WEBVTT 00:00:01.679 --> 00:00:04.320 Welcome to the Monogamous Marriage Podcast. 00:00:04.480 --> 00:00:09.359 We're Kate and Liam, married bisexuals a decade into our non-monogamous journey. 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:14.400 We've been having sex with our friends for years, and we're still madly in love with each other. 00:00:14.640 --> 00:00:20.559 We're the authors of the Monogamous Marriage Blog, where we've been overthinking sex and love since 2016. 00:00:21.199 --> 00:00:25.440 This podcast is the place where we process our sexual adventures in real time. 00:00:25.920 --> 00:00:30.480 We are not experts, and nothing we say should be mistaken for professional advice. 00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:36.320 The show contains mature language and sexual content, so if you're under 18, it isn't for you. 00:00:36.479 --> 00:00:43.039 But if you're a fellow overthinker and you're not freaked out by unfiltered conversation, you're gonna feel right at home. 00:00:45.439 --> 00:00:50.640 I don't know if you've been keeping score at home, but we are in the 14th year of our relationship. 00:00:50.799 --> 00:00:57.920 And one of the things we discovered along the way in terms of our sex life is that the three-hour sex date is a really great idea. 00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:03.920 It's not an idea we came up with, we heard it from someone else, but it's not really a solution in itself. 00:01:04.079 --> 00:01:07.599 It's a container within which certain activities can happen. 00:01:07.760 --> 00:01:25.359 So the commitment of the three-hour sex date is that you enter the room and you don't leave for three hours and you just do whatever you feel along the way, which was great at the beginning because we had a few ideas, but we've been kind of running out of ideas for a while now. 00:01:25.680 --> 00:01:39.200 When we first taught this at a PCAP event, we actually created a fantasy menu and we just brainstormed all the things that we could think of that you might do sexually to another person. 00:01:39.599 --> 00:01:51.200 And we handed that out and said, if you're feeling like your three hours is, you know, getting difficult to fill, go to the fantasy menu, pick something out, and say, hey, let's try this. 00:01:51.359 --> 00:01:52.719 I hadn't thought of it before. 00:01:52.959 --> 00:02:00.239 So what we recently did was remembered that we wrote this list and thought, hey, how about we take our own damn advice? 00:02:00.640 --> 00:02:04.159 So you came up with a format that you wanted to follow for this. 00:02:04.239 --> 00:02:07.200 So why don't you just explain that to our audience? 00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:07.760 Yeah. 00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:12.639 So I thought it would be interesting to kind of set a task for each other. 00:02:12.879 --> 00:02:18.400 So we printed out two copies of this fantasy menu, which we will link in our show notes. 00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:21.120 And we had an assignment. 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:25.840 So as a good teacher, I like to give it in um groups of three. 00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:32.879 So you had to do three yeses, three no's, and three pleases. 00:02:33.360 --> 00:02:34.240 Please meaning. 00:02:34.560 --> 00:02:35.439 Well, I'll go through them. 00:02:35.680 --> 00:02:35.840 Okay. 00:02:36.080 --> 00:02:40.560 So the yes is I would like to do more of, or we don't do enough of. 00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:42.319 But it's something we've tried. 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:42.879 Right. 00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:48.400 So things we've done before, but we feel like we'd like to revisit or or do more of it. 00:02:48.719 --> 00:02:50.080 No is don't like. 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:55.680 So it could be something we've tried and don't like, or something we just read and feel like, I never want to do that. 00:02:55.759 --> 00:02:57.439 I don't even need to try it. 00:02:57.680 --> 00:03:01.039 And please is something that you would like to try. 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:05.840 Maybe we've even dabbled in it a little bit, but never really got too far into it. 00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:12.800 And so it's something that appeals to you that you would like to ask for for future three-hour sex dates. 00:03:12.960 --> 00:03:13.120 Right. 00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:16.400 So each of us had to come up with three of each. 00:03:16.560 --> 00:03:22.879 So we've got a list now of nine things each to go through, and that's how we're going to structure our podcast. 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:27.919 And I also asked you to add a fourth category, which is H for honorable mention. 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:34.159 So something that didn't make the top three list of things we'd like to try, but we're a little bit curious about. 00:03:34.800 --> 00:03:35.120 Okay. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:37.360 So where would you like to start, Liam? 00:03:37.840 --> 00:03:40.000 I think we should start with the negatives and get them out of the way. 00:03:40.319 --> 00:03:40.639 Okay. 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:43.840 That's a very optimistic view of life. 00:03:44.319 --> 00:03:45.199 What would you do? 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:46.639 I don't know. 00:03:47.360 --> 00:03:47.599 Okay. 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:50.479 So you're really as submissive through and through is what you're saying. 00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:51.599 Yeah, pretty much. 00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:52.240 Okay. 00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:56.319 So what is your number one no? 00:03:57.120 --> 00:03:57.439 Okay. 00:03:57.759 --> 00:04:03.039 So I have fisting on there as a definite no. 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:07.439 And of course, we have stories about so many of these things. 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:13.280 So I recently fisted a woman, which was quite an interesting experience. 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:14.719 Did I know about that? 00:04:14.879 --> 00:04:15.919 Yeah, you were there. 00:04:16.240 --> 00:04:17.120 I was there. 00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:23.040 Yes, we were at our friend's house for the weekend and they brought over a friend, and this woman was into it. 00:04:23.199 --> 00:04:24.480 She was asking for it. 00:04:25.360 --> 00:04:26.800 But I didn't watch it. 00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:28.879 That's why I'm a little unclear on it. 00:04:29.199 --> 00:04:30.319 Where were you? 00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:35.519 I think I was over on the massage table, just by myself, just chilling and relaxing. 00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:37.360 Well, that's how you miss stuff. 00:04:37.600 --> 00:04:37.920 Okay. 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:44.959 So so I knew it was a thing that she liked because I had been told in advance that she liked these things. 00:04:45.199 --> 00:04:46.399 Because this was a new person, right? 00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.120 Someone you didn't have actual experience with yourself. 00:04:49.439 --> 00:04:49.680 Right. 00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:50.879 This is a friend of a friend. 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:51.600 Right. 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:58.000 And um I was curious because anytime I encounter something new and different, I'm always curious. 00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:05.759 So when we got back to the house, there was an opportunity for me to go down on her. 00:05:05.920 --> 00:05:08.879 And of course, I'm always in for that. 00:05:09.120 --> 00:05:13.680 So I was eating her pussy, and I, you know, I asked, Do you like fingers? 00:05:13.839 --> 00:05:14.879 She's like, Yes. 00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:19.199 So I put one, two, then three in. 00:05:19.360 --> 00:05:20.560 And she's like, more. 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:21.519 Whoa. 00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:23.839 And I'm like, all right, I got I got four. 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:26.319 I got even five if you want that much. 00:05:26.560 --> 00:05:29.279 So slowly with the lube. 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:32.480 It didn't take all that much warm-up time. 00:05:32.720 --> 00:05:35.199 I was actually shocked by how quickly it happened. 00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:43.360 Um, I was able to get in first all four of my fingers, and then as I went further in, my, you know, the end of my thumb, and then my knuckles. 00:05:43.439 --> 00:05:48.319 And then sure enough, I am fully engulfed in the cavity of her vagina. 00:05:48.560 --> 00:05:49.199 To the wrist. 00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:50.639 To the wrist. 00:05:50.959 --> 00:05:52.800 And she was loving it. 00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:54.399 So that's great. 00:05:54.720 --> 00:05:58.240 But I was, I was like, whoa, this is a lot. 00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:03.120 Like it's you know, to look at it, my whole hand was gone. 00:06:03.439 --> 00:06:08.000 So it's a very different thing being a fister and a fist-e. 00:06:08.399 --> 00:06:10.399 So she loved being a fiste. 00:06:10.800 --> 00:06:12.959 How did you feel about being a fister? 00:06:13.759 --> 00:06:15.600 Well, as I said, it was weird. 00:06:15.759 --> 00:06:18.800 So weird can go in either direction. 00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:19.360 Yeah. 00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:22.480 The whole time I was just like, uh, is this okay? 00:06:22.639 --> 00:06:23.279 Are you all right? 00:06:23.439 --> 00:06:30.319 Like I'm having flashbacks to delivering my children vaginally and just feeling like that was not a good time at all. 00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:33.120 And this feels a little too similar to that. 00:06:33.279 --> 00:06:36.879 And it was also like, it felt like a large space inside. 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:41.279 And I was a little shocked by like the hollow room I was in. 00:06:42.480 --> 00:06:48.560 Yeah, well, I think a big part of it is when you talk about her not needing a lot of warm-up, is because it was her fantasy. 00:06:48.800 --> 00:06:56.480 So as soon as it starts, she is excited and going through all the physiological changes that excitement brings. 00:06:56.720 --> 00:07:02.319 So that spaciousness is probably her body preparing for something she really wants. 00:07:02.639 --> 00:07:02.800 Yeah. 00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:04.000 And she had done it before. 00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:07.759 So this was not a first time where she would feel nervous and clamp down or anything. 00:07:08.000 --> 00:07:10.720 She was she was just calm, relaxed, and wide open. 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:11.680 Beautiful. 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:18.240 But when you think about being the fist E, you have no enthusiasm whatsoever. 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:19.360 Well, okay. 00:07:19.600 --> 00:07:23.199 See, now that I'm telling this story, I'm remembering another story. 00:07:24.160 --> 00:07:32.639 And there was a time when I was doing a little solo video just impromptu out at the pool. 00:07:32.879 --> 00:07:38.959 I was lying around in the afternoon on a floaty in the middle of the pool with my phone, as one does. 00:07:39.279 --> 00:07:49.519 And uh I was really horny and imagining that the kid in the upstairs window, the teenager who lived over there, might see me out there. 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:57.120 And which would have been possible because that window, especially before we planted trees in the way, overlooked the pool. 00:07:57.279 --> 00:08:02.160 If the person was there at the right time, they would see exactly what you were doing, which was part of the excitement you're saying. 00:08:03.439 --> 00:08:03.600 Yeah. 00:08:03.680 --> 00:08:08.399 So at first I started just touching myself and then one finger, two fingers, three fingers. 00:08:08.639 --> 00:08:09.120 Wow. 00:08:09.360 --> 00:08:16.079 And eventually I did get four fingers in, and I got that kind of ravenous feeling like I want more. 00:08:16.399 --> 00:08:16.800 Right. 00:08:17.040 --> 00:08:25.680 Um just, you know, physiologically, it was difficult for me to Yeah, there are ergonomics to that fantasy when it's in self-play. 00:08:26.079 --> 00:08:26.319 Yeah. 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:28.720 So I couldn't get the whole fist in there. 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:35.200 I don't think I had that much, you know, enthusiasm for the whole fist. 00:08:35.360 --> 00:08:37.679 But anyway, but you know that you understand. 00:08:38.000 --> 00:08:41.440 Yeah, I get the that feeling of like I just want to be full. 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:43.759 I just want more, more, more. 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.279 So yeah, I mean, way to go her. 00:08:47.840 --> 00:08:55.600 But I do have to say that if I ever had any fantasies about being fisted myself, being the fister, I think turned me kind of off. 00:08:55.919 --> 00:08:56.240 Oh. 00:08:56.639 --> 00:08:57.039 Yeah. 00:08:57.360 --> 00:08:57.600 Okay. 00:08:57.840 --> 00:08:58.559 I didn't like it. 00:08:58.799 --> 00:09:00.639 I thought it would demystify it for you. 00:09:01.600 --> 00:09:02.799 Well, all right. 00:09:02.960 --> 00:09:04.399 So let's bounce over to you. 00:09:04.559 --> 00:09:06.320 Give me a no on your list. 00:09:06.799 --> 00:09:07.120 Okay. 00:09:07.519 --> 00:09:18.480 I have to make a little statement before I go into my no's, and that is almost every one of them is an enthusiasm shared by someone that we really love. 00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:19.600 Sure. 00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:23.600 And you know that saying don't yuck someone else's yum. 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:25.679 I feel like that's what I'm going to be doing here. 00:09:26.080 --> 00:09:26.240 Right. 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:27.600 There's a real danger of that. 00:09:27.759 --> 00:09:33.279 So if you're very sensitive to being yucked, you might want to stop listening right now. 00:09:33.679 --> 00:09:34.080 Yeah. 00:09:34.399 --> 00:09:42.399 And the thing that redeems it for me is that I love seeing people make their fantasies come true. 00:09:43.120 --> 00:09:53.679 And the more transgressive their fantasy, assuming that it's safe and consensual, the more excited I am on their behalf, even if it's not something that I would want. 00:09:54.080 --> 00:09:55.039 Yep, I get that. 00:09:55.360 --> 00:10:02.320 So having said that, I'm gonna say that my first no is wearing a cock cage. 00:10:02.639 --> 00:10:03.039 Mm-hmm. 00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:06.240 So So tell me why you would not like that. 00:10:07.200 --> 00:10:12.320 Because the obvious, I guess, it sounds so uncomfortable. 00:10:12.879 --> 00:10:14.879 It keeps you from having an erection. 00:10:15.039 --> 00:10:25.120 So maybe that's part of the pleasure of it that now you don't have to have an erection because you can't, so you can let go of that anxiety that many men feel. 00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:26.559 So I can relate to that. 00:10:27.039 --> 00:10:33.759 That straining against the restraint feeling, like you're so big, you're just filling up the cage. 00:10:34.399 --> 00:10:36.480 We're just guessing because we don't know. 00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:36.960 Okay. 00:10:37.279 --> 00:10:42.480 So so that is something that is basically a hard no for me. 00:10:42.879 --> 00:10:56.639 I would guess that for you, as someone who's talked so disparagingly about wearing a condom and having the little droopy nose at the end, there's an aesthetic element to your lack of desire for a cottage. 00:10:57.360 --> 00:10:58.960 There is that too. 00:10:59.200 --> 00:11:04.480 And I was holding back again in deference to friends who really like it. 00:11:04.639 --> 00:11:09.519 So maybe they like the look, or maybe they like that it doesn't look good, and that's part of the appeal. 00:11:09.840 --> 00:11:10.159 Sure. 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:12.799 But yeah, there is an aesthetic dimension as well. 00:11:13.039 --> 00:11:19.840 Also, for me, it's super important that you be turned on by any aspect of me. 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:30.080 So it would be so different if you came to me drooling just slightly and saying, Oh, I'd love to see you in a cock cage. 00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:31.440 That would turn me on so much. 00:11:31.600 --> 00:11:33.600 That would change things a lot. 00:11:34.240 --> 00:11:36.240 So that's another dimension to this. 00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:49.919 I'm yes, dealing with what I believe to be my own authentic aspirations, but I'm also kind of predicting what you might think or how you might react to something. 00:11:50.080 --> 00:11:53.679 And that has the ability to tip the scales to one side or the other. 00:11:54.000 --> 00:11:54.480 Sure. 00:11:55.120 --> 00:11:58.720 Okay, so no fisting, no cock caging. 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:03.840 Although I have to say, we had a sexy experience with a cock cage. 00:12:04.320 --> 00:12:04.639 Okay. 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:18.720 So with our um, we were filming a video, and our friend was sitting in the corner with a cock cage on while his wife and I were getting fucked by uh a friend of ours. 00:12:19.600 --> 00:12:25.679 And the whole time, you know, he was just kind of straining against his restraints. 00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:28.480 I think he was actually handcuffed as well. 00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:30.639 So he just had to watch. 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:32.879 And and then we were really teasing him. 00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:42.879 Like we got right in front of him, we laid him on the ground, and this other man made us squirt on top of him while he was in the cock cage. 00:12:42.960 --> 00:12:43.120 Right. 00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:47.679 So there was a whole like teasing to the extreme element of it. 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:50.159 And I found that sexy. 00:12:50.559 --> 00:13:02.000 Like I liked the powerful feeling of like it's kind of this like playful power game where I'm like, I'm trying to get you hard because I want to make you uncomfortable in that cage. 00:13:02.240 --> 00:13:05.440 So let's see all the things I can do to mess with you. 00:13:05.759 --> 00:13:12.240 So that thing that you admit you kind of liked in him, would any part of you want to see me in a cock cage? 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:13.679 Only if you liked it. 00:13:13.840 --> 00:13:15.440 And that was the big difference maker. 00:13:15.519 --> 00:13:16.240 He did like it. 00:13:16.399 --> 00:13:17.519 It was his request. 00:13:17.759 --> 00:13:18.000 Yes. 00:13:18.240 --> 00:13:24.320 So knowing that that was his fantasy, I loved being able to help make it come true for him. 00:13:24.720 --> 00:13:25.039 Okay. 00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:28.879 So we've given one no each, and it's taking quite a while. 00:13:29.200 --> 00:13:30.879 We need to walk through this faster. 00:13:31.120 --> 00:13:32.480 Okay, here's a quick one for me. 00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:32.879 Okay. 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:34.240 No facials. 00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:34.799 Okay. 00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:36.720 I just I don't like cum. 00:13:37.200 --> 00:13:37.440 Right. 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:42.399 And I don't want it on my face or in my mouth or in my eyes. 00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:42.960 Right. 00:13:43.200 --> 00:13:52.480 I get that it's a thing that people sometimes like in porn, and I have done it a couple times for the sake of the video, but I don't like it. 00:13:52.720 --> 00:13:53.120 Right. 00:13:53.360 --> 00:13:55.600 And I don't know that it's something you enjoy. 00:13:55.759 --> 00:14:01.759 Like again, if you loved it, if you're like, please, baby, let me come on your face, I'd be here for it. 00:14:01.919 --> 00:14:06.080 But it's not something you like either, so I can just be honest and say, ew, icky. 00:14:06.559 --> 00:14:09.440 Yeah, we have a friend who really likes come play. 00:14:09.519 --> 00:14:11.919 That's the way he describes it. 00:14:12.159 --> 00:14:22.639 And while I like the idea of coming, and I can like some visual aspects of it, but seeing it on your face or anyone else's face. 00:14:23.200 --> 00:14:26.799 Like rubbing it all around your belly and playing with the stickiness of it? 00:14:27.120 --> 00:14:27.440 No. 00:14:28.639 --> 00:14:30.080 No, it's not my zone. 00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:37.120 Elementary school, like playing with the white glue as it got more and more sticky, and you I don't like it. 00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:37.840 Oh. 00:14:38.480 --> 00:14:38.799 Okay. 00:14:39.679 --> 00:14:41.759 So yeah, again, we're at that thing. 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:45.440 Like, if you really liked it though, I would come right on your face. 00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:46.080 Sure. 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:50.799 But yeah, given that you don't, it's not an innate enthusiasm of mine either. 00:14:51.200 --> 00:14:53.200 Yeah, it makes me a little gaggy. 00:14:54.639 --> 00:14:56.240 All right, quick no for you. 00:14:56.559 --> 00:15:02.080 My quick no is electro play. 00:15:03.039 --> 00:15:04.879 So that's something you've done. 00:15:05.759 --> 00:15:14.799 I've seen people really enjoy it in a way that usually would make me say, hey, I want in on that too. 00:15:15.039 --> 00:15:16.559 But not with electroplay. 00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:19.919 I can't imagine enjoying it. 00:15:20.159 --> 00:15:38.240 In fact, this is different than the cock cage because if you said I'd be so turned on if I saw you getting electrocuted on a massage table and squirming and spasming and I wouldn't do it for you. 00:15:38.559 --> 00:15:38.960 All right. 00:15:39.279 --> 00:15:43.120 Spasming would be at at a setting way too high. 00:15:43.440 --> 00:15:44.240 I meant low level. 00:15:44.879 --> 00:15:54.000 Yeah, it feels like kind of fuzzy, like you know, at most, like when you rub your feet on the carpet and shock someone. 00:15:54.240 --> 00:15:54.399 Yeah. 00:15:55.039 --> 00:15:56.000 I never enjoyed that. 00:15:56.240 --> 00:15:56.720 Yeah, I get it. 00:15:56.879 --> 00:15:57.200 I get it. 00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:59.279 Like it's not a sexual turn-on for me either. 00:15:59.440 --> 00:16:05.840 And the first time I had it done, the guy went straight to my nipples and pussy, and I didn't like it at all. 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:06.480 Right. 00:16:06.799 --> 00:16:11.039 But our friends live in the sweet life, they really like the electro play. 00:16:11.120 --> 00:16:19.440 And I did have a nice time just in that it was kind of a an interesting sensation on my arm when he did it with me. 00:16:19.840 --> 00:16:21.919 Um, but I can't say it's sexually arousing. 00:16:22.080 --> 00:16:22.320 Right. 00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:27.519 I did see a video though of a woman using an electric wand. 00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:28.480 On me. 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:29.600 Yeah, that's right. 00:16:29.759 --> 00:16:30.720 At our women's retreat. 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:35.200 That was a turn-on because you were doing it as part of a demonstration. 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:38.080 So I'm also thinking that there's an audience. 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:47.679 So the part of me that not only is an exhibitionist, but likes seeing other people be exhibitionists, or maybe particularly my wife being an exhibitionist. 00:16:48.480 --> 00:16:49.840 That really turned me on. 00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:54.799 Yeah, you know what I liked about that is that I was face down and blindfolded. 00:16:54.879 --> 00:16:56.960 So I didn't know where it was going to come next. 00:16:57.120 --> 00:17:05.119 And so it was a sensory play thing where kind of like impact play, you never know where it's gonna come next. 00:17:05.200 --> 00:17:08.079 And so all of your nerves are on edge. 00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:11.039 So it actually did work for me in that way. 00:17:11.279 --> 00:17:18.480 In the same way it would have if it was an ice cube or um like a metal chain or something being dropped on me. 00:17:18.559 --> 00:17:22.480 It's just that that same sense of like, ooh, where's it gonna come next? 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:24.559 So the anticipation of it was nice. 00:17:24.960 --> 00:17:46.400 I realized too that another thing that turned me on about that was the woman was talking you through the experience, and she was being very supportive and encouraging and also a little presumptuous in terms of saying that she knew what you wanted and you're gonna like this. 00:17:46.559 --> 00:17:48.160 And so I did like that. 00:17:48.240 --> 00:17:58.240 So there was a performative aspect to it, and I generally don't like performative sex, but in that situation, it was part of what appealed to me. 00:17:58.400 --> 00:17:59.839 Watching it happen to you. 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:03.119 But happening to me, I have zero interest. 00:18:03.440 --> 00:18:03.759 Okay. 00:18:04.160 --> 00:18:04.400 Yeah. 00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:08.079 She was a professional Dom, so she was a little bossy, but I like that. 00:18:08.319 --> 00:18:09.519 I kind of liked it too. 00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:13.839 Okay, my last no is sounding. 00:18:14.319 --> 00:18:14.640 Okay. 00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:16.880 So Is that also your last no? 00:18:17.359 --> 00:18:20.400 Well, it's it's vying for third place. 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:20.960 Okay. 00:18:21.359 --> 00:18:26.720 So but it's interesting that you picked up something that I guess I guess it could be done to a woman. 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:28.319 You've got a urethra. 00:18:28.640 --> 00:18:29.039 Yeah. 00:18:29.279 --> 00:18:33.039 But you're talking about you don't want to see this done to a man. 00:18:33.440 --> 00:18:34.480 I don't want to do it. 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:36.880 So I have done it to a man in the past. 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:37.519 Right. 00:18:37.759 --> 00:18:41.920 Again, he loved it and really wanted me to do it to him. 00:18:42.000 --> 00:19:01.680 So I thought that would be enough to get me to a place of enjoyment because my my first reaction is, uh, and maybe for our audience we should explain that sounding is inserting medical grade metal rod down the urethra of a man's penis or up to urethra. 00:19:02.079 --> 00:19:04.960 Depends if he's purged or not. 00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:05.839 Yes. 00:19:06.160 --> 00:19:10.559 And it requires a lot of lube and rounded edges on this thing. 00:19:10.799 --> 00:19:12.240 So he was into it. 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:16.240 I was like, oh God, I poof, I am skeptical. 00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:18.319 But again, I'm always up for new things. 00:19:18.559 --> 00:19:23.200 So I tried it, and the whole time I was like, are you sure this is okay? 00:19:23.359 --> 00:19:24.640 Do you really like this? 00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:30.960 So no doubt I took away any arousal he might have had because I was so concerned about it. 00:19:31.279 --> 00:19:32.640 I thought he really liked it though. 00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:36.079 My memory of it is that he really enjoyed what you were doing. 00:19:36.160 --> 00:19:38.640 And he in fact thought you did a good job. 00:19:38.960 --> 00:19:39.279 Yeah. 00:19:39.440 --> 00:19:44.480 And then once it's in there, you give it a little tap and you can like send the vibrations down. 00:19:44.640 --> 00:19:48.319 So I kind of get how that might be arousing. 00:19:48.480 --> 00:19:58.559 And, you know, anyone who's into medical play, they like the kind of scary medical devices and playing on the edge of fear and pain there. 00:19:59.200 --> 00:20:00.480 But it's not for me. 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:04.000 I felt very I don't want to hurt people. 00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:04.480 Right. 00:20:04.720 --> 00:20:07.039 That's that's a big through line for me. 00:20:07.200 --> 00:20:07.920 I don't want to hurt people. 00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:12.640 So the fisting thing, I really felt like, uh, are you are you sure this isn't hurting? 00:20:12.799 --> 00:20:17.519 So that takes away my my ability to have arousal. 00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:19.359 So I guess I'm not a sadist then. 00:20:19.759 --> 00:20:20.079 Right. 00:20:20.400 --> 00:20:27.200 But it's it's interesting that we are again confronting that being, in this case, the sounder or the sound e. 00:20:27.599 --> 00:20:31.440 So you were a sounder and didn't really want to do that anymore. 00:20:32.319 --> 00:20:32.640 Right. 00:20:32.960 --> 00:20:33.359 All right. 00:20:33.599 --> 00:20:36.640 You said that was tied for um third. 00:20:36.799 --> 00:20:38.240 What was your other third no? 00:20:38.640 --> 00:20:47.359 Yeah, so definitely sounding as the sound dm does not appeal to me even in iota. 00:20:47.680 --> 00:20:48.000 Okay. 00:20:48.160 --> 00:20:52.720 I've never had any curiosity about what it might feel like to insert something into my urethra. 00:20:52.880 --> 00:20:54.319 How did you feel watching that happen? 00:20:54.480 --> 00:20:55.200 Do you remember that? 00:20:55.519 --> 00:20:57.839 I bet you I averted my eyes a lot. 00:20:58.160 --> 00:20:58.480 Okay. 00:20:58.799 --> 00:20:59.039 Yeah. 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:08.000 It was happening on the bed, but I had something going on with the female part of that couple that was a great night for me. 00:21:08.160 --> 00:21:11.119 And so I think I was really focused on her. 00:21:11.279 --> 00:21:30.319 I was aware that you were doing something, but it was easy for me not to watch, and I was happy not to be a spectator for that because empathetically, as a person with a penis, I would have felt too uncomfortable seeing what I would not want done done to someone else. 00:21:30.640 --> 00:21:30.799 Okay. 00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.599 So that was one of mine. 00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:38.640 The other one that was vying for it was cross-dressing. 00:21:40.000 --> 00:21:44.319 So I always used to say, I'm happy I'm not a cross dresser. 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:54.559 So I remember when I was a student in Montreal, so in my early 20s, seeing a couple of men in those days wearing women's clothes and clearly loving it. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.799 And I thought, oh, I get it. 00:21:57.119 --> 00:21:59.759 It excites you so much, not only to do this. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:03.759 Privately, but to do it publicly, it must be quite a thrill. 00:22:04.000 --> 00:22:09.920 I'm just glad it's not my thrill because I couldn't picture a female partner enjoying it. 00:22:10.000 --> 00:22:11.680 And that's always a big part of it. 00:22:11.839 --> 00:22:17.519 How is this thing that I want going to be received by the person whose opinion I care about the most? 00:22:17.759 --> 00:22:28.480 But we have now seen in our own lives people, good friends of ours, who enjoy some form of cross-dressing. 00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:29.039 Yeah. 00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:32.240 We've got these two male friends who are into it. 00:22:32.319 --> 00:22:40.160 They like to wear occasional fish nets or lace underwear, especially if they're wearing them under their cloth their regular clothes. 00:22:40.319 --> 00:22:40.559 Right. 00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:46.880 And there's this little secret they've got, or this little extra rubbing they have happening that's like a fun little thrill for them. 00:22:47.200 --> 00:22:53.839 Wasn't there a friends episode where they discover that Joey is wearing women's panties under his jeans? 00:22:54.160 --> 00:22:55.200 It's possible. 00:22:55.839 --> 00:22:56.319 Yeah. 00:22:56.640 --> 00:23:00.559 I remember seeing that and realizing that the women were not hating it. 00:23:00.799 --> 00:23:14.160 So that is in the category of things where if you said to me, Liam, I don't know where this came from, but I'm suddenly obsessed with the idea of seeing you in a pair of women's panties, I could get into that one. 00:23:14.319 --> 00:23:16.559 It's not like electroplay where it'd be a hard no. 00:23:16.960 --> 00:23:19.519 I would probably very quickly come around. 00:23:19.680 --> 00:23:28.880 But I'm guessing that while you like seeing our friends explore something of a transgressive nature, it's not something you're yearning to see from me. 00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:29.519 Right. 00:23:29.599 --> 00:23:34.000 Yeah, this is definitely in the category of if you love it, I love it for you. 00:23:34.480 --> 00:23:39.839 But it's not something that I would get turned on by seeing you do. 00:23:40.000 --> 00:23:48.480 So, and I don't I mean, actually, I mean, I would like to wear men's boxer shorts, but I don't don't know that it would be a sexually arousing thing. 00:23:48.559 --> 00:23:49.839 It would just be comfy. 00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:52.000 Okay, let's try that. 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:54.960 That'll be five minutes of our next three-hour sex date. 00:23:55.359 --> 00:23:56.400 Well, there you are. 00:23:56.559 --> 00:23:57.759 You're in the boxers. 00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:00.640 Speaking of five minutes, we need to move on. 00:24:00.720 --> 00:24:01.920 So let's do a quick summary. 00:24:02.079 --> 00:24:06.480 My nose are fisting, facials, and sounding. 00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:13.920 And your three no's are cock cage and electro play and cross dressing. 00:24:14.160 --> 00:24:14.720 All right. 00:24:15.119 --> 00:24:16.799 So let's get off with the negative. 00:24:16.960 --> 00:24:17.359 All right. 00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:22.480 Because that was the dangerous area where we're thinking that we might be yucking someone's yum. 00:24:22.559 --> 00:24:26.880 But now we're getting to the yeses, all right, positive side of the conversation. 00:24:27.119 --> 00:24:30.559 But before we get there, let's pause for this message. 00:24:30.799 --> 00:24:31.119 Okay. 00:24:33.279 --> 00:24:43.119 If you're interested in lifestyle travel, but wondering if there's an alternative to the pounding bass and non-stop drinking of keto and desire, we have great news for you. 00:24:43.359 --> 00:24:52.880 At Sapio Tours, we take small groups of non-monogamous couples to destinations of cultural interest in Europe, like France and Italy, and Greece. 00:24:53.119 --> 00:24:54.640 It's the best of both worlds. 00:24:54.799 --> 00:25:01.200 You get excursions you can actually tell your kids about, and the sexual opportunities that will be your little secret. 00:25:01.599 --> 00:25:03.279 That sounds like something you might like. 00:25:03.359 --> 00:25:13.759 Go to sapioturs.com s-a-p-i-o-t-o-r-s.com to find out more and to get on our mailing list. 00:25:14.000 --> 00:25:17.359 And now, back to the Monogamous Marriage Podcast. 00:25:19.759 --> 00:25:25.599 All right, we are back and we are going to move into the land of yeses and pleases. 00:25:25.839 --> 00:25:32.880 So for the next part of our assignment, we are going to talk about the yeses, things that we would like to do more of. 00:25:33.200 --> 00:25:36.880 Right, and these are things generally that we have tried. 00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:42.720 So things that maybe we haven't explored fully and we would like to get deeper into. 00:25:42.799 --> 00:25:43.519 Is that correct? 00:25:43.680 --> 00:25:43.920 Yeah. 00:25:44.160 --> 00:25:44.480 Okay. 00:25:44.640 --> 00:25:46.400 What's your first yes? 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:50.079 So for me, it's dom sub power play. 00:25:50.319 --> 00:25:50.880 Right. 00:25:51.200 --> 00:25:55.039