Episode 2: Self Love is the Ultimate Flex

The host, Femi the Divine, discusses self love and ways to cultivate it along your healing journey.

Contact info - Femi the Divine

 IG @divinehealingpodcast

 www.thedivinehealingpodcast.com

 femithedivine@gmail.com

Transcript

Welcome to the divine healing podcast. I'm your host, Femi the divine. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for tuning in and joining us today. If this is your first time here with us. Thank you for clicking the play button. And if you're joining us from a past episode, welcome back.  Today's topic is going to be self-love.

So I know self love is one of those buzz words that we've been hearing all over the place lately. Self love, self care, self worth healing. It seems like we're kind of in this age of enlightenment and self love is something that often comes up. So let's talk about what is self-love. A lot of times people think self love and self care, the same thing, but they're not, and we'll get into that.

But self love is basically the way I understand it is acceptance. It's acceptance of yourself. It's compassion for yourself. It is loving yourself, wholly and completely without comparing. That's the easiest way. I've come to understand it. It's loving your whole self. A lot of times when we are in a space where we are lacking self-love and that could be because  we've gone through a rough period of time and , the love that we have for ourselves, maybe when we never had it, or for two, we went through a period of time where, , we've basically been beaten down by life and different life circumstances to.

, we are feeling low and we're not feeling our best and maybe we are struggling with self-love. So we want to get back to that space of, again, acceptance of loving yourself completely without comparison to anybody else, , just defining your self worth for what it is that it means to you.

And I think a lot of times that's the key because we often. The way that we feel about ourselves and the relationship that we feel about ourselves  is based on the way we've been conditioned growing up. What other people have said about us, , we formed opinions of ourselves, especially as children around what other people have told us about ourselves, what other people have ingrained in ourselves.

 As an adult, it's something that you may need to go back every year. 'cause a lot of those things that you have been taught or were told, , one, they may not have been true, especially if they were bad things. And I guess sometimes you run into things where, , people are overly positive and maybe those things may not be true either.

, they were kind of just, , building you up, but recognizing what it means for you, because this is your life. This is your body. This is your mind. This is your spirit. So how do you feel. And how do you show yourself compassion each and every day?  I'm a definition person.

So in preparation for this episode, I did some research and the most comprehensive definition I found was for self-love was a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological, and spirit. And that is from a psychiatrist named kosha. Her name is Debra Chava, but that was the most comprehensive definition that I found.

And it brings us to my next point because  it's deeper than okay. Oh, you're just got to love yourself. Oh, love yourself before you can love anybody else, , because that shit is hard. Like, especially if you've gone through a rough time with. You have literally been beaten down, , you've hit rock bottom.

You really probably are feeling that great about yourself. And if you are, you might be in denial about some of the other things that are going on. It is natural to go through periods of time where you feel low life is a series of ups and downs. But the important thing is to be able to understand that it's okay to not be okay, but Donald stay there and don't dwell in that space.

You have to pick yourself up. And start fresh. I'm not even going to say over because that insinuates, that what you did in the past was wrong or was not adequate, or what's not good enough, but just start fresh. You can hit the reset button any time you feel ready, this is your life.  The relationship that you have with yourself, and self-love keep in mind that it feeds into your self-worth.

It feeds into your self esteem. It feeds into your value. It feeds into your self-respect.  A lot of times, if we are lacking in self love, so we're lacking in all these other things, you may have low self-esteem. You may not be practicing yourself care. You may not value yourself or be upholding the values that you have instilled in.

You. You may not be feeling worthy.  All of those things are different. Self love is self love and self care is something different self-worth and self-esteem are something different values are something different, but they all kind of fall under the same kind of umbrella and you have to get back to, well, what does self level.

There somebody who has never been in a space where you've ever totally loved yourself. And that can be easy in this society, especially as black people, especially as black women, where you are turning on the television and you're opening the magazines and you may not see women that look like you, , you may go to work and you're are the only black person or the only person that looks like you, , so it can be hard to find love for yourself where you live in a society that is constantly telling you that.

Are not worthy or that you should not be celebrated. And while it may not be explicitly said, in those words, we feel it again. When we look at the television, we look in the magazines, , we see all of the standards that are being upheld. It is very difficult to identify, , who you are when you don't see yourself represented anywhere.

That's why representation is important. So what does  self love look like? And how can we cultivate it? So first start by getting to know yourself, except everything about yourself. Good and bad. What are your strengths? Where are there opportunities for growth and refinement? Think about those things as they relate to where you are now and not necessarily.

What you were programmed to believe. I mean, things that we may be sitting here and saying, oh, I accept the good and the bad, , are the bad things really bad? Or is that what you were taught? You may want to take a look at that as well. If they're not really bad, why do you feel that way?  It may cause it may call for some reframing of some of the things that we consider to be good and bad.

The next thing we want to do is we want to  be present in your body. So that goes back to accepting, , strengths and also thinking about where there are areas for refinement. This is going to differ for every single person, but just be  physically present in your body. Take a look at it.

Think about all of the things that you love. If there are things that you don't particularly love, think about those things too, and embrace them because this is the only body that you have. The only one you have. So. If there are things that you don't particularly care for, that you can change and you want to change them for you and not for anybody else change it.

We all have things that, , we may want to change or work on or improve. There's nothing wrong with that. Having things that you want to  improve does not mean that you don't love yourself, but it should be coming from a place of, okay, I'm doing this for me because this is what's going to make me happy.

 Just keep that in mind before. In your body speak positively to yourself.  Some ways you can do this is by doing mirror work.  Mirror work is basically you standing in front of the mirror. A lot of people do this when they say their affirmations, they stand in the mirror, they look themselves in the eye and they say different affirmations.

You can write your own affirmations. You can find affirmations on the internet. There are books full of affirmations. But using an affirmation, you are retraining your brain to believe whatever it is that you are saying.  An example would be something, something, something, something as simple as I am worthy, I am healthy.

I'm wealthy. What is that thing? Mr.  I am healthy. I am both the, I am rich. I am that bitch. And I'm going to go get that bag and I'm not going to take your shit. That whole thing. That's nothing but a big ass affirmation. And every time I hear that, I think, oh my God, that is so cute. But it's real though.

All of those things that she said, those are positive affirmations and she is affirming each and every one of those things in her life, when she speaks. So that's something that I love. I think that's so cute. So you can stand in the mirror. You can say your affirmations, you can repeat them certain number of times a day.

If you want to put sticky notes around with affirmations on them. I remember when I worked in an office, I just have sticky notes on my computer monitor. If you want to write it in lipstick, on your bathroom mirror, do what you need to do, but posted up so you can see it as a reminder, every single day of how wonderful and great you are.

If you don't believe that statement that you said the, I affirm that I am. If you don't believe that statement said until you believe it, because eventually you will and you will become whatever it is that you spoke out loud. That's called speaking it into existence. You can also do this with your body,  standing in the mirror and look at your body naked.

Do a body scan. Looking at the things that you love, look at the things , that you may want to change and improve, and maybe you don't have anything that you want to change and improve. I know a lot of times, , for those of us who were waist beads around our waist, that's one of those things, , that promote self-love because it gives you a little bit of sexy and it's, , it's a little peekaboo and people wear them for different reasons.

Some of us wear them for spiritual reasons. You can use waist beads as a  manifestation tool. A waist beads are also a cultural idea. For spiritual reasons, for religious reasons. So people wear them for different reasons, but I know that's one of those things that always catches my eye. If you want to take some pictures, take some pictures.

You don't  have to be, , in the mirror or. , even being, , nude or naked or any of that, but just take pictures, take pictures of yourself when you are feeling good. When you are feeling happy, , when you put on a bomb outfit, , maybe you're going to somewhere maybe or not, but take pictures, right.

, catalog that moment, Chronicle that moment in time, , and post them up, , if you're feeling low or having a bad day, go back and look at those pictures and think, ,  it'll remind you of that time where you looked good and you felt good. Remember when you look good, you feel good.

I'm a firm believer in that. I get up every single day and I get dressed. And if you do that every single day, please believe you will. Yes. Self-esteem your self-worth will improve the relationship that you have with yourself. You will love yourself more. Well, you look good. You feel good? It's one of the reasons why, even for me, I don't even wear certain colors, like certain colors.

I don't like the vibration of the color, so I don't wear them. Like I don't my grades. I don't wear Taz. I don't wear beige. Any of those kinds of colors, I don't wear them. I don't feel like they look good on my complexion. I don't feel like they bring out my essence. So I don't wear them because they make me feel.

But I can tell you and I have on a fire, yellow dress or orange or red or a pink or any of those colors that make me feel happy. It elevates my mood and that contributes into my self worth my self esteem, my  love for myself. So that's something else that you may want to think about. , a lot of times when we aren't feeling our best, , we kind of Bumble around  we lay around and we.

, at sin hiding baggy clothes. And if that's your style, that's not what I'm talking about. But a lot of times when we aren't feeling our best, we  lay around and we're not taking the best care of ourselves. And we look like crap. Well, for me, if I look like crap, then I'm going to feel like crap.

So we just going to cut the crap. Okay. So that brings me to my next point, taking care of yourself. So here's a way to self care comes in. You want to take care of yourself, mind, body, and spirit. Again, a lot of times when we are not doing well, we are not taking the best care of ourselves from top to bottom.

That means that we're not sleeping. , sometimes we have crazy schedules and  , we're working multiple jobs or we have kids and we have family. We have all these, , competing priorities. So we're not sleeping well, we're not making time for ourselves to rest. Self-care is not just massages and bubble baths.

It is prioritizing your own health and wellbeing. Make sure you're getting adequate rest. Make sure you're drinking your water. Make sure. Making healthy food choices. Make sure you're keeping up with your doctor's appointments. If you take vitamins medication, any of that stuff, make sure you are doing all of the things to ensure that your health is optimal.

I know sometimes, , we  may have medical issues or ongoing things that we may have to address, or we have to do certain types of maintenance for, I happened to be one of those folks, but I know. If I am not resting and I am not eating healthy and I am not taking meds that I need to take. And  if I'm so busy that I'm neglecting all of those things, eventually I'm going to crash and I'm going to have a flare and I'm going to be down or I'm going to be out sick.

, if I'm not doing the things that I need to do, and I'm not taking care of myself, my immune system may be weakened and I'll get sick a lot of times, , you're not taking care of yourself and it gets to the point where, oh, you're not going to read. Your body's going to force you to, because it's going to put you down and out.

 Also, keep in mind that this most likely is going to require forethought and planning. That's what happens. We don't plan it in and we're also doing everything else and we're neglecting our self care and then we don't do it.  Make sure you take time to play. And fit it in.  If for you, it is a massage and a bubble path, and you need to take that time to relax did do that.

But I think, , about south Caribbean, a buzzword, and we see all of these things on social media. , we think that self care is just, , drinking a glass of wine in the bathtub or something like that. That is a form of self care,  or just getting your hair done, get your nails done, , that kind of stuff.

It can be self care, but just keep in mind, those are not the only forms of self-care resting is self-care relaxing is self-care doing things that make you happy is self-care. But basically I think of self care. All of the things that we would consider positive coping mechanisms or skills.  Things that we do to release stress, it could be exercise.

It could be maybe it's journaling, maybe it's going to therapy. Maybe it's participating in sports. It could be, , spending time with family, all of those things that help nurture your mind, body, and spirit, I would consider it to fall under self.  The next thing we want to do as it relates to quality, baiting love for ourself or self love is to take inventory of your life.

Basically sit back and take stock. What's working well. If the things are working that ain't broke, maybe  we don't need to fix it. What isn't working. Maybe we need to take a look at that and see, okay, what's not working. Why is it not working? What things can be modified so they can make it to the working list.

If not, what do we need to release? If you have things in your life that you are holding on to for dear life, for whatever reason, you could be scared. You may not know how to let go. You just may be procrastinating. You may not realize you need to let go, whatever it is. If letting  go things that no longer serve you.

Is you holding yourself back? It can be difficult to let go of  people, places, things, situations, but just understand that it's necessary for your growth. You block your blessings by holding onto stuff that no longer. So. Because as long as you're holding on to this thing, that's no longer serving you is stressing you out.

It's bringing you down. It's not adding any value to your life. You're blocking your blessing because there's something newer and better and bigger and greater waiting for you on the other side. But  you won't let go off of this thing that you're holding on to for dear life. So just keep that in mind, when you realize that you are the person that's holding yourself back by way.

 The light bulb is going to go off like, damn, I should've did this a whole lot of shit this a long time ago. A lot of times that's what happens. You're holding onto a situation, place, person thing, whatever it is. And then you drag it. And you take too long to let it go.

Even though it's wreaking havoc in your life, you're not happy with the situation.  You take too long and the rug is pulled right from under you. And you're forced to deal with the fallout. That's why you gotta know what to let it go first. Please believe letting go of things that no longer serve you, at least by you choosing to let go.

You're in control of this situation and you can mitigate some of the fallout. So just keep that in mind. The next thing you can do,  as it relates to cultivating self-love is to set boundaries. A lot of times people get all up in arms about setting boundaries, because we think of boundaries as a negative thing.

Keep in mind, boundaries are  put in place for our practice. I don't think protecting yourself as ever a bad thing. And usually if you're protecting yourself is because of something that you're protecting yourself from something that could potentially cause you harm.  When you lack self love.

A lot of times you lack boundaries.  You're in a space of maybe you're feeling low, you're not doing your best. You're,  trying to figure things out. But at other times when you lack self love and you lack boundaries that people walk on.

You say yes. When you really want to say, no, you go out of your way to do any and everything to accommodate other people without putting yourself first, you put them above you. You let people treat you any old kind of way with no regard, , for you as a person, , and a lot of times they're doing that to you, but you don't treat them like that.

, they're not reciprocating. The things that you're pouring into this situation. I didn't stay in that, that if people walk all over you and not step stepping up, not speaking up for yourself, you're doing yourself a disservice. And I know sometimes it's hard because we feel like we don't want to rock the boat, or we don't want to cause more trouble where we don't want to make things worse for ourselves, but you only hurt yourself in the long.

You need to speak up and use your voices was something that I had to learn the hard way, but you have to speak up and use your voice. You have to be assertive now. I'm not saying be rude and disrespectful and cuss them folks out. I mean, Hey, that's how you feel. Sometimes it's like that, but speak up for yourself.

And understand that when you set a boundary, if somebody has an issue with it, it's probably because they benefited from that  and now they, man, because you've put your foot down, but it has to happen. You can't continue to allow people to walk all over top of yourself. If you evaluate yourself and you are putting yourself first and you love yourself, you wouldn't allow that to happen.

 Pay attention to who has an issue. When you set a boundary, that's going to be your. Right there also keep in mind that boundaries don't always have to be permanent. They don't always have to be rigid. They can be moved, ? So if you feel like you feel a little bit more comfortable, you can move that boundary out a little bit further.

If you feel like you need to bring it back in, bring it on back end, but just keep in mind that a boundary does not have to be permanent on the flip side of it. Sometimes you can have boundaries. Are your boundaries maybe too? You may need to loosen up a little bit. And I find a lot of times that happens to folks, especially if we're healing and we're in a space  , we are coming out of a traumatic experience.

You may have all your walls up and understanding that, , you may have to do the work to become more comfortable with  easing those boundaries or releasing those boundaries. , moving them out further, but do this at your own discretion. And when you feel comfortable, don't allow somebody else to force you to move or change your boundary.

And if you have a wall up and the boundary is rigid, think about why that is. And what's triggering that response because  that's somewhere that you  may need to do some work so that you can finally get to a point of. Releasing or loosening that boundary. A lot of times, this happens in love situations.

, we, we come out of one situation and, , because of the, the experience that we had or maybe the way we were treated or things that happened, , our boundaries around real time.  That you meet somebody new and , you want to be free, but you can't because you're still holding on a past traumas.

 That's definitely something that may take some time. But I know a lot of times when we talk about boundaries, we talk a lot about setting the boundary and putting the boundaries in place and not necessarily about moving it or releasing it or removing it.  The next thing that comes along with self-love.

Personal accountability. You need to own your shit. Sometimes we're the toxic person. Sometimes we're playing the victim. Sometimes we done stuff that we probably should not have done, or, , maybe we did something that seemed like to us, it wasn't that big of a deal, but it didn't land quite the way we thought it would.

Sometimes you have to apply. Sometimes because we're still healing or we may not know how to deal with the situation because we are still wound up in our own hurt was though bombed up in our own trauma. , we project that onto other people. We lash out at other people, ,  I know we've all heard this saying, and this is gonna sound real cliche, but hurt people, hurt people, , definitely something to think about.

But I understand that that's okay. It's okay. It's okay to work through your things. Now I'm not saying that just because, , you're dealing with a traumatic experience that you could walk around and taking that on when everybody else, because I don't agree with that, but understand that it's okay to not be okay and sit with those feelings for as long as you need to, and then move on.

And if you need to go back and apologize or make nice with people over, whatever it is that you want to call it, because you weren't in the best frame of mind at that point in time, then go ahead and do that. Be the bigger person. Hold yourself accountable. Take responsibility for whatever it is, except it take responsibility for it really said, , take away whatever you need to take from this situation and move on, , but a lot of times in situations, , people say there's two sides to every story.

Most of the time, it's three, , sometimes we can't see the part that we played in this situation. Or maybe you weren't even necessarily wrong with maybe some things that you could have done differently. And same for the other person, , or maybe they weren't dead ass wrong. I mean, it happens, but , you can only control yourself.

You can only be responsible for your actions and not anybody else. So on your shit. Take personal accountability for whatever it is, do what you need to do to make things right. If that is what you're choosing to do in this situation and move on, none of us are perfect. We are all works in progress 

but, but the mark of a bigger person is that we are taking accountability for ourselves and the things that.  You can't sit around and blame it on other people and blame it on this and blame it on that and blame it on your upbringing. At what point do you take accountability for your life, but that stuff behind you take responsibility.

Accept it and move forward. That's that? And also keep in mind that we need to give ourselves grace. Part of loving yourself is giving yourself grace. The whole thing we just talked about a moment ago about owning your shit okay. On your shit excepted. And also give yourself grace because nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.

Sometimes you are doing what you thought was best at that time, with the information that you had available to you.  Maybe it seemed like the best thing at that. And now looking back, you realize that maybe it wasn't hindsight is always 2020, but, and I guess I have some grace. Okay, well, you made a mistake or maybe you misjudged something or whatever the situation was.

Okay. That's fine. But don't dwell on it. Don't keep beating yourself up about it. Don't, , talk to yourself negatively. Don't put yourself down, please give yourself grace and understand that. I made a mistake or maybe I failed at something or maybe I didn't, , the outcome. Wasn't what I would have liked it to be, but that's okay.

You can always try it again. Tomorrow is a new day. And I think this is something that a lot of us really, really struggled with is giving ourselves some grace, especially, , this past year and a half, almost two years. I mean, a lot of things, , me. We have not succeeded at where things may not have gone the way that we wanted or have not advanced in progressing the way that we want it by keep in mind, we've been living in a whole global pandemic for almost two years.

None of us have ever lived through anything like this. And our lifetime jobs have been lost lives have been. Things have been destroyed. People's finances have been turned upside down. People have been sick. , some people are dealing with, , lasting, , medical issues, , and there's a lot going on right now.

So just to be here and to be living through. Especially if you've not caught, COVID, you've remained safe during this time just to be here is a Testament. And I think we can all give ourselves some grace for living through this stressful time because some people didn't make it and there's still people dying every single day from this thing.

 We can all do better about giving ourselves some grace as part of loving ourselves. The next thing is be your own best friend.  , we get into these spaces and, , maybe you're, you're speaking negatively to yourself or you're feeling down or disappointed, or you feel like you failed, or, , you're saying these things that aren't very pleasant.

Would you talk to your best friend like that? No. Would you let your best friend talk to you like that? If, if my best friend talks to me like that, they wouldn't be my best friend before my. ,  be your own best friend. Why would you talk to yourself like that? If you wouldn't allow somebody else to talk to you while you're talking to yourself like that, , if this means that you need to spend time alone and get to know yourself, they do that.

One of the things that is often recommended for people and I do this too, is take yourself on a date, go somewhere. Nice. Maybe you wanted to go enjoy spending some time by yourself. You don't always have to be a part of a plan. Or gaggle, take yourself too on a date, treat yourself to something that you like spend some time alone, maybe go to the park and sit in nature.

Maybe go to the spa and get a massage or get your nails done or whatever it is, but learn to enjoy your. And do things that you love and things that make you happy. , if you want to treat yourself to some little gifts, , do things to uplift your own mood, but be your own best friend. The next thing is going to be take control of your journey.

 Be intentional.  A few steps ago, we talked about taking stock of our lives. And letting go of things that no longer serve us.  If you're going to let go of things that no longer serve you, what are you going to fill that space with? A lot of times we've removed things, but then there's a void. And then we fill it back up with the same crap that we were supposed to be letting go brilliance of the positive, bring in some new energy, revisit, , those areas of improvement.

Maybe there are things that you need to work on, or you would like to work on and improve about yourself. Maybe take some classes, Risa books, , find like-minded people in, in seek committee. Set some goals for yourself, create a plan we're talking about cultivating self-love and that it's part of the rituals and the things that you do daily, that, , promise that you're putting yourself first.

 You're dedicating those things to you. Create a plan, to cultivate, self love, and make sure that you're building those things into your schedule. Make loving yourself.  Incorporate things that will make you happy, also be mindful of people, places and things you allow into your space.

Are they adding value? Are they in alignment with your intentions and goals that you've set? One of the things to watch for with this and social media and television, any type of media, really? , a lot of times we're, we're scrolling endlessly on social media. What type of accounts are you filing?

Are they positive and uplifting? Are they in alignment with where you're going or is it a bunch of trashy, tabloid stuff? Are they things that are overwhelming to you and inducing anxiety? I know I had to stop watching the news at the beginning of Corona because every time you turned it on, it was just weather in Corona.

That was overwhelming to me and it was causing me anxiety. So I just stopped watching the news for a long time. But I know a lot of times you can be scrolling. Maybe you need to put people on mute. Maybe you need to unfriend people. Maybe you need to block them. If I feel like somebody is overwhelmingly negative or the things that they're posting are disrupting my school.

Depending on who it is, I'll mute, I'll block out and follow whatever it is that I need to do, even if it's just pages on Instagram or photos, or think about the music that you're listening to. If you feel like the messages are overwhelmingly negative, all of those things are  going into your psyche and you're absorbing those things that you're thinking about them.

They're going into your September.  That's just something that you may want to be mindful of. Same goes for people. If there are people in your life that are overwhelmingly negative and the things that they say and do, or just their presence is not sitting right with your spirit. Maybe you need to let them go.

I know that's easier said than done, but it's definitely something that you may want to think about. Think about the things that you are consuming, not just food, but also. , things that you are consuming as it relates to the media television, social media, radio podcast, whatever it is, if it's not in alignment with where it is that you are trying to go with the goals that you were trying to accomplish, then maybe that's something that you need to remove.

The last thing you can do to cultivate self-love is by expressing gratitude. A lot of times we get so caught up and I want this and I need this and I'm trying to do this. And we do not take the time to step back and assess and be grateful for all that it is that we do have for all of the things that we have been blessed with for all of the things that we may take for granted, it is a blessing in this shoot in this day and age to wake up and open your eyes.

And, , sometimes when you're down and out expressing gratitude can be hard. This is something that I do every morning when I wake up as I go before my altar and I express gratitude for five things out loud, even if it's just some days, it's hard to find things to be grateful for. If you're not feeling well or you're not doing well.

And it can literally just sometimes be, I am grateful to be here in this time. And. That's it. That's all you got for that day. That's all you got, but remember to be grateful for all that you have for where you have come from and for where you are going. If you want to start a gratitude journal, that may be a good way to remind yourself to do it.

You can do it in the morning when you wake up, maybe do it before you go to bed, or especially before you go to bed, you can take stock of what you are grateful for in that particular day. Things that happened that particular day, , kind of as a day in review type of thing. But also think about, , maybe right now, the space that you're in is where you are now is somewhere that years ago, months ago.

You were praying to get to this point. So be grateful for growth, but there is always, always, always something to be grateful for. And I think that express making grant expressing gratitude or practice will definitely help you to be more mindful and be more grateful and to help you to cultivate more love of self, because.

A lot of times when you're lacking in self love, you're looking at things from a place of lack, , you're thinking about what you don't have, what you don't feel what's missing from your life. And again, all of the negative things about yourself, the days that, , this year, thinking about shoulda, woulda coulda us and being grateful and expressing gratitude,

incorporating the practice of expressing gratitude would definitely help raise your vibration.  If you're raising your vibration, the happier you are,  that helps  , when you're happy, , you're feeling good about yourself that helps you to cultivate selfless.

 Remember that your self love journey will be. A journey to deep knowledge of self. It will be your own individual personal journey. Everybody's journey is different. We're all starting at different places. We're all healing and recovering from different things. Some people, , they may be going through this journey multiple times, , falling in and out of love with self.

And life happens. Sometimes situations put you in a space. You don't love yourself very much, or you may not even realize it, but I understand that the relationship you have with yourself will set the tone for all of the other relationships you have in your life. So if you are not taking good care of yourself and you are not in a space of loving yourself, other people see that and , and I hate to say this, but , it turns into it.

Well, they don't even care about their self. So really why should anyone. , that's basically the energy that you're emitting. So just keep in mind that everything begins and ends with you. That being said, I don't necessarily believe in this whole idea of first. You have to love yourself to love somebody else.

I think it's true to a degree, but  I don't think you have to be fully a hundred percent healed to the able to love somebody. Because if that were true, , we're always healing and growing and evolving and going through situations in life.  If we sat around, , basically waiting for this perfect version of ourselves  in order to love somebody else, we'd just be waiting forever. So the point is that. Learn to love yourself where you are in the present.

Don't try to wait until you've evolved into this perfect version or what you consider to be the perfect version of yourself, because really there's no such thing and learn to love yourself for where you are right now in the present. And keep in mind that we are always healing, growing and evolving. So as you grow and change, learn to love that version of yourself and the next one and the next one and the next one, because we're going to continue to grow and evolve and change.

And now being in a place of healing certainly helps, especially when you're in a place of wanting to share love and love someone else. I mean, it definitely helps, but it's not the be all and end all.

The journey to self-love may not  be easy, but just remember that you are choosing yourself. We talked about this in the first episode, you are choosing yourself. There has not been not one time in my life where I regretted putting myself first, you have to do this best for you. You have to do what's best for your mental health, your physical.

Your spiritual health, your emotional health, you have to do what's best for you. You can't pour from an empty cup. And I know we've all heard that before, but realistically you should be pouring for other people from the overflow, not even from your cup, from the overflow, but you will never get to the point of overflow.

If you do not love yourself first and you are not taking good care of. So I'll kind of, in a nutshell, it always brings to mind this particular quote for me from sex and the city, if you were a sex and the city fan shout out to you, but there was a quote in one of the episodes by Carrie, and it says the most exciting, challenging, insignificant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.

And if you find someone to love you. Well, that's just fabulous. Thank you all for listening. If you enjoy the show, please share, please subscribe. Please leave us a review and last but not least, I'm going to leave you all with today's affirmation. I affirm I will make loving myself or ritual. Thanks for listening.

Bye-bye.