Finding Strength in Faith: A Single Mom's Late-Night Reflections

Navigating the trials of life is no easy task, especially when you're juggling single parenthood, work stress, and family court dates. From investing energy in myself to dealing with the anxiety of my brother's court date, I take you on a journey through the quiet late-night moments when it all surfaces. I reveal my struggle with sadness and the harsh reality of my situation, but also how I find solace in the love and presence of my children. I discuss the power of prayer, the importance of expressing your emotions, and the truth that while faith may not make life easy, it certainly makes it possible.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me. I am Marilyn. Podcast late night edition. It's probably quarter to midnight right now and I've been struggling to sleep a little bit the last week or so with everything that's been going on. If you listen to my last podcast, I shared what's going on with my brother, with my work and you know just life. Well, I've been very productive and giving myself all the energy that I was giving someone else and their job and building up their name. I've been doing that for myself the last week and I'm tired. It has been good and productive, just trying to stay busy, you know.

Speaker 1: 0:57

But it sees moments where it's quiet, everyone's asleep, where you have moments here yourself and everything like comes surfaces again. You know my brother's chord date is approaching. That's just like giving me anxiety. It's like more and more and more and my forefront like the fight that we're about to get into and it's hard not to break down because everything is just heavy. What are the next steps? What's the next chapter, what's the next move?

Speaker 1: 1:40

And the babies sometimes sleep with me, but sometimes they don't. When they sleep with me I don't get no sleep, like I have a queen size bed, but the three of us do not fit on the bed. And I was already like I've been having like this feeling at the pit of my stomach that I just can't read these days. I've just been taking it hour by hour, and Rome fell asleep. First I put him in his bed, rain and I were still up watching a movie. He eventually fell asleep and when I got up to to carry rain to his bed, I hear a roam running down the hallway, you know so. So come on, baby, turn around, let's go lay back in your bed. I'm gonna lay down with you.

Speaker 1: 2:36

And it's like then that moment hit me, you know, like the reality, my reality, which I know that I've been in for a little bit over a year now like I'm a single mom taking care of these two babies and they leave to, you know, split the time with their dad, and stuff like that, and it's just sad. It's just sad. This isn't the life that I wanted for them. And I just think, like this moment in my life right now, I'm going through like a cocoon, my shedding season and stuff like that. So these are the times where I allow myself to go through my moments and feel my feels.

Speaker 1: 3:37

And I went and laid in Rome's bed. I went and laid with Rome's bed for a little bit and, you know, he just threw his arms around my neck and you know, at times I feel alone for the most part I'm not because I have my children, you know and I'm just there like breaking down in this bed while he's holding me, snoring in my ear. So then I went to the kitchen and I'm like, man, I could use a shot right now. But before I did that I prayed as I got. I need you. I need you more now than ever. I need you to pick me up, I need you to stand by me, I need you to hold my hand during this time, right now, because I can't do it alone.

Speaker 1: 4:33

So then I went and got up and went to the kitchen and I'm like I just need a little shot just to like try to calm my anxiety and my nerves. And I went and I poured the shot and I took a little sip and the taste of disgust that I couldn't even do it. But all of a sudden, like I didn't feel sad anymore. I didn't, it was just weird. Instead, I'm like I'll have some special cake with some oak milk, but I don't know. It was just a moment. I just felt like God was like you don't need that, you don't need that to make you feel okay. You told me to stand by you and I got you. I'm still gonna go through my feelings and cry it out. We all need that good cry and then when you wake up in the morning like you're good to go.

Speaker 1: 5:24

But I say this to say like the power of God is strong. Everyone looks at me and have been following my journey and just ask me how are you so strong? I'm like God. Last year I was at the eye of the storm and even though I was at the eye of the storm, I was just there witnessing it. I was like an outer body experience watching the storm that I'm in. But there was just still an overwhelming sense of calm that I had within me because I knew everything was going to be okay.

Speaker 1: 6:06

And that rush came to me again tonight and I just think the power of this tongue is so strong and I just have to remind myself that I just have to keep asking, keep staying prayed up and don't be afraid to speak my words out loud and just tell God I need you, I need you in this moment. I need you to cover me. I need you to give me the strength that I don't have right now. I need you to just give me the clarity that I cannot see. I need you to be my eyes. I need you to be my brain, so you can help me understand and allow the words that come out of my mouth be yours, not mine, one day at a time. Stay prayed up. It's all going to work itself out. Feel your feels, go through your emotions. No one said this life was going to be easy. Faith makes it possible. It doesn't make it easy. Thank you, as always, for tuning in. I'll talk to you soon.