This Is Me

Turning 40: Embracing Life’s Simple Joys and Overcoming Challenges

• Marilyn

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Turning 40 has been a profound milestone for me, one that prompted a two-month hiatus from the podcast as I navigated the emotional landscape leading up to this significant birthday. Have you ever wondered how a simple birthday can transform your perspective on life? Join me as I recount the serene celebration that deepened my appreciation for life's simple joys and underscored the importance of genuine connections. From the happy moments with authentic people around me to the small blessings that make life beautiful, this episode is a heartfelt reflection on what truly brings happiness.

Alongside these personal revelations, I also open up about the emotionally taxing custody battle with my ex-husband and how it has been a setback in my healing journey. This challenging chapter has impacted the planning of my upcoming Women's Empowerment event, yet it has also fueled my determination to live my best life. Inspired by Jennifer Lopez's documentary, I discuss the importance of expressing emotions and not masking pain, sharing my renewed understanding of life's meaning at 40. I express my deepest gratitude for the unwavering support from my listeners, family, and friends, and look forward to continuing our journey of healing and self-love together. Be blessed, productive, and great!

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Speaker 1:

Hello everyone and welcome back to this Is Me podcast. I hope you guys missed me as much as I missed you. I pretty much took the month of May off because it was my birthday and your girl turned 40. So I know it's been about two months since my last podcast but honestly, just leading up to my birthday I was in a moment of silence within myself because I was just going through so much. You all know I'm currently in court with my ex-husband over custody of the children. If you listen to my previous podcast, and just being in that situation kind of opened up old wounds and kind of pushed back my healing process a little bit. And that aside, I was also just like embracing turning 40 because it is just insane and I've always said like the moment you turn 18 to 21, your mindset is different. From 21 to 25 is different. From 25, 26, 27 for the next five years until you reach 30 is different. But let me tell you when you are about to enter into your forties, it is just insane on the transition of your mindset and really what it is that you want in life and understanding life. And I was just loving it. I love being 40.

Speaker 1:

I had a wonderful 40 year old 40th birthday. On the day of my birthday, I woke up. I took the kids to daycare, I went to the gym, I went out to the liquor store and got me a bottle of champagne a Vivecly Clue to celebrate being 40. Got me a bottle of champagne a Vivecly clue to celebrate being 40. I had scheduled an at-home massage, which was luxurious. I literally felt like I was on vacation with this massage. It was just amazing. And, yeah, I went and picked up my kids, I went to my girlfriend's house and they sang me happy birthday and it was the best birthday ever. It didn't have to be lavish, extravagant, it was just perfect. And when you reach 40, you realize that it's the simple things in life that truly matter. If you have a good group of people, or even one person or two people that you can lean on and depend on and count on and who are truly authentic, that's really all you need in life. As long as you have food in your fridge, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and I'm truly, truly living in a moment of pinch me, you know what I mean and anything that happens here after is a bonus, because I've hit the bottom. I was at the bottom, and when you're at the bottom, when you hit rock bottom and you just get to the top on your way up, every little blessing is truly appreciated, every win is to be celebrated. So I just feel amazing. I look amazing, um, I just feel great. My kids are good, um.

Speaker 1:

But again, I'm still dealing with that other part of me where I was lost for a moment, a period of my life, and slowly but surely I was finding myself. I'm finding myself and, um, yeah, what else is happening? I have two listings I'm getting more brand deals. I'm currently planning my second woman's empowerment, the we Too Brunch. Women Empowerment we Eat Together. So I'm excited about starting to plan that, which I'm a little behind the ball because I have it scheduled for August 3rd and, honestly, this court thing has kind of really consumed me, which I'm a little bit upset with myself because of it, but it's okay because when it comes to your children, you can't focus on anything else.

Speaker 1:

But I just wanted to share something today with you because I was watching the Jennifer Lopez love story and stuff. There was like the kind of musical movie and then she did a documentary about why she wanted to do the movie and what led to her really putting herself out there and she really gets deep about her emotions. And I think that for me during my healing process, that was one of the things that really helped me a lot was healing, being vulnerable, expressing and sharing and knowing that I'm not alone in a place of pain, because we kind of tend to mask it. It's like everything's perfect, but no, we are hurting. It can look great on the outside it's why I'm such an open book but deep down we're fighting these demons and unless you speak about it you won't be able to understand it. Because if you're only thinking about it in your own head, then you having conversations in your own head is dangerous, because one thought can lead into another thought, one thought can lead into another thought and you're never really unpacking to try to process it or understand it. So what I'm trying to say is that with Jennifer Lopez in this documentary she was hold on.

Speaker 1:

Let me back up for a second, because Jennifer Lopez has always been disliked or not liked or no one ever really has been able to kind of connect with her, been able to kind of connect with her. And in this document everything always says it's like surfacy, like she's just posing or she doesn't come back to the Bronx or she's not real. But in this documentary she became very vulnerable and she just explained how she just always dealt with insecurities and that's why it's like you always have to look good or you always have to feel good, but always have to feel good. But deep down inside, or she was craving something and never under really understood what it was. And now, at this age where I think she's 50 or 50 something, she has come to the realization that she was raised by narcissistic parents or she had a narcissistic mother and never really knew her place or never even felt accepted, even though she was doing these great things and understand that.

Speaker 1:

If you hear a lot of celebrities deal with the battle is they play this role but at the end of the day, they're still human and they just don't know how to process their normal life. So they're just playing this character and I think that that was the case with Jennifer Lopez, that she was just playing Jennifer Lopez, that she knew how to do, but she didn't know how to be Jenny. She didn't know who Jenny was and it's why through every marriage is kind of I love him, this is it and stuff like that. But you kind of chase something, or you chase that love instead of learning how to love yourself. And, personally speaking, when I left my ex-husband, there was a certain point where I had to stop putting the blame on him. It's like why did I fall into this, why did I fall victim into this situation? And it's because maybe I didn't love myself the way that I thought I loved myself, not realizing that I myself was raised by narcissistic parents and really understanding what narcissism meant.

Speaker 1:

So for her, at 50 years old, to finally be open about the demons that she was fighting within, now she's going to be able to start her healing process. Now she's really going to start loving herself, because we tend to seek the love that we feel like we lacked when we were little. We tend to seek the love that we feel like we lacked when we were little. You know, it's that generational curse, it's that childhood trauma. No-transcript. We're allowed to make mistakes, but we're also. We also have to learn from that, you know. And again, the prize of getting older is to become more, have more wisdom, and it really is a beautiful thing.

Speaker 1:

That's why, for me, I'm always like if you need someone to talk to, because maybe there are. You know, there are some of you who don't have anyone to lean on and just have a safe place or talk about what you went through or what you're going through a million times a day until you're able to process it. And once you process it and keep asking yourself the tough questions like well, do I love myself? And what was it that caught me? What was it that I'm lacking inside that he kind of gave to me and I believed him and I kind of clinged on to that. And you know, going through my court case now, I've been frustrated with myself, I've been angry and stuff. Because why am I still feeling this way?

Speaker 1:

But understand that things do take time. Healing does take time and maybe sometimes people aren't fully healed regarding the trauma that was caused on them. So you're not actually necessarily healing from the person, or you know I miss them, you know this and that, but what you're healing from is being a victim. And now for me it's like I was a victim of this person's. You know I was a victim of this person's. You know game or story or movie that they live in their universe, and for me it's like I have to protect my children and make sure that they don't fall victim to that. You know also, for me I can say I don't know who the hell I married, but I sure as hell know who I divorced. So understand that once you leave your situation, you're no longer a victim, you're free, you're out of jail and now, once you process that and understand that, you can then go and start your healing journey. You're allowed to do that. You're deserving. So don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some grace serving. So don't be so hard on yourself. Give yourself some grace and don't let anyone guilt you or fault you for healing how you need to heal, not for how they need you to heal, but don't apologize for how you need to heal.

Speaker 1:

And I think that for Jennifer Lopez her doing this movie because no one wanted to back her up, she every studio was knocking her down. They just didn't believe in her project. And she's like I have to do this. I don't know what it is, but it's something inside of me says that I have to do it. And she put up her own money. That's how much she believed that she needed to share what was burning inside of her and I think it was more, not her telling the world everything. This is the way that she knows how to express her pain and her trials and tribulations and again it just goes back to heal.

Speaker 1:

However, you need to heal. If it means that you need a community and you want to bring people in and you want to share stories, then do that. If it means you want to journal, if it means you have to go to the gym, do whatever it is. But start your healing process because it will eat at you and you have to let go of the anger, because the anger is what's going eat at you. And you have to let go of the anger because the anger is what's going to consume you.

Speaker 1:

And for me, while I've let go of the anger at times because I'm not perfect, there are moments where again I said I was angry. I get frustrated, but for the most part, being angry is not going to change anything. It's more processing and asking yourself how did I get here? What is it that led me to this? What is it that I need to do to improve so I don't fall victim to this again? You know, but yeah, I just wanted to share that. Even our celebrities and you know people who have it all, still don't have it all, because peace is expensive and it comes at a price. Okay, happiness, now that's free. Find your peace and you pay that price and you set your boundaries and you filter out the people who are no longer serving you. Then you're going to get to that happy place and that's priceless. And trust and believe. I will tell you this y'all because I do get messages like oh my God, you're so positive and you're so motivational and I just love your content and all of that.

Speaker 1:

I work hard. I work hard towards that Just as much as I work at the gym, as hard as I work at the gym. I work hard on my mental as well. I'm intentional about it. I make it part of my daily routine, whatever, if it's reading the Bible, journaling, saying my affirmations, you know, repeating scriptures, I can do all things. Through Christ, who strengthens me, or, if God be for me, who can be against me and noble weapons formed against me shall prosper. I am reiterating scriptures in my head all day to make sure that when I have that negative thought, I immediately replace it with a positive thought. That is doing the work on your mental because life is lifing, people are peopling and the devil's always. You know, with the good comes the bad and the devil's always behind you, trying to just throw you off your game. So I just wanted to leave you out with that little, with that little gem, with that little diamond. Take it as you want it. I hope it helps.

Speaker 1:

But the this Is Me podcast was truly started if you just go back to my first episode, I think in 2022 or the end of 2021, rather, it was my escape from the misery that I was living, you know, and I got out of it and here I am today. You guys have been with me since day one and I'm proud of myself, and it's okay to tell yourself that you're proud of yourself. And I seen this meme the other day. It said my mom. My mom clapped so hard for me that I didn't hear the naysayers. My mom worked two jobs, so that wasn't the case for me. But I clap so hard for myself now and I wish I would have done that more before, when I started in this industry of taking pictures or being on the radio, or you know, I've been in the game for a very long time and if I would have done that back then, who knows where I would have been now.

Speaker 1:

But this is my journey. This is where I'm supposed to be right now. I had to go through that to be here and I wouldn't change my story, and this is just. This is a new chapter. You know, the last decade has been a whirlwind, but I'm excited for chapter 40. I truly, truly, truly am, because it is now that I know what I want. It is now that I know what I'm not going to accept. It is now that I know what life truly means and I'm just out here trying to live my best life and blocking these weapons, baby. So yeah, I love you all. Thank you always for supporting me and my family and my children and everything like that. As always, share my podcast, like, subscribe, comment, shoot me a DM, whatever you want to do, but just reach out and I love you all. Be blessed, be great, be productive and, as always, I will talk to you soon.