Reality Is What Happened. Truth Is Who God Says You Are

What if one of the biggest obstacles to healing isn't what happened to you... but what you started believing about yourself because it happened?

In this deeply personal episode, Erin explores the powerful difference between reality and truth. Reality is what happened. Reality is betrayal, heartbreak, rejection, abandonment, disappointment, and pain. But truth? Truth is who God says you are.

If you've ever found yourself questioning your worth, your value, your lovability, or your future because of someone else's choices, this episode is for you.

Together, we'll explore:

✨ Why trauma often creates stories that feel true but aren't
 ✨ How painful experiences can quietly shape our identity
 ✨ The difference between what happened to you and who you are
 ✨ Why God's truth is stronger than your circumstances
 ✨ How boundaries help protect your identity during healing
 ✨ The life-changing question: "Is this reality, or is this truth?"

This episode is a reminder that another person's behavior does not have the authority to define your worth. God already did that.

No matter what you've walked through, you are still loved. You are still chosen. You are still valuable. And you are still capable of creating a beautiful life.

Because what happened to you is part of your story...

But it is not your identity.

❤️ Join our free community: The Other Side of the Struggle Healing from Betrayal Trauma

📲 Connect with Erin on Instagram for daily encouragement, healing, boundaries, faith, and creating a life you love.

#HealingTrauma #BetrayalTraumaRecovery #ChristianWomen #FaithAndHealing #Boundaries #DivineIdentity #SelfWorth #TrustGod #TheOtherSideOfTheStruggle

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 2:27

Hey my loves, welcome back to another episode of the other side of the struggle. Okay, my loves, if you guys have been listening to my other podcast, Bold Heart's Big Moves, you guys have also probably heard that I've been going through not going through a lot, I shouldn't say that, but doing a lot just simply because my business is expanding. There's more coming in. I'm leaning into a really, really awesome energy. But in order to do that, my nervous system is a little short sometimes because I'm learning how to receive this next vision and this next piece in my business and what I do. Right now, as things stand, I'm doing my podcasts, I'm taking on coaching clients, I'm creating online courses, creating a book, a couple of books actually, several books actually. I'm being asked to speak on stages, I'm being asked to speak on other podcasts, and I'm also going back to school full-time to get my master's degree. So it's a lot. That being said, I might not always get a podcast out every week, but if it's not every week, it absolutely will be the week after. So within at least every other week, I will have a podcast out to you, and I'm going to be working on getting enough episodes out to where I can start bringing them out easily every single week to you. Because I know that this has been helpful for a lot of you. I get messages from you guys and so much love. And I want you to know how much I really appreciate that. Because when you put as an entrepreneur, when you put your content out there, you hope it's going to be well received and it's actually going to help people. And guys, when I realized that my podcast is actually rated as one of the top 10 podcasts for healing betrayal trauma in a very Christ-centered way, I was shocked. I was floored. And yes, like I want to deliver that type of content, but a lot of it is also because of you, my wonderful listeners, who give me a lot of grace and a lot of love back. And I just want you to know how much I really do appreciate that. And today I really want to focus on that because really truly every single I'm gonna get emotional, you guys. Like your souls are so beautiful, and I you guys don't even know yet how incredible you are, and how much love is really in this universe for you. You guys are really truly amazing, and I mean it, I mean that from the bottom of my heart, and today we're gonna focus on that because I really want to see this episode be one of the episodes that really lights you up, that really helps ignite that intelligence, that deep-seated light inside of you, because oh honey, my love, you deserve to know yourself that way, and you deserve to love yourself that way. So today, I'm going to share with you my vision of you and God's vision of you in hopes that it ignites the love that really is there for you, and that you learn to love yourself as fiercely as I do and as fiercely as God does. Because this is the precursor to deep healing. One of the hardest parts of trauma, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, abuse, and heartbreak isn't just what happened to us. It's when we start believing something about ourselves because of what happened. Somewhere along the way, many women begin confusing reality with what is true. And the reality is that something painful happened. But the truth is what God says you are, and those are not the same thing. We can be living in reality, but it's not always true. And if we aren't careful, we'll start building our entire identity around the wounds that are created in this life instead of around God's truth about who we are. So today I want to help you separate those two. I will because when you do, healing becomes possible in a way that never was before, and it's not fleeting, it's something that becomes anchored because now it's in your reality, not the wound. Because God did not create a wound, he created a miracle. God does not create problems, he creates perfection. And he created woman last. Let that sink in for a second. And if he creates perfect miracles, my love, what does that say about you? As his crowning creation, think about that. And you might be sitting back and being like, Yeah, but I don't feel that way. That's because you're identifying with the wound and not the real not the truth. You're identifying with what's in your reality right now, but not actually what God created. And that's why I want to make this distinction with you today. Reality is what happened. And we can often we can often take traumatic thoughts off of what had what has happened. Trauma, everybody can agree with like what happened to you is traumatic. Being with a husband who deals with pornography is traumatic. It absolutely is. Because it causes you to question truth. It does. And then you look for the proof. But truth is what remains true regardless of what happened. Truth is constant, it doesn't change. That's why we trust truth. Remember that we learn to trust what is constant around us. And the reality may be your husband lied, someone betrayed you, someone abandoned and neglected you, someone abused their agency, someone rejected you, someone chose pornography, someone spoke cruel words, words, someone didn't protect you. And those things are very real. They happened, and the healing never asks us to pretend that they didn't, because that's kind of a slap in the face, and healing isn't that way. Healing supports us and lifts us up and doesn't neglect and reject what happened. But what often happens next is we begin creating identities around those experiences. We start saying things like, I must not be enough, I must not be pretty enough, I must not be skinny enough, I must not have a have a good enough body if he's seeking this gratification outside of the marriage. I must be hard to love. If somebody's constantly yelling at me, putting me down, maybe I'm the problem. I always get abandoned. I don't matter. God must be disappointed in me. Those statements may feel real, but they're not true. Because if they were, God can't be perfect because he doesn't create anything other than something that's way less than perfect. He already created something perfect. It's our job to detect it and not believe the lies that come from the experiences, the painful experiences that we tend to have here in this life. One of my favorite things to teach is this that trauma is not just what happened. Trauma is the meaning often that our nervous system assigned to what happened. A child whose parents might leave might conclude I wasn't worth staying around for. That I wasn't good enough. Woman whose husband betrays her may conclude I'm not desirable enough, I'm not pretty enough. And a person who gets rejected may conclude I'll never belong. I'll never have a place for me. The event is reality, the conclusion is a story, and sometimes we repeat that story so many times that we mistake it for truth. But a story repeated often is still not truth if God never said it or created it. Remember, if God told you a lie or created a lie, he would cease to be God. Now, I often get this pushback when I say that. Yeah, but in the Bible, God told Abraham to tell Pharaoh that Sariah, Sarah, sorry, was his was his sister. Technically, he's not lying. Let me explain the difference between truth and lies for a second. Okay truth will always create more truth. It sustains, it creates consistency, it creates peace and safety. It creates perfection. Truth will create you. But lies they're there to destroy, to deconstruct, to pull apart, to fray, to make you feel less than what you really are. So when you bring the definition between what an actual truth is, creation and a lie is destruction, and they use the same words, but create completely different meaning around it. For an example, I'm gonna tell you I'm 200 pounds, I'm five foot three and 200 pounds. Not joking. A lot of people would maybe look at me and say that I'm gross and disgusting and fat and ugly. That's a lie. The fact is, yes, I am 200 pounds. I'm 5'3 and 200 pounds. That's a fact. But am I disgusting? Am I fat? Am I unworthy? No. That would deconstruct me. That lie destroys me. It makes me focus on something that is not attainable. Because that validation is constantly moving. However, here's what I choose to believe instead. And this is true. God gave me my body. Therefore, my body, and I rejoiced in heaven when I realized that I was going to have a body, even a 200-pound five foot three body. I rejoiced. But on top of that, if God gave me a physical body that is here to protect me, protect the goddess that God put inside of it. And I know that's true because if you think about what a fat cell does, it actually encapsulates toxins. These are the things I need from you. More rest, more water, more nutrition, more clarity in your emotions. My body actually has my back. Therefore, my body is the physical manifestation of God's love for me. That's the truth. That means I get to work with my body. This body that has my back always has. It's not disgusting, it's beautiful. And it loves me so much. And is so excited about what it houses. That's the truth. One creates, one destroys. This is why he wants us to focus on our wounds and build our identities around our wounds. It's because if he can get you to identify as broken, you'll never see yourself as whole. If he can get you to identify that you're abandoned, you'll struggle to see that God has never left you. If he can get you to identify as unworthy, you'll struggle to receive the love that has already been freely given, the love that is in the universe for you, specifically for you. And if he can get you to identify as powerless, you'll never use the gifts God gave you. The enemy wants your pain to become your identity, your reality, your truth. And God wants your pain to become part of your testimony. Those are very different things. One is rooted in truth, one is rooted in lies, one creates you, the other one destroys. So let's ask a different question. Instead of what happened to me, what if we say, What did God create when he created me? What does the adversary not want me to know? What does he know that he's trying to hide? Because God says you're his daughter. You are loved, you are known, you are chosen, you are valuable, you are worth rescuing, you are worth protecting, you are worth healing, you are worth guiding, you're not forgotten, you're not disqualified, you're not beyond redemption, you're not too far gone, you're not broken, you're his perfect little girl, and he sees you that way. And none of those truths change because another person made poor choices around you. Nobody is more powerful than God, and therefore nobody's choices change what he created except for yours. And the adversary knows this, and this is why he gets you to try to believe something that's not true. Think about that for a minute. Another person's behavior does not have the authority, it cannot have the authority to redefine your identity. God already created a perfect miracle when he created you, and only God has the authority to do that. Why do we question him? Why and this is where healing starts becoming incredibly powerful because now we can hold two things at once. We can say, Ow, that hurt. That was crappy. Like, why did you do that? Why did that have to happen? But we can also hold that I am worthy. Yes, I was betrayed, but I'm still lovable. I'm still desirable. Yeah, I was abandoned, but God never abandoned me. He still's here, he is still remaining, and I still have people around me that love me. Yes, I made mistakes, but I'm never too far from God. He always knows where I'm at. Christ always can reach me, I'm still redeemable. Yes, I have scars, but I'm still beautiful. They just created a mosaic pattern in me. This is maturity, this is emotional strength, this is healing, this is not denying reality, but refusing to let reality become our identity. One of the most important boundaries you'll ever learn is this. I acknowledge reality without surrendering truth. Because now when fear speaks, you can ask, is that reality or is that truth? When shame speaks, you can ask, is that reality or is that truth? When self-doubt speaks, you can ask, is that reality or is that truth? When insecurity speaks, is that reality or is that truth? Sometimes reality really sucks and it really hurts. But that doesn't mean it's true. Truth will heal, it will drain the wound, it'll bring out sometimes it is a little painful, but it'll at least allow you to bring yourself back together. Truth anchors, truth stabilizes, truth gives us something solid to stand on when life feels uncertain. And at some point, every woman healing from betrayal faces a decision. Am I going to believe what happened or am I going to believe what God says is true about me? Now hear me. Hear me carefully. I'm not saying deny what happened. And I'm not saying don't let what happened have a say in your life. Christ, however, had the final word. The God of heaven and earth. The God that created heaven and earth came to heaven came to earth, lived a mortal life, and died on the cross. He had the final word. His life was of immense worth. We know this. But he gave it up for you. Yes, he gave it up for me. Yes, he gave it up for everyone, but it's not a blanket statement. That is a personal statement. He gave it up so you would know you're worthy of his life. And God allowed it to happen for the same reason. That our that you would know that you are worthy of this life of the Savior. He proved it in his action. He didn't have to do what he did, but he did it so you would always know your worth.

SPEAKER_01 26:15

He declared your value.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

And he already declared your identity through that one action. The question is, are you going to believe him? Are we going to trust that? My loves, maybe today your reality feels really overwhelming and really hard.

SPEAKER_01 26:39

And if that's the case, my heart really does go out to you. I feel so much love for you. And my heart breaks with yours.

SPEAKER_00 27:01

And maybe your relationships are struggling. And maybe you're scared. Maybe you're exhausted. And maybe you're carrying way too much and nobody sees it. But today I really want you to remember something. Reality is what happened. But truth is what God says you are. Truth is what God created when He created you. And while reality might change from time to time and season to season, truth never changes. You are still loved.

SPEAKER_01 27:52

You are so valuable. You are still chosen and seen.

SPEAKER_00 28:04

And you're capable. You're capable of healing. And you're capable of creating an amazingly beautiful life. And most importantly, you are a daughter of God.

SPEAKER_02 28:21

My loves.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

I'm sorry, but like this is true about you. And Christ proved it with his life and giving his life to you. So today I hope you feel that. And you recognize your beauty because it is there. He didn't create a mistake when he created you.

SPEAKER_02 29:09

He created a miracle, a perfect miracle. And he sealed it with his blood. And the blood of his son.

SPEAKER_00 29:24

If you would love some help, please feel free to create some time with me. There is a link below in the podcast description where you can grab some time. Come talk to me. Let's heal. And let's truth finally be a reality. Alright, my loves. Until next week. I'll see you on the other side. I love you all.