Healing, Identity & Real Freedom: Garry Ingraham’s Journey + The Mission of Love & Truth Network

In this powerful episode of the Covenant Eyes Podcast, host Karen Potter welcomes Garry Ingraham, co-founder of the Love & Truth Network, for an honest and hope-filled discussion on healing, identity, belonging, and the role of the church in restoring lives.

Garry shares his deeply personal story of early trauma, emotional isolation, and identity confusion—and how God brought him into genuine freedom and a renewed sense of purpose. His testimony offers hope for anyone who feels stuck, overwhelmed, or alone in their struggles.

Together, Karen and Garry explore:
• Why early experiences and emotional wounds often shape later behaviors
• How shame, secrecy, and isolation keep people trapped
• Why genuine discipleship and spiritual family are crucial for healing
• How the church can move from silence to restoration
• The difference between behavioral cycles and true transformation
• Why identity in God—not culture—anchors lasting change
• How healthy, vulnerable community helps break old patterns
• Practical, realistic steps for finding support and walking in freedom

Garry also explains the mission of Love & Truth Network, which equips churches to restore relational wholeness and strengthen biblical identity in a culture filled with confusion.

If you've ever felt hopeless, disconnected, or unsure where to start, this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and a path forward.

✨ Learn more about Garry & Melissa Ingraham:
https://LoveAndTruthNetwork.com

Love & Truth Network Podcast (video + audio): https://LoveAndTruthNetwork.com/podcast

If today's episode encouraged you, please like, comment, and subscribe. Your engagement helps more people discover hope and healing.

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Transcript

0:06

Hey everybody, welcome back to the Covenant Eyess Podcast. So good to have you joining us for this episode. We have got a new friend joining us, Garry Ingraham from the Love & Truth Network is here for a great discussion. You're going to love learning about his ministry and his testimony. So stay with us. Make sure you like and subscribe to the podcast. It's amazing to me how many of you listen and forget to hit subscribe. Very important to make sure you do those stats. It lets us know that you are with us on this journey and with that, Garry, welcome to the podcast. Thanks so much, Karen. It's great to be with you. Absolutely. Well we are. I know you've been a longtime friend with Sam Black for many years, but this is actually the first chance I've had to meet you and learn more about your ministry. So for our listeners out there, can you share a little bit about who you are and the Ministry of Love& Truth Network? Sure. So about 12 years ago, my wife Melissa and I founded Love & Truth Network. I had been on pastoral staff at a large church in upstate New York for about 12 years. Before that, and my wife is a licensed Christian counselor. I've been doing that for about 20 years or so, and prior to that, both of us come out of, sexual brokenness, identity confusion, those kinds of things. But I, at a very early age, the age of 5 or 6 or so, way before the internet, some older neighborhood boys thought it would be great fun to invite me over to their place to play after school and, introduced me to their dad's hardcore porn, and their parents weren't around, and and that was a pivotal shift in my life as well as their kind of sexual acting out together and and just the, the both early sexualization and then the, the sexual abuse, that occurred as well. And it was a one time event in terms of the abuse. And, but the pornography was something that lingered and really picked up and became an addiction, coming into puberty and long after that. So very, very, impactful event, unfortunately, in such negative ways in my life at such an early age. Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry to hear that. And you know, your story is not unique. I wish that I could say that it is, but so many people have similar experiences. And then, you know, that early exposure to abuse, trauma and then also the pornography really leads people on a journey that they hadn't planned for their life. So talk to us a little bit about how that experience, and your wife's experiences with sexual brokenness really led you to creating this ministry. And what is the ministry's goals? Yes. Well, for me, the the early sexualization and a lot of that, experience as well as kind of coupled with a lack of real emotional connection with my father and also a lot of, brokenness in regard to me feeling like I didn't fit into the world of boys. I felt different than I just didn't. I wasn't your typical rough and tumble kind of boy, and so was easily kind of ostracized and bullied in those kinds of things in school, sometimes even in church, settings as well. And, and so that just led into all kinds of confusion and eventually, led me to where I just left Bible college, and I thought, you know what? God, I hate you. I hate your church. I want nothing to do with this anymore. I've been begging for for you to help me in these areas where I'm struggling and I feel like you're not doing anything to help me. What I realized now, looking back, is God's intention. Apart from maybe a miraculous move, his intention is that we're typically discipled and that we grow up around other believers who are open and vulnerable and are able to because of that vulnerability and because of, living in an an open environment with one another in terms of sharing our stories, those kinds of things that young people and adults can find help from one another's who who have been in those same situations. But there was nothing but silence around all of this as I was growing up. And so I just felt left to myself to try to figure it all out. My my wife discovered her father's, porn in in their garage, stashed away somewhere when she was about 12 or so. And that felt both incredibly defiling and also intriguing. And and so she really grew up feeling like with an older brother and her dad kind of absent so much in off sort of having affairs and things like that. On her mother. She just grew up to feel like being a woman is is a liability. It's just it's it feels unsafe. And so she got into three long term relationships with men, was engaged to be married, and eventually broke off that engagement and got involved with a woman, actually, at George Washington University, where she was attending. And for me, my story was leaving Bible college, finding my first gay bar, and and feeling like, this is I finally found my people. I finally fit in somewhere and, my, my book cover for those that are watching, behind me, my book called am I Gay? Really tells that story. And, and up to the point of coming to genuine faith, even though I grew up in a Christian home, coming to genuine faith at the age of 23. Wow, that is quite a testimony and a story. I thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that. And thank you for writing the book as well. As I'm sure it's been very helpful to so many out there, because there are so many that feel the way that you did during that period of time. So talk to us a little bit about you know, you mentioned this in your story, but you felt really alone there. You know, the church is supposed to be a place where we can find that hope in that healing and, and share with others. But in so many ways, you're not unique in that story where you felt like that was not a safe place to go. So talk to me a little bit about what the church is getting wrong when it comes to that. Well, the reason our ministry exists, Love & Truth Network is to equip the local church across the nation on how to have effective ministry in the space of restoring all kinds of sexual wholeness or restoring sexual wholeness, restoring relational wholeness and biblical identity. So we oftentimes say same root, different fruit, the truth is, is that so many I mean, the vast majority of people in the church, Christ followers even have are dealing with as human beings, dealing with some form of sexual brokenness, even if it's a past issue. But often it's a current issue as well. And and it's not usually funneled in identity confusion, but it's it's more of just utilizing pornography or hookup culture or, sex before marriage or even adultery. Those things are very much alive and well in the church. The statistics show, sadly, that those are very much alive. And I think the reason for that is our kind of unspoken environment of don't ask, don't tell. You know, we just we keep we'll talk about certain things, but we keep most of the private, shameful things to ourselves where no one finds out about them. It's exactly the opposite of the prescription, the one prescription God has given us for healing of these kinds of matters is James 516. Confess your sins to one another and pray for each other, that you might be healed. The prayer of a righteous man accomplishes much, or woman accomplishes much. And yet, honestly, the truth is, Karen, I think routinely we as Christians totally ignore and disobey that scripture. All the time. And it's evidenced by the fact, just for your listeners, when is the last time any of us have sat down with a trusted, brother or sister in Christ and opened up and shared, the, the litany of our of our struggles, whatever those may be and struggles and really received prayer and and it's not a once and done. It's a it's meant to be a rhythm of how we live our lives together. Yeah. You are so right. You know, and I just, I think to myself, like, has this always been an issue within the church or is it a newer issue that, you know, maybe these are just tough issues that the church just doesn't talk about? Well, or is this something that's changed in recent history? Do you have any thoughts on that? Well, I think it's always been an issue. I mean, you can look back to the practically the beginning of time and sexual brokenness were huge issues and coupled. You know, when you look at what Israel stumbled over over and over again that led them into captivity and and then God had mercy and brought them back and then back into captivity again. It was almost always the coupling of idolatry and sexual immorality. And when you even consider Solomon the wisest man who ever lived, he began so well and was so blessed by God. And yet the end of his life. God is not happy with Solomon because of those two things idolatry, sexual immorality. He allowed his heart to be turned away from God toward these other things. And so we see the the example of that. When I was a kid growing up, you know, I assumed it was just me. Like I was this uniquely broken freak. And the church had to keep it all to myself. And of course, I believe that because no one was saying a thing about it. But as I became an adult in some other people were kind of sharing. And I grew up in a tiny country church, but there were other they were men who were dealing with pornography issues and, and we're we're struggling with those things. And there was never a mention of any of that. There was never a mention of freedom or hope or any of those kinds of things. So it's not brand new, but I think the proliferation of it with the internet, a couple clicks and the, the most unimaginable stuff, what happened to me is child's play. It's a walk at the beach practically. And I'm not I'm not minimizing what happened to me. But compared to what kids are exposed to today in and outside the church, it is it is exponentially worse today than it was back when I was a young person. You are so right. Yeah, absolutely. My heart really breaks for our young people today because, I mean, so much is being thrown at them and not by choice. And it's way worse than all the things that, you know, we had access to in the past. So yeah, I would definitely agree with that. So as you're working with the church, talk to us a little bit about how your ministry is helping to kind of change the tide and the culture within the church, because certainly, you know, we have a long ways to go in this space. So what are the steps that you're taking with local churches? Yes. Well, a lot of the reason that I or my wife and I are invited in to speak at local church, I do the majority of the ministry. She again is a full time counselor with her own practice and, also homeschools our boys. So she has a very busy schedule. Yeah, exactly. But the majority of of what we're doing within the church is working with pastors and leaders on, on helping them understand the, the issues of identity struggles and issues. So we bring our story to bear in those situations. But we understand that within the church, certainly the much, much bigger issue by numbers, huge numbers are is sexual, heterosexual, sexual brokenness of a variety of sorts. And certainly pornography is one of the biggest, culprits there. And, and so helping the church understand though that underneath of sexual brokenness, especially for genuine Christians, underneath of sexual brokenness is deep relational brokenness. Christians who hate what they're doing, who want to follow Jesus, who want to be free of this and yet are still compulsively bound to these things. We believe that what is feeding that is really unhealed wounds of the past in so many ways. And also, just the the emptiness, the relational emptiness. I believe that God, Jesus died to, to give us new life in him that breaks the power of sin today. It doesn't just get us out of hell into heaven one day, which is glorious, but it breaks the power of sin today, which means we still struggle with sin. We still have a flesh, but we don't have to live under the tyranny of it. And it also opens a doorway for us to enter into a deeper relationship. We're big into where we really believe that the normal Christian life is that every Son of God, every daughter of God, has a band of brothers, a band of sisters, three or 4 or 5 people that you're doing life with, that everything's on the table with that, that you're supporting and praying for one another and that there's relational, it's not just accountability that's important to relational accountability, but there's there's an essence. I love how John Eldredge describes how fathers pass on, in essence, to their children. Something like food, as their children are walking with them. And if the father is inviting and loving toward that child, there's an essence. It's passed down. I think that's true in our friendships, as well. It's a lot easier to say no to sexual sin when we are relationally and emotionally full than when we are starving. And I think most of us, as Christians are starving relationally. Absolutely. Yeah, I would agree with that. You know, you brought up the isolation and the feeling of, you know, being alone. We hear that so frequently with members at Covenant Eyess that, you know, they didn't realize they thought they were alone. They didn't know there were others. And that kept them hiding in shame. Satan loves to do that. Yes. Oh he does. So talk to us a little bit about some of the other common lies that people encounter. You know, about themselves and their struggles, as they're looking to address these things. Well, look at what happened immediately with Adam and Eve when they sinned. I mean, so they're they're grasping for fig leaves, sewing them together, making themselves clothes. The Bible says their eyes were open. And really, it was shame that set in in that moment, the last phrase of before sin enters into the world is that they were both naked and unashamed. That was the last time that that really happened, that we just had that natural lack of shame and and so and then they also hid in the trees from God. Right. So we we do the same thing. I think it's it's the shame, pride and fear and often the cluster of all three that really is a powerful cocktail for binding us. We are not it is not that we are unable to break those, the power of that by pressing in to what God calls us to do. But we have to break the power of it. Otherwise we will live under the tyranny of it. Move into isolation. We can be in isolation in a crowd. We can be in isolation as a pastor on a platform, preaching the truth of God's Word, and yet have a deep pocket of sexual brokenness that is going on at the same time. So I think those are huge culprits and shame being a primary one. That's good. So as people are kind of seeking to break free obviously. You know we in today's culture, you know young people especially are really told to, you know, find what makes them happy, you know, seek out, you know, create their own identities. I mean, social media fosters that, right? I mean for sure filters. And you can create you can make yourself look however you want online. And it's creating all these false identities all over the place. So talk to us a little bit about how we help people walk back to our identity and Christ, and how that really is the ticket to finding freedom. Yeah. And we would say as well that, our identity is not only rooted in Christ, it certainly is, but it actually goes back to where everyone believer and nonbeliever we are, image bearers of God. Genesis 126 and 27. We were made male and female in the image of God. We believe that men and women have an equal, aspect of the image of God within them, but different expressions of of that which would go. God was very intentional about and, and it's a beautiful thing to live into those differences. And yes, there's similarities to of course, but but when we can help people tap back in as Christians, now we have a new power. The power of sin is broken. We can tap back into what does it mean to be a man made in God's image? What does it mean to be a woman meeting God's image? My past life didn't reflect God's image. Hookup culture doesn't reflect God's image at all. It male or female. And and so how can we really cast a vision for and talk about the good in the beautiful and the positive things about made being made in the image of God? How can we build up our children and young people to, to have a, a substantive place within that? They understand that, oh, God had total intention about creating me as a boy or a girl. It's a good it's a beautiful thing. And it's something that he's going to use. In my generation, as I lean into that. So I think there's a lot of ways we can cast a vision, for, for our sons and daughters and brothers and sisters in Christ to really lean into an eternal perspective. Two things, I think, that are so profound that God created us for, of course, a third one worship. For sure. We are going to worship an atheist worships, I believe, but is not worshiping. Actually the God who created them may be worshiping themselves, etc. but we were made to worship. We're going to worship something, but we are also made for belonging. We were made. Psalm 68 six says that God takes the lonely and puts them in family. God loves to connect us into deep and rich family, and we can do so much more than we are currently doing in the body of Christ with regard to that. And then and then thirdly, we were made for eternal purpose. So if I can, if I can get my eyes off of my momentary pain or my own struggles, but the enemy loves to turn us inward to our, you know, trying to reform or reshape our identity around the world's perspective or what what we see in the moment, rather than elevating our eyes to the eternal, really finding our sense of belonging and love in the body of Christ and in our Christian family network. And I think when we get away from those things, the world is, is there as a, as a counterfeit to draw us away and there's nothing more. There's I think one of the reasons sexual sin is so powerful is because it is such a mimic. It's such a counterfeit for authentic intimacy, more so than anything else. And we're longing for it. Relational and emotional intimacy. And and again, sex winds up being the microwave option for that. Wow. That is so powerful and so true. You know, as you think about the church, you know, gosh, when I started with Covenant Eyess eight years ago, I remember the Barna stats, that we did with. Oh, yes. Yeah, we did the stats with Barna and Josh McDowell ministries. You know, the first initial look was that 7% of churches had programs to address pornography and sexual brokenness. The stats that just came out last year from Barna reflect a little bit of an improvement. We're up to 10%, but knowing that there's you know, in the ballpark of 350,000 churches in America somewhere in that ballpark. Yes. You know, we have a long ways to go. So what what would a truly healing, centered, truth filled church look like? And how do we get more of those, in a faster pace, honestly? Because, you know, the world is drowning in sexual sin, and we need to be the beacon of hope. So how do we how do we create that? And what does that look like? Yeah. And the sad thing is, is that the church is secretly drowning in sexual sin. We often say that it is a stage 3 or 4 cancer folks of in the underbelly of every church. That's not being addressed effectively. So your question is absolutely right and spot on. I think that, one of the primary things that needs to happen as leaders need to go first, leaders need to lead. Now, there are some people who have come to faith at four years old or six years old or whatever. And and I love those stories, especially in our culture today. It's miraculous that people have really maintained a walk with Jesus from a very early age, never got involved in pornography or very little or very rarely, never got involved like they were virgins when they got married. Well, that's that's a miraculous story these days, practically. So those stories are very important. But but the vast majority of pastors and Christian leaders and elders and women's ministry leaders and men, men, men's ministry leaders, the vast majority have a sexual brokenness story and background that they're not talking about. I often say when I'm speaking and teaching and doing summits is one of the key things. We in the church have got to stop cleaning up our stories. First of all, we don't even tell our stories. But then when we do, we sew window, dress them and so clean them up that they are absolutely irrelevant. The truth is, they're not irrelevant. If you would tell the truth of where God met you and came into the gutter with you, they're not irrelevant. But because of we're still dealing with some level levels of shame. So we've got to lead with vulnerability. And and there there are pastors who are afraid today, if they said anything about even past struggles, they'd get fired. I mean, it's ridiculous. So we need to free up pastors to be real and vulnerable and open up the the idea and the reality that everybody struggles in a variety of ways, whether it's sexual or otherwise. We all have sinned, bends. Can we start getting honest about what those are so that we know how to support one another and encourage one another? And of course, getting equipped with good tools, not leaning into, you know, progressive Christian perspectives that are that a revisionist history of the Bible, but staying in an orthodox truth based perspective. John says that Jesus was full of grace and truth. So we don't want to just be loving, quote unquote. First Corinthians 13 six says, love does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. Whenever we start to minimize, the impact of sin by trying to be, quote unquote, loving, we're actually embracing something that's not biblical love. So those are some there's lots of things that churches can do, I think. But but they can get equipped. But they vulnerability is an absolute essential. Without it, people will not open up and be vulnerable. The vulnerable themselves. That's powerful and I love that you brought up leaders you know leaders going first. And you know we talked to so many church leaders and people that have struggled with pornography or other sexual brokenness in the past. And you're right they bring up the fact that they're concerned that they may, you know, that by disclosing this past, you know, struggle, they're, you know, deacon board or their directors or, you know, going to fire them. And that is a real I mean, that's a real pain point and a real concern. They have families. I mean, I understand that, but as a church body we need to do better. So I mean, that really is a call to because, you know, deacons boards and all these boards, they're filled with church goers. So we as church goers need to have a little more grace for our leaders and embrace the fact that, you know, they have a story and a testimony to share. And it's powerful and it's impactful, and they need to be able to share that because it helps to bring others to the table so they feel safe to share their story and get healing and redemption. That's right. I agree with that. And I think that. But regardless, I think leaders still have to lead, even if it's a risk that you're going to be fired even. And I don't mean just get up on a Sunday morning and never having said anything, you've got to talk to your leadership, obviously talking with your spouse. But but I think we have to be willing to, it is not easy to change the DNA of a church that has been built on image management. And so many churches have. Yeah. And so, it's it is a rough thing to do that, but churches that are going to be relevant in this culture are going to be willing to address those issues. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. And I think that's a powerful call to action to our leaders, you know, to to be strong and to be brave and to have courage and to do this and to lead forward, I love it. Well, let's pivot a little bit and just talk about, some of our listeners that are listening might feel like they're stuck in this cycle of porn. Use or just sexual brokenness in general. And they want to change. They just they they try, they fail. They just they feel so hopeless. What encouragement. And you know, enlightenment. Do you have to share with them about getting out of this? Well, I know exactly what that cycle feels like and the hopelessness associated with it like this is just an impossibility, or it feels like an impossibility, but it's not. I mean, so many others. I think everyone who's who is managed to you, by the grace and the power of God walk out of this, probably have a story of hopelessness. In a long season, maybe many years of hopelessness around it. Again, I think, I believe that is absolutely critical. I don't believe that any of us are able to walk out of these deeply rooted sin issues, apart from relationship. So we have got to start obeying. James 516 first John one seven also, if we walk in the light as he, God is in the light, we have fellowship with one another just. But most of us are not walking in the light. We're walking in the shadows, even in the church. So we've got to start walking the light with one another. We've got to start finding these groups. And it's not I know it can feel intimidating, but honestly, I've. I've just begun asking guys, you know, hey, I want to go deeper in my walk with Jesus. I know there are some things in my life that block that sin areas struggles, and I want to get rid of some of this stuff. But I know that the Bible teaches that I need other brothers in my life to help me with that, and I want to be able to help other brothers. Are you interested in that? I mean, that was not a long tirade. That was a simple thing. But they and they have the freedom to say yes or no. But I've had over and over and over again, Guy say, you know what? I've been dying for that too. Let's get together at six in the morning at wherever, and start at once a week and start, connecting and talking through these things and share the, the real pain of our story to get to know one another and then begin building on a relational accountability with each other. So those are just, a couple of things that I think are so essential and we can take it on ourselves to find those guys and pray for God to show us Holy Spirit, show me these men in my church that I can, or in my men's group or whatever that I can, form a band of brothers with and just have the courage to step into that. That is good. You know, and that's something we hear quite frequently from members is that, you know, I don't have anyone. I don't have an accountability. I don't have anybody I can walk with in this journey. But one thing, you know, that we try to bring up and remind them, it's like, pray, you know, pray that God and the Holy Spirit will guide you to that person because they're there. You just don't know where they are at at the moment. So we often forget in those times, like really go into deep prayer and trust the Lord that he will reveal that person. That will be a benefit to your life. So I love it. And there are some online options to carry that you know that that can be helpful. I love in-person more than online. So much is online these days. But yeah, how how great is it that if you don't have something readily available, you could at least find some of these groups online? One of my favorite people in this space is Crystal in our day. And I know you guys are back with her and she is the head of she recovery. I mean, what a powerful story of how pornography can also capture the heart of a woman. And so many women also do wrestle with this. So it's not just a dudes issue is so many of believed it is. It's also, a women's issue or it can be a women's issue. So, in our ministry, we are happy for people to reach out to us. I know you guys are too, to get linked up or connected with online support. And if we know people or churches in their area, we'll connect to them. They'd have a program or those kind of things. We'll connect them there too. So we don't want people just to kind of sit without resources. That's amazing. Well, that is incredible. I know we're coming to the end of today's episode, and I definitely want to make sure that people are able to connect with you and your wife, Melissa, and your ministry. So how do people find out more about your ministry and then also get connected with you guys? Yeah, well, probably the best way is just to go to our website, Love & Truth network.com. It's all spelled out in our, in our logo. It's an ampersand for and but it's LoveAndTruthNetwork.com. And then we also do a weekly podcast as well. That's about an hour long, covering a wide range of topics on sexuality and identity. And that can be found at our website slash podcast in video form. It's out on YouTube or any of the, the podcast platforms. It's just Love & Truth Network podcast. Awesome. Well, we'll put out those links in the show notes to make sure that our listeners can find you. And we could spend hours with, yes, have so much wisdom, and we'll love to have you back, next season so we can dive into some other topics with you because you have a wealth of knowledge and wisdom. But Garry, I want to thank you for your ministry. Thank you for the work in your heart to help restore the church to the light that it needs to be in this dark world. So thank you for everything you're doing. You and your wife now. Absolutely. Thank you. Care. And we love the Covenant Eyess is there? What a what a wonderful tool. Awesome. Well, thanks so much, listeners for joining us today for this conversation. Learn more about Garry and Melissa's ministry, check out the website and check out their podcast as well. I know you will be certainly blessed by it. We'll see you next time on the Covenant Eyess Podcast. Everybody take care. God bless. You.