And He Knew His Wife

Ever wondered what it is that women truly crave from their husbands? This soul-stirring episode peels back the layers of a wife's heart, revealing six core desires that men are often oblivious to. We're not just talking about favorite flowers or films here; it's about the profound understanding of her aspirations, the silent weight of her mental load, and how her partner can be a pillar of support and encouragement. As your host, I walk you through the misconceptions that undermine marriages and lay out a blueprint for cultivating a partnership that thrives on mutual respect and genuine connection.

Then, we navigate the delicate balance of maintaining individuality while weaving a shared tapestry of dreams within a marriage. It's a dance between independence and unity, where communication becomes the music that guides the steps of both partners. I share insights from biblical teachings and the intrinsic nature of relationships to illustrate how true partnership flourishes. By the end of our journey together, husbands will be equipped to forge deeper bonds with their wives, ensuring that intimacy transcends the physical realm and blossoms into a secure, loving environment. Don't miss out on this transformative dialogue that will empower your marriage and ignite a renewed passion for the shared path ahead.

For the Powerful and Profitable Trauma Informed Coach 5 Day Challenge, click on this link to join the challenge: https://www.kushlachadwick.com/5day-powerfulandprofitable

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:56

Hey, my loves, welcome back to another episode of the Other Side of the Struggle. So today we are talking about what every woman wants her husband to know, and you know that's kind of a broad topic and kind of a charged topic sometimes, because, you know, one of the last things that I actually want for my listeners and for my clients is to have a divide, you know, in their relationship. But if you're listening to this podcast, there might be a chance that you're already feeling one, because I talk a lot about relationship trauma, especially between husbands and wives, right, especially between husbands and wives, right. One thing that I really want to make very clear is that I'm also an advocate for the guys. I do love the guys, I think they're great and I think that there's so many great things about men out there, but I also believe that if we are to change society in general, make the family a priority, then we really need to start talking to the guys and letting them know what is a priority to women, to their women in particular. And this whole idea that women are confusing no, I'm sorry, that's just a societal bullcrap being fed to them, this whole idea that women are just supposed to be confusing. We're just supposed to change your mind all the time. Well, if that was the case, then we would not be monogamous creatures now, would we? The truth of the matter is is we're not that complicated. We do want a great guy next to us in life to help us in life, and we want to have a partner in life. That's very simple. We want connectiveness, we want vulnerability, and these are things that strengthen a relationship. For crying out loud, there's a lot of things in society where men are being told certain things about women and women are being told certain things about men that are just not true. So we're going to dive in today about the thing, the things that every woman wants her husband to know. There's six things, guys. Six, and it's really really simple things. Number one she wants you to know her likes and her dislikes. Very simple Now that might take some work to figure out, because guess what?

Speaker 1: 4:04

Women are also told throughout history, and especially in today's society, that our likes and our dislikes don't matter. This is also a generational thing. Back in the 1940s and 50s, and even somewhat into the 60s, women were told that they just needed to sit down, shut up and be pretty, that our whole world revolved around our husbands and the work he did. If you listen to the pamphlets that they published for women back then, they're kind of chauvinistic I'm sorry they are when it's saying that the thing that you need to do for your spouse is teach them like, not teach them, but make sure your children look perfect, make sure that the dinner is on the table, make sure that the house is spotless and clean and make sure you yourself look absolutely perfect, that you have to have your makeup done and your hair done. I'm sorry, it's unrealistic. I should know. I'm a mom and the last thing I want to do for my husband is burn myself out consistently and then let him expect me to be ready for sex when I have been exhausted. But this is somewhat of what we have been taught to do.

Speaker 1: 5:42

We want our men to understand that we have a lot going on. We do a lot of things and we really do take on a lot of the mental load in the relationship. We have to get people to appointments. We're juggling doctor's appointments. We're juggling dinner. We're juggling housework. We're juggling work. Often now we're juggling a lot of these different things soccer games, basketball games, playdates all of this and more and it's mentally taxing. So it's very understandable that a woman needs a lot of quiet time to herself as well. We need guys to know and see that we are doing a lot, that we are doing a lot. We need you to know our likes and our dislikes for this reason Because sometimes we are so mentally invested in what's going on with the family and everything else and all the other irons in our fires, but sometimes we need someone to stand in and say hey, I know you love to craft.

Speaker 1: 7:26

I'm going to take the kids down to the park for a few hours and after that I'm going to take them to a movie. That'll give you several hours to yourself. We're going to get the house clean for you so that way you can just relax and watch a movie if you want to you know that favorite movie of yours. Or you can craft something or paint. Maybe go to the pickleball courts, go get a massage and give yourself some time to mentally detox.

Speaker 1: 7:58

We need somebody to remind us sometimes to take care of ourselves, because we are taking care of so many other people that it's very easy for a woman to forget herself. Now I'm not saying that, guys. It is 100% on you to do that, but I can tell you how much we appreciate guys who remind us that we're important enough for our own thoughts and our own time. Number two we want our husbands to know what our goals, dreams and visions are. So this is a guy that's going to be checking in. Hey, I know you wanted to create that XYZ thing. Whatever happened to that? Whatever happened to that? Huh, would you like me to create some time for you to work on that project? We also love it and sometimes this is really scary for guys.

Speaker 1: 9:15

But to help us fund that project, if we're busy with the kids and building a business and doing all of these other things and honestly, just being a stay-at-home mom and not having a business is a more than full-time job, because we don't get sick days, we don't get paid overtime, we don't get sick days, we don't get paid overtime, we don't get paid at all, but yet we are doing this thing to help you go out and create money. If the mother was out of the home, was not in the picture and the father had to earn a living but also make sure that he had someone in the home taking care of his kids, he would most likely be having to pay that person in the upwards of $1,500 a day for their time, their expenses, their own children and the food that their children are eating. All three of these things and more that go into child care only and the other person's time would equal up to about $1,500 a day. Yet when it comes to the wife who is doing this because she loves him and she loves her children without pay, it's really important to know that we also want a life. We want somebody to help us fund some of these things, some of our goals and our dreams. We didn't sign up to throw our own lives away for our children. We do want the children and we want to show our children that they can have their goals and their dreams and a family at the same time.

Speaker 1: 11:37

The idea that we have to literally give up our identity is bogus. The idea that we have to give up whatever it is we wanted and this is the same for the guys too just because we have a family is bogus. What that is is that is resentment building for both partners because we're in a partnership together. That partnership is what makes possibility happen. As well as family, we can have more than one thing that we want as long as we're working together in a partnership, we want you to recognize our goals and our dreams and our visions and make those things important to you, and we want you to also make your goals, dreams and visions important as well. We love a guy with ambition. We just want you to communicate those things to us and make ours equally important.

Speaker 1: 12:50

We want you to know our strengths and our weaknesses our strengths and our weaknesses, because if you love us, no matter what, if you still love us, even though we have our weaknesses and guys we do you have weaknesses and we want somebody to still be loving and loyal to us and think that we are the most wonderful thing. We want you to know that. We want to feel like we're the most wonderful thing in your life, even though we're not perfect, because there are going to be times where we're not going to feel very safe and sometimes, in those unsafe moments, our weaknesses come up. In those moments, we want to be held and not have things fixed for us, necessarily, but have a partner there that will ask us good questions. Have you considered doing this? What do you think about this? What have you tried to solve this problem. Oh baby, that's really hard. I can imagine that would be really tough.

Speaker 1: 14:15

We want a man who's going to be able to check in with us to ask us how we felt about the way he did something, to ask us for our feedback, because he values our mind, he values our opinion and he values our mind. He values our opinion and he values our emotions. That's strength to us. A man who's not afraid of his own consequences, his own actions and how they have, in turn, affected us and how they have, in turn, affected us. A man who is willing to listen to us so that way he can turn around and also adjust and change, because we're important to him. We want him to be honest and vulnerable with us.

Speaker 1: 17:46

We don't want to be kept guessing whether or not you have a porn addiction or whether or not you've recently looked at porn, or whether or not you're even thinking about porn or another woman. We want you to be honest and vulnerable with us, and it doesn't necessarily just have to be with pornography either. There are going to be times where you're struggling emotionally and we want to be there there to soothe you, to be strong for you, to be able to hold space For you Because you matter to us. See when we're able and we feel confident in being able to love and support you even in your vulnerable times. We feel valued. We feel like you value our belief and our opinion and our honesty. We want you to know that we are priceless and we want to know that we are priceless to you. We want to be treated like the pearl of great price.

Speaker 1: 19:27

If you were to get a truck that you have wanted for a very long time, that you have studied. We want to be studied and you've studied this truck and how it moves and its inner workings, and you have desired this truck for a long time. And once you have it, you continue to take care of it, you continue to make sure it's polished and in its best shape. You change the oil, you do what is needed to make sure this truck is at its best ability to run for you. You may choose when something is very important to a man. He studies it, he maintains it, he cares for it, he cherishes it and he gets excited every single time he thinks about it. It's priceless to him because he's worked hard for it.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Men sometimes tend to think that once they have the girl, or or they have us, then that's it. They can relax. But we want to still feel important to you, even after we've entered in a relationship with you. We want you to still take us to dinner and be mindful of the things that we like. Put a little effort into us. The last thing we want a man to know is that we are your greatest gift from God. Adam was not the last creation. It was Eve, and Eve was created for Adam. Now I know that in the Christian community that it's viewed that Eve was the one who sinned first and so therefore bears a lot of the burden. But I kind of think that Eve also knew, after she had taken the fruit, that it was necessary to struggle together in order to bring man to be. Eve is a beautiful example of how a woman can actually hold a man accountable, and this is one of the things that the feminine does.

Speaker 1: 22:48

The masculine creates a space for the feminine. I love watching my roosters and my chickens. My roosters will make sure that the hens eat before they feed themselves. They make sure to give nice quiet spaces to the hens to create their eggs. They escort my cute little hens into the nesting boxes so she can wait there with her until she's comfortable. They're a gentleman and it's a good example of what a masculine does for a feminine. They realize that the feminine is priceless. They create this space for her to create, to grow, to flourish and to sit back and wonder and awe as she does so with the things that he provides for her. The feminine therefore also keeps the masculine accountable to his own goals and his dreams and his purpose as well. They work together very beautifully, in harmony. They cultivate each other in a very, very great way and they complement each other.

Speaker 1: 24:32

We want our husbands to know that we are the greatest gift, because we were the last creation, or the man.

Speaker 1: 24:49

This is what it means to know your wife. In the bible it talks about he knew his wife. We often think of that as a sexual experience between husband and wife, and that is true, but it comes down to us truly being known and knowing that we are known by our husband Because he studies us, he cherishes us, he creates a space for us. When we are known by our husbands, we know he cherishes us, he has studied us, he takes time To make our wants and our wishes a priority to him, because he really, really does love, love what he has, and he wants that to grow and he wants that to flourish. And when we feel this known by our husbands, we want to be intimate with him Because we feel safe, we feel loved and we feel safe, we feel loved and we feel important. We want to culminate this.

Speaker 1: 26:10

What we want our husbands to know is we want him to know us, we want him to know us, we want him to know who we are. So, please, husbands, know your wives, because I promise you there is nothing that will make you feel more masculine than truly knowing the woman by your side. All right, my loves, that's it. That's it for this week. If you would love more support and more help in your relationships and if you would really love to get to know each other and know yourselves on a much deeper level, if you would love help letting go of the trauma and the fears and really step into confidence and boundaries and finding yourself again, please feel free to book that call. I would love to book that call. I would love to help you further. All right, my loves, that's it for this week. Until next week, I'll see you on the other side. Bye, guys.