Pastor Jim says it all the time, “If you lose your why, you lose your way.” And so I wanted to take a moment to let you in on a piece of my why...
My older sister tells me stories of how I was given alcohol as a very young child as a means of encouraging me to walk.
I have 3 siblings (that I know of) - we all
had the same drug-addicted mother, but different dads.
There would be times when she would leave my younger brother and I locked in our room all morning long while she slept off the night before. We urinated and deficated on the bedroom floor.
Sitting for hours sometimes in nothing but our diapers, we would rock back and forth against the door chanting, “let me out, let me out.”
I do believe she loved us in her own way, I mean she even gave us all Christian names, she wasn’t purposefully trying to abuse us, but her drug addiction caused her to neglect us.
When I was 3 or 4, the police showed up and took me and my younger brother to an orphanage for abused and neglected children. That was literally the name of the place.
Fast-forward a few years within the “system,” and after having gone through various mental, physical, and sexual abuses my brother and me were adopted.
Fast-forward several more years and I am at a youth retreat with my older brother and our adoptive mother. Up until this point, I had done a very good job at bottling and plunging down all the abuse from my early years.
I came forward to receive Jesus as my savior! I wept. My brother wept. My mom wept. Up until this time our relationship was a rocky one and she had high hopes that this would be the catalyst to turning that all around.
After that weekend retreat was over, I lay on my bed thinking of the events that occurred. The more I thought, the more I realized the extent of the decision I had made and I didn’t like it.
That night I made the decision to turn my back on Jesus, on Christianity, choosing rather to follow the things of the world.
For the next 5 years I delved into a darkness like no other! There was very little wickedness that I would not allow into my life.
At the age of 19, I sat on an over-crowded jail house floor, strung out, hopeless, angry, feeling alone and mad at the world - at myself, thinking to myself, “how did I get here!”
I hated the person I had become!
For whatever reason, I decided to read a book. It told the story of a man who found forgiveness through Jesus
I was face to face with the One whom I had run from five years earlier! I was face to face with the One who I mocked and made fun of when I was high, strung out on dope...
The same scared little boy screaming let me out, let me out!!!
I was face to face with the Savior, the King of Kings and Lord of Lords ever so gently saying, “Let me in, let me in.”
All I could do was say yes! That day, on that jailhouse floor, I received Jesus as not just my savior, but my Lord!
He radically transformed me, making me a new creation that day!
I’ve made a lot of stupid choices in my life, and even during my Christian journey, but there is one thing that I know for certain:
God is not mad at you, He is madly in love with you!
I sure hope this has encouraged you! No matter what you are facing today, please know that God loves you with an everlasting Love!
“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
(Romans 5:8 NKJV)