Empty Nest - How You Can Prepare NOW for THEN with Kate Battistelli

Kate Battistelli is the mother of the popular Christian Music Artist:

 Francesca Battistelli. In this episode, Kate and I had fun sharing our experiences as moms of Christian Music Artists. While unpacking ways moms can prepare for the day when their kids will launch into the world. 

Many of you have children who will soon graduate from high school and head out to college or on their own. Kate's insights will give you courage and inspiration to face this new season of life, the "Second Act" as Kate calls it.

And you will also learn how you can help your parents transition gently into their new roll as empty nesters. Give us a listen and comment or share with friends.

We'd love to hear from you!

 the author of The After Party of the Empty Nest: Mom is Not Your Only Name, the bestseller, The God Dare: Will You Choose to Believe the Impossible, and Growing Great Kids: Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child’s Life. She's a contributing writer to the (In)courage Bible for Women and The Spirt-Led Woman's Bible, and her writing has appeared in Guideposts, The Joyful Life magazine, The Better Mom, Mici magazine, and more. She is one-third of the popular Mom to Mom Podcast. In addition, she is an honoree with She Leads Tennessee.

As a young actress in New York City, Kate had a life-changing experience, going from understudy to starring as Anna in the Broadway National Tour of The King and I opposite Yul Brynner for more than 1,000 performances. Kate and her husband laid down their careers in the Broadway theatre in answer to their first “God Dare”, moving out of New York City and into a life of homeschooling and home business. She lives in Franklin, TN, near her daughter Francesca and seven grandchildren. Kate serves women by encouraging them to step out of their safe space and into His irresistible future.

Books Mentioned: 

The After Party of the Empty Nest by Kate Battistelli

Thank you for joining us. Please SUBSCRIBE & SHARE
Sign up for Rhonda's Monthly Newsletter @ NoRegretsWoman.com
CONNECT with Rhonda @RhondaStoppe
Facebook Page: Rhonda Stoppe No Regrets Woman
NoRegretsWoman.com

"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:00]:
Friends, I am so excited to welcome you to this new episode of Old Ladies Know Stuff podcast with Rhonda Stoppi and Friends. And today, I have a new friend that I cannot wait to introduce you to. Her Her name is Kate Battistelli, and Kate has written an incredible book called The After Party of the Empty Nest. Kate is the author of the book, The After Party of the Empty Nest. She's also, let's see, the bestseller of the of the God Dare, Will You Choose to Believe the Impossible, and Growing Great Kids Partner with God to Cultivate His Purpose in Your Child's Life. She's a contributing writer to the Encourage Bible for Women, the spirit led women's Bible, and her writing has appeared in Guidepost, The Joyful Life Magazine, Better The Better Mom, Miesi, m I c I, I don't know what that is, magazine, and more. She's one third of the popular podcast, Mom to Mom. In addition, Kate is an honoree with She Leads Tennessee.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:05]:
Now this is interesting about Kate's life. As a young actress in New York City, Kate had a life changing experience going from understudy to starring as Anna in the Broadway national tour of The King and I, opposite Yul Brynner. Now if you're young, you're going, Yul who? But, Google it. Watch the, the movie of The King and I with Yul Brynner. It's just awesome, and I cannot believe she got to tour with him for more than 1,000 performances. Kate and her husband laid down their careers in Broadway theater in an answer to their first god dare, Moving out of New York City and into a life of homeschooling and home business, she lives in Franklin, Tennessee near her daughter, Franchesca Battistelli. Some of you know her as the, Christian artist. I love her music, and seven grandchildren.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:57]:
Kate serves women by encouraging them to step out of their safe space and into his irresistible future. I love that. Welcome, Kate. I'm gonna bring you on stage. So happy to have you here. Thank you, Rhonda.

Kate Battistelli [00:02:12]:
I love being I love the name of your podcast.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:15]:
Isn't it fun? Yes. We do.

Kate Battistelli [00:02:17]:
We've lived long enough. We better know stuff.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:20]:
That's right. Titus two calls the older women to teach the younger, and this the old ladies know stuff is a nod to that Titus two woman. So so happy to have you on here. And I forget, how long have you been married? Forty years? Is that what it what I'm Forty.

Kate Battistelli [00:02:32]:
It'll be 42 in July, which she had just been how is that possible? Yeah. We're grateful. Mhmm. That's crazy. But yeah. Forty two years.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:40]:
And do you have more children than Franchesca, or is she your only child?

Kate Battistelli [00:02:43]:
Is it only.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:44]:
And she gave you seven grandbabies? Okay. You are lucky.

Kate Battistelli [00:02:47]:
Crazy. And I wanted a big family. I wanted five kids, and God said one. But I'm getting it. You know? Yes. Generation. That's fine with me.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:55]:
No. That is so fun. I have 15 grandchildren, and they are so much fun. So my nest is empty, but oftentimes, the they come flooding. Yeah. Right. In fact, if you could look over my computer and see the chaos behind because we just had a big slumber party with 13 of them, that's just my life and I love it. I don't even care.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:13]:
Alright. Well, I would love for us to jump in here. But before we do, I wanna make sure everyone knows where they can find you. So your website is I have katebaddestelli. How do is it baddestelli? Baddestelli?

Kate Battistelli [00:03:28]:
Baddestelli. Yeah. You said it right.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:30]:
Yeah. Katebaddestelli.com is your website. And I've been on there kinda tinkering around this morning just seeing what I can learn about you. And there's just so many resources, and there's just so much encouragement on your website. So we'll remind everyone about this in the end, but always wanna make sure it's out there at the very beginning. And you have a lot of books and a lot of resources, but the one we're gonna talk about today is the after party of the empty nest. So what prompted you to write this book?

Kate Battistelli [00:04:00]:
Well, when I hit my empty nest, it I had never planned for it. We had an only child and, you know, she was going into the music world and we were doing everything we could just to help her navigate that because it's, I mean, it's it's a crazy world and that Christian music. Christian music and just, you know, helping as doors would open. We were so focused on that that I never thought about the time she'd be gone and that my house would be empty. And, you know, you just that my mistake was I never planned for it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:32]:
Right.

Kate Battistelli [00:04:32]:
And it hit me like a ton of bricks, and I thought, well, now what, god? This this is what you get, you know, eighteen years or twenty years and they're gone. And it it was I don't know, it just was this empty place and I didn't know what to do

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:45]:
with it, but It's a strange, it's a strange kind of grief, isn't it? It's very

Kate Battistelli [00:04:50]:
strange. And no one really tells you how hard it's going to be.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:54]:
As much

Kate Battistelli [00:04:54]:
as you're thinking about it or anticipating it, even if you're anticipating, I'm, I'm ready for my kids to leave. Because there are a lot of moms that they've got their sights set on the next phase, you know, the second act.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:07]:
But a

Kate Battistelli [00:05:07]:
lot of moms don't and you just don't know how heavy it can be. And we're all going to go through that to an extent, but it's when we get stuck there. We get stuck and moms will tell me, I've been in my kids have been gone for three years. I'm thinking, well, three years. You need to get up and get into the second half of your life. And I call

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:27]:
it Get a dog. Get a dog.

Kate Battistelli [00:05:30]:
I call it an after party because it can be wonderful. I mean, the things that I'm doing now, I never in a million years thought I would be doing. I didn't ever think I'm gonna write a book. It was not on my radar. I had no desire to do it till God literally dared me to write my first book.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:47]:
I'm right there with you. Yes. I would my kids are all gone. And I was like, Lord, I don't wanna do this.

Kate Battistelli [00:05:52]:
No. I didn't wanna do it at all, but God said you're doing it. And and I did. And that I actually back then, I started volunteering, which I always suggest if you're a new empty nester, get out and do something for somebody else. So I was volunteering at a, a single mom's ministry, made some great friends. We were really able to help these moms. And then I started a little food blog because I love to cook. Frannie loves to cook.

Kate Battistelli [00:06:18]:
And I thought, well, she's in Nashville. I've gotta have I've gotta get her my recipes. So I had this food blog called the Kitchen Princess, which is so lame, but, you know, back back when blogging just started. Anyway, I had this and I thought, well, I wanna write about Jesus too. So I wrote some posts and it just hit me one day about the empty nest and I thought, this is like an after party. So I wrote a blog post called motherhood the after party. And all about, you know, just how it can be so much more if you put yourself out there, if you pray, dig deep with God, find out what is that other thing. You're called as a mother, but you're called back for a season.

Kate Battistelli [00:06:58]:
You know, you're always mom, but you're not in that raise actively raising kids season forever. That's over. And then what are you gonna do next? You've got probably a good forty years ahead of you, forty to fifty years. Mhmm. Well, with all that time, you're gonna sit home and watch Netflix? You know, you can't we've got to have something else. We've gotta find out, lord, what is that other thing you called me to from the foundation of the world? What is that thing? What am I on this what's my purpose to build the kingdom? Because I think we forget that that has to be the driving force behind whatever we do. How are we impacting the world for the kingdom, large or small? You know, it can be a big ministry, something gigantic the Lord's called you to, or it can be ministering in the Alzheimer's unit in hospital. You know? Taking care of the kids during church, doing God doesn't look at the size of what we do.

Kate Battistelli [00:07:53]:
He looks at the obedience. Are we doing what he's called us to do? Whatever it is. Because whatever it is can change the world if we choose to say yes. I I like to say if we choose to be chosen to change the world, we have to choose it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:09]:
Yeah. And what's kind of interesting when you're a empty nester, like, I can remember being on a a young mom's podcast, and I said, I know you're tired, I know you're exhausted, you're up late at night, the babies are sick, this and that, you're exhausted. You you know, you wake up to them opening your eyes for you, all the things. And I said, but that this is a season. And I said, you know where I'm at right now? I sleep until I wake up. And she went,

Kate Battistelli [00:08:33]:
oh my goodness. Isn't that great?

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:37]:
What we do when we have this empty nest, we can either spend the rest of our lives lamenting that that now they're not calling and they don't reach out to us and, you know, they're not texting us as much as we'd like or I've texted them five times and they still haven't responded and they're so busy they don't have time for me. And you can get so stuck in that regret. I'm the no regrets woman, and let's help you build a no regret, you know, after party. I love that. But I'd love for you real quick to and it's just maybe think about it for a second. To speak to I have a lot of young moms. Mhmm. Or moms that have, you know, my my most popular book, Moms Raising Sons to be Men, and it talks about the launching them out into the world at some point.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:19]:
And some of them have their kids that are young or they're looking at their junior higher. And when they're in junior high, they're, like, counting the days, like, when when do you move out? And then they hit, like, junior senior year and you like them again and you're like, don't go. But but maybe speak to those moms that are saying, oh, what she's talking about is so far out there in my spectrum, I can't even connect the dots. What are some things that we can do even as moms, homeschooling moms? I know you're you move a lot in the homeschool community, so do I. We make our kids our life. And when they walk out the door, like, speak to that mom.

Kate Battistelli [00:09:55]:
Yeah. That's what I did. Well, I I say I talk about in the book, start preparing now for then so it doesn't smack you in the face. So that you've got something already on your radar. Pray, ask the Lord what is that thing that you're supposed to be moving into? Maybe he's calling you to go back to college. Okay. You can't do that now, but you can start taking a class. There's something you can do to because whatever you start now, a year from now, you'll be further ahead.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:22]:
Mhmm.

Kate Battistelli [00:10:23]:
What is that thing maybe that has haunted you from high school that you knew you've always known you're supposed to do, but it wasn't the season? When you're raising kids, a lot of times you can't go off and do something else. What is that thing that you can start figuring out? There's so many resources today that we didn't have or that I didn't have. There was no internet. There was no YouTube. There was none of that. Today, it's just this giant world of resources for a mom. So think about what, what, what do you think you'd want to do? You know, where do you think God's calling you? And start digging into that. I mean, prayer is the answer to almost anything.

Kate Battistelli [00:11:01]:
And he might not show you right away. He didn't show me. It was a couple years after that I started writing books and doing all this stuff. So, but as best you can, or look back at maybe a hobby or something you'd love to do that maybe you thought, man, I wanna turn that into a business.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:17]:
Yeah. Okay.

Kate Battistelli [00:11:18]:
Well, you need to start researching how to start a small business. You know what I'm saying? You have to we have to begin somewhere and wherever you can fit it in in your day. I like to say do it in the margins. You know, that hour where you have that time where the kids are all, you know, gone for the day or whatever, where you can sit at your computer or sit down. Or maybe you wanna be a writer. Start writing. Take an hour a day. An hour a day at the end of the year, that's three hundred sixty five hours.

Kate Battistelli [00:11:45]:
You and I know it. It takes a long time to write a book, but you'd be real far ahead if you started now. Look up about the publishing or self publishing. Any of those things, you can do now. So that's my best advice to don't wait till six months before they're gone and start thinking, oh my gosh, I'm gonna be miserable. You're gonna be it's gonna be hard for a while, but that does not last forever if we decide we're not gonna sit there.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:11]:
Yes. And I love that you mentioned earlier that God saved us into good works. He ordained in advance that we should walk in them, Ephesians two ten. And and what I love about knowing that is, you know, even the Proverbs 31 woman, like, that woman, her her resume is like, what the what? But she did that for a lifetime. She didn't do that all at the same time. And and that's where we find ourselves is as we just wake up every day, seek his face, walk in obedience to him. I just was looking up a scripture while you were talking that came to mind. Isaiah thirty twenty one.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:43]:
And your ears shall hear a word behind you saying, this is the way walk in it. When you turn to the right or when you turn to the left, that's the God we serve. He doesn't give us charts and graphs of what's gonna happen next on our list. He wants us to have a faith walk, and he wants us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, author and finisher of our faith, not on what's the next thing and and how I mean, if you're a control freak, if you're a a manipulator of circumstances, you know, the Bible says to be still and know that he is God. That word be still means the letting down of hands. Just just be still in his presence. And then make friends outside of your world, you know, in your little bubble. Make couple friends if you're married with you and your spouse.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:27]:
I have friends that we have been we've nursed our babies together, and now we're we've nursed our our dying parents together, and now we're burying our parents. And now my friends are even burying their spouses. And we have had friendships and like you said, Internet, we can stay in contact even when we lived in Austin, Texas for six years and we were planting a church there. We were still in contact with each other. And as your nest is empty, you look more forward to those times with friends that are walking through the same same experience you are. So I love that. I just wanted to make sure we touched on that. So when you understand this transition, can you explain any emotional challenges that moms face? And, why can this period be so difficult for them? And what are some common signs that moms might be struggling with empty nest syndrome?

Kate Battistelli [00:14:15]:
Yeah. I think fear is one of the biggest ones because you're suddenly feeling, do I have a purpose? Is what is there for me? Am I still relevant? You know, all those things that we think we were so fully mom, that was our full identity. Well, now that's gone for the most part. Now who am I? That's one of the biggest things and fear about the next thing. Is God gonna show me? Am I gonna know it when he tells me? All those things, those are those are big. That's probably the biggest. That one and loneliness, those are hard to overcome. But like you said, get with your people.

Kate Battistelli [00:14:52]:
Find the ones that you can spend time with. And the the good thing about the empty nest, you've got a lot more time. You're not the chauffeur. You're not the the cook. You're not doing all those things anymore. You're not the organizer and the planner. You get to have free time. If you're not if you're a working mom, it's a little different, but still you have more free time at night and on the weekends because you're not taking kids around.

Kate Battistelli [00:15:14]:
You're not dealing with all of that. But to have that time to just enjoy life, enjoy your husband, go back and do that hobby or that sport or that craft, you know? Yeah. Get back and do gardening. Whatever it is, you have that freedom now to do that. And you have more money to go out to eat. I was telling somebody this week, recently took six of our seven grandchildren to Chick fil A. It cost a hundred dollars. Oh, oh, oh, my word.

Kate Battistelli [00:15:42]:
And if you've had a big family and all of a sudden they're gone, it's like, oh, we can go out to eat ourselves, and we can probably go to a nicer restaurant. So things like that that are those are the positives of the emptiness. There's so many good things about it. Once you get past the loneliness, once you get past missing that empty seat at the dinner table, because that will bother you for a while, then it's it's going to be your new normal.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:05]:
Yep. Yeah. And and I think that that you touched on that is allowing yourself the time to grieve. It is it is so sad, and I did not write my first book until I remember driving down. We live in a mountain in the middle of nowhere. I was driving to town on the last day of the last year of my last child's school. She was a senior in high school. She was graduating, and that was it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:27]:
And she was gonna go away to college. All my kids were were away at school or in the military. And I remember just crying and saying, lord, what now? What next? And and when he impressed on my heart to write a book, I'm like, I am not a writer. I don't wanna do that. I think of something else because I I don't think I don't think I heard you right. It dragged me through an open door. I'm not pushing the doors open. And even when I was going through this what next experience and my heart was grieving, I had to allow myself to be sad and and and not to pretend like it didn't hurt.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:58]:
And I I had a golden retriever dog. They are so, so sensitive. What's going on with you? And my golden retriever never left my side. He sat at my feet. He hung out with me. He knew that mama was sad, and I gotta tell you, that was just a joy to find this enjoyment in having a dog that sensed my sorrow. And there's nothing wrong with us when we go through that sorrow. The emptiness syndrome that you were talking about is when we get stuck there, when we feel resentment because our kids aren't reaching out to us, or we feel wounded that, you know, I gave you eighteen, twenty years of my life and you won't even call me.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:33]:
They're not gonna call you. It's they're busy.

Kate Battistelli [00:17:37]:
No. It's like that's with our moms. I didn't call my mom all the time.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:40]:
Right.

Kate Battistelli [00:17:41]:
You know, I was busy doing my thing, and and we we weren't especially close. So it was maybe a little different. But even if you're close, you can't expect them to make you the focal point of their life anymore because you're not. They're if they're in college, they're doing that thing. If they're married, having their own kids, they're busy. You know? They're gonna give you the time you need, but not always the time you want. Yeah. So it's we we have to let go.

Kate Battistelli [00:18:07]:
We have to let go of that of that what's the word? Well, I guess of that need to have them with us all the time or to have that constant communication. And there are some kids that can't let go of us, and it's incumbent on us to help help them cut that cord. They're the ones texting us five times a day. And it's like, you need to you need to be independent. You've got to go out and live your life. So it can go both ways, but typically it's us texting

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:36]:
them. Yes. Right. Yeah. Yeah. For sure. And I, I love your insight because I feel like, like you said, it this comes upon us sooner than we can even expect. And for some of my audience, I spoke at, a grandparenting summit, 8,000 people.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:50]:
So I know I have a lot of new viewers from you guys, so this this episode's for you. But honestly, when you know, like, your nest is empty and like you pointed out, you're you have you may not be wealthy, maybe you're on a fixed income now and so your money isn't as what it was, But be generous with what you do have. Be generous with your time. Whenever my kids ask me to babysit those grandkids, I say yes unless I am traveling and cannot be there. Be generous. And I remember going shopping with my mom when I was in the thick of it, and we my husband was a pastor of a small church. We had no money. And I went to Arizona to stay with her to help her move into her new house, and she had plenty of money.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:27]:
And we went shopping, and she had her cart just stacked full of stuff. And I think I bought one top, one shirt. But it and my mom my mom was a teenager when she had me. She was 17 years old. It just never be mastermind. And I literally was like, wouldn't it be nice if my mom bought the shirt for me? Is what I was thinking. And how much more we can lavish on ourselves because we're not buying new school clothes or new tennis shoes or what. But what if you didn't? What if you lavished it on your adult children that are making sacrifices for their kids? Now you buy them a new cute top, or you buy them a coffee or a coffee gift card or whatever.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:07]:
Generosity in this season, that's I I would say that's the highlight of my empty nest experiences that I get to have generosity with my time and with my resources. I love that.

Kate Battistelli [00:20:17]:
Oh, it's wonderful.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:19]:
So fun. So open communication, we talked about that during the transition. Can you think of some effective ways to even initiate those conversations with our children that, you know, or the support that we need during this transition? Like, how do you you feel like you're the only person the lame person going through this. Right.

Kate Battistelli [00:20:39]:
Yeah. I well, I mean, I think they're gonna know that you're having a hard time and hopefully, they will have empathy, you know, and they'll help you get through it. But you also want them to see that you're handling it well, that you're not in misery and just waiting for them to call. They've gotta see that you're strong, that you can do this, that God is with you, that you're you're living out what you taught them, that they're strong, they can change the world. All those things you poured into them, let them see that coming out of you, if that makes sense. We have to we've gotta do our best, and that's why getting in and jumping in and starting to do something, whatever that thing is that God's calling you to do. And even if you don't sense yet, this is my purpose. Get out and volunteer.

Kate Battistelli [00:21:26]:
Find a younger woman to mentor. Get with those other empty nest moms and you can commiserate and talk about stuff, but you're gonna get ideas and information and things from them that maybe you hadn't realized. But I think just keep that communication open with your kids. There's not a whole lot they can do for you other than talk to you and help you feel better about the day, but we can't depend on them for that.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:21:50]:
Yeah. Well and if you burden them with that, they don't wanna call.

Kate Battistelli [00:21:54]:
No. They don't. It's like,

Rhonda Stoppe [00:21:56]:
if you if the first thing you say, well, it's been three weeks since I've heard from you, that doesn't make them wanna call you again. It's like They just wanna come home

Kate Battistelli [00:22:03]:
at Christmas.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:22:04]:
Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And honestly, let's talk about that. Because if your kids are reluctant to come home for the holidays, bring their spouse home, bring their kids home, make sure this is on you, that they're not having to tell their family. Okay. We're gonna go see nana.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:22:22]:
We're gonna go you know, you're telling their spouse. We're gonna go see my mom. These are the things that trigger her. Don't talk about politics. Don't, you know, leave the hand towel on the floor. Don't wear dirty shoes in the house. Don't break anything because she'll lose her ever loving mind. If if if they're having to walk on eggshells around you, they're not going to want to come.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:22:43]:
They may give you the, required visit because a good child does that for their parent. But what if you're not that person? What if you make your home so welcoming? I mean, I always say people over possessions. My stuff is just stuff. And if it's so valuable that I don't want my grandkids, 15 of them, to break and my grandkids are pretty young, and they take over my house and I just let them have it, and they have a blast. But if I have stuff out that I don't want them to break, it doesn't mean I don't have nice things out here and there, but I have to know if it gets broken, it's not going to destroy me. And I don't want to destroy a child over a broken trinket. So people over possessions has always been my mantra.

Kate Battistelli [00:23:24]:
Absolutely. And hospitality. Like you said, opening your home, being welcoming them. I always have favorite things the kids want. Mimi, you're gonna make this. Right? You're gonna have this. And they love that. They know that there are certain traditions, certain things they count on.

Kate Battistelli [00:23:38]:
I'm sure when they come to your house, they know there are gonna be certain things that are gonna happen, that they'll get to eat, that you're gonna play with them, and that's that's a joy. I mean, that's a wonderful thing. And for our kids to see us loving their kids, that's super important. And just the joy, if you are privileged to be a grandparent, not all empty nest moms are gonna have that, but for those of us for those of you that are, it's that's a blessing you really didn't expect. You know, you didn't know exactly what that would be. My husband always says, I didn't know my heart could grow that much bigger. You know, because it's is it the Norwegians that say grandchildren are life's dessert? Oh, what? Isn't that great? Because that's what it is. It's like, because you don't have to deal with all the messy stuff, mostly, unless you're babysitting, but you get to have fun and Christmas, I mean, we go crazy at Christmas.

Kate Battistelli [00:24:31]:
They have the best time and that's, that's a joy for us to be able to do that.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:24:36]:
It is. And and for just a half a second, it's it's not in what we were gonna talk about, but talk to the empty nester who is is single. Either her you know, how many empty nesters their marriage falls apart when the kids move out. And there she is at home. Her husband has now, you know, left for a 20 year old or he's just said, hey. I don't even know you anymore. I'm out of here. That happens.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:24:56]:
And if you're young and you're listening, your priority relationship with Christ and then with your spouse is you've got to be your husband's friend. Old ladies know stuff. Teach the older women, teach the younger to love your husbands, to be his friend. You want him to wanna hang out with you in the empty nest? Be his friend now. Absolutely. Speak to a woman who's widowed or who has found herself completely alone.

Kate Battistelli [00:25:20]:
That that is super hard. I have a chapter on single moms in the book because they're when their kids are gone, they're doubly alone. There's nobody to turn to, nobody to be with and it's hard. And they, more than anything, have got to find community. You've gotta get out there and meet people, do things, volunteer, join something, join a Bible study, something at your church, but press into other people because it it's hard to be alone. I mean, I now I've not had to go through that with being married forty almost forty two years, but I know a lot of women that are single. And it's tough, you know? It's tough because if your husband and especially with when the nest empties, it can be tough on marriage because you've been so focused on the kids that all of a sudden, who is this guy? Do I like him anymore? Do I wanna spend time with him? So what you said, now press into that relationship. Take a date night every week.

Kate Battistelli [00:26:16]:
I have a whole list of ideas for date nights. And even if you don't have much money, well, swap with another couple. You watch your kids one week, they watch your kids. There's a zillion ways you can spend that time, but that is a priority because they were there before the kids, they're gonna be there after the kids. But there's, there's a whole phenomenon called gray divorce where that's exactly what happens and it's, I think it's mostly motivated because they didn't make that relationship a priority. They didn't love their husbands the way the Titus two woman is supposed to teach the younger to love their husbands.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:26:51]:
Yeah. And, and that, if you're young and you're hanging with us, talking about this empty nest thing, let this be the nugget that you walk away with. You are you're raising your son for somebody else. He's gonna be somebody else's husband. You're not raising him to be yours for the rest of his life, sending him out well. Your daughter's sending them out well. But remember, the priority relationship if you're married is to pour into that relationship now. I meet homeschool I speak at homeschool conventions.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:27:18]:
I think you probably do too. You meet homeschool moms. I've literally had them say to me, my husband understands it's not about us right now. It's about the kids. When the kids are grown, when I'm no longer homeschooling, then it will be our time. That is absolutely wrong. Right? It I mean, it's gonna it's gonna bite you. It's it's a it's not how the the priority relationship that God has for us, and that will not equip you for your empty nest.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:27:44]:
So creating new traditions you just kinda talked about. So the long term perspective. Lastly, Kate, what long term benefits can come from navigating the empty nest phase together, and how can daughters and moms and mothers in law, moms and sons, emerge from this experience with a stronger relationship?

Kate Battistelli [00:28:04]:
I think if you pay attention to what's important to them and they pay attention to what's important to you, you know, if they're if you're involved to the degree they want you to be, because we can get pushy, you know, we can say, well, I wanna come and do this and they're they don't want you to be and they don't wanna tell you, so they allow you to. And like you said, they don't wanna come home for Christmas. It's like, oh gosh. We gotta go deal with this. But I think if you give them space and be excited about what they're doing, but not being too controlling of it. We have to let that go because they're not under a roof anymore. We don't have that right to control them. Unless they're asking for help or advice, I don't say anything because it's not my place.

Kate Battistelli [00:28:48]:
But the say and by the same token, we want them to be recognizing and acknowledging what we're doing, that new thing that we're doing, and to support us in that. I think it's really kind of a mutual support where they are in life and where we are. If we can support each other, love each other, pray for each other, that's gonna make the difference.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:29:07]:
Yeah. And and honestly, that Moses on the mountain top interceding for them. I remember when my son had gone away to college and he called me, like, three times in one day about FAFSA loans, all that stuff. And I every time he calls, I said, what are you doing? I said, I'm actually just sitting in front of the fire, reading my Bible and praying today. Just trying to get my heart back where it needs to be in a good spot. And then he called in. What are you doing? I'm still sitting in front of the fire, reading my Bible, praying. Third time, mom, what are you doing? I go, my attitude still hasn't changed, so here I sit.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:29:36]:
And he said, mama, you have no idea what it means to me to know that you are sitting in your chair, in front of that wood stove, reading your Bible and praying for us. It gives us such security. That that our we have our role changes. It is a role of cheering them on and, you know, advising when they ask and being that prayer warrior. I absolutely love that perspective. Do you have any final things you'd like to share?

Kate Battistelli [00:30:02]:
I would say to the woman maybe who's approaching the empty nest or maybe in it and miserable, this is your chance to really press into the Lord, find out what is that thing you are on this planet to do. Because we need whatever that is. You're part of the body. We we need your gift, your skill, your work. Whatever God's calling you to do, we need it. We're in a crazy time in history. Think about when God saved us to put us on this planet at the end times, I believe. And here we are.

Kate Battistelli [00:30:33]:
I think it's a huge honor that he saved us to the end. You know? As crazy as this world is and as difficult it can be to navigate, what an honor. And we're here to build the kingdom. We're here to do something. And if that makes you feel guilty, that's good. Because I want you to know that you have to get out and get up and do that thing. Find out. Pray.

Kate Battistelli [00:30:55]:
Get counselors. Get mature Christians to pray with you and for you. And you're gonna know, and then step out and do it. Don't be afraid.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:31:03]:
I love that. That's such great advice. Okay. Well, there's so much more we could talk about, but please visit Kate Battistelli's website, katebattistelli.com. You will find all of her resources there, all of her books. You can schedule her to speak, have her on your podcast. The mom to mom podcast, you can find a link to episodes of that there. And her her book, The After Party of the Empty Nest.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:31:30]:
If you're not there yet, your mom might be. And maybe it's a book you could buy for your mom. Mother's Day is coming up. It might be a really encouraging gift to give to your mom with some flowers or chocolate and say, hey. I listen to this podcast called Old Ladies Know Stuff, and there were a couple old ladies on there that I think you would learn so much from this book written by Kate Battistelli called The After Party of the Empty Nest. Thanks so much for being my guest. I have so enjoyed visiting with you.

Kate Battistelli [00:32:01]:
Thank you, Rhonda. This was great. Thanks, Kate.