Embracing Change: Overcoming Anxiety and Celebrating Growth

Struggling to stay afloat amid life's whirlwind? Stressed about divorce, battling anxiety and struggling to stay positive? In a sincere and candid conversation about my recent personal struggles, as I unveil my journey of self-discovery, acceptance, and growth. Throughout our heart-to-heart, I lay bare my feelings of being overwhelmed, my face-off with anxiety, and how I navigated the stormy waters of unexpected life changes. 

 My chat with a dear friend, who happens to be a psychotherapist, provided a refreshing perspective and sowed the seeds of acceptance. Sharing my experiences of journaling, I shed light on its power as a tool for self-expression and its role in fostering personal growth. Amidst the lows, I've clung onto positivity, celebrated small successes, and continue to seek the silver lining. Listen, and let's traverse this journey together, because remember, life isn't designed to be a solo expedition.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me. I am Marilyn podcast. First, I want to say thank you so much for all of the support that you guys have been giving me. I have my first paid subscriber. You're able now to support the show. Someone sent me $50. Oh my God, if God is not good. Thank you, thank you, thank you. So please continue to support, share, like, subscribe, comment, leave a review. If you feel like this podcast can help someone else, please don't hesitate to share.

Speaker 1: 0:39

But anyways, I just wanted to jump on here because I've been having a lot of meltdowns lately and, considering all that I have been, all that I'm going through. I'm pretty good with navigating through the bullshit but, as of late, I just felt like it was just so much bullshit for me to navigate through that I kind of just drowned a little bit and I lost my bearings and I just could not find it. I just could not find my bearings. I didn't know how to find a life jacket right. So a good friend of mine happens to be a psychotherapist and I've never called him for a session because, again, I'm just good at finding my escape, my outlet, just getting myself back, and I couldn't and I called as I listened to the therapy session and we were on the phone for like an hour and a half and I explained to him like you know, I'm pretty good with finding my way back, but this time around so it's like I'm fully aware of everything that is happening and stuff like that. But it's like you always ask that question. It's like when is enough going to be enough? Like how much punches can I take? And just one simple word he said just brought everything back into perspective.

Speaker 1: 2:05

And that was acceptance For me. Last year, when I was in the eye of the storm, I accepted that situation because that's something I chose, right. So it was just easy for me to say it is what it is. So for me it's like at what point did I lose that mentality that every decision that I am making for myself is going to happen not how I want it, but how God sees fit? And I just kind of lost my way with that. But I lost sight of the acceptance. I've accepted that. I have to accept that I've asked God for change and change is going to come. Disruption, change isn't going to come just oh, here you go, here's your change, marilyn, you know so when you're in the moment of vulnerability and it's like, with one thing happens it kind of opens the gate for like, be more vulnerable to other things, and that's. You know, it's just like a gateway for the devil to just come in is like gotta, let me just throw more shit on her, more shit on her. But I Say that to say it's like we're all gonna go through shit. Oh, this is what I want to say.

Speaker 1: 3:23

It I was losing my train of thought. So someone had messaged me. I Said that they're not on social media much, but they jumped on to just contact me because they wanted to send me a video and this particular person has gone through a divorce and it's dealing with depression and anxiety and you know all that comes with that stuff. For me, personally, I I Don't like to be in that state of mind of depression and anxiety. And I Was dealing with anxiety and having panic attacks and that's the part that was scaring me. It's like, oh my god, I feel like I am no longer in control.

Speaker 1: 4:01

And the video that she sent me was weeping through it. So I Was weeping through it, I was crying through it, I was melting through it, but I was still working. I was still growing, I was still working on myself, I was still podcasting, I was still doing you know my content and all that stuff, while trying to put a smile through it, because that is the challenge of life. That is the moment that is going to touch to you the most and for me, I'm just always transparent and it's like you know what, if I'm having a meltdown, yeah, I'm gonna see this meltdown, because when the moments are good, you guys are gonna celebrate with me and I'm gonna share these celebratory moments with you guys To show, like this is what life is about.

Speaker 1: 4:42

If you want change, change is gonna be uncomfortable, change is gonna be tears, change is gonna be confusion, change is gonna be um, who am I? And I was on the phone with my sister earlier and I'm like I just want to shake this off so I can just Find my smile again. She's like you have, your smile is just, it's just in the back right now and you can't shake with that feeling off, because that feeling that you're feeling is you coming into your new change. So don't try to shake it off, embrace it, man. If that wasn't a word, I say you know what you write. You write because it's like damn, I honestly just be wanting to stay in bed, but I got.

Speaker 1: 5:24

You know, I get up and I still do what I need to do was required was. My goal every single day is to get better. What am I doing today, or what can I do today? Rather to become a better version of myself. And you know, the gym is an outlet for me. Podcasting is a huge outlet for me Because I get my thoughts out. Sometimes I jump all over the place, but yeah, I know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1: 5:50

But you know, I went to the gym today and, um, I went on the stair master for about 15 minutes because I was a little tired and I went to the sauna for 10 minutes and I gave myself a little grace because I got up and did it. And I thought that's something else I lost sight of was just giving myself grace and celebrating my small wins. And you know what do I want my life to look like? Is my life really that bad right now? And you know, with what's going on with my brother right now is I have to accept it. But you know the way that the therapist explained it was I'm mourning my brother, in a sense Not having that easy access to him, and you know so, while I'm mourning my divorce and still confused about that and I haven't, while I thought I'll explain that on, this is me exclusively. You can subscribe for that.

Speaker 1: 6:46

To get down to the nitty gritty of all that has been happening with that, I think I was almost a little bit in denial, like, yeah, I am almost healed or I'm better, I am better, but it's like I don't want to accept, like shit, I'm still feeling this way because it's like, damn, it's already been a year or a little over a year, but the shit is going to take time. And I was kind of in denial about that a little bit because I just wanted to get over it already and it doesn't come. It doesn't happen that way. So it was just like one morning on top of another morning and I think that that's where I lost my way a little bit and lacking the acceptance of the situation, because I kind of just wanted it to go away and it's not so. That just really helped me a lot.

Speaker 1: 7:45

But again, journaling has been so effective for me. I can't even when you aside from letting it out on the podcast, but when you put a pen to paper and just put out your thoughts, and it doesn't even have to make sense, it's just like whatever is at the top of your head. Journaling is just so important. You guys, it's great to have people around you that you're able to have as a sounding board. But if you don't, I'm always saying please contact me if you want to talk things through, because we cannot do this life alone. But if you don't and you shy, don't want to speak, I definitely encourage you to just get a pen and paper, get a book, date it, journal what your thoughts are, how you're feeling in that morning. When you wake up, find your entry, if you're sad, mad, happy, and I read back at my journal, I'm like, man, this is what I was doing last year or this is how I was feeling last year or even the year before.

Speaker 1: 8:54

So now, journaling, I've been consistent with it and I'll remain consistent with it because I see how effective it is as well, aside from my vision board that I have. You know, writing down my wants, writing down my gratitudes. Every day is just getting better and if you do that, then you're winning in life. Honestly, this life isn't easy, it's not perfect. It's only going to get harder if we're living in just an ugly, ugly world right now and it's just continuing to try to find your happiness and find your place and find your peace in it.

Speaker 1: 9:34

So I just hope that my story and my journey and my ups and downs and my wins is something that's able to help you or the next person you know. I truly believe that that is my calling in life, because I love to help, I love love and I just love to see everyone succeed. Man, and I hope that my success stories and my trials and tribulations again, it's just something that you help, because I know that what is in my vision board is going to come to life. Come on, jesus won't he do it. He has brought me this far and he's not going to leave me here. So that's all I got. That's the update for today. Y'all, that's all I got, as always. Thank you for tuning in. Please again support the show. Like, comment, subscribe, share all that good stuff. I will talk to you soon.