106. Leadership 101: How To Include People In Conversations

Inclusivity is an essential part of leadership. 
But how do you ACTUALLY be inclusive in your day-to-day life, as a leader? 

In this episode, Michel shares 5 tips on how to help people feel included in social settings, particularly in conversations, to help them feel seen and heard. 

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• Inclusive Leadership
• Diversity, Equity & Inclusion
• Communication
• Soft Skills 
• Senior Leadership Training

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In this episode. We're talking about how you join a conversation that's already in progress. If you are a part of that conversation, how do you welcome someone into the conversation? Comfortably. And having them feel valued. Respected. And preparing them to be able to engage meaningfully. This is a challenge with many of our conversations, whether we go to a conference. Uh, holiday party. A corporate event at dinner party. And I want to share a story with you. That prompts me. To share this particular episode. Welcome to Upskill Talks, I'm your host, Michelle Shaw, Lead Upskiller at Upskill Community. Upskill Talks is a podcast for leaders. Leaders who are actively seeking innovative and creative ways to interact. Lead themselves and others in every episode through real life stories and enlightening conversations. We will explore the challenges and opportunities real leaders face in today's ever changing workplace. We will present you with real strategies for you to leverage your soft skills and produce transformative results. Thank you for joining me on this journey. Let us begin. About a year ago, myself and someone from a partner organization we're invited to a dinner event. There was a cocktail reception. Followed by dinner and a presentation. I arrived early while the reception was in progress. I registered. And started walking around. My goal is to connect with people there. While I'm waiting for my colleague. As I walked the long haul. Where the reception was, every circle was closed. There was no space in any group in for me to enter a conversation almost as if, as I walked towards those groups, they closed the, the circle to make sure, you know, don't come here, don't come there. And I took that long walk along that reception hallway. And found the bathroom and spent my time in there calling my colleague to see what time were you going to get here? That way I would have someone to speak to. That is what we don't want to happen to people who join us at a holiday reception, a conference or anything. And so I'm sharing the story with you because I made a decision that day because of how that felt that I would be so intentional about looking around to notice anyone coming near the circle. That I am in having the conversation and that I was always going to make sure that my circle was open and not closed. So someone could see a space as spot to enter. And I would be looking out actively to welcome that person in to invite that person in. And this past weekend. I had that opportunity. I was at an event, it was a reception with over 50 people. there were about four people at the event that I knew and I'm not very close to the people who I attended with either, but I have met them before. And I'm in the middle of a conversation with three new people. Talking about their backgrounds and what they're doing and how they're experiencing the event. And I notice one person standing off the corner and he's not part of any group. And so I open up the circle even more and face him and to make eye contact with him. And smile. So he knew that I was welcoming and he approached the area where we were. And I immediately welcomed him into the conversation. I introduced him to the three women I was speaking to. I told him who they were and I told him what we were talking about. And I asked him, what do you think about that? And he started to share his ideas right away. I. He was very happy, enthusiastic to be part of the conversation. And he brought such great value. So many good jokes and we had such a wonderful time. Just chatted with each other. After a while I left him with that group in and I went to join other groupings in the event. Much later that evening, he walked up to me as I stood checking my messages on my phone and he said, I want to let you know, I really appreciated how inclusive you were of me today. I was left out of conversations for such a long time. And you're the only person who noticed me. And you made me feel so welcome. You made me feel so good joining that conversation. You gave me the context. I knew what was happening so I could contribute to the conversation and it made me build an immediate bond with the women. And I was able to continue the conversation. Meaningfully, even after you had left. And he then said to me, is this something that you teach. In your business. And I said, you know what? I don't really think we have a specific course that really speaks to that. But then I thought this is an opportunity for me to share with our podcast listeners. This experience. And so I felt really good to know that I gave him a much better experience in this event than I had in the previous event. And I want to turn to you now and ask. Have you ever had an experience like either of those. When you are in the middle of a conversation. How do you open up? To make it evident that there is space in that conversation for someone else. How do you indicate that they are welcome? So here are a few tips for you. First. Wherever that person is acknowledge their presence. In acknowledging their presence is important for you to also be mindful of your own identity. For instance, if you have power associated with the role that you're representing, if you're like a senior leader in that space. If you are someone that's known in that space. It's even more important for you to pay attention to both your identity and positionality within the conversation. Because the more power you have, the less likely it is that someone may want to walk up to you. That may also be the opposite where most people want to walk up to you. So you just need to be mindful of how you're positioned within the context. Let's assume that the role you occupy is about the same as most people in the room. Therefore. Open up yourself. Show that inclusive body language. Create a natural pause. When the person is walking towards you, when the person comes near to the conversation, don't be going 100 miles an hour with your conversation as if you don't notice that person, that's a signal that there is no space. Things like a pause. Things like opening up your body things like making sure that the person sees your smile and so on. Those are indicators that there is space here. All the things like closing in the circle, avoiding eye contact. Speaking faster, just continuing, without even a look. Our indication that please keep moving. We you're not welcome here. So we want to make sure that we're conscious of what our body language, our nonverbal communication, what those messages are. Once we invite them in. To the conversation. I introduce them or ask them to introduce themselves or introduce yourself or introduce the people around you that you already know. And if you had not yet done an introduction, that could be a great time to say hi. I'm Michelle. Actually I was speaking to, and I haven't gotten a, your name yet. What's your name? Maybe this is a good time for us to introduce each other and then begin the introductions. That's a great way to sort of open up the space for everyone to enter or to feel like, yes, I'm settled in this space. Provide context. What were we talking about? And I want to place here a very important point, because maybe you were there talking in maybe a different language or a dialect of some sort, or maybe you're from a professional background where you are using a lot of acronyms or a lot of. Language, that's only specific to your atmosphere, your environment. This is an opportunity for you to break that down. So someone coming in who is not familiar with that language, The dialect, the acronyms, that way of speaking. Or those terms that you could break it down to give them a sense of, this is what we were talking about. So there are many ways that we can. Give access to the conversation. But then the conversation is not accessible. Making the conversation accessible means. Given them the context, breaking it down so that they are clear about what we're talking about and that they can contribute meaningfully. It also means asking directly for their input. So they don't feel like they're jumping in and taking over your conversation that they feel like I'm invited in. I am welcome here. Have you ever had this experience? Are you familiar with this? Is this your first time here? I direct question to the person, even if the conversation is not such that you're asking for their input into something. Maybe you're asking, is this your first time here? What part of town are you from? Did you fly in. Do something that speaks directly to that person. How are you enjoying the experience? Have you met anyone else here? Find a way to make sure there's a direct interaction that that person gets to enter the conversation. That's giving them access to the conversation. And once they're in the conversation, you want to make sure that you're facilitating their ability to. Basically not feel like what they're contributing is an add on to what was going on, but whatever they're talking about, if you're asking what part of town, where are you from? And they say, I came in from the east end. Then this is the time for you to say, oh, Interesting. Because Jean is from the west end. And, Brenda, it came in from the north and, Jennifer came in from out of town so that you bring them in and we've. Their story into the ongoing story that really helps someone. To feel welcome into the conversation. As well remember what you don't want to do at this point is start having a one-on-one with this person and ignoring everybody else that was already in the conversation. So it's really important that you weave this person in, so that. The conversation continues. So that you're not the only person that's inclusive of that person, but you are going to encourage inclusiveness across the conversation by facilitating. The strengths, addition into the conversation seamlessly. That may mean you doing more listening, more asking questions, more, making sure notes in the body language to see if everyone is. Continuing to interact at the same rate. And more than anything else. This is not the time for you to go. Excuse me. I've got to go. This is not the time for you to walk out. You need to just. Continue to ensure that this person. Lanza safely into the space before you exit. So creating that positive welcoming environment is really a good thing. And if you see that person later on check-in with them. How are you, how did it go? Just to make sure that person continues to have a good experience. Being inclusive. Even in the social space is really important for all of us. As I mentioned to you at the beginning. I am. Fairly. Outgoing, I'm comfortable to talk to strangers in a cocktail reception. I am the one that will go up and say, hi, I'm Michelle. So I had no issues interacting with others in that space. However, when you are entering a space and. Everyone is around in a circle. It's telling you this is a closed space. It signals. Uh, closure, keep it moving, go find you somewhere where there's space for you to enter. So I encourage you to pay attention to your formation when you're in social settings, that you leave space for others to enter the conversation. You may be wondering. What if I don't want to leave space? What if it's closed? The bottom line is that you are aware that you're intentional. That, this is what I wanted to be. I want to be closed, but that you are never confused. That a closed space is inclusive of others. But this information is to support you in understanding that opening up your space, opening up your body, making that eye contact, noticing the people in the room who are there with no one to speak to. These are ways that we can be inclusive for those who choose to be. And for those of us. Who are really. Keen to not have others have negative experiences We will look out a little bit more, and that is what I want to encourage you to have strategies, to support others, to enter the conversation, being mindful of who you are, and perhaps even the comfort with which you sit in that space and the opportunity that you've already had to interact with others gives you some leverage in onboarding someone else into that conversation. You've just helped someone feel better about themselves in that space. You've just helped someone have a better experience of that event, that conference, whatever it is. And that is something that you would like for yourself down the road. And so this is one way that we can be inclusive in conversations. As I said to you, what is really important in this conversation is making sure one that there is space and that's both physical space and that space where we communicate with our bodies that we're open or open by smiling by making eye contact. Hand gestures, or just the way our body is not turning our back to them, but more looking to them and using our eyes and so on to indicate that. You can come and there's nothing wrong with even using your hand to say, come on over. Hi, come on over. Or even going over and say, hi, how are you? I'm having a conversation here. Would you like to join us? Not everyone has the courage to walk over to you because it's so hard to walk all the way over and get blocked. A lot of people struggle with this. If you have the courage helps someone feel comfortable, helps someone feel welcome, help someone feel valued. That is the goal of us being inclusive leaders. And we practice this at home at work and abroad anywhere we go. For those of you who have the desire to be inclusive, please use these steps and these stories to support you as you move your journey forward. Thank you for listening to this episode of Upskill Talks we bring you new episodes every Monday. Please take a moment to subscribe, leave a five star rating, and a written review at Apple Podcasts. Or follow us on Spotify, Google Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts. Don't forget to share upskill talks with other leaders like yourself, so they too may gain the skills and insights to produce amazing results. Please go to upskillcommunity. com to review show notes and learn how you can join a community of leaders from across the globe. Collaborating to lead in a more meaningful and impactful way. I'm your host, Michelle Shaw. And again, thank you for joining me on this episode of Upskill Talks.