💛 When Mother's Day Is Complicated: Hope for Women Who Had a Hard Mom

Mother's Day is beautiful for many women.

But for some of you — it's complicated.

Maybe you grew up with a mom who was harsh. Critical. Absent. Selfish. Or just simply not what you needed her to be. And every Mother's Day, while the world celebrates with flowers and brunch and sentimental cards — something inside you quietly aches.

This episode is for you.

Rhonda Stoppe takes us straight to one of the most disturbing mother-daughter stories in all of Scripture.

Herodias.

You may know her as the woman who demanded John the Baptist's head on a platter.

But what you may not have considered is this —

She didn't carry that platter herself.

She sent her daughter to do it.

Herodias was so consumed by her own bitterness, her own need for revenge, her own undealt-with sin — that she used her daughter Salome as a weapon. And in doing so, she robbed that girl of half a kingdom — and trained her to become just as vile as she was.

It is one of the saddest mom stories in the entire Bible.

And Rhonda refuses to leave you there.

Because here is the truth that this episode builds to — the truth that Rhonda has watched transform women across decades of ministry:

Having a bad mom does not mean you have to become one.

In Christ — you can be the thread that changes everything in your family line. The one who says, the cycle ends with me.The one who chooses forgiveness — not because the pain wasn't real, not because what happened to you was okay — but because forgiveness is the first step to freedom.

And freedom, friend, is exactly what God has for you.

In this powerful episode you will discover:

• The shocking story of Herodias and what her revenge truly cost her daughter
• Why confronting sin in love is one of the most caring things you can do — and how to do it well
• The truth about sexual immorality that every mom needs to speak boldly into her children's lives
• Why walking in purity positions your children to make the most important decisions of their lives led by the Spirit of God
• How to forgive a mother who was harsh, abusive, or negligent — and why your freedom depends on it
• The liberating truth that in Christ you are a new creation — fully equipped to break free from whatever you were raised with

Whether you had a wonderful mom or a heartbreaking one — whether you are carrying wounds you have never spoken out loud or patterns you are terrified of repeating — this episode will meet you with grace, truth, and the hope that only comes from Jesus.

Because in Him — your story does not have to look like hers.

📚 Featured Book: Moms of the Bible: Life-Changing Lessons from the Fearless, Flawed and Faithful by Rhonda Stoppe

🎙️ Find all Moms of the Bible chapter teachings FREE on Rhonda's YouTube Channel

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Mother's Day is beautiful for many women.

But for some of you — it's complicated.

Maybe you grew up with a mom who was harsh. Critical. Absent. Selfish. Or just simply not what you needed her to be. And every Mother's Day, while the world celebrates with flowers and brunch and sentimental cards — something inside you quietly aches.

This episode is for you...

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:01]:
Hi, friend. I'm so excited that you're sticking with me through Moms of the Bible. We're already on chapter five. This is the second section of the book. It's written in three sections. So we had the first one was the Fearless Moms, and now we're doing the Flawed Moms. This one was a hard one to write. Some of them were kind of painful, but also unpacking these brought me so much joy, and I hope it encouraged you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:27]:
The first chapter with. What was chapter five? We're talking about Herodias. Revenge that leads to regret. Imagine this. Herodias is the mom of her daughter who is dancing. Salome. She's dancing for the king. And as she's dancing, at the end of her dance, the final crescendo of the music.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:47]:
As she's there, everyone begins to applaud. Everyone's cheering her on. She's holding her final pose with a smile on her lips. I wonder if she was wondering if Herod thought it was a good dance. But he loved it. He was proud of her. And he was not technically. He wasn't her father.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:05]:
He was her uncle, because her biological father was his half brother, Herod Philip, another son of Herod the Great. Herod. King Herod Antipas was pleased with the crowd's acceptance of his daughter. And so to show his pleasure, he said in Mark 6:22 to 23, whatever you ask of me, I will give it to you up to half the kingdom. Half the kingdom. Wow. So what does she do immediately? She runs to her mother. She runs to Herodias to say, mom, what should I ask for? Can you imagine half the kingdom? She could have asked for a new chariot.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:41]:
She could have asked for a home. She could have asked for, I don't know. What does her mom tell her to ask for this sinister woman? Ask for John that Baptist's head on a platter. Whoa. This woman hated John the Baptist so much. He was imprisoned because he had questioned her for leaving her husband to marry King Herod Antipas. And he had questioned her and said how wrong it was, and she was angry. Her sin, had she been called on her sin? Have you ever called someone on their sin and they have turned on you and become so venomous and so awful years? Maybe you've been there.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:25]:
Can you imagine Herodia's anger and contempt for John the Baptist that she would take away her daughter's opportunity to have half the kingdom to say, go ask for the head of John the Baptist on a platter so her daughter does It Salome asks for that. I can't imagine what kind of a woman Salome was that she was okay with asking for that. And then they bring it to her and she immediately takes it and gives it to her mother. What a horrible mom. This whole chapter is about a flawed mom. It's also about a horrible mom caring enough to confront. I want to talk about that for a minute. When you confront someone, it's a good idea to prayerfully consider your words.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:06]:
Just like John the Baptist confronted Herodias and Herod. When God asks us to confront, ask him to give you love in your words as you do that. But it's caring enough about someone to confront them of their sin. If you're a mom and your child is in sin, you want to confront them in a way that is caring and loving, not condemning. You want to tell them, I see that you're gossiping about your friends. Do you realize that when you do that, it dishonors the Lord if you call yourself a Christian, Your words are dishonoring Christ and people will not want to know your Savior if you are such a hypocrite. It's heart wrenching when you watch someone you love refuse godly counsel that would prevent them from continuing down a self destructive path. Oh, it's so heart wrenching.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:00]:
But it's even more agonizing when someone that you trust turns against you and are unloving or unkind. Confronting a sexual immorality. It's not easy, especially in today's permissive culture. The more sexual perversion this culture embraces, the more tempted parents are to rationalize. Well, at least they're only having sex with each other and not sleeping around with a lot of people. Or at least they're engaged and they're going to get married or they're not doing all that perverted stuff that's out there. We have to speak up. We cannot remain silent out of fear of being canceled or unfriended.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:36]:
Some believers are holding their tongues when someone they love is engaged in immorality. The Apostle Paul is our first example that we can look at of how to urge believers toward purity. Paul wrote a strong letter of rebuke and correction in First Corinthians 5. 1. Sometimes a person who is in sin is more willing to listen to someone that they don't know. Sometimes you might be the person. When I speak at a cup, at a conference, there are women that will come up and talk to me about a sin that they've been hiding for years. But our motivation as A mother is to teach our kids the importance of walking in purity.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:13]:
Let's lay some groundwork for that discussion. When you warn your kids about the consequences of sexual immorality, understand that you're not simply trying to motivate them to behave well for the sake of their reputation or yours. You're trying to get your child's behavior to change based not on the fear of man, but on the fear of God. God calls us to walk in obedience, in purity, because he wants us to walk in the spirit. If we quench the spirit by living in sexual immorality, then when your child is ready to choose a spouse, they're not going to be spirit led. Being spirit led during one of the most important life decisions that your child will ever make is how they will be able to discern if the person they are attracted to is even a true believer, if they're even capable of loving them with God's unconditional love. Born again believers are the only ones that can love your child with a selfless love. And that's why you want to direct your children to walk in obedience to God.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:13]:
So they're being led by the Spirit. Loving your child well means helping them to understand how the Lord is protecting them by calling them to live morally pure in all aspects of life. So when Herodias asks for this head on a platter and she takes it to her mother and her mother says she, you know, she's so happy to receive that it reminds me of many other women that I have met along the way. From the many times that I have spoken at opportunities, at women's events, of women who have had harsh, horrible mothers. But I want you to know something, that if you have had a mom who was horrible, having a bad mom does not mean you'll be a bad mom. History records Herodias as a bad mom with no redeeming qualities. She trained Salome to be a vile woman as well. But that doesn't have to be your story.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:07]:
Praise God. He offers new life in Christ. You can be the thread that changes the the lineage in your family. Because encountering Jesus, knowing Him, transforms you into a new creation. You are capable of loving your children with his selfless love. Down through the ages, countless individuals raised by bad moms have found new life in Christ. And they have become incredible moms. As we close this chapter, hold on to this truth.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:38]:
Our journeys are woven together by the fabric of faith, grace, and the choices that we make each day. I am praying that the stories that you and I have explored together in this book and in this chapter that they remind you that even if you have inherited a negative behavioral pattern from an unkind or rejected mother, you don't have to be shackled by that in Christ. You have been equipped by the Holy Spirit. You can break free from whatever you were raised with to become a woman who is new in Christ. And the way that you break free of that is to forgive. I know it's hard, and I'm not asking you to. To discount the pain or the. The harshness of a hard mom.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:22]:
But remember, forgiveness, unforgiveness and love, hatred and love are so similar in that they tie you to the person when you choose to forgive. You set a powerful example for the generation to come, for your children to pass down a legacy of hope and forgiveness and a strength of unwavering faith in Christ. I know it's hard to forgive a parent who's been harsh, abusive, negligent. But I'm telling you that God sees and he knows. And sometimes we just have to leave him at the foot of the cross and say, God, you know how I was treated by this parent. My son, my. One of my adopted children had to come to this understanding. He had to learn to forgive parents that weren't what he wished they would be.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:09]:
And we would tell him repeatedly, if you don't forgive them, you will become them. Forgiving them sets you free in Christ. We can forgive a mother that hasn't been what we had hoped. Even if they were as awful as Herodias. It doesn't mean the pain isn't real. It doesn't mean that you might not need to seek biblical counseling. But the path to freedom from an abusive parent first and foremost begins with your relationship with Jesus Christ and then asking him to empower you with the ability to forgive them. Because in that forgiveness, God will set you free from that relationship.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:50]:
In Jesus name, you can be set free. Thanks so much. I'll see you in the next chapter.