EP:030 Tim Lodgen

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Transcript

Carl Fessenden: 1:20

THey guys, are you looking for a backstage pass? How about behind the scenes look at this podcast, I have exciting news for you. Starting October 1, we will be opening the doors to the drunken Warren podcast, and loving our listeners join in the funny conversation. Check out the different ways that you can support the show and gain access to exclusive content, such as free drunken worm podcast merchandise for one full year. Join an exclusive community where you can talk to other members vote on upcoming show topics. Here exclusive audio footage from interviews each month, receive a personal shout out on an upcoming episode. And stay up to date with the drunken worm podcast monthly newsletter so that you can stay informed about upcoming guests, show topics and community with four different pledge options to fit any budget. You can flex your power and become a super fan today. All right, everybody, and welcome to episode number 30. My name is Carl, the host and the creator of the drunken Warren podcast. And I hope everybody's having a great day today, man. You know, we we do our recordings on different days other than the day that it's published. And so it's I'm in Northern California right now. And it was like 73 degrees, and it's starting to get that summer feel to it. Even though we you know, just starting into the, to the season and stuff and we have daylight savings coming up for us. So by the time this episode will release, we are already going to be at least probably two weeks into our daylight savings. So I hope everybody is adjusting well to that. I know that for myself, sometimes the Daylight Savings takes takes a week or two to kind of get used to that feel like you know, now it's time change. And either I've lost an hour, which I almost go through this grief process about because I'm like, damn, now I've lost the whole hour. Are you kidding me? But you know, and then I'm like, oh, cool falls coming up. Now I get an extra hour of sleep. But you know, I never really works out that way. Man, I still work wake up at the same time. And now it's just an hour earlier than I wake up. And then I roll around in bed and I'm like shit, man, I just lost that whole hour. So I'll be calling my sponsor and working on my resentment towards the time change later on. So anyways, I want to welcome everybody to the episode today, I hope everybody is doing well. If you guys are listening on any podcast apps out there, please take the time to give us some love and give us a rating. And leave some comments. Let us know how we're doing with our shows and the content that we're bringing you guys. I also want to make a mention that we're still doing our GoFundMe, we are trying to bring our podcast now on to a video platform using the YouTube. And so right now I'm sitting with my guest. And we're sitting in our recovery revolution Live platform that we do our live shows on but I like to use that studio to do the audio recordings for my podcast. But we will be working on something like that. So if you guys want to help the show out, and the GoFundMe, I have a link in the bottom, we are purchasing professional video equipment so that we can give you the best quality, and also new microphones that will help so that we don't have to sit with a microphone in front of us. And we will have more freedom to just talk to you in general. And yeah, so it's gonna be really good. I also want to give a mention to the recovery revolution live show that we do every Thursday evening at 5pm. Pacific Standard Time. And we have a lot of great guests on that show. So if you would like a live show to watch and listen to, you know, that's a great option for you. And we have the links for that show also in the show notes. And I want to get into today's guest. So without any further ado, today's episode, episode number 30. Welcome to the drunken worm podcast. Each week, I will be bringing you dynamic content that will educate and inspire. This podcast was created to talk to mental health professionals about addiction recovery and their own personal stories that can help inspire us to become better people and live healthier lives. Already and again, welcome to episode number 30. My name is Carl, the host and the creator of the drunken worm podcast. And I hope everybody's having a great day today man. You know we have a wonderful guest on Tim logic. And Tim and I are going to be talking about how he came into sobriety how he is doing with his addiction. And Tim also was a worker in the construction industry. And Tim has a really cool thing he wants to tell us about that industry and the company that he works for and how everybody at that company is staying sober on the job site and creating a better vibe within the workforce. We're also going to talk to Tim about his current activities and how he is staying healthy and staying sober all at the same time. So welcome to today's episode. And Tim brother. Welcome to the show, man. I'm really happy to have you on

Tim L: 6:18

Thank you, Carl. I'm really happy to be here. I'm glad we finally got able to make this happen. And I'm looking forward to our discussion.

Carl Fessenden: 6:24

Yeah, brother. Yeah. And you know, and I have to tell you, man, semper fi, man, you know, we're all here. We're both Marines. And we served our country and, and now now we're both in recovery. And it's really awesome to see another brother that has has gone through struggles, and that is come out the other side, and is now being another productive member in society, and wanting to get that word out and recover out loud, so that other people understand that they don't have to suffer anymore.

Tim L: 6:56

Absolutely. No, it's, this is my passion. Now I have to share.

Carl Fessenden: 7:01

Yeah, I feel the same way man in you know, and I say it all the time. But that's why I started the podcast is that you know, I just have this urge, where, you know, I want to reach a larger audience. And this is a great way to do it and having people on like you that can share their experience, strength and hope, and their stories, and everything is a great way for us to hear outside of our regular circle of friends and the community that we involve ourselves with, you know, podcasting is a great way to get that message out to other people. And I hear that you're doing quite a few shows. And within the past, you said six months, you've been doing a lot of shows, podcast shows.

Tim L: 7:39

Yeah, I mean, I got out of rehab that 32 days and rehab in March, and I really wasn't ready to share. I'll think I was comfortable enough at that time. But about four to five months in, I started speaking at my meetings at my fellowship. And then about a month after that, which is about six months into my sobriety, I was like, You know what, I feel comfortable. Now I'm gonna start messaging podcasts. And I went down the line, I literally I did the law of numbers, I think I messaged like 30 or 40 podcasts. And like four or five got back to me. And I did that again the next month. And I did it for like three or four months. And now I get I get messages from podcasts asking me if I want to be on so I really played the numbers game on that one. But it seems to be doing really good. And I'm really thankful that I am able to share my story with those still suffering.

Carl Fessenden: 8:32

Yes. And you know, and like you and I both know, it's it's so important for people that have addictions, to be able to hear these stories, and to be able to relate to other people. And you know, and I hope that the story you're going to tell today is going to be able to reach somebody out there so that they realize that you know what, man? We don't have to suffer like this anymore. And we do recover?

Tim L: 8:57

Absolutely, we do recover. And that's the major, major point of my story. And why share because we all lose hope at some point. And we all think there's no possible way that we can get sober or stay sober. And that is the furthest from the truth.

Carl Fessenden: 9:13

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely, man. So I'm reading your shirt. It says don't give up. You've got a couple of what does it say?

Tim L: 9:23

It says, Don't give up. You still got a couple motherfuckers to prove wrong.

Carl Fessenden: 9:27

All right, there we go. That's gonna be the that'll be the quote of the day. Maybe we should turn that into the title of the show.

Tim L: 9:37

Yeah, right. I've had this shirt for like 12 years, and I work in active addiction. But I got it because I suffer from bipolar and depression. Okay. And I've had suicidal attempts and suicidal thoughts, and I got the shirt to remind myself never to give up. Yeah. But unfortunately, I did at one point, and thankfully, I'm still here to tell my story now.

Carl Fessenden: 10:02

Yeah. And you know, and I think that that shirt actually has a double meaning to it. Because, you know, out in active addiction, yeah, we can say that, you know what, hey, we have we have motherfuckers that we're going to prove wrong, right. But now we really have to live by those things. And I think maybe even the idea that we need to prove somebody wrong. But what if we say we need to prove our worth to ourselves. Because, you know, we're the people that we've let down just as much as other people. But when it comes to recovery, we are the ones that have to start to learn how to appreciate ourselves and love ourselves first, before we can spread that love and appreciation to the rest of the world.

Tim L: 10:49

100% and, you know, if you're looking for somebody's appreciation, or pat on the back, nine times out of 10 You're not gonna get it and they're gonna let you down and they're like, Why did I even do this? Because you need to do it for yourself.

Carl Fessenden: 11:04

Yeah, absolutely. And that's part of that, that selfishness of the program that I find I do. I find that so interesting, because they say that we work a selfless program. But at the same time, they're like, make sure that you have time and you take time for yourself and make sure you do all of these things for yourself. So, I get a little like, it confuses me sometimes when I hear people say, Well, we are a selfless program. And I'm like, motherfucker, no, we're not. I just, I just took time for myself earlier.

Tim L: 11:38

The number one person you're taking, taking care of is yourself. Exactly. Without taking care of yourself. Nobody else matters at that point, because you know, you beat yourself,

Carl Fessenden: 11:48

right? Exactly, man. Exactly. Alright, man. So you're you're a Marine. What did you do in the Marine Corps? Man? I was a 311. Infantry. Oh, a ground pounder? Yes, sir. That's right. Okay, so I was in Oh, 341. And okay. motorman. And yes, more than that. Yeah. You know, so, what did you put on your resume? I just curious after you got out of the Marine Corps. What did you What did you put as your job description in the Marines?

Tim L: 12:19

When I got so my father was a police officer for 36 years. Okay. So when I got out of the Marine Corps, he was like, You got to be a police officer. There's no other job out there for you. Right qualified, they're gonna they're gonna take you your phone, the military, you you already you already know how to conduct yourself under pressure. He's like, don't take it. So I did. I applied for the state police to county police, the city police Transportation Authority. And I passed all the tests, I got down to the last test for the state police. And it happened to be the same weekend that my mother had booked a skiing trip to Vancouver, Canada, black home and Whistler Mountain. And it was all paid for and I'm 20 at this time, and I'm like, Man, do I do I want to take this test to be a police officer? Or do I want to go ski at the highest mountain in the world. And one of the most beautiful places. I'm like, I'm going skiing. So I never took that last test. And I never ended up becoming a police officer. And now that I look back on it, I know now it just wasn't meant to be because I don't think mentally I could have handled the job at that time in my life.

Carl Fessenden: 13:36

Right? You know, you talk about that mental state. And you and I both have gone through the school of infantry. And man, I gotta tell you so so when I when I went through basic training, I was mentally prepared for basic training. I went into basic knowing that everything I was going to do was going to be 100% Wrong. And you know, in there is just no possible way to escape. You know, getting smoked out in the pit or you know, getting smoked up on the quarter deck. And and when I tell people getting smoked that means that they are like making us do push ups and making us do side straddle hops, and we're doing mountain climbers. And, you know, and our drill instructors are just up there, saying, Okay, now you're going to do sidesaddle hops. And then you start doing them and say, Okay, now mountain climbers and you got to hit the deck and you'd go into your mountain climber. Okay, now we're going to do sidesaddle hops again. Now we're going to do push ups and it's just this relentless workout regime and I was a diet free cruise. going, Oh, guys, okay, I was already I was already like 20 pounds overweight from what I needed to be okay, signing up for the Marines. And then I lost the 20 pounds and then I met the the maximum requirement of their weight standard. And I remember I remember my my recruiter Sergeant Lopez, man, I'm never forget that guy. I actually I had three, wait type three recruiters. No, I too, because Sergeant Lopez cycled out, but he was the original one. And so he put the sauna suit on me and he would take me out to the racquetball courts and just like, totally just make me run the racquetball courts. And I would go out with the sauna suit. And if you've worn a sauna suit before you know that it's elastic bands, around every single opening of the suit, so your neck, your arms and the waist, and the new wear pants, which are sauna suit pants, and you know, I went out and I leaned over and I took the waistband, and I just kind of like tilted it up and like all this water poured out. And so he he kept me at his house, which was on Travis Air Force Base. The day that I had to or the night before I had to go weigh in because he wanted to make sure I didn't eat anything or drink anything. And so I pass man, but you know, going through basic training man, I was prepared for that. I was 100% prepared, like I was an art JROTC in high school. Dude, I was ready for it. But man, I wasn't ready for the School of infantry. I wasn't ready for that next level man. And you know, it's it's something that that has bothered me ever since I got out of the middle Military. But I had an admin separation from the Marine Corps, about halfway through the school of infantry because I was having a lot of like mental health issues. And so they sent me over to the psychiatrist over at the Navy hospital. And they said, Hey, man, you know, we got, you're here, tell us your problems. And so I saw the Psych and I cycled out of my platoon right in the middle of school of infantry. And then they admin discharged me basically with a failure to adapt to military lifestyle. But I was getting so wound up at the School of infantry, like, I had my best friend, adjust my adjust my collar, and dude, I laid him out on the deck, like, for just touching me, and I was so wound up and so it was really rough for me. And so I've always wondered, like, you know, where could my life have gone? Had I completed my four year contract, and then two years reserve? But you know, what, like you with the police force? Man, you know, we both took the separate paths. And with the separate paths, now, we've been placed in a position where we can help people, we can spread the word about addiction, we can share our stories out there. So you know, sometimes I wonder, you know, where could my life have gone? Had I stuck it out and chosen to go down this path? Do you ever feel that way with the with the police force, like, had you decided to stay and not go on the ski trip? Which, dude, I'll tell you, man, like, I love skiing. And and I probably would have gone on the ski trip too. But, like, if you had stayed, do you think that you might not even have gotten into an addictive path?

Tim L: 18:03

You know, that's, that's funny that you said that, because I was actually thinking about this the other day, and it does pop up every once in a while, you know, a lot of people that I graduated high school with became police officers, right? And, and they're my age to 45. And they got like, one year left, and they're retiring with full benefits, full pensions. It's crazy. They'll make like 80 to $100,000 a year, return the rest of their lives and retirement and they don't have to work. And sometimes I'm like, Man, I could have done that. I should have done that. Right. But now that I'm sober, and I'm working recovery in the steps, I just know that that was not my path. Right? So I cannot dwell on that any longer. But I did think about it the other day, when I was talking to my body. I was like, man, like, how long have you been on? He's like, I've been in 25 years, because I got one more year and I can retire.

Carl Fessenden: 18:55

Wow, do the winning. Right. Crazy.

Tim L: 18:58

Yeah, I mean, he went into 20 Got out of police academy at 21. He's 45. So 24 year almost, yeah, 24 years. And I'm like, man, and I'm thinking to myself, you know, I'm 45 When I got out of the Marine, okay, before I went in the Marines, I had two jobs. I was a dishwasher at the VFW from the age of 13 to 15. And then I worked at Metro food markets all through high school, okay. And then I went to the Marine Corps. When I got out of the Marine Corps, up until about 10 years ago, I had 46

Carl Fessenden: 19:31

jobs. Wow.

Tim L: 19:34

And I couldn't keep a job due to alcoholism, drug addiction, and bipolar disorder. Wow. And I never put that together until now. Because I just always thought, I just don't like to do this. This isn't my passion. I know, I should I be doing something else. And I'd go to work for months. And I'd be the next best thing since sliced bread. And then I just lose interest and start calling out or just quitting, looking for the next job. And that was a cycle for 20 years, man, like just on and off, on and off and on and off. But I always found myself going back to carpentry. There's just something about taking something that looks awful, reconstructing it and making it look incredible. It's a sense of pride and accomplishment. And I've always liked that. And even though carpentry is the same thing, the jobs are always different. So it's not like you're doing the same thing every single day. It could be doing a bathroom, you could be building a deck, you could be doing a kitchen, you can be laying floors, you know, it's the same thing, but it's not right. So I think that also kept me interested because I was always doing something different. And I was always learning something new. And yeah, that's besides speaking and sharing my story that I've really found a job that I don't call a job I love going to work every day. Now, I mean, I don't wake up, man, I kind of go to work today. Right? I really enjoy going to work I really enjoy doing my job and I say it all the time and A lot of my friends hate their job, they go to pay the bills and keep the lights on. Yeah. And they're miserable. I, I'm blessed. I'm blessed to have a job that I love going through every day.

Carl Fessenden: 21:29

That's, that's, that's awesome. Yeah, yeah. But

Tim L: 21:33

I don't think about the police force too much anymore. I just don't. I've learned not to dwell on the past.

Carl Fessenden: 21:39

Yeah. And you know, and that, that also applies to me too. Because, you know, I used to dwell on the past. I'm like, oh, man, I didn't complete my military service. And then I always felt like that was kind of like, the ripple that started the, the tsunami effect of how I conducted myself in jobs was that it was, you know, dude, I have like a resume that is, like, 10 pages long. I mean, and especially, like, jobs I did, right of military service. And, you know, and I would work a job for like, three months. I mean, I fuck that job. I don't like it anymore. It's boring. Or, you know, I want to go do something else. And, and stuff like that. And so, what I've learned in recovery is that, you know, we have to trust this process, and whatever you feel the process is for you. But the process is always different. And to give ourselves to this process, and so you know, what, if it works out, that's great. If it doesn't work out, that's okay, too, because maybe there's a reason why it doesn't work out for us.

Tim L: 22:40

So that's the way I look at everything, I changed my perspective on how I did things.

Carl Fessenden: 22:45

Yeah. Yeah. And that's, it's so important to be able to do that, because I see so many people out there that you know, just dwell on, and even the clients that we have coming into our treatments and our own stuff, you know, I'm like, dude, you've got to let this go. Like, if it works out with your girlfriend, great. If it doesn't, you know, you'll there will be somebody else. And I don't know when that's gonna happen. But down the road, there will be somebody else. And, you know, maybe it's good for you right now, maybe you get a chance to work on yourself, and you don't have this other distraction for you. Oh, man, I really thought about it.

Tim L: 23:17

And, you know, one of my biggest things that I always held on to was, you know, at the age of six, my father, and my mother got a divorce. Okay, I have a brother who's 10 years older than me. So he was already in high school. Yeah. And so my father, still to this day is not really in my life. And as a young boy growing up, I always thought it was my fault that they got a divorce. Why didn't he love me? Why didn't he stick around? As long as he did with my older brother? Is there something wrong with me. And you know, he would call and be like, I'm coming to pick you up on the weekend. He didn't show up. And that happened multiple, multiple times, where I'll be waiting at the front door with my bags packed, waiting to go hang out with my father. And he would call and say, I got to work overtime, I gotta, like something else came up. And that happened a lot. And all through my 20s and 30s. I always had that wanting of acknowledgement and acceptance from my father. Yeah, because I felt as if it wasn't there. And I also use that as a reason why I drank and drum and I gave it as that was an excuse. My father didn't love me. My father wasn't there. You know, I never really knew my grant, my real Grandfather, I never really knew my dad's side of the family. Like, I always thought there was a missing piece in my life. It wasn't until probably last year, right before I got sober that I finally I was talking to my mom one day, and she's like, Honey, she's like, you know, you had nothing to do with with why we got a divorce. Your father liked other women. Yeah, she's like, and I couldn't deal with that. And we just had to get a divorce. She said it had nothing to do with you. And I finally started to realize, you know, looking back on how he was, my father was selfish. She was egotistical. He's kind of an ass. And, and that's just who he is, right. And I accepted that because at the end of the day, it really had nothing to do with me. And here I am, late 30s. And I'm still holding on to something that effect that started when I was six, and seven and eight. And I'm like, I can't do this anymore. It's weighing me down. It's really putting, you know, a lot of weight on my shoulders and my heart. And I finally was just like, you know, I accept my father for two years. I love him. He's my dad. I know he loves me, but we just don't have a a kind of relationship that a normal father and son would have that. I know if normal is such a thing. But you know, since I have been sober, him and my mom do speak, and I haven't seen my father in three years. And he saw her the other day and he said, How's Timmy doing? And she said, Pete, he's doing incredible he's coming up on one year. He's going to meetings. He's talking on podcast. He's sharing your story. And she said he got quiet. And then said, Well, what about me? Are we ever going to talk again? Yeah. And she and she said, Well, he's working on his steps. And one of the steps is making amends. Yeah, she's like, so I'm sure in the future that you guys will speak again. Yeah. And she said, he kinda like it took him back. And he kind of smiled. Well, two days ago, they called my mom and said, Can I have Tim's phone number? Because I like to text them? Yeah, that still I still haven't gotten that text. But the fact that he asked my mom for my number means he wants to reach out. Yeah. And I am completely acceptable that I want to do it. I would love to go to lunch or dinner with him and just talk to him. Because to be honest with you, he has never seen his son sober.

Carl Fessenden: 27:08

Wow, that's incredible.

Tim L: 27:10

Yeah, I've been drinking and drugging since the age of 17. And he's ever really he's never seen this person.

Carl Fessenden: 27:19

Wow. That's, that's, that's so incredible. And that, you know, that just warms my heart to see that, you know, he's he's taking that first step to gain the information to reach out and still the ball is in his court. Right. And so, hopefully he does it soon, man. I really hope he does. And, dude, I hope you keep me up to date on that man.

Tim L: 27:43

Yeah, I hope he does, too. I really do. You know, a couple months ago, he had a cancer scare where they found some spots on his on his, I think underneath of his armpit. And they took it off. And they did biopsies and stuff. And luckily, it came out benign. But at that point, I was like, Maybe I should call him because just in case my father 75. I mean, he's, he's older. He's a lot older. And I was like, Maybe I should, but I didn't feel ready at that point. I've always said I wanted to wait till I have one year. Yeah. And that just passed on Saturday. So I'm prepared now. Because I feel as if I have something to show him. Right. You know what I mean? I really do. I feel I have one year and, and I've learned so much about myself and so much about life. And I would love to share with him my journey of what I've been through.

Carl Fessenden: 28:35

Yeah. That's, that's really incredible that you that you had that goal, like it one year, you're going to go and now talk to him and be like, hey, you know, man, this is the side that you haven't seen. And I know that there's a lot of things that we need to talk about. And there's going to be a time and place for that, you know, I had a kind of a similar thing, because I was adopted. And I always wanted to go and like find my my birth parents. But I had I saw I had two things, right. I first had a fear of like, well, you know, what, if they're like me, you know, what if, what if they're struggling with addiction or something like that, like me? And so and the other thing was, you know, what if they don't want to talk to me, because that would be rejection, right? I so at a year, I did a DNA test. And I was able to, through the DNA test, I was able to find my two twin sisters. And you know, I've made contact with them. I'm now they're part of the family and stuff, but like you, I had that thing like, Man, I need to have something to show these people. I can't just be like, Dude, I just got out of rehab. And hey, here I am in your life. Right in so you know, it's, it was kind of that same thing for me where like, I wanted to have something to show them to be like, you know, hey, yeah, this is something that I'm doing and I'm taking serious and it's not just a phase in my life. And fuck, man, that was three years ago because I just came up on four years. So awesome graduation, congrats, dude. Congratulations on your one year. That is so fucking big. Like, oh my gosh, that is huge brother. In fact, I'm

Tim L: 30:22

just I've been sober since I was 17. Ever.

Carl Fessenden: 30:25

Wow, you know, I have something for you. I'm gonna send you something man that I've, I've carried around with me and my buddy Mike, who's also a Marine, over a Duffy's and so there I'm gonna go off camera here just for a second guys. I want to grab my little coin box up here all right. And I know I know you guys that are listening right now you you can't see this but I've got this box here. And it's a cigar box. And it has everything that is recovery for me in the box. And Tim and I went to San Diego for both called Hollywood. Wait, no. Where did you go

Tim L: 31:16

now? I went to Parris Island, buddy. Oh,

Carl Fessenden: 31:21

oh, I'm so glad I'm not sending you this. I have something else I'm going to send you. Because I want to commemorate your one year. And so I have this challenge coin here. And it says, awesome. So on the front side, it says Death smiles at everybody. And it has a picture of the Grim Reaper on it. And on the flip side, it says, it has chesty on it and it says marine smile back, back, and I'm gonna, I'm gonna send that to you, man. So I got your address, dude, I'm gonna send that to you for your one year and congratulations on that. But

Tim L: 32:03

dude, that is so awesome call. Thank you, dude, I don't even know what to say, man.

Carl Fessenden: 32:08

Well, I really don't you know what, man? Those are the gifts of recovery. Right, did

Tim L: 32:13

you? Thank you, brother. That is Yeah, credible.

Carl Fessenden: 32:17

And my buddy Mike gave this to me when I hit my one year. And he said you got to find somebody to give this back to. And so you just hit We're your one year and I know that we are a little far away apart because you're all the way on the East Coast. I'm over here on the West Coast. Yeah, dude, I was gonna, so I wasn't gonna send you this one. And it's. So this is another challenge coin that I got. And this he gave this one to me too, because we were both. He was also a Hollywood Marine. And for those of you that don't know, this is like a big deal in the Marine Corps. Like, all of these all of these fuckers over on the east coast. They make fun of us. They're like, Oh, you Hollywood Marines. You know, you just kind of look good for the camera and stuff. And we're like, fuck you. Because it was our with the swamps and alligators, right? No. Okay, so we had, okay, so it rained twice when I was in basic training. And I went right in the middle of December. And wow. And so you know, it was it was nice beachy with her the whole time. We were in basic training, although when we went up north because we had to go to Camp Pendleton. Okay. And is that where you did? Your school of infantry was in California.

Tim L: 33:33

I did it. I did it in North Carolina combat

Carl Fessenden: 33:35

cheese.

Tim L: 33:38

Everything was on the East Coast. And then I was stationed in Canada, June, North Carolina.

Carl Fessenden: 33:42

Okay, I was supposed to go to camp last June. In fact, I don't know if I still have it. I found my spiral bound, little minute notebook. And it was a letter I was writing to my mom while I was in the School of infantry, telling her so I was going to do med floats. And I was going to be a fleet Marine. And so like I even had, I even had a platoon or a company number in a platoon number. And then that was where I was going to go so I was actually slated to go to camp platoon I was a camp lunar Cherry Point, one of the two. But um, I was gonna send you this one and this this is another challenge coin here. And it says the United States Marine Corps earned never given where Marines are made and so it has the ECA symbol on it. And then it has a yellow footprints, which is synonymous to the Marine Corps intake and basic training. They have yellow footprints, which are footprints at 45 degree angles. So that we already start to adapt to the position of attention when the first thing when you get off the bus and but down here it says MCRD San Diego so I'm really glad I didn't send you that one because I I don't know if you would have like done a return to sender. But dude, I'm gonna send this one over to you. This this challenge coin here. This was in my office over a Duffy's and we did a lot of VA clients over there. And so and this was the challenge coin that I passed around in my groups, when we do our men's group for the VA clients and they would all share and, and I loved doing it because all the airforce guys would look at it and they're like death smiles back. Oh, that's so cool. Then they look fucking Marines. Right. I'm like, Well, when you get to facilitate a group and you get to run a group, then you can bring your challenge coin in. But you know what? To welcome to treatment.

Tim L: 35:45

Absolutely.

Carl Fessenden: 35:47

Right. Exactly. push another button and sit in your chair. The Navy guys were the worst man cuz they'd be like, Oh my god, the Marines. I just I just looked at him. Hey, man. So you Uber Lyft. Now cuz thanks for the ride, buddy. Absolutely. Your taxi. Taxi. Exactly. Exactly. So well. That's cool, man. So tell me a little bit about what's happening with you. Now you work construction. And you told me offline that you the company you work at everybody there is in recovery or almost everybody there is in recovery. Is that right?

Tim L: 36:22

Yeah, everybody is. So I've, I've subcontracted for several companies over the years. So I basically I've worked for myself, but companies called me in to work for them. So I'm the last four years of my addiction was the height of my addiction, and was the worst point in my life that I've ever gotten in my alcoholism. Yeah. And I say alcoholism, drug addiction, because, luckily for me, about four years ago, I stopped using pain medicine. Now, I did smoke pot, but I didn't consider that, you know, a life threatening drug. So when I was doing pain pills and drinking, I was definitely gambling with my life. Yeah. So four years ago, I luckily, I tell you the story real quick, and I'll move on. I had seven surgeries in like 18 months. This is all from I was a amateur mixed martial arts fighter. And I tore my rotator cuffs. I had neck surgeries, ankle surgery, hernia surgery. So the doctors kept giving me pain medicine. And I was drinking on top of it. And subconsciously, I was like, Man, this isn't good. Because a lot of people die from taking pain, medicine and drinking. Yeah. And because I was an addict, I wasn't just taking a medicine one every four hours, I was taking two or three every two to three hours. And I wasn't just drinking a beer. I was drinking 12 to 18 beers, so I was really getting it. And one night i i was like, I can't live like this anymore. I don't want to live like this anymore. I went to Panama to go away. And I took 18 Percocet, wow. And I I drank 12 beers. And I literally laid in the bed. And I said, Please, God, don't let me wake up tomorrow, because I don't want to live like this anymore. And I woke up the next morning, that next morning, I went into the bathroom and poured all the pain medicine down the toilet. And I haven't touched any pain medicine and going on five years now. It's like four and a half. I was sick as a dog for a week. But I knew that was coming because I had been on Main medicine for close to two years straight. And I accepted it. And I remember looking in the mirror and being like, just suck it up just did, you're gonna you know, you're gonna be sick. And I went through it. And I remember looking at myself in the mirror and saying, I'm never doing this again. Yeah, and I haven't. But my my, my addiction of Apple just kept going. But I would always work for these different companies. And the last company that I worked for, I really liked the company, we would rehab apartment buildings, and they would buy huge buildings with 30 to 50 to 60 apartments. And we would go in and work on each apartment over and over and over again. And two of the guys there were in recovery. And the rest of them were actually all on drugs. And unfortunately, the sons owner was a heavy addict himself. And, you know, he would do the whole come in in the morning happy by lunchtime, angry by afternoon happy again, you could tell when he would use during the day. Yeah. And it kind of started to bother me. But I just accepted because I needed a job. They paid me well. And I liked what I was doing. And Christmas came this past year. And I actually ended up getting pneumonia in COVID. And I was out of work for three weeks. And when I went back to work, I was there for one day and he comes in he's like, Dude, we're down to the last apartment. We're not settling on the other building for like four months, I had no work to keep it going until April. He's like but go ahead and call this guy who was our plumber that we had worked with on this apartment building for like eight months. So I've worked with them side by side for eight months. So I knew him. He's like, give him a call. See if he has any work to hold you over till April. He goes when April comes I'll bring you back. So I call. I came at work. He's like Hell yeah, dude, I'm swamped. He goes, I could use a carpenter. He said because I go into these bathrooms us and I have to subcontract out the carpentry work for me to do my plumbing. You can come along, we can work together. And you know, we'll see how it goes. So I he's like start new start Monday. This was like Wednesday. I'm like hell yeah. Cool. So I had a couple of days off and started Monday. So I get in there and we're talking and he's like, yeah, he was, you know, you know, I'm in recovery. Right? And I'm like, No, yeah, I have eight years. Wow. I was like, I didn't know that. He goes yeah, he's I've actually he goes I've had 10 years before He's like, and my son was murdered at the age of 19. He's like, and I couldn't take and he goes, I gave up on life. And he goes out, went on an eight year run with drugs and alcohol. He's like, and then luckily enough, I was able to find the room. So he was and now I'm going on eight years. And I said, Oh, that's awesome. He goes, Yeah. And our office manager, the gentleman that runs our Office is my sponsor. He's got 32 years. Wow. Oh, that's incredible. He goes, so we'd like you to start Monday. He's like, what did they pay? I told him, he goes, how about a $10 an hour raise, and I was able to white. And he goes, Yeah, I'll give you a $10 an hour raise, and you're gonna work with nothing. But people in recovery. He goes, I don't hire anybody that's not in our rooms. He goes, I try to hire people that are willing and wanting to work and, you know, are sober. And I was like, that's incredible. And, you know, I hung up the phone with him. And I called my wife and along with all the things that have happened to me over this past year, in sobriety, I stopped talking things up as coincidence, right. And I call my wife and I'm like, You're not gonna believe this. I was like, not only does he want me to start on Monday, he's giving me a $10 an hour raise, and everybody that you works with is sober and in recovery and active in the rooms. And she's like, You can't tell me that that wasn't your higher powers path leading you in that direction. Yeah. It's just so amazing. So I don't get when we when we drive together, we talk about step work. We talk about traditions, we talk about stories in the meetings, like we have a common bond, that as we know, people who do not suffer from addiction or who are in recovery don't really have, right, we we are lucky, we are the lucky ones. We are special people that get to live in recovery. Because I truly believe that people that live the steps of recovery, become better human beings all the way around, you know, we live life. And we look at life completely different than the normies, as they say, We have a ambition to get things done over and above normal people. Like when we are in our addiction. We go 100 miles an hour. And if we can take that mindset and apply it to becoming successful or becoming suitable or having recovery, we go above and beyond what normal people would do.

Carl Fessenden: 43:52

Yeah, dude, that's so incredible, man. And like, so that reminds me of the times that I have thought to myself, especially when I worked at Duffy's in Napa Valley, which is a it's it's a private pay facility. So it's it's higher end, it's a for profit facility. And everybody there with the exception of maybe two or three people on the whole staff. And we're, and I'm not talking like they have they even had housekeepers that would come in and like clean up after you. Like it was you know, it's that type of like, high end facility where they have four or five chefs that cook during the week, and you know, and all these other crazy things that you're like, dude, in my rehab, we had to wash our own dishes, you know, you know, but like, here, it's like, man, you know, we've got, you know, it's bougie. And so, everybody there man was in recovery. And it was so crazy and so awesome to work with people that were some like minded like us. Because when we have a problem, we go about working the problem in a different way than then what we consider to be a Normie. Right? There's a thought process that is different for us. And we take information and we process it different. And that's different for everybody, depending on what where they're at in their own recovery. Because if you and I look at the way we used to do our thought processing, before we started working the steps and before we started working with a sponsor and stuff, I mean, it's like night and day, man.

Tim L: 45:33

It was Donnelly motion and spur of the moment and without regard to the consequences.

Carl Fessenden: 45:41

Absolutely. Absolutely. Fuck the consequences, man.

Tim L: 45:46

What consequence do what happens

Carl Fessenden: 45:48

right deal with them when I happens and maybe I'm gonna lie lie to everybody else to try to avoid them. And to fly, man because fuck that wasn't me, man. Good cameras.

Tim L: 45:59

Should Master Master manipulators.

Carl Fessenden: 46:01

That's right, man. It's time to put all of our masks down because we only have one mask that we need to wear. And that's the one that is not placed upon our face because we are who we are.

Tim L: 46:12

Yes, yeah, absolutely.

Carl Fessenden: 46:14

Cool, man. So Well, dude, you Dude, you're so amazing, man. I'm so glad that we're having this conversation tonight. And I, you know, we so Tim and I tried to meet up and I signed him up to do the podcast, like two months ago or something. And so then I called him and I was like, Hey, man, so I'm on my way home and, and just, I'll see in an hour, and he was like, oh, bro, I'm, I'm at dinner with my family.

Tim L: 46:49

It was my daughter's gender reveal for my grants on.

Carl Fessenden: 46:53

Yeah, you couldn't. You couldn't.

Tim L: 46:56

I'm sitting now I'm like, oh, shit at seven o'clock. I have a podcast. And now my wife looks at me. She goes, we just ordered dinner. It's not even at the table. Yeah. I completely forgot. Yeah.

Carl Fessenden: 47:08

But you know what, man that that is just the mindset that you and I are in now. Where you know, man, okay, cool. So that's happening right now. Right? But we don't have to let it ruin our whole day, man. And I was like, Fuck, yeah, man. I got a day off. Right. And I'm like you said, Cool. I can go to dinner earlier. Yeah. Right. Because I at that time, I was doing interviews, and I've changed my interviews now where I do it every other week. Okay, but like a month ago, man I was doing, I was literally doing interviews. Let's see. So I meet with my sponsee. And I go to a meeting on Mondays. And then Tuesday, Wednesday, I was doing interviews. Thursday, I do the live show. And then I also have an interview slot, which doesn't normally get filled after the live show, but I have it there for people. And then Sunday's I have an interview slot. And then the weekends I spend with my partner down in Monterey, and he and I spend the weekend together and stuff and so like, it's literally like every single day I'm doing something. And so when you said hey, I'm at dinner, dude, I almost jumped for joy. Like, this is fun. This is fucking fantastic. Yeah, this worked out totally because I was like, at the point where I was like, Man, I really need a break. So but you know, but then we get to do it today, brother. And, dude, it's been so awesome to have you on the show, man. So, really appreciate it, man. Absolutely, man. So I have I have a little something we're gonna do. And I like to do some rapid fire questions. So how do you feel about doing some of those brother? That's it. All right. All right, Tim. Your rapid fire questions are coming up for you. So let's see here. Where do we gonna do some yes or no questions? Random rapid fire questions. Let's see. All right, let's start out with some one word rapid fire questions. What was your first job? Dishwasher? Dishwasher? All righty. What is your favorite color? Red, red. What is your favorite food? Pizza Pizza. Okay, now let me ask you do you fold your slice in half when you eat it? I do. Okay, that's the only way to eat pizza. I'm just letting everybody out there know that. So you bops and falls all over the place. Exactly. So you're gonna get a you get a ding for that one. All right, who is your hero?

Tim L: 49:34

My hero is me in five years.

Carl Fessenden: 49:36

Okay. I like that man. Where did you go on your last vacation?

Tim L: 49:42

Disneyworld with the family. That's awesome.

Carl Fessenden: 49:45

I love that man. All right, what is your favorite subject in school?

Tim L: 49:50

It was actually Jim. Cool, man.

Carl Fessenden: 49:52

Well, that fits with all the workouts that you do. And if you guys are following him on Instagram, he definitely posts a lot of workout. Pictures and tips and stuff. So it's good stuff there. You putting up there, man? All right. What is your favorite movie genre? 80s 80s ha dude, they're releasing the new top gun in two months.

Tim L: 50:16

I know Madrick coming out with Back to the Future for

Carl Fessenden: 50:20

right dude. And also, they are going to be releasing the spin off of White Men Can't Jump. Are you serious? I swear to you, brother. I would. I put that on a slice of pizza and fold it in half. Alright, when you look at carbs are carbs good or bad? carbs are bad. carbs are bad except when they're involved with pizza. All right. What is your night? My cheat night? That's right, brother. What is your favorite board game?

Tim L: 50:56

Wow, I haven't played board games a while but when we do. We like to play Monopoly.

Carl Fessenden: 51:00

Alright, monopoly that's a good one brother. All right, man. What is your favorite rainy day activity?

Tim L: 51:07

do absolutely nothing and watch movies from the 80s

Carl Fessenden: 51:11

Dude, I love that man. All right. And the last question that we always ask all of our guests on the drunken Warren podcast, who is Your favorite Disney character and just before you answer, Tim, I'm going to put this out there because there is always a question of well, Disney is such an empire now. Anything within the Disney Family currently?

Tim L: 51:32

I'm going old school with okay with the original five. I like goofy.

Carl Fessenden: 51:36

Oh, Goofy. Okay, why do you like goofy man?

Tim L: 51:40

Because I like how he acts like his personality. He's kind of dim witted. And he's funny on the same, same thing. And he's really, I mean, who doesn't like goofy?

Carl Fessenden: 51:49

Yeah, dude, who doesn't like goofy? I mean, really? Goofy is good. I had, I had my friend. Charlie, have you been on the way out podcast?

Tim L: 52:01

No, I have to check if I'm scheduled to do that.

Carl Fessenden: 52:05

Yeah, dude. If you want Charlie's information, I'll get it to you. But there is Yeah, they've been around for like about five years. Also another podcast you should do with my buddy Shane Raymer. Up here in Northern California on that sober guy.

Tim L: 52:20

We have tried to hook up twice and our times have not met. I actually have him in my inbox on my email right now. We have to come up with another time to meet but that's in the works.

Carl Fessenden: 52:30

That's cool, man. That's cool. All right. So tell us a little bit about like if people want to get hold of you and everything. Where can they go to do so?

Tim L: 52:39

My main platform is Instagram. AT T LOD GN AT T lodging. That's where I'm mainly I am on Facebook is as Timothy lodging. But I have seen to get most receptive from reception from people on Instagram. You know, when I started Instagram, when I got out of rehab, I had 352 followers. Since doing all these podcasts posting all this inspirational stuff about hope and recovery. I just hit 73,000.

Carl Fessenden: 53:15

Wow, that's crazy man in a year. That's impressive.

Tim L: 53:22

It's my wife said you think you're cool, don't you? I said no, actually, I don't. I can't wrap my head around. I can't perhaps wrap my head around it. I truly believe that this is where I needed to be in my life at this time for me to get my message out and it's being so received in a positive manner that this truly I believe I found my passion now for life.

Carl Fessenden: 53:44

Yeah, brother. Well, you know, it's, uh, you and I are going to do some more episodes together together because dude, I love talking to you. And I want to do a I want to do a panel episode with for either Veterans Day or Memorial Day coming up. And so I need you to represent the USMC out there for a percent. All right, man. Well, awesome. All right, guys. This has been a wonderful episode with Tim Larkin. And if you guys would like to check out any of his social media links or anything about him, I will have the links posted in the show notes. So just click on more on your podcast app and it will drop down those show notes for you. And it gives you all the links that we've talked about today. And I want to thank everybody for listening to the drunken Warren podcast