The 7 Pillars of Living an Unashamed Life, This Changes Everything (Part 2)

Do you truly understand the power and process of healing from Betrayal Trauma? Ever pondered about the impact of trust, blame, and forgiveness on your relationships and dreams? Brace yourselves for an enlightening journey as we explore how you can break free from the shackles of trauma and reclaim your joy and identity. We'll examine trust and its dynamics, the destructive power of blame, and the transformative power of forgiveness.

Trust - it's the foundation of any relationship, yet when shattered, it can lead to damaging self-doubt and self-blame. We'll unravel how broken trust can taint your self-perception and hinder your progress towards your dreams. But don't fret, we'll also share the secrets to rebuilding trust - with ourselves, others, and God. We're going to reveal how taking responsibility and shifting blame can empower you and foster healthier relationships. Plus, we'll delve into a real-life example that showcases the consequences of not adhering to our own boundaries.

Dive in to uncover the magic of forgiveness. We'll explore its role in overcoming life's adversaries and how releasing pain can lead to peace and fulfillment. But that's not all, we're extending an invitation for you to join us in a free call to discuss transforming relationships, setting boundaries, and moving forward in life. Get ready to unlock your potential and live on the other side of the struggle!

For the Powerful and Profitable Trauma Informed Coach 5 Day Challenge, click on this link to join the challenge: https://www.kushlachadwick.com/5day-powerfulandprofitable

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:03

Hey everyone, it's Erin Anderson with the Erin Anderson B-Trail Trauma Coaching. I am super excited that you have tuned in today. Let's get talking about how to heal from B-Trail Trauma. Welcome to the other side of the struggle. This is a podcast where we talk about trauma, how to heal it and then how to take it and use it to unlock your mission and your potential and to use it to live your very best dream life. When you're dealing with B-Trail Trauma, it can be hard to know how to heal it, how to stop the pain and to know what your next steps are to take in your own life, and these are the questions that we try to answer here. Trauma has the ability to rob us of our joy and identity, which is why it's so miserable to experience. But with the right tools and with the right mindset, we can totally reclaim that joy and even use this trauma to strengthen ourselves, so that way, trauma does not knock us off of our joy again. Living your dream life should be a non-negotiable, but trauma tends to try to negotiate that with you and even though trauma is not something that we will completely ever be free of in our life, the pain is negotiable. This is why I created Aaron Andersen B-Trail Trauma Coaching and this podcast is because I want my listeners, I want my clients, to live, truly live, free from the prison that trauma can put you in. I want you to live on the other side of the struggle. Hey, everyone, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle, guys. I am really excited also about this episode with you guys because we're talking about the Pillars 5, 6, and 7, plus forgiveness today, and this is really exciting because, like I said, I love these Pillars deeply. I really feel like they make such a massive difference in the lives of people, and with previous clients that didn't know about these Pillars I'm sorry I didn't get them until like maybe a year or so ago, but what I've seen is, between the clients that have started using these Pillars versus those that didn't have them, what would take somebody normally about a year or more to accomplish is now streamlining it and taking about a month to two months to actually accomplish, and so it's really streamlined everything and made everything so much faster.

Speaker 1: 4:40

So there's that and, if you remember from last week, we talked about expectation versus intention. We talked about the victim versus the bounce back, understanding who you are, and we've also talked about the distractions. I got distracted there for a second, guys, and you know the brain on board, I'm getting our brain on board with the things that we want to do. And then we also talked about overwhelm versus play. Okay, and so if you guys haven't listened to the previous podcast, definitely go do that and then come back to this one Because, like I said, it's so incredibly powerful that I know for a fact you guys are going to love these. So, and I want you guys to understand, like the like, the prefixes and the precursors and stuff like that.

Speaker 1: 5:48

So, anyway, let's go ahead and dive in with our fifth pillar today, which or the fifth adversary, I should say, which is the fear and worry. Okay, now I hear this one a lot like how do I trust again? Right, that is a question that is often rooted in fear and worry, and the reason why and it's not no judgment against you at all it's just because you've been in that trauma cycle for so long and you just don't want to be stuck with another relationship that's going to show up for you like your previous ones have. This is especially true for people who have experienced divorce and deep betrayal, because their spouses betrayed them so badly and, unfortunately, you're never going to be married to a perfect person, right? But because of our betrayal, and we keep getting stuck in that deep betrayal, we tend to look at our relationships and other people and we get scared, really, really scared to try again, right, because of that fear and that worry.

Speaker 1: 7:23

The other reason why fear and worry can be so bad is because, at least when we get stuck in it, right is because it is also the precursor to temptation, right? Consider, like you know, like it. Has there ever been a time where you've overspent money and you're like, oh man, I'm not going to have this again and so I'm just going to have to buy it now, right? The buy now mentality which we get stuck in sometimes, especially if it's on sale it's a great deal right now, right. We get into this fear and just worry that we're not going to have the resources to get this thing and so we just buy it right, then right, and then we regret that decision. We get into that fear and the worry and then the instant regret that that can sometimes bring with it. So there's that right.

Speaker 1: 8:43

Maybe another way to also explain this is like with pornography. There's a fear and a worry of relationships, feeling like you're never going to have that intimacy again. And so you get into pornography and masturbation because of fear of something you think you're never going to have. Right, and it's just easier. It's just so much easier. But one of the reasons why sin is so bad is because it's literally a conscious choice to make yourself suffer. That's literally what it is Okay. Because here's the thing you might say that putting in effort of relationships so that way you can have that sexual connection. Or you might say, putting in the effort to actually be frugal and realize, yeah, that's a good deal right now, but that deal can come again. Or I can create this money, or, if this is something I want, like, what can I do to get it? So that way it's not going to put so much financial pressure on me, right? I've been guilty of this too, you guys, so don't get me wrong.

Speaker 1: 12:42

When we start to shift our thinking into trusting right and into that lean into like, what do we need to lean into to help us gain what it is we truly want? We don't have to live in fear If we're making life purchases and I'm not just talking about, like with money, but I'm talking about other resources, like time. Intention can be a resource, our mental ability can be a resource, our energy. If we're putting all of our time, talents and energy into a fear-based thinking, we're often going to live a life full of regrets if we keep doing that right, thinking that we have to have this now. Let me kind of give you an example.

Speaker 1: 13:41

I had a client that came to me who and granted, you know, her husband was kind of in just a really, really not good mindset when it came to money. They made good money, but he was afraid to give any of that money to her. He wanted to be in complete control of it because this was the first time that he had money and there were certain goals and dreams that he wanted to have that he did not want to wait for. But here she is she's a stay-at-home mom, she's taking care of the kids and she's got goals and dreams that she wants to finance too right, and so she would make purchases without telling him, or she would go spend a ton of money without telling him, and so money became a real problem in their marriage. She felt neglected and she felt like he was blaming her for all of the financial stuff. And granted, he was, and he felt like she couldn't be trusted, right, and in truth, they kind of both created their own reality, right? Instead of him saying, hey, what are your goals, what are your dreams, and how can I help finance that? Here's what's in the budget here, take this and use this wisely, and instead of hers being like, hey, here's some of my goals, here's some of my dreams. Do you think we can budget this much for me to start actually living some of that?

Speaker 1: 15:33

Instead of coming together, they made each other the enemy and they saw each other as the reason why they couldn't achieve something. So what we did is we got them into this pillar number six. Right, you know what, guys? I'm just realizing that I started pillar number six and not number five, so we'll get back to number five here in just a second. But we start. I got them into this pillar number six and we started talking about how their actions were based off of fear and worry and where it was that landing them in the relationship.

Speaker 1: 16:08

I am fearful that she's not going to respect this money. I worry that she's going to spend it too quickly and then she's going to come back and ask me for more and I'm not going to have it right. I worry that he's not going to respect my ability to create. I worry that he's not going to give me permission to spend money. I worry that he's going to keep it all to himself and that I'm going to be unseen and unheard in this relationship when it comes to money.

Speaker 1: 16:42

And so that's what their thinking was, and so what we did is we got them to shift and say okay, so how do we set boundaries around this? The boundary is not she doesn't get any or I'm just going to take it. That's not the boundary. That's not a win-win situation. That is a lose-lose situation because she did spend it too quickly and ended up feeling even more in debt to life because she wasn't being intentional with it. She was starving, so she ate too quickly, right and over here he's feeling disrespected for all the work that he's doing, when in reality, to truly respect her and her work is to also share some of this prosperity making sure that she is also able to take care of some things and spend some money right On some of the things that she wants to do, like making sure that some of her goals and her wishes and her dreams are also being financed. That's important, and so what I did is we got them together and we talked about how we were feeling right, what our fears and our worries were, what we were feeling, why. What was the thought process? We took them through the five-step thought process right and got them to say here's the circumstances, these are our thoughts about the circumstances, these are the feelings and these are the way that we're acting around them and these are the results we're getting right. And we started talking about what are the thoughts that we need to actually have. Number one she can be trusted with money Right now. This is what I can budget. I am going to communicate that with her and make sure that she gets that right.

Speaker 1: 18:49

And all of a sudden, he felt like a fantastic human for funding her dreams and still also being able to fund his own. And all of a sudden she started feeling like a fantastic human because she wasn't taking from him. She was working with him and creating this dream of her own and for her. She had to admit that she wouldn't like it if somebody kept taking things from her, if she had worked hard for that. She wouldn't like it if somebody kept taking it from her. Either she didn't like that feeling, either she had to admit that to him and say and agree to an amount also to start funding her mission and purpose, to start funding the things that she wanted to do, and all of a sudden, both of them started working together, being able to trust each other, and really leaned into this relationship.

Speaker 1: 19:57

When we lean into, we learn where we can trust. Now here's the deal. Maybe your spouse is not being trust worthy with money. Maybe they're not being trustworthy because they're stuck in gaming mode. Maybe they're stuck in pornography.

Speaker 1: 20:15

There's a lot of things that can make us distrust a person. Maybe you have been betrayed I get that, no judgment. But if that is you, then it's also okay to say that we can trust God. We can ask ourselves how are we not trusting the Lord? How is all of this transmuting into a trust issue with God? See, one of the things we get to ask ourselves when it comes to trusting God is do we trust him and his ability to show us who we truly are? Do we trust him and his ability to help us actually see the person that we married, or the person that we're working with or our relationships, and can he help us see ourselves clearly? Do we trust him to provide for our mission and purpose? Do we trust him to be God and that we can be calm in the storm? Do we trust him to drive that ship in the storm? Do we trust him? Can we trust him with difficult people in our lives? Can we trust him to teach them, instead of us always having to be the one responsible for it? See, we get to lean into at least that when we start asking ourselves okay, well, what can I trust? It gives us this ability to start getting clear and we start really leaning into this. What is it that I can trust?

Speaker 1: 22:08

Because a lot of times, people feel like they can't trust other people because they can't trust themselves. Now, granted, yes, you might have been betrayed, right. But if you're having self-doubt, like thoughts of I just don't know if I can do this. I just don't know if I can be trusted with money or if I can trust myself with this relationship. I don't know if I can trust myself to not get angry. I don't know if I can trust myself to not XYZ, right. Those are all self-trust issues and somewhere we've bought into something with that betrayal about who we are. It's not true, but we've bought into it because it's caused us to not trust ourselves and, honestly, there's always some level of self-trust somewhere.

Speaker 1: 23:04

If we're not doing what we say we're going to do, if we are breaking our own word, that causes major self-trust issues and that distracts us from learning to trust God, because we get into this vicious cycle of should I'm shoulding on myself, I should have, I should have, I should have and that's a distraction, right, and if you remember from last week, the opposite of distraction is the brain on board. So you have to show our brain what it is we want and actually go do that thing to show us, to show ourselves, that we can be trusted with ourselves, that we are trustworthy and that God can be trusted too, because he created something fantastic the day he created us, and we're going to go out and do fantastic things because of it. Okay, now, because I totally skipped pillar number five, we're going to backtrack to that and the adversary to pillar number five is blame. Now, this is also something a lot of narcissistic people or narcissistic tendencies get stuck in. It has to be somebody else's fault, right, and you can see that blame language and the victim kind of coinciding here, right? But if we think it's always somebody else's fault, or even our own fault, if we're constantly even blaming ourselves, blame literally takes the power of the do out of your hand. You rip it out of your own hand and you throw it at somebody else or even yourself. You're basically saying you can do nothing in this situation.

Speaker 1: 25:08

Okay, and to give you an example of blame versus ownership okay, now, I've been doing ownership for a while, meaning I asked myself okay, what could I have done better? Right, not with judgment and not with the shitting and not with the shame. I get rid of all that stuff. That doesn't need to follow me, right, it's just a simple curiosity. I'm just going to get curious Like huh, that didn't go the way I had thought it would go. So what can I do differently? How can I change my actions to meet the result that I want? Right, that's the thought process behind ownership. But the thought process behind blame is well, I'm never going to have that result because this person didn't do what I think they should have done. Remember the expectation? You see that too, okay, in the blame language expectation, victimhood.

Speaker 1: 26:19

You know, getting distracted, that's all there, and feeling totally overwhelmed by what somebody else did or did not do. That's all wrapped up in blame as well. Right, we blame someone else, say that it's their fault and therefore we can do nothing about it, and we're just going to sit here and be angry because we're never going to have that thing. And I see this a lot in, especially, women that have been betrayed. And again, no judgment. Okay, but they blame their husband for not being able to have a deeply connected relationship. Right, and sitting there saying, well, I guess I'm just worthless, I guess that I'm just not good enough, I guess I'm not lovable and he's just a horrible human. Because when you sit there and think these things about somebody else, you're also questioning your judgment because you chose him in the first place. Right, this also causes a mistrust in you, because you sit there and wonder how did I get myself in this situation? How could I have been so stupid? That's all written in that language.

Speaker 1: 27:42

So we get into this blame. We blame ourselves and we blame other people. It doesn't give us the ability to say that we have. It doesn't give us the ability to trust ourselves, to make good decisions when it comes to picking people in our lives. It causes big problems. And we, as humans, it is by our very nature to have deeply, beautifully connected relationships in our lives. We want that. We want to feel love, we want to feel cherished, and the only way to do that is number one to love and cherish ourselves. Connect with God, also have relationships in our lives that show up to supports that way, and we do that by number one taking ownership. Taking ownership looks like setting boundaries.

Speaker 1: 28:48

Now, it's all fine and dandy to set boundaries with other people, but first and foremost, you must set boundaries with yourself. You cannot expect someone else to live all these boundaries when you are breaking them. That's the very definition of hypocrisy. When we start saying, hey, you know what? This is the way I'm going to live and it's a way that makes us feel proud of ourselves. It's a way to live in honor and integrity. That is where we start to shift, we start to grow, and that's when we can also set boundaries for other people. If we are trampling our own flower patches, we cannot get mad at other people for jumping the fence and doing the same thing. We have to, first and foremost, know where our own gate is, open that gate and walk through the path so we're not trampling the flowers of our own self-conscious and our own life. So that way we can turn around and show other people where the gate is, to have them come through the gate as well. We have to respect ourselves enough to give ourselves guidelines to live within our moral and our value system, and then we can create boundaries for other people.

Speaker 1: 30:14

If we have no boundaries with ourselves, you cannot have boundaries with other people. They will consistently be walked on Because you don't know where your boundaries are. You truly don't. Now you guys might be able to say, well, yeah, I do, I don't like this and this and this. Okay, well, that's fine, but are you living that yourself? Because if you're not, then no, you cannot intend for anyone else to have any kind of respect for you If you can't respect yourself, and respecting yourself means you're going to set boundaries with yourself. If you don't have boundaries with yourself, there is no self respect.

Speaker 1: 31:05

Okay, so, for example, I had a client who had a boss, actually, and the boss had all of these boundaries that she had with her employees. Right, such as you speak to me respectfully, right, you show up, you do your job and you create a surviving workspace, you respect each other as well. Those were her boundaries. The boss would gossip about other people on her team to other people on her team. The boss would throw her workload onto other people on her team while she took the rest of the day off or she just sat back and she called her friends on the phone. And the boss was also incredibly demoralizing demeaning in her language to the people she worked under or who she worked under her. Excuse me, that boss had what we call leaky boundaries. Pretty soon everybody in the office was constantly complaining about the boss. They were cruel to her face, they didn't do their work and literally the whole company was falling to pieces. And that boss got fired because her bosses were seeing the work that her crew was doing and how she wasn't leading them, versus the way that these other crews were working and how their bosses were leading those crews right. That boss got fired because she was not living her own boundaries.

Speaker 1: 33:17

When we do not live by our own boundaries, life tends to fire us or we can become fired from other relationships. Ownership is legitimately setting boundaries for yourself and living them. Another example of this is I think it was last summer. My husband and I had gotten into it, we were having an argument and I was really frustrated with him, so I went for a walk to clear my head. The entire time I was on my walk, I sat there and thought to myself, oh, he just should, but I never. He just should, but I never, like, such as I never talked to him that way. But man, he always talks to me this way, like what a jerk, right, I'm always respectful of him and his thoughts and I try to see things from his point of view, but he never does that for me. I always, he never, I always, he never, I always, he never.

Speaker 1: 34:26

And it just became this vicious cycle in my head and all of a sudden I paid attention to the way I was thinking and I'm like, oh my gosh, hold on, I am totally blaming him. Right now I'm blaming him for everything. I think I'm better than him. And I immediately because I was puffing myself up, saying to myself I had done nothing wrong and I immediately turned around and I walked back home and I apologized immediately to my husband, because I don't like it when other people think that they're better than me, setting my own boundary there, right that I'm not better than anybody else. I'm not, I'm not. I'm just not better than anybody else. I may have done things better, but am I more worthy? Am I more precious to God? No, I'm still incredibly precious to God, but not more so than anybody else that God has created. They're precious to him too. So who am I to say I'm better? Right, that's one of my boundaries, and when I break that boundary, I immediately go and I shift it.

Speaker 1: 35:56

But this is the thing it helps me stay in integrity with myself. When somebody comes into my space treating me less than what I deserve and saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't get to believe that you're better than me. That's not fair, that's not okay, and I'm not going to be treated this way because I do not want to treat other people that way, right? Okay, so we take some ownership over our lives, taking back the accountability for what we actually can do. Instead of placing all of the blame with someone else and saying it's all on them, right, we get to turn it around and say hold on a second. What can I actually do in this relationship to make it better? Because everything I have done, everything I've said, the way I've shown up, been perfect. And if it's a no because it most likely will be let me just get to change those things and set some self boundaries for ourselves. Okay, all right, so we've done pillar number five. We've already done pillar number six, so let's talk about pillar number seven, which is the anchor, and the adversary is vengeance.

Speaker 1: 37:21

Okay, now, granted, I don't see a lot of people in the vengeance category. To be honest with you, you have to be really, really stuck in anger for a really long time in order to get into that vengeful, like I'm just going to show them kind of an attitude. Right, but here's my question for you If you are stuck in vengeance, what happens if that vengeance is fulfilled? Are you finally going to be happy? Then, most likely, you're going to be left with a hole. Most likely, you're going to look for something else to venge against.

Speaker 1: 38:12

If you think that there is no justice in your life and you're on this consistent pursuit of justice and making yourself the person that is responsible for all the justice in the world, then you're going to be chasing some like that rainbow for a very long time. There is no end to that rainbow and there's no pot of gold there either. Vengeance becomes a consistent pursuit in somebody's life when we demand justice and we put our lives on hold until that justice is served. Then we're going to be waiting a long time to live, and why is your life not worth it to you to live now? Why is your life not worth living to the point that you have to wait for somebody else to suffer before you try to live? That's not fair to you, that's not fair to the people that love you, that's not fair to God. He created you to live now, not in ten years, not when somebody finally has the justice.

Speaker 1: 39:46

And you misunderstand that justice has already been taken care of, especially for Christians. Christ said that he came into the world to take upon Himself the sins of the world. He paid for every single one already. Would you ask Him to climb back up on that cross just so you can have your vengeance and your justice, so you can actually see it, see how that turns into a trust issue with the Lord. I'm not saying that we should allow people to walk all over us, you know. Not at all. But if you're waiting to live your life because you want somebody else to pay, pay, pay up, then you're never going to go out and create what it is you're meant to create. It's not possible. So this is where we get to actually anchor in to truth, to gratitude, to love.

Speaker 1: 40:53

The opposite of the trauma cycle is the gratitude cycle, when we get into gratitude and we start finding all of the things that we love in our life. And if you tell me that there's nothing there to love, you're not looking hard enough. I'm telling you that much. Okay, there is good in your life. If you have experienced love in any of its forms which you have because you know it exists then that's something to be grateful for. Maybe somebody handed you a dollar or even a quarter. That's something to be grateful for. There's little, tiny things, another day to live, the sun came up, everything that we can be grateful for. Pull it out, because the more gratitude we are in, the more love we feel. The more love we feel, the more truth we gain. The more truth we gain, the more gratitude we feel. The more gratitude we feel, the more love we feel. The more love we feel, the more truth we gain.

Speaker 1: 41:56

And this is a cycle that spirals you upwards into feeling like that fantastic human, into feeling like you really do not have to be chained down by the actions of another person. Just because somebody else showed up like a total dingle schnard in your life does not mean that you have a ball and chain on you. You are the only one that puts a ball and chain on yourself. And that ball and chain is vengeance and so heavy and it is hard to move when you are stuck in vengeance and waiting for someone else to feel that justice. But the key to unlock it all is gratitude. Stop getting distracted by what someone else did right and start focusing instead on what you get to do. And that is the whole purpose between the adversaries and the pillars, right Is that we get to focus now on what we can do. That is the purpose.

Speaker 1: 43:02

The last piece to this is forgiveness. See, forgiveness is the very act of giving up one of those adversaries. It does not mean that we allow someone else to get away with what they have done. Not at all. It does not mean we allow them to do it again. It is not the act of self-retrail. This is not that at all. As a matter of fact, forgiveness is keeping yourself out of self-betrayal.

Speaker 1: 43:39

That is what forgiveness is, and the way that works looks like this okay, number one we trust God. We trust God to help us live in joy. It says all through the scriptures, you guys, that men are that they might have joy. And if we're not feeling joy, yes, it could possibly mean that somebody has recently betrayed you, and that can be hard, right, but it doesn't mean we give up our joy. In that moment we can be sad, we can actually hurt, but also have joy all at the same time. It is possible. And we find that joy when we decide to focus on love and truth and gratitude. Well, can we be grateful for in those moments? How can we increase our love so it's sufficient to cover the cost, and what truth do we find in the end that gives us deep wisdom and makes us proud of ourselves? That is the gratitude cycle. That is what anchors us into the pillars and into a fantastic life that we love living.

Speaker 1: 45:06

See, when we have our own backs, we give up the pain. We don't hold on to it to wait until somebody else suffers the way we do. No, we don't want to hold it. We are done with the pain, we don't want it. So it is for the giving. We give up the expectation so we may have intention. We give up the victim mentality so we may know ourselves. We give up distractions so that way we can get our brain to do the heavy lifting. We give up the overwhelm so that way we can have play and joy and love in our lives. We give up the blame so that way we can be incongruous and truthful and respectful to ourselves. We give up the fear and the worry so that way we may learn to trust God in ourselves. We give up the vengeance so that way we may live in joy. It is for the giving when we give it up to Christ. That is the whole purpose of why he was created.

Speaker 1: 46:28

When we say we are forgiving, we are legitimately forgiving Christ. We are not forgiving another person. We are giving up the pain, the burden and trusting him with all the justice to Christ. We are legitimately forgiving Christ and allowing him, trusting him that he can teach this other person better than what we can that he is their God and their Savior, not us. But if they don't change, if they don't repent and if they continue to act in the way that is inappropriate, that doesn't mean we have to keep them in our lives.

Speaker 1: 47:23

Sometimes the kind of thing we can do for someone else is to let them go. That means that the justice of that person's actions is between them and God. This is why in the scriptures it says that he who refuses to forgive, it is within him that holds the greater sin, and remember, sin is there is a conscious choice to suffer. We cause greater suffering in ourselves when we hold on to that pain and we drive that knife in deeper, when we pull that knife out and we let Christ come over and heal it and hand the sharp object to him. Well now, this is evidence To him. He has the forensic evidence To be the judge in the case.

Speaker 1: 48:28

The blood of the prophets cry from the ground. He will give justice to those that need it, not because he is angry, but because he also understands. The most loving thing he can do for that person is to give them what they have asked for. If they have asked for suffering, he cannot stop their suffering, but if they have asked for peace and if they have asked for love and if they have asked for support and if they have asked to be cherished, he will give what it is we have asked for. So when we give up this pain, he gives us something to replace it with. He does not leave a hole, he fills it. He gives us something back and puts a bomb there for our own good, to help us fulfill our mission and purpose.

Speaker 1: 49:38

He never promised that we would go through life without wounds, but he promised that he would heal everyone, as long as we are conscious in there to realize that when we gain a wound, that whatever the sharp object was that created it, we give it up, we don't drive it deeper, so that way he may come and heal the wound. The point where we don't really even have a scar, we gain wisdom. We realize the pattern that is before us of people that are not really ready to be in our sphere of influence versus those that are. That is the whole point of forgiveness, is giving it up and if you're not, you know Christian giving it up to your highest form of love. The love wants to take it and heal it. The highest form of love can deal with the justice, because that is what perfection is. It's the highest form of love.

Speaker 1: 50:50

All right, my loves. I hope that this was helpful, learning about the seven pillars and the seven adversaries and how we can give up the adversaries for the pillars and that the adversaries actually do have a place right, but not with us, not with me, sorry, I don't want them. So we always have that need for forgiveness right, because anytime we do find ourselves in one of those adversaries is the very active forgiving that puts us into the pillar. Okay, all right. So next week I have a fantastic guest coming on. She's going to be talking about being married to the jalapeno and we've called the episode cooling the jalapeno, so be watching for that. She's really gone through some difficult things and, like the things that she's learned from her experiences has been powerful and amazing, and so I can't wait to share this with you and, as you listen next week, see if you can find out what pillars she found herself in in the end. Okay, all right, my loves. Last thing, sorry, there is one more thing.

Speaker 1: 52:14

I am again going to invite you guys to a call with me If you are ready to change your relationships, if you're ready to feel cherished, if you're ready to stop the gaslighting, if you're ready to build boundaries and if you're really ready to move forward with life on your terms, doing whatever it takes to gain the life that you are dreaming of, and you need relationships there to show up to support you. Please schedule that call with me. It is a free one hour call. No judgment, no, no expectations. Okay, it's just there to help you. That is what they are for. Okay, the link is in the description below. Go click on that to schedule that call, that one-on-one call with me. Get some coaching and in the meantime, I will see you on the other side, you guys, okay.

Speaker 1: 53:26

So I've got a question for you. Have you joined my free Facebook group or Instagram page yet? If you haven't, go and do that and this is the reason why I always post my freebies, updated information and all kinds of goodies for my community in that page I'm also really active. I post videos, I answer questions. So if you guys really really want to get in and interact with me, go like me on Facebook, go join my group.

Speaker 1: 54:03

The other side of the struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma. Come find me on Instagram, aaron Anderson, betrayal Trauma Coach, and come follow me, because I always have something good there just for you, my audience, and I love connecting with you there. I also post anytime that I have groups going on. I talk sometimes about my programs. So if you guys are interested in working with me or even just following me and getting as much free content as you possibly can, go hang out in my group, go connect with the ladies that are there. Also, come and join Immune and Unashamed for those married couples that are following me, because in that group me and my business partner, kaisen Kidd, are also talking and offering some great content.