A Magical Truth

Our June monologue is a celebration of Pride Month. This month, and every month, Shouting In The Evening sends love and support to all members of the LGBTQ+ community. Written by Bowie T Rath and starring Iain Cowieson...enjoy!

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:10

Hello there, and welcome to another episode of Shouting in the Evening, brought to you by the Scheit International Theatre Company. Please make yourselves comfortable. The performance is about to begin.

SPEAKER_01 0:40

No, it didn't go overboard per se. Yeah, yeah, the food's in a cooler. Don't worry. No, it is the same ones I brought for your birthday picnic. Yeah, that was a big cooler. No, it's not the same one. This one is slightly well just slightly larger. No I promise you I didn't. How could I go overboard when it's you? Listen, can I help it if my love language is food? What do you mean how do I know about love languages? Honey, just because I'm over seventy and your generation just discovered it, that doesn't mean it didn't exist before your generation found it. As a matter of fact, your grandmother's love language was What do you mean you've heard enough? I thought we could tell each other everything. I've never stopped you when you told me about your love life. Oh you didn't tell me out of free will as much as I dragged it out of you. Only because you don't tell me about those things, and you know you're my grandbaby, so I'm interested in your life. Yes, I'm well aware you're an adult, but that doesn't matter. You'll always be my grandbaby. Oh that reminds me. You must remember to put on sunscreen before you head out. It's very hot today. I've brought plenty of water. You're bringing water too, right? Good. Good. I baked some muffins. I tried to make them rainbow colored, but I'm afraid I wasn't as successful as I hoped. What colour are they? Well, let's say that the blue and pink sort of conquered the other colours a bit. I don't know how it happened. Maybe it's because you're trans and I subconsciously wanted to make sure that you know I see you. Oh it's nothing. I just wanted to do something special for you and your friends. A flag? No, I don't have a flag. Oh no. Oh how I'm sorry, how could I forget that? Oh you've got one for okay, good. Thank you. Oh that reminds me. I've been bright singing all the songs, you know? Uh padam padam, uh born this way, I want to break free, Pink Pony Club. What? I love to sing. I'll be damned if I'm gonna go and not know the songs. You can rest assured that your granddad is gonna belt his heart out. And that's what you're afraid of. Yes. I have a great singing voice. I used to be in a band, you know. That's how I met your grandmother. What am I wearing? Oh, don't worry, I'll fit right in. Oh now you really want to know what I'm wearing. It's just it's just a shirt with a surprise underneath. What do you mean that's disgusting? Oh, yes, I guess you could misinterpret that statement. I didn't mean anything like that. I promised you you'd be pleasantly surprised. I made it myself. You're picking me up in a little bit, right? Good. Love you. See you later. The surprise I'm wearing is a t-shirt. I made it myself. It says free granddad hugs because everyone should have a hug from a granddad. I'm so excited. I can't wait. This is my first time. Going to pride. What did you think it was? Get your mind out of the gutter. That happened years ago. Decades ago. Last century. Grief. That's a depressing thought. Anywho, her name was Linda. It all seemed so meant to be since, you know, my name is Paul and I was in a band at the time. That was my grandbaby just now. My grandbaby, yes, I still call her that. I mean then. I still mess up sometimes. But I make sure to correct myself, and I don't apologize to my grandbaby because they say that then they feel like they have to comfort the person that made the mistake, and I can see how that would make things worse. My grandbaby's pronouns are they, he, my grandbaby. I'll never stop calling them that because they are my grandbaby, the youngest of the bunch. Oh, and by the way, this whole I'm too old to learn how to use other pronouns other than she, her, he, him, I'm too old school, is bullshit. I'm well over sixty. And though I hate to admit it, it's been a few years since 72 passed me by, but it's nothing to do with age. It's about compassion and respect for your fellow humans. And of course, in the case of my grandbaby, it's also a matter of love. Okay, let me tell you about my grandbaby. My grandbaby is so handsome, it would blow your mind. Takes after me. Ha No no, trust me. If you saw my son-in-law, you would know just how lucky my grandbaby is that the universe decided not to punish them but to reward them. When people get to be themselves, it's magical. My grandbaby is magical. Were there signs along the way? Yeah, I guess so. I mean he would play dress up, but it was always my suits and ties that they wanted to wear, never their grandmother's clothes. He would without fail sit on the counter in the bathroom and watch me shave. I remember he once asked me when he would have to start shaving, and I said never. He was so upset you think I've just told him Santa Claus had died in a freak accident. Ah, and then there was the whole standing up to pee thing. I guess some girls have this thought that it's not fair that they can't stand up to pee, but to my grandbaby it was hell. He refused to sit down to pee for a very long time. I mean when my late wife and I would take them on a picnic or a camping trip and he had to pee, he would just absolutely refuse to sit down. He would take off his trousers and underpants, spread his legs, cross his arms, and pee with his unfazed look in his eyes. I would tell my friends about this because I'd never experienced anything like it with any of my other grandchildren or with any of my children for that matter, and to be honest, it looked quite funny. I mean who peeps like that. And I'm delighted to tell you they don't pee like that anymore. He has this STP now. So I should explain. For people that are not familiar with the term STP what STP is, it stands for stand to pee. It's quite impressive. You get these um STP packers now. I had the great honor of being the first person they went to a public urino with. I could tell they were nervous because you know it takes some practice to stand up and pee and hit the target and not yourself, but I'm proud to say my grandbaby passed with flying colours. We did get some weird looks when we exited the restroom. I guess it's not every day that two guys high five and have an emotional embrace after peeing together. When my wife died, it was quite a shock because it happened so suddenly. I was I was just a mess. Because we had been together since we were 19 and 2. And I just hadn't imagined a day without her. We were together for over fifty years. I'd lived more of my life with her than I have without her. I just couldn't get it together. My grandbaby noticed it straight away, and they dropped everything and moved in with me for a little bit. And that's just kind of the person that my grandbaby is. If he loves you, there's nothing in the world he won't do for you. He took care of me, did the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, the laundry. And he would take me out for walks and to the movies to concerts. When I thanked him for all he had done, he just said You've done all those things for me and I love you, so why wouldn't I do them for you? Let me tell you something. Being a grandparent is the best. It's life's dessert. It's delicious. Now you may ask, do I have friends that have gone through something similar to my experience with my grandbaby? Yes, I do. Did my friend, and I use that term loosely these days, react the way I did? Did he react with love, compassion, and respect? No. Quite the opposite, I'm afraid. My friend no longer speaks with his grandchild, and I suspect he thought that his grandchild would turn around and say, Oh, you know what, now that I think about it, I'm not trans or by after all. It doesn't work like that. My friend hasn't spoken to his grandchild in three years, and just the thought of not speaking to my grandbaby for a week nearly damn near kills me. We speak or text every day. It's not necessarily a long conversation, although my grandbaby does have the gift of the gab as do I. My wife and I used to go camping and do a little fishing. When my grandbaby was a kid we would take them with us and we'd all sleep in the same tent. That only happened once. My grandbaby and I both have a lot to say, and we're both so deeply interested in what the other person has to say. We're active listeners. So the next day my wife went out and got her own tent. My grandbaby always talked a lot, but then the talking stopped. And I don't mind telling you, it worried me. Who am I kidding? It fucking terrified me. They withdrew. And when I tell you that you could spot their unhappiness from outer space, I'm not exaggerating. They started partying and hiding behind a persona that wasn't them at all. They would get blackout drunk at parties. It wasn't good. I was so worried. And I tried to talk to them and they but they weren't ready. And then suddenly, one day, three years ago, they knocked at my door and it all just poured out of them. They told me how afraid they were that I would turn my back on them. I sat there for a moment. It was a lot to take in, but as soon as he said that he had been afraid to share his true self with me, I jumped up from my chair and I hugged him. And I kissed him as I told him, Grandpa will always love you, grandbaby. We all cried a lot that day. Yes, the pronouns and the new name took some getting used to, but it's like I've gotten my grandbaby back. They were so happy and carefree until their teenage years, and now they're back to that happiness. They're free. They're finally themselves. I am so lucky. Lucky that they shared their truth with me, lucky that I have lived long enough to see them construct themselves into their true self, and most of all, I am so, so lucky that I got to be their granddad. I'm the granddad of this magical, kind, funny, intelligent, and compassionate person. Oh, that's him. I'll be right there, grandbaby. That's my cue to leave. Happy pride, everyone.

SPEAKER_00 12:35

That was a magical truth. Written by Bowie T. Wrath and starring Ian Carrison. Thanks go to our esteemed technical wizard Ian for sound manipulation and button wrangling. Join us again next month for another Shouting in the Evening monologue. Cheerio!