Finally Feeling Supported, Appreciated, Seen, and Heard

One of the things that can cause recurring trauma in our nervous systems is the idea that we aren't heard, appreciate, seen, or supported.

AND, sometimes it's absolutely true that we're not!

Sometimes what we have to say or what we think may feel inconvenient to someone else.

So, what do we do to feel heard, appreciated, seen, and supported?

That's what we get into in today's episode.

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Hey my loves. Welcome back to another episode of Bold Hearts Big Moves. I'm really excited to be here with you guys, and we're going to dive into how to finally feel supported, appreciated, and seen today, which is huge if you're trying to build whatever empire you're trying to build, whether that be a business in your home. Women are incredibly good at building empires. And it's really hard though to build those empires when we're not feeling supported. So if you're somebody who would like some support, go book that call. It's in the description below. You will get a call with me. And we will talk about your boundaries, what they need to look like, how to craft them, and what they sound like. So that way you can communicate them effectively, easily, and clearly. So that way you can contain your freedom, your peace, your space, and your success. So if you guys are ready to take advantage of that call, these are completely free. There is no obligation whatsoever to ever buy anything. They are just there to help you. So if you guys would like that call, go book it right now. And let's dive into this episode. So here's the thing: if you want to feel more supported, appreciated, and seen in your healing, your growth and in your business, you have to stop waiting for people to magically get it. And start creating relationships, standards, and communication that allow support to actually reach you. Because here's the thing: it is very important for us to feel supported in life. So that way we can create what we need to create or what we want to create in life. One of the most painful parts of healing, self-growth, and building a business is how alone it can feel sometimes. See, the thing is, is you might say that I just want some help, and I get it. If you're saying that, you're probably somebody that's had a lot thrown on you, and you're not feeling very seen, you're not feeling very heard, and if that's the case, you're definitely not feeling supported. But that's really what you're saying is I want to feel supported, I want to feel appreciated, and I want to feel seen for what I'm really doing. I want somebody to actually understand it and acknowledge it. And granted, it is very hard for men to see it. They're used to coming home and having a lot of things taken care of. And they don't really understand what's going on in our minds. All the appointments we have to keep track of. Now we're also having to not have to, I'm sorry, but like no, and we're also building businesses, we're building a home, we're keeping track of the kids, the schedules, what's for dinner, what what kind of grocery list do we need? Okay, budget. Like, there's so much going on with our brains, and we're really kind of amazing. Women really are very amazing to be able to handle it all, but can also be really overwhelming, and it can stress and fry your nervous system. If people are like, oh, she doesn't have much to do, let's just throw it on her. Yeah, no, not okay. This isn't about becoming needy, because that's not what support is. It's about becoming clear and well supported. See, support means safety, it means partnership, it means emotional relief, shared responsibility, being witnessed. And support is not just practical, support is emotional, it's relational, and it tells your nervous system that I'm not doing this alone. And that I don't have to do it alone. Support is very important. Because if we feel like we're doing everything alone, again, that's a trauma. And we will respond in trauma. And when we respond in trauma, we close up, we shut down, and everything kind of tends to unravel. And in that moment, that's sometimes when actually oftentimes we're not still seen even in those moments. And I'm not saying this to put you know a damper on things, but this is why boundaries are so important. When we know who we are and we deserve to be supported, we can say it. We have the courage and the clarity to say this. Hey, I'm not feeling very supported right now. I am feeling overwhelmed, unseen, unheard, and unappreciated. And when somebody's like, well, I'm feeling those things too, you can say, I am making this about me right now, not about you. I really would love your support in this. Are you willing to give it? And you know, that's not harsh, that's not mean. That's direct. And that's really important to be able to communicate directly with someone, especially when you are in need of their support. So that way you can have and create the things that you say you want to create and the the things that your your family needs, and the family wants to create, the things you want to create for your clients. The impact you want to have in this world is going to require support from other people. Straight up. Even in this episode, I ask for your support by curr by booking a call with me. Yes, my clients support me, but I in turn support them. See, a healthy relationship has a support transaction. And if we're not feeling supported, there is a reason why we must bring it up. Because the relationship will feel very one-sided and very uneven and very unbalanced if we don't. Support means safety, partnership, emotional relief, shared responsibility again, being witnessed. These are all very necessary. And appreciation and being seen are forms of emotional support, financial support, physical support, spiritual support, mental support. We need someone to understand us. And we don't need more advice, we we just need to feel valued in what we're already doing. That really is important. And see, here's the reason why a lot of us don't feel supported. There's unclear communication, maybe there's low standards or leaky boundaries. We get into people pleasing again because of leaky boundaries. Maybe we're overfunctioning, which happens a lot in women, and choosing relationships that are mire our strength, but don't actually support our humanity. That one's rough. Because women are really strong. We do handle a lot, but we're not robots. We still have emotions, desires, pathways we want to go, and that does not deserve to be taken advantage of. We are emotional beings, and we are emotional because emotions will point to truth. We know this instinctively. But truth comes when we land in self-compassion. And so when we land in self-judgment, it's okay, it's just that we haven't gone far enough. And a lot of people don't understand this, and women are a lot more attuned to emotions because we're a lot more attuned to the little tiny things that need to change for everyone's benefit. A lot of women are surrounded by people who benefit from how strong they are, but don't know how to support them as they grow. And this can happen in marriage, in family, friendships, business, client relationships, team relationships. This can even happen within ourselves. And when we just want support, it's really hard when we're feeling like we don't have it. But this is why we also need to define what support looks like for us. If we don't define it, we can't effectively communicate it. See, you've got to ask yourself, what does support look like to me? What would make me feel appreciated? What would help me feel seen? How do I want to be heard? What do I wish other people around me understood? And I'm going to amp this up just a little bit because this is also talking about how we want our relationships to interact with us. But let's amp this up and let's get back to that boundary of being your own best friend and ask ourselves: how can I turn this on me? How do I support myself? Like, if I what does support look like to me, and how do I give that to myself? Here's an example. Okay, to me, support looks like honest conversation where the other person is actively trying to understand me, not judge me, understand. They're asking me questions so that way they can understand the position I'm coming from, why I'm coming from that position, why that position matters to me. So that way they have the information that they need to be able to make decisions that include me because I'm important in their life. So, how does that look with me? Giving that to myself. I listen to what my body is saying, I listen to what my emotions are saying, my listening boundary is very high. I listen to myself, I respect myself, I understand myself, and I do talk to myself. Not like a crazy person, luckily. Maybe I do, I don't know. But I do speak to myself too and ask myself questions so I can clarify why something comes up. You know, I had a run-in with someone that was is less than nice. I'll just say that. And this person was is blaming me for things that are outside of my control. Like, there's no way I can even do anything about what this person's blaming me for. And I engaged in I want you to understand me type of a thing. But this person's not interested in understanding me. But I was trying to push it. What would have been way more effective is supporting myself saying I'm not going to deal with this drama. And simply saying that sounds like a you problem, therefore it's a you solution. That's it. That person wouldn't like wouldn't have loved hearing that. They would have probably been really mad. But that's what needs to be said. And it's a one line that makes things very clear on where I'm at, and it keeps me out of their drama. Because here's the thing: the way I responded made me feel kinda ill. Even though what I said was true, every word I said was true, that person was not willing to hear it, and therefore I broke one of my boundaries, which is I don't cast my pearls before swine. Now I'm not calling this person a pig. What I mean by that is like when you're casting something of value before swine, the pigs will eat the the pearls. And then all of a sudden that pearl is no longer of value. And my words I value very, very deeply. I value my voice very, very deeply. And I was casting it at her. All I needed to say. And this this is also part of the reason, like I said, my like I could feel my body kind of tensing. And when I listened to my body and realized like how I could have handled that better, even though it wasn't my fault, I still should have said, that sounds like a you problem, therefore the solution needs to be yours. That's kind the kindest, most loving thing I can say. And I don't need to explain my position to someone who does not care. What would make me feel appreciated? Well, that means then that we need to define appreciated. I want somebody to verbally acknowledge what I have done. And so speaking to myself in the mirror and saying all the things I have done, tapping and giving myself gratitude, speaking it out loud whenever I'm tempted. It's really important to speak truth out loud when we're being tempted or attacked spiritually, and then finish it off with I choose to follow the Savior Jesus Christ. Get behind me. It pushes adversarial influences and adversarial energies away from us when we appreciate ourselves and we give ourselves truth. And so to me, appreciate appreciation is truthfully seeing the good that I am doing in myself, and I want other people to do the same thing. So when we ask ourselves, like what would help me feel sane, we need to define what sane means. We need to define what understood means, what are the actions behind these words, and then we need to act that way towards ourselves. You cannot consistently receive what you have never clearly defined. And boundaries help define and support what support is and what support is not. See, oftentimes people overfunction, they overexplain. I did that, like I said, this the other day. Because again, we have to teach people how to treat us. If we're always the strong one, people always say, Well, she's the strong one. If we're always the one that follows through, well, she'll be the one to follow through. And then they tend to put things on our shoulders that we didn't ask for. It's our job and our duty to simply say that, hey, you know, I appreciate that you think I'm strong. I appreciate that you can see that I'm organized. I appreciate that you see my strengths, but I didn't ask for this task. And it's not something I can take on right now. Receiving support requires vulnerability, and vulnerability is a superpower, my loves. It's not it's not walking around without a shield, it is the shield. See, when we're vulnerable and honest, because that's the next piece, receiving support requires vulnerability and honesty, plus a couple other things. We're gonna get into that in just a second. But when vulnerability is matched with honesty, we are aware of our situation and our positioning before anyone else, and therefore we can make clear decisions without being mowed over, and we can simply state it. Support requires having standards, knowing who you are and acting in those boundaries, and it requires self-worth and self-respect. Support doesn't just come from better people, it also comes from becoming available for better relationships. And I would I would even say that most people actually do want to create loving, lasting, supportive relationships with you. Absolutely, they do. But it does require us to be vulnerable and honest with them, regardless of how they show up, or how they take it, or how they react. Because vulnerability allows truth to shine through. Me being vulnerable enough to pay attention to what's happening in my body, and vulnerable enough to admit where I need needed to grow, or maybe admit my faults, doesn't mean that somebody else gets to shoot an arrow at that. It means I am aware of that area and I protect it with honesty. Not everyone will understand your healing, not everyone will underst not everyone will understand your personal or your business growth. Some will even try to shame it. Not everyone will honor your becoming. Understand my healing, did not unvalue my business, did not value my experience, and did not honor who I was or what I could do. And she simply said that I was gouging people when, in all honesty, the people I have helped have been very happy to pay my prices because I do get them to their desired result. I do get them to where they want to be. The right people will listen. They adjust, they celebrate, they respect, and they support you. And they enjoy what you have to say. They really take it into consideration. And they will clarify with you so that way you can both be on the same page because they want to be in your life. The right people may not ever may not understand every part of your journey, but they will honor what matters to you because they because you matter to them. That's why. And this is where standards matter, this is where boundaries matter, this is where relationship discernment matters because you were never meant to heal, grow, and build your life completely alone. You are allowed to be supported and want more support. You're allowed to want to feel seen and appreciated. You're allowed to be heard and valued. The more clearly you define what support looks like, the more powerfully you can begin to build relationships that actually hold you, see you, and value you. We define what being heard looks like. And we're not afraid to tell the truth, even if it's inconvenient for ourselves or someone else. Bold hearts make big moves when they stop settling for being admired for their strength and start building lives where they're genuinely supported in their growth. Alright, my loves. With that, if you would love some help building and crafting your boundaries, making sure you're seen, heard, and appreciated too, so that way you can grow into the next stage. That way you can use your strength in the right places to really support you. Feel free to book that call below. Don't forget, this is a no pressure, no sales conversation. You and I are just going to get real about your boundaries and how we can craft them in your next steps so you can finally have peace, freedom, success, and start living the life you wanna you want to. Alright, my loves. Until then, go book that call, and I'll see you soon. Bye.