What if I get this Wrong? 7 C’s for Homeschooling Without Regrets

Ever catch yourself scrolling past another homeschool mom's picture-perfect morning — matching outfits, a spotless table, kids who actually finished their workbooks — and think, why can't I get it together like that?

You are not alone. And you are not failing.

In this episode, veteran homeschool mom, grandmother of 15, and author Rhonda Stoppe shares the wisdom that took her decades — and one honest mentor — to learn. Rhonda opens up about the moment she realized she was raising her kids for what other people thought of her, not for who God called her to be. From there, she walks us through the 7 C's of Homeschooling Without Regrets: a simple, soul-settling framework for moms who are weary, comparing themselves to everyone else, and terrified of getting this wrong.

This isn't a pep talk about doing more. It's permission to stop performing, let go of comparison, and trust that the God who called you to this is the same God who will equip you for it.

If you're heading into this school year exhausted before it even starts, or you're standing on the edge wondering if you even can do this — press play. Rhonda's going to remind you that the mess, the mismatched socks, and the days that don't go as planned aren't signs you're failing. They might just be exactly what God is using to raise kids who know Him.

In this episode:

• Why "what will people think of me?" might be quietly running your homeschool
• The difference between raising kids for your glory vs. God's glory
• How to stop comparing your homeschool to everyone else's highlight reel
• Why controlled freedom (not control) raises resilient kids
• The one mentor relationship every homeschool mom needs

You can homeschool without regrets. Rhonda's here to show you how.

In this episode you'll hear an excerpt of the message Rhonda presented at Generation's Homeschooling Virtual Conference:

Stop Schooling Start Discipling 2026 Homeschool Kickoff Event

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"This podcast is for the purpose of mentoring only and is not a replacement for therapy. We suggest you seek out the help of a trained biblical counselor for help with your specific situation.”

Transcript

Intro:

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:01]:
Hey friends, welcome to season 5 of my podcast, Old Ladies Know Stuff. Thanks so much for allowing me a hiatus this summer. It was so much fun. I went on a cruise to Alaska with my husband and my brother and sister-in-law, and we just had a blast. I just wanted to say thank you for all of you that have been listening and downloading, and I know some of you are new because I just did a huge book tour For my book, Moms of the Bible: Life-Changing Lessons from the Fearless, Flawed, and Faithful. So we have a lot of new listeners. I just want to tell you some encouraging stats on Old Ladies Know Stuff. It is being downloaded and listened to in 110 countries and territories.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:00:46]:
That includes not only the United States and Canada, but Australia, South Africa, United Kingdom, Germany, Brazil, the Netherlands, the Bahamas. I can't even tell you how excited I am at the places that these episodes are being listened to, and I get messages from all of you, and I'm so encouraged that you're growing and being encouraged by my guests on Old Ladies Know Stuff. Well, today as we jump back into season 5, I want to tell you about what I'm going to be sharing with you today. I was on a webinar, a live episode for Generations Homeschooling Curriculum. They did a homeschooling webinar, and it was free to attend. And if you were live, you got to interact with us, and we did a Q&A with all the speakers— Kevin Swanson, Heidi St. John, Rob Reno, and myself. It was quite an encouraging webinar.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:01:43]:
I will put the show notes, the link, so you can listen to it in the show notes. Homeschooling is one of the most sacred and most exhausting callings a parent can say yes to. Wouldn't you agree? Every week we sit down with veteran homeschool moms and dads and mentors who have walked this road before you to talk honestly about the fear, the failures, the funny moments, and the faithfulness it takes to raise your kids at your kitchen table. No performance, no perfect Instagram families, just real encouragement, biblical wisdom, and practical help for the parent who wants to finish this journey without regrets. If you ever have wondered, am I doing this right? You're in the right place. So join us. I want to start with a story. When I knew I wasn't the mom that I meant to be, I knew I didn't know what to do about it.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:02:36]:
I invited a mentor into my life and her name was Molly. And one day after church, my 4-year-old was skipping around frolicking while we were visiting and I shushed her harshly a couple times And finally, Molly pulled me aside and said, why do you care? Is this a conviction that you have? Or is this— what's the reason? And she pushed me until I said, because I don't want them to— anyone to think I'm a bad mom. And Molly, in her wisdom, said, never raise your kids for what people think of you. Why, 40 years later, does that make me cry? Because I know that older woman's wisdom rescued my children from what I would have done to them. I'm a people pleaser from way back, and I would have raised my kids regretfully for what people thought of me. I have been speaking at homeschool conferences for nearly 2 decades. My children are all grown. I have 15 grandchildren.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:03:29]:
13 of them are homeschooled. And when I speak at these conferences, I will sit in my booth, and I have a sign up that says, ask me anything. And one of the biggest concerns that moms and dads have in their heart is, what if we do this wrong? What if we get this wrong? What if we have regrets? So today we're going to talk about how you can homeschool without regrets, the 7 C's of homeschooling without regrets. The first one is calling. You didn't choose to homeschool. God called you to that. And I know we all know Deuteronomy 6 and 7, 6:6-7 that talks about talking with them and teaching them diligently. But did you know that verse 5 says, you shall love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength? And then it says, teach them diligently.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:04:20]:
Sometimes we skip verse 5 and we go to the diligent part and we skip the passion for our God. So that is something that we have to understand. If God's called us to this, he will equip us. But first and foremost, it comes from a discernment and a love for God. Number 2 is credit. Regularly ask yourself, whose glory am I chasing? Is it mine? Is it my methods? Is it my kids' glory? Or is it God's glory? Isaiah 43:7, it says that everyone who God created for his glory. 1 Corinthians 10:31, whatever you do in word or deed, do it all to the glory of God. Here's the thing.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:02]:
We want those kids to ace those SAT scores or to get that scholarship or to do well in those extracurricular activities. And why is that? Because if they don't, what are we thinking? What will people think of me? I gave up corporate America to homeschool my kids and they can't even pass a test. What will people think of me? You can't wear that to church today. What will people think of me? And instead of saying, Wait, kids, God created us for his glory. I want to raise my kids for God's glory and not for my own. We become glory stealers when we raise our kids for our own reputation. Homeschooling for God's glory will give us clarity. It's our sweet spot, and it will sustain you and guide you in your purpose and passion for homeschooling.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:05:49]:
Number 3 is condemnation. Don't judge. Judging other homeschool parents or non-homeschool parents. You go to school, to church, the youth group, there's the homeschool kids sitting over here, and there's the public school kids over there, and there's the Christian school kids over there. And so often we can easily impress upon our children that we're the standard and that we're doing it right and that people aren't doing it the way we're doing it, so they're not doing it well. My husband was a pastor. He was a youth pastor for 18 years. senior pastor for 25 years.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:06:21]:
He just retired last year. And I can remember when we were the swing shift family, like when you're in youth ministry, when your husband's a pastor, he's gone at night. So you do things in town, you do whatever. Our kids slept in, our kids did school in their jambos, and I didn't care. It's like, here's your curriculum, let's get it done. And I remember I had some kids spend the night that were friends of my children, and these children were telling me how wrong I was in the way I was homeschooling my kids. We have to get up early, we have to get dressed, we have to make breakfast, we have to do our chores. And I know exactly where they got those judgmental attitudes was from their parents who were setting themselves up as the standard instead of saying, you know what, you do you.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:03]:
God works in you to will and do his good pleasure, and he will give you the discernment. And I trust he will give me the discernment too. Number 3 is condemnation. When we judge others. I remember the scripture that says pride goes before a fall. Humility teaches better than criticism. Remember that prideful people will raise prideful people, and pride will go before a fall. But humble people raise humble people, and God will exalt them in due time.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:07:34]:
Number 4 is comparisons, kind of similar to what we were talking about. But let's talk about it from your own perception of competing putting yourself down. You're looking at the perfect family, their Instagram posts, you know, the kids are all dressed matching dresses that the mom made and, you know, sells them in her Etsy store. Look what I made for dinner. Your kids had Cheerios again. And you start beating yourself up because you're in survival mode and everybody else seems to have it all together. Don't discourage yourself and get off social media. And I know my daughters, all 3 of my daughters who are homeschooling, are no longer on social media.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:07]:
And they said it's been such— Good for them. a refreshing break. Look for families who are struggling. And how about this? Tell your kids, let's pray for those kids that we know that are in public school, those cousins, those church friends, those neighbors. Pray for them because they are walking in the enemy's camp. And we get to be on the outskirts raising them up like Moses while Joshua fought the battle. Don't gossip about those families. you are not the standard.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:08:36]:
Number 5, control. Give controlled freedom. I have a book written called Moms Raising Sons to Be Men, and the section in there says control freaks raise freaks. In 18 years of youth ministry, we watched parents try to control their kids to keep them out of trouble. My son-in-law was an RD at the Master's University when he was going to seminary there, and he said some of the kids who were so kept in their little safe bubble, when they got to college, they spent their first semester playing video games, their roommates' video games. They got on social media for the first time in their life and it captivated them. They had no control because they had not been taught while they were still under their parents' guidance how to practice control. But remember this, we're not trying to raise perfect children.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:09:27]:
We're trying to raise children who know how to recover when they falter. And if they have had no opportunity to falter, they're not even going to know how you respond. And when they're away from you and they have a situation, they won't ask you for help because they don't know how you will handle it. So don't constantly rescue them, a helicopter parent. I think of David, when David put on the armor of Saul. And then what did David say in 1 Samuel 17:37? He said, you know what, This, this isn't working. God delivered me from a lion and a bear, and I know he will deliver me from this Philistine. David was less than 17 years old when he fought a lion and tigers and bear.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:06]:
Oh my, where was his mama? She was not rescuing him. And God sent those tigers and bears, oh my, into David's life because God knew the giant David was one day going to have to battle. Sometimes we get so frustrated or so discouraged when our child faces an illness or a friend that didn't invite them to a party or they feel left out. Sometimes they need to feel those feelings of rejection so that you can walk them through how to process those in a God-honoring way. Number 6 is COMPASS. Test everything by God's Word. And I know that Heidi, you touched on that, and Kevin, you talked about that. We want to develop in our kids a biblical worldview.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:10:51]:
And it is when you're sitting in the car, when you're driving in the way. We lived— we live on a mountain in California in the middle of nowhere USA. And the drive up to our house had no radio and no cell service. So you guess what? Our kids didn't watch movies in the car. They didn't plug into music in the car. We talked. And God, there were times that I didn't want to have those conversations. There were times that I remember my son Brandon, who is a musician, worship leader, When he was a kid, he was learning to drive on this canyon road with a cliff on one side.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:24]:
He's 15 and a half. And he says, Mom, why can't I listen to secular music? And I'm thinking, okay, moody teenage boy. I'm tired. I really don't want to have this conversation right now. I really just want to say, because we're Christians and we don't. But I was like, I need to speak to the heart of this young man. And this guy had been a musician since he was 6 years old. My husband was a worship pastor.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:11:46]:
He would sit behind different instruments and he could just play. So I said— his nickname is Dude. I said, Dude, I know that you love music and I know you want to grow up and I know you want to play music for the Lord. But the Bible says, as a man thinks in his heart, so is he. And at this stage of your life, if you feast on secular music, that's going to be what comes out of you. You may write amazing secular songs that you play at some high school band or some nightclub once in a while and that'll be it. But if you trust us that we are guarding your heart— again, I'm tearing up— until you're ready to guard it yourself and know that we have a vision for you that we believe God has put in your heart and we're here to help you get there. We're not the enemy.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:12:34]:
We're here to help you launch well and to use the gifts and talents that God has given you. Satan wants to steal Steal, kill, and destroy what God has put in your heart. And we're here to help you discern the best way to guard your heart so that God can use you for His glory. Wow, that was a conversation that was exhausting. And yet Brandon got real quiet. Years later, he told me, I wanted to argue with you. But what you said made so much sense. And I understood you and Dad were not trying to fight me.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:08]:
You were trying to help me accomplish the dreams that God had put into my heart. Kids become— we're still in Compass, number 6. Kids become like their teacher. Jesus said the student becomes like his teacher. So I love that Heidi said, if you want your kids to pray more, do they see you pray? I used to get up early. Actually, I did not get up early. That's not true. I used to stay in my room in the morning while the kids were out doing their thing to do my quiet time and my Bible study.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:13:35]:
And I realized I need to sit at the kitchen table. I need to be interrupted by them and train them. This is mommy's time in the Word so that God can prepare my heart to parent you well. This is my time to be washed with the water of the Word. And I remember being very interrupted and trying not to get frustrated and giving them their little coloring books so that they could color alongside of me their little Bible verses and such. But I wanted them to see that Mommy is desperate for Jesus and Mommy needs the washing of the water of the Word. So when we hide out and do our quiet time, you know, at 6 AM before they're awake, that's cool. And that's awesome.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:15]:
But I think of Susanna Wesley, who had so many children. And during her prayer time, she would sit in her kitchen with her apron over her head. And the kids knew, That was her do not disturb sign and she would pray and they knew she was in there praying for them. So the kids will become like us. Hypocrisy breeds rebellion. In 18 years of youth ministry, my husband and I observed kids that were raised in Christian homes whose parents spoke that they were believers at church. Love you, sister. And got in the car and gossiped about everyone.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:14:52]:
that they left, you know, look, I can't believe they let their kids wear that to church, or, you know, all those things. And those kids, you'd say, hey, Jesus loves you. And they'd be like, yeah, yeah, I know, I've heard it my whole life, no big deal. But you would give us a kid whose mom was a crack addict, and I would say, Jesus loves you. And he'd say, me? Jesus loves me? He knows my name? Yeah, he loves you. And they wanted to know If we are going to live in a way that draws our kids to Christ, they say 75% of teenagers leave the church and never come back after they grow up in their Christian upbringing. Number one reason is hypocrisy in their Christian home. And that statistic might actually be higher now.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:15:36]:
But when we live out our faith in a genuine way, when we've gossiped on the phone about someone, we have to stop and turn to our children and ask our kids to forgive us for sinning and use the word sin and say, I'm going to ask Jesus to forgive me too. That's the normal Christian life, 2 steps forwards and 1 step back. If we try to present ourselves like we've got it all dialed in and handled perfectly, and when we snap at them and we say, hey, I'm sorry I got mad at you, but you made me so mad, or I, you know, you interrupted me 5 times before I had to— no, we own it. And then we own it and say, you're not allowed to interrupt Mommy, but Mommy should not have snapped. snapped at you. So we live a genuine faith in front of them. And then number 7 is community. Find a mentor and be a mentor.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:16:22]:
I have a podcast called Old Ladies Know Stuff. It is a nod to the Titus 2 woman because my friend Molly stepped into my life. My friend Molly had the kindness and courage to call me on things that I needed to be called on. Because when we're so emotionally involved in our lives and our upbringing, we lose sight of what it is that we need to maybe rethink how we're doing in certain ways. And our kids are all different. So when we have people that speak truth into our life, that really is a gift from the Lord. It's God's journeywoman plan for the apprentice woman. And it's the same for the men as well.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:00]:
We have to look for community. If your kids are not part of a of a Christian community, whether it's a youth group, if you're, you know, watching church online, you're only watching church and you're not engaging. I know a lot of people after 2020 stopped going to church and they, they're consumers, they're watching church online. You are not serving in a body. And I know a lot of homeschool moms, we had a lot of them in our church ministry, and they would say, my ministry is my homeschooling to my family, and they didn't engage in serving In the body of Christ. And I'm not saying that your ministry is not homeschooling, but God wants us to teach our kids to engage in our spiritual gifts in our church body as well. And again, they see us do that, and then they do that alongside of us. Pass it forward once you've gone a few miles yourself.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:17:54]:
Our son Tony, he was 15 years old when he came to our family. He was in one of our youth groups and he needed a family and we just became his parents. He's 45 years old now. He just retired from the Air Force. He flew the Raptor, if you know anything about that. The men in the room are going, whoa. The women are like, airplane? Yeah. And he just retired.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:12]:
But he told us a story when he was at A&M University in their ROTC program. He was the head of his unit and he was running the race with his buddies trying to get to the end in time. And there was one woman in the, in the unit, and she would lag behind. And their commander said, your time doesn't count until she crosses the finish line. So Tony had to figure out a way to help her keep up. So he would lag behind, and he put his hand in the small of her back. And Tony said whenever his hand was in the small of her back, she kept in step, and they all finished on time. And he said whenever he pulled his hand away, she fell behind.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:18:51]:
And, you know, the Bible says that we're running our race with our eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and the finisher of our faith. We're kicking off those sins that so easily beset us. And as we're running alongside of one another in this homeschooling community, put your hand in the small of someone's back and help that person keep in step. Tell them, be vulnerable, tell them that, you know, I always say I can write a letter to my younger self and it does no one any good. But if I write it in the form of the books that I write or the opportunities I have to share like here, and it can help somebody else learn from my mistakes, boy, that's value in the mistakes I made. Be willing. And then when you falter, when your child is going a direction where you're kind of getting scared because they're making some difficult choices that you want to reel them back in, be vulnerable with a small community to say, please intercede with me for my son. who's making some bad friend choices.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:19:45]:
Please intercede with me for my daughter who is dealing with some depression, or, you know, all those things. We try to keep it a secret because we don't, we don't want people to know maybe we're failing. But secrecy is not what God calls us to. He calls us to community. So to recap the 7 C's, it's our calling. Do it as unto the Lord. Credit. Make sure you're doing it for God's glory.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:12]:
Condemnation. Don't put other people down that they're not doing it the way that you do it. Comparison. Don't compare yourself and get discouraged because someone else is more scheduled, has more of a routine. If that's not you, then that's not you. And I love that Kevin said just enjoy it. I enjoyed my family. We had so much fun homeschooling.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:20:30]:
And I got to be honest, the Bible says that it's God who works in you to will and to do his good Pleasure. I didn't want to homeschool. I literally wanted to drop my kids off at a school and go to coffee with my friends. And yet the Lord gives us the want-to even when we don't want to, and then he gives us the zeal to do it. And looking back, my kids follow Christ. My kids married godly spouses, and they're raising their kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. And you're giving yourself the greatest gift in this sacrifice at this time in your kids' lives. Control freaks raise freaks.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:21:02]:
God is in control. If those lions and tigers and bears visit your children's lives, are you willing to say, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you? God, I know that this, whatever it is you've allowed in my child's life, is preparing that child to fight Goliath one day. Help me to pray diligently for them and to guide them through this difficult season. And then the compass. Let, let your faith in Christ be the compass. Let God's glory be the purpose for which we raise our children. My call to you is to pick one of these C's to focus on this week. And for one real quick freebie, if you go to my website, noregretswoman.com, on my homepage is a message I taught, Becoming the Mom You Meant to Be.

Rhonda Stoppe [00:21:48]:
I taught that at a homeschool convention where I actually met Kevin and his wife Brenda at a conference in Washington, Becoming the Mom You Meant to Be. It's a mentoring video, and I think it will encourage you. Thanks so much.