Our Churches Are Making. If you have been around me for even a minute, you know that I am passionate about volunteers, about volunteer development, about building the teams that we love to be serving on. And this is where we're going. So I'm going to make these the next series of episodes. 

I think we're going to do seven of them, Top Mistakes Our Churches Are Making. These are probably going to be a little tighter, a little shorter, a little more to the point, and might step on a few people's toes. But what I want to ask you to do with me, absorb it, be open. Really. Take a second to assess where you're at, where your church is at, is this something that your church has a habit of doing? Because I'm going to tell you, we see this all the time. 

Here's why this conversation matters. We've been talking to small churches exclusively for over five years now, thousands and thousands of small churches. We have done 20 online conferences. We've had hundreds of people in the Small Church Network. We've got 15,000 people in our free Facebook community. This is just people in small churches who are wanting to do things differently, better, feel more effective, find more joy, know that what they're doing matters and the biggest conversation, the biggest complaints, sometimes it's whining, sometimes it's venting, sometimes it's literally just on our knees, solution begging. We are begging for solutions. We don't have enough volunteers. We're doing too much ourselves. We're not building the teams. People don't say yes, like they used to. Sign Up sheets are not working. What's happening in our culture? Why are our churches dying? But it all goes around to volunteers showing up, people wanting to serve, wanting to build the church with us. 

Now, we love the Church. We love volunteers. And please hear this, we believe small churches can be healthy with plenty of volunteers, plenty of people serving without panic, pressure or manipulation. Without panic, pressure or manipulation, no desperation, no Hail Marys, no standing up at the pulpit saying, hey, if we don't have volunteers, we're closing this program. Okay, none of that anymore. No working people to exhaustion. No more watching our faithful volunteers burn out, oftentimes, leaving our churches or serving with no passion. 

But here's the thing, the mistakes we're making are so common. They're also super subtle. They're very churchy. In fact, almost everything I'm sharing over the next seven weeks, are things that most of us have actually been taught, but they're not effective at all. So over the next seven weeks, we're naming them, not to shame anyone, but because we know we can do better. Because we're seeing it happen. 

We're seeing it happen with the churches, the people who are part of the Small Church Network. We're literally seeing church cultures change from burnout to healthy, from serving out of obligation and exhaustion to actually finding their spots of joy. We're watching churches get healthy right and left, and so we want to share with you some of the things that we're learning and we are practicing over the next seven weeks to help build church ministries that prevent burnout, not just respond to it, that respect agency choice, that value people over programs, and that trust that God is already at work. 

We don't have to scramble. So buckle up with me. We're going to start with one of the mistakes that oftentimes seems kind of harmless. Every one of the mistakes we're going to be talking about also we're hopefully we'll be able to kind of shadow this in as I talk. But a lot of our mistakes aren't just about other people. They also protect ourselves, help us feel more comfortable sometimes. So keep that in mind as we kick off this series called Stop Doing This To Volunteers: Top Mistakes Our Churches Are Making with mistake number one, not asking volunteers what they'd rather be doing. 

Yes, please hear that again. Mistake number one is not asking volunteers what they'd rather be doing. So let's say somebody is already serving they're doing well, maybe they've been doing it for a short time. Maybe they've been doing it for a long time. We get into this comfort mode of everybody's happy, everybody's comfortable. My life is easy because they're doing what they're supposed to be doing. And I'm telling you, I'm telling all of us, that mistake number one is not asking volunteers what they would rather be doing. By the end of this episode, you're going to be able to spot where somebody might be stuck or comfortable in long term familiarity, instead of a long term great fit. You'll be able to understand why preference us naming where we find more joy we would rather be doing things is not selfish. 

This is one of the reasons we don't ask these questions. We're going to talk about that. And another thing you're going to be able to do by this end of this episode is walk away with a simple question that could literally change somebody's ministry experience in not too much time at all. Okay, so here's what we do. Somebody says yes to serving. They start in the nursery, or maybe behind the sound board, or maybe they're greeting, or maybe they're in Children's Ministry, and then we never revisit it, ever. Maybe not even a specific ministry area, like Children's Ministry, maybe they've been in there, but maybe it's even a specific role, like teaching Sunday School. Maybe this is a person who helps with VBS, and that's all they've ever done, and we don't revisit it ever, like they've been there for five months or five years or ten years. And what we like to name this is, somebody who is faithful. We can count on them, but we never stop to ask them, Hey, would you rather do something else? Are you still in the right place? 

We assume that if people wanted to move, they would say something. But honestly, I believe deeper than that, we assume that if people are in the same role over and over again, we name it 'faithful'. We say faithful. We assume if they're still there serving, they must be fine. And here's another thing, we assume that if we open this conversation, we might lose them. That's where fear steps in. If we invite movement, if we give somebody an option, what if they don't want to do this anymore? What if we say, Hey, you're serving in Sunday School. Is there anything you'd rather be doing? And they're like, Yeah, I actually really would love to be on the worship team, and we just lost a Sunday School teacher, but did we really. What if they want to go somewhere else? 

Now, again, I'm calling out that this is a mistake. This is hands down, a mistake to not ask people where they would rather be serving or if they would rather do something else. One of the biggest reasons I believe we don't ask is exactly what I just mentioned. We're scared. We've got some fear. Now, here's a belief that I've definitely heard in a lot of churches, in a lot of ministry settings. And this goes back into maybe not asking people, because we feel like it's not godly to desire things or to prefer something like, if I'm truly faithful, I shouldn't care what I do. I hear this all the time. I heard it in our Facebook community this week, actually, if people are faithful, if they're following what God wants them to do, they shouldn't care where they serve. They should just show up and do it because it's needed, like, if somebody likes what they do or wants to try something different that it feels selfish, but I just want to slow down a little bit. God wired people with gifts, with interest, with energy, with curiosity. It's part of what makes us different and beautiful and amazing. Wanting to grow, or wanting to do different things, or even being open to exploring it. It's not a lack of faith, it's not a lack of commitment, it's not a lack of maturity. It's definitely not rebellion, wanting to explore something new. It's not disloyalty.

Laurie Graham  10:20 
Sometimes the most faithful thing somebody can do is to actually say, I think it's time for me to learn something new. We say that we want discipleship, that we want growth. People to grow in their faith and maturity. Can we just remember that growth requires movement. That's not optional. That's not just some little saying that's out there. Growth actually requires movement. If you think about growth in muscles, growth in our brain, growth in any type of maturity. It requires movement, it requires new experiences. I wonder what would happen in a church if we all gave everybody the freedom to do something they're excited to learn something different. I really believe this would open us up. It wouldn't leave us short. I think it literally would move us into more of a place of where God wants us to go as a church, if you believe that God's brought individuals into your church on purpose to be the family that he says we're supposed to be. Different parts, functioning differently, with different strengths and different challenges, and God wants us to grow. Then let's revisit this. 

When we leave people serving in one spot, and we never ask, what would you rather be doing again? Maybe out of fear, maybe out of a false spiritual belief that we should all just suck it up and keep going for the sake of the Call, you know, like, like, just keep pushing through that perseverance, which I believe in hard work. I believe in perseverance, but I also believe that God desires us to grow, and growth requires movement. So what if we just gave everybody like in our church to say, hey, what would you rather be doing? Wouldn't it be cool to see who fit where, who would rather be doing something else? 

You know, I serve with a volunteer in our community, just in our community, here in Tucson, not in a church in another place. And this gentleman, I have loved getting to know him so much. He was in like Federal Aviation. He is so intelligent, so smart. He's done so many technical things all his life. He is in his 60s now, and he said, I just figured out what I want to do for the rest of my life. He's been in a career that he was incredibly successful at, and he's finding that he loves the education program with children. He loves being part of a team that opens up children's curiosity in different ways to learn new things about science, about the environment, about, you know, all these things in our Creation, and He like, lights up. His eyes light up. And he loved his career. Can you imagine if all the people serving in our churches right now, faithfully serving, faithfully coming when they're supposed to come, all of our core volunteers, maybe they're new, or maybe they've been around forever. Can you imagine if they were serving in places that like lit them up? That's what we're talking about. 

When we never revisit roles, we create long term comfort instead of long term growth. I will say that again, when we never revisit roles. Give people an option of saying, what would you rather be doing? We create long term comfort instead of long term growth. We create been here, done that systems. We create ministry autopilot. And here's the thing, people want growth. Human beings, God designed us to love learning. We want significance. God designed us for that. We want to feel significant. We want to be significant. We want to matter. We also want to enjoy. We want to learn. We want to discover new things. We don't just want to survive our assignment. When somebody feels stuck, and I'm going to say, this isn't always the case, like sometimes if we are in a role and we've never been asked to do something different, or if we'd like to be doing something different. Sometimes there's a feeling of feeling stuck. I know there are people listening right now like, Yeah, I'm feel stuck in that role completely. 

But I also want to say sometimes, it just becomes comfortable and neutral. Sometimes it becomes negative, like we're serving out of obligation. So there's a continuum here, but when we don't ask the question, when nobody ever opens the door for conversation, there is a slow, like a disengagement. There is less excitement. There is that like moving into comfortable. If you wonder why so many churches will have this phrase, people talk about this all the time. This is the way we've always done that. Well, think about this. We've created that because we have not just left people in places where they want to serve. We've never opened the door to say, Hey, do you want to do something else? Because you know what happens when somebody new walks into a new position? There is a different edge, there is a different way, there is a different feeling, there is a different energy. We need to invite people into growth. 

So again, the mistake I'm unpacking today is the mistake of not asking people volunteers what they would rather be doing it again, a couple reasons we don't ask this question. One big one is fear. We're scared they're going to leave us we're going to be short handed. And I would like to say, what if that wasn't the case? What if this opened doors for new ministries, new excitement, new energy.

 Another big reason we don't ask is because we have a wrong belief that faithfulness means serving in one spot over and over again and never stepping out of it. What if we normalized the question, though, if you could try something new this year, what would it be if you caught that? I didn't say tomorrow, I didn't say if you could leave this position next week. What would you rather be doing. If you could try something new this year? What would it be? What about a question like this? Do you feel like you're still growing? What if we started asking questions like, what new things are you learning? We'd start discovering, what would you like to learn? What else would you like to learn? When I did Youth Ministry, I loved asking volunteers this, you know, Hey, Deb, you've been in this role of kind of being this relational person, you know, watching for the people who are kind of sitting on the sidelines. If you could have another role at our Youth Lock In or in our Youth Sunday School, what else would you like to try? If you are in Kids Ministry or Youth Ministry, you're going to know what I mean by this. You know the people that you would always call in to lead games or like Vacation Bible School. You know the people you would call automatically to lead the games, or to do the crafts, or to do the music, or to do the decorations. You know what happens when we say, Hey, I know you've done this role over and over again. What else would you want to try?

 Let's just shake these things up a little bit. These questions do not destabilize a church. They don't destabilize a ministry. These questions actually build trust. They build deeper relationships. They build newness and yes, occasionally somebody might say, Yeah, I think I'm done with this role. Thank you for asking this actually comes up with another mistake a little bit down in the series here. If somebody says, Yeah, I think I'm done with this, that's okay. In the church, we are not called to build lifetime assignments as individuals. 

We're called to steward ourselves 100% percent as people in the church body, we're also called to steward our friends, the people that we serve with, like, let's be good stewards. So many times when we talk about stewardship, we talk about money, like budgets. And I know that in many churches, stewardship is time, talents, and time, talents, and I can't remember the other thing, time, talents and money or something like that. I think that's in there. But time and talents, let's just take time and talents, even in those stewardship campaigns where I've seen that.

Laurie Graham  19:58 
It's usually about getting people to serve, getting that commitment up. But when I talk about stewarding people, stewarding each other, being good stewards of the gifts that God's put around us, let's not just look at hands and feet and time served. Let's look at how God wired us differently. How God wired us to love creativity, how God wired us to see things in new ways, how God wired us to want to grow, to want significance, growth. If you're one of the people who say we are here, you know, to build a church, to disciple people. Growth, discipleship and growth, it requires movement. Sometimes we're so afraid of losing coverage for volunteers that we forget that part of volunteering and serving what we're doing is shaping disciples that requires growth. 

We talk a lot about these concepts inside the Small Church Network, because growth doesn't happen by accident. Growth happens when we build rhythms that invite movement, instead of like just freezing people in place. Healthy churches revisit roles. Unhealthy churches, unhealthy systems, unhealthy ministry areas, we cling and we hold tightly, sometimes out of wrong beliefs, but often out of fear. 

So let me ask you something. When was the last time you asked someone where they actually would love to serve if they want to try something new, even if you're not the leader. Ask your friend. Ask the person serving coffee. Ask the Usher handing out the bulletin. Let's normalize this. When was the last time you asked somebody, where would you actually want to serve? Not where we need them, not can you help with this, but where do you want to grow. If you can't remember the last time you asked somebody where they'd actually like to serve, or if there's a new thing they want to learn, or where would they like to grow, that's a great starting point. And I just want to invite everybody listening to this episode do it this week. Ask somebody, anybody, if you're in charge of a team, ask your team. If you're the pastor, ask your leaders and your elders, what's something you want to learn? Where's something else? Where's another place where you might want to serve? The question the mistake we are talking about today is not asking volunteers what they would rather be doing. 

So go do it. Ask somebody what they'd rather be doing. We do not need more volunteers. I know sometimes it feels like we do. We need healthier conversations. Just because no one is stepping up or we feel a lack, it doesn't mean we need to panic. It certainly doesn't mean we need to lock people in place, because God is at work right now, and he doesn't need a backup plan. 

So this is the series, Stop Doing This To Volunteers: Top Mistakes Our Churches Are Making. Next week, we are tackling mistake number two, making their jobs easier for them. Yes, I am saying that is a mistake, that one's a little sneaky, because it feels really helpful, but it might be one of the top reasons people might not be stepping up or showing up the way that you wish they did. 

So if this stirred up something good in you that is awesome, please share it with a friend and leave a review of this podcast. It really helps people find us. So give us some stars, leave some comments. Can't wait to talk to you next week. 

We are just getting started, all right, until next week. Go be a light.