EP:026 Shane Ramer host of That Sober Guy Podcast

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Transcript

Carl Fessenden: 1:18

Welcome to the drunken Warren podcast. My name is Carl, the host and the creator of this podcast. And you're listening to episode number 26. And we have a wonderful guest on the show with us today. Mr. Shane Raymer from that sober guy podcast, and we're gonna be talking about a little bit about his story, Ross is going to be talking about really good recovery. And he has just made the move back into the northern California area. And so we're also going to be talking a little golf, I'm sure today, as he and I are going to be hitting the links, hopefully in the next couple of weeks and able to get some of that balance that we talked about in our recovery in our lives out there. And we want to make sure everybody's having a good day today. So let's get into the episode. Hey, guys, are you looking for a backstage pass? How about behind the scenes look at this podcast? Why I have exciting news for you. Starting October first, we will be opening the doors to the drunk and warm podcasts and letting our listeners join in the funny conversation. Check out the different ways that you can support the show and gain access to exclusive content, such as free drunk and warm podcast merchandise for one full year. Join an exclusive community where you can talk to other members, both on upcoming show topics. Here exclusive audio footage from interviews each month, receive a personal shout out on an upcoming episode. And stay up to date with the drunk and warm podcast monthly newsletter so that you can stay informed about upcoming guests, show topics and community. With four different pledge options to fit any budget. You can flex your power and become a superfan today. Welcome to the drunken worm podcast. Each week I will be bringing you dynamic content that will educate and inspire. This podcast was created to talk to mental health professionals about addiction recovery and their own personal stories that can help inspire us to become better people and live healthier lives. Alrighty, and welcome to today's episode, Happy Friday, everybody. And again, my name is Carl, the host and the creator of the drunken worm podcast. And I hope that everybody is having a fabulous day today. Today's guest is Mr. Shane Raymer from that sober guy podcast. And I have to tell you, I'm so excited to have Shane on the episode today, man. He is a personal hero of mine. He is one of the first podcasts that I ever started listening to. And it was one of my goals to have him on this show when I started my podcast. And so we want to give him a nice warm welcome to The Drunk of warm podcast chain. Welcome to the show, brother.

Shane Ramer: 3:56

Carl, what's up, man? Good to be here. Thanks so much. Yeah, man. Right on.

Carl Fessenden: 4:00

Absolutely, man. So you know, just a really great day up here in northern California, man. It's frickin beautiful out. Absolutely. It

Shane Ramer: 4:09

was it was like it was like 50 mile an hour winds the last couple days. Yeah. But it cooled off a little bit. I got to get outside a little bit today and get some.

Carl Fessenden: 4:17

Absolutely, absolutely. And and you just made the move back up here in northern California, from Southern California. So welcome back home brother.

Shane Ramer: 4:26

Yeah, thanks. We're originally from Northern California. And we kind of took a little hiatus and went down to Huntington Beach for a while. I'm just kind of back and forth for work here. And there. Is most of my work is up in this area still. But yeah, we're permanently permanently back now. But we're, we'll definitely be heading back down to Huntington. That's a hard place to leave. Yeah, man, it really is

Carl Fessenden: 4:52

a hard place to leave when you're on vacation down there, too. You're just like,

Shane Ramer: 4:55

oh, yeah, gorgeous. It was great, man. Good, good people. And we did some surfing and I've met some good people, my wife and kids met some friends. And we just had a really good experience on our spending time together. You know, just the four of us. And yeah, you know, God had other plans bringing us back up here. So just enjoying it and doing the thing now.

Carl Fessenden: 5:16

Yeah, man. And you know, and you You've talked a lot about that spiritual connection that you have with God and, and I was listening to you the way out podcast that you were interviewed on. And one of the things that you talked about was walking down a road over by lagoon Valley, and you had come across a Bible and you're walking down the road and you pass this Bible, and it was something that told you to go back and, and pick up that Bible. And, you know, it seems to me like you really have this really great spiritual connection and with your higher power, and God, has it always been that way for you or did you find that more once you came into recovery?

Shane Ramer: 6:08

So I was raised in the Catholic Church as a kid. So I mean, I did catechism and First Communion and confirmation I did the whole thing like my whole life. family, my grandma's grandpa's. You know, my nada who's like, an 85 year old, like three foot tall, full Italian fireball. Nice. And so we, you know, growing up, like, we, you know, for us, we, you know, we did church, but a lot of the time, I can remember church being like on Christmas, Easter and watch like the Notre Dame game. So we are Catholic in some sense, you know, I kind of make a joke of that, but there's some truth to it. And as I got a little older, you know, I don't know, there was, and I'm not dissing on the church, by any means, you know, on Catholicism or anything like that. I just think that it was hard to. There wasn't like a, like a spiritual connection there. It was more religious, religious, and like, ritualistic and very legalistic in some senses, I think. And so there just wasn't like a connection there. I kind of just went because I went with my parents, and it was like, tradition, I guess, more, more or less, you know. But the one thing with that, that on a on a positive note that my time in, you know, catechism and just growing up in, in, in the Catholic Church did do for me is it made me it, you know, well, I don't even want to say it made me it just like, I've always known who Jesus is. And I've always known who God is, like, at least in from my heart, from my own perspective, like, I've always felt that there has been something higher within me and just externally as well, you know, in the world. So that general foundation of like faith, and something higher a higher power, however you want to refer to it has always been there. But it wasn't until when I like ran astray for many years. And then when I found that Bible, it was actually right. What's funny is we rented a house over where, by where we live right now, and this was 910 years ago, you know, and I were I found the Bible was right over there. And now we live right back there today. So it's almost like full circle, because I left and went and got help at that time. Yeah, I found the Bible on the road. I was contemplating, like, go into rehab. And like, you know, I'd already let the cat out of the bag. And then when I went on a walk, because my mind was going crazy, saying you don't need help, you're good. Like, keep, you know, keep your grown man. Like, don't be a park, like, you got this, like all that stuff. When I found the Bible, it spoke to me and said, You're doing the right thing, go get help, I got a bigger plan for you, you know. And so that was kind of the moment I think, when I would define my, my, you know, spiritual awakening, I think, and obviously, it's been a long path, since you know, then and it still is, I'm still learning every day. But that was probably the moment like where something changed. And I started to recognize that there was more to like, than just religion, there was there was more to it as like a spiritual connection with something higher.

Carl Fessenden: 9:42

Okay, yeah, man. And you know, and I can totally relate to that too, because I grew up going to church with my neighbors. And one of them was kind of a Christian based church. And then the other one was the Mormon church. And so I would jump back and forth on weekends. And I got in to do in the Mormon church for a little bit. And then when I went in through the Marine Corps, basic training there. And so all of the people in the Mormon Church, we're like, dude, you've got to go to the Mormon services in basic training, because they're not run by the military. And it's going to be a good way for you on Sundays to kind of like have that little break during basic. And so I joined the Mormon church, and back in shoot that was 99, or 98, because I went into basic in October 15 of 1998. And so, for me, the whole idea of God and everything was really strong. But once I hit that addiction, man, it was like, all that went out the window, because, you know, I was doing everything for myself and everything was working for myself, like you, I was a functioning attic, man, you know, I didn't lose jobs over it. I lost a few relationships over it. But you know, like I was really maintaining fairly well, like I could, I would every other year I'd go on like a really big vacation, do a cruise or go scuba diving or, you know, and all this other stuff. And so, but when I got back into it Recovery the relationship that I had with God and my higher power was so non existent man, it was all one sided. Yeah. As a lot of things are when we are back in our addiction, you know that one sided aspect of it's all about me and don't you know this is the Carl show and you know and that type of stuff. Oh yeah. So let's let's talk a little bit about what does recovery mean to you when you think about recovery? What does that mean to you man? Chat hello I think we lost Shane there for a second you there man? Am I back? You're back sir. Alrighty.

Shane Ramer: 12:26

Okay, sorry. Yeah, the internet's a little a little shaky out here. So sorry. No worries. No worries. Yeah, I mean, recovery. To me, I think it I mean, it means a lot of things, the first thing that comes to mind is, it's another chance, it's, it's been another chance at a different life, like a different path. To go down. I've really had a good opportunity to, to break that cycle for my kids. You know, the cycle that I grew up in, in some of the things that I saw growing up, like my kids don't have to see, you know, their dad go through that stuff, drinking, just acting a fool. And then it's also provided just a great opportunity to do what I love to do and like help other people too, you know, by sharing. That's one of the reasons I started the podcast was what I looked in back in 2014. Like, what pot like I was, because I was new to podcasts at the time. And a friend had turned me on to it. And when I looked up like recovery, podcasting, you had like Dr. Drew. And I think Paul Gilmartin was out there with mental illness, happy hour, and maybe like Anna David, and I think there might have been a podcast, there was only a couple, you know, there wasn't a whole lot out there. And, and I said, man, like I really felt like, I was having to be silent about my recovery. Like, it was just like, you weren't supposed to talk about it in that way in the rooms and outside. And I was like, Well, man, how am I supposed to like help anybody, like, I've kept this like, big secret for so long. Like, I don't want to keep my recovery secret, either. You know, I don't want to do that anymore. So, and I was looking to fill this void, because I didn't, I couldn't really do music anymore. I was a musician. And I still loved music, but I wanted to do it, you know, the be in the music business. And like, for a long time, that didn't obviously work out. And so when I got sober, like I just wasn't connecting to music, but I still an artist that I wanted to create. And so that's kind of what brought me into podcasting. Was this like desire to still create and be an artist, but also help people and be able to share, like, what was going on in the hopes that I could create something where other people could come share? And then you know, we could we could go grow out from there. So I mean, it's, yeah, it's hard. It's got a couple different elements, I think to it, what it's been able to bring in. I don't know it's gonna bring tomorrow. I'm just gonna keep doing it until I have till i Stop having fun until God says otherwise, I guess Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 15:09

man. You know, that's, it's interesting, because you and I, so you have eight years sober now and your sobriety date is September the 11th 2013. Is that right? Okay. So, so how, how far after you decided to get sober? Did you actually start your podcast?

Shane Ramer: 15:32

So I see, let's see, I started it. I got, I went to rehab in September 11. And then I launched it officially in like, April. So like six months? Okay, maybe? Yeah. Which was scary to like, when I think back on it, because I didn't really know what I was doing. Yeah. But I also knew like, I was working on a swing shift at the time. And so I had a lot of downtime on my hands, because the job I was doing was really easy. It was just it was like running a machine. And so there was a like, it kind of ran for itself. You just kind of had to monitor it. So I'd have time to sit there and I could write and I could listen to podcasts or music. And I looked back I haven't somewhere And I literally have two stacks of papers and like envelopes whose was the envelope machine? Yeah, of like notes? Where I'd be because back then you didn't have a road caster pro right? I mean, I just had pieces of equipment like, there. I had to piece all this stuff together and learn how to do it. So I probably spent a good month, like before, just like every night, just like taking notes and like trying to knock this idea out in my head. How was I going to launch this thing? And it's kind of fun actually to but yeah, I had no clue what I'm what I was doing. I still don't Sunday's like whatever. Right. But yeah, it was a fun time. It was a very confusing and hard time too, though. Yeah. Because I was trying to stay sober. And I still hated the job I was at the job that I was at the job that I went back to when I got sober was the job that I left to go to rehab because I could not stay sober at work. Yeah, I was getting hammered at work. And like, I literally couldn't go a day without being intoxicated. It was just it was just miserable.

Carl Fessenden: 17:19

Yeah, man. You know, that's the same with me, man over at the sports Cove. Like, I literally went to work one day as the manager and we hired this lady. And she had been working there for less than a month man. And the other guy that was our ski tuner. He was kind of part time he had been there for like a year. So he and I were We were good friends. And I told him I said, Hey, man, I gotta go to the hospital. And like, it's over. I'm done. And yeah, and sell, like I gave the ski tuner was my friend. And he was also a customer minds. I gave him the rest of my stuff and, and everything and like, you know, but I gave the keys and the alarm code and the safe code to this girl that had been working there for like, three weeks, maybe. And the owners were in Disneyland on a vacation. And I didn't want to call them because we thought it was going to be like one of the last vacations I get to take with their family because they were a little bit older. And so yeah, I didn't call him and tell him I was going to the hospital. I ended up like five days at Kaiser and, you know, and all this crazy stuff. But like you I went back to that job afterwards. Because, you know, I didn't have any other job to go to and I still had to maintain bills and still, you know, all this other stuff. And so yeah, yeah, definitely understand that feel like going back and then, you know, trying to figure out like, well, what's your next step going to be? You know,

Shane Ramer: 18:48

yeah. Oh, yeah. Where do I go from here? You know? Yeah, man. What's next?

Carl Fessenden: 18:53

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So that is that your is that your recovers? Brody? Brody. Brody,

Shane Ramer: 19:04

Brody, Brody's 13 Wow. is still going. Yeah, that's right,

Carl Fessenden: 19:08

kid. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah, we're in the market for another dog. We had ours. Ours left us about about six. No, maybe a year now. But um, but we kept him alive. Yeah, he had a liver disease man. And, and we we gave him we give him medication like five times a day, like every day. Yeah. So like, whenever we would travel, it would be like this whole like, operation of like, having a separate case for all the meds and you know, all this others couldn't have a sinner watch them. Probably kill them. You know? Well,

Shane Ramer: 19:44

my sponsor and I were talking about this this morning. It in? We're talking about I don't even know how we got on the topic of dogs. But you know, they're such a great example of like recovery almost to, like, they're there to love you. They they're all they want is love. Yeah, they, they want to they're there to serve. You know, they're not mad at you. They don't take shit personally, right? It's uh, yeah, they're actually really, really just great animals, man. Dude.

Carl Fessenden: 20:16

Dogs are dogs are fantastic. I love it when I go into a business and they have dogs like the sports coat. Yeah, we had we always had the dogs there, man. That's dude, I think sometimes people I'd have a resentment because like, sometimes people would be like, No, I'm just here to see the dogs who wouldn't even buy anything? And I'm like, Well, yeah, man. What are you doing here?

Shane Ramer: 20:35

Like that's, that's all honey. Is to everyone has dogs. Yeah. And every store. Every shop restaurants like dogs are welcome. It's a great dog. Community for sure. That's

Carl Fessenden: 20:48

great, man. I love that. If I ever move I definitely want to move to a dog friendly community. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Man. Cool. So started in the podcast, right? What? What was that driving force for you to start a podcast? Like

Shane Ramer: 21:08

um, I think I mean, like some of it I kind of touched on I think like the that. I mean, there was a desire there to still like create it. Look, I like writing. I like creating stuff. You know, and so and I like, I like being on a microphone. Yeah. I've always liked that I like recording. So I had a lot of experience there just in, you know, a lot of hours I can in recording sessions and all that. But like I said, when I got sober some change, and it just I was it was missing, I could do that. That wasn't there anymore. So there was that component of it, and trying to fill that void. And then there was also the, there was also the component of, I really saw a need and like, I saw a vision of where podcasting, like as an industry was headed to Yeah, and I was like, Man, I remember my wife's story. My husband is like, I remember telling her like that podcasts were going to be huge. Like they're, you know, because I was kind of like that second wave, I think like the first way was like 22,008 2010. That was like the early early like Adam Carolla and Rogan. And there's some other people, of course involved there, too. But those were the first two that stand out. And then like, around that time, like I kind of caught up to it a couple years later. And, but I could see, like, with technology, the way it was going, and yeah, and just the whole, the whole industry, I was like, Man, this is gonna be great to get in on now. And I want to build this platform. So you had that component. And then, and then yeah, of course, just the component of like, not wanting to stay silent anymore, and bring like a light to people who have struggled with addiction or alcohol is or mental health, and like, show that there's just a lot of normal people out there who are struggling with this shit. And it doesn't mean that you're a bad person. It doesn't mean that like, I mean, yeah, we might have done some stupid things, you know, or got in trouble or made mistakes, but like, you know, we can recover from it. And we can live good, good lives, you know, every part of our lives is different chapters and seasons, and we can change and move forward, you know, so I wanted to share that. And I also wanted to give an opportunity for others to share that, too. So I think those you know, those are definitely a couple of the strong points of why I wanted to start it and why I did.

Carl Fessenden: 23:44

Okay. Yeah, man. You know, it's really amazing to look back at almost eight years of your podcast now. You know, I originally picked up your podcast when the so I got sober in 2017. And I started listening, probably like 2018, I was trying to go back to figure out what was the first episode that I listened to, but you know, 2018, so you were up to about 214 episode right around there. And, you know, but it really opened my eyes because like you, I also have a music background, during during school, in high school and over at Solano Community College. I did jazz. I did, you know, orchestral music and classical music. So so that was my background, kind of coming up. I played the trombone and the bass trombone. And, you know, in in high school and junior high, it was like, we were fucking rock stars, man. Because in Fairfield, they had really strong band programs. And so, dude, we went over to Hawaii, we toured over there, you know, go down to Disneyland, do the magic music days and Disneyland get to marched in the Rose Parade a few times, you know, until all these like really big events. And so when I got out of high school, and I started getting into my addiction, I wanted to find another outlet because I didn't want to play the trombone. So I got into DJing on the underground rave scene, and going to parties and you know, and doing all these things. And I and I got good enough where I was being booked out of state for DJing and, and all this other stuff. But when I got sober I had I gave all that up, because I was so afraid of, you know, what could that trigger look like for me? And how would that feel for me if I got back into doing that type of stuff? And it's just now with four years being sober? Are I've really kind of been able to, you know, make that connection and not have it feel like it's going to be a trigger for us. How do you deal how do you deal with your triggers when they come on man?

Shane Ramer: 25:51

Um, man, the Serenity Prayer is always I mean, that's like a go to classic. Yeah, um, I another one I use that my buddy Seth shared with me early on was looking at your feet. You know, like, You're right where you're supposed to be. So like, take a breath and like look at my feet, you know? So there's, I mean, those are a couple like hard takes always have like action, herbal things to do. But I think something that is something that's big that I've really learned to do, like if triggers or urges come up for. It's just to like, it's to allow myself to feel them and to know they're there. And not like try to resist or, or get mad at myself or be hard on myself for it because early on, I would have like, beat myself up over it and go, man, like, why you shouldn't be feeling like that, you know? Why are you still having that year a year sober like you? There's no you can't have urges, like, what's going on? There's something wrong, you know, when in fact, like, I mean, maybe there is you know, there could be or not be something wrong, but more or less like that kind of stuff happens. I you know, I use this analogy in, in the 30. In the 30 day program, it's the sushi the sushi boat analogy, some of you if you've ever been to like a sushi bar, yeah.

Carl Fessenden: 27:29

I think we love sushi, but

Shane Ramer: 27:32

I come back. Okay, so yeah, it's like a big round bar. And it has these like, sushi boats. Yeah. And so you sit at the bar, and these little boats of sushi, they like go around in a circle and, like, pick off which ones you want. Yeah. And, like, you might see one that looks good, and pick it off and try it, and then it's not good. And then there's other ones that don't look good. Like, I had this thought one day that, like, our thoughts are kind of like that urges are kind of like that. So these thoughts come through. And like, I don't necessarily have to pick them off and try them and take action on them. I can just let him pass on by. And I can see him and acknowledge that they're there. Like, I'm having this thought. But I don't have to act on it. And so I also tried to tell someone about it too, you know, so, like, Hey, I told my lady like, man, I was like, you know, I was kind of struggling right there. I know. It's weird. I had this urge, like to just get, you know, hammered by you know, and so just like verbalizing it to know, because it's not, especially for if I was talking to somebody who was like, in their first year of recovery, I wouldn't say like, oh, look out for if the urge comes on, it would be like lookout when the urge comes, because it's gonna happen. It's inevitable, you know? So yeah, just kind of giving myself grace, like allowing myself to have those feelings and recognize them, and know that they're gonna pass. I don't have to act on them. Yeah, and then trying to verbalize it to somebody too, because that helps like to move it on, you know, and not keep it a secret or whatever.

Carl Fessenden: 29:04

Yeah, absolutely. Man. And, you know, and by telling somebody now we're releasing the power that it's had over us, because now we're telling ourselves, and, and, you know, some people think, like, the whole telling on ourselves, like, well, I didn't do anything wrong. So why would I tell somebody else? You know, what's, what's going on about this. But, you know, it's really important to remember that, if we hold on to our secrets, and we hold on to all of these feelings, and even if we try to process them internally, they're still going to have like, a turmoil effect on us. And when we tell somebody else, now we're taking all of it, and we're giving it to somebody else and saying, hey, I want to share this with you. Because, yeah, I don't want to have to carry the weight of this anymore.

Shane Ramer: 29:50

Yeah, yeah. 100% And yeah, carrying that stuff around. It's a lot, you know, it's a lot of it's a lot of weight to carry. And we're not really designed to do that as human beings. You know, it's a little rough.

Carl Fessenden: 30:07

Yeah, man. And you know, and that goes back to the, to the saying that, you know, the power of one addict helping another addict. And, you know, I so if we go back to the whole higher power and God thing now, you know, my higher power is that group. So it doesn't matter what group I'm involved with, right? It's so you and I, right now, you're my higher power to me, right? Because we're talking about recovery. We're talking about solutions. And, you know, we're getting into the depths of how to survive in this world without having the you know, draw to use or drink or the want to use or drink. So I always look at whomever I surround myself with. That's my higher power has for me my higher power. I really like the idea that it's kind of tangible, you know, and I can get feedback from it and you know, and all these other things. So what is your higher power for you, man?

Shane Ramer: 31:07

Like specific Yeah, what do you mean? Jesus? Yeah, okay, God, yeah. Yeah, If I mean, yeah, if I had to simplify it, I mean, that would be like, my higher power. But I mean, I, at the same time, you know, there's, there's something about having community and fellowship in that, that is a is a part of that as well, you know, so, you know, it says just to, you know, two people together, praying and meditating, you know, you, you create a certain spiritual element in power greater than ourselves really in that and so like, be it like yesterday in our in our men's meeting. You know, there was seven of us, I think in there. And our topic was the power of we actually. And so just being together in that, and you know, everyone has a different thing. All those guys, their, their god or higher power is not Jesus like mine is and that's okay. I don't ever force my stuff on anybody. And I don't want anyone to force their stuff on me. I think that's a pretty fair, you know, approach to it. But if someone asked me about it, and then I'm going to share about it, and probably vice versa. But we all had different backgrounds and different, you know, we don't think exactly the same, you know, in that meeting yesterday, but like, the power of we like coming together and talking about stuff is sharing and being there. I mean, that dirt, there's a there's a definite spiritual element to that. And it's hard to, you know, it's hard to really put like a name on it, I guess, or a you know, I don't know, there, but there's definitely something there that is very helpful. Yeah. And free to, you know, yeah, no doubt.

Carl Fessenden: 33:14

Absolutely. Man, I love to say, I love how you said it was freeing man. Because, you know, like, this whole process, man, of coming into recovery, and having the release of the addiction that was holding us down, and keeping us from obtaining our full potential. You know, I almost feel like recovery for me is like that movie Limitless. Yeah, you know, and he's taking the pill, and it's allowing him to have access to a larger portion of his subconscious unconscious and his brain and stuff. And he's able to go on to do great things. Now, by the end of the movie, you know, it starts to go downhill for him. So for anybody that hasn't seen the movie Limitless, I'm not going to give you a spoiler on it. Yeah. You know, but but there's a portion of that movie where it's like really kind of spiritually awaking for him, and he's like, Man, I, I can actually function and now I can function at a higher level. And I really feel that that's the way that recovery has allowed me to do you know, do you feel the same way about you know, getting sober and now being able to obtain, you know, a career and your podcast? I mean, that's a career within itself for you as well.

Shane Ramer: 34:33

Yeah, it's definitely expanded. Like it's expanded opportunities, no doubt and it's also expanded I don't even want to say expand it like it's just allowed me to grow it's allowed me to like figure out and learn about who I am like I didn't really know who I was for like 32 years because I was just like lost and not really confident and I just didn't know who I was. I was numb like that. I showed this and I can't remember where not too long ago was on the podcast or meeting or something. But if you look up the term alcohol it's actually alcohol and it's like an Arabic term and it means body eating spirit so it like I've truly believe now that like alcohol from experience then for learning a little bit more about this like aspect of it. Like it really does suppress and like like completely sedate us like our consciousness like it literally just puts our consciousness What's up bro and I'm just doing a podcast by

Carl Fessenden: 35:41

Spider Man's back.

Shane Ramer: 35:43

I'm recording right now like I'm trying to sound really smart are you doing are you taking me out we'll talk about it when I'm done here shortly. Thank you buddy. Spider Man,

Carl Fessenden: 35:57

that's awesome.

Shane Ramer: 35:58

He literally I love you. I love shooting web Okay, literally ran out shooting webs That's great. Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 36:06

can that's that's a that is the next podcast or Shane son. In the Spider Man costume.

Shane Ramer: 36:12

He probably will be so I would not doubt it. That's awesome. Oh man. I can't even Remember what the heck I was saying.

Carl Fessenden: 36:19

But we were talking about the outcue all and how it derives. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Shane Ramer: 36:25

yeah. Yeah. So I mean, it does it, it sedates us and it sedated me for such a long time. Like, I was just my spirit was dead, you know, my consciousness was was not in like reality it was off somewhere, like planning the future, but like not doing anything about it and victim mentality and a lot of you know, a lot of just suppressed numbness. i Yeah. And so once I, once I was able to cut that out, so that's just the beginning, like, Okay, I cut out alcohol, and then oh, my life isn't magically better all the sudden. I mean, obviously, it's good. I'm not drinking, you know, but like, there's so much other things to it than just not drinking, like life on life's terms, not shamers term. So, yeah, there's been a lot. There's been a lot there too. And there's still a lot to come, you know, with all of that. But I, I just like that. I don't have to rely on that. Like, that ruled everything like Oh, I'm going to a birthday party, you know, a kid's birthday party. Okay, how am I going to drink there? You know, oh, we're going here. We're going to the game. Okay. Do we have enough alcohol? How are we going to get alcohol after the seventh inning? You know, like that kind of mentality? It was always, it was never about just going to the baseball game. It was about are we going to be able to get like Coke and alcohol, you know, enough to last for the whole game. And then what are we going to do after and, man, it's just like, it's actually a lot harder to live that way than it is just not do any of that crap. So much better. Yeah.

Carl Fessenden: 38:03

Yeah, dude, I've figured out like, you know, it is just so much easier to live sober, man. Like you said, you know, just the, like, having to like figure out where you're gonna get all your stuff from? Do we have enough for the journey that we're about to take? If you ever see a movie called 1000 junkies? Oh, no, I didn't know it's on it's on Amazon Prime man, if you get a chance watch it. It's, it is a it's a dark while I say dark comedy, but it's pretty like realistic comedy, really, of this group of three guys who are trying to like get their fix and re up for a whole day down in Southern California. And they're like having to drive out to the valley and you know, do all these things. And like, do we have enough gas. And at one point, like, one of them has taken apart the whole interior of the car looking for a sack and then come to find out like it wasn't in the car and somebody else knew it wasn't in the car had never said anything. You know, but it's but it's really it's a really good well put together recovery movie. And a really funny, so if he's called again, I thought 1000 junkies.

Shane Ramer: 39:14

Okay, I'll have to check it out. Yeah, I haven't seen it. But yeah, it sounds interesting.

Carl Fessenden: 39:18

Yeah. Really interesting, man. It's a really good guy. That

Shane Ramer: 39:22

guy's story like that, too. I in my my bachelor party. Man. We went through a lot of cocaine on the bachelor party. Yeah. So we were doing it, like in tents, like and I had a tent there. And so like, you know, I mean, it was everywhere in my like, in the so, like, fast forward, like nine months down the road. I'm like, in the garage one night. And like, I'm out of cocaine. Yeah. And I'm like, you know, Dre, I'm by myself, you know, and I'm like, Man, how can I get some more? Let me pitch this tent and see if I can find anything. I try to like refrain from telling that story. But since it's kind of relevant to the one that you just shared, but yeah, just just madness, you know, and I wouldn't do that if I wasn't intoxicated. Like that's not but like I was and that was the thing like alcohol was always the always the foundation. I don't think I would have done some of the other stuff I'd done had I not been drinking like any time you know, but not and that's why I went to 12 step in a because like, alcohol, there was drugs involved, but like alcohol was like, Yeah, that was the issue in my house growing up. Right then that was the issue. It was like the main the main substance throughout my 17 year deal like that was always there.

Carl Fessenden: 40:43

Yeah. Yeah, this you know, same same type of thing, man, you know, I'll call him the house and, and family members and stuff and you know, but for me alcohol was never really the problem that was just kind of a little bit of enjoyment, you know, along the way, but I always geared towards the harder drugs or partying drugs and yeah, you know, and that type of stuff and with the rave scene, you know, frickin ecstasy.

Shane Ramer: 41:09

Oh, yeah. My lady was big into the house music like okay, I always loved Mark Farina back in the day so yeah, She took me to a couple couple events, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Crazy times. Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 41:22

man, really crazy times. And it's crazy, because now I've gotten back into the scene. And so there's a record label. Well, there was a record shot back in the late 2000s, early 90s, called subsonic. Underground up in Sacramento, over on K Street. And so they were a hard dance record shop owned by Simon apex. And so Simon went back to the UK came back over to the US. And now he's sober with his wife, Brittany, queen bee. And they have they relaunched the record label, and it's like, oh, they're now doing all of this music. And like a bunch of the other people on the label are like, in sobriety, and they're sober, too. And so now they're really focusing on like, the recovery aspect of it, and how to have fun and sober, but still enjoy making the music and still enjoy being in the studio. And, you know, and stuff like that. So it's really cool to like, go up there and hang out with them. Because I really feel safe up there, you know? And yeah,

Shane Ramer: 42:22

back in it around like minded people and having a good time. You know, it's possible to, you know, I think I did a podcast titled, like, how to party sober back in the day, and, like, it is possible. It's just different. You just have to frame it up different. Yeah. Be prepared. And, you know, it's a whole different mindset, but it's just as fun if not funner, because you don't have to worry about being hungover and doing anything stupid. Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 42:47

exactly. You're gonna remember

Shane Ramer: 42:50

you are going to remember I still do I still do stupid stuff sometimes. But it's just not as you know, like it used to

Carl Fessenden: 42:56

be not a sentence. Yeah. Not drifting down the street into the cul de sac where he used to live. Oh, yeah, I heard I heard about that story.

Shane Ramer: 43:06

All my neighbors. All my neighbors were out front. I got it. No, they were there. Oh, man. Yeah, that was bad. Yeah, I think I pulled the brake. Yeah, you brake slide into the court, like going super fast. Yeah. Stupid.

Carl Fessenden: 43:19

You know, but as my sponsor says, you ain't got to live like that. No more.

Shane Ramer: 43:23

No, that's true. Actually. Yeah. Right.

Carl Fessenden: 43:27

And thankfully, we can remember what's what's going to be happening tomorrow. Yep. And appreciate it man. I think actually just being present for things now. Like that's the probably the biggest gift for me is being able to be present. And in the moment for something you know, instead of like being fucked off somewhere and you know, but but physically there but you know, is your mind is like, all screwed up and everything and yeah, just like me, I witness is going to be over and now we can enjoy it, man, you have a beautiful family. You have the opportunity now to enjoy that family and stuff. And you know, moments like that just happened with your son, man. You know, I know like, it's no area right. But it's but now we get to react to it. And it's not a big deal. You talked about that? Yeah, walking, walking your dog and Casey from the whale podcast. He mentioned in his interview with you that his dog like lunch towards some other people. And that would have like, totally thrown his old day off, man. Yeah, but ya know, it's I almost look at like his armadillo. You know, we can just let it roll off her back now. Yeah, sometimes it doesn't roll off as nicely as others. But you know, we have that. Yeah,

Shane Ramer: 44:40

it depends on the day. Yeah, I guess it depends on what it depends. Like, like, I still catch myself, you know, doing, like getting frustrated at things that I shouldn't get frustrated. But I think that that's where the kind of the wind comes in is like, before, I wouldn't even recognize it. And now, at least if it happens, I can recognize it. Right? Or when it happens, I could recognize it. Like the awareness is there to correct it at least in that moment. Yeah.

Carl Fessenden: 45:11

Yeah, absolutely, man. So let's, let's talk a little bit about the podcast. We've talked to bits and pieces of it throughout this interview. But where do you see your podcast going, man, do you do you have kind of like a vision for it? I mean, I have to say, I think your podcast is probably one of the top recovery podcasts right now. If I could be so bold to say that. And you know, you started from humble beginnings. And you have your local group, which is a men's group online, where other guys can go to support each other. There's a lot of I mean, that seems like a huge group in itself, man. So where do you see this going for yourself, man?

Shane Ramer: 45:55

Oh, man, I don't know it's been like such a it's been just such a lot of ups and downs. You know. One thing I've tried to not do, which I still can get caught up in but I feel like I've came a long way and this is like setting expectations. And like trying to understand the difference between like goals and expectations. You know, yeah. So I know one thing for certain, and people have asked me this, like, you know, how long are you going to do the podcast? And it's like, well, as long as I keep having fun doing it, then I'll do it. And the moment that it's not fun anymore, you know, that I probably won't do it anymore. Yeah, you know, so I kind of stay true to that. And then I don't, one of the things I really struggle with is, is like, help, like getting help, like, I, you know, I'm an artist, I have that, like, art, art brain. And so like, I just want to create, share, and I'm not really great at like, the business side of things. I mean, there's some things I am, you know, okay, at, but it's not like my favorite thing to do, either. So I think there's a, there's a little bit of like, fear in that. And there's also like, the, the expectations of or I should be further along than, you know, this or that, you know, so you know, and I appreciate you saying, like, I don't know, if it's one of the biggest ones or not, like, I'm not really sure. I mean, I know, it's one of the first ones, you know, so I dude, like, take some pride in that. And I and I also take a lot of, you know, appreciation for like podcasts, like your podcast, and all the other folks who have like, like, dived in headfirst and just went after this thing, too. It's really amazing to see like, this whole community of people, you know, coming together and having fun doing this in Britain and bringing, like, such a great service to other people. There's so many options for people now, too. And, you know, so I mean, I don't know, man, we thought we, you know, we were sponsored. One of our partners is promises behavioral health out of Nashville. You know, they're, they're a great company. I don't even like saying company. I mean, obviously, it's a company, but they're just a great group of people. Yeah, have great relationships with, with quite a few of them there. And I met them, a lot of them through foundations, which was our first sponsor. So I mean, I've got to travel around a bit and do a lot of live concerts and live shows, that's always one thing that I've kind of, I've had this vision of being able to, like tour around and do live shows at different venues and with different guests and bring recovery to different cities. And so I mean, that's kind of been like a long, like a long term vision or goal, I don't really know if it'll ever pan out or not, who knows, maybe it'd be cool. I mean, we've done some some of those here. And there. Were, I just, I have a meeting next week with in and outs slave to nothing foundation. So we're going to talk a little bit with them about, you know, potentially partnering and just kind of seeing if there's any way, you know, that we can work together. And so I don't know, just like, just keeping like opportunities like that open. You know, and I do struggle with it, though. So to be honest, man, like, it's, it's that it's that more type of mentality, like more like when, instead of being in the moment, and so it's almost like a like a catch 22 question. Right. I appreciate the question. Yeah, not what I'm saying. Like, but like, because you want to have visions, you want to have goals, but at the same time, the secret is being in the moment. And like so where's that I have this conversation with my sponsor a lot. Like where's the how do I how do you do that? You know, yeah, so I guess I what I'm really trying to do is just put one foot in front of the other and like, so a buddy of mine, Jacoby, he's in the band, Papa Roach. And I remember him saying to me a long time ago, and I don't remember where this was at. But I remember hearing him say, like, just put out good content. Yeah, you know, just keep putting you have like to be. And Chris Bell said this. I don't know if you've ever listened to the Chris Bell podcast. From he did a few movies bigger, faster, stronger leap of faith, but he was talking about on the podcast, the 10 year rule two, like if you didn't make it to 10 years, when whatever you do business like sports, like whatever, if you grind and you like when you get to that 10 year mark, that's when percentage wise your percentage of success goes like up a lot higher, right? As far as an established business or whatever it is you're doing. And so when I come back to that again to I just want to be consistent. I want to continue to have fun. I want to continue to help people. I want to put out great content that people enjoy that helps people and I think if I do those things, the rest of it will fall into place. And there's a little bit of blind faith there like sometimes I think I could use some help on some other aspects of things for sure. But you know, I don't know, man, I don't I also don't want to get so wrapped up in that where it just becomes like something that I don't like to do anymore. So I know that was a very long winded answer, but there's a lot to it.

Carl Fessenden: 51:30

Yeah, man. And you know, and I can totally relate to that too, because, you know, I'm just starting, you know, we've been now on on doing podcasts, why wouldn't I don't say I used to term we a lot. I think I use a term we, and that even on my website, I'm like, you know, we are so happy that you visited the website to make it seem, I wanted to make it seem like I'm bigger than I really am. But for my listeners today, I'll just let you know. It's it's one person. You know, that, that does everything marketing, website design. You know, everything? I mean? Yeah, it's not just that I come on. You could

Shane Ramer: 52:06

also, you could also reframe it up, though, like we as in, like us, like in our audience, like we're on this together. type of we. So that's like, you know, I think it just depends how you look, I know what you're saying that too, because I do I have a little bit of help right now. And I do outsource a couple things here and there. But for the most part, I've always done everything to I do I schedule, I do pre production and post production. I mean, I produce and host a corporate show too, for like a big company. And so yeah, there's a lot to it. It's not just like, getting on a microphone and talking. I mean, yeah, that's one part of it. But dude, there's so much more that goes into it. And, you know, you know, most people wouldn't don't see that part of it. No, sometimes it's fun. And sometimes it sucks. It depends what you're, that's why I don't do. I don't really do very much post production anymore. Like I've learned to record the show in live format. And eliminated. I used to go back in the early days and like edit out every and this and that. And oh man, I hate post production. Like it's like the worst thing I can't stand it. It takes forever. And so I don't do any of that anymore. I just record and unless there's like a specific request to cut something which they're rarely is I put it in a master I master it and then I upload that shit straight to Lipson and I have it streamlined down to like, I can do pre production record post production have it up on iTunes in probably like two hours, you know, like, maybe three depending on how long the episode is. But yeah, so I it's it's yeah, there's a lot to it. But yeah, we'll see what happens

Carl Fessenden: 53:47

I remember texting you right when I was giving my road caster and, and everything and and one of the questions I think I asked you was that, you know, how long does it take you to do your post production after you record and stuff? And you said yeah, do you don't basically like it's like, yeah, it whatever happens happens and that's going up? You know? Yeah. Yeah. I had one guest asked me if I would pause the episode for a moment. And so I I ended up having to go into Odyssey and, and like, pasting it together. But you know, like you man, basically I just download from my road caster and that thing, great, bro. It's just awesome. Amazing, man. Yeah,

Shane Ramer: 54:32

it's a great piece of equipment. Man.

Carl Fessenden: 54:34

I've done a remote up at Simon's studio with it. It works. Man. It worked out great, because we had four microphones set upon it. But yeah, three microphones set up on it. And it dude, it just works out so well.

Shane Ramer: 54:50

Oh, yes, you can hook a PA system up. I mean, there's so many things you can do with it's, it really has changed the game of podcasting. I feel like and I'm excited to see like, what the hell they come out with next. I would imagine they're probably working on some sort of, you know, upgraded or I know they just upgraded some software for me, but yeah, it's been fun.

Carl Fessenden: 55:11

Yeah, man, the software that they have for it is really good too. And I was looking at that Zoom machine from zoom, but out of reviews, and I was reading on that man, it was like plastic and like a hard plastic. But I was like, you know, over time, that's like, I don't know. Yeah, I'm uh, I'm like a pioneer, you know, for my DJ equipment and or new mark and you know, in these really like rugged and durable things and that's what road was to me when I was reading all the reviews and talking to all these people that yet and stuff and they were looking around for a long time, dude, you could run it over with a fucking truck and like, just be like, Alright, we're gonna go live in five minutes. Just let me hook up some new Wi Fi. So we're good. Yeah. So cool. All right. So where can people find your podcast? Where can they? What what days are you uploading? Give give the audience a little bit of information on on how they can get a hold of you.

Shane Ramer: 56:14

Yeah, yeah, so you can You can find us on on Instagram at that sober guy podcast. If you go to locals, if you want to check out our locals men's group, you can download the locals app or it's dot sober guy, dot locals calm. And then we have that sober guy.com. There's a bunch of resources on there. We also have quit drinking dude.com. That's where you can find the newest course. And then there's also a 90 day course on there. And yeah, I think that would probably and then the podcasts, obviously, you can find it on any of the podcast platform, Spotify, iTunes, we released shows on Fridays. And, you know, occasionally though, we'll release show sporadically throughout the week to just depending on what is going on that specific week. So I tend to kind of keep it loose on that aspect, but always, always on Fridays for sure. And then occasionally some other days.

Carl Fessenden: 57:13

Okay. Awesome, man. Well, Shane, I have another little portion of the episode here that I don't usually tell my first time guest or if you've listened to the show, then you might know that we always do a rapid fire question portion. Coming up here and we're gonna we're gonna jump into that little music going on for you. All right.

Shane Ramer: 57:37

75. That's right, brother. All right.

Carl Fessenden: 57:41

What has been your favorite age so far?

Shane Ramer: 57:46

Oh, 40 right now.

Carl Fessenden: 57:50

Okay. Whoa, man. All right. What is the stupidest dare you have ever agreed to?

Shane Ramer: 57:57

Stupid is dare the only thing I could think of I climbed a tree when I was a kid that I couldn't get down that I got stuck up there and cried for them to go get my mom so that was I was like

Carl Fessenden: 58:20

alright, man. Okay, here's here's a fashion faux pas for those of you down in Huntington Beach. And hopefully this won't apply to you. But have you ever worn socks with sandals?

Shane Ramer: 58:33

I love this question. Yes, I have.

Carl Fessenden: 58:36

Oh, all right, because

Shane Ramer: 58:39

I played baseball growing up. And so we wear socks with like, slides over. Okay. Now socks with flip flops should be highly illegal. Right?

Carl Fessenden: 58:52

Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. All right, man. Okay, if you have to fly on an airplane, what are you going to choose an aisle seat or a window seat?

Shane Ramer: 59:03

window next to the emergency exit.

Carl Fessenden: 59:05

Okay. All right, brother. All right, man. So if you had to choose one, would you choose street smarts or book smarts?

Shane Ramer: 59:14

Street Smarts. All right away.

Carl Fessenden: 59:17

Okay. Do you learn by watching or by doing? Doing okay, cool, man.

Shane Ramer: 59:25

Probably a hybrid. A little bit of both. I gotta pick.

Carl Fessenden: 59:28

Yeah, absolutely. YouTube videos all the way. All right. Okay, what is your favorite Disney character?

Shane Ramer: 59:41

favorite Disney character? I like Goofy. Goofy.

Carl Fessenden: 59:47

Nice. Nice. Nice. Alright, man, what book or TV show changed your life or movie?

Shane Ramer: 59:58

What book or movie or TV show? So book. I mean, the Bible has changed my life and then a movie. The Breakfast Club has always had a big impact. That's one of my favorites. So that's one that comes to mind.

Carl Fessenden: 1:00:16

Yeah, yeah, that's awesome. I've I we just had Leonard booth Shane. Blue Shell Leonard Blue Shell, who runs a recovery Film Festival down in Los Angeles.

Shane Ramer: 1:00:31

Oh, I know. I know him. I met him at conferences before.

Carl Fessenden: 1:00:35

Yeah. Really Cool Cat man. And so he was just on the live stream. And he and I because he's a movie fanatic man, and I love movies. In fact, I don't even go to the Fairfield theater because they don't have the reclining seats. Because I've gotten so used to the reclining seats. I'll go up to Brandon and Vacaville. But yes, telling me about some really good movies and stuff. There's one out there, man. I don't know if you've been able to see this yet. But it's called inmate number one, the rise of Danny Trejo. Have you heard of that? Oh, you know,

Shane Ramer: 1:01:09

I did see a preview for that not too long ago on something. It's kind of like a duck a duck on his life. Right? Yeah. I haven't watched it, but I did see the little trailer for Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 1:01:23

dude, it's so good man. I in fact, I ended up buying it. And I show it at the rehab center, every Oh, nice three or four months, because so we give new set of guys and yeah, I'll let them watch it and do this. It's just so amazing to have this recovery and this life that we've built for ourselves, and all the opportunities that have come from that life. Yeah. And you know, being sober. And, you know, you and I are a great example of that. He's, he's a great example of that, you know? Yeah, most damn near Yes. Tre

Shane Ramer: 1:01:56

hos tacos, too. I never know why I just never stopped down there. There's one right on Beach Boulevard in Huntington and I would drive past it all the time. And then I went to Santos and Stan, sorry, Danny. I like I know the tacos are good. Yeah, man.

Carl Fessenden: 1:02:12

Dude, road trip. I'll tell you what roadshow Yeah, dude. We'll just go down there and get tacos brother. Sounds good. Taco. Have you been to Taco addiction over in Napa? No, no, that sounds great. Oh, dude, it's so good. And they have a cheese taco. So cuz I do keto. Oh, so it's all like a cheese shell with like, Wow, dude,

Shane Ramer: 1:02:34

sounds great for literally sounds good. I love cheese. Yeah,

Carl Fessenden: 1:02:37

man. Me too. Well, it dude, I really appreciate you taking the time to come on the show. It's been really cool. having you on getting to know you a little bit. I look forward to this friendship that we're starting to form. Hopefully we can get out there and play a little golf.

Shane Ramer: 1:02:54

Yeah, sounds great. Yeah, we didn't even talk about golf. Yeah, next

Carl Fessenden: 1:02:57

time. Yeah, man. We're having a whole episode. Maybe we could do a live episode from the golf course.

Shane Ramer: 1:03:02

That'd be fun. But there's so many analogies with golf. Yeah, to life in recovery. Like, how many bad shots do you take before you finally get a good one that keeps you playing? You know what I mean? So there's a lot of those, I think, yeah.

Carl Fessenden: 1:03:16

Yeah, the other. The other one was paint your shot, you know, where you do visualizations of your shot. And you visualize yourself hitting the shot. I do that when I have really hard shots. Like I'll just actually stand back for a moment and be like, Okay, this is how I view the shot to go. You know, so you know, all that stuff. Well, Brother, it's been really good to having you on the episode. Yeah. Thanks, Carl. Absolutely. And if you guys would like to have more information about Shane's podcast and his recovery group. They will be listed in the show notes below. And as always, if you're listening on Apple iTunes, please go ahead, hit that subscribe button and also, leave some comments. Let us know how we're doing. Give our show a rating. It's going to allow other people to find our show and get the help that they might need if they're looking for recovery podcasts. Also with Shane's show as well. If you go onto his show, be sure to hit that like button, subscribe to his show. And also give him a rating so that other people can find his show and can find the power of podcasting and recovery that can help them out