Intangible Balance Sheet Episode 16: Don Bentley

Welcome to another Intangible Balance Sheet episode. Today Don Bentley joins us to share stories of his Intangible Balance Sheet that stem from growing up in the Midwest, Serving in the Army, Corporate America and also finding his calling as an Author.  So much to unpack and I suspect we only got a peripheral view in our short conversation. Enjoy! 


JOSH KLOOZ, CFP®, MBA
SENIOR WEALTH PLANNER

Phone 281.719.0036
Text 281.699.8691
Fax 281.719.0156
jklooz@carsonwealth.com

1780 Hughes Landing | Suite 570
The Woodlands, TX 77380

music by bensound.com

Please check out and subscribe to my Youtube Channel and Newsletter!

JOSH KLOOZ, CFP®, MBA
WEALTH ADVISOR

Phone 281.719.0036
Text 281.699.8691
Fax 281.719.0156
jklooz@carsonwealth.com

1780 Hughes Landing | Suite 570
The Woodlands, TX 77380

Music by bensound.com

Transcript

Joshua Klooz  0:01  
most people are aware of their own financial balance sheet. As soon as we buy our first car or house, we become aware of it. If you're of a certain personality type, you may track it quite a bit. But I'd submit to you that we're also unconsciously aware of another balance sheet. And this one is sometimes tricky to measure and even harder to manage. Sometimes we often find it hard to put into words, but it's real nonetheless. I call this our intangible balance sheet. What I mean by this are those life principles, experiences, memories and stories that given any amount of money, we wouldn't drain. They're the memories that bring tears of joy to our faces, because we simply can't imagine life without them. We feel fortunate to have had them. It could be our first jobs, proposals, wedding days, burrs, struggles, anxieties, or fears, and maybe even some hindsight. It's all those things that melt into a memory that bring a distance stare to our face, and maybe even a smile. We feel lucky to have had them because they're what has made us us. So that's what I'm talking about when I talk about the intangible balance sheet. It's those moments in life that may be financially irrational, but which are indispensable parts of who we are. So, these episodes are focused on the stories that bring us joy, happiness, fulfillment, and ultimately may hold unnecessary keys that will direct the future for our family, friends, and maybe even neighbors. So listen in with us as we discover some of those stories that are meaningful to our guests. And maybe you'll even uncover hidden value on your own intangible balance sheet. Welcome to the wisdom and wealth podcast. Today's episode is another of our intangible balance sheet episodes. And it's my pleasure to welcome to the podcast, Don Bentley. Don is a veteran, a businessman, and most recently a full time author. And I'm really excited to dive in and hear more about what's on his personal intangible balance sheet. Don, welcome to the podcast.

Don Bentley  2:08  
Yeah, thanks so much for having me, Josh.

Joshua Klooz  2:11  
The pleasure is ours. As always said, Dawn just for level setting, and to kind of set the table. Could you give our listeners a little bit more of your upbringing and your background? Growing up?

Don Bentley  2:25  
Sure. Yeah. So I am from Ohio originally, even though we've been in Texas for off and on for almost 20 years now and went to the Ohio State University on Army ROTC scholarship, and

Joshua Klooz  2:42  
small parochial school and Columbus, Ohio.

Don Bentley  2:45  
Exactly, little little cow town there in Columbus, Ohio, and got to spend 10 years after college, in the Army as a Apache pilot. And it is hard to have a bad day when you get to fly Apache helicopters. And most of the time, you can't even believe they're paying you to do it. And so did that for 10 years, including a deployment to Afghanistan in 2005 to 2006. And then I got out of the Army, my wife and I were highschool sweethearts. So we moved back to Ohio for a while and spent a couple years in corporate America but wasn't quite ready to sit in a cubicle. And so went in the FBI for a couple years and was a FBI special agent and SWAT team guy there in Dallas, and then left that to join some friends who were running a small company, predominantly veterans in the small company. And we developed and marketed technology to folks in the Special Operations community predominantly. And so I did that in a couple more roles for a path the next eight years or so, as I was writing on the side. And then, about two years ago, I was fortunate enough to be able to transition to writing full time. So right now I write my series of books. It's called the matt Drake series. And then I also get to write the Tom Clancy books. So I've been doing that full time for about a year and a half now.

Joshua Klooz  4:18  
That is pretty cool. I think you're the I've had a few folks who have authored a book before on the podcast, but but I think you're the you're the first full time author, to be sure. So as you look back on your upbringing, and I've started asking this a little bit, are there are you named for anybody in your family? Is there any story there?

Don Bentley  4:43  
Yes, I'm actually named for my grandfather. And he was he grew up my dad's family grew up in Michigan. So my dad actually went to the University of Michigan which made college football not not so much fun when I was at Ohio State because We didn't do so well those years. But he hasn't said much the last 10 years or for most of the last 10 years, but he grew up. Right next. My father grew up right next to his grandfather in a small town in Michigan. And so my grandfather that I was named for his father grew up on a farm as well and then worked as a high school teacher and principal. And so in my, his, my father's mom, my grandmother was a teacher and my wife's a teacher and a couple of my dad's, my dad's sisters, were teachers as well. So that kind of education, I guess, runs run strong in our family, too.

Joshua Klooz  5:42  
Yeah. And as you think back, you know, even in my own family, sometimes the the family stories become myths, and then, you know, legends and then they get passed on. Are there any of those types of stories within your family that you can look back on? Remember that people would tell you that kind of pulled generations together at all?

Don Bentley  6:03  
Yeah, I mean, it was having my my son, my grandfather, my great grandfather, who owned the farm that my dad grew up next to was kind of legendary. He was first generation American. He was German, I think. He made it to about the fifth grade before he started farming full time. And so the, as you can imagine, grown up on a farm, there were plenty of stories. And when we went back there as kids, we got to live them a little bit. They lived in a rural part of Michigan. It's called Swartz Creek, and it's just outside of Flint, Michigan. And so even now, most of the roads, there are still dirt roads. And so when we were kids, and we'd go up there for Thanksgiving or Christmas, we'd always pray that it would be snowing when we'd go up there because what they would do is tie toboggans to the tractors and drag us down the road.

Joshua Klooz  6:57  
Which is what every and everybody lives.

Don Bentley  7:00  
Everybody laughs That's true. And if you got hurt, you just rub some dirt on it and called the debate kind of thing. And so there were plenty of stories about that. And my dad actually grew up with a horse who didn't particularly like him. And when he got this horse, he could not ever get it to come out of the stall. And so he would, he would try and back it out of the stall. He couldn't get it to listen to him. And it you know, after it through him once his grandfather, the German first generation took pity on him came over and said, sometimes you got to get the horses attention. And he grabbed the horse and smacked it with a two by four in the head. And then it just walked straight out of the stall every time after that. I don't know that that's the preferred way of teaching horsemanship but apparently it works back then.

Joshua Klooz  7:56  
If you look back on your life, you know, one of the themes of the podcast to is meaningful work. And do you do you remember your first time that either a you remember that somebody was dependent on you to accomplish a task or be Hey, I'm doing this work for for pay?

Don Bentley  8:15  
Yeah. So again, my dad and my dad growing up on a farm was was expected to help out and work and I think he said he started riding tractors or, or helping out by the first time when he was young as eight or nine years old. And so it was, you know, it was instilled in us from an early age that that all work is noble that there's purpose and work and that you can, one of the amazing things about this country is that you can make something of yourself by working hard. And if you look at my dad's family, like I said his grandfather never graduated from fifth grade. And my father was a graduate of a subpar school in Michigan nonetheless, but he was an engineer and you know, just in a generation, how much education and hard work could kind of change that. And so the first the first job where somebody other than my parents paid me when I was a kid, I was expected to help around the house and we got a small allowance for doing that was I had a job where I was mowing grass, and we put you know, an ad in the paper and I had a couple of different customers and I was probably 11 or 12. And I remember you know, my mom sitting down and helping me figure out how to draw schedule on notebook paper each day and which place I was supposed to, to mow which day and being a kid I remember one of the times I either forgot or didn't care or whatever and without playing with my friends when I was supposed to be mowing this older gentleman's grass and my back then where I live the way that your parents got your attention is they scream for you from the porch, and so they would yell your name and I remember hearing my mom yelling my name. And I was like, what I'm out, you know, it was summertime, I was playing with my friends and she said you had a commitment to mow this guy's lawn, and she drove me down. And I didn't, I still didn't get it much. Or think about it too much on the on the car ride down. But I remember, as we stopped there are as we got to the guy's house, seeing him doing the job I was supposed to, like he had halfway finished the front yard and, and it just hit me us like he was depending on me to do that. And we had an agreement, and I was a kid and you know, didn't realize it. But now he is doing the job that I'm supposed to do. And so I got out of the car and took his place and finished the lawn. And I just remember having, you know, kind of that that deep sense of shame that I had agreed to do something for this guy and hadn't lived up to it. And so that was probably, you know, my first taste of what it meant to have responsibility and stuff is work. I think, the first time I felt like, I was actually doing work as a man. In high school, I had a job, I worked at a fast food place and everything. But the summer before my freshman year of college, I had a family friend who owned a construction company, and he's, and he said, Okay, you know, I need extra guys, do you want to come work for me? And I'm like, yeah, it's gotta be better than flipping burgers. And so the the first day, he took me in his truck and showed me where all the different stores that he had accounts that and where to buy stuff and everything. And then, at the end of the first day, he flipped me the car keys and credit card and said, now it's you. And it just shocked me. And I was like, so you're not gonna go with me anymore and go get and he's like, No, that's your job. I just showed you how to do it. You're my guy. Now it's your job to go do that stuff. And so it was kind of a shock where the first time I wasn't in, you know, like I said, I think all work is, is noble. But up until that point, I just been a kid on a job. And now for the first time I was being treated, you know, as one of the men on the job as is not that the expectations were the same for me as any one of his other employees. And it was a really, it was a really profound experience.

Joshua Klooz  12:17  
Yeah, I mean, again, I don't expressly say it all the time. But, you know, the idea of work is woven into our DNA as Americans life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, right? Like, it's just part of it.

Don Bentley  12:29  
Absolutely, absolutely. One of

Joshua Klooz  12:32  
the other things that I always find fascinating too, is you remember it as a person stand out to you as the first person that you remember that truly enjoyed what they did.

Don Bentley  12:45  
Um, so my dad was a, he's an aeronautical engineer. And he he designed jet engines and, and worked first designing jet engines. And then as he progressed into management stuff, and then worked where he was in charge of an engine program, for better for lack of a better term, he was a he was a director, he didn't have overall p&l responsibility for it, but was had enough seniority there that they would often rotate in more junior and executives to kind of get their, their feet wet. And he stayed at that same program for I think, his last maybe 10 or 12 years that he worked there. And it was interesting for me for a couple of reasons. I think one being certainly the amount of pride that he did, he took in his work, and that that was his engine. And that, you know, he had the, I can't remember what the number was, but at one point, I remember him telling me that every 15 seconds or something like that, in an airplane with his engine was landing or taking off. And then the second part of it being the, the amount of responsibility that came with that, that every time there was, you know, a mishap or an aviation related incident or something like that, you know, you never, you never wanted it to be your engine, that was the problem. And then the, the links that they would go to the derisk engines because they understood the magnitude of it, that it's not, you know, if you if you if you sell diapers for a living and your diaper malfunctions, you're going to get some pretty angry customers, but nobody's going to die from it. And that's a completely different level of responsibility when what you're doing there. There are, you know, 1000s and 1000s of lives every day that are that are dependent on it, and he he really, really enjoyed it and it was it was cool to see it. Kind of you know, a lot of times we have the impression of work or of adult work of kind of that there's lives of quiet desperation of people that just trudge off and they sit in a cubicle for the rest of their lives and, and do what they do in order to do a paycheck in order to get a paycheck, right in order to do things that that are the things they enjoy that aren't what they do from nine to five every day. And my dad certainly wasn't that he loved his job. He loved the work that he did in it and seeing him and how he loved what he did. I think that two things I think number one, showed me that it's possible to do that, that you don't have to settle. And then I think it made me more, maybe a little bit braver in my career choices. If I found myself in a spot where I thought, You know what, this isn't as fulfilling as I thought it would be. I wasn't ever one for settling, because I believed that you could find fulfillment in what you did. But sometimes you had to take risks in order to do that.

Joshua Klooz  15:55  
Yeah, absolutely. How How were you early? Were you steered towards the military? Or did when did it finally click? Was that a family kind of heritage thing? Or was it something that you'd wanted to do and were intrigued by and then move progressively toward?

Don Bentley  16:14  
Yeah, a little bit of both. I like to say I'm the first one in my family who volunteer voluntarily entered the military. My grandfather was drafted in World War Two and my father was drafted in Vietnam. And so but I grew up as a kid of the 80s. And so I grew up during the Cold War, where we're Ronald, I certainly remember Jimmy Carter being president, but I was pretty young at the time. And I remember Ronald Reagan, rebuilding the military. And just that sense of pride that Americans had and folks who were serving on their behalf that it was that it was quite a bit different from what you saw during Vietnam, where there was or there could be a lot of shame with people who served. I remember my dad, when I was a kid, I found an award he'd been given in the army and him telling me that it was something that he put out on his desk at first, when he first got out of the military and went back to work, and then he put it away, because people were really see perceive that people look negatively on his military service. And that was that just seemed so sad to me. And it was and so I grew up that way I grew up, you know, on the movie, Red Dawn, and convinced that there were going to be communists that invaded us some time, and we were going to have to fight for it. And then as I as I got older, and, you know, was finishing high school and trying to figure out what I wanted to do, I knew very much that I wanted to do something that gave me a sense of purpose. And in the army definitely did that. And it also, my dad was a pilot. He had his his private pilot's license, and then, and then also his flight instructor license. And so I remember as a, as a kid flying around in little Cessnas and stuff with him. And so when I was trying to figure out what branch of the service I did, I certainly wanted to fly. But I also thought, man, if if you're in the Air Force, and you can't fly, I don't I don't know what you do you count bullets or something, I don't know. But it doesn't sound terribly fun to me, where I figure in the army, there are lots of fun things to do, if you can't fly. And so that's kind of what would steered me towards the army and the Army gave me an ROTC scholarship as well. And so it was, it was definitely something I wanted to do. And something I was very happy to do. But in the, in the 10 years I was in the army, we moved eight times, we lived in two different countries, in addition to the US, and it was a lot of fun. When before we had kids, and when our kids were little but about the time, I finished my deployment to Afghanistan, my youngest was about to start kindergarten. And I was super happy for the time and the opportunity I'd had to serve in the military, but also knew that I wanted to do something that offered my family a little bit more stability to so for me, it was it was 10 years that I very much enjoy, but also never looked back and wish I would have stayed longer than I did either.

Joshua Klooz  19:20  
Yeah, no, I I can understand that. wholeheartedly. As you look back, are there any struggles and or failures that you experienced that you look back on? And you're in, you see as formative in that period of time?

Don Bentley  19:39  
Yeah, I think the great thing about the military is that you're when you're when you're an officer, you know, you have all uh, four years of college and some four years of ROTC. And you you walk out of that and they say right here is your platoon. That if you're an infantry platoon leader, you got you know, 30 guys As in some equipment, if you're an aviator, you have maybe 15 Guys, but you also have four helicopters that are 35 million bucks apiece, and they say, Alright, you're in charge of that. And so the, fortunately, the army and one of the things that distinguishes the US military from many other ones is is our Noncommissioned Officer Corps. And so we have this profession of enlisted soldiers, sergeants and, and the like, who form the backbone of the Army are the backbone of the military. And so even though you're a young 22 year old kid that doesn't know too much, and, and has great aspirations, but very little experience to back those up, you're partnered with somebody who's your platoon sergeant who has 15 years worth of experience and can kind of serve as the guardrails for you and the mentor for you and stuff. And so I think what, what was great about the army is, in especially, I got to spend most of my time as a cavalry officers, what is they encouraged you to have a bias towards action. And so another thing that makes the the US military different from most others in the world is that in the absence of orders, you're you're expected to attack you're not expected to defend your position, you're expected to attack. And so what that means is that you're given the leeway to go out and try things and fail, because they would rather have you it's not a zero defect army, they would rather have you bias towards action, trying to make things happen. And failing, then, you know, cowering behind the walls and taking the safe way out. And so it was a great experience as a young officer, because there were certainly things that I did wrong, that you you look back on, what in the world was I think, and, and so, and most of the time, you have, like I said, a senior NCO or something like that, that steps in and, and keeps you from, from making too big a mistake, but it's the the best commanders see that and they reward you for, for having the initiative and displaying initiative, and, and more so than than they would detract on you from failing. And I think one of my most rewarding experiences is when is I deployed to Afghanistan as a troop commander, which meant I had, I think we had right around 140 or 150, folks. And so we knew, I knew when we formed up as a unit that we were going to deploy to Afghanistan. And we basically had nine months to get these folks ready to deploy and go do their wartime mission. And what was a little bit different about Afghanistan is the the troop I commanded is called the headquarters troop, the Headquarters and Headquarters troop hHD. And so what our mission was, among other things, was to have what are called the farts, the forward arming and refueling points, kind of like the mobile gas stations that helicopters come into Apaches come into, and you get refueled, re armed, and so you can go back to the fight. And so normally, that's done as one what's called a fork that jumps out as a refuel point somewhere. And you might have one other fork that is going at the same time. Well, Afghanistan, because it was so broad, and the mission was so big, we actually had, I think five or six different ones that were separated by hundreds of miles in some cases. And so I knew that if we this, the success or failure wasn't going to depend on me or my first sergeant, because there's no way we could command and control that it was going to it was going to rest on these very junior leaders, these sergeants that might have five or six years in the army when we deployed. And so what we what we did and, and tried to structure our training program around is how do we get these very junior leaders developed and confident enough that they can execute this mission with very little oversight, and frankly, very little help, because we're, you know, 150 miles away at some point, so that when we deploy in combat and do it for real, they they do the job that they were made to do. And so it was, we spent nine months at Fort Hood training for that, and then a little bit more in Germany, and then we deployed to Afghanistan, and for the most part, they executed flawlessly. And part of that is is definitely the training program that we helped put together. But a large part of that is I think, you know, what's, what's lost on folks that hadn't served the last 20 years is that I guess less than a quarter of 1% of the American population carry that load in Afghanistan and Iraq for 20 years, most of them deploying countless times and so there's no draft there's no reason for them to come in. There's no forcing mechanism like it was in World War Two. or Vietnam for my grandfather, father, but you just have these incredible folks who want to serve for one way or another. And man, you can do more with people who want to be there with one person who wants to be there than 10 people that you've forced to be there. And I saw that firsthand every day when we were deployed to Afghanistan.

Joshua Klooz  25:21  
Yeah, it's, it's an incredible thing to witness the initiative of somebody that's that young, in the absence of guidance most of the time. But, you know, there'll be some times where you might giggle a little bit at some of the solutions that have come up with but other than that, it's it's typically pretty spot on. It's funny that you bring up the the bias towards action and initiative piece, because for me, that didn't click until I did some training with other foreign officers. Whoa, whoa, this is different. So if you don't mind, I'd also like to talk about your, your leaving the military. Yeah. For a lot of folks. That's really hard. I know for me. Yeah, I get it. I'm not what I do. But leaving the purpose behind was really hard. Any, any thoughts? Or any any stories as to, you know, that transition period for yourself? Yeah,

Don Bentley  26:27  
it was, it was much, much harder than what I thought it would be in, I remember. And I had a great like I said, we were moving back to Ohio, where we were from both of our parents still live there. And my wife, sister lived there. And I remember as we were getting, and I got to go back to work for a great company. I remember as I was getting ready to transition out of the military. I remember my mom saying she was like, Well, what if you don't like it? What if you don't like your job, and and I was like, seriously, mom, like I just spent the last year in Afghanistan, you know, I could, I could do anything from nine to five, and still be I'll have my family, I'll get to go home to him every but it'll be great. And that just wasn't true. And I think and I tell veterans that all the time. And like you don't realize when you're in the military, how much of your sense of purpose and your sense of self, you derive from what you do. And you you, you wouldn't be able to articulate it this way. And you probably wouldn't tell someone that but you, you understand that you're a part of something bigger than yourself, and you feel like what you do is noble and that it's worthwhile, and that it makes a difference. And not every job is like that. And so when when you get out of the military, and you leave that behind, I remember I was in I came home after the first week or two until my wife has like, I didn't get all the jokes in that movie to office space until now. And now I'm living. Like, I'm in this cubicle farm that's so big, that I'm sitting in this row and eight rows to my right, like I graduated high school with that guy's daughter. So you know, does that mean in 20 years, I could move from my row to his row. And that's my, that's my career path and what I have to look forward to. And so there was certainly some of that about trying to figure out how to feel find purpose and stuff. I think also, like, a lot of folks who'd served in combat, I was carrying some baggage with me that I didn't realize, because at the time, when you're in the military, the OP tempo is so high, and everybody has has a story, everybody's had probably a mission that's gone wrong. And it's not until you finally get to think about that and process it and realize that that part of your life is over that you start dealing with that. And for most of us that transitions out it's kind of a perfect storm, because you're finally have you finally have the time to process some of what you went through in the military at the exact moment when nobody around you understands that at all. And so, you know, while you were in the military, you had that community of people who understood who could relate to it. And so it's this really pernicious place that you can find yourself in where you suddenly lack the camaraderie that you took for granted the entire time. You're trying to find a sense of purpose that you've lost. And you're probably also attempting to process some things that if you still had that community around you, you could have some or find somebody to walk through them with you. And you don't have any of that. And so for me, what it was very much of is I couldn't figure out why I was the only one that wasn't happy. Like I can't like my wife and kids love this. This should be I should be the guy enjoying going to work every day and I'm miserable and I can't for the life of me figure out why And it was a really, really hard transition. Yeah.

Joshua Klooz  30:04  
And you touched on a little bit, I remember feeling so ungrateful. And that was probably the hardest part. For me personally, just like, ah, like,

Don Bentley  30:15  
Why?

Joshua Klooz  30:16  
Why can't I just be like everybody else? Well, I can't. What Why is this not enough? And you're just like this. People made sacrifices for me to do this, and I shouldn't be in it. It's just It goes against every, it turns the ethos that makes you pretty valuable on its head. So. So are you still writing at this time? Like it are? How is that playing out? Um, it's kind of this this unwrap?

Don Bentley  30:46  
Yeah, so I, even as a kid, even a member of being an elementary school and stuff, I wanted to be a writer, I wanted to tell stories, I guess I don't know that I said, I would have said, I wanted to be a writer. But I remember, you know, being in elementary school or something and sitting down and thinking, man, if this episode of the 18th ended differently, it would have been much clearer. And Cheyenne to write that out. Or, in when I was in high school, my senior year of high school, I was taking an AP English class and I had a teacher that was just exceptional. And I remember one of the first assignments was to write a scene or something like that. And afterwards, she pulled me aside and she's she said, you could really do this, you actually have what it takes to be a writer. And so I took that to heart and went to college, and majored in electrical engineering as all good writers do. And so I was still very much, you know, writing on the side and trying to figure out, I probably started my first book when I was in high school. And while I was in college, I would, you know, get the urge and write some stuff. And so it wasn't really until 2001 that I got serious about writing. And so there were some fundamentals that I didn't understand, you know, people ask all the time, do I need a degree in writing to be a writer? And you absolutely don't. But you absolutely do need to understand some fundamental things, you know, what is the structure of a novel? What are the how do you write dialogue? What are the grammatical rules and stuff? And so, for me, there was a a great magazine called Writer's Digest, and they had some online classes that were that like, what, what's the, what are the components of a short story? What are the fundamentals of a novel and so I took a series of classes, and then wrote my first novel. While I was in the military, I think I started it when I was at Fort Hood, and then wrote it in Germany, and it got an agent and it didn't sell. And so then, when I was in Afghanistan, I had another idea and was kind of scribbling on the side and finished my second novel, and that got an agent and that didn't sell and so then actually use the GI Bill and went and I thought maybe I do need a writing degree. And so I used the GI Bill and went back and got a Masters of Fine Arts and writing popular fiction. And it was, it was a great program, it was a low residency program. And so you would come to school, like twice a year, and then the rest of it was online. And your thesis was your novel. So I wrote a third novel, and I thought, this is the one this is going to be the one that that sells, and that didn't sell either. And it didn't even get an agent. So I spent, you know, 17 years and wrote three books that didn't sell before I wrote my fourth book that did and so it was part of it, like I said, was getting better at the craft. Part of it is, there's a great, you know, I tell people all the time when they say, Hey, I have a limited amount of money, should I get, you know, degree in writing or shit. And I'm like, Look, there's some classes that you should take. But for my perspective, your money is better spent going to a great writers conference, because you'll get classes there on craft, but there'll be taught by writers who are actually making a living doing what you're doing. And the one I get to all the time is in New York, and it's called thriller fest. And it was founded by Lee Child and Steve Berry, and all these and David Morel, the author, Rambo, all these big luminaries and because it's in New York City, great writers come their agents come their editors come there. And so you can you can take these outstanding classes and then for you know, the price of a beer after the class is over, you get a Master's class on writing from a New York Times bestselling writer. And so that really helped me quite a bit to I met one of my closest writing friends still a guy named Nick Petrie, who writes the series. The first book is called The Drifter and it's fantastic and I got introduced to him and it was supposed to be kind of a five minute conversation and then an hour and a half later, I like had my head in his lab, I'm like, I'm never gonna make it. And he's like, you're like me two years ago. He's like, I wrote three books that didn't sell my fourth book. So go home and write a better book and then come back in. And I did, and it did, and it sold and it and it changed everything for me. And so it's kind of that combination. Writing is a weird thing where it's equal parts, I think, perseverance, but also getting better at your craft, because you, you have to, you have to persevere and continue to write books. Otherwise, if you don't, you're never going to sell the book. You don't, right. But if you don't get better and figure out what you're doing that's making you write you're writing unsaleable, you're also kind of go into the the definition of insanity, right? Where you're trying the same thing over and over again, and still hoping for a better result. And so the people honestly, this kind of the same conversation we had with veterans, just like a person, the person who is best equipped to help you transition from the military, is somebody who's done that the person who is best equipped to help you become a writer is a writer who has walked that path already.

Joshua Klooz  36:07  
So I'm curious with the creative portion of writing, how do you relax? Like, do you just keep a notepad along with you, almost wherever you go, and you jot down a creative idea or like, how do you finally just check out where you're not thinking about, you know, or something jogs your memory towards what you're writing about?

Don Bentley  36:28  
Yeah, so one of the one of the best books on writing is, Stephen King wrote a book called, ironically enough on writing. And so he talks, it's a great book, because the first half of it is autobiographical. And so it tells his story and how he became a writer. But the second half is very nuts and bolts about this is how you work as a writer, and kind of his thesis for it is that writing is a very blue collar job in the sense that you sit down and you put your button at sea, and you work every day at it, and you write words, and after a while, you get better at writing words. And those words form a book. And he's kind of dismissive of folks who, who talk about waiting until they get inspired or hope that the good idea fairy comes down and blesses them with a book. But I'll say that the part that he will admit to you is a little magical, and I've seen it in my own writing is that if you are faithful to write every day, or very close to every day, then your subconscious will do magical things. And you'll be walking the dog or at the gym, or doing whatever. And there'll be that piece of the story that you can't figure out. And that will be the gift of God that comes from you. And it's like this. And but that only happens if that story is living in your mind. And the only way it lives in your mind is that you do the work every single day.

Joshua Klooz  37:54  
That is, that's pretty cool. So another one of the themes that that we talked through, as part of the podcast is what we what and we refer to some of this, but it's called the happiness portfolio from Arthur Brooks. He talks about how you know, a certain percentage of our happiness studies have shown is based off just our genetic predisposition towards it, some happens to be according to you know, big life events. But in line with what you were referencing with Stephen King, some of some of it comes in some of our success, like likely in that case comes according to our habits, right? 12% of studies have shown and he calls it the happiness portfolio, Arthur Brooks does, he says, you know, our faith, our family, or friendship, community and meaningful work play a huge role. As part of that, that daily habit. And I'm curious for you, as you look back over the course of your life, does that ring true for you those four quadrants, and how do you keep those four things in, in sync? In their in their proper position?

Don Bentley  39:00  
Yeah, absolutely. And I think the, I think we can certainly put too much emphasis on work, but I think it is, it is hard to, to be happy in life if you don't feel fulfilled and work. And so that doesn't mean I've certainly gone in the military. You don't have much, say on the in the hours that you work or don't and those are kind of dictated to you. And when I was an FBI agent, it was you know, I was a new guy. And so I would volunteer for everything. And it's also very easy to kind of wrap yourself in the flag and being like, hey, what I'm doing here is way important and it's more important than anything else. And consequently your your family can suffer at the time. And so I think what you have to do is at least for me is to have work that is fulfilling and the work that's fulfilling for me both from the FBI and then the jobs I had after that we're we're I was making products for the people who could be characters in my books. And so it was the folks primarily, for me the Special Operations for the intelligence community. And so you knew, like number one, your standing kind of like my dad with his jet engine, and he knew people were going to be on a plane that that jet engine was powering, I knew that I was looking at a guy that I was going to give him a piece of kit, and he was going to take it into combat. And if it didn't work, it was going to be his life that was going to be on the line. And conversely, like he was trusting me that would that what I gave him was going to work and that he was going to be able to take me at my word, and that it would save its life if it did the job correctly. And so that's a tremendous responsibility to have, but then it's tremendously rewarding to when they come back later. So for instance, my last job before I wrote full time, because I worked for a company called amateur green, and that we were a startup company, a US subsidiary of an Israeli company. And we made uniforms and hide sites and stuff that matched your thermal and visual signature. And so I was given stuff to guys and telling them, Hey, if you were this, you're going to be pretty close to invisible. And so, you know, you're looking them in the eye and making this contract with them to say, if you if you do this, I can help save your life, right. And so there's a tremendous amount of focus that our my entire team would have, as we're designing and building these things. Because we know the people who were wearing them and taking them into combat, most of my co workers were all from the Special Operations community, a lot of us knew our customers or knew, you know, they were friends of friends and stuff. And so the amount of trust in that was pivotal. But at the same time, the rewards like when they would come back and say we used our your stuff. And this is what we were able to do because of it just like you're not serving anymore, but it still gives you that tremendous sense of purpose that what you're doing still matters again, I have, I have a great friend of mine who works for a company that that makes diapers. And when I was a kid, or when I was a kid, when I had kids or little kids, I wanted diapers that weren't gonna leak. But I knew like doing my own personal inventory like that making diapers was never going to be fulfilling for me, like I had to, I had to do something that had some, some contact or some some way linkage back to the world that I had been a part of before. And those my customers are the people who are characters in my books now. And that's the other thing I feel like I get to do is tell the stories of these people who very, very few times to the average American ever get a window into what their lives are like. And so that's what it is, from a work perspective, I think from a family and a faith perspective, like, Absolutely, we're my wife and I are heavily involved in our church. It's a small church plant. And we're the old people, right, like, the majority of them are all you know, in their 30s and below. And that's been a pretty incredible experience now to write because we have people who come to us and say, Hey, we're newly married, and we're trying to figure this part of finances out how did you guys do this? Or we're about to have kids? What does that look like in my kids? Now I have two in college, and one that's a sophomore in high school. And so we're on the other side of that, and it's tremendously rewarding not to, certainly not to come to a point, from a perspective of, hey, we got it all figured out, let us help you. It's more often, at least from my perspective, like, here's some dumb things that I did when I was a young parent, or a young, newly married husband or a young person that worked on that. Let me tell you some stupid things I do. So you don't do those stupid things. And I think, you know, that's been tremendously rewarding, and I get much more fulfillment out of that aspect of my life, certainly than then probably I did when I was younger. And so I think that quotient while all of those things I agree with, I think that sometimes that shifts in the you know, there might be a season in your life where you're working from a startup company, and it's and you're, you know, right on the edge and you have this amazing solution for a customer and you know, that you're going to have to be you know, there are a lot of people who aren't gonna get paid if you don't do your job well, and it's really easy. You know, in first season, maybe you have to have that be play a bigger priority or a bigger portfolio, your time than your family. But I think I think the way to do it well is that you're constantly reassessing that mix and that you're looking at as seasons and there's a season here right now. I work from home. I do a lot of this in my wife's a teacher and so she's gone and I'm not and so there are a lot of things where or when I was in the military, and she stayed home with the kids that she did. And now I do. And it's, and I think that's more of the success part of life is that rebalancing your portfolios and stuff, but still around those, those four things that you articulated earlier, I think.

Joshua Klooz  45:18  
Yeah, they're not I'm curious, I always end with kind of, some people will call it an ethical will. But it's basically what are those principles? They don't have to be stack ranked. It doesn't even have to be, you know, overarching or all inclusive, but what are some of the principles that you hope you pass on to your family, and, you know, those who care about the next generation? If, if you had to boil some of them down?

Don Bentley  45:48  
Yeah, I think what I tell the kids and hopefully, they see or have seen through our lives is first, like the priority of things that that you rank among your life. And so for me, it's my relationship with Christ, my relationship with my wife, my relationship with my family. And finally, whatever it is that I do for a living, and that and that if you keep the that priority, and you constantly go back and assess those things in that priority, it helps you find balance for the rest of your life, and, frankly, helps making some of those decisions, those career decisions, those life decisions a little easier, when you have that kind of non negotiable priority of here's how we're going to order our lives, these are the guiding principles that we're going to order our lives around. I think another part I talked to my kids about is just the ability to work hard, and that you can achieve in this country as much as you're willing to work for. And so, you know, a practical way that played out for me is that I'm on a little bit of a crazy writing schedule right now. And that I write a book every five months in the most people write a book a year, some people write, you know, a book and a half a year, and I'm doing like, two and a quarter. And it's a crazy pace right now. But I also got offered this incredible opportunity. And by showing up every day, and proving that I was reliable, and I can turn in a book, every five months, I just got offered an opportunity to do another project, which you know, I never would have dreamed up. And it's not because I'm the best writer, it's because I work really hard. And they know that I will meet the deadline that I agree to, and I'll give them a good product. And I'll show up and do it again. And again. And again. And I think I think the that, that you that often isn't the most brilliant person or the gifted, most gifted person. While that certainly helps. It's a person that shows up every day and works harder than anybody else does, and does the stuff that other people don't want to do. That ends up succeeding and it doesn't, it doesn't cost anything to be early, it doesn't cost anything to work harder. Like those are just things that there's are things that you can control. And you can decide the attitude, you kind of have with that and that you have with work. I think the other thing we talked about a lot is that you can't have everything. And so there there are times in your life where you're gonna want to prioritize quality of life over finances, and that's a fine choice. And we've done that before we've done it said, Hey, for this season, because of where the kids are, I'm going to take a job that offers a better quality of life. And we're going to trade knowingly trade, finances to be able to do that. And, and, and you have to make those those choices. But you can't be upset once you make them. So if I if I decide to take for a season or whatever a role that offers it's not as financially lucrative but offers a better quality of life, then I can't be mad later that I'm not. I'm not making as much money as my friend is right. And I think that's true across the thing like that's there are you can rebalance your life at different seasons, there are things that are important to you, but you're constantly going to have to choose because you can't do everything. You can't do everything. Well, at the same time. And I think that it's way too often we tell folks, you can do it all you can have it all and you can have a lot of things and you can do a lot of things but you can't you're always going to have to make choices between those things. And if you don't make the choice, those things will choose it for you. And so I think I think that's it true. I think the thing I talk to him about the most is other than my decision to follow Christ. The second most influential decision in my life was the woman I married in in that you To Your, your prospects for future happiness is going a large part is going to be determined by the person that you marry. And that in that it is, you know, we met when we were 16 and 17. And so we certainly didn't have, you know, a great a dream great, like, whatever amazing plan to get married and we were matched together and what have you in in we have an incredible marriage, we've been married for 25 years, we have three kids and everything but and, you know, I thank God every day for the woman that I married. And I think that's the thing I talk to him about the most is man, the you, when you're a younger kid, you don't realize until you're an adult, how rare it is, unfortunately, to have marriages that are happy that how many of your friends, parents marriages aren't happy and how that affects every other aspect of your life. And so that's one of the things we talk about a lot, too.

Joshua Klooz  50:59  
Thank you, Don, so much for that encouragement. And thank you for sharing your story. If listeners, I'll include this in the show notes, but if listeners want to learn more about how to read your writing, where should they go?

Don Bentley  51:12  
Yes. So the easiest place to find me is my website is done Bentley books.com. And it's just do n bn t le y books.com. And you can see everything I'm working on there. You can contact me through the website, you can sign up for my newsletter, I always love hearing from readers and such. And then if you are a social media person, I'm on Twitter and Facebook and my handle is at Bentley donburi. So just at btn TLA. Why do NB

Joshua Klooz  51:41  
thank you so much, Don, you have a great rest of your day and your week and wish you and your family nothing but the best.

Don Bentley  51:49  
Thanks, Josh. Thanks again for having me.

Joshua Klooz  51:52  
Thank you again for joining us for this week's conversation. We trust that your time has left you both enriched and inspired to better invest your own intangible balance sheet. As always, we wish you and your family continued truth, beauty and goodness on the road ahead. The opinions voiced in the wisdom and while podcast for Josh crews are for general information purposes only and are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual. Past performance is no guarantee of future results. investing involves risk including possible loss of principal. No strategy assures success or protects against loss. Guests are not affiliated with Carson Wealth Management LLC. To determine what may be appropriate for you. Please consult with your attorney, accountant, financial or tax advisor prior to investing. Investment Advisory services are offered through CWM LLC, an SEC registered investment advisor Alright, dress locally a 7080 US landing Boulevard, suite 570 Woodlands, Texas 77380

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