This Is Me
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The path to resilience isn't always smooth, but it's a unique journey each of us must navigate. I dive into the deep end, facing the challenges that come with personal growth and life-altering decisions
Let's navigate life's twists and turns together, fearlessly embracing change and staying true to ourselves. Stand tall against judgment – you're in control of your journey. Join me in this empowering exploration of self-discovery because at #ThisIsMePodcast, we celebrate the strength that comes from embracing your authentic self! ✨🎙️ #ThisIsMePodcast
This Is Me
Rising from Narcissistic Abuse to Co-Parenting and Financial Independence: A Journey of Self-Healing and Resilience
Escaping the clutches of narcissistic abuse is a journey—a path I've walked and now share with you, piece by piece. It's a tale of transformation, gratitude, and steadfast faith. From the ashes of that turmoil, I've discovered the foundations of financial independence, the trials of health battles like H. pylori, and the delicate dance of co-parenting after a divorce. This isn't just my story; it’s a beacon for anyone who's felt the chill of a shared past, showing that with the right self-healing tools and a cautious heart, life can bloom once more.
I invite you to find strength in my reflections on mental fortitude. Consider this episode a testament to the power of journaling, affirmations, and spiritual practice—your armor in the face of co-parenting challenges and the pursuit of personal growth. We're not here to suffer; we're here to thrive, to spread light, and to stand as living proof that faith, resilience, and self-care are the cornerstones of transcending our deepest trials. Join me on this journey, and let's embrace the promise of a brighter tomorrow, together.
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This Is Me Journal
https://a.co/d/bKgyXlD
Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me podcast. And I am your girl, marilyn Boy, boy, boy. It has been a month, but before I get started and jump into everything that I have to unpack, I just want to start off by saying thank you to God. I know I used to do prayer Mondays to get the week right and I haven't done it in a while, but I can never forget to continue to give grace, gratitude, love to the man that makes it all possible for me every single day, and that is God. Because I'll tell you right now, I don't know how I would be able to wake up every morning, do what I do, if I didn't have God by my side. So just a quick reminder stay prayed up, stay in your prayers, write down your gratitude list and remember that every morning we wake up is a blessing. So, to segue into that, you know my life. Lately I've been loving the life that I've been living. I'm loving the life that I've been curating for myself. We all know what my journey has been the last two years. And again, all things are possible through God, because the only way that I am standing here today is because of him. You know my content. Creating it's creating. It's going all right. I am getting deals, collaborations. I'm not where I need to be in the numbers section as far as the income coming in, but it's coming in. I'm comfortable to say that I'm near what I would have been making at a nine to five. So won't he do it? I took the leap of faith, not once, but twice. I quit office jobs Like what am I doing here? This isn't my purpose, this isn't my passion. And well, as scary as it was, I took that leap of faith knowing that God was behind me and he was going to pick me up and break my fall. Rather, my kids are great. The children are thriving. I'm feeling better.
Speaker 1:I know I shared that I was experiencing some stomach issues. While they thought that it was gastritis, it ended up being age pylori. And the more research I did on this bacteria that lives in your stomach and apparently I've been living with it majority of my life. I got it when I was a little girl. It's very dangerous if it goes untreated, and if it goes untreated it's possible stomach cancer. So thank God that everything worked out the way that it did.
Speaker 1:I went through a first round of treatment. It didn't work. Then I went through a second round of hardcore treatment like strong ass, freaking antibiotics that for like two weeks I was down and it was terrible. It was miserable and I didn't go back to get tested because I just finished it. But I'm telling you, I think it died.
Speaker 1:I'm losing weight. I don't feel bloated anymore. I feel rested now. I don't feel lethargic as much as I always used to suffer with. I'm always tired. Granted, I have mad kids and doing a lot, but it just wasn't normal how tired I was. But health wise, thank the Lord, I am feeling great.
Speaker 1:And when life is going good, you know when the good comes to evil. And for many years I've struggled like damn, can't I just catch a break, can't I just enjoy this little thing right here. But now that I'm older it's almost like I embraced it, I've accepted it. Remember that word acceptance, not expectations, but acceptance. And when you accept things for what they are, you're better equipped to handle it. So, as much as my life has been just, I've just been enjoying it. I've been enjoying my journey. I'm still struggling.
Speaker 1:I'm still dealing with my divorce, with my marriage, because being a narc survivor is not an overnight thing. You will continue to face challenges, trials and tribulations, and drama, drama. You don't want drama that you try to protect yourself from. But this is why the healing process for you is so important. In order for you to Be a narc survivor and know how to handle it, especially when you're co-parenting with one, you have to constantly heal yourself, equip yourself so you're able to have the proper tools Should a situation present itself, that you know how to handle it and it's not consuming you and it's not taking over your life. But at the end of the day, we're all human to at some point it will just kind of try to suffocate you. But that's why we have feelings right, like being your feels, go through the motions, feel, do. It. Is that you need to do in order to Get yourself back up. You, we all know that I've struggled.
Speaker 1:I struggled with the divorce because, you know, I felt scammed, starting over again. I was never one of those women to be like, oh, I want to get married, I can't wait, like I just never. It just wasn't in me, not that I was just against it. I guess you know the childhood trauma and just seeing like I came from a divorced Household, so I never. I'm like I just don't want to go through that. You know I got scammed and thinking like things were perfect and I was older and sure why not? So that part broke me the most is like I did something that I said I would never do.
Speaker 1:And I'm not tainted from love. I do believe that everything happens for a reason and God will have whoever swore me exactly for me but you know I always say a less. God sits at the end of my bed and says my friend wants to talk to you. It's gonna be real hard but in any event. So I've been dealing with it. The last month I have been trying to do the best that I can possibly for the small babies because they're small babies and Trying to be the best co-parenting that I can be, and I was never one of those women that, no, you can't see your kids cuz you didn't pay me at that or whatever. But At some point, as a parent, as an adult, it is our job to protect our children. It is our job to do what's in their best interest. We have to break the gen generational curse and and teach them right from wrong, because Kids are not gonna do as we say. Kids are gonna do as we do. So what I am dealing with is having multiple women around my children and For a narcissist, you have to understand that they have no feelings, there's no empathy, there's no connection, there's no.
Speaker 1:All they care about is just feeding them. All they care about is Getting the attention that they want and they need, at Anyone's expense, and they don't care. This is why they'll get the new supply. Bring it to the old supply to try to Create this drama, because just that drama alone just feeds them. They feel it's just. And Listen, if you don't know about narcissism or narcissistic personality disorder is very textbook, so do your research and understand how it works. So, while they move on very quickly, don't feel bad, don't feel hurt, don't take it personal. It is just thumb needing a new supply cycle. Vampire, right, like they just need to just suck the blood. Suck the blood in because they just need to live and survive.
Speaker 1:So I've explained this several times Please protect me and the children. Due to the fact that I am out there. People do know me at times when I go out, especially my four-year-old. We know that he's Instagram famous. You just don't know what people's intentions are the last. So what does he do? He gets this new supply. He brings them to my house to drop off the kids. This is the second time already.
Speaker 1:I'm not gonna argue. I'm not gonna, you know, because this is what they want. You have to equip yourself To know how to handle it and not get yourself out of character. And it is very hard when it comes to your children, because we don't want to catch a charge. But, fathers, please understand that having Children are emotional beings. You're Subjecting your children to women after women, after women, so now the children are creating this relationship with them and then you rip them apart and then you understand the cycle, it. It is not healthy. If you want to go ahead and put your thing in this one, in that one and that one, go right ahead, but do not use the children to make yourself relevant. It will damage them emotionally. Do you think telling this to a narcissist? They understand what you're telling them? No, that is why, if you feel like you need to do what's best for you and your children, then you go ahead and you do that.
Speaker 1:I mean understand that I married a man who went to Sunday school. Mind you, I'm still married through the church and apparently, the more research I'm doing it. Doing it because my mother told me I didn't believe it, I did not want to get married to the church, because even through me, I'm like if you get married through the church, that is serious. It is like there's no divorce thing. That's how I felt. So when he proposed that he wanted to get married through the church and he didn't get baptized or did it do his confirmation or anything like that, I'm like all right, this is forever. I was scared. But I'm like you know what fear ain't gonna get you nowhere or just jump or don't worry about it. Sometimes, when things are uncomfortable, you get a little scared. So I'm like, let's get married through the church. So we're married, we're divorced by the state and apparently now I have to get divorced by the church. But they say, like some people don't really get divorced from the church because, like it's a harder process to get divorced through the church than it is to get divorced through the state. But the only thing is is like if you still remain married through the church, you won't be able to get married again through the church if you're not divorced from the church. Do I have intentions of getting married through the church again. Never say never. However, I want to be disconnected as much as possible, but anyways, yes, I'm dealing with that right now.
Speaker 1:He brought a new supply to my house to drop off the kids. You know, and I spoke to the girl. She was very respectful, didn't come out of pocket and I said just do me a favor, woman to woman, don't make it a habit Now, if you're all together six months, you know what I'm saying, because I'm not trying to stop anybody from doing what they want to do or live how they want to live, because I wouldn't want that to be done to me. But I still have to protect my children. I think it's only right and common sense for any parent that you know and I was trying to do the co-parenting like we would go out and do things together with the kids, because I don't, I don't want to fuck up my kids because kids, because they're still so little and it's just trying to create a normality for them. But it's not normal if my kids are seeing mommy and daddy, we go out and do things, and now this person and now that person my children have been around for women since we've separated Four. You know what I love the most when they always come back and say you have great children. It's almost like their way of telling me like, oh, I've been with your kids and all this and this. Just breathe, marilyn. Breathe One day at a time, one step at a time, one hour at a time.
Speaker 1:The most challenging thing about this is how would I say, challenging. Let me strike that Aggravating. It's aggravating that I have to deal with this. I'm frustrated that I have to deal with this. I'm annoyed that I have to deal with this. I am pissed that I have to deal with this. However, I'm equipped because you're not going to stop me from what I have to do, because that's the devil's work. This is why I said in the beginning things in life are going to be thrown at you. You're going to have a great win and then you're going to have the devil trying to come and just take it from you. Notice when you have to just continue to remind yourself that God is good. God is good. God got you and he didn't bring you this far to leave you this far. If you don't do things with ill intent, everything will work out for you. You just have to stay the course. Stay the course. Stay grounded, stay patient. Just know that this, too, shall pass.
Speaker 1:I get a lot of messages like, man, you're so strong, and hearing now all that I'm going through and seeing me, or seeing the videos that I post. I'm not living a lie, I'm just living my life, because this is life right now. When you're going through a divorce, it's like going through a death, and then there's always gonna be bullshit. I just get up and I just deal with it, cause guess what? I'm still living, loving and living this little life of mine and no one's gonna come in and interrupt it. So while you feel people will always try you, people will always test you, people always try to throw you off your game. You gotta stay the course. Deal with the bullshit, because the bullshit is not that big, bigger than the plans that you have for yourself. This little bullshit that I'm going through right now is so small compared to the dreams and aspirations and the goals that I have for myself and the fact that my God is bigger than this devil that's trying to distract me. Baby, look at me. Look at me sipping my coffee and minding my business. Minding my business.
Speaker 1:What do I do when I get aggravated? What do I do? I take a deep breath. What do I do when someone tries to test you or test me? Take a deep breath. You know what I've been saying lately no weapon Cha Formed against me, no weapon formed against me shall prosper, because who can be against me if God is for me? Just get you a couple of scriptures that kind of relate to you. That just gets you back centered. You repeat those scriptures three times over and over, as many times as you need.
Speaker 1:There are some days where I stay in the Word all day. I listen to a sermon all day because our mind is so powerful and it can kind of, if you were in your thoughts and you're not letting shit out it can just take you to dangerous places. But when I listen to the Word and I pray to God like he's sitting in the passenger seat in the car with me, I'm like you need to calm me down right now Because look and it works. It works. So anytime some new act happens, or the nark tries something else or is calling nonstop or is texting nonstop, no weapon formed against me. Come on now Listen, guys. Life is hard. Life is hard and it makes it much more harder when someone's trying to distract you in, but to whom much is given, much is required.
Speaker 1:I don't know why I ended up getting married and having two more kids and people were like damn, he was almost out. I have a junior in college and a junior in high school. But I tell you, those two little babies, oh my God, they've taught me so much. They've taught me how to really love, more than I already love, my other two kids. They made me appreciate my other two kids even more. They've taught me enjoy life. This is why I pretty much wake up every morning. It's like today's gonna be a good day, because when those babies wake up in the morning and the little one goes good morning mommy and Rome.
Speaker 1:You know he's always dramatic, even when he wakes up is just, he wakes up and he wants what he wants, you know, and that in itself is like motivating. Let me may wake up and get what I want, go after what I want, and it's like light. That's how simple life is, and I'm not overcomplicating my life and I'm not gonna allow anyone else to over complicate my life. So don't ever let anyone guilt you for what's doing what. Don't allow anyone to guilt you for doing what's best for you and your children. I'm not gonna go on a rant anymore about this because I'm sure I'll come back with some more, because it's always an event when you're co-parenting with an arc. But I will tell you this stay consistent with your mental exercise, and I tell this to my children.
Speaker 1:You can go to the gym every day and exercise, but are you exercising your mental? Get up and read, get up in journal you can purchase my journal on Amazon right now I have two of them and just get up and just write, let it out. If you don't have anyone to talk to, if you don't have anyone to vent to, just hold on my computer locked. Are we still recording? Yes, we're still good, sorry y'all. Journal, journal, journal.
Speaker 1:Stay in your word, stay prayed up and focus on exercising your mental, because our mental is so powerful and if we're not feeding it what it means, the positivity, the affirmation it's, you will self-destruct. If you're going through so much shit in your life right now and you don't know how to handle it and you feel like you're, you just want to crawl in a hole and no one find you. Get out, stand up and focus on you. That's you. That's the number one purpose in life is to work on yourself.
Speaker 1:We are here as a vessel in this earth, god's children, to just spread his work. That's why, for me, I will always tell you God did it. He will always do it to share the message, to share the journey and to remind you that he didn't put you here for you to live a life of suffering. So don't disrespect him like that. Do your part because he's doing his part. Exercise your mental. That's all I have for today, y'all. I hope that my experiences and my journey, what I'm going through, helps you or someone that you know like. Subscribe, comment. As always, I love you all. Stay, prayed up, say blessed, remember this too shall pass and I will talk to you soon.