Judging Judgements

In this insightful episode of Pagan Coffee Talk, hosts Oswald and Lord Night dive deep into the art of making better judgments, navigating emotional responses, and resolving conflicts in personal relationships. From handling disagreements with spouses or family members to offering advice without taking sides, this episode offers practical guidance for self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and ethical decision-making. Learn how to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, examine situations from multiple angles, and manage high-emotion conflicts with calm and clarity.

Whether you're a beginner in meditation or practicing advanced spiritual work, this discussion highlights how daily reflection, meditation, and self-knowledge empower you to make wiser choices. Packed with real-life examples, humor, and practical advice, this episode is perfect for anyone seeking guidance on conflict resolution, personal growth, shadow work, and improving interpersonal relationships.

Join us on
Discord:  https://discord.gg/MdcMwqUjPZ
Facebook: (7) Life Temple and Seminary | Facebook

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:35

Welcome to Peggy Coffee Talk. Here are your hosts, Oswald and Lord Knight. Today we are keeping the dog occupied with uh toy treats, and you'll probably hear that rolling around in the background, but that's okay. Just a heads up. And today's topic is going to be dogs. How to make judgments. Now this is a yeah, this is not like encouraging people to be judgmental, but it's like if you're having to make a judgment about a situation, how would you go about making that final decision?

SPEAKER_01 1:26

You're you're talking about like that judgment third degrees have to make sometimes. Yes. Okay. No, I know what you're saying. You're giving advice over arguments and disagreements.

SPEAKER_02 1:41

Right. All right. Yeah, so uh just putting some information out there on how to how to make better judgments, not whether the judgments are gonna be right or wrong. Just how to make a better judgment on a situation or yeah, how to how to give advice.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

Yeah, no, that's fine. Um well let's start with, you know, uh normally when you're dealing with this type of thing, there's normally two people involved.

unknown 2:07

All right.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

Normally. Normally, it's normally two people, possibly a couple or whatever. One of the things you gotta remember is when you're hearing only from one person, you only hear them one side of the story.

SPEAKER_02 2:21

Right, and you can't really do anything with that.

SPEAKER_01 2:24

No. But when you're sitting there counsel counseling and talking to people and they got problem, I mean, people's got problems. They come to people of the priesthood to get answers to their problems or to find ways to deal with them. Sure they do. It's it's part of what we do. Yeah, we have to give answers. Well, normally when I'm dealing with one person that comes to me and they're complaining about whatever. First of all, what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna start trying to put myself into the feet of the other person that they're talking about. Okay. All right, because normally how this goes is the person will show up and they'll go, Well, you know, my boyfriend did this or my boyfriend did that, and this is how that conversation went. Then I said this, and then I told him if he wasn't gonna do that, well, then he could just go himself and make his own damn dinner. I mean, this is normally how it goes.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:22

All right. So you gotta sit back as a in this field and look at these people going, okay, what could have been going on here? Could this person have had a bad day at work and you just bombarded them and they just went off the deep end? You know, could they have just had a bad drive home?

unknown 3:38

Right.

SPEAKER_01 3:38

Could they just be in a bad mood? Could they have been listening to the radio and a news come up and just ruined his day? You don't know.

SPEAKER_02 3:47

No, you don't.

SPEAKER_01 3:48

You know, could there have been something about the situation itself that could have reflected back to something when they were younger? Normally when you're in the middle of a heated debate That's a polite way to put it. Okay, when you're sitting there with your other half screaming, yelling, throwing stuff, you're not thinking rationally. You're not sitting there going, well, you know, could their feet be hurting? Could they just be in pain? Right. You know, I mean because I admit, you know, I have some some aches and pains.

SPEAKER_03 4:30

Right.

SPEAKER_01 4:32

Some and I'm sorry, after a couple of days of dealing with it, maybe not having a medication or not quite working like it's supposed to, I can be a little short at times. What? And it has nothing to do with the person I might be yelling at at times. Right. They just they're just a, you know, a convenient person I can go off on.

unknown 5:01

Right.

SPEAKER_02 5:02

Just happen to be there.

SPEAKER_01 5:03

Just happen to be there. But no, when this stuff happens, the person on the other end goes, Well, could they just be having a bad day and I just happen to be their whipping boy for for today. Nobody thinks like that. Oh no, of course not. But when you're sitting there as a priest or a priestess and you're listening to, these are some of the things you've got to sit back and start to think about. You have to think of what the other side of the conversation is going to be and start talking to these people, because normally what I'll do is, you know, well, why did you feel that way? And this is an actual serious question, you know. Well, my husband made me dinner, but it wasn't, you know, even though I laid all the stuff out and I was planning on making this dinner, he decided to try to be nice and do it for me, and he didn't cook it right. Because I'm an idiot and I didn't write down all the instructions that my husband has to use. So he didn't do it in this specific order, which makes it not taste as good.

SPEAKER_02 6:03

Right. So you're you're basically asking questions just to get to the root of the problem.

SPEAKER_01 6:09

Right. I mean, and I know this sounds everybody's sitting here laughing, but I d I can see where this could cause an argument. Where it's, well, yeah, you should have done this and this. You know, I've cooked this over a thousand times. You've seen me do it. And I see the other person sit there going, I don't pay attention to you when you're cooking at all.

unknown 6:28

Right.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

I'm sitting here having a conversation with you about my day. I I barely registered the fact that you actually have a frying pan in your hand.

SPEAKER_02 6:40

Much unless what order you're doing things in.

SPEAKER_01 6:42

You said no husband in the world to any wife. You know, except for the simple fact of I'm really not paying attention to what in the world you're doing. I'm still wrapped up in what in the world happened at work.

SPEAKER_02 6:56

Right. I'm I'm trying to vent.

SPEAKER_01 6:59

Uh yeah, I'm trying to vent. And normally, you know, so you I can see where a husband would come home, come in the door, and the wife hit him with something off the bat, which causes the big to-do things, even though we did have that book growing up, what is that? Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Right. You know, but these are the things you got to think about when you're actually ha hearing these conversations. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 7:25

Right. So you uh especially if you don't have the other party involved there to get, you know, get their side of things, you have to kind of examine the situation from a different point of view.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

Right. I mean, and then you gotta also ask your question, you know, was this an appropriate level of emotional response to this? Wow, that's that's a tough question. That's a tough question. Because we all do it, we all sometimes give reactions in certain situations, it's not the appropriate response or attitude to have at the time. Right. It happens. You you lose control, it just happens to be that last straw, and you lose it. Well, in that time you're not thinking rationally or logically or whatsoever. When you're appreciating you gotta get people you gotta talk people off that ledge sometimes. So you have to ask them, okay, so why does this upset you so much? They said this. They said I was a floozy. Okay, why are you getting upset because somebody called you a floozy?

SPEAKER_02 8:38

Right. We covered that in another podcast as well. Why are you letting that affect you?

SPEAKER_01 8:44

Why are you letting that affect you so much? But you know, why this particular phrase and not being called a slut or a whore?

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Right. What's wrong with floozy? Yeah, I mean it could have been so much worse.

SPEAKER_01 8:59

Yeah, you know, or or is it because you are a floozy? Are you I mean, again, are you mad because somebody actually just called you out on your bullshit? Right. So this has to be a question you actually have to get around to asking. You've got to be a little bit textful. Well, why did it make you feel that way? How did that make you feel? You know? And how would it made you feel if he would have came if he would have came in and instead of instead of being bombarded by you, was able to look at you going, you know, my my boss just chewed me out over this. That wasn't my fault.

SPEAKER_02 9:37

How's that gonna change your reactions to the conversation?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

How's that gonna change your reactions to the conversation? You're mad because he exploded on you walking in there, but Bob screwed up at work and blamed him. Right. And blamed Ted. Now Ted's sitting at home with his wife, and they're like throwing knives at each other because the wife came here. Well, did you not pick that up at the grocery store on the way? And now I can't cook dinner. Blah, blah, blah. At no time did anybody could sit there and go, okay, why are you yelling at me because I didn't go to the grocery store? Well, why did you forget to go to the grocery store? Because I had this upsetting thing that happened to me right before I left work. But that ain't that ain't the way we have a conversation, now, is it?

SPEAKER_02 10:20

No. No. If you haven't if you're having conversations like that, you're the exception.

SPEAKER_01 10:25

Oh god, yes. You know, normally how this goes is you come in for work, you've had a bad day, your wife gets on your case, you snap at your wife, you go storming off into the basement and have a beer and calm down. Right. She's upstairs still plotting your death for the next two weeks.

SPEAKER_02 10:44

Right, slamming pots and pans around and then the guy goes back slamming doors and doing whatever else.

SPEAKER_01 10:50

Then the guy comes back, then the husband normally comes back up and tries to make peace, but the wife ain't hearing it.

SPEAKER_02 10:57

And before anybody says anything, we're not being chauvinistic. It's a stereotypical situation. It could apply to the other way around and it could apply to same-sex couples.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Typically, you know, well, I'd say I can't say nothing. I personally I think we ought to have uh that spouses that work less than or work only uh twenty hours or less. I think the other and the one spouse works full-time, that the full-time spouse should be able to claim the part-time spouse, you know, the spouse working part-time at minimum as a dependent like a kid. Oh, absolutely. You know, if they're not working at all, they get to claim everything.

SPEAKER_02 11:41

Anyway, that's a little off topic.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

A little off topic, but you know, that's beside the point because I believe one per one spouse should possibly have to stay home, you know, at times. Right. Um but again, this is normally how these conversations go. And what you have to do is get people to understand, okay, first of all, was your emotional response warded? Because we can't talk about the other person because they're not there. You can only talk to the individual that's there. Right. And at no point can we ever agree with either side. Oh, absolutely not. Because we don't know if they're right or wrong. People seem to have this idea that m morality and ethics wind you up with a specific answer. Morality and the correct answer is some spot off in the distance during sunrise and you're staring at it.

SPEAKER_02 12:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 12:40

You're not gonna find excuse me, as a fly in the distance at the horizon while you're staring in the sun, you're never gonna see the fly. No. It ain't gonna happen. That's ethics and morals. None of us really know what's wrong or right. We can just say, okay, we know if we do these behaviors, typically a society can get along with one another. Right. You know, not everybody. You can never make anybody one hundred percent wrong or right. You ain't gonna ever make anybody one hundred percent happy all the time.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

No. But pissing people off is gonna be a lot easier.

SPEAKER_01 13:20

Uh y you're right. No, I mean, because I hate to be this way. Uh I'm sorry. If you're a priest or a priestess and you haven't learned the fact that no matter what in the world you do, you're damned if you do and damned if you don't. Yep. All right? If you if you don't give the right info or whatever, they're gonna come back and get you. If you do get it, they're still gonna come back and bitch at you. No matter what in the world you do, you're wrong.

SPEAKER_02 13:48

Yep. And the sooner you realize that, the better off you're gonna be.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Because it's a catch 22. No matter what in the world you do, you're screwed.

SPEAKER_02 13:56

Oh, absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 13:58

I mean, am I making any sense there that to make a judgment on stuff, you have to listen to both sides. The majority of the time, both sides are wrong. The truth really lies somewhere in the middle. Oh no, there's an interesting topic. All right. Again, this balance that's somewhere in between what she said and he said is the truth.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

Right. Now, you know, it's it's quite possible that one person could have more of the truth on their side than the other. But again, you you have to remember that, and this is coming from a first degree perspective, you you still have to remember that they were still having a situation where they were both so full of rage.

SPEAKER_03 14:44

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

And emotions were high, and all of this other stuff going on, they needed somebody to mediate.

SPEAKER_01 14:54

Right. And uh and I'm still back to again, if you're A, if you are doing your meditations, daily meditations. Right. All right, and you're getting to know yourself and you're dealing with your issues, it's still gonna take some time. You're still gonna have to navigate this. You're not gonna be that peaceful monk, you know, sitting on a rock that nobody can bother no matter what.

SPEAKER_02 15:20

Oh no, no.

SPEAKER_01 15:21

That takes time.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

A lot, a lot of time.

SPEAKER_01 15:25

A lot of time. All right. Until you have to sit down and figure out how to put yourself into a meditative state while in the middle of a casino when there's all sorts of noise going on, you you're never going to be able to achieve just achieve it by sitting at home. I don't know. It's not gonna happen. But uh when communicating with people, I mean, because uh there's certain things there. Okay, first of all, if you initially meet somebody and you don't like them, nine times out of ten, there's gonna be something about that person that you don't like because you recognize it in yourself.

SPEAKER_02 16:03

You know, that was a hard lesson for me to learn. Right. But I've I found it to be very true.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

It is.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

It is very true.

SPEAKER_01 16:12

You know, we normally don't like the people that basically have the same bad qualities we don't like about ourselves because they're on display.

SPEAKER_02 16:21

And you know, I can't tell you how many times that light bulb's gone off for other people when either you or I have said that to them and they sat down and they actually thought about it and they were like, oh, oh no. No, that can't be right. No, no.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

Well, it it it is.

SPEAKER_01 16:38

It's true. It's true. I mean, and even then it's kind of like that argument. You know, when you get down to it, it's you not knowing yourself.

SPEAKER_02 16:46

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. We're we're back to the old adage, know thyself.

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Right. I mean, again, especially when you're dealing with family members and spouses and stuff like that, it's easier because these people are supposed to love you no matter what. Right. No, never go to bed mad, just go to bed. I also like the whole entire thing. If you're gonna argue, you have to argue naked.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:13

I I mean I like these things because it breaks the normal congruence. So and if you're always arguing why naked, try doing it with your clothes on then. Right. Change it up a little bit. See how arguing, go out in public.

SPEAKER_02 17:30

Yeah, see how fast you shut up then.

SPEAKER_01 17:32

See how fast you shut up and start actually listening to one another. And don't get me wrong, there's some people out in public that'll do that. You know, if you're gonna argue, if y'all get mad at each other, look at each other and just go, I'm getting mad, I'm walking off.

SPEAKER_02 17:47

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:48

Agree to where in the world y'all can again, like the safety word. If you're getting too emotionally mad, you should be able to look at them and go, snarries. Right. And then as long whoever says snalls berries first, everybody that stops it. Y'all just stop talking.

SPEAKER_02 18:06

Right. It stops everything, and you go your separate ways for a little while. And cool off. Right. Cool off. That's the whole idea. Cool off.

SPEAKER_01 18:16

Cool off. All right. And people keep on looking at everybody going like you've lost your mind, or stuff like that, and but yet nobody ever wants to do the work.

SPEAKER_02 18:29

No.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

You know, the more you know yourself, the more you understand, okay. The reason I always get upset because of meatloaf, because we happen to be having a meatloaf when I found out my dog died. Right. Compared to, no, I don't like strawberries because you know what? Every time I've eaten strawberries, I keep on getting sick.

unknown 18:49

Right.

SPEAKER_01 18:50

I don't think it could be that you ate a bucket of them.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Well, either way, I mean, either way, there's a difference. One's a physical reaction, one is a mental trauma. Right. Either way, you gotta know the root of the problem.

SPEAKER_01 19:05

You gotta know the root of the problem. You know, quit eating that many, you know, that's more of a question of self-control. If you cannot control yourself that you can't stop eating a um bucket of strawberries before you get sick. Right. Like, hello, let's use it. See, I can't say nothing when I was a kid and I'd I'd collect up the blackberries for grandma. Yeah. You sort of lose track of how many of the blackberries you ate instead of putting into the Well, yeah. But there's a difference when you're what, six, seven years old doing that.

SPEAKER_02 19:44

Right, and when you're 20. When you're 20, something like that.

SPEAKER_01 19:51

But again, I mean, if you're asking yourself, you know, why you suddenly become completely emotional over something, normally there's a trauma there that you're just not looking at that you associate with this event or think. Right. And it's again, everybody's problems are normally caused by themselves. Your problems are your problems, not my problems.

SPEAKER_02 20:15

Right. That's well, I mean, I know at Life Temple that's that's one of our core teachings.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

Right.

SPEAKER_02 20:21

You've you've got it's not just being responsible for yourself. It's if you've got an issue, it's most likely your fault.

SPEAKER_01 20:29

Right. If you're stressed, I mean I'm I can understand, okay, you know, I got a loved one in the hospital, whatever, and I'm stressed out over all that, and but again, this is where your meditation comes in. Right. It gives you a chance to deal with that stress in a more productive way. To sort of realize, okay, you know, there are just some things that are just out of our hands.

SPEAKER_02 20:51

Right. I mean, it wasn't that long ago that my mom was in the hospital and she was septic, and you know, she she would get better for a little bit and then she'd get worse, and you know, I was still having to work, I was still having, you know, I still had church duties. Um, I you know, I still had all this other stuff that I had to take care of. And if it hadn't been for my daily meditations, if it hadn't been for knowing myself and you know, knowing how to deal with my emotions, I never would have gotten anything done.

SPEAKER_01 21:21

But yet, you know, I keep on seeing people, oh no, no, no, you ain't gotta do with this, because you're not gonna do it anyway. Instead of just encouraging people, hey, look, five minutes is better than no minutes on the whole meditation thing.

SPEAKER_02 21:34

Oh, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Quit looking at it. I didn't I did not do my two hour meditation. Don't do two hours, just do 45 minutes. Do fifteen minutes. Do fifteen minutes, do thirty, do something. All right, and I I'm sorry, if you can't if your your social life is more important than your spiritual life, then don't come complaining to me when you don't do your meditation. You've made a choice that this is more important than that. Alright? Again, this is not my problem. This ain't even a problem. You made a choice. But yeah, people will come to me going, Well, I can't meditate. Well, you can't meditate because you can't put the damn phone down. You think Twitter's the real life.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Go back and review them.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

But again, there's this whole entire part of this, yes, you you have to know yourself. I know when I'm getting in a bad mood. Do you know when you're getting in a bad mood?

SPEAKER_02 22:40

Yeah, I can usually tell.

SPEAKER_01 22:42

You can tell ahead of time.

SPEAKER_02 22:43

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 22:45

But you start when those happens, we normally try to do stuff that changes us from a bad mood back into a good mood. Right. You know, because you're you're actually seeing it, but to let it continue is nuts. You know, how to deal with it or how not to deal with it, that really depends on the person. There's no correct way.

SPEAKER_02 23:08

Right. And you know, and people are gonna say, I and I can hear the questions now, what's this got to do with making judgment calls? Well, it's got everything to do with it because you've got to keep yourself in that frame of mind. You've got to have that balance before you can make a judgment on anything.

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Well, you've got to have a level head. You've got to see your imperfections and how you saw your imperfections so you can teach other people how to see their own imperfections and make changes in their lives.

unknown 23:40

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:41

It's great that you want to do quote unquote shadow work, all right, as much as I hate that damn term. I think we fit it that needs to be slapped repeatedly. But not doing it isn't helping. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 23:59

No, it's it it's vital to just about everything you do.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Right. And again, if you can explain to somebody else how you came to these conclusions and how you figured out your problems, not how to figure out their problems, it makes you a wiser person to and to think of things that they might not have. Right. You know, when we sit there and say put yourself in somebody else's shoes, literally try to do it. Take a moment, look at them, look at somebody, go, okay, let me meditate on this and I'll give you back an answer. It's it's kind of like the old joke. And I'm probably gonna get in trouble for this. Lord Minn used to tell me, this guy, this Jewish guy had Parkinson, he had just a little bit. Every morning he'd get up, make himself some toast, put some butter on it. As soon as he gets the butter on it, the toast would fall out of his hand, hit the floor, always butterside down. So he goes to his rabbi and goes, Rabbi, I got this problem. Every morning, I butter my toast, I drop the toast, it hits the crown, butter side down. What'd I do to fix this problem? Rabbi goes, tell you what, next time you come to temple, ask me again. I'll have you an answer then. Stable answer for every priest and priestess out there.

SPEAKER_02 25:16

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:16

Let me meditate on it, I'll come back, I'll get back to you. So next time at temple, the guy walks up to him and goes, Okay, Rabbi, not my problem. He's like, I finally figured it out. You're buttering the wrong side of your bread. But people don't understand. The reason this joke's so funny to us is this is the way priests and priestesses have to think. Right. And I know that sounds weird. We have to think, okay, could it be that you're just buttering the wrong side of your bread? Are you asking for the wrong thing? So you've got to be able to break yourself out of your normal way of thinking and think a bunch of different ways.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Right. You've got to examine the situation from many different angles.

SPEAKER_01 26:02

Many different angles. And angles you normally wouldn't think about.

unknown 26:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:06

So you've got to be careful not to get stuck in one logic of thinking. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 26:14

Right, and you also can't get stuck in that he said, she said shit.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Right. You get too bogged down in karma. If you believe in karma and you follow it, you start getting too bogged down into this stuff, you'll start to understand no matter what in the world you do, you're gonna harm somebody. There are situations, no matter what in the world, you're gonna harm somebody, which is gonna cause karma, which is gonna cause you to drop in status, to have to go live a worser life in your next life, which will make it even harder for you to make good choices to move back up. Right. This system that we have is the same system I keep on seeing people do in these type of situations. Yes, we want to agree with our friends. We want to sit there and look at Sally going, No, your husband really is a dick for doing that. The fact that you live in a three-bedroom house with two cars and you know, a maid, and you don't have to work and you homeschool your kids, and you'll still go to Disneyland every year has nothing to do with it whatsoever.

SPEAKER_02 27:19

Mm-mm.

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Not a thing. Because again, you do. You as a priest or something, people will come to you and do this. And I have to admit, my instinct when I first hear this stuff, it's kind of like, what do you got to complain about? You know, compared to my life, your life's a great.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

Right.

SPEAKER_01 27:36

When was the last time you had to stand in a food bank? Uh Right. You know, uh but you can't but as a priest, I can't sit there and tell people that. I gotta look at them and go, Well, I I under because I understand to that person, this is a significant problem to them. Well, to me it might look childish and stupid, but if you if you're upset enough to where in the world you have to go seek out counsel from a priest or a priestess, my assumption is is this to you has become this big ass problem.

SPEAKER_02 28:11

Right. And good for you for seeking out help.

SPEAKER_01 28:14

And good for you for seeking out help when you couldn't. Yes, the answer you might get is meditate for two days and calm me in the morning.

SPEAKER_02 28:23

It might be, but you know what? Do it. Do it. Do it, come back and talk to us, and you never know what you might figure out.

SPEAKER_01 28:32

You know, when I well when we sit there and tell you, okay, well, go home, I want you to go home and I rewon I want you to re write down the event and read it back to yourself.

SPEAKER_03 28:42

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 28:43

And tell me if you believe you're right. Because again, you gotta remember, the job there is for us not to make a judgment, but to get the people we're counseling to make a judgment.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

And see, that's where I wanted to go with this whole conversation.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

So we gotta go through all of this just to get y'all to realize, okay, it's your problem, you can fix it, but you're gonna have to make that judgment, not me.

SPEAKER_02 29:15

Right. And if somebody comes to you with this whole situation type thing, this is what you do. Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:22

Because again, my thought there is a, first of all, if they're gonna come to me, this means A, they feel guilty enough about the conversation, so there's a might be a little bit of guilt there to where we can get them to realize, no, you're not completely wrong. But you're not completely right, and you have to concede those points.

SPEAKER_02 29:39

Right.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

You know, you might have to look at your husband and go, okay, truth, when you come home from work, we will not discuss nothing for the first 30 minutes, other than hi, how are you, love you, kiss, bye.

SPEAKER_02 29:54

Right. Give that person coming home from work, give them time to decompress a little bit. And then Hey, honey, how was your day?

SPEAKER_01 30:03

Don't be like a dog right up on them going, hey, yuh, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. I mean, if that's what you got, I mean, don't get me wrong, not everybody's the same. Some people can come home, to drive home from work, it's enough for them to decompress, and they can just come in and do whatever. Right. But I keep on seeing too many people trying to do cookie-cutter solutions where more individuality needs to be taken into account when talking to these people and trying to figure out how to get them to figure out their problems to make a decision.

SPEAKER_02 30:41

Right. Which that's that I mean, that's the key to this whole thing, is you've got to examine enough angles and ask the right questions or ask enough questions to get those people involved to realize I have my own answers.

SPEAKER_01 31:00

Right. Because again, the majority of the times these people are going to come to you and they want you to validate their side of the argument. Their side of the problem.

SPEAKER_02 31:09

Which you can't do.

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Which we can't do because if there's a problem there, they made their own problem. Whatever they're mad about, it's them doing it to themselves.

SPEAKER_02 31:21

Right. But then again, if if you've if you're validating one side of that argument or the other, then you are getting yourself dragged to the argument and you're not helping the situation.

SPEAKER_01 31:35

But you're no longer counseling, you're being a friend.

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

But a friend will sit there and go, I can't believe he cheated on her. No, no, no. Let's go, let's go right now. Uh-huh, uh-huh. That's why there is a song out there. Yeah, I broke the windows in your car.

SPEAKER_03 31:54

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:55

There's a reason that song's there. I mean, you know, just like you know, there's a reason there's songs about gold diggers. They exist. You have to think about these things. You have to think about the stuff that other people don't want to think about.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 32:13

You know? Why is he cheating on you?

SPEAKER_02 32:17

So basically what it boils down to is with if you've got one or maybe you wind up with both sides, both both, you know, both parties coming to you and talking this out, ask them questions about how it makes them feel. Right. Ask them questions about their view of the situation, get them to sit down and actually think about what's going on, and you get them to make the judgments.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

Well, you see, normally how this goes, especially when I'm doing it, it's how did you feel? Okay, why did you feel that? And normally I'll get that silent thing for a moment. Okay, well, in in other words, why did you feel sad instead of happy?

SPEAKER_02 32:59

Right.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

I mean, and again, you know, normally I'll go to something completely absurd, right? You know, you're in the middle of an argument, yes, I expect you to get mad. Okay, why did you get mad? And why why didn't you just get happy or just start laughing hilariously?

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Right.

SPEAKER_01 33:16

I mean, they're still valid emotions. Why this one over all the other ones?

SPEAKER_03 33:21

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

I mean, the good thing about asking that question is again, people realize, okay, I'm react I'm having this emotion over this, and yeah, it really is stupid, but it's it why am I taking this so serious?

SPEAKER_02 33:36

Well, and honestly, this is why we encourage, especially those going for second and third degrees, we encourage them to go visit with a counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist. Sit down with these people, examine what it is they're doing. You know, go to go to them, you know, with some type of issue, but put them under the microscope. Examine what they're doing and how they're doing it.

SPEAKER_01 34:06

Right. Yes. Uh you're technically, yes, we're saying go have your insurance pay for you a session or two at the local therapist.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:17

In the attempts to learn how to become a psychologist.

unknown 34:22

Right.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Or at least hear how in the world they do it. I know it sounds weird, but it does sometimes help, and it does help when you actually sit there and listen to some of these theories and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Definitely. And do some of this research. Well, I think that's about it for this. What do you think?

SPEAKER_02 34:42

I d I believe so. I d that took that went exactly where I wanted it to go.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

So I'm glad I've been so accommodating to you. All right, we'll see you next week. I'm out of coffee. All right. Bye. Bye.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

Thanks for listening. Join us next week for another episode. Peg and Coffee Talk is brought to you by Life Temple and Seminary. Please visit us at Life TempleSeminary.org to learn more. You can also find links to all our social media, Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and Reddit.

SPEAKER_00 35:18

We travel down the stroden path, the maze of stone in fire. Just hold my hand as we pass by the blazing fire. And still it is the end of our days, to lose me till morning.