Debra Kiva: Grieving Complex Loss & Relationships

My guest today is Debra Kiva. 

Debra is a certified grief educator and coach who works with, and is trained by, renowned grief expert, David Kessler.  Debra facilitates loss groups for Kessler's online grief community, Tender Hearts, and co-facilitates loss groups for grieving complex relationships. And she supports people facing anticipatory grief, the grief of losing a loved one by long term illness/dementia, as she has deep experience in dementia and sibling loss.  As an adult she has experienced the loss of her brother, both parents (who were very difficult/abusive when she was a child), and many friends. 

Debra also devotes her time as the Director of the Hummingbird Choir, a joyful singing community for those with memory challenges and she is the Co-Director of Yuba Spirit Threshold Singers and a member of Whidbey Island Bedside Singers which brings gentle songs to those on the threshold of life, bringing moments of ease and comfort for clients, family and caregivers.  

Debra has begun a new group for working with those who are grieving parents or caregivers were neglectful, narcissistic, emotionally absent, addicted, or mentally ill. She and her co-facilitator Katia Miniovich have created a place where participants can feel understood within the complexities and confusion which may arise from these losses, as these losses are often not recognized by the culture or peers who have had different upbringings. 

Debra believes that healing happens within connection and she is dedicated to serving others, letting them know they are not alone and are held with compassion. 

She supports clients on Zoom and in person in her office on Whidbey Island, Washington.

I first saw Debra’s name through a notice of her grief group and was so intrigued by this offering, recognizing complex grief and loss.  I reached out and I’m so glad she agreed to come on the podcast.  

She and I talk about this deep complexity of grieving loss when the relationships were difficult, for many different reasons.  This isn’t something that I’ve seen talked about in this way before and I share various pieces of my own journey of losing my first husband Eric and the complexity of grieving while recognizing the challenges of our marriage and relationship.

We recorded this conversation in early April and it is serendipitous that it’s being published now, as my father passed away just a few days ago, after a slow decline from Dementia with Lewy Bodys.  I was listening to this conversation to get it ready for publication while with my family during my dad’s final few days and wow, I was so grateful!

Debra, I’m so incredibly grateful for the connection with you and for this conversation.  Your beautiful and graceful presence is a gift in this world.  Creating spaces for talking about and experiencing grief without judgement is an incredible way to make life less difficult. 

And one final thing before we jump into our conversation, I just want to share this quote from Debra:  You don’t get over grief, you just continue and grow around it….  You have to figure out how to move forward and grow around it and find more love than pain.

If you are grieving the loss of a loved one, please know that you are not alone.  Don’t hesitate to reach out if you’d like to connect.

Debra Kiva
Certified Grief Educator/Support Provider
Certified Grief Coach
Certified Grief Movement Guide
debkiva@gmail.com
530 913-0320

Make Life Less Difficult
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