The 7 Pillars of Living an Unashamed Life, This Changes Everything (Part 1)

Ready to reclaim joy and identity that has been stolen by Betrayal Trauma? We're diving deep into the seven pillars of living an unashamed life, offering faith-based perspective and tools to help you journey back to your authentic self. We tackle the heavy stuff, from the dangers of victimhood to the power of forgiveness. Along the way, we'll be sharing personal anecdotes and real-life strategies that remind us of our resilience and ability to bounce back from adversity.

Life's roadblocks, such as fear, anger, comparison, and overwhelm, often distract us from our true path. How about we work on overcoming these adversaries together? We'll be sharing our personal experiences and techniques that have helped us stay on course. We'll be speaking about the importance of boundaries, shifting into our fantastic selves, and maintaining focus on our goal - living an authentic life. 

We're excited to have a special guest in our next episode who will be sharing her spicy experiences of being married to a "jalapeno". But before we get there, let's work on healing and growing together. So, join us for this journey of self-discovery and recovery from trauma. Sign up for a call with us to receive personal coaching and support in creating a life you love. Don't miss out on updates, freebies, and interaction in our free Facebook group and Instagram page as we continue to explore our potential and embrace our unashamed lives.

For the Powerful and Profitable Trauma Informed Coach 5 Day Challenge, click on this link to join the challenge: https://www.kushlachadwick.com/5day-powerfulandprofitable

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin Anderson B-Trail Trauma Coaching. I am super excited that you have tuned in. Today. Let's keep talking about how to heal from B-Trail Trauma. Welcome to the other side of the struggle. This is a podcast where we talk about trauma, how to heal it and then how to take it and use it to unlock your mission and your potential and to use it to live your very best dream life. When you're dealing with B-Trail Trauma, it can be hard to know how to heal it, how to stop the pain and to know what your next steps are to take in your own life, and these are the questions that we try to answer here. Trauma has the ability to rob us of our joy and identity, which is why it's so miserable to experience. But with the right tools and with the right mindset, we can totally reclaim that joy and even use this trauma to strengthen ourselves, so that way, trauma does not knock us off of our joy again. Living your dream life should be a non-negotiable, but trauma tends to try to negotiate that with you and even though trauma is not something that we will completely ever be free of in our life, the pain is negotiable. This is why I created Aaron Anderson B-Trail Trauma Coaching and this podcast is because I want my listeners, I want my clients, to live, truly live, free from the prison that trauma can put you in. I want you to live on the other side of the struggle. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. Now, as you guys can probably hear, I have a cold and I sound like a guy. So I promise, same host, same me, just much of a deeper voice. But it's all good, you know, cold to heal, I'll be fine. I'm just gonna sound a little interesting on today's podcast, but I wanted to get on here and talk to you guys about the seven pillars of living the unashamed life.

Speaker 1: 4:19

Now a little bit of backstory. Well, actually a little bit of story. First, number one. This is probably going to be a two-part podcast, so you'll get part one this week. Part number two will come out next week, and then stay tuned for after that as well, because I have a fabulous guest speaker that you are not going to want to miss, especially if you are married to a jalapeno. Okay, she talks about being married to a jalapeno and how she navigated that, and so it's a fantastic session. It's a fantastic podcast, so make sure you stay tuned for that.

Speaker 1: 5:08

But so how these pillars came about? Okay, number one if you guys have been following me and my healing journey and my coaching and everything like that, you guys will know that I am very, very passionate about healing through Christ, because in Christ, all things are possible and he has oh guys, I'm gonna get teary made so many things possible for me and I'm just in awe at his power. Okay, so you guys know I'm very passionate about my savior and he's led and guided me into some of the most beautiful moments of my life and led me out of hell. So, yeah, I have a beautiful relationship with him and I'm so grateful and it's probably my most cherished and most valued thing in my life. So when I went to him and I asked him in prayer how can I teach your concepts? Like, I understand your concepts well, but how can I teach them in a program Like, what do you want me to start letting these people know? And this is when the seven pillars was first revealed to me. And seven pillars are intention, and I'll go into each one of these in depth. So there's intention, there's the bounce back the brain on board, play, ownership. There's the lean into and the anchor. Okay, so seven pillars.

Speaker 1: 7:18

And as I started teaching these pillars, I also realized that there are seven adversaries as well, and this is where a lot of people find themselves often. So adversary number one is the opposite of the pillar number one. So the opposite of intention is expectation, and we'll go into all these adversaries as well. Okay, the opposite of the bounce back is the victim. The opposite of the brain on board is destruction. The opposite of play is overwhelm, the opposite of ownership is blame, the opposite of the lean into is fear and worry and the opposite of the anchor is vengeance. So with that, there's also a little strip between the adversaries and the pillars and that strip that will crossing point is forgiveness. So with that, let me also tell you, with these pillars, this is something that I'm not perfect at living, okay, but I'm pretty quick to pick up. Like, if I'm in one of these adversaries, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, if I'm blaming someone, if I am feeling like a victim or any of these adversaries, I'm really quick to shift into one of the pillars and this is honestly one of the ways that helps me live I wouldn't necessarily say a trauma free life, but it helps me live with intense joy even amidst the trauma. And so this is why these are so huge is because you can still be traumatized and you can still actually be hurt, but you don't stay in it, you don't stay stuck.

Speaker 1: 9:42

So, with each one of these pillars, let's go ahead and talk about expectation and intention. Okay, so we start, first and foremost, with the adversary Excuse me and the adversary to. Intention is expectation, and one of the best ways I can explain expectation is when you set yourself a goal and you expect someone else to achieve it for you. Okay, and I hear this one a lot I should be able to expect my spouse to XYZ, right. So, for example, I hear this on both sides I should expect my husband to be faithful to me. Okay, now let me say that is totally reasonable statement. Right, we want our spouses to be faithful to us.

Speaker 1: 10:33

But the problem with the expectation is it's you trying to achieve a goal, like I said, and when that goal is not achieved, you get into reaction, you get into blame, you get into that trauma cycle. Right, coping and avoidance control, the trauma, the retrigger, reaction and blame, coping, avoidance control and it spirals you downwards. And so, even though, yes, I think husbands and wives should be faithful to each other absolutely, I am totally for that what happens when you expect that is that also puts you into a deep sense of betrayal. When that happens, okay, now you're going to say, well, that's normal, right. But here's the thing. What happens when we intend instead to have a faithful marriage? See, the expectation is putting all of the pressure on the other person.

Speaker 1: 11:45

But the intention brings it back to what you actually have control over. You cannot control someone else. Even though you might try, it is not possible to control another person. So if your husband or wife is not being faithful to you, it doesn't mean you have to put up with that. But what intention does is it gets you clear on what you're going to do if your spouse is not faithful to you. Right, it might mean the end of the marriage. It might mean that you try to work it out. It might mean that you take a break from each other, right. But whatever it is, the intention gives you the ability to not make decisions in the moment and give yourself time to really get clear with what it is you want and what it is you want to move forward with. That is what intention does, okay. And so, even though you want to say I expect that, you can say instead, I intend for that to happen and when it doesn't happen, I'm going to sit back, I'm going to sit in love for myself, for the other person. You can still love this other person, but not love the behavior. That's okay, that's intention. But you're going to ask yourself okay, well, this here's the situation. What am I going to do about it? Right, relationships can get really tricky to navigate, but it's not impossible.

Speaker 1: 13:51

It's when we get intentional about ourselves and the other person that relationships start to work. You know, I have a lot of women that come to me and they're just like I wish he would stop expecting sex. But the husband says I should be able to expect sex, I'm married, right. But the problem with that is a woman nobody, actually a human being in general does not want to be an object, a tool, just for somebody else's use. That is degrading, that is demeaning. No, they want somebody that wants an intentional relationship with them. They want to be cherished and through that cherishing that sexual relationship comes forward. So what I mean by this okay is if she feels neglected, if she feels unheard, unseen and unwanted and less it's just a sexual encounter just to appease him. That's demoralizing and that is demeaning. What she wants is someone that puts in the time and the effort, who can hear her out without feeling drawn in by, like triggered, I should say, by her concerns, who can be strong in the face of her fears, who will just hug her and love her, who takes the time, who takes time for her, takes her on dates and just talks with her and they have a deep connection. That is what she wants and through that comes a sexual relationship in the marriage. She's not here to be used. She wants connection and similar with a husband. He wants trust. So how can we expect that from each other? But how can we intend that? I intend to have a great sexual relationship with my wife, so I am going to put in the effort. I intend to be cherished, so therefore I'm going to put in the effort.

Speaker 1: 16:46

It is the way we show up in the marriage and in these relationships that makes the difference. If we put all the expectation on someone else, it doesn't feel good and you can both see that, because if he's expecting sex from you but not putting any intention in, it doesn't feel good. And if she's expecting you to jump and just say how high and read her mind right, without actually communicating with you, it doesn't feel good. So we need to make sure we're open for communication. We need to make sure that we are being loving and kind in our communication, but honest. We have to make sure that sometimes we swallow our pride. If we want relationships with people, then we show up accordingly. It's not about who's right or wrong. It's about the connectivity in the relationship, and that is where intention comes in. Now, you can't force someone else to show up at the same level you are, and so that's where we get to start making decisions and saying okay, I still love this person, that's okay. I still think they're fabulous, that's okay. But right now they're telling me that they can't handle a relationship with me. And if they can't handle a relationship with me, even though I'm showing up, okay, it's okay for me to let them go With love, okay, so that's expectation and intention.

Speaker 1: 18:43

The second piece to this is the bounce back in the victim. So let's go ahead and start with the. Yeah, we'll do this. So let's start with the victim and the bounce back. Okay, now, the victim you can hear victim language. It's poor for me. I'm not ever wrong and if you can think about it for just a little bit, like a lot of you who have listened or are listening to my podcast also know about, like a narcissist. Right, nobody likes dealing with a narcissist. They just don't because they have such a victim language and it always has to be somebody else's fault and not their fault. Right, they can't ever take any responsibility for their actions. So they'll say things like I've done nothing wrong.

Speaker 1: 19:50

Okay, now, I'm not to say that, like, that person is always responsible, right? Or that somebody else is always responsible for the things that have gone wrong in the relationship. Right, there's two sides to every story and two sides that create a relationship. So everybody needs to improve, but sometimes it is more on one person's side of the relationship than the others when it comes to changing and growing and healing. So you'll hear things like I'm not the one at fault here, just everybody's out to get me, everybody's out to hurt me. They will say things like you love this person more than me. Okay, there's that one, but you know I don't need to get into a lot of this narcissistic stuff Like they'll gaslight, they'll do anything they can to make you out to be the bad guy, but they won't ever take any responsibility. They won't hear you, they won't listen. They have to be the victim.

Speaker 1: 23:41

Okay, and this is why the victim mentality is so dangerous. Actually is because when we stay stuck in it and I'm not to say that somebody hasn't victimized you, no, I'm not saying that at all but it's when we claim the victim so hard, that's when we actually slip into narcissism. Okay, when we think we've got our own back and we're out to protect ourselves, but we're not willing to actually ask ourselves how we could have done better, how we can improve, how we can change this relationship. Okay, I'm glad that some people are not. It's not good to try to change the relationship, because some people just really don't want a relationship with you and we've got to honor that right. But if somebody really does want a relationship with you, a really deep, connected relationship with you, and maybe they're not showing up the best way, you know, we get to ask ourselves number one how can we, how can we understand ourselves better? And this is where we start getting into the bounce back.

Speaker 1: 24:59

See, a victim mentality is a complete misunderstanding of who you are. If you think you're the victim always, that is not who you are. No story, no amazing story in history, or really any story that we love, like you think about you know adventures, the Marvel characters, or Jesus Christ, which you guys know, I love. Or, say, star Wars, there's Lord of the Rings, like all of these stories that are really, really big Harry Potter in our culture, right, they didn't become what they were by staying a victim. The heroes didn't. However, the bad guys stayed bad because they were so ingrained in being the victim. Think about Darth Vader, right, darth Vader was a great victim and that is what he fed off of you.

Speaker 1: 26:20

Look at biblical stories, right, the Pharisees and the Sadducees. They were what they were because they had to be the victim, and they used that victim mentality and that pride to puff themselves up, make themselves better than everyone else. And here comes Christ, in total and complete love, taking complete ownership of who he was. He knew who he was and he refused to act out of that. You know, I've said so many times that people don't behave above their self-belief, so the bounce back is understanding who we are to a much greater degree and understanding that, yeah, sometimes we're not always in alignment with who we are, but when we're not in alignment with who we are, we quickly shift right. So we look at the fantastic human that we truly are and we operate based upon that. This is where I often tell people to get in and do a characteristic study, right. So one of the things that I really admire in biblical stories is the faith that these people had.

Speaker 1: 27:49

I'm a Latter-day Saint and so I also really love the faith of the people in the Book of Mormon. Those are the times in the scriptures that I am just in love with what I'm reading. It's because these people show up so purely in faith, and so I wanted that faith for myself. I wanted that deep connection, that deep trust in my Savior and my Heavenly Father. And you guys, I'm going to be honest with you I'm still working on that.

Speaker 1: 28:23

Faith is not something that we just get right all of a sudden. It's a process, it's something that we consistently have to work on, such as understanding that when somebody is a victim, right that we don't have to change them, we don't have to be responsible for them. We get to trust Christ and Heavenly Father with them that they know better how to help and handle that person than what we do. They know how to reach them better than what we do. But that doesn't mean that we get to be walked all over so we get to step into the bounce back. Who are we? How do we handle ourselves? How can we be proud of ourselves for the way that we show up towards another person? Just to kind of give you an example and this isn't to you like toot my own horn, okay, but it taught me a lot about the bounce back, this situation.

Speaker 1: 29:42

A few years ago I'll probably nine or 10 years at this point I had a situation where I had a dog and she was an absolute nut. Right, we loved her, she was cute and she really, really loved our family, but she was an absolute crazy dog. Okay, and what I mean by this is her enthusiasm was really her undoing, she I couldn't have her in the house with me because she couldn't calm down. She would chew on things, she would y'all. She chewed on my piano and that was like a big no. No, that piano was very, very precious to me.

Speaker 1: 30:40

She ripped up my kids's clothes one day anyway, and she just could not be potty trained, she couldn't be housebroken, but if I let her outside she'd take off, and that's dangerous, especially for where I live, because if a dog is that hyper, they'll often get into trouble with, like people's chickens or sheep or anything like that. And around here, if there's a dog destroying your livestock, you have the right to shoot it, and so I didn't want to see her die, and so I had to put her on a leash, right, trying to figure out how to train this dog and get some energy out of her. You could play fetch with this dog for hours and she would not get tired, right, she just had so much energy that really what she needed was a family who had acres and acres and acres for her to run, and we just didn't have that ability to provide for her that way. And so one day, as I'm sitting here trying to figure out what to do with this dog and how to help her, she ended up breaking her collar, like legitimately snapping it, and she ran out into the road and got hit and killed. So it was really sad, we were sad, we only had her maybe a year, I'm not even joking and her enthusiasm was her undoing. But as I'm sitting there scraping my dog off the road, I have a neighbor that comes up and starts yelling at me, telling me what a horrible human I am and how she thinks I shouldn't be a mom and how she thinks I shouldn't be able to have animals, that I was so cruel to this dog to leave her chained up. And I'm like that was actually the kindest thing I could have done for that dog, right and just being absolutely toxic and just so not nice right, and to boot I had also had a miscarriage right around that same time. And my, here's my neighbor, just screaming and yelling in my face, just being as mean as she possibly can be. And I had other neighbors that were just standing there shocked and they finally were like go home. Like they actually pushed physically, pushed her away from me. They were threatening to call the police if she didn't back off and I they helped me bury my dog.

Speaker 1: 33:35

And after that was all said and done, I finally had a minute to process what was going on and I was livid. I was like how dare she? She does not know the situation. She made a snap judgment on me. She's making snap judgments on me and she is not being nice, right, I'm sitting there thinking to myself, I just like really want to go get some dog poop and like chuck it at her house, like that's literally what I'm thinking, right, but here's the thing. That's not who I am.

Speaker 1: 34:16

And I asked myself OK, what would the true me do? What would I be proud of? How can I show up for me right now? And the answer was to bake her some bread. You take it over to her house and tell her I forgive her because, number one, I don't want to be saddled with all of that anger and emotion for years to come. I want to heal, and if healing meant that I was the bigger person, then I was going to do it. So I did just that. I took her, I baked her some bread and I took it over to her and I just told her hey, I just want you know I forget you. Well, she yelled and she screamed and she tried to hand the bread back to me and I told her. I said no, that's for you and it's for you to enjoy.

Speaker 1: 35:28

And I had to also realize that somebody must be hurting deeply To come at me like that and who was I to add to that pain. That's not something that I would ever do. I am not someone to add to another person's pain. I want to add to their joy. I want them to know that they're loved. And so, as she said, I love you and I forgive you.

Speaker 1: 36:08

And finally she gets to this moment. She's like how can you love me? You don't even know me. And I said I know that God created you and I know my God. If God created you and he created you because he loves you, then who am I to say you don't deserve that love. And she kind of stopped for a minute and she just thanked me and she took the bread inside. But she's actually very, very sweet to me now, very, very kind, always says hello, always asks how I'm doing now. And it was such a major turning point for both of us because I realized something about myself in that moment that that action put me out of the reach of her anger, her meanness. But it was that kind of action that also put her out of that reach. I am who I am and I'm grateful to be who I am and I'm proud of that. And I don't touch, share this story to paint myself into this whole corner, but more or less to say how would this situation have been different had I acted like the victim and carried this anger around for years and years and years, instead of getting deep into that forgiveness, right and moving on and deciding to live my life without that anger, without that pressure, without that weight bearing me down wherever I go and wondering if she was right. If I know she's not right and I knew she wasn't, then what would it look like at this very moment to live as my best self, as my highest self. And that was a person I was really intensely proud of in that moment, and I think she's still a beautiful human. She really is. I'm really really thankful for that neighbor.

Speaker 1: 38:41

Now, people can change, but only when they realize that they're lovable. So that's the bounce back being yourself and the self that you can love and be proud of, and then being that person no matter what. That doesn't mean that you don't set boundaries. As a matter of fact, boundaries are the most loving and kind thing a person can do in a relationship, but you also have to be willing to live by those same boundaries, otherwise they're not boundaries, they're rules, they're regulations and they're expectations, and nobody loves to walk on eggshells around another person. If you're not living by your own boundaries, then they're not solid. So we live by our boundaries, we live by our moral code and we will get to become proud of ourselves, despite what anybody else thinks. Okay.

Speaker 1: 40:05

Third adversary is distraction. There are so many things out there to distract us, and I'm not just talking about being in a situation and going along and being like, right, no, that's not what I'm talking about. What I'm talking about is anything that distracts you from who you are and your mission and purpose. Right, distracts you from intention. That's why expectation also can get bad is because it distracts us from truth. We want to live by truth. Truth feels good. It helps us understand ourselves. It helps us understand ourselves in a loving way and it helps us understand our mission and purpose and how incredibly amazing we truly are. Like man, god created something awesome when he created you, and if we get distracted from that in any way, it's very easy to feel feelings like the victim. It's easy to be a victim, okay. So, things that might distract us our husband looking at pornography okay, if we try to control him and we're trying to say you have to do this this way, and if you look again, then you're going to go sleep on the couch or you're moving out of your mom's, you're never going to see your kids again and all of these expectations, right.

Speaker 1: 41:56

When somebody is stuck in anger, they are not able to see truth. I'm not saying the anger is bad. I was really, really angry when that neighbor betrayed me and I get angry when I get betrayed Anybody does but I'm not going to stay stuck in that anger. That is the last thing I want for myself, for my relationships. I don't want to have like a chronic anger Because that's not who I am. I start to show up as a person that I am not. I am being inauthentic. I am being. I am literally living a lie when I stay stuck in anger. I don't want no part of it. I guess I should maybe say that that was really bad English right there, but I don't want any part of it. I want to be authentic. I want to be proud of myself Because and I want to live in a way that I claim to be God's creation, his greatest creation or one of his greatest creations I should say that's what I want. I don't want all of the anger.

Speaker 1: 43:34

An anger when we're stuck in. It distracts us from all of that Right. Another thing that can distract us is the poor, poor me. I'm always so picked on, I'm always the victim. Everybody always makes me out to be the bad guy. That's a distraction, right. That victim language, the victim mentality, is a distraction from truth. But we really are. We're more awesome than that. It doesn't matter what somebody else may or may not think about us. We're better than that. We are more awesome. We are, um, getting distracted by comparison, comparing ourselves to someone else, thinking that they're better than us or how they're showing it better or how they have this better Comparison is a thief of joy and it's a distraction from the truth. They're like number one.

Speaker 1: 44:46

I'm a great singer. I'm actually really really good and I really enjoy singing and helping people out Caveat. If I have a cold I'm not that great of a singer, it happens, right, but the thing is there's people out there that are way better than me, way better. I feel like I'm a fantastic coach, right, but I work with a coach who is better than what I am because I want to be that good, right, and I'm not just talking. I don't work with a vocal coach, I'm talking about a business coach, right, and she has been fabulous. She's been on the show a couple of times Kusla Chadwick, right, and I really appreciate working with her because she's helped me blossom even more into who I am. She's brought more of me out and more of something that I can be proud of. She's helped me build a legacy and a message. I'm so grateful for her, right, but she is so much better at building businesses and systems out than what I am, so I'm going to go to her and ask for some support and some help.

Speaker 1: 46:10

We have people out there that are better than us at certain things and we're better than others at certain things. Cool, let's all sit around the campfire and sing Kumbaya, right? The point of this is is it's not a comparison thing. If we get stuck in oh, they're so much better than us or oh, I'm so much better than them, we get distracted from who we truly are. Neither one is flattering to us, and we know this, and so we have to shift out of distraction and into again intention, right, and getting our brain on board. What is it we truly want? Are we envisioning? Are too busy envisioning like how somebody is better than us or we're better than somebody else, or are we envisioning all of the ways that we have failed? Or are we envisioning all of the ways somebody has betrayed us? Are we re-triggering ourselves by what we're seeing in our mind's eye? Our mind's eye is so incredibly powerful. It legitimately will create what we put in it. That is the whole function of our mind's eye, that is the function of our brain, is to get busy and create the reality that we keep seeing. So if we want a different reality, we first and foremost have to see it, get intentional with it.

Speaker 1: 47:50

And again, guys, this is something I'm still working on. I'm building a six-figure business. Right, that means I have to see a six-figure business. What is like to live as a six-figure business person? What does that person look like? How does she act? How does she react with money? How does she act with people? They're all intertwined and sometimes I still fall short of that. What I am working towards it, because this is my life's mission and purpose. Of course God wants to fund it, because I'm bringing people out of their pain towards him. Of course he wants to fund that message. Right, that means I have to show myself what it is I want through meditation, journaling that's crazy powerful, right there. Tapping, that actually is really powerful too, because it starts to engage your voice, which is one of your creation tools, right, and there's many other ways to actually hijack the brain and to get it on board with what it is you want to do and what it is you want to create.

Speaker 1: 49:17

Okay, the fourth adversary is overwhelmed. We've all been there. We've all been there. We can get overwhelmed with life. We can get overwhelmed with our relationships and sometimes, guys, our relationships are overwhelming. I know dealing with people in general can sometimes just be overwhelming. Finances, oh guys, that's something that so many people get stuck in. Is that overwhelm, right? Especially with the financial trauma? A lot of people really get stuck in overwhelm there.

Speaker 1: 49:59

But one of the ways that I really love to explain overwhelm is when you were a kid and some of you, maybe you were fantastic at math and you're like I totally get it right, but maybe, like reading and sentence structures and stuff like that totally overwhelmed you, right. But for me, when I was a kid, it was the math that actually overwhelmed me. And go figure, I was a math teacher before I started coaching, right, and I was a really good math teacher because I understood the concepts and the patterns behind all, behind the functions and things like that, right. But it wasn't always that way.

Speaker 1: 50:52

I really felt overwhelmed in math and I like, when I was a kid they told me to memorize 144 multiplication facts, right, which felt overwhelming to me and any kid that would be overwhelming, right. When it's just like here's, here, it is just, it's just repeated addition, go figure it out, right, I was crazy overwhelmed with that. It was really, really overwhelming. And it wasn't until I actually became a teacher and started teaching multiplication that I was like, oh, hold on a second, there's patterns here. Oh, I get it right. And so I started teaching it through the pattern. My kids got it, they ran with multiplication, they knew their facts because it wasn't about memorizing 144 facts, it was memorizing the pattern that was there and that gave them one thing to memorize versus 144 things to memorize, and multiplication became very easy for them and they were able to do it a lot quicker, right, but it became. It stopped becoming overwhelming when I started to play with the numbers. When I started to actually play with it, it was no longer overwhelming, it became fun.

Speaker 1: 52:37

So if our finances are overwhelming us, right. How can we play with it? How can we make that fun? How can we put that into a game Cleaning the house we've heard this one make it a game. Right, how can we make the things that are overwhelming to us fun? And we do that by giving ourselves challenges. Right, and this is what's really interesting when we challenge ourselves and we meet that challenge and then we challenge ourselves, we meet that challenge and we challenge ourselves. We meet that challenge. All of a sudden, we have a resume of why we're awesome. We love to feel awesome, we want to feel awesome, and if we're not playing enough and having enough fun in our lives and giving ourselves challenges that we meet or we know that we can meet, it's easy to also kick us down and demoralize us and to teach us things that are absolutely not true about who we are.

Speaker 1: 53:53

I thought I was so bad at math, yet I'm really good at it, really good at it. I totally understand it now, but I could not understand it when I thought I was bad at it. But once I started giving myself these challenges and seeing if it would work that way, I'll, suddenly I was like dang, I'm actually good at this Same thing in my marriage. You know that my marriage hasn't always been cupcakes and rainbows, and sometimes it's still not. I don't expect it to be. It's a challenge, but that's part of the reason why I love my marriage. It's because it does challenge me. Am I up for the challenge? And the more that I challenge myself, I play and I start to again feel like this fantastic human. I just play with it.

Speaker 1: 54:52

Okay, so, my loves, that's it for today. This is the. We've gone through pillars one through four. Next week, what we'll be doing is we're going to be going through pillars five, six, seven and then also strip of forgiveness between the adversaries and the pillars and why that is so important there. So, my loves, hopefully this was helpful.

Speaker 1: 55:21

Let me know if you've got some questions and don't forget, I do help people with these pillars to shift into their fantastic human selves, to ship their relationships, to stop the gaslight and create the boundaries and to literally create a life that they love. If you guys are interested in learning more about that and how I might be able to help you, go register for a call with me. Okay, I'm really serious. You guys, come have a call with me. Let me coach you for one hour and into something great. No expectations, no judgments. Just let me support you, because that is what my mission and purpose is. This is exactly what I want to do. So if you're somebody who's really ready to change your life, you're ready to have a very different set of results, and you're willing to do whatever it takes to get there, let's chat. Okay, all right, my loves, I can't wait until next week, where we're going to be diving deeper into the fifth, sixth and seventh pillar and forgiveness, but until then, I'll see you on the other side, guys, bye.

Speaker 1: 57:00

Okay, so I've got a question for you.

Speaker 1: 57:07

Have you joined my free Facebook group or Instagram page yet?

Speaker 1: 57:14

If you haven't, go and do that, and this is the reason why I always post my freebies, updated information at all kinds of goodies for my community in that page. I'm also really active. I post videos, I answer questions. So if you guys really really want to get in and interact with me, go like me on Facebook, go join my group the other side of the struggle healing from betrayal trauma. Come find me on Instagram, aaron Anderson betrayal trauma coach, and come follow me, because I always have something good there just for you, my audience, and I love connecting with you there. I also post anytime that I have groups going on. I talk sometimes about my programs. So if you guys are interested in working with me or even just following me and getting as much free content as you possibly can, go hang out in my group, go connect with the ladies that are there. Also, come and join Immune and Unashamed for those married couples that are following me, because in that group me and my business partner, kaisen Kidd, are also talking and offering some great content.