Encouraging Mothers

Rachel Zwayne 1:04

Yeah , I started the Joyful Mothers group years ago just for myself and from a few of my friends because I realized like we need daily encouragement , specifically that deals with motherhood , and just I pulled a bunch of quotes from different books and would just post those for my friends and I and then that just grew into me sharing some of my thoughts and I felt like it grew a little bit more that way , just because I think the women wanted to hear just something real from you know what I was going through and maybe being able to relate to them . And then Instagram is kind of the place where it exploded a bit more , because I think there's a lot of young mothers there there and I just really have a passion to encourage , and not only just um speak words of comfort , but also um but also just encourage us with some conviction as well and , um , you know , making sure that we're being pushed forward and spiritual growth not being coddled .

Rachel Zwayne 2:06

You know , because a lot of times , social media especially , you find many posts that will say you're a wonderful mother , you're amazing , you're everything that you need to be , and sometimes that's not the case . Sometimes there needs to be some repentance , sometimes we need to take a look inside and realize that we are missing the mark , but there's so much grace in the Lord . We are missing the mark , but there's so much grace in the Lord .

Emeal Zwayne 2:32

Decisions , decisions . You've heard that , friends . You've said that , friends , Anytime you're backed up against the wall and you've got a lot of decisions to make , you say , oh , decisions , decisions . Well , let me tell you , friends , I've never said that .

Rachel Zwayne 2:43

You've never said that . I've never said it . I don't believe you guys . Have you ever said that I don't ?

Oscar Navarro 2:46

believe you guys , I will tell you this , franza .

Emeal Zwayne 2:49

I had to make a big decision in my life once and it was the best decision that I ever made , and it was saying yes when rachel comfort back then , uh proposed to me I . I'm so in love . I can't even think right now .

Ray Comfort 3:08

This is hyperbole .

Emeal Zwayne 3:09

And , ladies and gentlemen , you have demanded and demanded , and demanded , and here today , by popular demand , in the studio is Rachel Zwayne .

Rachel Zwayne 3:20

I've never heard that joke before you know trying to be original today .

Emeal Zwayne 3:26

Yeah , this is weird . I got to kiss one of my co-hosts and I'm glad it wasn't one of you three , baby , what a blessing to have you here today .

Rachel Zwayne 3:36

I'm so happy to be here Today .

Oscar Navarro 3:39

I have so many questions Like why ?

Emeal Zwayne 3:41

easy . I really feared this day . I really did so what's the podcast called ?

Ray Comfort 3:45

I'm going to be nice how to Thrive as a Christian Mother and Wife . We've just changed it . How to Survive with a Crazy Husband . That's what I have .

Emeal Zwayne 3:57

Yeah , this would go on and on if we dealt with that topic , for sure . But yeah , a lot of people have requested this and we've talked about it , but we finally made it happen . So , for the first time ever , we hear Rachel on the podcast . Do you know Rachel Ray ?

Ray Comfort 4:13

Yes , I've known her for a while . I met her a little time ago .

Emeal Zwayne 4:15

I'm not going to say how long .

Rachel Zwayne 4:16

Rachel , since she was born .

Ray Comfort 4:18

Half a century , half a century , yeah , 58 years . Kick us off . How old are you , rachel ? 50 . Oh , the big five . Oh , I'm in my 40s , I'm in my 40s .

Rachel Zwayne 4:29

Another year and a half ago , I robbed the cradle .

Emeal Zwayne 4:31

Yeah , so yeah , I thought a good place to start is to tell us the insanity of growing up in Ray Comfort's home .

Family Memories and Life Lessons

Emeal Zwayne 4:39

We've got all day .

Ray Comfort 4:40

I remember the moment of her birth .

Emeal Zwayne 4:42

Do you ?

Ray Comfort 4:43

Yeah , I was there .

Emeal Zwayne 4:44

You were and I was there for mine too . You know what's crazy is . Back in the day , though , I mean for us to say I wasn't there for my child's birth would be like an anomaly . But most men were not in the delivery room . No , you were tossed out .

Ray Comfort 4:57

So were you not in the delivery room ? No , I was in the delivery room . Oh , you were . I wanted to help . I had a hold of the umbilical cord .

Emeal Zwayne 5:03

Rachel was actually born with Ray in the room .

Ray Comfort 5:06

I thought it didn't show up . That's a miracle , rachel . Do you think it showed up with you ? It was playing golf , do you think ?

Oscar Navarro 5:12

that growing up with the crazy Ray Comfort prepared you for this .

Rachel Zwayne 5:16

Yes .

Emeal Zwayne 5:17

That was her boot camp . Yeah , very much so that was her boot camp . So yeah , you got any fun stories for us growing up . I do , I do .

Rachel Zwayne 5:30

I have some notes right here , I think .

Rachel Zwayne 5:32

Well , first of all , I'll start with something more serious Actually when I was thinking about coming on here I was thinking I'm either going to be having a hard time keeping a straight face or I'm going to be crying because I just love my dad so much . But I always tell people that my dad traveled a lot when I was growing up but it never felt like he was gone because he was so invested when he was home . So I felt like I mean , it's something so precious for a kid to feel like their parent loves to spend time with them , and that's how I felt my entire upbringing . He just loved to hang out with us and not only did he just pour so much of the Lord into our lives and teach us so much , he was just modeling that Christlike behavior and integrity , but also lots of craziness and so many funny memories . We had this forest that was behind like a mile or so from our house .

Emeal Zwayne 6:35

I've been in that forest .

Rachel Zwayne 6:36

Yeah , it's not this thing .

Emeal Zwayne 6:37

It reminds me of a Hansel and Gretel forest . I felt like I was going to get kidnapped , but anyway .

Rachel Zwayne 6:42

They chopped some of the trees down .

Oscar Navarro 6:44

No one was going to kidnap you easy .

Ray Comfort 6:46

That's why you're dropping bread everywhere we went . That was it . No , it used to kidnap you easy .

Rachel Zwayne 6:48

That's why you're dropping bread everywhere we went .

Ray Comfort 6:49

That was it , that was it .

Rachel Zwayne 6:51

No , it used to be a lot better than it is now . They topped a lot of trees down , but we found this pond out there . I don't know how . I guess , were we exploring , dad , or ?

Ray Comfort 7:00

something , I guess . So I don't know . There was trails through the forest and we found this pond and it was , yeah , just filled with frog frogs and tadpoles .

Rachel Zwayne 7:08

So it was just um a family thing . Well , me and my brothers and dad would just go and and , uh , uh , fish for tadpoles . But dad was just so invested in that , like he was always sewing new nets , and and he was the adventurous one me and my brothers did just stand on the sidelines and watch him dive into this pond up to his neck and like slime , trying to get as many tadpoles as possible . Well , we sold them .

Emeal Zwayne 7:36

Because we were selling them . Were you using a net to catch these tadpoles ? Yeah , I actually got a .

Rachel Zwayne 7:42

Is that okay that we were doing that ? I got a bike tire , it's illegal .

Ray Comfort 7:44

now I got it because I thought , boy , we're getting money for these frogs . And so I got a bike tire and put a net on it and threw it out with rope on it , so I could catch a lot of mice .

Rachel Zwayne 7:53

It was pretty crazy . It got intense the more we would go , the more Dad would come up with new ideas of how to get as many frogs and tadpoles as possible . So just lots of memories like that , always inventing new things , ways to make life easier or to make life more fun . I was thinking about how mom was so tolerant with a lot of the stuff because we would she still is Painting my swimming pool black .

Rachel Zwayne 8:20

Yeah . So I mean I understand this more now that I'm older , because as a kid you just don't feel the cold , but it wasn't . It's not as warm in Christchurch as it is here in California , so our swimming pool we just had a small little what is it ?

Ray Comfort 8:35

maybe like a three-foot above ground pool Three-foot deep by about 12 feet Wow that's really deep for Ray . We had lifeguards .

Rachel Zwayne 8:46

But his goal was to warm that water up because he wanted to get in it with us and play with us in that pool , and so he tried all kinds of things . He painted the bottom of the pool black to try to draw it , you know , to make it warmer , and then the paint peeled off .

Emeal Zwayne 9:01

So we were swimming with paint and lead paint . And then what else do you have ? Black paint , yeah .

Rachel Zwayne 9:06

And then what else do you have ? It's a black paint on someone's forehead , and then what else do you have ?

Ray Comfort 9:09

So I got a whole . It got a big lot of black plastic and put on , but it floated to the top so I had to put bricks , bricks to hold it down .

Rachel Zwayne 9:16

But this was so normal . We never questioned like why is he doing this weird stuff ? It was just like , oh , this is what dad's doing .

Ray Comfort 9:21

And then I laid about a hundred feet of black hose hose across the roof of our house . So the water would go up across the roof and come down Trying to create a heater In warm weather .

Rachel Zwayne 9:31

It just trickled in a little bit of warm water .

Ray Comfort 9:32

That didn't work .

Rachel Zwayne 9:33

Were you trying to bring boiling water from the house ?

Ray Comfort 9:35

We brought boiling water from in the house . Parts and parts of boiling water that made no difference . It's all because I was a wimp . I should have just got a wet suit or something . No , no , I understand it now .

Rachel Zwayne 9:47

Yeah , I feel that cold Craziness . But then one other thing I wanted to say about that was about playing with us , and especially in the summertime we'd be out playing all kinds of sports in the backyard until late at night , because it stayed light pretty late and he in our small backyard took boiling water and I think maybe you tried to paint tennis lines on the back lawn but I think that didn't work , so he basically burned out the grass .

Ray Comfort 10:14

Did that actually work ? It worked , yeah . So instead of marking the grass , I just ran water along it and burnt it all , because it died with the boiling water .

Rachel Zwayne 10:21

I don't know how straight those lines were or anything , but you see , that would have driven you crazy .

Emeal Zwayne 10:25

All this water stuff . Is that where living ?

Rachel Zwayne 10:26

waters came from . That's right , that would have been easy .

Emeal Zwayne 10:27

All this water stuff . Is that where living waters came from ?

Rachel Zwayne 10:29

Yeah .

Emeal Zwayne 10:30

Well , what's amazing to me , Rachel , is how much you look like your father .

Ray Comfort 10:35

Oh , don't tell her that , you'll make her proud . Oh my goodness , what a get-up . I just noticed Rachel's got an accent , oh yeah .

Rachel Zwayne 10:52

It thickens when she's around Kiwis like you , right . But I also do want to say as well , on top of just Dad , you living such a godly life in front of us , just the discipline of daily devotions and Bible time , and how impacting that was on us to have that consistency , just to come together as a family and be in the Word . And I remember you reading Spurgeon to us and it was just going right over my head because I was like what is this stuff ? But obviously I didn't say that out loud . But then , in time to come , I definitely gained a huge love for Spurgeon . So I love just that investment , even though your kids may not show excitement about it necessarily .

Emeal Zwayne 11:25

Wow , ray got to hear his own eulogy today .

Emeal Zwayne 11:32

It's getting more and more common as I get closer . Well , that was a blessing , and we want to hear more from the lovely Rachel . But before we get to that , here is another one of your cool , classy comments . This is from Stephen Ham . Oh , I hope he's not related to Ken Good day .

Emeal Zwayne 11:47

I've been listening for the past year or so and I love your podcast . I'm on my last one and then I'll go back to listen again . This podcast has been wonderful for me to listen to in my many hours while in the tractor or the combine and has been a huge encouragement in sharing the gospel in all circumstances . It has sparked a new love for the Lord and has led me to seek what His Word says on a daily basis . I thank you for this podcast and for your ministry . Through this and other resources , I've joined a small group from our area that have a weekly outreach in the homeless core of Saskatoon and are able to share the gospel and know how to interact with people in a God-honoring way . Thank you all for your ministry . It is really encouraging .

Ray Comfort 12:28

Sounds like he's got a farm .

Emeal Zwayne 12:30

Yeah , from Laird Saskatchewan . I guess that would probably be either Washington or Canada Sounds .

Rachel Zwayne 12:36

Canadian .

Emeal Zwayne 12:36

Yeah , your friend and brother in Christ , Stephen Hamm . Thank you , Stephen . Isn't that awesome , guys , when people are saying like their lives have been changed through the podcast . Mind-blowing , All right , and now a radically revolutionary resource , Believe it or not , friends and what a fitting day with my lovely wife here . Yes , it's here . Friends Fight Like a man . Yay , A bold biblical battle plan for personal purity . You've heard about this endlessly through the years on the podcast and it is finally here .

Rachel Zwayne 13:05

Who wrote that ?

Emeal Zwayne 13:06

one . I don't know , it's a crazy Arab cherub and yeah , so don't forget to check it out . Get it now . Fight Like a man . This is on purity for men . Don't forget the Living Waters mug . That one's a study Bible , all at Living Waters . Yeah , what your brain has to do to time , that just blows my mind . All

Ministry of Encouraging Mothers

Emeal Zwayne 13:26

right , friends . So here we are with the lovely Rachel Zwayne . We probably should say livingwaterscom for those not having a clue what Oscar said . Yeah , com .

Mark Spence 13:35

But listen , she's not just the daughter of Ray and she's not just your wife . She has a ministry . Yeah Right , I mean it'd be great if we took just a moment talking about Joyful Mothers and all that you're doing with Instagram and on Facebook to equip and inspire the women that are out there .

Emeal Zwayne 13:49

Yeah , joyful Mothers . Instagram and Facebook mainly , and then , for ladies that aren't on social media , they could check out a website , right ?

Rachel Zwayne 13:56

Yes , and I don't know the address . Look up Joyful Mothers somewhere I'm studying a ministry called Miserable Fathers , if you .

Ray Comfort 14:03

Google it , miserable Fathers .

Rachel Zwayne 14:14

Yeah , so anyhow , Rachel does have a ministry to women .

Emeal Zwayne 14:15

It's been going for a number of years now and there are about 90,000 people that follow it on social media , which is a huge blessing , and through that you've been able to speak at events and different things .

Rachel Zwayne 14:24

So tell us a little bit about your ministry , yeah it's such a blessing I think that as I've gone through the different seasons of life , I've just really wanted to remember the difficult parts of those seasons , you know being a teenager and the difficulties of the teen years and heartache and heartbreak over boys and all that kind of stuff that is so real to you . And then you move on and you kind of don't remember how difficult that was and how much love and encouragement and sympathy needs is needed to people going through those things .

Rachel Zwayne 14:54

and then marriage and and the challenges of marriage and especially in the early days and then specifically motherhood and just how that really stretches you and how much women thrive when there is encouragement . You have stretch marks . Oh my goodness , he stretches you . He does not help himself . Oh , he's terrible .

Emeal Zwayne 15:17

You know love . I call her love , so that's going to pop out here and there . You know , love . I was thinking . I was telling someone the other day about what a joy it is for me to see you enthusiastically pour into women . You disciple a number of women . You've been asked by many women to be discipled and again you have your ministry online and then you speak at conferences . It's a joy to see your enthusiasm and I was sharing with someone that when you were at a stage especially when we were homeschooling and then just you know different stages of motherhood you never really had anyone to really , in a focused way , mentor you and disciple you . Through that and just how that stirred in your heart the desire to be able to be there for women .

Emeal Zwayne 15:57

Yeah , and so it's been a joy to see that .

Rachel Zwayne 16:00

Yeah , I started the Joyful Mothers group years ago just for myself and from a few of my friends , because I realized we need daily encouragement . Specifically that deals with , um , motherhood , and just I pulled a bunch of quotes from different books and would just post those for my friends and I . And then , um , and then that just grew into me sharing some of my thoughts and I felt like it grew a little bit more that way , just because I think the women wanted to hear just something real from you know what I was going through and maybe being able to relate to them .

Rachel Zwayne 16:34

And then Instagram is kind of the place where it exploded a bit more , because I think there's a lot of young mothers there and I just really have a passion to encourage and not only just speak words of comfort but also just encourage us with some conviction as well and making sure that we're being pushed forward in spiritual growth , not being coddled , Because a lot of times social media especially you find many posts that will say you're a wonderful mother , you're amazing , you're everything that you need to be , and sometimes that's not the case . You know , sometimes there needs to be some repentance , Sometimes we need to take a look inside and realize that we are missing the mark , but there's so much grace in the Lord .

Oscar Navarro 17:22

That's good . I have a question for you because you bring

Finding Support and Encouragement

Oscar Navarro 17:25

something up that's interesting . I think a lot of moms out there probably are in that season of life that you were in , where they're in the thick of it . They're kids that are young , challenging , busy age and they don't have , like historically , women and men always had people older than them to turn to . We raised children in communities and tribes and villages , and now there's a sense of isolation and when you go on the internet you either see the coddling of moms , like you just mentioned , or you experience , like the , the Instamom anxiety that you're never you know . There's just like this , all of this terror coming at your kids . They can get sick here , they can get a disease there , they can you just you end up coddling your children because you're so afraid of the world . And so what encouragement would you give towards women who are maybe feeling that loneliness ?

Oscar Navarro 18:13

and all they have right now is the anxiousness that they find on social media . Where can they go ? What can they do to be grounded and to find the support they need ?

Rachel Zwayne 18:23

I mean , I think it starts with unfollowing accounts on social media that are not helpful , and sometimes you need to just get off social media . I think you know it's . I have a love hate relationship with it . I like being on there to be able to encourage people , but it's a wild place , you know , and there's a lot . Sometimes it feels like there's more negative than positive , um , but I think you know , just being involved in the body and making sure that you know you're connected , um , I think some of the things that I'm going to share actually will relate back to that , because some different points I wanted to give on thriving as a wife and a mother all those things combined kind of left a lot of of that anxiety that we experience yeah , well , I'm excited to jump into that and have you share with us .

Emeal Zwayne 19:08

But real quick , just for those that are curious , because sometimes I don't want to make sure we don't forget at the end , but how can they find you ? So they just look up Joyful Mothers .

Rachel Zwayne 19:16

Yeah , so on Instagram it's Joyful , underscore Mothers , and then on Facebook , I think you just search Joyful Mothers , it should come up on those two spots and then in those two places there's a link to the actual website , if you want to get off social media completely and just go to the website to get the encouragement . So basically , whatever I post on Instagram feeds right into that website .

Mark Spence 19:40

And I have the website here . It's rachelswaynewixsitecom . Forward slash joyfulmothers , wix . How do you spell that ?

Emeal Zwayne 19:49

W-I-X-O-X Wix yeah . Very common Just how it sounds . It's common , just normal , just fan , super common , yeah , so check it out . And for her other , she actually has another mystery website , married to the Greatest man in the Worldcom . Check that out .

Rachel Zwayne 20:03

Very true , very true .

Ray Comfort 20:06

Okay , baby .

Emeal Zwayne 20:08

So show us the way how to thrive as a Christian mom and wife .

Rachel Zwayne 20:12

This is not an exact order , but definitely the first one is number one that would be to be daily in God's word . You know we see that in Psalm 1 , that when we are delighting in the word of the Lord that we'll be like a tree planted by the rivers of water that brings forth its fruit in its season , whose leaf also shall not wither and whatever we do , will prosper . And so making that a priority , realizing how much we need to be filling up on God's word in order to be able to thrive as Christians and in the ministries that God's given us as wives and mothers , and that kind of links to the next point , which would be trusting in the Lord and finding all of our hope and security in him . And that comes as we're feeding on God's word . It just builds our trust as we're remembering his promises and remembering the truths of His Word .

Rachel Zwayne 21:08

And I love these verses in Jeremiah 17 , 7 through 8 . Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose hope is the Lord , for he shall be like a tree planted by the waters , which spreads out its roots by the river and will not fear when heat comes , but its leaf will be green and will not be anxious in the year of drought , nor will cease from yielding fruit . And just that picture of like I shared in Psalm 1 , delighting in the Lord and the word of the Lord , but then also trusting in the Lord and finding all of our hope and security in Him , and that the fruit of that will be us flourishing and thriving and growing as Christians .

Emeal Zwayne 21:52

Yeah , and I think probably and you guys can probably relate to this with your wives a lot of women find that struggle because of all that they have going on , especially , you know , women with babies and then some that may be homeschooling to be disciplined , to find that time for the Word , and so I mean , as men , we generally struggle with that as well with all that we have going on .

Ray Comfort 22:15

So Santa Wesley had 19 children and she still waited on the Lord for an hour each day . It was like lock the kids in the woodshed . God's Word first . He's the giver , they're the gift , and that's all there is to it 19 children .

Emeal Zwayne 22:29

What a slacker . But I love that , you know , because that is the demonstration of priority Actions . Speak priority . I love that . Saying you know it's what you're doing is showing what's valuable to you and what matters . And you think about that mindset of man . I need to get in the Word today because I have to , you know , have the wherewithal to deal with work or to deal with school or to deal what's more important than raising tender souls up in the Lord ?

Rachel Zwayne 22:55

Yeah , and sometimes you have to be creative , especially in those newborn stages . Maybe you need to listen on audio , just finding ways to squeeze it in when you can , but making it a priority . And oftentimes we don't realize why we're struggling so much and we often see that it comes back to just where we're at . We're just filling our hearts and minds with God's Word and truth .

Emeal Zwayne 23:22

Yeah .

Ray Comfort 23:23

I love the thought . My wife's a great gardener and we hardly ever get any weeds in our garden , because it's got so many plants in the garden there's no room for weeds . And that's what you do as a Christian you just fill your head up with God's Word . And so there's no room in the soil of your heart for that which is negative .

Rachel Zwayne 23:40

Yes .

Oscar Navarro 23:40

I think sometimes we hit these seasons where and I'm imagining like a young mom who's exhausted , busy , she gets woken up at 4.30 in the morning by the baby , and when she does have time to read God's word , maybe it feels like a struggle right now and maybe they're like man it's like even to read God's word is just hard for me , the thing about reading God's word is that it's and I've said this before that when we go to God's word , often we go to it expecting it to be this ATM machine where it's like give me something right now . But God's word should be treated like an investment account . Every time you go to God's word , you're investing in something and that is going to pay off in dividends , especially over the long haul . And so , even when you're tired and exhausted , going to God's word , it is investment in your soul . You mentioned creativity . What were creative things that you did in those tough seasons where the babies were waking up and Easy was talking in his sleep all night long ? It ?

Emeal Zwayne 24:41

was the big baby waking her up .

Rachel Zwayne 24:44

Well , I'm not sure how creative I was during that time , but I will say that the one thing that can be that can just throw a lot of women off , especially because of social media too , because you're seeing these women with all their devotionals laid out and journals and spending hours and hours in the Word . Just recognizing it's not always about quantity and doing it a certain way or it has to look a certain way . You have to read for a certain amount of time just resting in God's grace , and that regard and that kind of leads into . Another point that I wanted to make is just remembering who you are in Christ and that grace that we forget about sometimes because we are so hung up on how much we're failing and blowing it . And even as a young wife , when you're feeling a little insecure about who you are , I remember when we first got married and there were a lot of pressures on us just feeling like , wow , this was a lot more difficult than I thought it was going to be , as I was just growing in the Lord and being sanctified . And I think when we're remembering who we are in the Lord , then it just gives us strength and confidence and I love this I want to just share this little excerpt here

Identity and Fear in Christ

Rachel Zwayne 26:04

.

Rachel Zwayne 26:04

It's from a book by Jerry Bridges called who Am I ? I ? Actually it's not a direct quote , I just kind of shrunk it into a paragraph from some of the things that were laid out in the book and I just want to share it because I feel like when we're focused on the truths here that we're able to , there's just excitement that comes from it . When we're not focused on who we are and the Lord and just the peace and confidence and grace that we are always receiving from him , that we can just lose sight and be so frazzled and overwhelmed and then we're not moving forward and um his strength and then we're not thriving .

Rachel Zwayne 26:42

I am justified , I am righteous before God because God has charged my sin to Christ and credited to me His perfect righteousness . I am a new creation with a new heart , a new spirit and a new identity before God . Having been delivered from the dominion of sin and united to Christ , I am always able to resist temptation when I do sin . I am always welcome at the cross , for all my sins have been forgiven in Jesus . I am a saint . I do not belong to myself but to God . I have been purchased and declared holy by God and set apart for God . Thus God is ever at work to cause me to grow to spiritual maturity , a process in which he calls me to cooperate in every way out of gratitude for his mercy .

Rachel Zwayne 27:25

And it's just such beautiful truth that we have to keep refreshing our minds with so that we can rest in His grace and remember His sympathy and love during those times when we're finding ourselves just stretched in every direction and being able to really pour our hearts out before the Lord , because sometimes we just let everything . We look around us and we see other wives and other mothers that seem to just be flourishing and doing great , and that's not always the truth . Everybody puts on a happy face on Sunday mornings and we can feel discouraged , but when we're walking in these truths and we're focused on them , then we can just have that confidence without anyone else's affirmation or you know , when we're feeling that insecurity , we should come to the Lord and realize that we can find all the security that we need in Him .

Emeal Zwayne 28:17

Yeah , and you know , guys , we talk a lot about Imago Dei and the importance of recognizing man has been made in the image of God , but I think sometimes we stop short of exhorting the believer to remember their redeemed identity in Christ , that restored image of God in us . And I mean , mark , that's huge when you say that believers recognize that , and especially moms that are struggling with that insecurity . I mean , rachel touched on there in terms of trusting the Lord , finding your security in Him , but that ties into identity . I can be secure because I know who I am in Christ .

Mark Spence 28:55

Yeah , you cannot give your kids their identity in Christ when you don't understand your own identity in Christ . So it first starts with yourself . You first have to seek the face of God before you seek the face of your children or your spouse . That sets the precedence for the rest of the day and the rest of the years to come . We have a very quick window with our kids and then that morphs , that changes into different chapters with the kids and then our relationship with them changes . But once our kids are able to see that our mom or our father are someone who seeks after God , who fears the Lord , who desires to see the lost saved , who serving at the local church , who has a desire for purity and a hunger for righteousness , that is going to carry over into the kids' lives . It starts with us , though . It's like Ray's often talked about . When you're on a plane , we're given the instructions that if the oxygen mask begins to fall , you put it on yourself first before you put it on your kids . The flight attendant is not saying I don't care about your kids . It's saying look , you're gonna be of no use to your kids if you don't put this on yourself , because our kids can see right through the facade , they can tell whether or not you truly are walking with God or whether you're not . Who you are in private is who you really are , and your kids see you in private . So , christ is that oxygen mask . When we mess up , when we fail and we will our kids are watching us to see how we respond .

Mark Spence 30:28

Todd Friel says that our kids should know and realize that we're the biggest sinners in the house . Not because our sin is more grandeur than our kids , but because they hear us continually confessing our sin . I blew it with mama . I blew it with your sibling . This is what I messed up . Here's the remedy . Will you forgive me ? Will you forgive me ? That is a healthy foundation . We start with ourselves . Then we put the oxygen mask on our kids . Was that Jerry ?

Oscar Navarro 30:58

Bridges .

Rachel Zwayne 30:59

Yes , yeah , I love that .

Oscar Navarro 31:00

It kind of reminds me of Dr Martin Louis Jones , where he has this famous quote where he's like , we so often listen to ourself when we really need to be talking to ourself . And he talks about how , like , when we listen to ourself , we tell ourselves all these stories about our own selves . You know , I'm a failure , I'm not good enough , I'm too tired , I'm not as patient and gracious and put together as that other mom , et cetera , et cetera . And what you're doing there is you're pointing out what Jerry Bridges does , which is how about the verse ? His thoughts are higher than my thoughts . What does the Lord have to say ?

Oscar Navarro 31:34

about his children about you , a daughter in Christ , that you are his beloved , that you are his prized possession , that you're the apple of his eye . Deuteronomy tells you or how about the reality that you're not alone in any of this that God is at work , raising your children alongside of you . In your weaknesses he is showing up . Those are the truths of the gospel that we so often have to apply to those tough moments .

Emeal Zwayne 32:02

You know , I love the saying that I heard recently said you know , oftentimes we stare at our problems and we glance at the Lord . We need to glance at our problems and stare at the Lord . Right , I mean Ray . That's a big part of it , and really it ties into going back to the Word , because that's what's going to help us remember who the Lord is , who we are in the Lord .

Ray Comfort 32:22

It's all written for our admonition , a lesson for us , and I like to think did Daniel stare at the teeth of the lions ? Did he cower in the corner , or did he go out and floss them ? It was his choice because they couldn't touch him .

Emeal Zwayne 32:40

And we've got to . Oh please , lord , don't let me get tested with Refiners . Fire , sing it Ray . Ray's left oh , that's good All . Right Ray Ray's left oh , that's good All right , ryan Town , keep going .

Rachel Zwayne 32:52

Well , Mark touched on it , actually . The next point was living in the fear of the Lord . So you know we're resting in His grace , but we're also being serious about us and not just , you know , blinking at it or thinking that it's no big deal . And not just blinking at it or thinking that it's no big deal , but being sobered by the fact that the eyes of the Lord are always on us . And I think it's most challenging within our own homes . That's where we're most challenged because we're most comfortable . But we should have that conviction and that determination , that passion to be serious about honoring the Lord in private . And and my parents were such a great example of that in my life , and this is how we thrive as Christians is being really serious in that place of where we're we're most comfortable .

Emeal Zwayne 33:44

Yeah , you know , ray , I've I've heard this echo in my mind time and again , because you just say it so much , like a lot of times , even like in the realm of like pornography . You know , you always pinpoint the problem as being they don't have the fear of God , because I mean , and again , accountability is important . I talk about it in my book and all these things , but ultimately it comes down to the fear of God .

Ray Comfort 34:11

It certainly does . Romans 3, . There's no fear of God before their eyes , whatever's before your eyes will govern your steps . So if there's no fear of God , you'll go anywhere your wicked heart desires , but if the fear of God is before your eyes , you'll ponder the path of your feet and you don't want to do anything that's going to displease God . We don't look for God's frown , we look for a smile as Christians , yeah , I love .

Emeal Zwayne 34:28

That ties in with what you're saying about in your home right . Because , that's where you're most comfortably self-conscious . There's no one to impress . That's who you really are , and if the fear of God isn't governing you , then you're really living for the eye service of man . You're just having external righteousness for your own image or whatever , rather than truly walking before the Lord .

Rachel Zwayne 34:49

Yeah , yeah and along

Navigating Parenthood and Marriage Dynamics

Rachel Zwayne 34:52

with that . So , like the next point and Mark you mentioned this too of just that window of time , just being sobered by that that we you know , as a mother , that we have this window of time with our children , so we have to be serious about investing and modeling and living a life before them that they can imitate , but balancing that so you're sober there's like a sense of fear in your heart , but also resting in the Lord , so you have that balance of not just terror and just constant condemnation like I'm a loser and I keep blowing it .

Rachel Zwayne 35:28

my kids are going to be ruined , trusting in the Lord to do His work in the lives of your kids because you cannot save them .

Rachel Zwayne 35:34

But it's not about perfection . It's about obedience and faithfulness as a parent and even as a wife right , because we're going to blow it as wives in our relationship with our husbands . But it's about obedience to the Lord . It's about humility and about faithfulness to continue to keep moving on , moving forward in spiritual growth , humbling yourself , but really recognizing that each day is important and that if you want to grow spiritually , that today is the day to make those wise choices and not push them off . When we're behind closed doors , that's the biggest temptation to just brush something off that it's no big deal . We tend to put our best foot forward in other circumstances , socially , outside of the home , but it's easy for us to just make that rude comment or get frustrated with our kids and realize that every time that we don't fight that then we are stunted in our spiritual growth . And as we continue to fight , then we gain those spiritual muscles to be able to handle those temptations as they come .

Emeal Zwayne 36:42

That's good , yeah . And again , that ties into the fear of the Lord , because if you're fearing the Lord , that's going to lead to not just repentance but reconciliation . You know where you want to make it right .

Ray Comfort 36:55

Yes . Because you know that you stand before him Speaking of that , do you two ever argue ?

Emeal Zwayne 37:00

No , what kind of question is that ? How ?

Ray Comfort 37:03

do you deal with ?

Emeal Zwayne 37:04

them . We often joke because there was this couple that we knew when we were newly married and they were a very sweet couple , godly couple , and they helped give us some mentoring and stuff . And I remember they would say that they never once had an argument in their entire marriage and so we would joke that they're like beating each other up but maintaining a gentle voice you know , honey , don't , and they're just running each other's hair out .

Emeal Zwayne 37:33

Yes , we have most definitely argued and we've . We've grown through that and learning that there's no place for that Cause . That's the thing , that that we've heard some couples say , even those that have written books or that have taught at marriage conferences . They normalize it like , hey , it's fine , everybody argues and so it's like hey , we do . It's like saying everybody lusts so that , well , you know , let's just do it . No , it's . We need to look and say does this fall in line with the fruit of the spirit ? And uh , I'm happy to say , we rarely , ever argue and it's been quite a while that we've been in that realm as a couple and we discuss things . But even if we feel the slightest tension or if one of us in any way veered from the fruit of the spirit or the fruit of love , our habit is to make it right , like to clear the air . A lot of people just sweep it under the rug , and that's not healthy .

Mark Spence 38:24

I'm curious how , Rachel , you have dealt with Easy's perfectionism over the years . Obviously he's . What a great question . He's morphed , he's changed through the years , but how have you handled that from the beginning until now ? And how do you adapt , how do you confront , how do you whatever ?

Rachel Zwayne 38:42

Yeah , well ,

Marriage Dynamics and Humility

Rachel Zwayne 38:43

I think .

Mark Spence 38:43

Yeah , how .

Rachel Zwayne 38:43

Rachel . Yeah well , I think that he has definitely died to himself a lot in many situations .

Rachel Zwayne 38:56

It used to be worse , I know he still does on a daily basis , just learning how to ignore crumbs on the counter , ignore crumbs on the counter , and but you know , having five kids , I mean it's . You know , unless you want to just be constantly frustrated , you have to learn . Yeah , um , I think that , yeah , we've had to talk through things for sure , and you know I've had to share . We've just had to work through , um , just what he's . You know how he views things . I view things because we just look at things so differently , and you know we , but it goes both ways right , there's different things about each other that we've had to just learn to be patient with .

Emeal Zwayne 39:38

Yeah , she's let me just say she won't answer because it , you know she's too humble , but she's been extremely , extremely gracious and patient and forgiving with me because you know , yeah , my perfectionism can be pretty intense and again , I've grown by God's grace , but it's been through her tenderness and gentleness and humility and I came to realize , you know , look , anything that gets in the way of us communing with the Lord , anything that interrupts our communion with God , anything that violates love or the fruit of the Spirit , it becomes an idol , as virtuous as it may appear , to be , as honorable as it might seem in other people's eyes . If you sin in order to maintain that that has become an idol , you've just entered into idolatry . And there've been , yeah , many times I've had to repent over that , because I'm getting frustrated because there's crumbs on the counter . It's like crumbs on the counter . Are you kidding me ? You know it's just ridiculous and so- .

Ray Comfort 40:40

There's one everlasting consolation Rachel can have with your perfectionism he chose you , that's the one place where it worked out well .

Mark Spence 40:49

See , baby Rachel , have you ever ?

Oscar Navarro 40:52

looked into whether you qualify for a Pulitzer Prize for being married to Easy . Seriously .

Rachel Zwayne 40:58

But I will say that I think it's important for us as wives to really be serious about what blesses our husbands and what's important to them and , to the best of our ability , to bless them in that way . So that's what I have sought to do and obviously I've blown it in a million different ways in our marriage but I think that me just kind of finding out what are the most important things to him and keeping those at the top of my list is helpful to him as well .

Emeal Zwayne 41:28

Yeah , and let me just say too . I want to make it clear like the Lord's done a work in my heart and that it's not begrudging , it's not like , oh , you know , okay , I'm not going to be perfectionistic , I got to die to myself . It's like I've come to a place where I do it with joy and gladness and with clarity , like this doesn't matter , this is stupid and . I'm stupid , you know .

Oscar Navarro 41:50

And okay , ray Comfort , is that dog food ?

Emeal Zwayne 41:52

Ray Comfort throws his dog food on the table . What is it ? Is that really dog ?

Oscar Navarro 41:55

food . Did you just have that in your pocket ? It looks like rocks .

Rachel Zwayne 41:58

I take back everything I said , don't they ?

Mark Spence 41:59

look like rocks . Get this out of here . Why do ?

Emeal Zwayne 42:01

you have dog , dog food in your pocket , because that's how I've taught my dog obedience .

Ray Comfort 42:05

My dog is incredibly obedient . Anytime I say sit lie down , roll over , shake hands Because she knows , I've got a pocket full of treats .

Emeal Zwayne 42:12

Ray walks around smelling like dog food everywhere .

Ray Comfort 42:15

I used to do the same with my grandchildren . When they got hurt , you feed them dog food . No Marshmallows , marshmallows .

Rachel Zwayne 42:22

These little marshmallows , Stuff them in their mouths until they're almost choking . He was probably trying to keep them quiet .

Ray Comfort 42:27

Actually that was his strategy If the kids got hurt , I'd get the marshmallows and let them take a handful out . They have great memories of that .

Emeal Zwayne 42:35

Okay baby , we don't have a lot of time left . Let's have these last few , if you can .

Rachel Zwayne 42:39

Refocus often .

Rachel Zwayne 42:41

This is so key .

Rachel Zwayne 42:43

I found in my own life how I'll just get so gung-ho in a certain way that I'm going to be on top of certain things with my kids , be super patient , you know , make sure that things don't get out of hand with the bickering or whatever it was when my kids were young , and then all of a sudden I'm veering off course a little bit and I'm not , you know , staying on top of the things that I was staying on top of for a few weeks or a few months or whatever it was .

Rachel Zwayne 43:08

So refocusing often and really checking yourself , reflecting on where things are at for yourself as a mother and as a wife , like , are you doing the things that you should be doing as a wife to be a blessing to your husband and to serve him ? And that goes hand in hand with the next point , which would be be teachable and humble , so always wanting to learn , being open to correction , because we can't always see the things that other people are seeing , and there are so many areas that we need to grow in . What's helpful with that is reading biblical parenting and marriage books .

Emeal Zwayne 43:46

Recently , rachel and I were talking with some friends lifetime friends and we were just being accountable and encouraging each other in the Lord . It was actually at a marriage conference that I spoke at . We spoke at , sorry . Well , you spoke to the ladies , let's be clear on that .

Emeal Zwayne 44:02

And I said to them I said this is how I want to be anytime anyone comes to correct me with anything . And I sat on the edge of my seat and I'm like this that's what I want my posture to be , because we grow so much when we listen . I mean , the Proverbs are clear You're stupid if you don't receive instruction and correct You're stupid .

Emeal Zwayne 44:27

And that's so huge . Why do you look at me when you say that ? Well , there's a reason . But that's been such a blessing with Rachel is she has always been so receptive and teachable . It's made my role as a head of our home and as her leader so much easier . She creates that kind of atmosphere where I can freely be who I am as a husband . It makes it more conducive for me to flow in my calling and it's been also an example to me to reciprocate when she comes to me with things , so to sit on the edge of my seat and say , please tell me to have that heart .

Rachel Zwayne 44:59

Well , I think you have a little bit of amnesia

Navigating Marriage Dynamics and Self-Care

Rachel Zwayne 45:02

with that . But when we first got married , man , I did not realize how defensive I was as a person until we got married . And then it just was so revealed , like my being overly sensitive about things , taking things too personally , blowing things out of proportion , when he was just trying to share one little tidbit , and then I was crying about it and it wasn't even a big deal .

Emeal Zwayne 45:25

You mainly cried , but that was about it .

Rachel Zwayne 45:28

But yeah , I mean it . Just there was just a lot of emotion wrapped up into it . I had to learn the maturity just to be mature and take a deep breath and realize like this is healthy and good and my husband loves me and , and you know , even in the times when maybe something is not shared in the perfect way or , you know , sometimes we want it to be said the perfect way we still have to see the truth behind it and really take a look into our hearts instead of just blowing things off and being defensive about it .

Emeal Zwayne 45:55

Yeah , ray , you've always been big Say that again You've always been big Thank you .

Rachel Zwayne 46:00

You can't even say it , yeah .

Emeal Zwayne 46:03

You've always been big on just apologizing , like saying I'm sorry , I mean you're always like it's so easy to make things right . Is that right ?

Ray Comfort 46:10

I'm sorry am I overdoing it ? Just apologize . Yeah , it's really good . Sue and I have talked about arguing and how , when you argue , pride comes up . There's a Goliath right in your brain that just wants to take over and you have to pull back and say I'm going to say I'm sorry , and there's such a relief . It's like steam leaves the minute you say I'm so sorry , love . Not saying I'm sorry is wrong , because that never happens . I'm saying I'm sorry this argument .

Ray Comfort 46:34

I'm sorry this argument came up and we disagreed , because it's a horrible feeling . It's like a barrier between you . It's such a good illustration of the barrier that comes between us and God when we sin .

Oscar Navarro 46:44

Yeah , I love the way Paul Tripp puts it in his book what Did you Expect ? He points out the fact that our hearts are idol factories , that we're constantly making things into idols , and then often what we do , especially in marriage , when somebody approaches us with conflict or with whatever the case , that we know they're getting close to an idol . When the inner lawyer comes out , when we get angry and defensive because , they're attacking something that means so much to us .

Emeal Zwayne 47:11

Yeah , and I've talked about it before , it's that self-centered love that we have for ourselves . We wrap our arms around ourselves . We want to protect ourselves . It's all about our feelings and feeling offended .

Ray Comfort 47:23

We put mirrors in our offices , many , many mirrors .

Emeal Zwayne 47:30

He has a lot of mirrors , Rachel .

Rachel Zwayne 47:31

Okay , wait , I just have to say for the record that that is a terrible impression of my dad .

Emeal Zwayne 47:36

Even though everybody else tells you it's good , everybody loves that . Yeah my name's Roy Comfey .

Ray Comfort 47:40

Oh boy , this is going to be the most supported program . Rachel's statement then was just so good no . I get so many emails and comments saying it's great that you put ice cream in the microwave .

Emeal Zwayne 47:53

Oh , we've gotten so many responses on that man , yeah , so all right , maybe we've got like two minutes here , okay , yeah .

Rachel Zwayne 47:59

So I'll just fly through these . Connecting with other women is so important and just being involved in church attending and getting involved in different ministries and obviously through different seasons you won't be able to do as much when you have young children but just being mindful of just the importance of that and getting to church but also seeking those deeper friendships where you're really talking about the deep stuff , not just the shallow stuff . Getting into each other's lives , pouring your hearts out and being transparent , because a lot of women won't share what they're going through because they're embarrassed or ashamed . But oftentimes you share with someone and they'll say I've gone through the exact same thing and there's so much strength in that , um .

Rachel Zwayne 48:42

Next thing is to smile and laugh often that I would never have thought when I was young that I would need to be reminded of that because I love to laugh so much . Um , and I was brought up with a lot of laughter . But you do have to . When you're in the thick of life and things are hard and challenging and you're stretched and you feel lonely and you just don't know how to handle a lot of situations , you can get very serious and very intense , and so just remembering to smile at your children and smile at your husband , and that comes from time spent with the Lord and filling up on His Word and then even just finding opportunities to laugh , with your husband especially .

Emeal Zwayne 49:24

You know we've talked at times how one of the biggest sources of reconciliation for us has been just to intentionally , you know , do or say something funny when there's a moment of tension between us . And we'll just sometimes I mean it's happened We'll just start cracking up and then it's like we see what we were so intense about , for what it was .

Emeal Zwayne 49:42

We're like that's so dumb you know , and so doing that , even like finding , you know , you know , a good comedy bit to watch that's clean and just to make you laugh , something that gets you and you just , it shifts your mindset and perspective .

Rachel Zwayne 49:56

Yeah , all right . Last one , last one taking care of yourself physically . And I think we need to talk about that , because so often when you're a young mom or whatever season you're in , you're busy , you're taking care of the needs of other people . If you're not taking care of yourself physically , then there can be a lot of things going on there that could be fixed , that are causing you to feel depressed even . I mean , there's obviously other things that can play into that , but that should be the first place to start when it comes to just making sure you're eating right and exercising and going to the doctor if you need to , because that , especially for mothers , we tend to put ourselves last and we have to take that into account , that sometimes that plays into the struggles that we're going through on top of everything else .

Emeal Zwayne 50:41

Yeah , the physical is huge , mark . You and I talked recently about just how good it is to walk . You love to walk , you walk all the time and I've noticed , in the times when I'm physically active , it does affect my mode , my mood , my mindset , my clarity , wouldn't you say ?

Mark Spence 50:56

Yeah , if you walked 10,000 steps a day , that would be 17 marathons within a year . Whoa Notice . Nobody's going to fact check me on that , you just just throw those things out there . Actually , that is true , that's an accurate thing . But walking is , I think , the best exercise that you can do , especially as you begin to age right .

Mark Spence 51:14

Not only that , but when I walk I like to walk with like a little rubber ball . I was told by a neurologist he had said that when you walk using a rubber ball it's really good for the hand-eye coordination and your mind doesn't wander . What ?

Ray Comfort 51:27

are you talking ?

Mark Spence 51:27

about A little rubber ball .

Ray Comfort 51:29

A rubber ball . You bounce it . Yeah , bounce it . What are the ?

Mark Spence 51:31

neighbors doing I don't bounce it off their house , break the windows , but it was good , because I was already actually doing that when I found that out . Wow , so I absolutely love that . So , yeah , walking is the absolute best thing that I do with my wife , laura . It's good to take a dog when you go for a walk . My dog's not as controlled as your dog Ray .

Ray Comfort 51:51

Well , we do both . Fill your pocket with treats .

Emeal Zwayne 51:53

We take our dog and we walk . We've been doing four-mile walks together . We love it , we connect and then physically it's good . Well , good stuff , my beautiful , beloved wife . I think we need to make this a weekly thing .

Emeal Zwayne 52:11

Get rid of Oscar and Mark and Ray yeah , so this has been great . And friends , it's sad she doesn't have a book , but one day she will , and if any ladies listening today have been impacted , you may want to think about seeking your leadership to bring her out for a women's thing . Yes , ray , rachel's best kept secret Surviving easy . Yeah , I was going to say so yeah , so you could reach out . How do they find ?

Rachel Zwayne 52:33

you .

Emeal Zwayne 52:35

Yeah , go to one of her social media accounts and send her a message with an invite when she's able . She loves doing that .

Rachel Zwayne 52:40

Or maybe through Living Waters too .

Emeal Zwayne 52:42

Yeah , that's true

Biblical Battle Plan for Purity

Emeal Zwayne 52:43

. Well , there you have it , friends . Don't forget fight like a man , a bold biblical battle plan for personal purity . It is finally here , so get it now at livingwaterscom , along with Living Waters of Mocking , the Adventist Study Bible . Yes , again at livingwaterscom . And yeah , podcast at livingwaterscom with your thoughts , and remember to keep sharing . Keep this one of the top podcasts in the world , but to get truth into people's hearts and minds . Thank you for joining us , friends . We'll see you here next time on the Living Waters Podcast , where we this doesn't include Rachel , have no idea what we're doing .