#71UpSkill — 5 Steps To Network The Right Way

In episode 71 of the Upskill Talks podcast, our host Michel Shah discusses networking and the importance of building authentic, reciprocal relationships. 

Many people wrongly view networking as solely self-serving. In this episode, we break down this myth and explain what it's actually about -- cultivating trust and building network currency.

We outline the five key steps to network in the right way. But first, we clarify what networking is and isn't. We offer practical ways to support people currently in your network, like showing appreciation, and also ways to expand your network.

Remember: networking is not about using people to get ahead, but about building relationships based on mutual trust and support. 

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Transcript

 Welcome to upSkill Talks . I'm your host, Michel Shah lead UpSkiller at UpSkill Community. UpSkill Talks is a podcast for leaders, leaders who are actively seeking innovative and creative ways to interact lead themselves and others. In every episode, through real life stories and enlightening conversations, we will explore the challenge.

And opportunities real leaders face in today's everchanging workplace. We will present you with real strategies for you to leverage your soft skills and produce transformative results. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let us begin.

 Hi, I'm Michelle Shaw and welcome to upskill talks. This is episode 71. And in this episode, we're talking about networking. Whether you are having success in your professional career or struggling in your professional career, be that a business or employment or freelance or any blend of those. Networking is contributing or taken away from your success. In this episode, I'm going to cover five steps. 

To network in the right way. 

But first let's discuss. What networking is and isn't. And so I've been looking at definitions online, and one of the definitions says, networking is. Creating  interconnection among people whom you work with or other people whom you're interested in. And now the definition says. Intentionally deliberately cultivating connections with people who can help you to progress. 

And the third one says, expanding your knowledge and capabilities by leveraging relationships you have with others. These three definitions, all suggest that we do network in. Only to help ourselves. That is the number one challenge I have with the concept. And approach to networking. We do network in only because of what's in it for us. And so that's one of the things that we're going to talk about in this episode. 

Why would we do something that's only about what we can get out of it and expect that others are just hanging around, hoping that we may come to them to leverage them, to get what we want. And so the first. Concept that I want to make sure we're clear on in this episode is when we talk about networking, we are talking about reciprocal, networking  

but first let's talk about why, why networking? Networking is an opportunity to cultivate authentic relationships with others. Whom you build trust with and who build trust in you? And you build up what's called network currency. The, the trust, the faith, the belief that people have in you that they're willing to risk their reputation. 

Willing to call in a credit or a favor on your behalf. And doing that, knowing that you will represent them, their reputation, their brand, their credibility, that they will have nothing to lose, that they can have absolute confidence that when they say your name, You will understand how linked you are to their name, their brand, their reputation, that you will do the right thing  to move yourself forward, but not to harm them and their reputation in the process. That's one of the things that we have to be clear about when we talk about networking. So why do you want to do it early? Because as Harvey McKay says, you've got to dig your well before you are thirsty. 

Because no one wants a functional utilitarian. Tit for tat instrumental relationship where you get a call and, you know, as soon as the call comes in or the message comes in, or the email comes in, you already know this person needs a favor because this person only seeks you out. When it's time for a favor. 

So let's back up and talk about the very first thing. That is important in. I in discussing. Networking that's one is what is the goal? And what will be your role? That's number one. Why are you networking? What is the purpose? So what once you've made this connection. So what. What is the value of this connection, then the goal and the role, what are you going to add to the relationship? How can you add value to that person? 

And so a lot of times what we find is that network and relationships are conceptualized as hierarchical. We're going to network with someone who is higher up in the organization than us who has more resources, more knowledge, more wealth, and they can give us something. And that's what we're there for, but we're not thinking about how can we contribute to. 

Ah, how can we add value to that person? We do not need to add value in the same way or using the same approaches, but all of us can add value. And so before you jump into thinking about who to network with, it's important to think about how can I add value to this person? 

You are, you would have already thought about what that person can add to you, but the other side of the coin is equally important. So that's going to be one. Then I want to talk a little bit about number two, which is the network in mindset. The mindset around networking needs to shift from making a bunch of contacts to identifying first. 

Who do you want to build connections with? Who do you want to invest in? To get to know well to nurture meaningful, authentic, deep relationships. That will benefit all parties who identifying who you want to and knowing the rationale for whom you're identifying that's number one. The mindset that we're talking about, therefore means you're not trying to connect with a million people. 

That's a different ball game that we're not talking about networking. We're not talking about the number of people that like. Uh, post or say hello. We're talking about going deeper to knowing the human being behind the name. That's the network in mindset. And this reminds me off many years ago when we were young and we would go to a club. 

There would always be this one person in the club. Who just goes from person to person, trying to get a dance, trying to get attention and makes their way around the room. And you would see them heading your way from a mile out. And you can put your hand up, like, please don't come over here. Like stop. 

I want you to think about that, how that would make you feel to see that one person to work in the room coming around. Just, you know, that person has been just saying the same thing to every person online and that person now makes their way to you. Imagine how you would feel. And so try to make sure that you are not that person who is doing that, where they, the idea that everyone gets about you is that you don't really care who it is. You're just looking to make some con contacts or connections. It doesn't matter. You're not really being selective. 

And once you get into that mindset of how many people can I talk to? How many people can I connect with? How many people's numbers can I get? How many cards can I get? How many people can I have on my profile? You're shifting away from an authentic networking mindset. To a connection, a contact to mindset connections have to go deeper. So I want to encourage you not to be that person in the club, trying to work the room. 

But to be that person who is selective, who has their eye on one or two people, those are my options. These are the reasons those two people are my options and that's how I'm going to navigate that. So that's very, very important. And then oils be thinking about what is your approach going to be? What is your approach going to be. 

'cause a lot of what they talked to us about in terms of networking, the, the, the definitions online, someone who can help you progress in your career, someone who can help you do this. Great. Where are you going to find that person? How are you going to get that person to trust you? How are you going to get that person to believe in you? That they are willing to help you to progress in your career? 

Why would this person want to help you to progress in your career? Really, those are questions you need to answer. And so I'll share with you just a few tips. So I teach students every semester in higher learning. Or leaders in executive education. And a lot of people when you're finished a program, they'll reach out to you and say, thank you very much. I learned to this. 

And that's usually sort of bye-bye, we'll catch up with you next time. We're connected somehow. Few people go a step further to reach out. Sometime later and say, Hey. Do you know, when we talked about this, I'm just seeing the result of that. I'm actually really delighted that I learned this, that we had this conversation or something. 

A little bit later and even fewer will connect with you beyond that. Many years ago, I had a student I'm going to call him. John for this example. John was very, very scared of presenting. I was teaching a presentation course and John. Turned Crimson red. For doing this presentation really would do anything to avoid the presentation, but certainly didn't want to fail the program. 

And this was a mandatory course. John really, really struggled. I did sidebars with him to try to help him. I try to get him to go when he's ready. Not in a random order, that would cause him any anxiety. I try to be as accommodating as possible to support John. He hated it. He hated the idea of having to present his written work was outstanding, but every time he would go up for a presentation, he would flop. And I had seen his written work and I knew that he was outstanding. He just wasn't finding the courage to present. 

And so one day just before his presentation, I gave a quick overview of the ideas that was on his paper in front of me and said to the rest of the class, that this is a really strong student who has a brilliant ideas on paper and really is struggling to present. Give him a warm welcome and let him know we're anxious to hear these brilliant ideas. 

And he went up. And he presented the best he had ever. It wasn't really at the top. But he got through the presentation and God through the other couple of presentations and past discourse. 

About five years later, I received a message and it said, I want you to know that that one. Thing you did to let the class know that I was not all empty, that I had something in me. Really gave me a massive boost in my confidence. And that has made the difference in my career today. I want you to know that I'm a strong presenter presenting in front of hundreds of people right now. 

That is something that I'm sure he probably was just wanting to share it in a moment that he felt proud, but that feedback was a gift. Feedback like that is a gift you can give to people who you're looking for support from, because it means most people support you because it gives them satisfaction because it makes them feel good because they want to know that they're planting seeds that are growing and bearing fruit. 

The feedback that suggests that yes, the fruit, the plants are actually bearing fruit. That is a gift. That's a contribution. You don't have to be the person who coaches on presentations or does this, but that feedback is a gift. I teach a number of students, thousands of students over the years. And one of the things that I always think about is there are students who leave your program. 

And they'll reach out to say, this was beneficial. Thank you for this. Or they go forward and something comes up and th that's I really use this today and it was very beneficial. I made note of those things that helps me to know this is something I really need to emphasize in the subsequent program. I should share this example with a student who is struggling in that way, having a challenge and engaging with particular content. 

One of the things that I notice a lot is students will leave your program. And the only time I hear from them is when they want a reference letter. 

Hi, do you remember me? I was in your course in this year. I need a reference to do this and that. Could you please be my reference? Could I use your name as a reference? Could I use you as a reference? Actually? No, I prefer it not to be used. I prefer to know who I'm giving a reference to. I've preferred to be comfortable when I'm writing someone's reference. I prefer that it comes from my belly. 

Way down in my soul that I'm comfortable. Say in this, because I know who I'm giving the reference to. I have a relationship that authenticate this that makes me feel confident that what I am saying is the truth. And that the organization or person can rely on what I'm saying and that I'm not putting my own reputation or credibility at risk to write you a reference. 

So, no, I don't prefer that you've left the class. I don't really know you. And then you write, can I use you as a reference? No. This is an example of what we do with professionals. We only reach out to them when it's time to use them as a reference, use them to get through a door, use them to do something. 

Use them for some other reason. That's not what networking is. Networking is about cultivating, authentic relationships. Helping people grow, building people up. Sharon. Good feedback. Good comments. That's sufficient for support in someone. Forward in articles or emails or our content that relates to their field. That's something most of us can do. 

Following them, reading their work, sharing ideas with them. Those are the things that most of us can do. And so when we are in a network and relationship, it doesn't mean if the person. Makes millions and you don't make millions. You don't have to. Do the million dollar thing, but you can write a nice card to say how much you appreciate all their generosity. 

Okay, you can do something based on who you are based on your level to match up, not to match up in kind, but based on who you are and based on your resources and based on your capabilities. So networking is about bringing forth the best of you showcasing the best of you. And making sure that your relationship provide some degree of reciprocity. 

That's one great thing. When we talk about. Someone feeling comfortable and confident enough to underwrite. Something on your behalf to sign their name, to say yes. You can trust this person? Yes. You can hire this person. Yes. If you pick this person. It will be good for you. What have you done to make sure that that person knows you. 

The ultimate goal of networking, no matter how we frame it. It's not for you to know the person you're networking with it's for you to be known. To that person. If you know that person, it adds some value, some benefits, and you should know them. That's one side of the coin. I want to bring on board and emphasize the missing side of the coin in a lot of networking. 

Talk a lot of networking. Engagement it's just to know that. But not taking the time to be known by them. Both of these two sides, speak to each other. You need to know who your network and with who that person you're building the relationship with is, but equally. You need to be known to that person. That's the only way the person can seriously say yes to you or make a decision about whether or not they want to invest in this relationship with you. Or maybe this is not the place where that relationship is warranted and they should be considering somewhere else. 

So let's go back over these steps. Make sure to revisit your definition of networking. A lot of the definitions I have flaws in them because they suggest that you do it for utilitarian purposes, just for others to help you for you to leverage them for you to take from them. It focuses on what's in it for you. 

And forgets that there is another party and another human being. Who is on the other side. That person who you want to pour themselves out to make time for you to take away from their commitments in their family, to help you out to call in favors for you. Yes. Those cannot be people that we only leverage for our own benefits. So that's number one. 

Number two, open up your mindset. Change your mindset from making a million contacts to building a few authentic connections that go deep. Because you don't have time to build out millions of contacts and connections. Go deep. There is breath for some reasons, but depth has this great, great value. 

And depth is where you're going to get people to be willing to take the risk on you because they know you. So, like I shared the story instead of work in the room. 

 Instead of being in the club and trying to make sure you have everyone's contact information, pause, identify the cup of people you want to connect with. Spend time building those relationships don't work the I don't make everybody feel awful because they know that they don't really mean anything to you, but just another number. 

And then make sure you are investing in your relationship. Building up people as much as you're asking them to build you up. And finally remember. You need to know who they are. But they also need to know who you are. You need to know them and to be known by them. Think about networking as a coin. 

Which is all about reciprocity. One side for you, one side for the other person. And the balance is not based on equal. It's equitable. Given what you can best give. In order to receive what the other person can best offer. In Oprah's words. Being known by someone. Is showing up. At an event at a party and being asked. 

What is your name? Or who are you? That's when you know them. 

When they say, thanks for being here. That's when you are known by them. And that has to be the goal.  



 Thank you for listening to this episode of UpSkill Talks. We bring you new episodes every Monday. Please take a moment to subscribe, leave a five star rating and a written review at apple podcast. Or follow us on. By Google podcast or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts, don't forget to share UpSkill talks with other leaders like yourself.

So they too may gain the skills and insights to produce amazing results. Please go to UpSkillCommunity.com to review show notes and learn how you can join a community of leaders from across the globe. Collaborating to lead in a more meaningful and impactful way. I'm your host, Michel Shah. And again, thank you for joining me on this episode of UpSkill Talks.