This Is Me
What started as pages in a diary became a movement. This Is Me with Marilyn is the podcast where one woman's journey — through single motherhood, entrepreneurship, heartbreak, and healing — becomes the mirror you didn't know you needed. If you're in the middle of your becoming, this show is for you.
This Is Me
Unraveling the Complexities of Life and Career with Tracy Bonner
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Reunions can be emotional, and this episode is no exception. I reignite an old flame of friendship with the phenomenal actress Tracey Bonner, giving you, dear listeners, the privilege to eavesdrop on a heartwarming exchange that uncovers layers of wisdom, resilience, and struggle. The conversation isn't just about catching up, though; it traverses the terrain of self-reflection, mental health in relationships, and the trials and tribulations Tracey has encountered in the glitzy yet gritty world of entertainment.
Buckle in for the final stretch of our conversation as we delve into desires, regrets, and acting dreams. We share personal stories of marriage and motherhood, and Tracey gives her take on these aspects of contemporary womanhood. The pursuit of happiness, not just as a woman in the entertainment industry, but as a person in this complex world, remains a constant theme. So, tune in as we unpack the multifaceted journey of an actress, a woman, and a friend, offering an enlightening exploration of personal growth, mental health, and the intricate dance of life.
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https://marilynmartinezlife.com/
Exploring Healing and Growth in Relationships
Speaker 1Hello everyone and welcome to this Is Me podcast , and I am your girl , marilyn . I am going to wait for my guest to come in . She'll be here soon . It is Friday and I am feeling good . I got a new haircut . Yes , she is giving body . So , anyways , the guest I am going to have is Tracy Bonner .
Speaker 1Now , tracy , I met her almost 10 years ago in Atlanta and I interviewed her many , many years ago . So it is just a very special night that here we are , all these years later and I get to interview her again and she has grown so much and she has done so many things since the last time I've seen her and it is just basically catching up with an old friend . She is just such good energy and I think that those type of relationships are just good to maintain and to nourish . Even though you go years or months without speaking to someone , it is just so good to just always keep in contact and just check in with them , because you just never know what it will just do for you where you are in your life and sometimes you just need to hear and tap in from that person . It is just very nostalgic right when we reminisce and speak to the people from many , many moons ago . Yes , so I am super excited .
Speaker 1If you are a sweet Magnolia's fan , like I am , I literally binge watch the moment Netflix releases it and I think she is coming on soon , guys . The moment they release it , I literally binge watch and I lose sleep until like 5 in the morning just watching , because it is just so good and I just love it . So don't mind me drinking tea . I am doing a 30 day no alcohol . I am heavy on the teas lately , learning about the herbs , the benefits . Okay , oh , here she is , tracy . What's up ? You look good honey . You got dressed for me .
Speaker 2You know , I said I am coming on with my boobs .
Speaker 1I am giving yes to the lip honey Thank you ? How are you ? I am okay , I am okay .
Speaker 2I am ready to have conversations , so I have been looking forward to this since you invited me on here . What are we going to talk about ? What are we going to be saying ? I am really excited .
Speaker 1You know what you know . I have been at this for many , many years , and when I go to interview someone , I usually I do have my little book , though Hold on , I am about to plug in my journal .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1And I have some questions for you . But I didn't really need that many questions because it is like catching up with an old girlfriend .
Speaker 2I know right .
Speaker 1Before you got on . I was just saying how it is just so crazy , how it is a full circle moment , because I interviewed you almost ten years ago .
Speaker 2Yeah , when I first moved to Atlanta .
Speaker 1Yeah , Did you first move there ?
Speaker 2Yeah , it was about a year after I moved here , but yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1Look at you now , baby . Look at you . Look at us . Okay , look at us . Oh , my God , I just got chills . So tell me , we met in Atlanta . Yeah , you came at the time . My show was called the Brunch , yes , and I interviewed for Date Yourself , girl . I do want to recap what is happening . Fill us in . Are we still dating ourself , girl ? Because I have an answer to that .
Speaker 2Well , actually yes and no . Here's the thing I never stopped dating . I never stopped dating . I think what people misunderstood about the title was that I was bashing men and telling me and you telling women , you don't need a man .
Speaker 2And I'm like no , I want people to understand I would get so engrossed in my relationships that I would lose all of myself , and so that's why I was like after my last relationship back in 2013 , I was just like who are you without this man in your life , without any man in your life ? Do you know what you like ? Do you know what you're willing to put up with ? Do you know some of the things that you need to change ? Do you need counseling ? Like all of those things and I just A self reflection , yeah , and I was like I don't know if I'm really . I say I'm ready for a relationship , but I don't know if I'm ready because I haven't done any of the work , heal the traumas that I had .
Speaker 2Here's the thing I was in college . I was in a four and a half year relationship with the same guy , and two and a half of those years he was physically and emotionally abusive , and I know a lot of people . A lot of people talk about physical abuse , but my physical abuse was when I had surgery . He kicked me in my surgical scar . Wow , he was a mean methodical .
Speaker 1Militia .
Speaker 2And he would strangle me or smother me . He dragged me outside , covered my head with my sweater and he threw the luggage on top of me . You know , because I would spend the night . He dragged me outside , my shirt ripped off , in front of my dad's frat brother . He saw that . You know that's the kind of physical abuse . He body slammed me so hard that I suffered a fractured spine and didn't realize it at the time that that's what was wrong . I would sit on my right side because I was just in so much pain and finally went to a doctor and he was like have you been ?
Speaker 1in an accident .
Speaker 2I was like no . And then , when I reflected , I said , oh well , my ex boyfriend body slammed me and he was like how long ago was that ? That was 20 . Oh , I can't even say 20 . It was like 2000 , 2001 . So I was 20 , 21 years old , you know , and thinking you're in love .
Speaker 1Yeah . It was because he wants me and his way of affection .
Speaker 2Yeah , and you know I grew up in a small town in Tennessee and we gonna be real tonight . I don't think I've really discussed .
Speaker 1Listen , it's me and you tonight .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1Got it .
Speaker 2Well , I grew up with a poor image of myself . There weren't a lot of darker skinned black women , black girls who were deemed pretty , or you know . A lot of times the lighter skinned girls would get most of the attention from the guys , right ? So I would struggle with how can I get some attention ? You know , and just as a teenager , sex was something that was new . You know I'm like what is this thing ? Is this how I have to get you know their attention ?
Speaker 1We didn't have a way to learn back then , right ?
Speaker 2We didn't have social media . We didn't . We didn't have social media , and I grew up in the south and our mothers were not really talking to us about sex . What they would say is don't have it .
Speaker 1Right , that's it .
Speaker 2Yeah , and so I think , as a young teenager , I just was looking for validation . I wanted someone to love me , someone to like me , and I went about it the wrong way and I met this guy at college and was like oh , I got a boyfriend , he plays football and he's attractive and he wants me , but he beat me down , you know , mentally and physically .
Speaker 1And did that pattern continue like once you left him ? Did you find yourself going and jumping into another relationship , suffering the same thing ?
Speaker 2Not the physical abuse so much , but I think what I did was I allowed patterns of emotional abuse to continue . I would allow men to manipulate me or gas like me or just treat me in the old kind of way , and I would just stick around because I'm like , well , nobody wants me , nobody will want me , this is all I have , this is all I have to choose from . So that's where I am , like . I'm still trying to figure out dating . I live in Atlanta . It is not a place and , as you , as I've gotten older , it's like you know men , my age , I'm not a person .
Speaker 2My age are either married or dating younger , and so the older guys . I'm not necessarily attracted to an older man , not to say that I won't date them , but they're a lot of the time stuck in their way , they're not very spontaneous or they're not risk takers and I'm just like I just want to take it back for a second Because you know , this is something that I've suffered with as well .
Speaker 1You know , I'm newly divorced and I waited a long time before I got with someone right by choice , and I thought , because I thought I was doing the work . So when you say date yourself and I didn't even begin to do the work , or I started the work or I did the work , but then you fall right back into the situation so you really didn't do shit right . So it's what for ? I can share what I've been doing as far as self caring and the work , because it gets to a certain point that will blame the men and will blame the men . But if you're falling back into the same pattern at some point , we're going to have to blame ourselves . Yes , so why are we trauma bonding ? Why are we attracted ? Why do we continue to attract this type ? What is it ? Why are we so open and honest and loving to the wrong person , and how are we able to identify the right person ?
Speaker 2That's that's deep . So I think for me counseling has helped me kind of figure those things out . Why am I trauma bonding with someone ? Why am I trying to be a fixer , or why do I want so much A nurturer ? You know , I want to show this man the fixer part .
Speaker 1The fixer part because I am a victim of that . Why do I want to be a fixer ? The self reflection is because I'm afraid to fix myself .
Speaker 2Oh , that's good , that's a good one .
Speaker 1I'm the fear of what if I was to fix myself and how far would I get once I get there . I cross that threshold . What is the fear .
Speaker 2What do you mean ? You are afraid to fix yourself .
Speaker 1No , it's like it's a sense of finding purpose when you're still lost and don't know who you are . Yeah Right , so at least let me find some sort of purpose . I mean , this was me before . I'm not saying that's not a sense . Let me find a purpose of trying to fix someone , to kind of feel good instead of fixing myself , so I can self feel good .
Speaker 2Wow , I never looked at it that way . It's not that I want to fix somebody . I've always felt like I wanted to be a supporter . You know , oftentimes the men that I date , predominantly black men , say that you know they haven't had a woman who has had their back or has supported them , or their life just shows struggle , right , right . I don't want to be that for them . I want to be someone who uplifts you , who empowers you .
Speaker 1Where you lose yourself . Yeah , yeah , the energy is not reciprocated .
Speaker 2It's not . So my thing is now recognizing when it's not reciprocal love or like ending it early , not staying around . I just recently stopped seeing someone because , you know , I just told them I just we don't align and I don't want to lead . You want any further ? I don't want this to go any further than like we cool , you don't even have to call and check on me , Right ? That's art I started to notice the signs early and I'm like I'm just connecting now , so yeah .
Speaker 1So what are some of the things that you have been doing for yourself , for self-caring ? Cause ? Listen , it's a lot of work . I just did a podcast on this it's going to drop Monday about doing the work , about the self-caring and being intentional , and it's something and I'm realizing it because I started earlier mid-year with really being intentional on the work . Now , right , because you identify the problem and then you do the work .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And it's exhausting .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'll tell you where I it's ongoing work , but I'll tell you where I still need the most work , and it's my mental health .
Speaker 1Yes , but that's the work
Exploring Mental Health and Relationships
Speaker 1.
Speaker 2The mental health is the work , the mental health is the hardest part for me , and I think what I mean by that is my mindset . I can sometimes be a pessimist when it comes to thinking about love and loving relationships . Do I believe in them for other people ? Absolutely . I think it can happen for someone else , but when it comes to me , I'm like no .
Speaker 1Is that a generational mindset for you ?
Speaker 2No , explain . What do you mean by generational mindset ?
Speaker 1Have you . Is this something that you grew up with not knowing what love is or seeing what love is ?
Speaker 2No , no , my grandmother , my mother's parents , were to me the epitome of a loving relationship . Oh , you hear me ? Yeah , okay , they were the epitome of a loving relationship . My grandfather doded on my grandmother , gave her compliments , took her out it was very romantic and we really have a lot of money and he was able to woo her , woo her right and he was able to make plans until his death and it just they would hold hands and the little thing , yeah , and make plans and I he would say I love you and he would kiss her and you know , showing affection .
Speaker 2And I never . I lived with them until I was 14 . I think I saw them argue once , out of that entire time of me living with them , like they made it , made living in that house easy and I was able to make plans for one another . I've always desired that and I had a very close relationship to my grandfather .
Speaker 2Up until his death and I watched . My parents are married but there are some things that I recognize in their marriage that I'm like I would not put up with that . I don't care , I would not put up with that . And I think it's because I'm older now . I've gone through a lot , so I recognize what is toxic to me . I wouldn't be able to put up with that , like the older generation of of our parents you know , Are you afraid to open yourself up ?
Speaker 2No , I'm not afraid , I'm always . I'm always . Look , I date a lot . Okay , I , I like dating , I like the newness of the relationships I love the newness .
Speaker 1Okay , I can get the newness . All you know the whole time yeah .
Speaker 2That butter , butterfly feeling that you feel , but I'm not afraid of also working inside of the relationship either .
Speaker 1Um , it has to be both ways ? Hmm , it has to be both ways .
Speaker 2And I was going to say I'm finding that though you know , after that third or fourth month is like they don't want to , they don't want to , they don't want to , they don't want to , they don't want to .
Speaker 1They are very comfortable , honey , so yeah , they're very comfortable .
Speaker 2Yeah , I mean so , but I date . I'm not afraid to open myself up . But when I do begin to be myself , I start to see me and be distant and I'm like , well , is it something about me ? Like I'm real , I'll go to my therapist and say okay , I've noticed a pattern change . She's not calling as much , she's not texting back . You know he's not doing these things , so I'm falling back too , because I don't want to . You're matching energy . Yeah , this dating stuff is hard . It's hard . It's 2023 .
Speaker 1It's ghetto .
Speaker 2It is I'm ghetto .
Speaker 1I'm over it . But listen , I'm happy that you did the work and that you came out of your trauma , baby , because it made you stronger . Okay , so enough of that , I'll be self . We know dating in 2023 for us older women , although we look like we're in our twenties receiving that girl . Um , I , too , am dating myself and I absolutely love it , so I love that you started that movement and made it okay .
Speaker 1And I'll have you know that when I looked at an alien , I dated myself a lot , yeah , and I haven't really done it since . I've been back in New York but early month I'm like I'm going to start , I'm going to start , I'm going to an event by myself this weekend . It's a red carpet , I'm going to get suited and booted because I'm going to . I'm like you know what ? Look , I don't want to date , I don't want to date , I'm good , but I want to jump into . When I met you , I interviewed you and we hit it off right away Because you are a light , you are beautiful , your energy is contagious , and you invited me to a play and first introduction that I had to Tracy Bono , the actress not to date yourself , you know , but the actress and it was just phenomenal to see . And nothing , nothing doing . The play is very hard .
Speaker 2It is .
Speaker 1Because like doing the show is like cut , replay , cut . You know , doing a play is all you got to know your lines .
Speaker 2I'm going through that now .
Speaker 1Yes , so tell me , many years ago you were in a play . Now you are on TV girl . You are on brazing Diane , black lightning , where you and I remember I was in the movie theater and I don't know if it was with Josh Dumal , I think . Did you do a movie with him ?
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 1I think you played a nurse . It was a big actor like that . I think you played a nurse .
Speaker 2Oh , I know who you're talking about . It was a movie right Longest Ride , Was that it ?
Speaker 1I think was it , I don't know . I'm like , is that Tracy ? Yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2I played a couple of nurses so loud in the movie I'm like that's Tracy , I'm like , oh my God , look , I'm tearing up .
Speaker 1It was such like a proud moment to see myself . I'm like , oh my God , I'm like , oh my God . I'm like , oh my God , I'm like , oh my God . I'm like , oh my God , I'm like , oh my God . It was just like a proud moment to see my friend on the big screen . So tell me some of the challenges . What do you got , especially , you know , coming from Tennessee to Atlanta . Did you move to Atlanta from Tennessee to pursue acting ?
Speaker 2No , I'm originally from Decatur . My parents moved when I was eight , officially moved when I was eight . I grew up in Tennessee , went to college in Tennessee , then I went to grad school in Chicago and that was my introduction to professional acting and professional theater . And so I lived there for 12 years , kind of hit the glass ceiling , was doing voiceover but not a lot of TV and film opportunities and I quit . I quit and I was like why don't you come ? Because he retired from Cedar Grove High School in Ellenwood .
Speaker 2And he said why don't you come ? I'm moving back to Tennessee with your mom and you know why don't you come out here ? You have , I did a couple plays here in the past and he was like , why don't you just try it out ? I was like , whatever , I'm quitting , I'm going to be a teacher . And yeah , I auditioned for a couple plays and then I did , started doing TV and I started liking it and started doing it more and yeah , that's how I ended up really turning my sights towards TV . Now I'm back doing theater . I'm actually about to do a play in Arizona until March .
Speaker 1So when Broadway comes , I'm going to be Frank Rowe .
Speaker 2Oh , you're too kind . I can't sing . So Broadway doesn't ? They don't do a lot of straight plays . You better fake it . So you make it girl . I wish I could have seen .
Speaker 1Oh , you're going to hold a little tune . You got to get you some voice lessons .
Speaker 2Oh , no , no , no , I know my language . You know your limits . I just want to see MJ , the musical Someone asked what school did you attend for acting ? Oh , I went to the theater school at DePaul University in Chicago it's formerly known as the Goodman School of Drama and that's where I got my MFA in acting .
Speaker 1Ok , Check it out . Check it out , charel Stewart . Thank you for tuning in . Oh girl Tracy , I'm going to pull out my little book here .
Speaker 2You are hilarious .
Speaker 1You can purchase it now on Amazon
Entertainment Industry Challenges and Successes
Speaker 1. Yeah , no , I know we spoke on the phone a couple of weeks ago . I just want to give you your flowers because you were too busy giving me my flowers and with you , or just thank you . You deserve it . Thank you , I know it hasn't been easy for you , I know it has been a challenge and , honestly and truly , I am so proud of you .
Speaker 1And when I tell you , I literally teared up when I saw you in the theater . It was , you know , because it's like you're seeing the evolution . You know what I mean . And don't let anyone ever tell you different and don't let anyone ever dim your light . And too bad . You ask can't sing because I was hoping for Broadway . I can't . I tried , no , but I'll take Netflix because it's a Netflix thing , but we're going to get there . Yes , ok , did you find ? So ? You said you found challenges growing up . You know as a black girl and the light skinned girls got more attention . Did you find the challenging for you also in this , although you're in the black mecca ? Right , did you find some challenges being a black woman in this industry and I've heard this from other actors and actresses but have you ever experienced not getting a part or kind of being looked over over someone else because you know you're a black woman .
Speaker 2Not necessarily because I'm a black woman , but I don't look a certain way Like let me just keep it 100 . You know , this industry is about appearance , how you look , and I just don't have a lot of European , you know , features and there's just not a lot of space for women like me . They will give opportunities to maybe five of us and that's it . So I don't necessarily feel like it was because I'm black .
Speaker 1Black , the art world's written rather .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm a certain kind of I'm a sister . I'm just gonna be I'm a sister . When I walk in a room , it's really like they all stereotype me very quickly .
Speaker 1Did that . Because of that did you ever feel discouraged ?
Speaker 2Oh yeah , yeah , I told you , I quit before I moved there .
Speaker 1Did you quit again when you got there ?
Speaker 2I quit for three years . I mean , I did theater . I would do a play here , like the play that you saw , and a play there , but no , I haven't really quit . I think what has happened is my career shifted and my purpose has shifted . I find joy in mentorship . I like to mentor new artists because we didn't have them when we graduated school . They just put us out there and was like okay , bye With the girls right , figure it out . And nobody really taught us the business of being an actor . So I enjoy mentorship . I enjoy teaching , particularly .
Speaker 1I noticed you started coaching .
Speaker 2Yes , I have a self-taque business , okay , and I'll coach within the session , right ? The other coaching really requires a lot of me , so I have to pick and choose those moments . But I also teach . You know , I teach the self-taque class and I found- .
Speaker 1I'd love to be your student . You should come .
Speaker 2That class must be so fun because a lot of my students are based in Chicago , new York and LA . Wow , that's good to be , yeah , but that's where I'm looking to turn my focus , because we're multifaceted . If you're an artist , you're multifaceted . You should be . You shouldn't just depend on that one thing Because , as you know , as an actor , I haven't booked anything since February 2022 .
Speaker 1Well , the strike was happening , right . Well , february 2022 . Oh , last year , okay .
Speaker 2So I did a play starting December of last year and it took me out of the casting pool and then when I got back a couple of months later , the strike happened . So it's been kind of difficult to navigate . But I'm going to be honest with you . I wasn't one of those actors who was dying to get back to work . I knew there was a lot of self-work and self-care . I needed to do that . I was not doing for myself , because I was really overly focused on my career and I think sometimes when you're so tunnel vision , you'll forget to take care of yourself , you forget about your health period , you'll forget about pouring into yourself and doing those things that make you happy , bring you joy .
Speaker 1This self-care is so important in the aspects of your life and sometimes what I was finding that I was doing is I was just busy , busy , busy . But then I'm like am I being productive ?
Speaker 2So that's where I was like I need this break because I was doing so much for so many people that I forgot about me . So I was trying during the strike .
Speaker 1People suffer from that strike . They did , they did . I know some directors and producers from Atlanta you know as my second home , so I know a lot of people who were struggling . Yeah , but you know I'm not going to say that I didn't struggle , but what I want to know you can say you're blessed and highly favored and God got you and he will handle all the problems . This is what ?
Speaker 2but this is what I want artists to remember is that , remember , before you were making money , we were out here grinding , we were out here hustling . That can't , that can't never , we can't never get that comfortable , right ? So we feel like we can't have something in our back pocket , and I think that's what helped me was that , you know , I was doing some other things . I was teaching , I was mentoring , I was doing , you know . So I didn't really feel it like a lot of people who were just solely depending on the acting , which is , you know , if you can solely depend on acting , that's amazing , right ? What I'm saying is remember that thing , that that grind , that hustle we had , you know , before we were just Tracy focused .
Speaker 1You know my ADD . I go all over the place . I want to see you on the Tyler Perry .
Speaker 2I've been on Tyler Perry before , which one I was on have and have Nots .
Speaker 1I was on . Oh , you see , I didn't get into have and have Nots .
Speaker 2I was on two episodes and Tyler Perry amazing . The studio is amazing . I think their process moves a little quickly for me for my style of acting . I mean a lot of actors have photographic memories . I don't . I like the . I love theater because I can go over these lines over and over . I could do this play over and over .
Speaker 1Yeah , I was watching Maxine's Baby . Did you watch that documentary ? I haven't seen it yet . No , oh , good yeah .
Speaker 2I mean , my friends are on Tyler Perry and I look at them and I'm like y'all are different set of kind of actors . Y'all can do 80 pages a day .
Speaker 1Yeah , we may know you , we might just do seven pages , so let's shift over , because that was a good segue to see Maxine's Baby Love , love , love the show . Tell me how you landed that . What's been the process ? I ?
Speaker 2want to know everything .
Speaker 1Tell me the backstory , tell me the gossip . It's so funny .
Speaker 2I got this audition to play a Lutheran pastor and I was like I'm not going to get this . I literally just set the lines in a monologue and I can't see the comments too .
Speaker 2Yes , I can oh , I'm , will address that in a minute . But I did the thing . I played her like a real Baptist pastor because I was like I don't Google Lutheran and I was like I don't know what that is Right . And I was like I'm , just be me Right . And so I had a client come in and do the same audition and I was like , dang , and you're not the teacher , you wowed me .
Speaker 2You were amazing . I said let me show you my audition . And we laughed , we laughed at it and then , when I booked it , I called her . I said , girl , you're not going to believe me , you are not going to believe that I booked that pastor and after that it just I love her . I mimic , not mimic , but I draw from my mom . My mom is pastor , pastor general . She is very kind and wise and just tells you like it is , and so I mean that's how I got it . Really it was a self-tape . She's the fixer .
Speaker 1My mama yeah . She's the fixer , because everyone goes to pastor , pastor , June . Whenever everyone's going through something , who do they go ? And I'll tell you one thing that I love most about , because you know what type of show is that considered Like it's episodic drama . I guess you would right , you know someone say like it's a little cheesy and stuff like that , and you know , I don't know why .
Speaker 2Well it's , I call it down home wholesome . Yes , you know , and if that's cheesy , then I'll take that any day , because I love it because the message is yeah . Yeah , I think we are bombarded now with a lot of negative content and a lot of I cannot .
Speaker 1I like rom-coms , I like happy stuff , like you know some of those reality , you know I just love some of my housewives , you know . You know , with the other stuff it's just like I can't . I like feel good stuff , yeah .
Speaker 2There we go and it is a feel good show . It's down home community . You know these people .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's community , the community part . And you know , being from New York and obviously I lived in Atlanta for a few years and now living in and then living in Atlanta and being able to compare the two , I was exposed to so many new things living in the South and living , you know , up here . And it's just and I think that's why I love the show so much because it's like in Atlanta people have dinner parties right , like Sundays , they're doing stuff by the pool and I'm like what is this stuff ? Or a high school football game . People are tailgating .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1No , that's something that I've never experienced before . So going down to the South , I'm like damn , I'm actually slowing down and just enjoying the moment . So just the show being reflective of sisterhood friendship .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1They are for one another , what it means to be there for one another , that you're going to get into some shit but you're going to make up and be there for each other at the end and you know how much church and God and prayer is involved . It's good .
Speaker 2I love it . I love doing the show . I love my castmates . I know that's cliche , but I really do enjoy it . Like I look forward to going on that set . And sometimes that could be rare , you know , sometimes work can just be work , but they are really family . Yeah , it wasn't just work for us . It was actually , like , like you said , going to see my friend .
Speaker 1Brooke is my friend .
Speaker 2That's my homegirl . Like Joe , I can call Joe and say hey , joe , can you come pop up at a class for me ?
Speaker 1Wait , hold on who's Brooke ? I don't know .
Speaker 2Oh , brooke is Dana , sue , brian , the favorite oh . I love she is me in real life , Like we connected on a real level , like do I know you ? Like did you , did you date that guy , that same guy , Like we really everything about her is .
Speaker 1I love her character so much . I love when she was in her phase of , you know , stella getting her groove back .
Speaker 2Yes , no with a farmer , I love it .
Speaker 1Okay , so Dana Sue is Brooke . Oh , so who's Joe ?
Speaker 2Joe is the lead . I'm sorry , my dog is is bothering me .
Speaker 1Well , you want to be in this .
Speaker 2Oh my goodness , so cute , he's a baby Boy . I'm sorry , I'm sorry , bourbon , he's a baby .
Speaker 1Bourbon Say hey , my babies are not here . That's why the house is quiet Cause , or else this would not be , happening right now .
Speaker 2I'm sorry , no , I love it , he's part of it now , oh , joe is the main character .
Speaker 1Is that the the baseball player coach ?
Speaker 2Yes , yes , cal , why can't I find me one of those ? Yeah , I mean , it's going to happen , though . See , that's the thing I when I was talking about mindset like we .
Speaker 1Thank you , you know mindset yes , he is a cutie , cheryl .
Speaker 2To cutie no stopper Show stiller . I just really think it could happen for us . I think my issue is , like I said , mindset .
Speaker 1No , it's the mindset . I've got to work on my mindset . You got to work on the mindset . You got to be prepared for it and you know you got to write it down . But for me , I want to be a thousand percent Me . Yeah , I don't ever lose myself again . You feel like you lost yourself and I'm like , oh , my gosh . And my marriage . My girlfriend's like who are you Where'd ?
Speaker 2you go , and even , what do you mean ? Cause I know what I mean when I say I lost myself .
Speaker 1But like I stopped Myarlin , this , my radio , my entrepreneurship , I just fell into that submissive role , right , because I thought that that's what you do as a wife . That's just , I didn't know , you know , and I lost her you know , I didn't know where she went and that's being the life .
Speaker 1I didn't have life within me anymore . Wow , now it's like I'm growing . You know I love talking to you , I love doing my podcast , I love networking . You know all the things I used to do out there and I Helped being talking to people . That's just me , at my core , and I just completely stopped everything that defined me .
Speaker 2Well , that's crazy because when I would see you , you know and I don't know if it's social media that does this to us , that gives us this false sense of whatever , but when I would see you , you were working out and you know , raising your babies and you know it . Just it appeared that you had everything you know and I Would be lying if I I wasn't , if I didn't say that I was looking at your life , saying damn why I want that , you know , why can't I have that ?
Speaker 1but not , you know um .
Speaker 2Oh , do I need my tissues too .
Speaker 1No , no , no , we're gonna get it under control . You know , I think that you want things to work out so bad , and when I met my husband , it was great , it was great and then it was bad , and then it was great and then it was bad . But then it's denial , right , because you hear these stories like not everything is perfect , things will work out , or it's just a hump , and stuff like that . You know , so it's it was great . Because I'm like oh my god , someone asked me to marry them . Oh my god , I'm . I'm finally gonna Raise children with someone , right ? I'm not gonna be a single mother again , you know . So it's Creating the . Oh my god , I never had this . It's here , but at what cost . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1So when I finally started being woke and I started my podcast almost like a diadairy , because I needed a way to vent you know , this is why I started that this is me podcast , because I'm like it's not feeling the way it's looking hmm , oh Wow you know , and that's huge and you do look at social media and you do see I'm like , oh man , yeah , I think I have that and you know . But then I'm like but why don't I feel the way that it looks ? And Again , once I started being woke and wait a minute , I don't give a fuck how what looks , I , I care about how I feel .
Speaker 2Mmm .
Speaker 1And I was just venting on my podcast and venting , and venting and it was my idea diary until I Realized that I didn't care how it looked , I wanted to feel , I Wanted to feel me , I wanted to see me again .
Speaker 2So huge .
Desires, Regrets, and Acting Dreams
Speaker 2You know , I'm doing this play called intimate apparel and and Esther . This is 35 year old woman , I'm much older than her , but she's never been with the man . But that's something that she desires in 1905 . And she has a line in this play where she says , 35 , mamey , and he wants to marry me , yeah . And then she says , and I ain't got no more opportunities , I'm afraid . Or , and there ain't gonna be no more opportunities , I'm afraid .
Speaker 1So I've told him , yes , it's like , oh Wow because you , you feel like you set yourself this timeline . I'm like I was single for so long and here , you know , is I'm like I'm ready , I don't want to go out there , I want it . You know they meet . But then it's like once you realize , like what the fuck ? Where am I rushing to ? Yeah , so for you to see me and like , and I kind of want that .
Speaker 1That's why I was so transparent about Putting the downfall and the demise . You know , obviously he's wasn't too happy and still not too happy about it . But I always say , if you don't want , if you're embarrassed by what you done , maybe you should have never done your actions . Because I am a very transparent person . You've always known me to be that . I am a very open book and I'm not afraid to share my goals because of social media . Yeah Well , I have a wedding . The marriage didn't work out . You know I was sleeping on the couch with my kids and you know , look at me now and it's , it's a story . Like we all go through it . So if you are posting and thinking that you know Gucci here and vacation here and you're getting your ass beat , yeah , I feel sorry for you .
Speaker 2That's huge listen . Let me tell you something . I , on the eye , have always wanted to be a mother . I Always wanted to be married , though I always wanted to be a wife and a mom , and Now , as a 44 year old woman , I am undergoing the process of freezing my eggs and it's I'm really late in the process . They really start stop at 42 , right .
Speaker 2But they said they'll go up to 46 Mm-hmm . Because I chased my career and I'm finding a lot of women in my craft Chase their careers because we have we feel like we have such a short window , right , because we feel like this is a young woman's game , and so we're like , oh , I got to pursue my career , I got a hit , I got a , you know , and that's what happened to me . I was chasing my career and I overlooked some , a couple guys , you know , that could have been .
Speaker 1But I hope you don't regret that I .
Speaker 2Don't regret it , but I , I do regret not being a mom and a wife . I do . I Just said I .
Speaker 1That was a contradictory listen , I Do , I think . A lady in Uganda , linda Crazy , you are 44 , looking like you're going on 24 and crazy . Trust me , as a mother of four kids , four boys , oh boy , yeah , I don't know what you feel , so I'm not gonna tell you , don't ? You know ? I don't know what you feel . But it could have gone the other way right , like , yeah , I could be saying about you , man , I wish I would have chased my radio career . You know , back then up in New York , it was Wendy Williams , you know , an anti-marginal , and if I would have stood at it when I started it almost 10 years ago more over 10 years ago I probably would have been there . But I was at basketball games and coaching and , you know , had to work a full time to maintain , you know they mean . So I feel like it's potato , potato .
Speaker 2I feel like right now , though , like I really do . I'm like why do we have to force sake this thing To pursue what we want ? You know , why can't we have both ?
Speaker 1And I , I'm trying , I'm tired .
Speaker 2Girl .
Speaker 1But I feel like us women , we can . Strong women , we can have it all . You know it's gonna take time , it's going to be a journey , but just know that your path is your path and you know now you're ready the self-care and you had to go through those relationships . You know to realize like , wait a minute , I am beautiful , anybody can want me . It's a matter who I choose , who I choose , not who chooses me right . So don't worry , you'll be the perfect mother .
Speaker 2I'm gonna pray . That's all I can do . No , I'm serious . Like I had a breakdown in therapy on Tuesday . I was like I Missed the boat . I waited too late . It's too late for me . I live in Atlanta . It is so hard it is . Let me tell you something the younger guys .
Speaker 1But you just said you have to be open to it and you're not open to what day ?
Speaker 2Yeah , here's the thing I'm dating , but the younger guys are Attracted to me , but they don't want to settle down With me because I'm older and the older guys won't . Younger women I am just really .
Speaker 2I'm here , I'm in a weird range . It's that weird space . So that's why I May feel like , or it may seem like I'm not open , but I am . I want To share my life with somebody . I don't want to be in this house by myself . I fell out of my closet one day and almost hit my head and I just sat there and I boo-hoo Cry because I was like by myself .
Speaker 2I could have been in here , hit my head and then some you know , nobody's gonna know for three days I think , oh , we haven't heard from Tracy , because let's check on her . I could be dead in that closet . So , trust me , I think about Like being alone a lot and I don't think people really when they view Relationships , when they look at them , they don't look at them in totality . I think we look at relationship oh he fine . Oh , he got money .
Speaker 2Oh , he could take look at his job title , he could take care of me . But I don't think we really look at the soul of a person . We don't . How , how , what's their relationship like with their parents ? How do they treat their friends ? How do they view money ? You know our , our , our religious beliefs aligning with one another . Do we want to parent the same way ? Do you want kids like ? We don't look at that kind of stuff .
Speaker 1No , we do our age does the younger's ? You know the younger's , the elders . We look at that stuff with the younger's and I always say you can really get to know someone when they're around their closest friends . Yeah , cuz they're like in their true comfort zone . Now they're letting their hair down . Yeah , I'm on the same boat , but I don't want to be . I'm good Really . Yeah , it's got them , it's got . Oh , all right , I have a couple more questions , you know , thank you . Thank you for switching up the time . You know I have my son's game , see multitask . Go to my son's basketball game . Okay , what's next ? What's next for Tracy Bonner ? Where do you see yourself ?
Speaker 2in Arizona doing this play .
Speaker 1Oh , who is one like big actor ? What type of movie would you like to do and what actor or actress would you like to work with one day ?
Speaker 2I don't have the kind of movie , but I can tell you , the actor that I really would love to work with is Mahershala Ali he is so nuanced .
Speaker 1Oh , he's good , he's so good .
Speaker 2I watched this movie called Swan Song and there's a scene in it where he meets his wife on this train . It's the scene where they first met and they didn't say a word but , like they spoke so much For like two or three minutes and I was like , what did I just witness ? So I would love to be on a set with someone who's that nuanced and grounded and fine . Fine , he's amazing , but he just embodies everything I feel like an actor should have . Yes , when you watch him acting , he's not acting , he is honest and real and true .
Speaker 1I don't know he definitely embodies the every character that he plays for sure , and he is underlooked , I think .
Speaker 2Really he got two Oscars .
Speaker 1Is it ? Yeah , oh well , I just feel like in the public eye he's overlooked .
Speaker 2I think that's good though , yeah , you know . Oh , I forget the man's name . Anyway , I feel like when you can just go do the work and then go Go home , You're right and be out the blogs and out the news that's I know .
Speaker 1look at the other one .
Speaker 2I'm like yeah .
Speaker 1I was rooting for you .
Speaker 2Jonathan Mac .
Speaker 1Jonathan Mac yeah .
Speaker 2Yeah . At the height , at the height Well yeah , at the height , but this is I don't think it's the end form People are saying it's not the end , it's the career's over , but I really think he will take a couple years . It's gonna take a couple years . Stay out of the limelight , I say , keep your head down , focused And- .
Speaker 1I wanna wrap this up , but now that we're talking about him funny about we were talking about the trauma bonding . Oh yeah , so Megan is hand in hand with him .
Speaker 2Well , you know , I don't know how real their relationship is . It kind of seems out of the blue for me . Again , I don't know .
Speaker 1After she just divorced . And right , we don't know , we don't know her business , we don't . But from what we do know , from what we see here , she has married a pastor . Right , yeah , they divorced Not saying that all the pastors are good and , you know , holier than now and all that stuff and now she is like hands in hand , after this new divorce , with this man who's facing all these allegations Now , do you think she's healed ? Do you think she's trauma bonding ? Do you think , like now , is he feeding her that ? I love you , thank you for being here for me , but he's giving her whatever hole she was missing .
Speaker 2You know , I don't know if she's trauma bonding Again . I don't even know if this is a real relationship . They could just honestly be friends and people have said that they're in a relationship and they're just going with it . I don't know . I do recall seeing some interviews where she spoke about her marriage and how disappointed she was that it did end and it didn't end because she wanted it to end . So you know , I don't know .
Speaker 1Look , this is why dating is so scary . A pastor cannot make it work and you are led by God . Your covenant is protected by you know .
Speaker 2I got my own reason . I got my own thoughts about why I think that relationship didn't work , why I honestly think he struggled with her being not so much in the limelight . But she is a sex symbol , she is gorgeous , she's boom , bang , boom and I think that may for a pastor , that image for him may have kind of weighed on him , even though we've seen he's a bullshit he took up for her , he took up for her , I know , but I think you think you can put up with something or you can accept something about someone , and I mean they were together 19 years .
Speaker 1So that's a long time . Oh damn , I didn't know they were together that long . Oh , they were together for a while he probably thought she would like eventually tone it down Real quick . We can talk for hours . I'm gonna say real quick , 30 minutes from now , but Sony and Key , sony , o'neill and Keyron what's his name ?
Speaker 2I know I follow him .
Speaker 1You can just you know with that Keyon Keyon , Pastor Keyon , pastor Keyon . What do you think about that ? You know ?
Speaker 2I want it to work . Let me tell you I do . I struggle with her being on basketball wives and what it represents , the kind of behavior it represents . And then , yeah , keyon Henderson , the way they behave , I'm like , is this going to cause friction between , because she's the executive producer and she's also on the show ? Right , I hope it works out .
Speaker 1So I did catch him . I did catch one of his sermons because I just started , because I didn't really know who he was until you know , obviously she started promoting him and he does pray for the girls . Yeah , I mean , listen , you know we're not here to judge , because we know you're not holier than now and you know . So he does include the show and don't judge people for whatever . We're just going to pray for them and stuff . I think they're doing a good job in managing it . I don't know , I like them together . I like them to work . I do like them together , yeah .
Speaker 2I like them together and they seem to have a good chemistry . And he see , this is what I like about him . He seems very assured of who he is .
Speaker 1A man .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1A leader . Yeah , he's the first one . Guys , today just want to be with him Again . I don't know .
Speaker 2We don't know .
Speaker 1We don't know . But he talks a good talk and he walks a good walk , and I hope that is true , because a man's man is just very hard to find these days and I think that is why there is like a drought , you know , in the dating scene . All right , tracy , before we close out , oh , tell us , oh , tell us how we can find you . We can continue to support you . Give us your handles .
Speaker 2I don't have one , okay . I'm that person . You can find me on Instagram at the Tracy Bonner T-H-E , tracy , t-r-a-c-e-y , bonner B-O-N-N-E-R .
Speaker 1And that's it . That's it , tracy Bonner , I'm gonna take the time to chat . I mean , I'm more faithful . You're , like , my first official guest on this Is Me podcast . I've always just done them by myself , but I have such a good time connecting and speaking with everyone , so I'm going to try something and let's see how it works . Like I'm trying to like figure out a closing , okay . Okay , so I'm gonna start a sentence and you're gonna finish it .
Speaker 2Okay , oh .
Speaker 1You ready ? I am .
Speaker 2Amazing .
Speaker 1Okay , I am amazing .
Speaker 2I don't know , I am amazing .
Speaker 1I want to start .
Speaker 2We got to start saying these things . Even you know , I feel them right now .
Speaker 1Affirmation Tracy , I love you so much . Thank you for having me . You face , call me with Joe , okay .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1So say hey , joe , and yeah , we're gonna talk after this . So , thank you , love you . Bye , and thank you all for tuning in . Cheryl Stewart , thank you , you were being very interactive . Please like , share , subscribe and , as always , I will talk to you guys soon . Now how to end this live . Let me see , hit the bell Right here .