Betrayal from My Husband's Best Friend Part II

As a parent, you've probably faced moments that test your strength, but what happens when those moments stem from the wounds of betrayal? I open up about my personal journey of healing and the formidable task of co-parenting with someone who embodies narcissism. I'll take you through the raw, unvarnished reality of my struggles to process the complexities of my emotions and how, in the face of broken promises and disrespect from my ex-husband, I strive to maintain my composure for the sake of our children.

Chapters

• 0:01 Healing Process and Dealing With Betrayal
• 10:40 Challenges of Parenthood and Gratitude

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me podcast. I hope you all had a wonderful, wonderful, wonderful holiday that was filled with love and laughter. Mine was kind of eventful, not even gonna lie. I busted my ass on Christmas Eve, really really bad, and my four-year-old he pretty much saved my life, although I was running to save him, although he was fine, but he had locked himself in his room in my room and I was in the shower and I thought that he really maybe got his hand caught in the door or something. So Mom mode just kicked in, didn't even think twice. I had to get to my baby and I just ran out the shower and let me tell you, when I went and turned that corner, baby, I busted my ass Like really, really bad. It was so scary and I'm still suffering from the fall right now. I've been having headaches in the last couple days, but I went, got a CT scan. Unfortunately it was just a little mild concussion and some ulcers spasm. But yeah, never a dull moment with me.

Speaker 1: 1:22

But what I wanted to get off my chest today because I was just so enraged and I remembered, like I started this podcast to let out my feelings for me right Like a dear diary and if you guys have been following my podcast for a while, you know I did an episode earlier this year betrayal of my husband's best friend and while I'm still in my healing process and obviously have grown and growing and just in a way better place today than I was last year and earlier this year, right, and I've been discovering a couple things about this healing journey is that it has no time limit and I'm the type of person where it's like, okay, it happened, let's move on, move on. But when you do that, you're doing yourself a disservice because it's like it's almost like sweeping it under the rug. So during my healing process that I've been sharing and I hope I've been doing a good job in sharing it in order to help someone else who might be going through the same thing or might have went through the same thing. And again in this healing journey, I've come to the realization that it's in your time and you can't rush it and to remember to feel your feels. Whatever you're feeling at that moment, acknowledge it and it's okay to be there, but I like to understand why I'm feeling this way in order to not feel this way again.

Speaker 1: 3:09

So in the episode of my, the betrayal of my husband's best friend. We all know the story how he had this disgusting person in my face throughout our entire relationship and turned out she was just the pick-me-ho that this is nothing new for the both of them. They've just been around each other constantly. If he says jump, she says how high. And I've expressed to him over and over and gave my reasons as to why I don't want her around our children and I thought that there would be some ounce of respect, despite everything that was done to me during the time of our relationship and our marriage. And once I dropped that podcast he swore because understand that in order to get to a narcissist or have them have some sort of reaction, the only thing they care about is their image. So once I dropped that podcast, he swore up and down that he wouldn't have the kids around her. But long and behold, a couple days ago he had the kids and he came over to drop off the kids and my four-year-olds just kind of wanted to tell me, but not really telling me he's like, yeah, because I was just playing with everybody and he just kept repeating it and I just know that there aren't a lot of people at his dad's house. So I'm like, well, who's everybody? Then he said the trash's name and his dad immediately came and is like you're going to say that? You're lying. You're calling my four-year-old a liar to the point where a narcissist does not care. They will deny something to the end.

Speaker 1: 5:11

Understand when you are co-parenting with a narcissist, you are actually parallel parenting. It's called parallel parenting. That's for another episode. But basically you're trying to implement something as far as like a structure with your child and they are doing the opposite. So you're constantly trying to, you know. So not only are you manipulating our child and teaching them how to lie to their mother, and he gave every detail of what happened, whatever the situation was happening. And if you know my child, you know he's very, very, very intelligent. So he was caught red-handed and I wasn't going to argue. I wasn't going to argue because what happens over there? If you're ever going through a court battle, you are not in a position to try to control who and who's around your kid and who's not around your kid. If they have the time with that particular parent, I showed no emotion in front of the kids and of course he just wants to like make a show, make a scene.

Speaker 1: 6:21

Whatever the reason why I'm sharing this is because I was so angry. I was so angry, I was so enraged. It was like triggering and it's like how dare you, how could you? And then I had to talk to self. It's like, marilyn, you're doing so well in your life, you're headed in the right direction, you've done so much work, why are you continuing to allow this situation trigger you? And I think for me Is the lie, because if you're telling me okay, I won't, and then you're lying about it, so I think it's the lie more than the action. It's like how dare you? You still don't respect me. So I had to ask myself a couple of questions. Do I really give a fuck? If this person respects me? What did I expect if he was lying and disrespecting me during our marriage? This isn't someone I just had a kid, kids with. This is someone I married, lying and cheating During our marriage. So now that you're divorced, and not with this person, what makes you think that they're gonna give you any ounce of respect now? So when I talk to self and put that into that perspective, I had to.

Speaker 1: 7:48

Just I Saw Right, because at the end of the day and for the rest of their life. They will always be miserable. They will always do this song and dance. She will still be in the shadows while he Continues to be with multiple women and she is there on the shelf. It's taken off when needed and puts back when not needed, and that is her life. And I, you know I'm I'm an imperfect soldier of God, but I am a woman of a strong faith and at this point is more looking like. I feel sorry for you because that is a sad, isolated life, something of which I do not live, and if I allow for myself to fall into that emotion, I am right there in the boat with them and Gross. I don't want it. That is not the life that I am curating for myself. I walked away from that miserable life. I got off that boat.

Speaker 1: 8:55

So, as a Christian woman, what I would do is just throw you a lifesaver, and what that means is I'm gonna keep my hands to myself, I will no longer Acknowledge, I will no longer engage, I will no longer Stoop myself to sheep. Well, I walk around with my wolf head, power, everything. You know what I'm trying to say. My crown, yes. So I had to bet you know I'm like this Do what you need to do in order for your healing and, I think, for me, I think you just never let it off my chest.

Speaker 1: 9:38

And now how I'd never let it off my chest to her and it's like you smug bitch, because when everything happens, when it came out in the beginning, she was sending me Taxes or like memes and quotes, or like trying to be motivated, like you have to be one sick individual To be there and and still be there, and you're fuck, you're sick, you're gross. I Was not in a forgiving place. I'm not saying that I'm forgiving now because this is, this is something that was. You were smiling in my face for years. So this feeling of Anger and disgust and, you know, wanting to spit in your face, I think that's going to take time for me, um, and that's just like the continuous work that I have to do on myself, with myself, to let that One last bit go.

Speaker 1: 10:40

But I think that when it comes to your kids, it's, it's hard. You know, the kids, our children, are our blind sight, blind side. So if you're wondering what the status is, the pick me home is still there, will always be there, because that is just what they know the bull for them. And I just have to remember that I do live a blessed life and I'm not miserable. I, I am very, very, very, very blessed and I wake up every single day with gratitude. Thank you all for the continued support, for allowing me to rant. Shit ain't easy. It ain't easy because there are still two small children involved, very, very small children. But one day at a time, one step at a time, one tool at a time, adding more tools to my tool belt in order to Be able to handle life, because shit will always be thrown at you. Drama will always come and understand that the moment you leave your door, you're fighting a spiritual warfare. So, as always, thank you for tuning in. Do you guys hear him? And I will talk to you soon. Yes, yes.