Episode 14: Elevation Requires Isolation

The host, Femi the Divine, shares her experiences around loneliness, isolation, and letting go of things that no longer serve you like toxic relationships, and friendships. She also talks about how to cope with being outside of your comfort zone as well as how to go within and be laser focused while on your healing journey.

Topics Discussed - elevation, isolation, friendships, toxic relationships, personal development, rest, relaxation, reflection, navigating the journey, break ups, sadness, seeking support, leaving your comfort zone, etc.

Contact info - Femi the Divine

IG -  @divinehealingpodcast or @femithedivine
Web - www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com
Email - femithedivine@gmail.com

Please follow, share, and leave us a rating if you enjoyed the show! Thanks for listening.

Contact info - Femi the Divine

 IG @divinehealingpodcast

 www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

 femithedivine@gmail.com

Transcript

Femi the Divine 0:31

Hello, welcome to the divine healing podcast. I'm your host. Wimy the divine. And welcome back to this week's show. So we are on episode number 14. If you are new to the show, thank you for listening. And if you're a returning listener. Welcome back. Thank you for pushing the play button as always. Thank you to everyone who has sent feedback regarding the past episodes. Your feedback is greatly appreciated. Our next show number 15 is going to be a Q and a episode. So please feel free to shoot me. Any questions that you have, you can email me. My email is FMI, the divine gmail.com. You can message me on Instagram, the show pages, divine healing podcast, or FMI the divine, which is my personal page. But if you have any questions, anything about any of the past episodes, any of those topics, or, it doesn't have to be a topic that we've already discussed, but just things that you have questions about as it relates to healing, as it relates to spirituality, or as it relates to, anything that. We've discussed here on the podcast. I'm gonna try to keep it short. It probably won't be a lot of questions. But please feel free to send your questions. And so we can do a listener Q and a, I would say, please have them in, by. I would say that Friday before, I think in two weeks from now, we are looking at, if you're listening to this today is Monday, June the 27th. So in two weeks, the Friday before that would be July the eighth. Yeah, July the eighth. Okay. So if you could have any question. and to me by then, I would greatly appreciate it. And then I will go ahead and record the Q and a answers. For the next episode. If you're enjoying the show, please feel free to like share, subscribe, leave us a comment. If you leave us a rating on iTunes or Spotify, that will help the show to become more visible to other folks. If you've enjoyed what you've heard here, shared with a friend, share it on social media, post it on your page. That will bring more listeners to the show. This week's topic is going to be elevation. Requires isolation. And this topic has been on my mind really the past couple of weeks, as I've had some experiences that have literally landed me. In a place of isolation alone. However you wanna look at it. I discussed this in a previous episode. I wanna say it's the episode about 10 things I've learned on my journey to healing. And one thing that you will learn about this particular journey or path or whatever you wanna call it is that it can be lonely. It can be solitary. You can feel like nobody else understands what's going on and what I've been running into. And not just recently, this has been going on, periodically for years where you'll be in situations, you'll be in places you'll be dealing with things and then suddenly they'll go PO. It won't make any sense to you why it happened? What happened, how it happened, something will just go, poof. I know specifically for me, as of lady has been friendships, there are folks that I thought I was good friends with and I thought they were good friends to me. And we seemed to have had a spat about something and real talk. I didn't even know. We didn't have an argument. We didn't have bad words. We were having a regular conversation and they were offended by something. And strangely it's often by text message and I went, and then it's oh, they just start responding. And they stopped speaking to me and I'm like what the heck happened? Like I'm rereading the messages. Did I say something wrong? Did I do something weird? And there's nothing there. And, you reach out to the person, maybe they don't answer, or when they do, you're met with all this animosity why I had to take a step back and reassess and make sure it wasn't me because, we get into this whole thing of if you're the comments, denominator, you must be the issue. And that was legit how I thought, but the more and more I looked at it and I thought about it. I realized that in those particular situations they were offended or bothered or their feathers were ruffled about something. And that had more to do with them and where they were in their healing than where they had to do with me and mine. Several of these situations, the person just flew off the handle. Something, when I reached out and asked what was wrong have you been holding onto this all that time? Like you were upset with me about something that I didn't even know about. Like the one girl was upset about. She didn't like the way I used a particular emoji in the conversation. Like it, it just as on shit, shit, that don't make sense. So I said all of that to. and this has been my experience. It seemed once I began to embark on this journey, especially once I made the decision to separate from my husband, a lot of times, When you are miserable or when you are in a tough spot, misery loves company. And it's you all are all in the same. I hate to use the expression crabs in a barrel, but you all are in the same, loop. And when you choose to do things differently and you choose to do better and try to pull yourself up out of that particular situation, other people see that and they don't like. maybe it's not that they don't like that it's that they wish they could do what you were doing and they don't know how, and they don't wanna ask you for help or they don't see the value in it, or they're too stuck in their own shit. They even understand what is happening, but it's who does she think she is? And. I never want to portray myself as thinking that I am better than other people that I am all seeing. I am all knowing I am all knowledgeable, cuz that ain't it. None of us know everything. We were all born in this world knowing nothing. And we all had to figure it out. I don't purport to be any better than anybody else, but it's like when you are no longer in that same space where they are, and you're no longer nagging and complaining and, unhappy them, seeing your light shine makes them uncomfortable and how they choose to deal with and express that uncomfortableness uncomfortable. Or discomfort, I should say sometimes comes out in the form of lashing out at you. I know in the conversation with the one person of the girl, and she was upset about the emoji and whatever, and, we ended up having this conversation and I'm explaining myself and she's explaining, what she thought and how she felt. And I never wanna invalidate anybody else's feelings, but I explained to her, that was simply not. What I meant, you made an assumption and if you had a question you should have asked, but ended up turning into a whole pep talk about, her learning to trust herself and be more confident and, be present. And she actually ended up thinking me and saying, thanks for the conversation. But I realized that I can't be friends with people like that. It just takes too much time and too much energy for me to worry about. am I making them uncomfortable? Because at the end of the day, I'm going to always be my whole self. It took me too long and I came too far to come to this point to now, then my light for other people, because they're uncomfortable. Them being uncomfortable has nothing to do with me. It has to do with them being uncomfortable with themselves. So I said all of that to. When you are on a journey where you are moving forward, you're choosing yourself, just you choosing yourself. Sometimes ruffles people's feathers. It makes them uncomfortable and angry and whatever else, cuz it's like, how dare she? But it was just like once I chose to move on for my husband, I no longer had any misery in common with a lot of those folks. So it was almost like we really didn't even have anything to discuss anymore. And the relationships began its window. Do you find yourself in a situation where you feel like people are being removed from your life, situations are being removed and it's, again, it's always some weird, strange something that doesn't make any sense. And then it's poof, they're gone. That may be happening because that person plays a situation. It is a distraction from where you're going. It's holding you back from moving forward. It's contributed unnecessary stress, drama, negative energy, whatever it is in your life. I know sometimes that these friendships, these people, these places, these things are hard to let go of. Especially if it's somebody you've been friends with for years, especially if it's a family member or you've been at a job for a long time, whatever the situation is, but understand that you can't move forward. If you're still holding on to your past, if you feel like, there was some kind of misunderstanding or something weird, and you wanna reach out, to try to clarify or see what happened. That was what I did in all of those situations. they're not receptive and it goes left. Maybe it's just time to let that relationship go. And there was one in particular, I really was disappointed by because I, I really had no idea. Like we were supposed to go out, we were supposed to meet me and this particular young lady and the date that she picked, she basically blew me off. And so we rescheduled again for the following week and. I reached out the day before to confirm the day of maybe a few hours before she wanted to change plans at the last minute. And I wasn't amenable to that. I, that's not what I wanted to do. And I wasn't obligated to go along with her changing her plans at the last minute, I put my foot down, I set a boundary. I wasn't rude. I wasn't nasty, and it was literally, okay, maybe we can go another day and she responds back to me and she. Are you sure? And I said, sure, it's cool. I later found out that she blocked me, unfriended me, like on social media, all this crazy stuff. And I'm like what the heck happened? I reached out to her because I was genuinely concerned, she and I have been friends for 10 plus she is, the last conversation we had was literally we can go another day and she unfriended. and then she and I had been messaging her, checking periodically. Like we always did. I think I had messaged her two or three times. She didn't respond. So I'm like dang. Maybe she blocked my number. So I sent her a message, asking if everything was okay. I reached out to her and the following day, I got this nasty text message back from her. And I couldn't quite understand, where the animosity came from, where she was even upset about at this point, this was like 60 days ago. And I thought that this particular young lady was a good friend to me, but the way she name called and was rude and nasty, her tone was nasty. It was almost like. she even said we could be friends if you want you know what? Nope do not want, because I don't know what's going on with you. Maybe she's going through something in her personal life. But none of this lines up with the fact that you wanted to change plans at the last minute, and I told you that, maybe we should go some other time. So there had to be something else. going on behind the scenes. There had to be another reason why things spiraled the way that they did. To be honest with you, I would've rather, she had not answered instead of sending me that nasty message, but it just didn't make any sense. And I realized, it may be the fact that now this situation, this friendship, has ended and that chapter has closed when you choose yourself. When you choose to put yourself first, when you begin to set boundaries for your own safety and wellbeing, you may run into situations like that, where people who are used to you always letting things slide and saying, oh, that's okay. It's not a bother. No worries. Or just going along with the flow that when you suddenly don't want to do that anymore, and you take up for yourself. Now you're the problem. I don't know about y'all, but I've never been in a situation where the decision to choose myself and my own wellbeing was the wrong one. Don't let people walk all over top of you. Don't let people make you feel guilty or feel bad. for choosing your own wellbeing over anything else. You are no good to anybody. You are not taking good care of yourself. So that's what I mean by the elevation requires isolation. Understand that one. If you're on this path, you've been chosen by somebody somewhere, most likely one of your ancestors to embark on this journey, maybe you had some sort of epiphany or. Major life event that, shook things up. Maybe you had a tower moment that led you down this path, people, places, and things are going to be cleared so that you can focus on what it is that you need to do so that you can hear and intu it clearly so that you can figure out your next steps so that you can be guided. along the path toward living your very best life. It won't be easy letting go of people, places and things that you hold near and dear to your heart that you are comfortable with is never easy, but understand that growth is going to be uncomfortable. Maybe those people are being removed. Those things aren't adding any value to your life and you can't take them with you where it is that you are going. It's up to you to determine what it is that you're willing to tolerate and what, and who it is that you are willing to take along with you. You have to do what's best for. so you're probably sitting there okay, FMI. Now you didn't told me that all my friends are gonna go away. All my family I'm gonna lose everything. Okay. So what do I do now? That's not exactly what I said, but it may kind sound daunting. So what do you do now? You take your hermit moment sometimes that's just taking a rest, taking a. Laying back thinking about all of the things that you have going on, thinking about how you arrived here to this point, and then also thinking about where you're going. Take this time alone, to pause, to rest, rest, and reflect. Think about what it is that you really want for your life. Think about the things that you thought you wanted. Maybe now you. Think about the places in your life where you feel stuck, think about some things that you can do to get unstuck. Maybe you can't figure that part out on your own. That's why you feel stuck. You need to seek guidance from somebody else. I know when I kept landing in these situations where I felt like, friends were being removed, I asked about it during deviation. With my priestess. And basically she confirmed what I thought it was. She said those friendships, those situations were not authentic. So it was time to let them go. That mean that was along in the short of it. And the thing is some of the situations, especially the last one, like I have to be honest with you. I was completely shocked when that happened, I take my friendships very seriously, and I'm always willing to help when people ask me to help and I come out in support and I do all of these things, and I'll be honest with everything that I've had going on the last year or so, in COVID and everything else. I probably haven't done as much as those things, as I normally would have, pre COVID. But, these are people who I have bent over backwards for gone out of my way, spent my time, spent my money, rearranged my schedule to accommodate only for them to be pissy with me over a misinterpreted text message like that. Can't be what it's about. Also know that you may never truly get an answer to why a particular situation happened or why somebody did what they. Sometimes you just have to take the L and move on and just know that it's for the greater good. It was their loss, not yours. If somebody is adding confusion and drama and negative energy and stuff to your life, that there's no benefit to keeping them around. If you really feel like that you have a conversation with them about it and maybe they weren't aware or maybe they're working on it, or maybe they're just going through something, and they need some additional support. That's one. but if that's just how they are and that's how they've always been. And in the back of your mind, when people do things that rub you the wrong way, or they don't quite fit right with your spirit, looking back now at all of those situations, I see little small things that I missed, and people who think that they can treat you any kind of way, but then you pull it them on them. And then you're the problem. Again, I understand how all the time it comes back to you being the problem. They always make you the problem. It's not true. It's them. Maybe they aren't where they are, where you are on your healing journey just yet. And that's perfectly fine. We're all works in progress. We're all at different points in our life, but sometimes. you just can't take people with you. I find that in situations like this, it's when there's a clean break, at least in my experience, I realize I don't even miss them people, it's like when they were around, most of the time they were doing negative or nagging or doing this or doing that, so what really? What really are we missing? just something to think about, especially if you're holding onto what we call legacy friendships, those folks that you've been friends with since you were knee high to a grasshopper, and that's really the reason why you're friends and, as adult, you really have that much impairment no more. Sometimes you just gotta let that go. So while you're having your hermit moment, You're arresting, you're regrouping. You're reflecting. Take some time to pray and ask for like-minded people to enter your life. that way you can feel that. Again, like I said, this journey can be a very lonely one. Nobody wants to be lonely and alone and doing. self development work, doing inner healing work, doing all of those things that require you to deep dive. Sometimes you need some additional support to deal with some of the things that come along, you may uncover past memories, things that you haven't dealt with, and you may need some additional support. I suggest that you find somewhere to seek support, whether it be through therapy, whether it be through a trusted, you. Advisor, whether it be through different types of support groups, even if it's just online in Facebook groups, you can find a lot of great info in Facebook groups. You might even make some friends on there. You just never know, maybe join some groups where you think there may be like-minded people or people who are going through the same types of things that you have been going through. So that you don't feel so isolated and alone because loneliness can be a bitch for real. That was one of the things that I never thought would impact me so much, after separating from my husband, because realistically he was never really home. We worked opposite schedules. So either he was home and I wasn't, I was home and he wasn't, but once he was actually gone, it was different. You. You're having a rough day and you're feeling lonely. Maybe get out and just get some sun on your body. Go to the park, maybe go to a bookstore. go to sometimes I like to go to Panera and sit and I've met and struck up conversations with quite a few people. Just sitting in there. I don't know, go to a bar for those of you. Who've been listening for a while. I been light as a bartender. A lot of times I get my social time while I'm at work working, I get to chat with the customers. They get to chat with me and I get to make a little money at the same time, so get out and try some new things, meet some new people, that way you don't feel so alone. maybe go to an activity, buy a ticket to something, maybe go to a class, take a workshop. You may meet like-minded people there. And it's something that, activity that you're doing alone, but with a group, if that makes sense. But don't get yourself down self down, understand that all of this is necessary for growth. Growth happens in darkness. And moving out of your comfort zone is always going to be uncomfortable. That's why they call it a comfort zone. So I hope all of this makes sense to you all. I didn't really have anything planned that I wanted to discuss. I didn't have any notes or anything like I normally do. This is just a topic that, been on my brain. For the last couple of weeks. And I finally got some of the confirmation that I needed this past Friday, but just know that sometimes people, places and things are gonna be removed from your life for the greater good, because in order to elevate, you must isolate. Take this time to really focus. And buckle down on what it is that you want for your life, so that you can truly be happy and create the life that you truly desire. Thank you all for listening to today's show again, do not forget that next week's show is gonna be a Q and a. So please send me your questions so that I can answer them. I will do the answers anonymously. I won't say your name or anything just in case, you don't want anybody to know, but feel free to ask me whatever. If you're enjoying the show, remember to leave us a rating, subscribe, follow share all of the above so that other people can hear show and maybe benefit the same way that you feel that you do. Before I go, I'm gonna leave you all with the affirmation as always. I affirm, I am committed to my growth. Thanks for listening. Bye bye