Supervision Series #2 - Coaching presence - How to stay present and recover when we're distracted

Supervision Series #2: Am I Truly Present in Each Coaching Conversation?

Podcast Summary:

Presence is one of the most powerful tools a coach can develop, yet it’s easy to lose focus amid distractions, pressure, and our own internal dialogue. In this episode of Coach Conversations: The Supervision Series, we explore what it truly means to be present in a coaching session.

How do we prepare ourselves mentally and emotionally before a session? What pulls us away from presence? And when we do get distracted, how can we return?

We’ll reflect on the challenges of staying engaged, explore practical strategies to deepen presence, and consider how supervision can support us in strengthening this foundational coaching skill.

Connect with Brendon on LinkedIn or via coachingsupervision.com.au

Transcript

Supervision Series #2 - Presence

[00:00:00] Brendon Le Lievre: Hello and welcome to the coach conversations podcast, the podcast where coaches have conversations about all things coaching. I'm Brendan Laleve and today again, I'm joined by you for the second session of our supervision series that I've been doing. Uh, the intent of the supervision series is to explore some of the reflective questions that we would use in supervision to deepen.

yours and mine and others coaching practices. Last episode we spoke about what is coaching supervision, why it matters and how does it work and what are the options for it. Today I really want to dive into something that helps us be a better coach. Uh, what is a thing that contributes to great coaching, which is presence and Lots of coaches, myself included, get told, Oh, you've got a nice presence.

I really like your presence. And I'm still not always sure exactly what that means. So, part of presence is, How present are we in our coaching sessions? So, how present are you in your coaching session? What distracts you in your coaching session, so you're not fully engaged? And what habits can we put into place?

For our coaching for so our counterparts experience greater presence. So let's explore that and some different suggestions about how you might strengthen yours.

In the book presence, exploring profound change in people, organizations and society. There's a reflection on presence about it. First being thought of as being fully conscious and aware in the present moment. The authors go on to say, Then we began to appreciate presence as deep listening, of being open beyond one's preconceptions and historical ways of making sense.

We came to see the importance of letting go of old identities and the need to control and making choices to serve the evolution. And I think that's a nice way to think about it. Presence and how we show up and that need to let go of control and be really connected with what is happening in front of us with the conversation that we are having.

So it's not just showing up, I'm here, I'm physically here. Let's get on with the coaching. That's not enough. It's about being fully engaged. about being mentally and emotionally connected with our, with your client. So it means we listen deeply and not just to the words, but to the tone, to the pauses. And we start to look at what's unsaid.

We bring genuine curiosity and rather than racing ahead to the next question and what we might ask and where we need to go to next. We are connected and listening and present, thinking about what is, is happening in front of us.

And we manage our own internal dialogue. So we're not distracted by what's happening in our head. We're all of which relates us better with our clients, our counterparts. They feel, they feel that. They feel heard at a different level. Uh, they sense that depth of attention and that allows them to access more profound insights and breakthroughs.

One of the things we need to do that is to suspend our need of control and our mental models and our beliefs about how things work, um, presence, exploring profound change in people, organizations, and society. The authors say. Suspension allows us to be more aware of what our habitual thoughts are as we simply step back and notice them.

Redirection opens up new levels of awareness by moving beyond the subject object duality that normally separates us from our reality.

So part of what we need to do is let go to be present.

And some of the things we might need to let go of Some of the things that might pull us away from being present could be our own thoughts. Am I delivering enough value here? Is that the best question I should have asked? I really wish I'd had another go at that. I've just realized I'm distracted and I'm not present and I've beaten myself up mentally for being distracted, which is ironically further distracting me.

I might find myself tired. Worrying about the future. What else is happening this afternoon? And really common is I want to get it right. I want to do the best thing I can do for my counterpart here. I want to make sure that they get the best, that they achieve great value from our coaching. And there might be external distractions.

We might have electronic notifications. We might be interrupted by construction work or someone knocking on the door or if we're coaching in a cafe, people walking past. We might be distracted by time pressure, late in a, in a coaching session and we get to something that's really powerful and feels important and we want to spend, I've only got 10 minutes left, how are we going to deal with this?

Or something might happen with our client that triggers us in some way. We might have someone share something that doesn't match with our values or our thoughts of what they should or could be doing.

And sometimes we don't realize all of that until well after the session. We don't even catch it in the moment. Which is why regular, structured, supported pauses for reflection are important. It helps you to notice those patterns, helps you to make adjustments. So my reflection question for you here is, what are the moments where you find it hardest to stay present in your coaching sessions?

One of the best ways you can improve your presence is to set yourself up for success before the session starts. So we might consider what's, what's your mindset before a session? Are you rushing in? Did you get caught in traffic or did the Zoom or Teams or Webex link not work? Have you had an opportunity to pause and centre yourself?

What are you doing physically and mentally to prepare? Would a short walk, a deep breath or a moment of quiet help your transition? And how are you managing your own energy? Are you taking enough breaks between coaching sessions? I know historically I've committed to doing 5 or 6 one hour coaching sessions in a day early in my coaching career and that is too much coaching for me.

Session 5 and 6, I wasn't coaching at my best because I was tired and I've only done that once and I no longer do it. I'm more discerning with where and how I spend my time. Even if I find a 30 second pause before I start coaching can make a difference. And if I can't find it before the session, I will extend the offer to my counterpart.

Would it be useful for us to just take 15 seconds, 30 seconds to transition from what we have been doing into what we are doing now and to just pause. and take three deep breaths and ground our feet and be ready to step into that.

But if I'm not mindful of that or aware of that, then I don't offer it. And then we miss out me and my counterpart. So the reflection here is what's a small change you could make to your pre session coaching routine that would improve your presence.

Returning to presence in the moment. So even when we do the best preparation we can, we will have moments when our attention slips. What's important when that happens is to notice it and to bring ourselves back. So here are a few techniques you can use to regain your presence. The first is just to take a mindful pause.

Oh, I'm drifting. Come back. Deep breath, refocus, reconnect with curiosity. So shift back to your, your counterpart and ask like, what's happening for you right now? Get them to share that you might find that they were distracted as well and that a mindful pause would be useful for them.

That helps build awareness. That helps build trust. That helps demonstrate your presence.

So just to stop, take notice, observe, pause, and then step back in is a nice model you can use to regain your presence if you need to.

So how do we explore this further in supervision? If, when I'm supervising coaches, I, I ask them to always bring, Something to each session, uh, a conversation they've had with a counterpart, something they've noticed in themselves, a pattern that's appearing. And usually I will share, uh, some thought prompter questions.

Uh, and so these are some that I might share, uh, for people to just start thinking about what they're going to talk about at supervision. So you might think about a recent session that you were really present in, you were really connected and what worked, what helped you to be in that space. You might bring a session where you struggled to stay engaged.

What distracted you? What got in the way? What didn't work? And you might reflect on, well, how does my presence impact my coaching outcomes? I had a, a coach join me for a supervision conversation and they said, I feel like all I did, Brendan, was be a sounding board. I just sat there and listened and was present and asked a couple of questions, but it was almost like the person just needed a presence there.

And their thinking was able to come out as a result of that. And they were wondering, did I do enough? And my reflection, and their reflection, through our conversation was, yes I did. Because I was present, and I was listening, and I wasn't distracted. And I created that space for the counterpart to reflect on those things, and unpack those things, and explore those things.

So presence is a skill, and like all skills, it'll improve with practice and reflection. Over the next little period, I would like you to reflect on and notice, when do you feel most present in your coaching sessions? When do you struggle to stay engaged? And what's one habit you could implement to improve your presence?

I know when I feel most present in my coaching. I'm not worried about the next question. I'm not worried about the last question. I'm thinking that should have been a better question. I'm not holding on to something that I think, oh, this will be really important. And I've got to come back to that. If it's important, it'll come back up.

When I'm really present, not only to my counterpart, but the environment we are in. I will notice things that happen in that environment and I will present them as offers for further reflection from our counterpart. It did this. I was coaching someone and we sat outside in a cafe and they were exploring a career change, fairly significant one.

And as we were talking, I could see behind them some storm clouds gathering, quite dark and serious looking storm clouds. And they spoke more and more about their current role and they were building and sort of starting to roll in. And so because I was present, I was able to draw their attention to those storm clouds.

And I asked them something like, how are the clouds? relevant to what we've been talking about. And that created great insight for them about the choice that they were able to make or going to make.

So good luck in future sessions. Look forward to hearing how you've gone about improving your presence. Uh, If today's conversation has resonated with you, I'd love to hear those reflections. Please connect with me on LinkedIn, where I will be posting thoughts about coaching supervision weekly, or you can visit coachingsupervision.

com. au to explore supervision with me further. Until next time, stay curious and keep doing awesome work as a coach.