Episode 11: Life, Death, and Divorce (Mini-sode)

The host, Femi the Divine, provides a short life update in this mini-sode. She discusses life, death, and divorce and how to cope with stressful times.

Topics discussed - life, death, divorce, family, loss of a loved one, coping with stress, self care, rest, choosing yourself, grief, personal strength, overcoming obstacles

Contact Info
Email - femithedivine@gmail.com
IG - @femithedivine or @divinehealingpodcast
Web - www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

Contact info - Femi the Divine

 IG @divinehealingpodcast

 www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

 femithedivine@gmail.com

Transcript

0:31

Welcome to the divine healing podcast. I'm your host family, the divine. Welcome back. We are on episode number 11. Today's episode is going to be titled life, death, and. I apologize that I haven't been here in the past month or so, because life has been crazy. And I'm going to get into the why about that in a moment. But if you've enjoyed the show so far, if you've listened to all 10 of the episodes, or even if you've only listened to one, Please head over to iTunes or Spotify or wherever you are listening to your podcasts and leave us a review. Five star reviews, help the show to be invisible to other people so that more people can listen and hear the wonderful things that you all are enjoying about this show. If you really enjoyed the show, share it with. Sharon on your timeline, send it to somebody, even just send me a message, letting me know your thoughts, your feedback, if something resonated with you. And also if there are things that you would like to hear about, please send me a message about potential topics as well. If you have questions so on and so forth, I'm planning on doing a Q and a episode. Pretty soon it's probably going to be episode number 15. But just to talk about some questions folks have, and maybe, they didn't feel comfortable at. Questions that they want us to ask anonymously, I should say. All right. So again, thanks for listening. Please feel free to leave us a review. If you're enjoying the show so far, send me some feedback. My contact information is down in the show notes. Thank you to everyone who has already reached out with feedback from the show, the comments I've gotten from you all have been amazing and wonderful. And I'm just happy to know, and to hear that. You all are benefiting from the information, as I've explained and past episodes is really just me sharing my life with you. All the healing journey I've been over the past few years and the hopes that it would help someone else. Cause that kind of felt lost when I embarked on this journey myself. So today's topic, life, death in the divorce. Part of the reason really the reason why I've been Mia, for the last month or so is because I've been dealing with all of those things. Sometimes life just gets crazy and you need to take a break. The maternal side of my family experienced three deaths within a month. Two of which were folks that were close to. And they both passed within exactly a week of each other. We knew that they were nearing the end of their life and beginning to transition in the months before that. So time was spent, trying to provide enough care life for them around the clock, being back and forth to the hospital. There was another close relative who was also sick and in the hospital, however he is doing better, and no longer. And the space where we thought he was transitioning. So that's a blessing in itself, but he still has some healing to do. Hopefully he will make a full recovery only time, and God will tell us that. But in dealing with death and watching everyone around me and my family, dealing with the deaths and the loss of these folks, All of which were elders in our family. The two that were particularly close to me to my mom to my immediate family, they were elders. In our family, they lived long, prosperous lives up until they felt ill, toward the end of their lives. But, they were well-respected people. They were committed to family and to the community Just all around good people. And, I would say they alive state, they will fall down. I pray that they've transitioned on it. They are sleeping peacefully. Now, ironically, they're both buried in the same cemetery. But trying to get through the process of those funerals was hard. You all know how families can be when it comes to death. People act crazy. Everybody's dealing with their grief and unresolved trauma, maybe going through sugarcoating. Type of situations dealing with money and trying to pay for final expenses. And, people get crazy about money, about what they believe belongs to them, or doesn't belong to whoever else or who's spending what, and who's picking out what and who gets who's belongings and there's all kinds of stuff. Also realizing that everybody processes grief differently. And I watched that play out, literally around me before my. Over the span of a month and a half I would have to give kudos to my mom for watching her navigate all of that and really be a pillar of strength for her family. As those two folks were very close to her and she had a hand in physically caring for them in the day to day. It also, doing all of it with poise and grace and. And integrity no matter who was watching and not to say that she wouldn't have, because she always excused those things, but definitely, taking a back seat and watching her do her thing and handle everything. Most of them maintaining a very busy life of her own. So kudos goes out to her. I've spoken to past episodes about being separated from my husband while my divorce was finalized. Last week was the week before. I don't know, it's been about two weeks. Once that process got moving, we very quickly it took some time to, get things filed and all that kind of stuff because COVID and courts were closed, that kind of thing. But once it moved to bay and moved within two weeks, it was done. I'm grateful that it's over. Still processing my feelings around it. We have been separated for almost two years now. So it's not like it's a fresh wound, but I have to be in a relationship with someone for 12 years and being married for an extended period of time. It is bittersweet For a relationship to have been in my life that long to have ended. There have been some others that were not romantic that were long-term relationships that have ended in, even friendships, I think of a friendship can feel like a death or a divorce. But also realizing that situation needed to end and I chose to end that relationship and that it has been for the better, I'm not going to say that life has been rainbows and cherries, since I made the decision to separate or the time leading up to. The separation, or even after the separation where I pretty much found myself alone and trying to navigate life at 35 plus years old and feeling like I was starting all over, but every day I get up and I do the things that I need to do so that I can move forward and not take it one day at a time. So I said all of that to say that life gets crazy for all of us. Even though we're walking this path and we're doing our healing and we are making the strides to be able to live our best life. That doesn't mean that we will not be faced with obstacles. That doesn't mean that there will not be inconveniences. That does not mean that we won't have struggles and we won't have challenges, but through this process, you will learn better ways to do that. Adversity obstacles, problems, issues, things that pop up. And when they do pop up, those things will go more smoothly. So I have a few tips for you all on how to cope when you're going through rough times. Self-care is very important. The first thing, take time out for yourself. If that means you need to take time off of work. I was out on bereavement leave for my job for most of March. I was in and out working a half a day here, working a day. They're out again, taking time off to do things that I needed to do, to help my mom with things, to help my family with things, take care of my own bangs. I had medical appointments and other things like that. If you can, and you can afford to, or you have leave or whatever your information is take time off. If you need to that's the. They don't take that time off and spend it doing things maybe he shouldn't be doing. But try to find positive ways to cope with whatever it is that you have going on. Second thing, breast when you need to. So you might get to take the time off to the, you can get the rest, but rest, when you need to. I know we live in a world where it's busy and we have to do a million things, try to rest and get eight hours of sleep at night. If you can, if you can't get 8, 5, 6, 7, whatever. But rest when you need to, if you feel tired, if you just need to take a cat nap in the afternoon, do what you need to do, but rest when you can rest, when you feel you need it. Because if you continue to go full speed ahead and you don't, your body is going to force you to third thing, pick and choose your battles. If you're going through a stressful time, especially if it's not just you and it's folks around you is your family. Everything. They were of a fight, everything they were of getting all riled up, everything ain't worth putting your energy into. If it's something that's not that important, or does it have that much of an impact on you and you would prefer not to have it Raul you up and get you off center pick and choose your battles. Sometimes it's just not worth it. Next thing. Do what you can. Again, we have all these obligations or commitments swirling around us, and there are going to be some things where we will not have control of this situation. There will be somethings that do not require our input. There will be some things that you participating in is not going to directly impact your life. Do what you can. If you only have so many hours in a day, do what you can in those hours and then move the rest of the next day. Don't stress yourself out. Don't overwhelm yourself. Do what you can let the rest fall in. Don't feel guilty about that, especially if you're in a stressful time. The last thing you want to do is make yourself feel guilty about what it is that you're not doing. You really are doing their best that you can the next thing. So if you have things that you can't get to you really should prioritize all of the things that you have to get side, try to get the things that are more important on first, try to get the bigger chest on first meeting, or if you want to work the opposite way, maybe you can knock out a few small things first, before you get to some of the bigger things. Can you delegate those things to someone else? Is there someone else that can help. People always say, or if you need anything, call me and let me know. You're going to find out if they really meant that it's okay to ask for help. Take advantage of all those people who have said to you, let me know if you need anything. Other people may have more insight. They may have more expertise and maybe they can get that thing done that you need to do quick more quickly because they have the new. Don't be afraid to ask for help and above all, take a care of yourself. Stress comes along for all of us. We all go through stressful periods in our life, but do not let stress get the best of you. If you need to take a break if you need to rest. Remember growth happens in dragons. And when you come out of the other side of the tunnel, there will be light as always. Thank you all for listening. Don't forget to head over to iTunes, Spotify, or wherever else you receive your podcasts to leave a review. If you are enjoying this show, this episode or any other episode. And before I go, I want to leave you all with an affirmation. I affirm. I will always take the very best. Of myself. Thanks for listening. Bye bye.