228: How to Get People to Step Up at Church (Without Asking for Volunteers)

At some point, we have to admit that recruiting isn’t fixing our volunteer problem. We keep planning … and then trying to get people to care about it afterward. And that’s where things break down.

But what if the real shift happens before anything is planned? When people are part of the process early, something changes. They don’t just hear the plan- they help shape it. And when that happens, ownership follows.

In this episode:

• Why ownership starts before the plan is finished
• The simple shift that moves people from the sidelines to the field
• What most of us miss when we try to “build buy-in”
• A different way to gather input that actually leads somewhere
• Why this works—and why it feels so different from typical planning

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Transcript

Laurie Graham  0:01 
Hey, welcome to the Small Church Ministry Podcast, where we help volunteers and ministry leaders experience less stress, more joy and greater impact as we share strategies that actually do work in smaller churches. I'm your host, Laurie Graham. let's dive in.

Laurie Graham  0:23 
Hey, hey, welcome back once again to the Small Church Ministry Podcast. Over the last couple episodes, we've been talking about volunteers, but maybe not in the typical way. We're not talking about how to get more people or how to recruit better. We're talking a little more about why people don't step in things that actually shape their experiences, that often is the thing that affects our yeses and nos much more than the actual need of a volunteer. 

We've talked about how this isn't really a numbers problem, how people aren't usually saying no or not serving because they're busy. It's more about our experiences, how it feels. And we even talked about how that isn't a selfish thing, but it's a human thing, and that loving people well and serving out of obedience don't have to be mutually exclusive. So we can do better at setting people up to succeed, to have great experiences. We want ministry to feel life giving. And if we're honest, we know that a lot of time it doesn't feel like that. So if these things are true, the question becomes, what does it actually look like to build something that people want to be part of that is life giving, not just to talk about it, but actually build something different—maybe even from the beginning—and not just in theory. Now this isn't a new idea, to bring people in early to build something together. 

A lot of times we feel like people don't want to be part of it. A lot of times we try it, it doesn't always land the way that we expect it to land. And then we continue with our normal flow of planning something, thinking it through, organizing it, and then looking for people to help. We ask we fill gaps, we step in when no one else does. Fewer people carry more than their share of a load, and over time, this becomes our normal in churches. We plan, then we try to get people to care about it afterwards, and that's where a lot of things start to break down. In this episode, we're talking about how to build teams without asking for volunteers. Like, can you even imagine a world where that could be true? I'm going to tell you, we've seen it, and it's possible. We're going to talk about how this has happened in multiple churches, many, many small churches, dozens of churches, with some things that we've been teaching over  the years. If you've heard us talk about planning parties before, if you've been around us for a while, you've probably heard it mentioned. We've done entire episodes on it. We're going to be unpacking some of the concepts in there. You've probably—if you've been around you've heard testimonies on it—you've seen churches talk about it. 

We're going a little more detailed, a little deeper in the concepts, so that more people can experience the success of what happens when we invite people in earlier, not asking for volunteers, but asking for inputs. Now, what we're really doing when we plan and then try to get people to care about it afterwards is we're inviting people into something that already exists, instead of inviting them into the process of creating it. And I want to talk about why this feels off for people, because if we pause and we look at this from the outside, it makes sense. It's not the way our church is run for the most part, but it totally makes sense to have this conversation. So if I'm not part of the initial conversation, if I didn't get to bring anything to the table, if my voice didn't matter, not that I felt like my voice didn't matter, but my voice really wasn't even asked for. Then stepping in later does not feel like ownership. It feels like helping. It feels like filling a spot. Now that's not always bad, but it definitely doesn't lend itself to wholehearted commitment. Most people in churches today are sitting on the sidelines. Now I want to say it's not because they don't care. The bigger reason is because they've never been brought onto the field, sitting on the sidelines instead of being invited on to the field. Now I don't think we do this intentionally. 

Most of the time, we've never realized what that experience would feel like from the other side. I talked about a bunch of shifts in a previous episode, and here's this shift. It is simple, but it changes everything. Buy in doesn't come after the plan. It comes before the plan. Now, 'buy in' is kind of a secular term. It's kind of like a business term. Do you have buy in? Do you feel ownership? But that phrase is so important when we feel like we're part of something—from the beginning—we made the decision to do this, we're invested in it. That is so different, and that's why, if you're listening to this podcast, you feel a lot of buy in for your church, for your ministry area, you are in it because you've been part of building it. We have got to be able to take ourselves out of our own experience to say, 'Oh, this is why I'm so committed.' 'This is why I'm so in it.' 'This is why I keep serving. Sometimes, over serving.' It's not because I care more. It's because I've been in it from the start. It's because I've been in the development of it. I've been part of the creation of it. I've been part of the continuance of it. And I know it sounds obvious when we say it out loud, but it's not how most of us have been taught to lead. 

We've been taught that the ministry team or the leadership or the elders or just us, because we're overcommitted, that we need to figure it out, and then bring people in after we've done the harder work or the bigger work, because they don't want to. And I want to tell you most, most times, that is not true. I've seen it because I've experienced it. I've led groups like this. What I'm going to be talking about in this podcast episode, this is not just something theoretical. This is something that we've seen boots put to the ground works in smaller churches time and time again, bringing people in before everything's decided. Because if people help shape it, they show up for it. Now, a lot of times we think they don't want to be part of that. We've asked them to help. Asking them to help is completely different, and it also matters how we set it up, and what the culture is. We're going to talk about that, not just asking for input, but honoring it. That's what most people have not experienced it, and I bet you know exactly what I'm talking about, because there have been times that you've been asked for input, nobody honored it. That is the typical experience people have in churches today, in businesses as well. This isn't just a church problem, businesses, schools, other nonprofits, but I'm telling you, if people help shape it, they show up for it. That's when something deeper starts to happen, not just involvement, but ownership. 

Okay, now I want to slow this part down just a little bit, because sometimes this is where we miss something really important. We can invite people in and still miss the point, because it's not just that we invite input, it's how we invite it, how we receive it. When it comes, people feel that immediately. When we're invited into something, we can tell if this is real or if something has already been decided, because sometimes being invited in for input is like camouflage for being asked to help. It's almost like that. I actually had a pastor tell me once that it's letting people think they're driving from the back of the bus, but really you're driving the bus now. He was saying that like this is a good thing. It lets people feel like they have buy in. I'm saying that's terrible and manipulative. I'm actually saying inviting people in to be part of the creation. Then when, when they actually share something? What happens next? Is it? Well, we've tried that before. Is it that probably won't work? Is it silence? Is it moving on? Is it disregarding it? Or is it that's interesting, truly. Tell me more about it, writing it down, hanging on to it. Let's come back to that, because those moments matter so much more than we think. 

People can tell the difference between being asked and being included, being invited and being honored. And I think this is a place where we really have got to be gut level honest, because we say that we believe that everyone matters, that everyone has something to bring, that the church is a body, that everyone is valuable, that not just a few people should lead everything, but then sometimes we build our ministries and our systems in a way that don't reflect that. If every voice really matters, aren't we called to listen, to value it, to honor it, to not just disregard it, but figure out where it fits. Because we don't always build things in ways that shows. And this is really the beginning of this huge, incredible shift. It's not just because we changed the plan or we offered a program or we threw a planning party, okay? It's not just about hosting this. It's because we're changing the environment. When people walk into a space where their ideas are actually invited and heard—where nothing gets shut down in the moment, where what they bring is treated with care—something in us relaxes. It's really setting up an environment of safety and of honor. When we don't feel like we have to prove something, when we don't feel like we're being evaluated, when we don't feel like we are in quotes 'just a volunteer,' we feel like We matter. When people feel honored and they are honored, they stay engaged.

When people feel overlooked, even quietly, they step back again. This isn't just a church thing. This is a family thing. This is a human thing. When people consistently feel safe and valued, valued, they contribute more. When they don't, they withdraw. I'm going to say it again, because that word consistently is so important. When people are invited in once for input that is not consistency. As a church, as ministry teams, as leaders, as fellow volunteers, something happens when we build trust. Trust happens with consistency. If people say no initially, if they shut down initially, there's a reason for that. If they don't want to share their ideas initially, there's a reason for that. Go back and listen to the last couple episodes about people's experiences again, I'm not surprised when people don't show up. I'm surprised when they do.

Laurie Graham  13:38 
I think we have all had more negative experiences than positive, and that lends us to or leads us to, or where we can lean into that experience and say, 'Well, we have a lot of reason to say no,' because we have been abused, because we have been hurt, because we have been treated unfairly, because there have been so many things improper and wrong, systems and otherwise that have happened when we've said yes, it's more natural to say no. So if people initially say no or maybe they're not as open as you wish they were, the layer I want to add here is the our consistency in showing up, listening and honoring people. I'm gonna go back and say that statement again. When people consistently feel safe and valued, they contribute more. When they don't consistently feel safe and valued, they withdraw.

Laurie Graham  14:39 
If you're not picturing this in your own life and your own experiences and service, I bet you can think of people around you, friends, family members, fellow volunteers, that you've seen them withdraw because they haven't felt safe and valued. Okay, let's change that. People don't withdraw because they don't care. They withdraw because they feel like this is a place where they don't really belong. 

So instead, okay, instead of planning everything, finalizing everything, and asking people to help, which I hope you can see that minimizes them. We start earlier. We create space where people can bring ideas, share perspective, see what others are thinking, build on what's already there, and we stay in that space long enough for something shared to emerge, whether it's just consistently over time, we're changing our culture. We're creating more spaces like this—not just a one and done planning party—but we're creating spaces consistently where people can bring ideas, share perspectives, hear what others are thinking, honor each other. It's not perfect. It doesn't need to be polished, but it's real. And from there, it's no longer about convincing people to help or recruiting. Please hear that. 

When we create spaces like this, we start noticing, we start seeing where people are naturally leaning in, where they feel invested, where they feel heard, where they feel ownership. Because ownership doesn't have to be forced. In fact, usually that's a really negative way to do it. Ownership is already there. It just has to be recognized and developed and brought to the surface. When this starts happening, a bunch of things change. Number one, you are not carrying everything alone anymore. Sometimes it's shocking, sometimes it's unusual. Sometimes we don't accept it because it feels so foreign. But you, or your core volunteers, who hold everything, aren't carrying it alone. Another thing that starts changing is people don't wait as much to be asked. They're literally in it that initial momentum. It's more natural, it's more organic. Ministry starts to feel more shared. It's more relational, it's more connected. It's really beautiful. And honestly, ministry starts to feel more like what we say we want it to be life giving energy. Like it has a momentum on its own. Spirit-led. 

Now, if you've ever tried to shift this like you see where I'm going, you hear what I'm talking about. Maybe you've been part of of different ministry moments that have felt more organic. If you've ever been part of this or tried to shift this—you probably already know it's not necessarily complicated—but it's really different. It can feel uncomfortable because it's really different. It's a different way of inviting people in. It's a different way of, you know, just organizing the room. It's a different way of actually listening and building something together. I have seen what happens when this clicks, not just once, not just twice, but over and over again. We've seen it in our communities here, churches walking away with full calendars, people stepping into roles right there, in the room in front of other people without even being asked, leaders realizing they don't have to do it anymore, and this actually can work, that ministry can be different, that it can be lighter, that can be more shared, that sometimes it can be less and be more effective. It's such a beautiful thing, because ownership changes everything about how ministry feels. That's why we have been taking time to actually build something around this, not to make it more complicated, but to make it easier. So if you are listening and thinking, 'Okay, I want this.' I' don't want to keep planning alone.' 'I don't want to keep asking people to step into something that they didn't build.' 'I don't want to keep struggling with this recruiting issue, and I don't want to keep doing ministry in the way I'm doing it.' 

If you just want a little more around this, I'm hosting a free training called from input to ownership, where I'm walking through existing. Exactly how to do this in your church or in your ministry area, or with the team that you're serving with or you want to be serving with. I'm walking through a simple structure behind it so that you don't have to figure it all out on your own, and if you want to take it further, I've also put together a full planning party system that walks you through it step by step. Okay. Now, if you've heard about our planning parties before, you're probably jumping up and down saying 'Hallelujah,' because usually when people ask about these planning parties that we do, I send them to different blog posts and testimony pages, and we have not had the capacity to put together a step by step system until now. In fact, I've been a little scared to talk about it, because I tend to have big ideas, and then it takes longer to create them than I do, but it's time, and it's here now. So if you're listening live, it's happening on May 16. 

There's a link in the show notes to get your to reserve a spot at the free training. It is virtual. You can come from anywhere in the world, as long as you've got internet. So grab that link in the show notes to reserve your spot if you are listening later and you're like, 'No, I missed it.' You didn't miss it. We are planning to record the training and packaging it along with some other resources that go along with it, and it'll be available on our resource page. So this is something that is going to be evergreen with us. We've had way too much success stories and testimonials from churches who've used this process. So we want to make it as available and easy and customizable as possible. So just watch for that. If you are, if you are listening live, join us at the free training, reserve your spot with the link in the show notes. 

So before we go today, I want you to consider just think of your ministry experience, whether you're a volunteer, a leader or a pastor. You know how you grew up in the church, what you saw, what your experiences have been throughout, when you volunteered, when you've served, maybe you're in a paid position. What have you seen at other churches? What's been the healthiest experiences you've had? Can you remember some of the times when it was harder, when it was a little trying, when there were some relational things going on that maybe were uncomfortable, maybe times when expectations were really clear or they were not. You know, as we're building teams, as we're inviting other people to be part of things that we're excited about, I think it's so important to remember our own experiences, because they've shaped how we feel about church now, how we grew up, what parents or guardians may have said, what other pastors have said, how we've done with other teams, that we've served with other people. And just keep in mind that we all have something to bring to the table, the experience you had may not be the experience someone else has had. 

So let's serve with grace, with empathy, with compassion, with curiosity. Let's invite people to be part of things from the start, not just to be helpers. Let's try to erase some of the judgment that we have some time over other people being less committed or having different priorities than us, or not wanting to serve or being too busy. I know from experience that ministry is not always easy. It's not always fun, but I really do believe that God wants it to be a whole lot more life giving than some of the patterns that we've sunk into. It's not always about doing more. A lot of times it's about doing less and doing it with more purpose. So enjoy ministry this week. And also, you know, I close every podcast episode, or usually with with my phrase of be a light. You know, we weren't just called to be the church on Sunday mornings. So often in our modern churches today, we put so much emphasis on a program on Sunday mornings or on Wednesday nights or in between, we've over programmed ministry. Being a light in the world is every day. It's 24/7, it doesn't need to be exhausting. Being a light is also about receiving.

Laurie Graham  24:29 
It's about receiving what God has for us. He loves you. He loves you tons. We love you too. You're not alone. Whatever you're doing, let's just keep doing better together. We're excited to be here. Thanks for taking the time to listen to this podcast episode. We're here to serve people in small churches all over the world. We're glad you're here. All right, until next week, be a light.