A League of Her Own | Washington, DC

A League of Her Own, or ALOHO for short, was founded in 2018. And yes, it's named after the  1992 film, A League of Their Own! These are the stories of the humans that run ALOHO and the humans that call ALOHO a home. Plus, the story of As You Are Bar, a new queer space opening soon in D.C. 

Laurel has been coming to ALOHO since it opened: so frequently, the staff jokes they should put a plaque on her stool. If General Manager Ally Spaulding isn’t behind the bar with a full face of colorful and sparkly makeup, then she’s hosting her weekly trivia night in drag. Garnet bartends at ALOHO, where her passion is making patrons feel comfortable, seen, and represented with her personhood behind the bar. Andrea Prudencia also bartends at ALOHO, and she says the community there has uplifted and embraced her as she began hormone therapy after coming out as transgender. Jo and Rach met working at ALOHO and are in the process of opening a new queer space in Washington, DC: As You Are Bar.

Episode 03 Terms You Might Not Know:

AFAB: Assigned Female at Birth
AMAB: Assigned Male at Birth

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Transcript

SARAH: AT A LEAGUE OF HER OWN, DC’S ONLY LESBIAN BAR, THE BEST WAY TO MAKE FRIENDS IS TO SET UP CAMP AT THE STOOL CLOSEST TO THE BARTENDER. THIS IS ACCORDING TO LAUREL POWELL, A REGULAR THERE.

LAUREL: Everybody that went to the well to order drinks, like I would have an opportunity to strike up a conversation with them if I wanted to. Or whoever was working behind the bar would have a chance to introduce me to whoever.

SARAH: LAUREL DID THIS AFTER WORK, THREE TIMES A WEEK, FOR ABOUT TWO YEARS.

ALLY: Literally we used to joke that maybe we should put a plaque on one of the stools right in front of the television because she would come in on Tuesdays and Wednesdays and we would watch Jeopardy together.

SARAH: THIS IS ALLY SPAULDING, THE GENERAL MANAGER AT A LEAGUE OF HER OWN--ALOHO FOR SHORT--AND NOW A GOOD FRIEND OF LAUREL’S.

LAUREL: She talks about this chair like it's got some kind of a plaque on it. It doesn't. It's just a regular barstool. But what I would do is I would, after a while I started sitting in the same spot.

SARAH: BEFORE ALOHO, LAUREL HAD NEVER HAD MUCH OF A SOCIAL LIFE. 

LAUREL: I was always pretty sedate. And I never really partied in my 20s ever. It was not really part of my experience. That was so outside the realm of what I could even imagine myself doing. 

SARAH: LAUREL MOVED TO DC A FEW MONTHS BEFORE ALOHO FIRST OPENED IN 2018 TO TAKE A JOB WITH THE NATIONAL CENTER FOR TRANSGENDER EQUALITY. BUT THAT DIDN’T MAKE IT ANY EASIER TO FIND QUEER FRIENDS. 

LAUREL: I didn't have any relationships that went more than like a thimble deep. It was all very surface level stuff. A really big part of DC and DC kind of professional life is just the constant networking. Anytime I would run into someone else who also worked in the LGBTQ movement, there’s always that networking angle that kicks in and you almost can’t help it.

SARAH: THERE HADN’T BEEN A LESBIAN BAR IN TOWN SINCE A BAR CALLED PHASE 1 CLOSED IN 2016. SO LAUREL WAS EXCITED TO HEAR ABOUT THIS NEW BAR CALLED A LEAGUE OF HER OWN.

LAUREL: It felt like a queer "Cheers." you would walk in and you would know somebody there. You would know the person behind the bar.

[sound of Cheers TV show]

LAUREL: I felt like Norm in my own, like, amazing, queer women's space, it was fantastic. At a certain extent, I felt like one of the popular kids in school, which as a little queer kid growing up in Arkansas, like never happened in a million years.

SARAH: IN FEBRUARY 2020, LAUREL MOVED TO COLUMBUS, OHIO TO WORK FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD THERE. THEN, BEFORE SHE EVEN HAD THE CHANCE TO GET SETTLED, THE PANDEMIC HIT.

LAUREL: I was very much in a bubble of one and then a bubble of one and a stray cat that wandered into my house.

SARAH: LAUREL SAYS SHE DIDN’T LIKE THE PERSON SHE BECAME IN QUARANTINE. BASICALLY, SHE FELT LIKE AN INTROVERT AGAIN.

LAUREL: It got really dark. especially during the winter when it was really, really bad. Where I would like wake up and I would work. And then I would go to bed. And here was like nothing in between. And it really just brought into crystal clarity that like I don't even know--I don't, I don't want new friends. I want those friends. I want the people that I know and love, a lot of whom I met at ALOHO. 

SARAH: SO LAUREL BEGAN SEARCHING FOR JOBS BACK IN DC--TO RETURN TO HER OLD LIFE AND HER OLD SELF. SHE GOT A JOB WITH THE HUMAN RIGHTS CAMPAIGN AND MOVED THIS PAST AUGUST. WHEN WE TALKED TO HER BACK IN JULY, SHE COULDN'T WAIT FOR THE MOVE.

LAUREL: I have the date, August 4th, circled on my calendar. Like I'm literally selling my house that I bought in Columbus because I thought that I could ever leave this amazing, chosen family. And I'm going back and I couldn't be happier. 

SARAH: This is Cruising. A podcast about the last lesbian bars in the U.S. My name is Sarah Gabrielli and I’m traveling to each one of them with my two friends and chosen family.

This is stop #3: ALOHO

[sound of the dance floor at ALOHO]

SARAH: ALOHO IS LOCATED IN ADAMS MORGAN: A DC NEIGHBORHOOD KNOWN FOR ITS QUEERNESS AND LIVELY NIGHTLIFE. A LOT OF THE BARS ON THE MAIN STRIP ARE STACKED ON TOP OF EACH OTHER: ONE ON EACH FLOOR OF A BUILDING. AND THAT’S THE CASE AT ALOHO.

Sarah: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait

Rachel: What?

Sarah: This is taking us back.

Rachel: We can’t go down the stairs here.

Sarah: No no

We have to go to the dance floor and they have to go around. 

SARAH: HALFWAY THROUGH OUR NIGHT THERE, RACHEL JEN AND I GOT LOST SOMEWHERE ON A MIDDLE LEVEL. WE’RE TRYING TO FIND OUR WAY BACK DOWN TO ALOHO ON THE BOTTOM FLOOR.

SARAH: So this is this is the gamer room, that was the gay man room, and then the other one was like the eating room? The eatery? 

SARAH: I’M TRYING TO EXPLAIN THE LAYOUT OF THE BUILDING. ALOHO IS ON THE BASEMENT LEVEL, AND ITS DANCE FLOOR IS ABOVE IT. ALOHO IS THE SISTER BAR TO PITCHERS, A MORE GAY-MALE-CENTRIC SPACE, WHICH TAKES UP THE REST OF THE BUILDING. PITCHERS INCLUDES A PUB SPACE THAT SERVES FOOD CALLED HOME BASE. ABOVE THAT IS A VIDEO GAME ROOM CALLED FIRST BASE, AND THEN THE ROOFTOP TERRACE CALLED DUG OUT. ALL OF THE BARS KIND OF FLOW INTO EACH OTHER. YOUR ID GETS CHECKED ONCE AT WHICHEVER ENTRANCE YOU USE, AND THEN YOU’RE FREE TO BOUNCE FROM ROOM TO ROOM. 

ALLY: Kind of like Hogwarts. There's like a million stairwells. 

SARAH: Do the stairs move?

ALLY: God no, God…

SARAH: THAT WAS ALLY AGAIN, ALOHO’S GENERAL MANAGER. WE EVENTUALLY FOUND THE RIGHT STAIRCASE AND MADE OUR BACK DOWN TO ALOHO. 

ALLY: It's kind of pub-like. We have a lot of tables, we have a lot of like standing room, we have video games. I'm currently playing SpongeBob, ESPN, and the remake of Ghostbusters with Kate McKinnon. So like we like to make sure that there's a really good spread for everyone…

SARAH: I IMMEDIATELY GRAVITATED TOWARDS THE WALL OF HEROES, NEXT TO THE BAR. THAT’S WHERE THE ALOHO STAFF HANGS PICTURES OF QUEER ICONS: JODIE FOSTER, WANDA SYKES, LAVERNE COX, A FEW IMPORTANT FIGURES FOR THE LGBT MOVEMENT, LIKE RBG, AND OF COURSE, ROSIE O'DONNELL'S UP THERE.

ROSIE O’DONNELL [as Doris Murphy]: Not counting them 2 months I was in the hospital, though. Bat hit me right in the head. Bam.

SARAH: IN HER BASEBALL UNIFORM, IN THE MOVIE “A LEAGUE OF THEIR OWN,” THE BAR’S NAMESAKE. 

ROSIE O’DONNELL [as Doris Murphy]: Hey! How did you do that? ‘Scuse me. Hey. Hey. You caught that? Hello? 

SARAH: THE WALL MAKES FOR SOME FUN CONVERSATIONS.

ALLY: if I had to pick one person on the wall to marry Okay, so it's a toss up. Because...alright, I will choose one. It's Lena Waithe. What about you? Who’s your marriage pick? 

SARAH: Um, I have to go with Janelle Monáe. 

ALLY: That’s an incredible choice.

SARAH: She's so beautiful and talented that it is almost upsetting to me like if her songs come on, sometimes I have to change it. Like I can't fall down that rabbit hole. 

SARAH: I GUESS THIS IS WHAT MAKES A GOOD BARTENDER A GOOD BARTENDER, BUT ALLY IS VERY CHARMING. WE WERE ABLE TO SIT AT THE BAR AND WATCH HER IN ACTION EARLIER IN THE DAY. 

ALLY: Hi friends, how are y’all?

WHEN SOMEONE WASN’T SURE WHAT TO ORDER, ALLY WOULD OFFER TO PLAY A GAME SHE CALLED TRIAGE TO NARROW DOWN THEIR OPTIONS. 

ALLY: So the first question is: wine, liquor, beer?

SARAH: BEFORE LONG, EVERYONE WAS CROWDED AROUND THE BAR, ENGAGING IN THE SAME CONVERSATION ABOUT THE SAME GAME. GRANTED ALOHO HAD JUST OPENED AND THERE WERE ONLY ABOUT 10 OF US. BUT I HAD NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THAT BEFORE: COMMUNITY FORMING RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME.

ALLY: I love when people choose dark sour...

SARAH: EVERY OTHER THURSDAY, ALLY HOSTS ALOHO’S TRIVIA NIGHT IN DRAG.

ALLY: Typically, if you're AFAB, and you say that you do drag people automatically assume that you are a king. And I'm like, No, actually, I'm a kueen. And sometimes that really throws people.

SARAH: OPHELIA DIAMONDS IS HER DRAG NAME.

ALLY: It is very fat-bubblegum-princess, with like, slight sass. Definitely Southern. Glitter, glitter, glitter, glitter, glitter. 

SARAH: ALLY STARTED DOING DRAG ABOUT 6 YEARS AGO IN ROANOKE VIRGINIA, WHERE SHE USED TO LIVE. THERE, SHE SAYS ABOUT HALF OF THE DRAG PERFORMERS--BOTH QUEENS AND KINGS--WERE AFAB--ASSIGNED FEMALE AT BIRTH.

GROWING UP, ALLY WAS A DANCER AND A CHEERLEADER, SO SHE BROUGHT THAT INTO HER DRAG CHARACTER. 

ALLY: I did all the things that good straight girls do. And I still loved it. So I was like, this is the way for me to do it but really be queer and really be myself. And so I found an acceptance and a family that I didn't previously have and it was really liberating to have people celebrate me being the most tacky, gaudy, feminine version of myself. 

SARAH: IN 2018, ALLY PICKED UP AND MOVED TO DC TO WORK AS A BARTENDER AT ALOHO. HERE, AND IN MOST PLACES OUTSIDE OF ROANOKE, IT’S A LOT LESS COMMON TO SEE AFAB DRAG QUEENS.

ALLY: At first, it was a little different. I was not used to not being booked. 

SARAH: BUT THE SHOW DIRECTOR AT ALOHO GAVE HER A SHOT. IN ADDITION TO BARTENDING, THEY HIRED HER TO PERFORM EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE IN DRAG. AND NOW SHE PERFORMS A FEW TIMES A MONTH AROUND THE CITY. 

ALLY: Drag did take a little bit of a backseat. But I also you know, got to wear glitter here when I bartended. So it was kind of a nice little trade off where I didn't have to slick down my eyebrows and wear like a 10 pound wig. But I could still wear all the makeup that I wanted and the like jewelry and the clothing and like, still feel like hyper, hyper femme and accepted.

SARAH: AT ALOHO, ALLY FEELS CELEBRATED FOR HER FEMININITY. SHE SAYS SHE TRIES TO MAKE EVERYONE FEEL CELEBRATED FOR WHO THEY ARE AND WHAT THEY ACCOMPLISH. 

ALLY: For me, it feels like coming into your, like, wildly supportive grandma's kitchen, and she's like, I made you six different cakes, but also, we have shots with edible glitter in them because you did something really big for yourself today and we’re celebrating. And this happens every day. 

PRUDENCE: Ally has this very amazing way to understand who you are. 

SARAH: THIS IS ANDREA PRUDENCIA, OR PRUDENCE, A BARTENDER FOR ALOHO AND PITCHERS. 

PRUDENCE: She just know very well what you need and how to make you feel special. And she treats that way everybody.

PRUDENCE GREW UP IN COLUMBIA. HER FATHER IS SAUDI ARABIAN AND HER MOTHER IS COLUMBIAN. 

PRUDENCE: My mom didn’t work, my father was wealthy, but he was very machista. So it was a really abusive physically, mentally life. So I was--I grew up with a lot of hate that was destroying me inside. 

SARAH: SHE DIDN’T COME OUT AS TRANS UNTIL MUCH LATER IN LIFE. AFTER SHE HAD MOVED TO THE STATES, AND LIVED MANY YEARS AS A GAY MAN.

PRUDENCE: I was definitely, I was born really feminine. I was a girl. 

SARAH: PRUDENCE REFERRED TO HER FATHER AS MACHISTA, OR SEXIST. HE FORCED HER TO REPRESS HER FEMININITY. 

PRUDENCE: My father really did a great job blocking this in my life. I hated to be feminine. I hated femininity. Even when I was gay. I didn't like when I used to see myself feminine. I thought I needed to change. So I started becoming really masculine. And I started trying to be a different person.

SARAH: AT 17, PRUDENCE’S FATHER KICKED HER OUT. SHE SPENT SOME TIME MODELING IN PANAMA AND COSTA RICA, AND THEN CAME TO AMERICA IN 2011.

PRUDENCE: My grandfather is American. I moved here with a visa to try to help my mom to move here. Because, you know, it was crazy in my house and she wanted to divorce my father. So I moved here, start helping her with the papers through my grandfather. 

SARAH: FOR A WHILE, SHE LIVED IN NEW YORK CITY WITH A BOYFRIEND. 

PRUDENCE: I live to the full my gay life. And I'd really enjoy it. But it was something missing. There was something always missing. I was always buying clothes of women and just hiding them. 

SARAH: THROUGH ALL OF THIS, PRUDENCE WAS STILL PRESENTING AS A GAY MAN

PRUDENCE: I would have beautiful boyfriends, would have have beautiful life, but I would cheat on them. I would never be fully happy. The gay were, I leave it on the full list, but I was not fully happy.

SARAH: AS A COPING MECHANISM, PRUDENCE STARTED ABUSING DRUGS. WHEN HER MOM FINALLY MOVED TO THE STATES IN 2015, SHE KNEW SOMETHING NEEDED TO CHANGE

PRUDENCE: And I was like, you know, I need to find myself. 

SARAH: SO PRUDENCE MOVED TO D.C. TO BE WITH HER MOM. AND STARTED SEEING A THERAPIST. ABOUT TWO YEARS AGO, SHE FINALLY CAME OUT TO HER MOM.

PRUDENCE: I say I, I want to be a woman. And my mom told me I want, I'd rather to see you becoming a woman, that is what you really want, than killing yourself on drugs and having a bad life. I support you, it's gonna be really hard but I support you. 

SARAH: AROUND THAT SAME TIME, PRUDENCE BEGAN TRANSITIONING. 

PRUDENCE: I remember the first time I took my first estrogen, it was crazy. You know, because it takes a lot, a lot of time to change. But I swear to God, I woke up, I looked at myself in the mirror. And I saw my like, you know, like a little bit more, like, you know, more foxy. And I was like, I feel--I feel good. 

SARAH: FOR HER HORMONE TREATMENT, PRUDENCE HAS TO TRAVEL TO CALLEN-LORDE IN NEW YORK CITY.  A COMMUNITY HEALTH CENTER THAT PROVIDES CARE TO THE LGBTQ COMMUNITY, REGARDLESS OF THEIR ABILITY TO PAY. AND HER MOM?

PRUDENCE: My mom was my big support. She's been with me since the beginning. She would go with me to New York to get my hormones because I didn’t have insurance.

SARAH: WHAT ELSE HAS HELPED PRUDENCE’S JOURNEY? HAVING A COMMUNITY AT ALOHO TO SUPPORT HER THROUGH HER TRANSITION.

PRUDENCE: It's definitely way easier to have a transition that way. Because um hormones really messed up with your head. They make you really depressed sometimes. And if you're alone it's even harder. So I think I think one of the biggest things that a trans woman needs is that--is true love next to them holding their hands and going with the path.

SARAH: BEFORE ALOHO CAME ON THE SCENE, THERE WASNT AN ESTABLISHED SPACE FOR QUEER FEMMES IN DC. AS I MENTIONED AT THE BEGINNING OF THE EPISODE, A LESBIAN BAR CALLED PHASE 1 HAD BEEN THE SPOT SINCE 1970 BUT THAT CLOSED IN 2016. SO IN THE 2 YEARS BEFORE ALOHO OPENED, DIFFERENT GROUPS AND BARS WOULD HOST POP UP PARTIES FOR LESBIANS AROUND THE CITY. 

GARNET: Some of those spaces were, shall we say, hard to navigate and hard to catch my footing in. 

SARAH: THIS IS GARNET, ANOTHER ALOHO BARTENDER. 

GARNET: I am a darker skinned Black trans woman. I um--unlike a lot of the Black trans women that run across your TV screen now with things like Pose, I am not 5'6'', I am five-foot 10 and a half. And much love to the other trans femmes out there who are straight and who all you like is not only men, but straight men. But that is not my testimony. I like I like butch women. 

SARAH: AT THESE PARTIES, GARNET WOULD NEVER MEET OTHER PEOPLE LIKE HER. SHE FELT LIKE SHE DIDN’T BELONG. 

GARNET: There is no genuine attempt to investigate the personhood. Is what I was feeling. You know, this thing of like, this thing that often happens to like Black women in general. It's like you're here and you're cool because you're like fierce and you've contributed to the culture but you are not someone who is going to take up romantic or possibly sexual space. 

SARAH: BUT SHE NEVER GOT THAT FEELING AT ALOHO.

GARNET: It was just like, okay, cool, you're here you like this is how you identify cool, come in, hang out, and have a good time. 

SARAH: WHILE ALOHO IS A SAFE HAVEN FOR MANY, NO SPACE IS PERFECT. THIS YEAR AT PRIDE, PITCHERS AND ALOHO STIRRED UP SOME CONTROVERSY IN THE DC COMMUNITY. PEOPLE WAITING IN LINE OUTSIDE THE BARS WERE INSTRUCTED TO SPLIT OFF INTO TWO LINES--ONE FOR MEN, AND ONE FOR WOMEN--FORCING GENDERQUEER PEOPLE TO PICK A LINE OR GO SOMEWHERE ELSE.

AN APOLOGY POST ON ALOHO’S FACEBOOK PAGE ELABORATED; A MALE SECURITY GUARD HAD BEEN INSISTING ALOHO WAS EXCLUSIVELY FOR WOMEN.

BUT THAT’S NOT HOW ALLY RUNS HER BAR. SHE SAYS THEY HAVE SINCE SWITCHED TO A NEW SECURITY TEAM.

ALLY: We’re growing with our community. We’re learning. Just like everyone else. You know like because the biggest thing you can do when you make a mistake is to say okay we made a mistake and here’s how we’re fixing it. 

SARAH: THE OWNER OF BOTH PITCHERS AND ALOHO, DAVE PERUZZA, ALSO POSTED AN APOLOGY TO THE PITCHERS FACEBOOK PAGE. HE SAID THEY WERE UNDERPREPARED FOR PRIDE, AND APOLOGIZED FOR NOT BEING MORE SENSITIVE TO PRONOUNS IN THE PAST. MOVING FORWARD, HE SAID, ALL STAFF WILL CONTINUE WITH DIVERSITY TRAINING. 

AS FAR AS WE KNOW, ALOHO IS THE ONLY LESBIAN BAR OWNED BY A CIS MAN. ACCORDING TO ALLY, THIS HAS BEEN BENEFICIAL TO ALOHO. FOR ONE THING, THE PARTNERSHIP BETWEEN PITCHERS AND ALOHO OFFERS FINANCIAL STABILITY. DURING THE PANDEMIC, PITCHERS WAS THE ONE CONTINUING TO BRING IN BUSINESS. 

ALLY: When you look at pay disparity and the pay wage gap, cis, white, gay men make the most money and have the most money. So we're really able to leverage that and say, Hey, you know, like, we made it through this pandemic because we are the sister bar of Pitchers. You know, we were able to get through this because of their support.

SARAH: BUT ALOHO ITSELF IS PREDOMINANTLY RUN BY QUEER WOMEN

ALLY: And like I said Dave is very hands off, he gives me total and complete control. I pretty much run it as a separate entity. He's been really wonderful and just being like, look like, I don't know what it's like to be a lesbian. So tell me what queer women want, you know, like, and then we'll do that. 

SARAH: AS GENERAL MANAGER, ALLY BASICALLY HAS COMPLETE CONTROL OVER THINGS LIKE DECOR, EVENTS, AND HIRING. 

IN HER HIRING PROCESS, ALLY REALLY SEEMS TO VALUE DIVERSITY. AND ACCORDING TO GARNET, THE BARTENDER, THAT IS PART OF WHAT MAKES SO MANY PEOPLE FEEL COMFORTABLE AT ALOHO. BECAUSE THEY ARE ABLE TO SEE THEMSELVES IN THE STAFF. 

GARNET: I think it's partially about the people that are hired. Because like there are other people who work at the bar who are parts of my identity, but I'm the only full intersection of myself. 

SARAH: AND NOW, GARNET HERSELF ADDS ANOTHER LAYER OF REPRESENTATION TO THE ALOHO STAFF.

GARNET: And I have at this point in the you know, month and a half that I have worked there, had several people come up to me and ask me my pronouns and just be like, so you and I are the same? And I have never been to a space where someone like you has been there working in general. But you know, they've also expressed that like you were nice, and you're pretty and it was really, really nice to walk in and see you and immediately feel like I belonged here. 

SARAH: GARNET LIVES TO MAKE HER CUSTOMERS FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES. ESPECIALLY ONES THAT ARE NEW TO GAY NIGHTLIFE. THAT’S HER FAVORITE PART OF THE JOB.

GARNET: Do you remember your first time going to like, any sort of gay bar? There is this moment that happens, right? You walk in and everybody's loud, and it's bright. And you're kind of like tiptoeing because you're like a baby queer. And you're kind of confused. And then all of a sudden, you hear, "Hey, hon, what can I do for you?" And you turn around, and there's just this face smiling at you. And you know, they're doing their job. But at the same time, they just kind of hold a little space. And in the midst of all of that like sound, that cacophony of people screaming and giggling, and kissing, there's all of a sudden, you're in the eye of the storm, and there is one person kind of holding space for you and saying, You are the only thing I'm paying attention to right now. So what can I do to get you set to go off into this adventure. 

SARAH: AS WE TRACK LESBIAN BARS AROUND THE COUNTRY, WE HAVE ACTUALLY SEEN A SMALL WAVE OF NEW BARS OPENING--OR AT LEAST PLANNING TO OPEN. 

ONE OF THESE FUTURE BAR OWNERS, IS THE FORMER GENERAL MANAGER FOR A LEAGUE OF HER OWN. SHE ORIGINALLY HELPED DAVE OPEN ALOHO, AND HIRED ALLY AS A BARTENDER. 

JO: Hi, I'm Jo McDaniel. I use she/her pronouns and I am one of the founders of As You Are Bar.

SARAH: THE OTHER FOUNDER, IS JO’S PARTNER RACH PIKE. ANOTHER FORMER ALOHO EMPLOYEE. SHE WORKED AS HEAD OF SECURITY.

RACH: I use she/they/daddy pronouns.

SARAH: WE MET UP WITH THE PAIR AT THEIR NEIGHBORHOOD BAR, A FEW BLOCKS FROM THEIR DC APARTMENT.

SARAH: JO’S 18-year-old CHILD, AVERY, HAD GOTTEN US A TABLE.

JO: Remember that time when I was like order us breakfast, we're gonna slam food and take you to work. And then I was like, oh, jk, I'm also bringing three strangers from Brooklyn?

SARAH: JO HAD AVERY IN 2003. SHE WAS 21 AT THE TIME, AND STILL CLOSETED.

JO: I came out shortly after they were born, officially. I'd talked, tried to talk to my mom when I was 15 and got kind of shot down.

SARAH: WHEN AVERY WAS 2, JO MOVED THEM FROM VIRGINIA TO DC. THE FIRST THING JO DID WHEN SHE GOT TO THE CITY WAS LOOK FOR A JOB

JO: I was a single mom and I had worked in medicine so I was like going for a job at a hospital. Any job like that that requires like a lot of background and stuff takes a couple of months. 

SARAH: WHILE WAITING FOR HER BACKGROUND CHECKS TO CLEAR, A FRIEND INTRODUCED JO TO THE GENERAL MANAGER AT APEX, A QUEER NIGHTCLUB IN DC

JO: I moved to DC on a Tuesday, I went to college night on Thursday at APEX and met Joey O, the manager who I'm still close with, I credit him entirely for my industry career. He was the GM at APEX. And my first shift was that Friday.

SARAH: IT WAS AT APEX THAT JO FELL IN LOVE WITH WORKING IN QUEER NIGHTLIFE. THEIR COLLEGE NIGHTS WERE 18+. AND JO REMEMBERS WATCHING THE TEENAGERS DISCOVER THE BAR FOR THE FIRST TIME. 

JO: And this human walked up the stairs onto the dance floor was like kind of checking it out like you do when you're alone in a space that's large. And this girl who I knew pushed her girlfriend against the mirror gently and like kissed her and this kid's face, the change on this kid's face like Oh shit, that's possible. Like we can do that here.

SARAH: JO STAYED AT APEX FOR SIX MONTHS, THEN WENT ON TO WORK AT A NUMBER OF OTHER DC GAY BARS. 

JO: ​​And I have worked at APEX, Cobalt, Freddie's Beach Bar and Grill, Phase 1, Phase 1 of DuPont, and A League of Her Own. 

SARAH: TODAY, ONLY A LEAGUE OF HER OWN AND FREDDIE’S ARE STILL OPEN. AND FREDDIE’S IS ACTUALLY ACROSS THE RIVER IN ARLINGTON, VA. BUT JO HAS NEVER GOTTEN TIRED OF BARTENDING.

JO: And it's funny, because a lot of bartenders, especially in gay bars, end up really jaded and 16 years in I still really love it, and I still really love the people, even though yes, y'all are annoying as hell sometimes. Absolutely. 

SARAH: JO ALWAYS TELLS AVERY IT’S IMPORTANT TO WORK SOMEWHERE THAT MAKES YOU FEEL SATISFIED AT THE END OF THE DAY.

JO: ...and especially because I was a single mom. So Avery's whole life, I've been really like mindful about what I do and where I work. And that's part of why I've always stayed bartending 

SARAH: SO OVER THE YEARS, JO HAS BALANCED WORKING IN QUEER BARS WITH WORKING IN MEDICINE. CURRENTLY, AS SHE AND RACH ARE PLANNING TO OPEN THEIR BAR, JO IS MOONLIGHTING AS A 911 OPERATOR. 

JO: So I needed a gig that had benefits until--we plan to offer benefits to our staff. And so until we have that lined up, I'll stay at this DC government job and keep Avery's meds covered.

SARAH: AVERY HAS PSORIATIC ARTHRITIS. AN INFLAMMATORY ARTHRITIS THAT AFFECTS PEOPLE WITH PSORIASIS. THAT’S WHY JO STAYS ON AS A 911 OPERATOR.

JO: So that was the biggest part of it. And then it was also, you know, we're like, as we're putting this together. It's really it's really expensive to live at all. So yeah, I've been doing it since January. And will probably keep it until right before we open. 

RACH: Also, she's really good at it.

SARAH: THAT WAS RACH AGAIN, JO’S PARTNER. THE PAIR FIRST MET IN 2018 WHEN JO INTERVIEWED RACH FOR THE SECURITY JOB AT ALOHO.

RACH: I had literally shaved my head 30 minutes before I showed up.

JO: So I come in expecting the woman I'd met the weekend before, and she has bic'd her head. And so I'm like, kind of looking around and she's sitting at the bar, and she's like, Hey, Jo? And I was like, uh hi! 

SARAH: JO AND RACH WOULDN’T START DATING FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS. BUT FROM THE BEGINNING, JO AND RACH WERE BOTH REALLY COMMITTED TO MAKING ALOHO A SAFE SPACE FOR PATRONS. 

JO: The moment we met, we fell into step, like our missions align. And we Yin and Yang so well.

SARAH: AND LIKE ALLY, THEY HAD A LOT OF CREATIVE CONTROL OVER THE BAR. FOR EXAMPLE, FROM THE TIME ALOHO OPENED, JO IMPLEMENTED THE “ENTHUSIASTIC MODEL OF CONSENT”. THAT MEANS YOU CAN ONLY ORDER AS MANY DRINKS AS THERE ARE PEOPLE IN FRONT OF THE BARTENDER CONFIRMING THAT THEY WANT ONE.

JO: That means if five people ask for shots, five people have to say hell yes. Or at least raise their hands. You can't buy a drink for someone without them--without asking them because that--we want to shift that narrative.

SARAH: TO THIS DAY, ALOHO STILL USES THIS POLICY. AND JO AND RACH PLAN TO BRING IT OVER TO THE NEW BAR. 

RACH: I've definitely had like moments where people were like, hey, I want to buy that person down there a drink. And I was like, Great. I'll be right back. And I'm like, somebody would like to buy you a drink, do you accept? And then I go back and I'm like, they accept, no problem. And they're like--yeah, and it doesn't, that doesn't rob them of anything. It’s not like I forced them to go have an uncomfortable conversation. Like I’ll handle it. But we’re gonna make sure that they want that.

JO: It's it's less romantic to go introduce yourself. And--

RACH: I dunno, I think it's sexier.

JO: I know you do.

SARAH: AS HEAD OF SECURITY, RACH AIMED TO ADAPT HER SECURITY PRACTICES TO WHAT SHE CALLS “SAFETY MANAGEMENT.” THIS MEANS MOVING AWAY FROM INTIMIDATION, AND MORE TOWARDS COMMUNICATION. 

JO: If somebody came in and grabbed a beer, but was barely drinking it, and leaning against the counter with no friends and was like an AMAB human and was staring at two women making out? Instead of just being, you know, aggressive, like security would be, we would just walk up and say, like, Hey, friend, what brings you in tonight? And they'd be like, Oh, I'm waiting for a friend, I'm super nervous, okay, well, that's a different conversation. Now we can warm them up, or if they're like, which is typically if they were there being a creep, they would quickly be like, I was just leaving. And I was like, Great idea. I'm glad you thought of that. 

SARAH: IN EARLY 2021, JO AND RACH LEFT ALOHO. FIRST OF ALL, ALOHO HAS A STRICT NO FRATERNIZATION POLICY. 

RACH: And we were in love. 

JO: We were in love. 

SARAH: BUT MOST IMPORTANTLY, THEY HAD BEGUN THE PROCESS OF OPENING THEIR OWN QUEER BAR. THEY FIRST HAD THE IDEA WHILE CHATTING AND DRINKING WINE ON A FRIEND’S PATIO

RACH: Two of our friends, were like, why aren't you doing this by yourself? Because like, you could crush it. And then the money goes back into the community of like queer women. And I was ready, I was like, let's go, where do we what do we where do we start? 

SARAH: A LOT OF THEIR IDEAS WERE TOO EXPENSIVE TO IMPLEMENT AT ALOHO. LIKE ADDING A WHEELCHAIR RAMP LEADING UPSTAIRS TO THE DANCE FLOOR.

JO: There's not a second floor dance floor in DC, that's accessible. And, you know, we happen to know several humans in wheelchairs who would come frequent our dance floor and would love that opportunity. And don't get that opportunity. 

SARAH: THEIR PLANS DON’T STOP THERE. THEY ALSO WANT TO BE ABLE TO INCLUDE YOUNGER QUEER PEOPLE IN THE SPACE: THOSE UNDER THE AGE OF 21, WHO WON’T EVEN BE ABLE TO BUY DRINKS AT THEIR BAR. BUT JO AND RACH BELIEVE THEY ARE MAKING WORTHY INVESTMENTS. 

RACH: People show up to support people doing the right thing and we'll make--we're not trying to get rich. We're trying to make enough money to keep the doors open and continue to create safe spaces.

SARAH: RACH CAME UP WITH THE NAME FOR THEIR BAR; IT’S CALLED AS YOU ARE BAR.

RACH: That's, that's it. It's as simple as that. I just want to be able to come as I am, I want to use the restroom as I am, I wanna I want to see my friends come in as they are.

SARAH: AND OF COURSE WE WANTED TO KNOW: WHAT CATEGORIZES ALOHO AND AS YOU ARE BAR AS A LESBIAN BAR? CLEARLY, THEIR COMMUNITIES ARE MADE UP OF MORE THAN JUST LESBIANS. HERE’S RACH: 

RACH: Ultimately, a lesbian bar in 2021 is a bar that includes all the quote unquote lesbians of our community, that have language for the other representations and the other parts of the community they're involved with or identifying with that they could never speak of before. 

SARAH: JO AND RACH HOPE AS YOU ARE BAR CAN EXIST ALONGSIDE ALOHO, AS ANOTHER OPTION FOR THE QUEER COMMUNITY IN DC.

RACH: We're not trying to compete and close other bars, we're trying to add options to the bars that we have. And so we really want people to do better, including us, we need to do better.

SARAH: IT’S FUNNY, BUT WHEN ALLY WAS TALKING ABOUT ALOHO, SHE ECHOED JO AND RACH’S IDEA OF “COMING AS YOU ARE.” I THINK THAT’S WHAT MAKES A LOT OF QUEER BARS SPECIAL.

ALLY:  It is that acceptance, it's that warmth. It's that come anyway you are because the way you are is exactly how we want you because that's perfect. Because who you are and how you identify is exactly how we want to see you. 

SOON ENOUGH, DC WILL HAVE NOT ONE BUT TWO BARS WITH THIS MOTTO. JO AND RACH HOPE TO OPEN AS YOU ARE BY THE END OF 2021. 

CRUISING IS REPORTED AND PRODUCED BY RACHEL KARP, JEN MCGINITY, AND ME, SARAH GABRIELLI, WITH MUSIC BY JOEY FREEMAN. 

FOLLOW US ALONG ON OUR ROAD TRIP AND SEE PICTURES AT OUR WEBSITE: CRUISINGPOD.COM OR FOLLOW US ON SOCIAL MEDIA @CRUISINGPOD. THAT’S C-R-U-I-S-I-N-G P-O-D. SPECIAL THANKS TO LAUREL, ALLY, PRUDENCE, GARNET, JO, AND RACH.

YOU CAN LISTEN WHEREVER YOU GET YOUR PODCASTS.